The Big Goodbye
The time has come.
I've been putting it off over the weekend, attending my best friend's wedding, going geocaching with my step-son.
But it is time. Money has changed hands, and I have an obligation to fulfill.
I pick him up from my desk, and avoid eye contact as I carry him into the dining room.
I gingerly put him down on my dining room table, and he looks like a patient about to undergo some sort of surgery. Strangely, I feel more like Doctor Giggles than Doctor Green.
He looks up at me and says, "Hey, Wheaton. What do you say you let me out of this box, and take me for a spin in your landspeeder?"
"Can't do it, Wesley. First, you're the wrong scale, and second, you don't belong to me anymore."
He doesn't reply. He knows that I'm right.
I uncap a gold paint pen, and get ready. The familiar burn of acetone and paint hits me in the face, and a series of convention memories blurs through my mind, in hyper-real Hunter S. Thompson-o-vision: I sign a plate, a photo, a poster, field a question that I don't know the answer to, politely decline the offer of a hug from a large woman in a "Spock Lives!" T-shirt. The memories race past, and I watch them with a certain amount of detachment, a spectator to my own life.
Although the places and people changed, there was little difference from one hotel convention hall to the next: The same questions, the same jokes, the same inescapable smell...the memories engulf me with a frightening and surprising lucidity. I think that I've allowed these events to drift into the distance of memory, but they come back, immediate and insisent, as if no time has passed.
He looks at me, daring me to give voice to these thoughts.
I realize that we are very interwoven, whether we like it or not, and as I open my mouth to speak, something I'd never thought of before comes into my mind: I can exist without him, but he could not, would not, does not exist without me.
Suddenly, I feel free.
I lift the pen up, and touch it to the plastic, and write what I've been asked to write:
"Vincent -
"I am sick of
following rules and regulations!
-Wil Wheaton"
It's done.
I sit back, and regard him. He's obscured by my writing, which casts a lattice-work of shadows across his face and body. The symbolism of this moment is not lost on me.
"You know, that was a cool line," he says. "Remember how cool it was to stand up to Picard?"
"Yeah. It was fun being you back then," I tell him. "I watched Code of Honor last night though. Jesus, you were a dork, man."
"That wasn't me, dude. That was Wesley Crusher, the doctor's son. I'm Cadet Crusher, the bad ass. Wesley was a dork. Cadet Crusher was cool. Need I remind you who waxed Robin Lefler's ass?"
"Why do you have to talk that way? People have a certain image of you, you know."
"Hey, they can kiss my shiny plastic ass. I have never been responsible for the things I say. I can only say what someone tells me to say. As a matter of fact, I'm not even talking now. You're putting all these words in my mouth."
"So my Tyler Durden is a 5 inch action figure? That's just perfect. At least you can't force me into some sort of Project Mayhem."
"Oh, I can't?"
I can't tell through the gold paint pen, but I think he's sizing me up.
"You're such a pussy, Wheaton. We were cool when we wore this spacesuit, and you know it. Fucking own that, boyo. If anyone has a problem with that, they can fuck all the way off. "
I'm a bit shocked to hear this come out of us.
"Uh, Wesley, you really can't talk like that."
"I just told you, it's not me. It's you, cock-knocker. Now put me in the box, and find some other cool thing to auction. I think I saw a plate in the closet."
"Why didn't we ever talk like this before? I never realized that you were cool. Really. I mean, I hated you, man."
"Yeah, you and every other insecure teenage boy. Listen, and listen good, because I'm not saying this again.
"You have always cared too fucking much what other people thought of us. Go read your stupid website, and listen to your own advice. You'll be much happier. Now put me in the box and let's get this over with."
I look at him, and a touch of sadness passes over me.
"Wesley, I have always been, and I always will be --"
"Oh Jesus H. Christ! I can't believe you were going to quote Star Trek. I am so embarrassed for you right now. Just close the fucking box and send me on my way."
I do it. I put him in the box, drop in some packing stuff and a few stickers.
We drive to the post office in silence.
I walk to the mailbox, and open it.
I think to say goodbye, but I know that Wesley won't be talking to me anymore.
I place the box on the edge, and lift it up. The box falls into darkness.
I am Wil's freedom.
Comments
Very cool.
Oh yea, and First Post!!
Couldn't resist. Honest, I couldn't.
Posted by: Richard Smith | May 28, 2002 10:58 AM
Man, Wil. Your behavior is more like me than my kid would like to admit. I admire your perspective(s). Lettin' go of all of OUR Wesley Crushers in life isn't easy - at least you get a few bucks out of it ;)
Be good,
-sam
Posted by: Sam | May 28, 2002 11:12 AM
Wow, that was really cool. Wesley rocked, in a geeky, now-a-cadet kind of way. Give us the heads up on that plate Wil!
Posted by: Jill | May 28, 2002 11:13 AM
*applause*
Posted by: scaryduck | May 28, 2002 11:14 AM
Ok I could prolly take offense to the comment "fat woman wearing a spock shirt" but I won't. Just won't. So should I be scared of any of the action figures that are boxed up in my closet at my parent's ever talking to me?? No? good. though one of them is a Cadet Crusher mint in the box....but I am sure that the young Wesley Crusher mint in the box will have fun with him. It is like Toy Story gone wrong!*Shakes head*
Posted by: Artisticspirit | May 28, 2002 11:14 AM
what's a cock knocker?
Posted by: josie | May 28, 2002 11:16 AM
You realize you've just doubled the value of that little guy with this entry, don't you.
Posted by: Milt | May 28, 2002 11:16 AM
It's kinda cool that you have a physical representation of a part of your life that you've been uncomfortable with. I think most of us would like to take a portion of our lives, hold it in our hands, argue over it, and then send it away. :) You Rawk Wil! I've really enjoyed these dialogues.
Posted by: Antika | May 28, 2002 11:16 AM
Very cool, Wil. Very cool.
Posted by: ColinMochrie | May 28, 2002 11:17 AM
Great post, Wil...glad you've been able to put some of your "demons" aside...get on with what life has in store for you, my friend!! :o )
Take care,
Posted by: Mark | May 28, 2002 11:17 AM
Rawk on...and great Tyler Durden reference; perfect for the moment.
Posted by: Sally | May 28, 2002 11:19 AM
This was really great, Wil. You almost make me wish I would have bid on the little guy. Almost. ;)
Posted by: Brandee | May 28, 2002 11:20 AM
Congratulations Wil. That was awesome.
Posted by: Brie | May 28, 2002 11:20 AM
Um, Wil... Are you ok?
Posted by: Adam Burke | May 28, 2002 11:21 AM
I am Daejin's festering green eyed monster. Cadet Crusher's right on the money. Screw the clamoring masses calling for your head, you were on ST:TNG for crying out loud, the best and brightest of the Roddenberry franchises. It's not like you were Screech on "Saved By the Bell." Not to mention your own action figure...although it's best you've given him away to avoid the potential embarrassment of your family catching you playing with yourself.
Posted by: daejin | May 28, 2002 11:22 AM
The first rule of WWDN is: You do not talk about WWDN.
The second rule of WWDN is: You do _not_ talk about WWDN!
Wil - this series of posts has been some of the best stuff I've seen you write. I only wish I could come up with things this good for my site.
Posted by: djwudi | May 28, 2002 11:28 AM
sorry bout that, browser problem :/
Posted by: mecharossilla | May 28, 2002 11:28 AM
Very cool Dude. It's hard letting go of the past and all the baggage associated with it, but it's something we all must do, even if it means facing things that are unpleasant or moving beyond a set pattern or lifestyle because it's comfortable. Growth is always difficult, but it is the way of things. Funny that this post comes now when I am faced with a crossroads in my life, but I'll not bore you with that, or with what the voices in my head are saying about it...
Posted by: tskll | May 28, 2002 11:29 AM
This page is excellent, and I love your journal. Glad to see you're alive and funny as all hell.
Posted by: Chris | May 28, 2002 11:30 AM
Wil, is this shtick or this really bothered you
Gosh I just answered my own question, good to see ya .
Danko
Posted by: Dank | May 28, 2002 11:31 AM
Besides...having just re-acquainted myself with the first two seasons of TNG thanks to the modern miracle of DVD, I've realized two things. First off, that show was _so_ much better than I remembered (and, imho, stomps all over Enterprise, which I've stopped watching), and that Wesley wasn't nearly as bad as I remembered.
Posted by: djwudi | May 28, 2002 11:31 AM
it seems that this confrontation was a long time coming. alannis morisette said it best when she said 'life has a funny way of helping you out'...ebay'ing off all this old stuff is a very good way to finish closing up all the old wounds, I think. It seems like you agree. This one, I imagine, was the last to close off and really get down to healing. Congratulations.
Posted by: joseph | May 28, 2002 11:33 AM
Wil --
This conversation with Wesley has been... fascinating. I enjoyed it immensely, and I love your writing style. I'll never look at my Cadet Crusher action figure the same way again. (Though I think right now he's playing in a drawer with Harry Kim, Picard as a Borg and some guys from SeaQuest.)
But I was always a Wesley fan anyway.
Posted by: T. Kevin | May 28, 2002 11:36 AM
So it is done. Its all for the best. (Tries hard to be reassuring.) We will all be better people for this, even you Mr. Wheaton. Now let us all raise a toast to that demonic, yet thankfully contained, little action figure and wish him a fond farewell. This is a day of joy. Rock on Wil, rock on!
Posted by: Chuck | May 28, 2002 11:36 AM
Ira Glass is either eating this stuff up or thinking, "Shit, not another poser! F^&*@%*& give it up, Wheaton." :D
Posted by: idiosynchronic | May 28, 2002 11:39 AM
The Big Goodbye falls somewhere between Old Yeller and Shane.
Posted by: Fred Fowler | May 28, 2002 11:39 AM
Beautiful...
Now, I will NOT put on my psychologist pants and start analyzing this... It was just a very entertaining story, that's all.
Oh, and my husband and I just finished watching the first season of TNG on DVD, and I just laughed my ass off when Wes (don't remember the episode title) declares (something along those lines) with a hardly straight face: "I will never understand what it's like to be addicted to anything. What's the point?" And Tasha Yar responds "You are very lucky Wesley..." Oh, goodness, talk about a subtle "say no to drugs" message... Maybe it's just my imagination, but it seems that Mr. Wheaton had a hard time trying not to giggle.
Posted by: SpaceCadet | May 28, 2002 11:44 AM
JUst saw a quote by David Bowie on TV. He said the "Worrying about aging is for the young" I think that today is his birthday. He is 50ish i think.
Posted by: Artisticspirit | May 28, 2002 11:45 AM
Yikes, what angst ridden inner turmoil unleashed. I say good riddance to the little foul mouthed, shiny plastic assed, impertinent, regulation hating, Lefler waxing Cadet Crusher action figure. If he only knew he was squeezed out of the same molding machine and made from the same plastic as those fake turds in a Taiwanese sweat shop, he may show you a little more respect. Fricken funny though!
Posted by: Nyarl | May 28, 2002 11:45 AM
http://lakerbago.com/misc/wesfigure.jpg
Posted by: Spudnuts | May 28, 2002 11:49 AM
You have just restored my faith in Wesley 'the geek' Crusher. For a while there I thought he was just another 'greater than thou', fucking A suck up. But I was wrong. He swears, he shouts, he's sarcastic just like the rest of us.
Thanks man
Sal
Posted by: Sally | May 28, 2002 11:51 AM
Once again, I bow to the mighty Spudnuts.
If I ever make this stuff into a book, I want that picture.
Posted by: wil | May 28, 2002 11:52 AM
Ecdysis and integuments, that's where you are. It's not a painless process, but you don't get a new face until you shed the old one. You the man.
Posted by: Rafael | May 28, 2002 11:54 AM
"You're such a pussy, Wheaton. We were cool when we wore this spacesuit, and you know it. Fucking own that, boyo. If anyone has a problem with that, they can fuck all the way off. "
Finally.
Now that we're all in agreement, can we move on?
Posted by: Alex7000 | May 28, 2002 11:55 AM
Dude, you're losing it.
Posted by: Reality | May 28, 2002 11:57 AM
Very nice. I'm glad Wesley didn't convince you to make soap out of human fat, or blow up a few buildings. :)
Posted by: Scott | May 28, 2002 11:59 AM
What a pleasant surprise this post was. From the first two paragraphs, I thought the upshot would be that the nasty little trolls and upkeep costs had made you decide to shut down the 'blog.
Horrible Visu!
Glad to see you expelling your angst in the much healthier way of playing Foul-Mouthed puppeteer (in its nicest connotations).
Way to Time Capsule the experience of your youth.
Oh, and BTW, : Spudnuts, you rock.
Posted by: Internal Audience | May 28, 2002 12:02 PM
Never has the mundane task of finding and auctioning off an item on eBay been as riveting as it has been over the past week!
Posted by: soapbox jon | May 28, 2002 12:05 PM
Welsey rocked! you know that!
The big goodbye,... you scarded me, a million things it could be... until I learned you're just being you're silly self! LOL!
Well glad you had fun... too bad that wasn't sent to me...
Lily
Posted by: Lily | May 28, 2002 12:09 PM
"Self improvement is Masturbation...
...Self destruction is the answer"
In Tyler we trust...
Great quotes Wil...that movie is brilliant.
Posted by: Chris | May 28, 2002 12:09 PM
Welsey rocked! you know that!
The big goodbye,... you scarded me, a million things it could be... until I learned you're just being you're silly self! LOL!
Well glad you had fun... too bad that wasn't sent to me...
Lily
Posted by: Lily | May 28, 2002 12:09 PM
Welsey rocked! you know that!
The big goodbye,... you scarded me, a million things it could be... until I learned you're just being you're silly self! LOL!
Well glad you had fun... too bad that wasn't sent to me...
Lily
Posted by: Lily | May 28, 2002 12:10 PM
Wil...
We are told people stay in love because of chemistry,or because they remain intrigued with each other,because of many kindnesses,because of luck.But part of it has to be forgiveness and gratefulness.the understanding that although you're no bargain,you love and you are loved.Anyway.
Was Wesly so bad?You have him at a disadvantage Wil, he was only who he was with the knowledge he had at the time.It's easy to condem the past looking from the future,but without that past we would not be here today @ wilwheaton.net.
As a Brother speaking to a Brother
"I love you Wesly Crusher"
Redrhinox
Posted by: redrhinox | May 28, 2002 12:14 PM
Wil said:
"Once again, I bow to the mighty Spudnuts.
If I ever make this stuff into a book, I want that picture."
Picture? I think you just got your title!
Posted by: Rob Matsushita | May 28, 2002 12:16 PM
The constrained dimensions of this pop-up window make my photoshop thingy all effed up. Best when viewed in a NORMAL window.
Yep.
I can see doing a whole series of WC:MIB photoshop dealies.
WC:MIB on a train eating corned beef hash.
WC:MIB working on a fishing boat in the Bering Sea.
WC:MIB returning to the public eye with his new beard.
Posted by: Spudnuts | May 28, 2002 12:18 PM
Cock-knocker? That's a good one. I always knew Wes was a bad ass under that Leave it to Beaver facade.
Posted by: Pmacca01 | May 28, 2002 12:25 PM
Don't forget the picture of
WC:MIB with his south street prostitute.
Posted by: Internal Audience | May 28, 2002 12:28 PM
Priceless... that's all I can say! These stories have been awesome!
Posted by: Anneke | May 28, 2002 12:35 PM
Does this mean I should start having conversations with my mail too? :)
Great post, Wil. "So my Tyler Durden is a 5 inch action figure? That's just perfect." I love that line.
And yay, Spudnuts! Excellent photo.
/gush
Posted by: Mandy | May 28, 2002 12:37 PM
I find your self evaluations amusing and
enlightening. An actor not afraid to diss himself.
Okay now when does the plate go up?
Posted by: Cscott | May 28, 2002 12:38 PM
*lmfao*
"Need I remind you who waxed Robin Lefler's ass"
i literally fell off my damn chair when i read that line! i'm so glad i found this site! hmmm, anyone know where i would be able to obtain such action figures besides eBay?
this was truly brilliant!
Posted by: dave | May 28, 2002 12:39 PM
My jaw just hit the floor.
Posted by: Jonas Kyratzes | May 28, 2002 12:44 PM
Placing Wesley into the box and dropping him toward oblivian was for the best, now if Cadet Crusher can just transport other memorabilia from his sanctuary to ebay headquarters, we would be happy!
Posted by: ze-mag | May 28, 2002 12:54 PM
It's obviously a very strange time in Wil's life.
I look in this commentary section, and I see a lot of courage.
Posted by: Kirsten Bayes | May 28, 2002 12:56 PM
Holy Shit that was fucking funny Wil.
Well funny and touching. I just want you to know that your view of life is so much more entertaining than anything on TV. I think we need to see the "Wil Wheaton Show". I'd watch it. If Ozzy gets his own show I think you should get your own show as well. ;-)Teh Heh....
Anyway I think the book would be great. Spudnuts picture would make a great cover for it.
I liked his idea for having him doing stuff in different places. You could put one at the start of each new chapter.
I'd buy copies of that book for everyone I know. "Merry Christmas, check out Wil Wheaton."
Hope everything is going well for you otherwise. Have a great day!!!
Posted by: Stargazer | May 28, 2002 01:15 PM
*tear*
"Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one...and then something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion; dark and silent and complete. I found freedom... Losing all hope was freedom."
Fucking OWN that,boyo.
Posted by: Steve | May 28, 2002 01:17 PM
Damn Wheaton...
That's some good writing...
Not just the "found my funny" type funny...this is "witty, need to understand the sub-referances" type funny and that, when done well, is infinitely more funny than standard humor.
The downside is that fewer will understand it but for those who do it's well worth it :)
I compare it to "Dennis Miller funny". (before he joined Monday night football though I admit he had a few good lines for those who understood him)
Posted by: Tim | May 28, 2002 01:17 PM
Funny, I just watched Code of Honor myself last night. I remember thinking, "You know, they really DID write shitty stuff for Wheaton, but he did a good job with it."
It also occured to me that the only reason so many folks hated Wesley was because they were jealous of him. They wanted to be there, but you got to be. You were the cool one, and like the disgruntled folks who hate the captain of the basket ball team just because he's the captain of the basketball team, their wrath was leveled on you.
You did good work. You do good work. Rock on and prosper! :D
Posted by: Clay | May 28, 2002 01:22 PM
Wow! All I can say is, "Give that man a big Hell Yeah!!" Good on you Wheaton. Good on you mi mano. You keep getting better and better.
Posted by: Phil | May 28, 2002 01:38 PM
Just here to say that Spudnuts gave me the first real laugh of the day. U R 3l33+, Spudddyboy!
Posted by: t | May 28, 2002 01:43 PM
Dude, Wesley has ALWAYS been like that for me. He gets corrupted in Starfleet Academy and goes hitting the bars in downtown sanfransisco EVERY WEEK. He nearly gets bashed up by big scary klingon guys, but his GIRLFRIEND (kinda girlfriend - it's complicated) has to save his ass cause he is a bad bad BAD fighter. Not his fault. Blame his upbringing. Stupid Picard and his pacifistic nature. It's all good though. Weee.
Posted by: Nancy | May 28, 2002 01:54 PM
'Robin Lefler's ass'. Not being a longtime startrek fan, I decided to figure out what this was about...
http://members.aol.com/raqdigino/robin.html
OH MY GOD !!! No offense to the hardcore trekies here, but... c'mon ... really...
Posted by: soundbyt | May 28, 2002 01:54 PM
'Robin Lefler's ass'. Not being a longtime startrek fan, I decided to figure out what this was about...
http://members.aol.com/raqdigino/robin.html
OH MY GOD !!! No offense to the hardcore trekies here, but... c'mon ... really...
Posted by: soundbyt | May 28, 2002 01:54 PM
Hey wil, you probably wont read this but a very cool post, I have been lurking for a few months now, ever since Entertainment Weekly posted your website, and this is the best post yet... you should be nominated for some award or something...
*stands up and claps for the performance of the mentally troubled Wil Wheaton*
Kirthew
Posted by: Kirthew | May 28, 2002 01:57 PM
Okay, so I meant to go check my email...But I'm addicted to WWDN. (It's really bad, I have to read the comments now too.) Love the post & thanks for mentioning the landspeeder. And Spudnuts, you definitely know where your funny is...
Posted by: ambeart | May 28, 2002 02:13 PM
*standing ovation*
Oh, well done, Wil!! ;) Definitely Pulitzer material.
Posted by: Kathy | May 28, 2002 02:15 PM
Hey Hey It's my birthday...yay yay. Sorry not drunk yet. This is one of the greatest posts I have read from you Wil and I will consider it my birthday present :) I loveeeee fight club and the references made my day. Also cock-knocker is from Stand By Me of course. I can still hear that annoying voice saying, "Cack-knacker" (it's not spose to be profane, merely accetuating the accent). So in a way you paid homage to both your past successes. Anyways I am off to eat crab and party it up with 30 of my closest friends at the pub!
I am Fallulah's Alcoholism.
Posted by: Fallulah | May 28, 2002 02:16 PM
Sigh
And to think my Spudnuts crush was over
Damn you little man
and Wil as well...
That Robin line is gonna stick in my head forever
Hey Rob- Is there any way we can cordinate with Wil to have audio readings of these posts?
The voices in my head are good- but not as good as your productions.
luv and ninja burgers,
-MKF
Posted by: MissKittyFantastico | May 28, 2002 02:28 PM
Slide
I'm sure the 300 bucks won't hurt either eh? :)
Posted by: JennInLubbockHasReturned | May 28, 2002 02:40 PM
"I am Wil's freedom."
Posted by: John Connor | May 28, 2002 02:41 PM
Hey Wil...
You know, you really do have a wonderful knack for writing. You also have a wonderful knack for introspection. Wesley as the Wil alter-ego... makes you think.
Posted by: Crystalia | May 28, 2002 02:44 PM
Wil, I would say that this one was by far your best work.
Posted by: MobbyG | May 28, 2002 02:45 PM
Hey..."other Sally"...change your name up a little, you confused the heck out of me, thinking I had posted again.
Posted by: Sally | May 28, 2002 03:00 PM
Wil Wheaton is my fucking HERO.
In the heavenly pantheon, there exists the mighty Spudnuts, with the acolyte Matsushita at his right hand.
WWDN - The Legendary Journeys and Fucked Up ToySpeak
Posted by: KJB | May 28, 2002 03:01 PM
I wish I could write about talking to a lump of plastic and make it so deep and meaningful, as well as funny. Thank you.
Posted by: NickW | May 28, 2002 03:12 PM
This strangely sounds like "Magic" with Anthony Hopkins.."Heyyyyyyyyy smuckles.."
LOL Excising Wil..
Posted by: J.C. | May 28, 2002 03:32 PM
Wheaton? Have you been this good at writing on your own website for very long? Ever since I've begun reading you semi-daily doses of introspection I have come to respect you in a way I'd never thought possible.
Now, in the evenings, while watching TNN my other family members give me strange looks. I didn't realize it, but I've been mumbling things like that whole AOL-speak phrase, "Wheaton, you RAWK!" and brain-candy, "Remember who waxed Robin Lefler's ass!". To utter these things aloud... to look at Wesley in a whole new Blue-GE bulb-type light... well, I just hope that I don't lose any friends over it, or they don't raise my rent while I'm staying at the "Big Brother" house.
Now, cough it up! What kind of cache booty did you bring home from E3!
----------
Lori aka: RedwoodRed
KF6VFI
"I don't get lost, I investigate alternative destinations."
GeoGadgets Team Website: http://www.geogadgets.com
Comics, Video Games and Movie Fansite: http://www.beautywithattitude.com
Posted by: RedwoodRed | May 28, 2002 03:44 PM
...in apprehension,
Posted by: Nightfly | May 28, 2002 03:44 PM
Oh, my God. That was just... well, I'm glad to know that I'm NOT crazy. Maybe my Optimus Prime really DOES talk to me. Though given what Wesley was saying... I probably should have bid on him. Granted, it wouldn't have been as fun as playing with a flesh and blood Wesley... but I gotta say the attitude will be missed.
Okay. I've been meaning to ask this Will, and I'd love to hear back from you on this: What is the latest on buying an upgrade for the pc, so that we can have our Burrito back? I probably speak for all here when I say... YOUR VOICE IS SORELY MISSED!
If it's a money issue, I think I know how you can raise it up... though you may have a cramp in your wrist when it's done. Have a dutch auction, and sell off about a thousand or so 3x5 cards with individually autographed notes? At about 10 bucks a card, and if you sold about a thousand cards, you could make an even thou, right there. Money well spent, if it gets you back on the air.
-David.
Posted by: Cartoon Beagle | May 28, 2002 03:47 PM
This my friends, is why Wil has a fuckin' posse!
Posted by: MattK | May 28, 2002 03:48 PM
Hey Wil,
Be sure to let us know if Wesley ever writes home!
Posted by: hippiewitch | May 28, 2002 03:56 PM
i see it's another 'wesley saves the universe' episode again.
congrats wil on the motion forward!
Posted by: kteela | May 28, 2002 04:05 PM
I have only recently found and read your site and I know that I have to come back. It is funny and strange all at the same time. Thank you, and take care.
Posted by: Shelly | May 28, 2002 04:06 PM
Great read, Wil! I'm happy you have found some truths. You were/are part of a wonderful story and a beautiful universe. Nothing can take that away and you should be proud. I read somewhere that Gene considered Wesley an incarnation of himself as a teenager. What a wonderful compliment to have played him. Take care.
Posted by: Linnhe | May 28, 2002 04:06 PM
MissKittyFantastico said: "Hey Rob- Is there any way we can cordinate with Wil to have audio readings of these posts?
The voices in my head are good- but not as good as your productions."
I actually considered this today, believe it or not.
KJB said: "In the heavenly pantheon, there exists the mighty Spudnuts, with the acolyte Matsushita at his right hand."
I told will and Cherish last week that I'm still not altogether sure that Spudnuts isn't MY Tyler Durden.
I mean, you never see him and me together.
Hmm...
Posted by: Rob Matsushita | May 28, 2002 04:48 PM
spudnutz = my hero
I'm still waiting for the Wesley bobbly weener to come out in stores. (It smells like ensign Robin Lefler) scratch n sniff.
yo
Posted by: hops | May 28, 2002 04:54 PM
*Grins* These articles have been great Wil. And it's great to see you working through stuff, you're an inspiration to us all. Especially now 'Acting Ensign Role Model Crusher' is off our screens.
And that Lefler site is weird.
Posted by: EofS | May 28, 2002 05:05 PM
Spudnuts, that was hysterical! I love the little suitcase, nice touch.
Am I the only one that thinks Wil looks really pained in the photo on the box? Kind of like someone was stepping on his foot...
Posted by: Tanya | May 28, 2002 05:05 PM
I -love- this entry. Just for the record (and I'm sure I'm getting way too boring-ly honest here), but I originally came to this website as a funny-ha-ha "check out the geek I had a crush on when I was a Star Trek watching geek at the age of 12 or so" kind of gag. I stayed because the real Wil Wheaton is smart, funny, insightful, terribly cool, and about a million other things. I'll keep coming back -- your last few posts have really been speaking to me. Thanks for showing the rest of us a little bit about how to own our own past.
Posted by: jess | May 28, 2002 05:12 PM
Dude.
Sweet!
And, of course, as always, Spudnuts still manages to upstage you.
Heh. Rock on, my brotha! :-)
Posted by: MrsVeteran | May 28, 2002 05:22 PM
which robin lefler site?
Posted by: hops | May 28, 2002 05:40 PM
spudnuts.... f.in hilarious photo!
Posted by: pavegirl | May 28, 2002 05:45 PM
PLEASE write some kind of book soon. Or get a sitcom or something! I couldn't imagine keeping the energy of that going as long as you did. True talent flowing from the mind of a true artistic intellectual.
Posted by: theArtist | May 28, 2002 06:56 PM
Another series of beautiful, funny and deep entries. Please write a book. Then we can all be Wil's Book Club instead of Posse (OK, never mind I guess that just doesn't sound as cool : )
Oh yah and Rob, here's another vote for more of your recreations whether Spudnuts inspired or otherwise.
And Spudnuts you are beyond words, keep it up. You help give the rest of us a left turn in reality once in awhile.
Posted by: Gaea | May 28, 2002 07:00 PM
I think it was Isaac Asimov that stressed WRITING, constantly if you want to get better (I'm sure he wasn't the only one--he's just the one I paid attention to). Dude, you are getting better and better all the time. I thoroughly enjoyed reading that, more than all that came before it. WRITE ON BROTHER!
Posted by: t e s | May 28, 2002 07:08 PM
An excellent conclusion to a wonderful story. And nothing spices up a story like a dash of truth....hmmmm....wesley should've been a black gang member, that woulda been cool. And what qoute where you going to do?
Posted by: Chris Barrett | May 28, 2002 07:34 PM
I want to be Spudnuts when I grow up. Really. Spudnuts, you rock. You deserve your OWN fan site.
I knew the whole plastic Wesley thing was therapy from Wil's first PlasticWesley post and look at him now. Crusher is THE MAN, but he'd better remember (where ever he is) that Wheaton is his god. Wheaton better remember that too.
Poor Wesley. Trying to dump Wil after Wil's dumped him. I wonder if Crusher really cried (behind Wil's back) when he left to go to his new home.
We've all got our Tyler Durdens in the closet and our toys in boxes. If only you knew what mine where...
Everybody's nuts.
Great writing, Wil. You never cease to impress me.
Posted by: Delphine | May 28, 2002 07:36 PM
you can leave the past (plastic wesley) behind...but sooner or later it will come back to you...and when it does...i hope it's a good thing...'cause it's (even the nerdiness)a part of who you are...d.burr
Posted by: d.burr | May 28, 2002 07:40 PM
Well, I really appreciate all the comments, you guys.
This has indeed been a weird few days.
Wesley is gone...but there's this plate that's been winking at me whenever I pass him ^H^H^H it by...
Posted by: wil | May 28, 2002 07:41 PM
Hey spudnuts!
Don't forget WC:MIBhaving a mid life crisis and dates a playmate doll.
http://www.jodilyn.net/wesleyatthemansion.jpg
Posted by: jodilyn | May 28, 2002 07:51 PM
I believe Colin said it best.......
Very cool, Wil. Very cool.
Posted by ColinMochrie at May 28, 2002 11:17 AM
~fenaray
Posted by: fenaray | May 28, 2002 07:55 PM
I think I see the potential for a whole line of WC:MIB "With You Always" pics....
Posted by: JSc | May 28, 2002 07:57 PM
I want to second the motion for Wil Wheaton T.V. That would be a kick ass show/station!
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jessie1977/
Posted by: Jessie | May 28, 2002 08:02 PM
Hey Wil,
I wish you would seriously think about writing a novel. They way you write...wow. You simply picked a topic and went with it. Not a lot of people can do that. It's a gift.
You made me cry, you know? And laugh. Wow, what a man!
Posted by: Helen | May 28, 2002 08:54 PM
You should definately be writing an autobiography!
Just wanted to remind you not to forget to leave feedback for the buyer! I see you haven't done so yet.
You're the man Wil. Being a couple of years younger than you/him, I always thought Wesley was kinda cool, in a naive sorta way.
Posted by: Shawn Byatt | May 28, 2002 09:18 PM
Rob- if he's your Tyler than I'm ready to be Marla.
After I negotiate with my muse I'm gonna try to work on another Spud pic.
-MKF
"Wow I haven't been F'd like that since grade school"
Posted by: MissKittyFantastico | May 28, 2002 09:52 PM
thats kinda sad.. that just made me cry right there... :(
Posted by: MargieTargie | May 28, 2002 09:54 PM
This is such a cool BLOG. Can I link to you on mine?
Posted by: binkey | May 28, 2002 10:32 PM
This is such a cool BLOG. Can I link to you on mine?
Posted by: binkey | May 28, 2002 10:32 PM
I followed a link to your page and am now hopelessly addicted to WWDN!! Now I've gone geocaching and am addicted to that as well. To echo all others... I never knew other Trekkers didn't like Wesley! I never really had a problem with him. And I'm totally looking forward to ST:X to find out what he's been up to since leaving w/the Traveler. Truth be told, I've been wondering what he's been doing since the two of them left! Your posts rock!!
Sunidesus
Posted by: Sunidesus | May 28, 2002 10:34 PM
what a bunch of sheep!!!! bah bah
Posted by: mary poppins | May 28, 2002 10:56 PM
Wow, Wow, Wow,
Most of the praises have already been said, still that post was really the best one I have read so far.
At first like Internal Audience I thought he was saying goodbye to this site. Thank God he isn't but then when he said goodbye to Wil that was just as bad.
You really are so talented Wil, the last post was like a rollercoaster for me I got scared, I cried and laughed, then I felt really sad but in the end I was content and happy, like a good book you can't put it down. *hint *hint.
Thanks Wil you make me smile everyday.
Posted by: B1ATCH | May 28, 2002 10:56 PM
b1atch, that about sums it up.wow,wow,wow
Posted by: djorde | May 28, 2002 11:00 PM
"Schizo Alert" mary poppins said to djorde.
Posted by: B1ATCH | May 28, 2002 11:08 PM
Wil, dude, if you ever do put this stuff in a book I'll buy a dozen copies and spread the Wheaton gospel. OK, that sounded disturbed... I'll give them to friends, how about that?
And Spudnuts, man, hi-friggin'-larious.
Posted by: Tim H | May 28, 2002 11:25 PM
Man I don't know where you come up with this stuff, but keep it coming, I haven't laughed or smiled like that since your last post, haha. Hope everyone had a great weekend. I had to work, but alas someone had too.
Posted by: Marie | May 28, 2002 11:33 PM
Wil,
This was awesome! You are by far the coolest man in the Star Trek fraternity!!
Posted by: Paul | May 28, 2002 11:57 PM
Hey Wil,
You're not apologizing about being cast in a successful acting part which now has become blurred with a 'Hasbro' plastic image.
Are you?
The Wesley character was rather gifted, young and handsome. What's wrong with that? We're talking fiction/film here buddy.
Wil. You definately have the writer's gift. 'The Great American Novel' by Wil Wheaton. Or how about an entertaining book based on (topic) which will grab the readers interest
and keep them amused and impressed or (Trek tell all), you know. The Muse.
Writing for Conan O'Brien? Anyway, I've got ten Wesley dolls naked in my fish tank flashing the fish. Tsk tsk.
Lars
Posted by: Lars | May 29, 2002 12:49 AM
yes wil, like sally field..
we like you mr wheaton!, we realy like you!
now it's time to go hunting with the gps gadget..
(to go at least where one other has been!)
Posted by: wade | May 29, 2002 01:07 AM
Delphine said:
>> You deserve your OWN fan site.
Why?
So I can experience the privelege of paying $500 a month like our not-so-wealthy Fearless Leader? No thanks. Think I'll satisfy myself with this little RENT-FREE corner of WWDN comments, thank you very much.
But.
Since you mentioned it (sort of), I hope everyone here realizes that TVsWW sold WC:MIB just so his monkeys could enjoy another few weeks of unlimited Soapbox, comments, and other assorted WWDN.
Yes.
Wil sold his most treasured action figure just for you.
Think about that.
No man should have to sell a mint-in-box action figure of HIMSELF.
That $305 goes right to the hosting service, kids.
That's love, brothers and sisters.
Posted by: Spudnuts | May 29, 2002 01:10 AM
Closure, lot to be said for it and a far, far underestimated thing. We are products of the past and really, like a pearl the future surrounds us strata by strata, but the layers are still there. Those layers shape what we are now, and are visible-know it or not.
Posted by: Tenebrae | May 29, 2002 03:23 AM
Thanks Wil!
Posted by: B1ATCH | May 29, 2002 03:27 AM
Wil,
Amazing. You have a very profound way of writing. I admire it very much. This is the first time I have ever seen this site...I'm so glad I found it.
Semper Fidelis.
Posted by: Ashley Karen Mingledorff aka Nova | May 29, 2002 03:45 AM
Dude, you are so friggin messed up. Hilarious as hell, but messed up. And seriously, I don't wanna know what a plastic figurine was doing with Robin Lefler's "plastic ass".
"So my Tyler Durden is a 5 inch action figure?" *snigger*
Posted by: Briana | May 29, 2002 05:27 AM
Wil,
I know you played Wesley and all, so I can can understand you waxing eloquent.....
but dude, it's a piece of frekin molded plastic in a box!!! get a grip would ya?
sorry, had to be said.
Fats (your arch nemesis )
Posted by: Fats Vernon | May 29, 2002 05:53 AM
That was just beautiful Ensign Crusher. Glad you gave that Wil Wheaton a run for his money!
Seriously, this is the first time I've found your website Wil. I must say, I'm impressed. It won't be my last visit either!
Bye for now
Andy, Nottingham, UK, Sol 3.
Posted by: Lieutenant Arbarra | May 29, 2002 06:04 AM
Great job Wil, I have to say that I agree with the others in saying that this post is among the best you've done.
You might want to consider writing a book (kinda like Shatner's 'Star Trek Memories' series, or Ninmoy's 'I am Spock') about living with Wesley. Maybe turn the whole shtick on it's ear and make it an illustrated children's book or something, told from the perspective of the Wesley action figure.
Posted by: Grey | May 29, 2002 06:34 AM
You have to love a 5 inch Tyler Durden....talk about locking up your closet before going to sleep. And I am pretty sure Cadet Wesley can take any Star Wars figure around...they can't say cock-knocker !
Posted by: James | May 29, 2002 06:50 AM
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1732631911
Posted by: Stavr0 | May 29, 2002 06:56 AM
Word
Posted by: hops | May 29, 2002 07:33 AM
Stavr I am SHOCKED that they didn't get $3575 for the Wesley prototype.***faints***
:-)
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jessie1977/
Posted by: Jessie | May 29, 2002 07:41 AM
So if u r ever out in LA how would u come about meeting this "Wil Wheaton"?
Posted by: LT_Tom_Paris | May 29, 2002 07:54 AM
I walked by a US Postal vehicle yesterday and the damdest thing happened. Stand By Me was playing on the radio, but from the rear, where the parcels were stacked, I could hear a tiny muffled voice uttering phrases between the song lyrics. If I had never visited WWDN, I would never have know what the hell was going on. It sounded, if I recall correctly, something like this: The tiny muffled voice is in parenthesis.
Stand By Me (King - Leiber - Stoller)
Parenthesis :(Crusher, the bad ass.)
When the night has come
(Hey, I don't want to stay in this box any more.)
And the land is dark
(This box is cold and dark)
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid
Oh I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
(No! You suck, Wheaton!)
So darlin' darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me
(put me in a Jello mold)
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
(Hey, slow down, jackass. You're going to give me motion sickness.)
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No I won't shed a tear
(I've...uh...I think I have something in my eye.)
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
(No! You suck, Wheaton!)
And darlin' darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me
(Shut up, Wheaton.)
Darlin' darlin' stand by me
(I'm Cadet Crusher, the bad ass)
Oh stand by me
(Need I remind you who waxed Robin Lefler's ass?)
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me
(You suck, Wheaton!)
Whenever you're in trouble just stand by me
(Hey, they can kiss my shiny plastic ass.)
Oh stand by me
(You're such a pussy, Wheaton.)
Whoa stand now, oh stand, stand by me
(Just close the fucking box and send me on my way.)
(You suck, Wheaton!)
Posted by: Nyarl | May 29, 2002 08:10 AM
Inescapable smell. You mean that overwhelming stench of unwashed geek that pervades ever con in existence? *grin* Horrible, isn't it? :)
Posted by: Jeremy | May 29, 2002 08:20 AM
Nice.
Posted by: Isaac | May 29, 2002 08:56 AM
I love this series of posts- hilfuckingarious! Just two things:
1. You played with dolls? (Princess Leah? Sounds like one of those cartoon-show dolls they had comercials for every five minutes in the 80's-though I suppose it could be one from he-man or something.)
2. If you had a bobble-head of yourself, would that make you your own yes-man?
btw, Cherish, what about the sarah mclaughlin song in toy story 2?
Posted by: dake | May 29, 2002 09:42 AM