Fireworks
When I was growing up, we always spent Fourth of July with my father's Aunt and Uncle, at their fabulous house in Toluca Lake.
It was always a grand affair, and I looked forward to spending each Independence Day listening to Sousa marches, swimming in their enormous pool, and watching a fireworks show on the back patio.
This fireworks display was always exciting because we were in the middle of LA County, where even the most banal of fireworks --the glow worms-- are highly illegal, and carried severe fines and the threat of imprisonment, should we be discovered by LA's finest. The excitement of watching the beautiful cascade of sparks and color pouring out of a Happy Flower With Report was always enhanced by the knowledge that we were doing something forbidden and subversive.
Yes, even as a child I was already on my way to being a dangerous subversive. Feel free to talk to any of my middle school teachers if you doubt me.
Each year, the older children, usually teenagers and college-aged, would be chosen to light the fireworks, and create the display for the rest of the family.
I was Chosen in 1987, when I was 14.
The younger cousins, with whom I'd sat for so many years, would now watch me the way we'd watched Tommy, Bobby, Richard, and Crazy Cousin Bruce, who always brought highly-illegal firecrackers up from Mexico.
I was going to be a man in the eyes of my family.
This particular 4th of July was also memorable because it was the first 4th that was celebrated post-Stand By Me, and at the time I had become something of a mini-celebrity around the family. Uncles who had never talked to me before were asking me to sign autographs for people at work, older cousins who had bullied me for years were proclaiming me "cool," and I was the recipient of a lot of unexpected attention.
I was initially excited to get all this newfound attention, because I'd always wanted to impress my dad's family, and make my dad proud, but deep down I felt like it was all a sham. I was the same awkward kid I'd always been, and they were treating me differently because of celebrity, which I had already realized was fleeting and bullshit.
Looking back on it now, I think the invitation to light fireworks may have had less to do with my age than it had to do with my growing fame...but I didn't care. Fame is fleeting...but it can get a guy some cool stuff from time to time, you know? I allowed myself to believe that it was just a coincidence.
The day passed as it always did. There were sack races, basket ball games, and water balloon tosses, all of which I participated in, but with a certain impatience. These yearly events were always fun, to be sure, but they were standing directly between me and the glorious excitement of pyrotechnic bliss.
Finally, the sun began to set. Lawn chairs were arranged around the patio, clothes were changed, and I bid my brother and sister farewell as I joined my fellow firework lighters near the corner of the house.
As the sun sank lower and lower, sparklers were passed out to everyone, even the younger children. I politely declined, my mind absolutely focused on the coming display. I wanted to make a big impression on the family. I was going to start out with something amazing, which would really grab their attention. I'd start with some groundflowers, then a Picolo Pete, and a sparkling cone. From then on, I'd just improvise with the older cousins, following their lead as we worked together to weave a spectacular tapestry of burning phosphor and gunpowder for 5 generations of family.
The sun finally set, the family was finally seated, and the great display was to begin. Some of the veteran fireworks lighters went first, setting off some cascading fountains and a pinwheel. The assembled audience cheered and gasped its collective approval, and it was my turn.
I steeled myself, and walked to the center of the large patio, casually kicking aside the still-hot remains of just-fired fountains. Casually, like someone who had done this hundreds of times before.
My hands trembled slightly, as I picked up three ground flowers that I'd wound together. My thumb struck flint and released flaming butane. I lit the fuse and became a man. The sparkling fire raced towards the ignition point, and rather than following the directions to "LIGHT FUSE, PUT ON GROUND AND GET AWAY," I did something incredibly stupid: I tossed it on the ground.
The bundle of flowers rolled quickly across the patio, towards my captive and appreciative audience.
Two of the flowers ignited, and began their magical dance of colorful fire on the cement, while the third continued to roll, coming to rest in the grass beneath the chair of a particularly old and close-to-death great-great-great aunt.
The colored flame which was creating such a beautiful and harmless display on the patio was spraying directly at this particular matriarch, the jet of flame licking obscenely at the bottom of the chair.
The world was instantly reduced to a few sounds: My own heartbeat in my ears, the screams of the children seated near my great-great-great aunt, and the unmistakable zip of the now-dying flowers on the patio.
I don't know what happened, but somehow my great-great-great aunt, who'd managed to survive every war of the 20th century, managed to also survive this great mistake of mine. She was helped to her feet, and she laughed.
Unfortunately, she was the only one who was laughing. One of my dad's cousins, who was well into his twenties and never attended family gatherings accompanied by the same date, sternly ripped the lighter from my hand, and ordered me back to the lawn, to sit with the other children. Maybe I could try again next year, when I was "more responsible and not such a careless idiot."
I was crushed. My moment in the family spotlight was over before it had even begun, and not even the glow of pseudo-celebrity could save me.
I carefully avoided eye contact, as I walked slowly, humiliated and embarrassed, back to the lawn, where I tried not to cry. I know the rest of the show unfolded before me, but I don't remember it. All I could see was a mental replay of the bundle of ground flowers rolling across the patio. If that one rogue firework hadn't split off from its brothers, I thought, I would still be up there for the finale, which always featured numerous pinwheels and a Chinese lantern.
When the show was over, I was too embarrassed to apologize, and I raced away before the patio lights could come on. I spent the rest of the evening in the front yard, waiting to go home.
The following year I was firmly within the grip of sullen teenage angst and spent most of the festivities with my face planted firmly in a book --Foundation, or something, most likely-- and I watched the fireworks show with the calculated disinterest of a 15 year old.
That teenage angst held me in its grasp for the next few years, and I even skipped a year or two, opting to attend some parties where there were girls who I looked at, but never had the courage to talk to.
By the time I had achieved escape velocity from my petulant teenage years, Aunt Betty and Uncle Dick had sold the house, and 4th of July would never happen with them again.
The irony is not lost on me, that I wanted so badly to show them all how grown up I was, only to behave more childishly than ever the following years.
This Fourth of July, I sat on the roof of my friend Darin's house with Anne and the boys, and watched fireworks from the high school. Nolan held my hand, and Ryan leaned against me as we watched the Chamber of Commerce create magic in the sky over La Crescenta.
I thought back to that day, 15 years ago, and once again I saw the groundflower roll under that chair and try to ignite great-great-great aunt whatever her name was.
Then I looked down at Nolan's smiling face, illuminated in flashes of color.
"This is so cool, Wil!" He declared, "thanks for bringing us to watch this."
"Just be glad you're on a roof and not in a lawn chair," I told him.
"Why?"
"Well..." I began to tell him the story, but we were distracted by a particularly spectacular aerial flower of light and sparks.
In that moment, I realized that no matter how hard I try, I will never get back that day in 1987, nor will I get to relive the sullen years afterwards...but I do get to sit on the roof with my wife and her boys now, and enjoy 4th of July as a step-dad...at least until the kids hit the sullen years themselves.
Then I'm going to sit them in lawnchairs and force them to watch me light groundflowers.
Comments
Before I even read today's blog, welcome back Unca Willy! We missed you! :tacklehugs:
Now back to the blog... :)
>^..^
Posted by: Toonces | July 6, 2002 12:34 PM
Could be worse. The last time I did the fireworks as a kid, a bottle rocket went straight up the tailpipe of the jackass teenager who lived across the street. The vehicle didn't explode, which I now find disappointing, as that means I spent the rest of the night fleeing the neighbourhood for nothing.
Posted by: Gwalchmai | July 6, 2002 12:49 PM
Welcome back Head Monkey!
Question: Are you still a careless idiot? :)
Posted by: JoshAct | July 6, 2002 12:49 PM
I suppose I should have noted I meant that to be the tailpipe of the CAR of the jackass teenager.
On second thought, as it came out is MUCH funnier.
Posted by: Gwalchmai | July 6, 2002 12:51 PM
Told like a true pyromaniac. Welcome back Monkeyboy.
Posted by: scaryduck | July 6, 2002 12:51 PM
Wil, this has been said before by many others, but I have to reiterate it now: you have real talent as a writer. You capture the emotion and memory of childhood incredibly well, so that it helps me to remember how I felt when I was younger. Between this story and the landspeeder trade story, you've totally made some of my forgotten childhood stories resurface. I usually just remember the event, but your stories help me remember how I was feeling and what I was thinking at the time as well. So thanks for that. :)
Now, for the important question: what the fark are groundflowers?
Posted by: Mandy | July 6, 2002 12:54 PM
Cool ... i wish we had 4th July celebrations over here ... i luv fireworks. But alas, none for poor Chris :( i am reduced to looking at photos of them. And even when its like new Years Eve ... all my friends are with their families, my parents go to the golf club for drinks and to party.. so i am stuck home with my sister, watching crud TV with no Firework in site. But i cant say i have almost killed a member of the fimily with one before :S . Maybe a plantpot tho ;)
=-- Chris --=
p.s Hope you enjoyed it.
Posted by: Chris Batey (EizlAw) | July 6, 2002 12:56 PM
Okily dokily, now that I've read the blog for today, I can truly say that Wil, YOU DA MAN!
Posted by: Toonces | July 6, 2002 12:56 PM
I love fireworks, but had a similar experience with a groundflower, but was on the receiving end. Even as an adult, I prefer to watch fireworks from a comfortable distance. I know, I know, I am a wuss.
Posted by: alexa | July 6, 2002 01:09 PM
that is an incredibly touching story. You should really write a book someday, Wil.
Posted by: court | July 6, 2002 01:15 PM
lol, wil. master storyteller as always.
see? them damn fireworks is dangee-roos!
Posted by: Just_Your_Imagination | July 6, 2002 01:19 PM
^5's
Posted by: Phil | July 6, 2002 01:27 PM
Welcome back Wil! You were missed.
Thanks for treating us to that story. It reminded me of a time when some friends and I lit some fireworks and a strobe flew into a neighbor's holly bush which went up like the tree in Christmas Vacation, only slower and more dramatically.
I love your stories. They really do cover me with a warmth of nostalgia. Write a book young man!
Best on and on,
Brock
Posted by: Brock | July 6, 2002 01:28 PM
What a great time! I managed to tolerate the oppressive heat and humidity long enough to hike with the neighbors and their friends and their friends' kids on over to the stadium, where we laid out on a blanket on the grass on the side of the road to watch the show. We were surrounded by people setting off mini displays (which are legal here in the Hoosier state, apparently,) and children alternately waving sparklers and chasing lightning bugs.
I hope that I have kids around some day to share that kind of experience!
Posted by: kendoka | July 6, 2002 01:45 PM
Good Story Wil. And you can do dialogue!
There's a book or a short story in you for sure.
John
Posted by: John | July 6, 2002 01:45 PM
I agree with Brock. You're storie's are really great. They cheer me up when I'm let down by the world. Maybee you can write a book with storie's from you're weblog, and about the community that's grown around this lame little site. LOL I don't think it's lame though. :)
Posted by: SpiderWebb | July 6, 2002 01:50 PM
Good story, Wil... and I agree with Brock and the others as well. You should write a story, if not a ST:TNG memoir. *runs for it* Seeing "Commander Riker" is a film maker now (I think... so I've heard anyway) maybe you two should team up :)
Posted by: The Silent Strider | July 6, 2002 01:58 PM
Wow Wil, thats a great story. I went to a mini illegal display in Orange County this 4th and was somewhat amazed at how potentially dangerous those little things are and the fact that adults don't mind the kiddies running around them, or running around poking sparklers at people, sparklers that burn at 1000 deg F at their tips and that could take out an eye or cause some nice minor burning.
I guess there is a reason they're illegal. But hey, the big shows are so much cooler anyway.
Do us all a favor and don't light your kid's Foundation book on fire in your quest to prove your adult coolness. :-)
Posted by: AgMan | July 6, 2002 02:19 PM
Okay.
I see the sequel to "A Christmas Story." It's "A Fourth-Of-July Story." Yeah! Starring Wil Wheaton as the voice of the adult ... um ... Wil Wheaton. Or...something.
Anyway.... okay, I don't know why, but this entry just totally reminded me of "A Christmas Story." Can't you picture the scene all laid out with the kids and the groundflowers and Great-great-great-great-Aunt Matilda with this entry as the narration?
Once you have the script, you should take it to ... oh, I don't know ... someone you know from Hollywood that directs now and go "Hey! I have 1 4 U! U R my friend."
(Had to get that last line in there. It's obligatory. Sorry.)
MV
Posted by: MrsVeteran | July 6, 2002 02:29 PM
Hey, welcome back, Wil. My family, including my step-daughter, also had a great 4th. We parked in a Kroger's parking lot right off of Houstons' I-45, eating McDonald's ice cream cones and watching the display going off over Splashtown. My two little girls screamed excitedly at each and every firework, no matter how near or how far. My step-daughter, who is not usually affectionate towards me, did put her arm around me and let me hold her awhile while we watched fireworks together.
Off topic...I wrote when you first announced that you are walking for Avon's Walk-a-thon and told you that I was in the process of being tested to donate a kidney to my aunt ( who raised me ). Well, is it turns out, I am unable to be tested due to some asthmatic condition that I had like 100 years ago. My aunt recently had the shunt placed in her arm and will begin dialysis shortly.
I want to thank everyone who wrote and supported me during this time. There are times of sheer beauty in life and times where you hold on to your faith ( or whatever you believe in ) with all your might. This is one of those times for me and for my family.
God bless ya'll. Wil and Anne, keep up the good work !!
Vikki
Posted by: Vikki | July 6, 2002 02:48 PM
fire fire fire!
Posted by: Courtney | July 6, 2002 02:50 PM
That was worth waiting 2 weeks for.
You must WRITE A BOOK, WIL! (Has anyone told you that before...?)
It'd be sure to make you famous. ;)
Posted by: NickW | July 6, 2002 03:03 PM
AWWWWW... thats ok wil. everyone makes mistakes... we still love you!
Posted by: Jason | July 6, 2002 03:06 PM
Actually a book would be cool, or a movie screen play or better yet, a theater piece.
Posted by: BBOCK | July 6, 2002 03:11 PM
"Fame is fleeting.."
C'mon Uncle Wil..how MANY other "stars" from that
same period have the FAN base and LOYALTY that
you STILL do?!
Not counting the 50,000 MONKEYS.
Okay so we count.
I hate fireworks..yep its true...waste of money
and time.
But I liked your story as usual.
You can really write.( adds THAT comment for the
zillionth time!)
WRITE A BOOK ALREADY!
And how did you like your walk-a-thon total?
Surprised?
Posted by: bluecat-redblanket | July 6, 2002 03:22 PM
i laughed, i cried, i remembered all the times i made a total fool out of myself up til now. (why does it seem that everyone else around you "gets it" and have found a way to be "cool" when you're still tripping over your own two feet and acting like an idiot?) anyway great recount Wil you ARE really talented as a writer. i'm glad you had a good time this 4th.
Sam
ps.
don't be too hard on the kids when they'd rather read a book; at least they're reading.
Posted by: Samantha Lee | July 6, 2002 03:25 PM
I'm already camping ouside the bookstore...
Posted by: Jeice Guyver | July 6, 2002 03:29 PM
beautifully written, that's all I have to say. Very King-esque.
Posted by: Me me me me me me | July 6, 2002 04:03 PM
Wil,
If you like fireworks, why dont you bring Anne and the kids to Britain for our Guy Fawkes Night celebrations.
I love the whole run-up to GFN. You know when Halloween aproaches that you only have 5 days to ensure your bonfire is the biggest and best in the neighbourhood!
Mam is busy preparing the baked potatoes and bangers.
Dad makes sure no hedgehogs have nested in the bowels of the bonfire,
Auntie spikes the fruit punch to give it "that extra kick", and the kids are head to foot in woolly scarves, hats, mittens and their best thick winter coat, (did I mention GFN is November 5th?!?)
The dog does its Houdini impression and can be found cowering under the bed as Dad lines the fireworks up like little soldiers. (aaaaahhhhh, memories)
But do you know what's the best part of the whole Guy Fawkes Night experience?...
...CHRISTMAS IS ONLY SIX WEEKS AWAY!!! lol
Posted by: Foxychik | July 6, 2002 04:44 PM
That story was sweet, sentimental and funny. Thanks for sharing. :)
Posted by: Angelwwolf | July 6, 2002 05:12 PM
One word applies to this story, AWESOME. Glad to see you're recovered from your trip. :)
Posted by: Bleu | July 6, 2002 05:20 PM
My friend Geoff and I were driving back from The Who concert at Shoreline when, as we were plugging along 24 through Oakland, there's this burst of yellow flame, followed by some pink flame.
Someone was setting off fireworks. It was most cool. I'm not talking some dinky little sparklers or anything; I'm talking fireworks on the scale of city-approved celebrations.
We passed by the house that presumably set them off, and it was all bright and smoky.
So, go illegal fireworks, so long as they don't start any fires. Then, you're just an idiot.
Posted by: KJB | July 6, 2002 05:22 PM
This reminds me of Ray Bradbury's Dandelion Wine. Very well-written and moving.
Posted by: Andrew | July 6, 2002 05:55 PM
Wil, this is the best entry I've ever read on here. It was so heartfelt and real. I can only hope to a fraction of the writer you are. And you're an amazing person, too. Lots of love!
Posted by: Rachel | July 6, 2002 05:56 PM
You know Wil, it's probably not escaped the notice of a good many of the readers here, but aren't you perhaps in the wrong profession? It's about time you put these writing talents to good use and wrote a book!! If William F Shatner can do it (albeit with the help of ghost writers) I'm damn sure you can!!
Posted by: Lynn | July 6, 2002 06:08 PM
One of the little neighbourhood kids burned a hole through my PJs with a sparkler on Victoria Day. I've had mixed feelings on fireworks ever since.
Whenever it is July 4, I remember Patrick Stewart being on Letterman, and Dave asked him if they celebrate July 4 in England. Patrick said how, like "we never really wanted that colony anyway"?
Posted by: tanyak | July 6, 2002 07:40 PM
"Two of the flowers ignited, and began their magical dance of colorful fire on the cement, while the third continued to roll, coming to rest in the grass beneath the chair of a particularly old and close-to-death great-great-great aunt."
I was truly in horror, Wil. I thought for a moment that we might get some deep, dark story with ritualistic burials in the back yard or the makings of a good Sam Raimi/Bruce Campbell film. I spent many a summer vacation in my youth in Toluca Lake. That would explain a lot...
But really, Wil - who hasn't almost killed the aunt or uncle who can already see the light if they stare hard enough?
I'm in the same boat, my friend. Until this year, fireworks were illegal in Minnesota too (I guess people were afraid the snow would catch on fire.) It was always a deviant treat when pappy let me flail the sparklers around or let the jumping jacks go on the driveway.
Funny, but they never let young Wesley Crusher play with the fireworks either...
You da man, Wil!
Posted by: I Am Steve | July 6, 2002 07:47 PM
Don't worry Wil, even adults make mistakes with fireworks. When I was little, my dad accidentally burned me with a Sparkler when he handed it to me. The bad thing now is that I'm 19 and absolutely terrified of Sparklers. Do you know what kind of a wimp I look like when 8 yr olds are running around with them, and I'm like "No! Get away from me with that thing!" Yep, good ol Dad. What would I do without him?
Posted by: Alexis | July 6, 2002 08:19 PM
Hey! I was reading your story and I just thought it was kind of cool that you were watching fireworks over La Crescenta 'cause I live in the city right next to it, La Canada (I don't know if you know where that is). Anyway, I just wanted to say Welcome Back and I hope you had a fun trip.
Posted by: Kathryn | July 6, 2002 08:44 PM
hey Wil,
Cool story dude. I haven't thought about Chinese lanterns in a long time. I use to love those things. Thanks
Posted by: JEA | July 6, 2002 09:11 PM
Of course it's those memories that last a lifetime. The ones we never forget and forever cherish. I think the best part of those memories is looking back years later as you're creating new memories... just as you did. What an awesome feeling.
Posted by: Laura | July 6, 2002 09:27 PM
Can you hear the chant Wil? huh? it's out there. . .
book, book, book, book, book, book Booooooook!
Posted by: Grendel | July 6, 2002 09:54 PM
You know, those damn groundflower are the bane of my existence. I grew up in North Texas, where by July 4th every thing is a nice, crispy brown and fireworks and incendiary devices of ANY description were illegal. Imagine my sheltered, city kid joy when a friend of mine showed up at a college graduation get together with an assortment of flaming things, groundflowers included.
I burned a hole in the lawn (note: when throwing, do not throw in grass) and the police came.
"No officer, sir, I don't know anything about any fireworks. I was, uh, asleep. I didn't hear any loud bangs..."
Posted by: Adrienne | July 6, 2002 10:37 PM
CAPTAIN ON THE BRIDGE!
Welcome home wheaton clan!
I tust all is well? ;-)
Nice entry today Mr.Wil.
If I had been drinking coke,Im sure it would have come out my nose from laughing so hard.
That's laughing with not @.heh heh heh.
Hey, you might want to update your wish list,there is no more "Talk Soup" or "Politicaly Incorrect". Bummer Huh?
Take care,and post the trip pics quick.
Posted by: REDRHINO | July 6, 2002 10:39 PM
Welcome back and NOT THE GROUNDFLOWERS!!
:P
Tamila
Posted by: Tamila | July 6, 2002 10:54 PM
Dude, that's so cool, I had a good Fourth this year too. Welcome Back Sir!!!!
BTW- di you get to my e-mail about the donation of Body Bust for E-bay?? Lemmie know. :)
Posted by: Andie-Gypsy_girl | July 6, 2002 11:05 PM
Lovely story, Wil. Thanks for sharing it with us. :-)
Posted by: Huh bunny | July 6, 2002 11:13 PM
Does being 14 suck or what? Eighties teen angst movies come to mind...Molly Ringwald in 16 candles. I'd love to see that character revisited in her late 20's/early 30's.
Back in my own youth I remember beautiful fountains of light in front of our house and the occasional deafening sound of an M80 sending you running into the house for cover.
I lived for those safe & sane fireworks and stroked them like potential sex partners for a week before we got to fire them off.
Fourth of July laser light shows? Battling crowds to watch 20 minute city sponsored firework events? I'll take almost igniting an ancient Aunt over those any day.
Posted by: eyeno | July 7, 2002 12:15 AM
:)
Posted by: Miel | July 7, 2002 01:01 AM
Ah, groundflowers were my favorite. See, I'd grip it in my hand and stroke it with my thumb. You have to do that to make it perform the best. Then you light it, and hold on until the fuse burns in. Shortly before you get third degree hand burns you throw it in a high overhand arc, and watch it ride a spike of multicolored flame like a little rocket.
We usually did this near water so we could get a few underwater ignitions.
This year it was all about rockets, and occasionally having one misfire on my foot when it refused to take off. There's something about being above a pyrotechnic explosion of green and red that's kinda cool.
Posted by: White Russian | July 7, 2002 01:09 AM
Same thing happened to me at Khe Sanh in '68.
Posted by: Spudnuts | July 7, 2002 01:13 AM
Spudnuts, are you familiar with Cold Chisel's masterful song of the Australian working class, "Khe Sanh"? It's a defacto national anthem in these parts. I think you'd like it.
http://www.coldchisel.com.au/l1_khesahn.html
Posted by: Hot Soup Girl | July 7, 2002 03:52 AM
Wow! I'm absoulutely amazed. You participated in the 4th of July celebration this year?? That's incredible considering the loathing you have for our Country. You're support of a culture that apparently is so evil, corrupt and war-like to you suprises many of us who love the USA and the people who make up our Country. Perhaps there's a republican inside you?
Posted by: Wade | July 7, 2002 04:05 AM
Ya careless idiot. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by: Chelsey | July 7, 2002 05:00 AM
Don't worry Wil, u're not the only one who has ruined firework displays. For bonfire night, when I was 15 I was asked to light them too, and I ended up scaring about 30 people. Come to think of it, it's 5 years later and I still haven't been asked to light them again.
Oh yeah, u grown out of your 'careless idiot' stage, or u still there?
Posted by: Annie | July 7, 2002 05:49 AM
Firstly, what are groundflowers??? It's amazing how the worst can turn out to be the best, my brother and I sharre memries of our favourite fireworks when our mother banned them because we'd been fighting. We ended up sitting high up in a block of flats watching way better fireworks and spitting biscuit-gunge onto cars below. Maybe oneday you'll light the groundflowers for your relatives and it will be great. Anyway.
Posted by: Lynne | July 7, 2002 09:12 AM
wil, a pyro. who knew :)
and here i thought i was the only one.
Posted by: kristin | July 7, 2002 09:47 AM
Oh my God... I don't even know what to say. This entry touched me like no other.
Jess
Posted by: yoyofool | July 7, 2002 10:31 AM
Wade,
I'm about the most conservitive guy on the planet. I keep friends with people from all over the political spectrum. Wil's liberal whining does annoy me sometimes but he loves this country. That is the wonderful thing about this country: WE ARE A MELTING POT. We vote and the majority wins... or at least that is how it is supposed to work. How can you take a simple story of someones childhood and turn it like that? You must be a very bitter and empty person. Let's keep our discussions in the realm of ideas and not personal destruction. I support our troops and what G.W. is doing, that does not mean that Wil should shut up. If you want a one sided dogmatic society, please move to Iran.
Posted by: Al | July 7, 2002 10:44 AM
Hey Wil,
Been waiting for you to get back!!!
4th of July sounds cool.... and I know everyone is totally gonna beat me up cause I'm Canadaian.... but hey.... we have fireworks too!!!!
I spent my Canada Day voleenteering in the hot sun for 5 1/2 hours... boring!!! And this is only me at 14! AHHHH!!!!!
Well, talk to ya later! Gald you are back and feeling better!
Lily
Posted by: Lily | July 7, 2002 11:14 AM
Will, I know a person who almost burned his eye out. You did not do so bad for a first light-up.
F.G.
Posted by: F.G. | July 7, 2002 02:51 PM
wil,
One word INCREDIBLE. Truly a story that touched my heart. I laughed and I got all teary eyed as I read it. Thanks for making a sick guy feel good if only for a few minutes. You see I come to your site daily hoping for an update that will make my day. Sometimes I think your site and old Next Generation reruns daily are all that keep me going. Don't ever stop wil you are so talented and gifted you really should write a book. Glad your feeling better, can't wait till your next post. I hope this site last 20 more years. going boldly till next time.......Matt.
Posted by: matt | July 7, 2002 03:00 PM
that blog is too long - im sorry, my concentration span isn't what it used to be...!
Posted by: tunde | July 7, 2002 03:05 PM
Great story wil, it had me gripped all the way through. Good to know that your whole family had a good time the other day
Posted by: Kordith | July 7, 2002 04:15 PM
Ah, Uncle willie is cheating.
He has put his fund raising total up and not told us!
Don't worry wil, we will get you there
Posted by: Kordith | July 7, 2002 04:19 PM
Boooooo fourth of July sucks. American patriotism sucks. Ok now that I showed my own display of Canadian Angst...
I have a deep seeded fear of fireworks.
Posted by: Fallulah | July 7, 2002 04:27 PM
Growing up in the NYC/NJ area, July 4th was very special. When we lived in the northeast Bronx, block parties were all the rage. We would cook out, listen to free concerts by those who would later be called the creators of hip-hop, and watch the coolest fireworks display this side of Macy's yearly fete. It helped to have neighbors who were friends of the Grucci's. When we moved to Jersey City, we enjoyed the great concerts in Liberty Park, cooked out, and experienced up close the Macy's display, the tall ships, and all from Lady Liberty's back yard. In this year that our liberty is under fire from many directions, it's very good to recall those innocent times when we didn't have to worry about terrorists, or
cryto-facsists, corrupt businesses, or aids.
Posted by: Christopher-Jaison | July 7, 2002 05:36 PM
I've had bad experiences with fireworks too, and I'm 14 now. Not too long ago we were watching fireworks and this dumb kid is in front of us swinging a sparkler. Well, he throws the sparkler in my moms purse and then falls and knocks his sister? over and she drops a sparkler on me. I didn't get burned but my mom wan't to happy about it cause some of her papers got it. God, what's wrong with kids these days. Glad you had a nice vacation Wil and a good fourth of July! Am happy you didn't throw any fireworks on the ground and watch them roll under any of your aunts!!!! :P
Posted by: Stephanie | July 7, 2002 05:41 PM
C'mon, Amazon.com! Why don't you list Uncle Willy's book! I wanna pre-order it!
Wadda ya mean he has to write it first?!?
Stupid Jeff Bezos....
Posted by: LittleGuy | July 7, 2002 05:44 PM
I can picture that so clearly! You have the gift of story telling. Very, very cool.
Posted by: mish | July 7, 2002 06:28 PM
That is such a good story. We all make mistakes as teens but at least you learned from yours. My sister still lights smoke bombs in her hand after she blistered her hand from doing that once. Maybe she is one of your 50,000 monkeys.
Posted by: Jodie | July 7, 2002 07:42 PM
SHUT UP wilwheaton!!!
Posted by: god | July 7, 2002 08:22 PM
god, shut up.
O, the irony.
Posted by: KJB | July 7, 2002 08:50 PM
god said:
>> SHUT UP wilwheaton!!!
You shut up! Where's my motherfucking kayak and how come my dick isn't any longer?!
Posted by: Spudnuts | July 7, 2002 09:49 PM
God-
Your mom called and you need to go home. Apologize to Mr. Buddha next door for kicking over his lotus flowers, take out the trash (make sure you grab all the little troll cultists from the fringe floor pot in the back of the garage), and then march up to your room and list your sins.
She says to make sure your still remorseful for the Crusades, the Inquisition, and the current and past Bush Administrations daily among whatever nonsense you've managed to cause this afternoon and then come downstairs and tell her that you love her.
Cause that's all she needs babe.
Posted by: MissKittyFantastico | July 7, 2002 10:24 PM
I will crush all you WilWheatonDotNerds.Feel my wrath!!
Posted by: god | July 7, 2002 11:07 PM
Damn, the wrath of god has made my leg itch.
Spudnuts, if your dick got any longer, it might be too long... assuming there is such thing as "too long".
Which reminds me, you've provided *days* of entertainment for people I know. You are a demigod of sorts.
... and hell, you don't threaten posters with wrath, you threaten them with sexual athleticism on par with Caligula (only slightly less expensive).
Posted by: KJB | July 7, 2002 11:23 PM
Feel it- how?
I could flash my tits at your main rep on earth and the guy would be dining with St. Peter before dawn tommorow.
You know what the Church needs.
A man with Soul Power.
No not of the Angel Investigations kind (too broody and plus he's got that freakin' wonder brat to look after and the ditz with the glasses).
I mean like Samuel L. Jackson type.
Then I might be up to quakin', shiverin', and doing the whole wowzer in awe to your wrath mojo.
Ya dig?
Now scurry off before your mother catches you!
Posted by: MissKittyFantastico | July 7, 2002 11:25 PM
Wade: Please learn the difference between criticizing one's country and hating it. I think Wil's prior blog entries have made it transparent which side of that dichotomy he falls on. (It's my own opinion that a true patriot, far from remaining silent, is obliged to speak up when he feels the government is mistaken, corrupt, or simply indifferent. It is a government "of the people, by the people, for the people" -- not over the people.
God: I stopped listening to you a long time ago. You aren't relevant. Go away.
Posted by: Andrew | July 8, 2002 12:06 AM
Now hear this geeks, there will be fire floods and tornadoes to warn of the coming apocalypse or it might be if wilwheaton makes a comeback.
Posted by: god | July 8, 2002 01:05 AM
MissKitty makes an excellent point. There is not nearly enough mojo-divinity out there.
Posted by: KJB | July 8, 2002 01:06 AM
I love fire floods - they are really pretty, and generally harmless.
Besides, I remember being told that the Antichrist (who is involved with the Apocalypse) is a dark-haired Jewish male alive right now. Wil Wheaton isn't Jewish, so far as I know.
So HA.
Posted by: KJB | July 8, 2002 01:14 AM
GREAT story! When will we have the chance to read one of your books Wil? :) It will be a bestseller, haha.
Bye, Helene
Posted by: Helene | July 8, 2002 03:27 AM
I just saw Flubber
That's all I'm going to say about that
As regards your adventure, be glad you didn't burn down a flowerbed...
Trust me.
Posted by: Scatcat | July 8, 2002 03:44 AM
wil,
how have you made it this far without seeing any
shrink?
cute story, I whish I could remember events of my
youth...
hope you are now all rested from the big trip.
because you start training this weekend!
October is just a few weeks away, so get to it!
I want news coverage on this!
did you hear about Corey Feldman and his new CD
album? I can't wait (not!) it's to be released
sometime this week! I wait for your review before I spend any of my hardly earned money...
later
Posted by: wade | July 8, 2002 03:49 AM
With all the stress I have today, this entry made me laugh... a lot. You MUST write a book Wil. You have a gift for writing that should be shared with the larger masses.
Thank you.
Posted by: Ana Marylee | July 8, 2002 05:19 AM
Someone should have helped you. It wasn't your fault. Robert Frost has a poem about a little horse left alone in an open field, frightened of his first snowstorm. Someone should take him in.
Posted by: Willis Jarvis | July 8, 2002 05:21 AM
Me thinks MissKitty has seen "Dogma" one too
many times.
Posted by: bluecat/redblanket | July 8, 2002 05:32 AM
I read the whole thing twice (Once to myself and once to my sister) and still only one thing popped out at me, "with my wife and her boys". WIL! They're your boys too now, your better to them then their dad is and love them even more, I'm sure. I don't know why you don't just say "my boys", or "our boys". Ok...well...bye.
P.s. Once I lit one of those spinner fireworks and it caught my dad's boot on fire...those were good times...
Posted by: Kate | July 8, 2002 07:35 AM
It was on last night on CC and I have the DVD- 2 disk that I watched with a friend the night before.
sigh.. I'm gonna miss you all.
Specially Wil after that great story- I'm joining the chant Wil- 123 GO Book!
On Wensday I am fleeing the land of Cows and Hi Os to visit the land of somewhat smoggy Angels and Vincent Kartheiser.
Woot!
This tomboy even bought a frilly pretty dress.
Oh the humanity...
Posted by: MissKittyFantastico | July 8, 2002 09:05 AM
Thanks for a beautifully told story. That's all...
Posted by: Puddin' | July 8, 2002 01:49 PM
Wil --
OK. This isn't directly related to your anecdote, but I wouldn't have thought of this if I hadn't read it.
You should write more than just for yourself and us -- try to get something in print. Reach a bigger audience. Acting is fun, but it sounds like you're brimming with stories. I know, who wants to read about your everyday life, right? What I mean is that you should (and could) write fiction, or do something like Seinfeld did and pen one of those Books of Witty Observations on Life.
Or do something activism-related. Y'know, like spend a year in the Third World helping out, then recount the experience in a book -- try to expose people through the words to a world they haven't really considered. Something along those lines. Hell, I dunno. But you've got some style here -- your anecdotes always come through as real, not polished or cynical.
Just something to think about.
Posted by: Ben W. | July 8, 2002 02:04 PM
HEY GOD?!
When your trembling hands stike the earth to unleash fire,floods,and tornadoes,make sure you follow the directions "Place on Earth and get away",lest you look like an idiot and have them
end up beneath the chair of Wil's great-great-great aunt.
Posted by: REDRHINO | July 8, 2002 02:06 PM
yeah, I had the whole back of my truck go off at *explicative* once. It was full of fireworks and a UFO landed right in the middle of it. Man, what a FARKING show!
Took a while to get the black smut off.
Posted by: t e s | July 8, 2002 02:50 PM
Children, if you feed the troll, he won't just go away...
Posted by: dake | July 8, 2002 03:25 PM
Wil, that story seemed like a metaphor for sexual awakening. hmmm.
Posted by: Alison Coffey | July 8, 2002 05:32 PM
Fantastic story bro! Thanks for sharing it. And for sharing your life on this site. Very cool.
God bless. >
Posted by: Gary | July 8, 2002 06:42 PM
wil that was a great beautiful story. maybe you should think of getting that one published too.
Posted by: Maureen | July 8, 2002 06:51 PM
wil that was a great beautiful story. maybe you should think of getting that one published too.
Posted by: Maureen | July 8, 2002 06:51 PM
Quick Wil! Get that story published. It has to be one of the best (if not the best) story you've ever done. From one writer to another, I think you are a really great writer. You need to do a book. I know alot of people who would buy it, and I'm sure there are many more out there. I know you might not have that much free time on you're hand's, but at least try.
Posted by: SpiderWebb | July 8, 2002 08:58 PM
Her name was Aunt Anna, she was Uncle Dick's aunt and she was about 100 years old when you almost set her on fire. I was there, but never knew the rest of the story til now. Your re-telling was so wonderful, really took us back.
Love, Mom
Posted by: Mom, your mom Really | July 8, 2002 09:57 PM
How lovely that your mom posted! I would buy your book. Email me if and when you decide to publish! Your site is one of the ones I check daily and I enjoy the good AND bad times in your life that you choose to share with us. Nolan and Ryan have a great stepdad. Oh, and my oldest is named Anna in memory of her grandmom (my mom)!
Posted by: kazfeist | July 8, 2002 10:27 PM
Dake, you will burn in hell!!
Posted by: god | July 8, 2002 11:26 PM
GOD ROCKS.
Posted by: julie | July 8, 2002 11:29 PM
My level of respect for the Wheaton family keeps growing with every passing day... I can't believe your mom posted here.
YOUR FREAKING MOM, MAN!
That is about the coolest thing I've ever seen. My mom has NEVER posted on my site. (But considering all the bitching I do about her, that's probably a good thing.)
Anyway, I just had to say it... Cool, man... And classy...
To the Uber-mom, come back any time. I think I love you!
(Now, how long til Anne posts?)
Posted by: I Am Steve | July 9, 2002 12:22 AM
To Wil's mom,
You have a great son and deserve to be proud of who you brought up. Through his site he brings a lot insight from the boy he was to the man he is.
Uncle Willie ROCKS!!!!!
Posted by: Kordith | July 9, 2002 03:03 AM
I've just read it again. I wish I could write that well. *green with envy*
Hi, Wil's mom. Well done for helping the kid star grow up into a normal guy. Not many do :)
Posted by: NickW | July 9, 2002 03:30 AM
This is hilarious. Have you considered submitting this tale of woe to Pathetic Geek Stories?
http://people.advanced.org/~ben/geek/pgs3107.html
Posted by: ratbastard | July 9, 2002 07:04 AM
Once again, the world is right again..
The planets continue they're dance, birds and bees are bumpin' uglies, and Wil is back from holiday.
Glad you made it home safely Sir, you were indeed missed :>)
-Cheers
-A33
Posted by: Algernon33 | July 9, 2002 07:54 AM
your MOM????
Posted by: bluecat/redblanket | July 9, 2002 08:13 AM
'Petulant teenage years': "Journey's end" was on TV just now, and I watched it specially to see Uncle Willie. Glad you've always had a healthy disdain for rules and regulations in real life too...
Posted by: NickW | July 9, 2002 09:03 AM
Aww. It's okay. You'll get to put on a grand display for your boys next year. I'd probably burn my hand off trying to light those things.
The most important thing is that you were able to spend it with family.
Posted by: Anne | July 9, 2002 11:09 AM
Dude, your mom reads the site and you've got porn links. Balls, baby. Big, giant cajones.
Posted by: Geoff | July 9, 2002 11:45 AM
Did you ever stop to think that maybe that ground flower ended up under your great aunt's chair for a reason? Maybe God was trying to send her one last warning before she was cast into eternal hellfire for her failure to repent upon bended knee before the might and mercy of the vengeful and also loving but also abusive and cruel Jesus H. Christ.
Who is to say that even now your great aunt doesn't look down from her chrome-plated mansion in Level One Heaven upon young TVsWW and thank the good Lord for that taste of hellfire and perdition which licked up her bony legs that one fateful day when out behind the toolshed and just thirteen feet from the tainted potato salad that would send her on to eternity some three days later, she bent down amongst the assorted jarts and popsicle sticks to accept the tender embrace of Christ.
You saved that woman, TVsWW.
As you save us all.
Each and every day of your precious, precious life.
Glory.
GLORY!
Posted by: Spudnuts | July 9, 2002 11:50 AM
How many aunts did Roxanne Dawson save from hell?
Answer: not one.
Posted by: Spudnuts | July 9, 2002 11:52 AM
Go easy on the pop-tarts Spud!
Posted by: bluecat/redblanket | July 9, 2002 01:14 PM
????????????????
Whats with all the God referances? Whats going on?
Why are we here? Whats the meaning of Life? (42)
No really, whats with the God conversation?
And just what IS the question to life the universe and everything?
Posted by: fluffy | July 9, 2002 04:15 PM
fluffy:
A troll claiming to be Mr. Almighty was being an ass above.
Spudnuts:
I heard Robert Picardo saved someone's aunt.
So when's the threeway?
Posted by: KJB | July 9, 2002 04:33 PM
Sorry to say it, Wil, but I'm growing a little tired of YOUR well-versed versions of your escapades. Bring on the MOM!!! I want all the details of Wil's childhood. From the day he came home crying that he wasn't castin the role of a young Klingon boy named Worf, to the time you caught him in the bathroom "reading" his copy of Tiger Beat with creases on the pages highlighting Debbie Gibson and Alyssa Milano.
I want all the dirt.
WE want all the dirt.
Wil, the best thing you could do would be to host the special guest writings of Ma Wheaton. Or hell, get her a website of her own. The fans demand it.
UNITE! And welcome the dawning of the age of Ma Wheaton!
UNITE! And salute the woman who gave Wil life!
UNITE! And give this woman her own voice!
UNITE! UNITE! UNITE!
Posted by: I Am Steve | July 9, 2002 06:11 PM
wil, do you really read these messages??
are you really out there?
this is an interesting gig
you've got going here --
let me know if you ever get this :)
kaye
Posted by: kaye | July 9, 2002 06:28 PM
Lovely. You have a great site, Wil, and it does you great credit. Greetings from Topeka; sorry I never got the opportunity to meet you while you were here. I always wondered what you thought of your time here.
Posted by: lee | July 9, 2002 08:02 PM
kaye, your an idiot. stay off my website.
Posted by: wil | July 9, 2002 09:40 PM
Sigh. Please note that the comment from "wil" directly above is actually from "smith@msn.com," and not from Unca Willy himself. Kaye, you're welcome here; don't let some loser chase you off.
Posted by: Andrew | July 9, 2002 10:52 PM
Besides that, I doubt the REAL Wil would mix up "your" with "you're".
Posted by: synix | July 9, 2002 11:12 PM
sigh.
sorry about the trolls, folks. I'm hoping that a newer release of MT allows the reserving of names, so jackasses like this "smith@msn.com" don't have a chance to show us all how small their peckers are.
Posted by: wil | July 10, 2002 02:28 PM
Ummm, does that mean that if we've already posted here, or on your bulletin board, we won't have to re-register? I'm still a newbie at this, or, as another board which I read would describe me, a "luser".
Posted by: kazfeist | July 10, 2002 03:53 PM
Wil, Wil, Wil... when am I going to see your book on a big glossy display at the local bookshop? With writing like this, you need to be in print... you know, the dead-trees-bound-in-dead-cowhide kind of print.
I'd reserve my copy now, title and content unseen...
Posted by: Elke Tanzer | July 10, 2002 07:29 PM
*sigh*
That was just beautiful. I watched my youngest brother this 4th playing with fireworks that was more than illegal here in New York State and I thought to myself "This is more than worth it, even if I do get a summons or two."
There is nothing like spending time with your family.
Posted by: sol | July 12, 2002 08:43 AM
Excellent writing Wil!! Reminds me a bit of the John Steinbeck school of writing. You should really check out "Travels with Charley" by him.
Though, by the way you write you probably already have. Excellent narrative.
Posted by: Greg | July 12, 2002 10:35 AM
Great story "monkeyboy". I've never had any sort of interest in fireworks, but your story was quite captivating and had me the whole time.
sunshine to you!
Posted by: Brucey | July 12, 2002 10:36 AM
great entry. i tend to lose interest in long entries, but this one was extremely well written. thanks.
Posted by: near-sighted | July 13, 2002 07:29 PM
Hey, Wil. Reminds me of the other night. July 1st. Yeh, Canada-der Eh! We had a nice fireworks display in our town. It was over the lake and from all the rumbling and bangs my daughter was woken up by it. She is three. We could see the display from our window, and it was pretty neat. She was so thrilled to be held by daddy and able to look out the widow at all the explosions and lights. I felt really good about sharing the experience with my little one. It was her first fireworks dislplay. Man, you can't put times like that into words. There is just something so primal about explosions and lights in the sky, or under lawn chairs.
And Wil, still the best site around!
Later.
Posted by: Nyarl | July 13, 2002 08:12 PM
wil: great story!...you made me feel like i was there...it's so familiar...it feels like deja-vu...adults can be so cruel!...d.burr
Posted by: d. burr | July 14, 2002 05:19 PM
damn, I just realized ive been watching this site for about a year now..
Posted by: VT Squire | March 16, 2003 03:46 PM
Yeah, I caught a witch-whistler in the ribs in the eighth grade. It was one of those 24 packs of witch-whistlers that looked like it should have been mounted on the side of a helicopter in a Rambo movie. Anyway, the advantage of the multi-pack was that instead of one completely random flying piece of flaming bullet-shaped plastic emitting a banshee's scream, there are 24 of them. The odds were not in my favor. Goddamn thing burned me through my shirt.
In college a bottle rocket slid right under my sitting ass during some indoor fireworks experiments involving a long hall and a video camera borrowed from the Behavior Science lab. Long story, but we had some cool footage when all was said and done. Anyway, I managed to defy physics and launch myself into the air using only my buttcheeks before it popped.
By the way, I've spend the better part of my life beating myself up for stupid shit I've said and done in the past. I wish I could turn that off. Especially when I'm trying to go to sleep.
Posted by: Austin | March 16, 2003 04:02 PM
Hi Wil,
Came across this post on lighting the Fireworks via your slashdot Q&A and I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed it. And I'm glad to hear that you're planning to inflict pyrotechnics-related trauma on your step kids :)
Ben
Posted by: Ben | June 28, 2005 11:31 PM