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who do you want to be?


It must be 5:30, because Ferris is hitting my leg, and wagging her tail like crazy. I stop typing and look down at her.

"What?"

Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag.

"Is it time to . . ."

She hits me with her paw. Her eyes are wide. Wag, wag, wag, wag.

"Are you ready for . . ."

Riley races into the room, and jumps up. She lands with both paws on my lap. Ferris growls at her to get down.

"Thank you, Ferris."

Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag, wag, wag.

"Are you girls hungry? Are you ready for dinner?"

I said the magic word. Both dogs explode ahead of me, and tear across the living room. By the time they make it to the kitchen, Riley is running so fast she can't stop on the smooth floor and crashes into the wall. Ferris stops right next to her dish.

"What's that, Ferris?"

She looks at her dish, then at me. Riley picks herself up off the floor and stands next to me.

"Ferris? What do you want?"

I absolutely love this nightly ritual. I love the way Ferris finds me at about five o'clock, and reminds me, in her little (maybe not so little, at 72 pounds) dog way that it's almost time to eat. I love asking her questions, and watching her grow increasingly excited when I say words she recognizes, like "hungry" and "five thirty" and

"Do you want your dinner?"

She is wagging her tail so hard now, her hips are rocking her whole body back and forth. She kicks her dish halfway across the floor. Riley barks at me.

"Okay! Okay!"

I pick up their dishes, and dump in their food.

My cell phone plays "Ode to Joy," and I remember that I wanted to pay 1.99 for a cool ring tone.

I flip it open, and try not to notice the obvious relation to an Original Series communicator.

"Hello?"

"Hey Wil, it's Jed and John from VH-1." They're on speaker phone.

My heart leaps. I've been waiting for this phone call.

"Oh, hi, Jed. What's up?" I'm pretty sure I've successfully played the first line cool.

"Do you have a moment to talk?"

Do I?!

"Sure. I'm just feeding my dogs. Hold on."

"Ferris, sit."

She does.

"Stay."

She does.

I put her bowl on the floor. She obediently waits.

"Okay!"

Ferris attacks her Nutro the way I attacked that Mean Gene burger on the weekend.

"Just a second, Jed."

"Okay," he says.

"Riley, sit."

She looks at me and wags her tail.

"Riley. Sit!"

"Woah, you really are feeding your dogs!" he says.

I chuckle. "Did you think it was a euphemism?"

"Yeah, but I'm not saying what for."

Riley sits, and I tell her to stay.

Ferris stops eating, like she does every night, and cocks an ear back toward us.

"Okay, Riley!"

Riley cocks her head to the side and barks at me.

"Riley, Okay!" I point at her dish, "You can eat now, dumbass!"

Riley looks down at her dish, and begins to eat. Ferris hears her dish scrape on the floor, and she resumes eating, too. It cracks me up that Ferris waits like that each night. I haven't been able to determine if Ferris thinks I'm talking to her when I tell Riley to stay, or if she wants to make sure that she won't be bothered by Riley while she's eating, or what . . . but it's pretty funny to watch her stand there with her mouth in her bowl, as she just listens to us.

"Sorry about that, Jed." I say, and walk out of the room.

"No worries," he says, "how was your trip up North?"

Oh shit. Is he making small talk? Did he call me to tell me that they're excited, or is he making one of those look, I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but we still want to work with you calls that I've gotten so many times before?

"It was tough. Anne's grandmother is in the first stages of Alzheimer's, so she's really forgetful, and so frail the wind could knock her down."

"Oh, Jesus, man, that sucks," says John.

"Yeah," I say, "I'm really glad we got to go visit her, though. I don't think she'll know who we are next time." I say, "but the driving part was really great. Anne and I needed a couple of days to ourselves."

"A couple of days with just the wife is always a good thing." Jed says.

"Yeah," I say. "So what's up?"

"Well, we met with the network people here,"

Time slows to a crawl. The next few words are the ones that count.

"And they want us to go ahead and do a test with you."

I'm pretty sure my heat stops. I sit down on my couch.

"Really?" I say. Though my meeting with them last week went really well, and all signs pointed to this happening, I've been let down so many times before . . . I guess I just expect things to fall apart. I'm genuinely surprised that we're going to be taking the next step.

"Yeah, they love you. When we said your name to them, they went nuts."

I allow myself to feel a bit of excitement. I don't know if they really went nuts or not, but they said yes, and that's what matters.

"So what happens next?" I ask.

"We need to get our budget together, and then we're going to do a test with you. We'll find someone local who could be on the show, and we'll spend a day shooting stuff."

Mother Jesus Balls. I can't believe this!!

I can't contain the excitement any longer and say, "Oh my god, you guys! This is so cool!"

They seem a bit surprised when I unleash my enthusiasm.

"Oh, I'm happy that you're excited, Wil. This is going to be a lot of fun." I don't know who's talking, now. In my defense, my heart had stopped for a moment there.

"We're going to call your manager now, and get all the details worked out, but I just wanted to tell you myself first," Jed says, "I hope that's okay."

"Are you kidding me?! This is great news, you guys, and I'm really glad that you called me."

"Okay. We'll put some stuff together, and talk to you soon."

"Okay! I'll talk to you then."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I close the phone, and don't care if I look like Captain Kirk or not.

Well, I run my hand through my hair, just to be sure.

I let out a loud, "Whooop!!" and jump up off the couch. "Thank you Fark! Thank you WWdN! Thank you! Thank you! Thank yyyooouuuuu!!!!!!!111"

Ferris comes racing into the living room, head cocked, and looks at me.

"Ferris! I'm going to be on VH-1!"

Wag, wag, wag, wag, wag.

Comments

My dog would whimper when I did. I should have named it Santa's Little Helper.

Super-fucking cool!

Congratulations Wil! That rocks muchly!!

oh ya, oops. congrats!

This is the part where I take a moment and thank everyone who sent me good mojo for the meeting, and to everyone at FARK who kept their fingers crossed for me!

Congrats Wil!

Congratulations Wil! I'm very happy for you. You deserve it.

Awesome news, Wil! Congrats to you!

High five!

I really love it when you write anecdotes like that. They're so fun to read. *beams*

Congrats for the VH-1 gig. I really hope it pulls through. Now if only we had VH-1 in Canada. Grr...

Thats great Wil, you deserve it.

So you don't care if you look like Captain Kirk or not? Check out this photo from an online archive of Asimov's work. Apparently WFS recorded an hour of Foundation, and this photo was on the back.

http://www.libraries.wvu.edu/exhibits/asimov/archives/b.htm

Change the hair maybe, but I'd say William has (or had) a little bit of Wil in him.

Forgot to say congrats and good luck.

Wil, that's so wonderful! Congrats and you'll have to send us all the details on the show as you get them!

Awwwriighht Wil!! Congrats man. I hope this show flies! I'm just glad VH-1's choosing to work with you and not that head case Donal Logan. I expect they'll do a feature on him in 20 years when they make "Why did I Love I Love the 80's?"

Allow me to help you celebrate. Shoot me an email and I hook up with some choice Grateful Dead shows like you asked for months ago. I don't know if you ever got any discs or not, since I haven't been in a while. I'm still recovering from the collapse of the Cubs... Stupid Cubs.

HELL FUCKING YEA!!!!!!!!

Woot!!!

Go Wil Go!!!

*SuperHappyNekkidOtterButtDance*

Looking forward turning on VH-1 and seeing your face! Congrats on the gig!

Wow! Giddy as a school girl you are!

As much as you love writing, I think you still love this just as much!

Congrats

Hey Wil,

Well, I've been reading your blog for about a year now and I'm very happy to hear that this might be a perfect opening for you!

I can't wait to see you on the screen again! I've always been a fan of your work ( Starting with Stand by Me and continuing today ).

Just wanted to say congratulations and have fun!

-Matt

Congratulations!

Since it's not an acting gig, should I wish you "good luck" or "break a leg?" Well, whichever is appropriate, consider it wished for the test!

-Matt

NO!! Wil you are much better looking than Capt.
friggin Kirk!!!

Congrats!

Awsome is not good enough. This is FUCKEN awsome. I just may start watching VH1, because my Uncle Willy will be on VH1.

THIS IS SO FUCKEN AWSOME!

FAY!
(That's short for F&*ckin' A)
Best of luck on the test...Be yourself, don't focus on "cool". Let the zen handle the funny for you and kick ass.

*happy dance*

Congratulations Wil. It sounds like the guys are excited about working with you, and on top of that, they seem like really cool guys too!

You more than deserve this and we'll all be eagerly awaiting the first episode of whatever it is!

Congrats, Wil. Can't wait to see you on VH-1!

Congratulations!

Way to go, WIL FUCKEN' AWESOME WHEATON!!!!

Wil!

Wil!

He's our man!

If he can't do it we'll kill ourselves in a huge WWDN FlashMob!!!

Or something...

Many congratulations!!!

Holy Crap! Wil - the face that will sweep the VH1 nation. That rocks! Best of luck on the test!

It's great to hear the good news! Whoo-hoo! Can't wait to see it.

Remember: don't try to do the show you think they want to see. Do the show that _you_ would want to see.

May the luck of the seven pillars of Gulu be with you at all times!

Craig

Great news. :-)

It's Halloween! The subject line *must* be in reference to the famous Oingo Boingo Halloween concert series. I had a bunch of friends over for pizza and beer/cider and the Farewell DVD in honor of the holiday last night.

Congratulations, Wil! VH1 is turning into THE place for pop culture fun, so it's great to see they recognize your status as an icon. *g*

Wil, Congrats on the VH-1 gig. Happy for you man!

And my old chow chow used to do the same thing when I'd come home from school. Wagging his tail like a madman when he saw me walking up the driveway.

Dog's are cool. yeah...anywho...congrats again. :)

The happy dance that is sweeping the nation.

Wow, Wil, that's great! I am looking forward to seeing you again as well as hearing from you!

The thing about your dogs -- you had me in tears, I was laughing so hard! Your description is fabulous, man!

Natalie

That's great news! I'll hoist a glass for you (it'll probably be water or pop, but hey, it's what I've got).

Hey Wil, congrat--

Wait.

Mother Jesus Balls??

WOO! Congrats Will!!
Kick-Ass!

Joy is bubbling in the glasses,
Through the grapes' golden blood

Congratulations man...Im sure you'll kick ass at whatever the job is.

W00t! Congrats!!!

Yippy! Yappy! Yahooooooooey!

(I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's the first thing that popped into my mind!)

Big fat congratulations!

BTW, my dogs don't care about eating that much, but I get similar reactions if I mention the words "wanna go for a walk?"

well well well, i do believe it's time to celebrate..

and the first toast should be to all the good folks here at wwdn, who never, ever doubted that you are, and continue to be one of our generations most talented people..

lots of mojo to ya big guy..

i think i speak for all of us here when i say, HappyNekkidOtterBut dances are happening across the country in celebration of this..

cheers
tyson

Woohoo!!

Congrats, Wil - that truly rocks.

:::happy dance:::

Well, crap. I don't have cable. Cancelled it almost 2 years ago.

:: sigh ::

Now I have to get cable again.

Gee... thanks Wil. I'll have to pay all that money for just one show. Ah well. It'll be worth it. :)

Rock on, Wil! You deserve all the best!

*happy happy dance*

smiles all around

wish I had a television so I could watch you, but then I'd have a television....not going there again

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!

That's great news! Oh man, I wish I had frickin' cable! Maybe this is a good excuse to get it...

Good for you, Wil. You deserve it.

Great news, Wil, you kept plugging away and something came your way. That's great!

Oh, that's excellent! Congrats. (Now is *not* the time to tell you we don't get VH-1 at my house, is it?)

THATS BETTER THAN GREAT NEWS GOOD LUCK MAN YOU DESERVE IT!!!

Woohoo! More Wil - always a good thing! :)

Hey Wil, I'm so happy for you. Congratulations. Hearing how excited you are just made my day a whole lot better. I'll be waiting for the show!

Woah Wil.. You're pretty sure your HEAT stops?? Uh-Oh!! Better get that fixed! It's supposed to be COOOOLLLLDD..;)
Take Care and Congrats with the test! :)
*Melinda G.*

Just Like Somebody On TV

W00T!
Congrats, Wil! *hug*

Wil,
I have to admit, this story brought tears to my eyes. Every time "they" have called you with, "we really like you, but..." all of your fans have felt let down right with you. How incredible it is that there was no "but..." this time! All of us monkeys are so happy for you and so happy for ourselves that we're finally going to see your grown up mug on our television screens! Congratulations! And Happy Halloween. I'm just glad it's Halloween and not April Fool's Day!

God dammit... now i have to get cable...

Yay you, though...

VH1 presents - Wil Wheaton - Behind The Geek

From scrotum sucking leeches, to a lip locking Judd, we will embark on an evolving journey that encompasses the phenomena that is Wil Wheaton.

****

Wow Wil, you've really got a writers knack, I was SO! right there with you :)

glad things are lookin up, and We'll look for you on VH-1!!

W00T!

Congratulations, Wil!
I'll have to find a way to watch the show, even though I live in Canada.
Good luck!! I hope everything works out!

And your dogs are SO COOL! I wish I could keep a dog in my University residence!

Dude!!! I'm so excited I pee'd a little. ;)
Damn I wish I could afford cable so I can check your mug on the tube.
I'm really really happy for you!

Wag wag wag!!!!!!

Hey Wil,

That's awesome, man! w00t! Congratulations!

Way to go dude! Congrats! That Hella-rocks!

Cool. Congrats, Wil!

Awesome possum - congrats! Woooo!

wil my heart was actually racing as i read your post, fucking A bro, congrats about fucking time someone realized you have a truck load of potential in more than one arena and that you don't have a gazillion readers hooked on your blogging just because your can write but because your a cool guy, i very happy for you man,
take care and all the best Luis

Too fucking cool. Congratulations Will, I hope everything works out in abundance! I will be watching.

WIL WHEATON'S GOING TO BE ON TV AGAIN!!!!!!! Yay! Congrats Wil, we were all out here supporting you! So glad you got to the next step!

Think I'll change my costume plans ...

Old and Busted: Grim Reaper
New Hotness: Wil Wheaton

Congrats! Can't wait for the show!

Well, as TV's Wil Wheaton once said...

congrats, wil!

Congrats, Wil!!

I just scared my dogs when I screamed HUZZAH!

Congrats Wil! I'm so happy for you!


-MKF

Congrats!

Good job, Wil! Carry on my wayward son.

Dude, that's sweet.

Wow, Wil that's fantastic news! I'm grinning like a mad thing in sympathy with you. You write it up so well your enthusiasm just shines through like a light through a vacuum.

Which reminds me, I should buy Dancing Barefoot.

Shweet, Wil, that's Shweet.

yeah.

Let's hope it's contagious.

-- draken.

Freaking fabulous!!

Oh, and, note to Wil: wear the shirt.

I had two cats who had a lightly weird thing at special empty tuna can mealtimes. Cocoa (Siamese female) would start licking the can and then Mo (White Longhair male) would show up and butt Cocoa's head out of the can and start eating and Cocoa (larger and older) would just let him and look up at mom like she is saying, "Mommy, make him stop it." It was so cute and frustrating at the same time. So eventually mom started pouring out the tuna juice into separate bowls.

God, I hope the VH-1 thing turns into a good and regular TV series for you. Ever since I moved in August I stopped getting TechTV and thank goodness VH-1's on basic cable. I'm looking forward to seeing you there, Wil. BTW- I liked that PAX movie with you and Isaac Hayes.

OMG, Wil!! That's so cool!!! It'll be great to see you on TV again. I loved that TV movie, you did. I think it was called "The Book Of Days", or something like that, which came out on TV earlier this year. Can't wait to see you on TV again!!!! :-D

Very cool, Wil, Way to go. We'll all be looking forward to seeing you on TV again! :)

all i could think of while i was reading that was Danny Elfman's voice echoing the refrain at the end of that song :)

damn you and your sneaky titles wil.

Congrats, Wil! Keep us posted!

Think you'll be able to bring Ferris and Riley on the show?

"Mother Jesus Balls."

best.
exclamation.
ever.

Congrats, Wil. You'll have to think up a Carol Burnett ear-tug type nervous twitch to communicate with your posse. :)

That's really awesome that you got the greenlight! Congratulations. You'll be awesome! :)

wheaton on weekly tv again. all is good in the world.

Way. To. Go. Congrats, Wil! You deserve it.(And I have to add a "whoo-hoo!" here as well.) V. exciting news.

nice job Wil, congrats on the show, and keep up the blog. Between you and Fark, I may actually continue using the Internet for a few more years before it becomes entirely over-bloated. Now if you and VH-1 can convince me to not throw out my television, I may actually start watching those TNG reruns with my wife again.... :)

Good Job Wil.

I knew someone would recognize your ability and scoop you up.

Namaste,
Beau

Terrific visual way to write about THE PHONE CALL. Felt like I was there. Congratu-freakin-lations!

By the blood of KayLess that is freaking awesome!!!

/bows head in shame

Hey Wil- Just make sure they don't ask you to reverse the polarity of anything. Look at how much bad P.R. it caused in the LAST show you were on.

Congrats man!

This is great. I really enjoyed your co-host gig on the screen savers and I think you'll be great on VH-1

Congratulations man! Its great that you're excited, best of luck!

Congrats! You deserve it. Mother Jesus Balls indeed.

Now we can all say we knew you when. Oh wait...we do that already. Uh, nevermind then.

Congrats Wil! Make us proud.

um, didn't you used to be an actor or something?

Congratulations Wil, you'll be much better than some of the no talent ass-clowns that are out there now.

That's AWESOME, Aqua-lad!

Who is wil wheaton?

Awesome Wil. Great job!

I was going to be a Gothic Princess, but I couldn't find my tiara, so I'm being a cat instead! :)

Soopa-cool! Congrats! I hope it goes beyond the test phase!
(btw, loved that uppercut you gave Barney @ the DNA a year ago.)

I'm also glad VH-1's on basic cable, because that mean Wil can't, and won't, be showing his Mother Jesus Balls for all to see. I think we're all pretty happy about that. Well, I can't speak for everyone...

Congrats man! If I had cable I'd definitely watch. I'll get someone to tape it fer sure

Very cool...been reading you via Fark for a while, so this is quite cool!

(Even better that one of your dogs is named Ferris -- That was my sheltie's name!!)

Awesome!

people watch VH-1?

i mean, congratulations..

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, Wil. Now do your best to make sure the show don't suck! :)

Regular reader, first time to comment:

WAY TO GO!

Major Fucking Congrats to you, Wil! I'm sad I can no longer afford cable. Good luck with this going forward.

Good job Wil!

I am glad you are moving up! Much deserved! Perhaps some more TechTV work too? YOu were a great replacement host the other week.

HipOldGuy

Good Job Wil!

I need a donut and a cup of coffee, Make It So!

Congrats on the VH-1 gig, Wil!

Great dogs. Do they react the same way for the magic word "walk" too?

Kickass, man. Congrats. I hope it works out for ya.

Congrats! Unfortunately, up here in Canada, we probably won't get to see you until MuchMoreMusic shows reruns in 3-4 years.
Nevertheless, all the best. Have faith in yourself. As Ziggy Marley says at the beginning of one of my daughter's favourite tv shows, "Believe in yourself, that's the place to start!"
Good luck!

That's so exciting! Oh, yay!

I just might start watching VH1 again. I can't wait!

Many congrats. Not sure if I'm still on your sh*t-list because of SAG politics, but I am a dedicated Fark fan and pop in here now and again to see how you're making out.

So happy for you on the VH-1 thing. Go get 'em. ;-)

Best,

Lisa L

Holy crap for crap! A Mean Gene burger joint? I haven't seen one of those since I was in the Navy. They had one on the base in Groton. I don't know if it was as good as a Big Kahuna burger, but I must say, it was a tasty burger!

Oh yeah, and congrats on the VH1 gig. Here's hoping that your luck continues when it comes to actually getting it on the air at a decent time.

Fuckin'-A-Right!

That rawks!

*does happy dance*

Congrats, Wil!

Hey, Wil, that's great. Congratulations! Now, to go off on a depressing topic, have they tried Aricept with Anne's grandmother? My Dad is on it and it seems to help him hold his own. Congrats again and let us know when we can see the show.

Congratulations, Wil!!!

*SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE*

Congradulations! THats awesome!

Way to go, Wil. I'll take this as an omen that my agent (who so far has done diddly) will actually line me up with my first VO job next week! GcB

Hey are they still hiring?


Just kidding. Congratulations.

I think i speak for all the Canadian WWDN'rs when I say " Fuckin Eh! "

The show will be a success JUST from the Farkers and WilWheaton's Blog Posse alone!

Wil Wheaton = 200,000 or more extra viewers to any program he's a part of. ;-)

It's good to hear that somebody deserving of good news actually gets some.

Congratulations!

WAY TO GO HMIC!!!

Go Wil! Kudos and Congrats on the VH1 show. It'll be good to see you back on TV.

And something to think about: You have a sizable viewership to offer the VH1 suits. How many of us in this comment thread alone will be watching? Probably a good number. And that's just a sample, really, since you're getting nods at Fark as well.

Run with it, Wil. Run and run fast. "Has Been" is only a state of mind...

Good job!

Ahhh, man, now I have to start watching VH-1. Oh-well, it's probably for the best anyways.

Congratulations Wil, I'm thrilled for you!!!

Congratulations, Wil! (Or should that be wag, wag, wag?)

great news! hope it all goes well!

/a dedicated farker...

Your heat stopped??!?! YOU MUST BE FREEZING! I'd sit on the couch too.. :)

Congratulations and Mother jesus balls? Wouldn't have been my first choice but..just the same.

Just remember to share the wealth...you gotta interview every person from Fark on the show...
heh

Congrads mate. Best of luck and may it finally be the evasive launchpad.

worst case senario of course however, lets hope it doesn't flop before you get to steal some stuff from the dressing rooms ;)

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "You da man!" Yout deserve all of this and more! Way to go Wil!!!!

Kick ass. Way to go Wil!

My dog knows when it's 5:30, which is dog park time, and reminds me by whuffing gently on whatever body part is within reach. She doesn't poke or bark, she just gets about a millimeter from my skin and exhales at me through her nose.

Of course, when the time changed last weekend, she whuffed at me at 4:30. She doesn't quite get the idea of daylight savings time.

And congratulations. Have fun. :)

Good on ya Will!

My ringtone is Ode to Joy.

I, I, I thought I was cool...

Cool, VH-1, might even get to see ya here in the UK.
We have a similar routine with our dog, he comes up and lays his head on your lap at dinner time. The magic words cause mayhem as he races to the kitchen, through whatever is in the way be it a person, laundry or the piece of work you've just spent 2 hours laying out nea