a moon full of stars and astral cars
I made some more progress on the rewrite today. It's not as much as I'd hoped for, but I've got a lot of plates spinning, and this juggling bear keeps dropping his balls.
Stupid bear.
I did some searching of that knot, and explored the strange ambivalence I had when Jonathan asked me about my sketch comedy. Here's the 1.7a version of that stuff:
"How did it go?""I took my sketch group out there and we did a show. It was really fun."
"Oh! I heard about that. I hear you're really funny."
"Yeah, I try to entertain the kids." I said. The knot nearly tightened so violently in my chest, it felt like a heart attack. I felt intensely uncomfortable and embarrassed. The feeling surprised me; here was the one thing that I'd been doing, and doing well, I was very proud of my sketch work, yet I didn't want to talk about it.
"I may be funny in some sketch comedy shows that hardly anyone ever sees," I thought, "but I'm struggling to pay my bills, I can't get hired for anything in Hollywood, and all of you guys have gone on to be rich and famous. I may be funny, but I sure fucked up the biggest opportunity of my career when I quit 'Star Trek.'"
I shoved several carrots in my mouth and I changed the subject.
"Have you been watching TNG on TNN?"
"Yeah," he said, "It's amazing how those old shows hold up."
"Except Angel One," I said.
"And Code of Honor," he said.
"No vaccine!" we said in unison, quoting one of the actors in that show and laughed. The knot loosened.
"It's so weird for me to watch them," I said, "because I was so young. It's like my high school yearbook has come to life."
"That's because you"ve actually grown up since then," he said, "the rest of us have just gotten fatter."
"Don't let Marina hear you say that," I said.
He thought for a moment, and added, "Okay, all of us except Marina."
He winked. I smiled. The knot untied itself.
It's not quite there, but it's better. Writing about it also forced me to open some doors that I'd rather leave closed: I quit Star Trek to do other things in my career, but ended up doing other things in my life. I can't say I regret that, because my life is really quite good. My career is in the shitter, but I'm not my career.
Yeah, right.
I keep telling myself that, but I still don't fully believe it. I often feel like I had so much promise in my career (life) but I squandered it. I suppose the good side of that is I managed to blow most of my chances because I was young and immature, unlike most of my peers who blew their chances (lives) with drug abuse. That's all well and good, but it's cold comfort when I miss out on yet another fantastic acting opportunity, or when my agents dropped me earlier this year. Of course, with the notable exception of Patrick, the rest of the cast hasn't exactly used Star Trek as a massive launching point for their acting careers, either. I suppose they don't need to, and I'm sure they're all content wherever they are in their lives (careers) . . . but I wonder if they ever feel like they missed any opportunities . . .
Woah. Got a little off-topic there. Sorry about that.
I spent some time today working on more of the story. I didn't get very far, but I'm fairly happy with what I accomplished:
"Did you get the latest draft of the script?" Jonathan said to Brent."Oh my god, they're talking about Nemesis!" My inner fanboy said.
'shut up!" I said, "You're not a fanboy here. You're a peer. Be cool."
I took my own advice and stood there, silent, and listened to them talk about the movie. Production hadn't started yet, but I could tell that they were excited about putting on their uniforms and getting back into character.
While they talked, I felt like a grounded kid, sitting at the living room window, watching his friends play kickball in the street.
"They want to make some substantial changes to the wedding," Brent said.
"I like it the way it is," Jonathan said.
"Well, I'm talking with Stuart and Logan about it," Brent said, "We'll see what happens."
"Is this really the last one?" I asked, in spite of myself.
"Yeah," Brent said.
"I think so," Jonathan said.
Illusions of returning to the bridge of the Enterprise, awoken just a month earlier on Star Trek: The Experience, quickly faded. In the hallway, the elevator bell rang again.
"That's really sad," I said, "It's like the end of an era."
"For all of us," I thought.
"We've done it for so long," Brent said, "I think it's time for me to do something new. I'm getting too old to play Data."
"I'm the only one who's changed. They've just gotten older." Jonathan's words echoed in my mind.
A deep, commanding voice bounced off the marble floor of the hallway, and filled the room before its creator crossed the threshold.
"Are there Star Trek people in this room?" it boomed, "I just love those Star Trek people!"
We all turned to the door, as Patrick Stewart walked in.
Patrick is one of the most disarming people I've ever met. If you only know him as Captain Picard, or Professor Xavier, his mirthful exuberance is shocking. Patrick is one of the most professional and talented actors I've ever known, but he's also one of the most fun.
"Bob Goulet" I haven't seen you in ages, man! You look great!" he said to Brent, and hugged him.
"Jonathan Frakes! I am a big fan," he smiled at Jonny and hugged him to.
He turned to me. "Who are you? You look familiar, but . . . I can't place you."
"Wil Wheaton, Mr. Stewart," I said.
He looked thoughtful for a moment and shook his head. "I'm sorry, but it doesn't ring a bell."
"I was Wesley on Next Generation," I said.
"Get out! You were never that young!" he said. "Do you know how old that makes me?"
"I do, sir," I replied, solemnly, "I believe we spent some time in a shuttlecraft together."
He nodded slowly, but remained unconvinced. "Go on . . ."
"That's all I've got, man," I laughed.
Patrick smiled broadly and said, "Wil, darling, you look wonderful." He held his arms wide, and pulled me into a warm embrace. "I am so happy to see you!"
"You too," I said.
He held me at arm's length, and looked at me. Even though Patrick and I are the same height, I felt, like always, that he towered above me.
"I like that shirt, Wil. It's very cool."
He looked at Jonathan, then at Brent. We all wore black shirts. Brent and Jonathan wore black pants. Patrick wore a blue shirt and khaki pants.
"I guess I didn't get the memo about wardrobe," he said.
"It's okay," I said, "I don't think anyone will notice."
"Gentlemen, we're ready for you downstairs," one of the convention volunteers said from the doorway.
I felt a surge of adrenaline as we walked to the elevator.
I've noticed that almost everything I write lately comes out with great ease. I don't have to search a lot of for words and feelings, and I spend considerably less time staring out the window at the Big Tree looking for them, like I did with Dancing Barefoot.
Something strikes me, as I recall these moments: the joy. I felt so much pure, unspoiled joy when I was around those guys, it was like being wired to a droud. I used to miss the chances at fame and fortune that were a consequence of my departure from Star Trek. Now, however, I just miss the joy that I should have embraced when I was there.
Comments
You know what you guys could do?
Wesley can be the captain of some ship, and good ol' Jean-Luc could be the Admiral on some other ship, and so on and so forth, and something happens, and all the ships of the senior crew come together and BAM!
Whoa there.
Now I sound like Emeril.
Guess we'll have to leave it to the DVD's to remember when way back in the day little Wesley was still pissing the captain off.
Loved the post!
Posted by: Connie | November 24, 2003 05:02 PM
Man, that is some good stuff!
Posted by: travis | November 24, 2003 05:03 PM
Hey Wil!
Great job! I really enjoy reading these posts.. in fact your website is not my homepage.. thanks man!
-Zack Shutt
Posted by: Zack Shutt | November 24, 2003 05:15 PM
Think about all the things you were trying to do with your career:
a) Transition from a television actor to a movie actor
b) Transition from a child actor to an adult actor
If think about actors who have successfully done one of those, I can count them on one hand. If I think about actors who have successfully done both, I'm hard pressed to think of one.
I know you don't want to make excuses, but try to keep things in perspective. And, besides, your career isn't over. How hold are you? 31? 32? It's not like you're on your death bed over here. It must be weird having had such success at such an early age, but keep in mind that many people aren't where they want to be with their career at your age. So just keep going, keep plugging, and things will happen.
Posted by: Jane | November 24, 2003 05:16 PM
Sorry about the earlier post, i meant to put your website is "NOW" my homepage. SoRrY man
tahnks fro evtyhing!
Posted by: Zack Shutt | November 24, 2003 05:17 PM
Thank you for your kind comments, you guys. And don't worry, Zack . . . I make the "not / now" typo all the freakin' time. :)
Posted by: wil | November 24, 2003 05:20 PM
You mentioned David Sedaris recently, and I feel the same writing talent pouring off you in waves, young Wil...
Why not submit this rewriting session, read by you, as a segment on "This American Life" ?
(ThisLife.Org)
It seems very much in the same spirit as my favorite NPR program.
As a fellow writer, I only hope to be as expressive and evocative in my work as are you.
(Long-time reader)
C.J. Davez
Posted by: C. J. Davez | November 24, 2003 05:20 PM
Reading great Wil. I've loved your latest entries. I think the "Yeah, I try to entertain the kids." paragraph could lose the "I was very proud of my sketch work" bit. I think that's how you had it before?
Looking forward to the next edition of DB. I couldn't get my hands on the first one, but I'll sure as hell get a copy of this. Great work!
Posted by: sergio | November 24, 2003 05:22 PM
Excellent entry! When I first heard of your site I figured it would be lame. Boy, was I wrong. It's one of my favorites. You're a great communicator, Wil. (I have to confess, though, your website is *not* my homepage. sorry...)
Posted by: denise | November 24, 2003 05:23 PM
Wil, I enjoy your comments on what you're writing as much as the actual writing. If that's what you think, maybe you should try to find a way to integrate it into the final draft. Just my initial response, though, that might sound like a really lame idea in about 3 hours.
Posted by: sally | November 24, 2003 05:33 PM
"Now, however, I just miss the joy that I should have embraced when I was there."
You're getting all profound again, and it's awesome.
Carpe Diem is a pretty universal truth, and so is a tinge of regret for every path we chose not to take, even when we remember to enjoy the path we're on.
Rock on, Wil.
Posted by: Adele | November 24, 2003 05:33 PM
When do you get to the part where you were hanging out with Harrison Ford and Dave Powers in the Millenium Falcon?
Seriously.
Mark Hamil, you are my all time favorite actor and I'm so happy I've found your website!
Posted by: Russ | November 24, 2003 05:35 PM
Mang, that was some heartfelt shit. You should be concentrating on your second career, as a writer.
Ever thought about writing a bio about Back in the Day?
Or, writing a bio, but mixing it in with elements of today's life as a writer, as per your blog? Might be a bit like Adaptation, the film, as you could have a well-written straight biography mixed in with your current life as a writer,and even a third string of elements from a new screenplay or set of short stories you are working on.
If it was well executed, it might allow you to demonstrate skills as a writer, embrace and explore your old carreer path and get some credit for both.
Just a thought from another writer dreaming of making a living by the keyboard.
Posted by: Mingus | November 24, 2003 05:38 PM
You frickin' troll, Russ, whoever you are.
GET OFF HERVE VILLECHAIZE'S SITE!!!
"Mark Hamil" indeed.
Don't listen to him, Herve.
Posted by: MV | November 24, 2003 05:39 PM
I'm loving it, Wil, but one thing...
carreer?
Posted by: Molly | November 24, 2003 05:39 PM
Hmmm, I don't know, I think there's lots of roles out there for you. It would be amusing to see you play Jack O'Neil's "unknown" son on SG-1, and play it as an anti-Wesley much as he plays it as an anti-McGyver.
Posted by: synchronicity | November 24, 2003 05:40 PM
DOH.
"carreer" is the misspelling that's sweeping the nation. It's probably in my top 3 misspelled words.
Posted by: wil | November 24, 2003 05:44 PM
Hey wil, that is some great writing! it just keeps getting better and better! Keep up the great work, dude!! I can't wait for the finished product!! (seriously!!!)
Posted by: rach | November 24, 2003 05:45 PM
MV...
I'll always love you.
You are teh hot xmas babe.
With love,
Simon LeBon
Posted by: Russ | November 24, 2003 05:46 PM
Wil,
I've been a WWDN fan for only a short while...I discovered your site through my own blogging adventures (brand new to it as well) and decided to check you out. I heard a radio interview you did on 100.5 The ZOne (in Sacramento) when you were talking about the last TNG movie, and thought to myself: "Man, this guy is actually hilarious!" After that I kept my eyes and ears open for anything you were involved with...so, when I found your blog and continued to be impressed with Wil Wheaton as a person and not some actor who could care less about the rest of the world, I was really excited. I've linked you to my blog (hope you don't mind)...anyway--sorry 'bout getting off track here. I wrote to say this:
A few weeks ago you wrote something (forgive me is I mis-quote) about how most actors as children watched a lot of TV, and most writers read a lot... well, honestly doll, I think you're a great actor..but an awesome writer! kudos man, kudos.
~~g
Posted by: gina rodriguez | November 24, 2003 05:47 PM
Russ:
Thank you.
Enjoy your new carrrrrrreeeeeerrrr.
MV
Posted by: MV | November 24, 2003 05:55 PM
I think the most striking thing about your writing is how much it makes the reader feel like a companion or friend. Reading these rewrites you've been doing, and your website as a whole, it honestly seems like you could be a friend of mine, a guy I know. It's so down-to-earth and honest, without crossing the threshold into being overwhelmingly casual and becoming awkward or boring. Your writing ability is really above and beyond. I'll wake up early just to go out and buy "Just A Geek" when it first comes out.. and that's coming from a non-literary seventeen year-old. Take it as a big compliment.
Posted by: Anders Imboden | November 24, 2003 05:57 PM
wil...
your career is renaissancing -reinventing itself- right now (in case you haven't noticed....*grin*) you're discovering all kinds of cool jazz about life. and dangit, you might not have a-list hollywood prestige like .005% of the world, but you have a MASSIVE - growing- fan base (in case you haven't noticed!) and a different, equally astonishing kind of celebrity power. you have a distinct voice, wil, and you've made amazing things happen. you've put the star power you do have to excellent use, and those of us who love you have faith you'll continue to.
and that's Important.......so don't beat yourself up about "carreer" crap so much, k? *grin*
---the wheatie sophomore
Posted by: liz | November 24, 2003 05:59 PM
Lord preserve me from having to be my career, because then I would actually have to be a File Clerk. In real life I'm a nature photographer and I've done stand up at the Improv and written one act plays. We aren't what we have to do, we are what we want to do. Keep up the good work, you rock.
Posted by: Diana Romaine | November 24, 2003 06:11 PM
Wil, has there really been any movies that you thought to yourself "Wow, it would have been nice to have been a part of that". Movies over the past 10 years or so have really sucked. Keep on keeping on like you are, you're better than the rest of those schmucks.
Posted by: Drew | November 24, 2003 06:12 PM
Dangit! I should have been around months ago. I would have gotten the first edition. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait patiently for the next rewrite.
*nudges Will* Just send my copy on notebook paper with typos, grease stains and all. Really, I don't mind ^_~
Posted by: tiiana | November 24, 2003 06:29 PM
If you'd gone the hollywood route, the world would have missed on a great writer. This was an amazing re-write.
Posted by: kriszia | November 24, 2003 06:50 PM
As always, I was moved to want to tell you how impressed I am by your voice. Thank you for sharing...
Posted by: Crystal | November 24, 2003 06:57 PM
Well I'm glad to see others have beaten me to these same comments but: WHY are you so hard on yourself?! Knock it off!
Your career is far from over, and many begin at your age. Don't worry so much about it. Keep that quick clever mind of yours open and continue to follow your heart. I really don't think its mislead you yet. I've enjoyed your books in the past and am absolutely looking forward to another!
Don't make me sic "Clarence" on you (being the season and all... he's busy! :) )
Posted by: Mary K | November 24, 2003 07:31 PM
I have to say your writing put me in your shoes (I hope they were at least a 10 1/2, or I owe you a pair).
You know you can't worry about "what could have been" (and I'm sure that somewhere in DB you come to that conclusion, I haven't read ver. 1.0 yet). But if you haven't noticed, there are actors who seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth (like Georgia Engle [yeah, painful comparison]) who've seemed to have made a semi-comeback. Maybe there will be a director who remembers that Wil Wheaton didn't only play Wesley. It will happen.
Life isn't the big moments; it's all the shit in-between the big moments that make up life.
Posted by: Brian F. | November 24, 2003 07:35 PM
Okay, okay. I totally did a Dave, and fixed the outrageous number of misspelled "careers."
Color me terribly embarassed.
Just kidding. Embarrassed. I know :)
Posted by: wil | November 24, 2003 07:45 PM
"I often feel like I had so much promise in my career (life) but I squandered it."
How can you say that you've squandered it? You could still be in Star Trek, but then you would be forever typecast as Wesley Crusher -- which is what I thought you had wanted to separate yourself from all along? In fact, now that you have separated yourself from Star Trek, aren't you a cooler person for having done it? You are now Wil Wheaton the writer, not Wesley Crusher, right?? And you would have never known how great of a writer you are if you hadn't turned down the Star Trek opportunity. . .
In other words, don't put yourself down. . . Acknowledge the knot in your chest at the time, but don't let it work its way back. You did good!
Posted by: Emily | November 24, 2003 08:14 PM
Hey there Wil. I've never posted here before but I just wanted to say that I never heard of Patrick Stewart before TNG except for and apearance in one "obscure" movie called Dune and even then I had to go back and check if it was really the same guy. I share your high opinion of him--I think hes stinkin great--but honestly, I never really heard of him before trek. Perhaps that is just due to my ignorance at the ripe ol age of 11 when the series started but you still have a long time before you are even as old as Patrick was when he was in Dune. I think he was already bald then. I know how it goes, I'm 26 and I get to thinking I'm old and sometimes think that the good years are past and reminisce about all the awesome experiences that are behind me and can't be resurrected, but shoot! Theres so much more life ahead. Its not a guaranteed thing but you have lots of talent, heart, and you as previous posters already mentioned, you're a pretty good writer. You drew me into the setting and made me feel what you did. Heh, and you got to act with "Punky Brewster" in a movie. Besides, did you see DS9, or Voyager "engage auto destruct sequence" pc crapola that they made after TNG? You were in the good one. Heh.
Posted by: Mike H | November 24, 2003 08:18 PM
"It's not quite there, but it's better. Writing about it also forced me to open some doors that I'd rather leave closed: I quit Star Trek to do other things in my career, but ended up doing other things in my life. I can't say I regret that, because my life is really quite good. My career is in the shitter, but I'm not my career.
Yeah, right."
You have to look at it this way...
What is your life defined by? Is it by your career, or who you are as a person and the life that you lead?
If it's by your career then we're all pretty much screwed!
-Matt W.
Posted by: Matt W. | November 24, 2003 08:25 PM
Spell checkers will catch "carreer", but it's up to you to nab and nix that "nearly" in the first larger paragraph. I know you dug SK's "On Writing", don't forget what he said about the judicious (read: minimal) usage of adverbs...
/pedant
(Rock on King Willie, and keep it comin')
Posted by: Kenner | November 24, 2003 08:26 PM
Hey, Wil- long-time listener, first-time caller. Two thoughts-
One, if anybody wants to see Patrick Stewart's mirthful exuberance (and other moods as well) they should rent the movie Jeffrey. Two... show business is weird. You know that. Your career could be resurrected on the turn of a dime through no action or fault of yours. Maybe some TNG fan becomes the next Tarentino. Stranger things have happened.
Posted by: TC | November 24, 2003 08:29 PM
This is incredible stuff, Wil. The more you open up with your emotions, the more engaging the stories become. I found your conversation with your son very touching, and the current rewrites getting better with each addition. You're a brave man to display your innermost desires and fears to the public. That's one of the things that makes a great writer and I've thoroughly enjoyed everything I've read on your site. Keep it going.
It seems very difficult to survive in the entertainment industry...emotionally, as well as everything else. I think we're about the same age and I know how much I've struggled with being happy with who I am and what I was doing. As an adult, I've come to terms with not caring what strangers think about me, but I guess you haven't had that luxury since audience opinion means everything to actors. Keep it going. Keep auditioning.
You're an intelligent, resilient, resourceful, and hella-funny guy. Reading your blogs is like having conversations with my friends. You'd fit right in :) Keep the laughter coming and take pride in your wonderful creation here. Thanks for sharing yourself.
Posted by: Lisa | November 24, 2003 08:32 PM
Wil...you just get better and better! Thank you for sharing this process with us.
Rick
Posted by: Rick | November 24, 2003 08:38 PM
I've got to disagree, Wil. You are, in fact, your career. Not your Hollywood career, but yourself. You are your own career. If you subtract Stand By Me, Toy Soldiers, Star Trek, and everything else you've done, you're still your career. It's all right here.
With WWdN, you write about your life. People come here and read about it. In effect, your life has become your career, and we're all your fans. We come here to see what the real Wil is up to, what's got him happy as a clam or lower than Dubya's IQ. We don't come to read about whatever Wesley is reversing the polarity of. We come to see what Wil is thinking, feeling or doing.
I have lots of respect for Frakes, Spiner and Stewart. But, IMHO, you're more rich than they could ever be. You've moved beyond your Hollywood identity and related with your fans in the real world on a whole other level. People will laude Patrick for his work with the RSC, Star Trek, X-Men, and other things he does/has done.
You? You'll be lauded for being you. Not acting, not doing comedy. Just being you. Wil Wheaton, reagular guy who just happened to be in movies and on TV a while back.
Oh yeah. And author of two of the most honest and heartfelt books of the 21st century. Can't forget that. Good stuff, Wil! Keep up the great work.
Posted by: Eric | November 24, 2003 08:40 PM
So, you could be Wil Wheaton, Huge Hollywood Actor, or Wil Wheaton, Mrs. Wheaton's devoted husband and step-father to two boys who love you. Wil Wheaton who shares his everyday life with thousands of loyal readers who care about things like how his lawn is doing and whether he has read / watched / listened to anything cool lately.
Yeah, you're right, you totally blew it.
There, now we're both being silly.
Snap out of it, Wil! We love you just the way you are!
Posted by: Natalie | November 24, 2003 08:49 PM
On past ocassions you've stated that Berman screwed you over one summer so that you couldn't do a movie.......even though they ended up intentionally writing you out of the script of the first episode.
If you had stayed on Trek then you're right, they would have owned you. Self-respect is a very important thing in life.
I hate doing this but it reminds me of the episode where Picard almost dies and Q shows him what his life would have been like had he done things differently. You have no idea what's going to come in life or that you would have even been happy in whatever life you would have had if you had continued in TNG.
From reading your website over the past year it looks to me like you've been focusing on the important things in life more than a "career".
Posted by: HammR | November 24, 2003 08:58 PM
Thanks for the career perspectives, everyone. I really appreciate it. Thanks also for the notes about grammar and spelling and stuff. It will make my editor think I'm smarter than I am (unless he reads this. Dammit!)
You know, when I think about where my life is, and where I am in it, I'm very happy . . . but it would be totally untrue for me to wonder what could have been. It frustrates me to no end that I struggled so long and so hard in Hollywood, and I really do feel like I blew a big chance.
I *am* happy writing, and I *am* proud of what I have been able to do . . . and I just realized that I've been able to take my acting abilities and stuff, and use them to bring characters to life when I write.
Hrm.
That's pretty cool.
Great point about being pwn3d by Paramount, HammR. I tend to forget that.
Posted by: wil | November 24, 2003 09:09 PM
Hey Wil,
I'm relatively new to (sporadically) reading your blog, and it's quite fantastic. You have a wonderful ease with words--and an ability to make the written word sound conversational and very engaging. I'll pick up a copy of the next run of your book, and am looking forward to it...
I read a bit in the comments for your last post about the possibility of an audio book/CD, and I would say go for it. I have two other suggestions:
1. Someone mentioned submitting to This American Life. I would also say, get in touch with your local NPR station, or with their DC headquarters. They solicit interesting commentaries and anecdotes sometimes, and I'm fairly certain they take submissions too. It would rock to hear you do a regular piece on radio. Which sort of segues into my next utterly unsolicited suggestion:
2. Get in touch with the folk at Audible.com and see if they might be interested in carrying some of your stories. I admit, I am not all that familiar with them, but they seem to be very interested in all manners of spoken word material. From what I understand, yours is one of the most popular blogs around, and isn't a built-in audience always a good selling point?
Posted by: Eliana | November 24, 2003 09:14 PM
nice website...i'm also an "actor" here in Brasil (i'm a "child star" in a TV school drama/comedy,called Malhação,even though i'm not a kid anymore,i'm 20 years old now,but i play a 16 years old character)...carry on Wil
sorry for my spelling errors
Posted by: Dude from Brasil | November 24, 2003 09:17 PM
I want, no, I will be a director one day. And when I am, Wil, I will do any and everything that I can to get you into my movies. First, though, I'm going to China for awhile. So... even if it's 10 years until I'm in a position to direct movies, when the time comes, if you're still interested in acting, you're welcome into my films. :)
Posted by: DMH | November 24, 2003 09:23 PM
Cap'n Will:
Arr!
A couple of years ago I looked up a former boss, a guy that had really set my head on straight, and gave me a bright star to steer by. I called him up and I said "thank you for everything you did for me". He almost cried. Nobody had ever told him that he had made a big difference in their lives, and he was very touched that after 15 or so years I cared enough to track him down and tell him.
A recurring theme in a series of books I call The Evil Ones, Chicken Soup for the Soul, is people that don't let others in their lives know how much they mean to you. This story of yours, today, kind of touched that nerve in me. As cliche as it is, have you ever told these guys that they really do mean a lot to you, and they hold a special place in your heart? Maybe you should. Just a thought...
TTFN
Cap'n Andrew
Posted by: Cap'n Andrew | November 24, 2003 09:43 PM
You made me google "droud". Oh, it's a Larry Niven Ringworld reference. Interestingly, Niven says that "droud" was a typographical error he kept making for "crowd". If you ever start writing fiction, Wil, you can start using your typos.
http://www.larryniven.org/stories/words.htm
Posted by: loretta652 | November 24, 2003 09:44 PM
I still find it so ironic, how Wil was in "Stand By Me", and the basic concept was of a grown up Gordie, writing all about the adventure he and some friends had as young boys. Essentially, Wil, your life has almost followed that movie. Here we are, a grown up Wil Wheaton, writing about many adventures he had as a young boy, and even beyond that. A little forshadowing there, no? ;)
As far as your career or whatnot. I don't know how things are for you as far as Hollywood is concerned, but as far as I can tell, you are a hell of a lot better off than you would be if you had stayed in Trek. You may have become a snobbish jerk if you had stayed. Who knows. As it stand, you have more than many people out there, even if you don't make the money that someone such as Patrick makes. It doesn't matter. Money can only buy material things. See, you didn't end up face down in the gutter. You didn't end up locked away in a dank jail cell somewhere. You didn't end up hiding from your problems in some rehab center. You aren't a security guard in Beverly Hills. You aren't in a metal box six feet under a cold, lifeless headstone. And the best part, You are married to a wonderful woman that you love, and who loves you. You have two wonderful stepsons. You have good pets. You have a house, a car, and the ability to write words in a manner that leaves vivid pictures and strong emotions in those who read them. You have lots of friends, and even if you never set foot in front of a camera again for the rest of your life, you have dedicated fans that will always adore you, and even handfulls of asshats that just itch for your attention, even if it is annoying.
Add all that up, and as far as I am concerned Wil, it makes you the richest man in the Alpha Quadrant. Happy Holidays to you, Anne, the boys, and the dogs :)
Frank
Posted by: WebNuT! | November 24, 2003 09:55 PM
Wil,
Wow, you are a real writer. Most writers, write to much. You seem to be a person who loves to talk. Nothing wrong with that but how do you just write, write, write and write so often without a professor telling you that a paper is due? To you it is fun. You are a good story teller, to me. Keep up the good work.
FG
Posted by: Fabian | November 24, 2003 10:00 PM
To further flog the dead equine: you bring a lot of joy to a huge number of people every day with your writing; you are a constant inspiration to two wonderful boys and a loving and devoted husband; a fantastic writer; a complete geek (not easy when the tech changes every nanosecond)..sounds like a full and successful life to me. What might have been will always plague all of us. I might have been Miss Universe if it weren't for the fact I'm short and dumpy and have no talent. Your talent was (and is) recognized both as an actor and a writer. I have to say it takes a lot to make me react when I watch a movie, yet you constantly evoke a full range of emotions when I sit down to read the next entry in the blog. Thank you for not being such a "success" that your talents become buried in that limelight.
Posted by: Kat | November 24, 2003 10:12 PM
Oy vey, so I'm also new to the blogverse, and I've also never posted before, but I quadruple everyone's emotions here - this is captivating stuff, and kinda horribly insightful. Life is all about the choices you make, and some great author dude said that the unexamined life isn't worth living, so . . . yeah, tidy up the end of that in some nice package there. I'm really enjoying every moment that this writing gives me pause and makes me consider my own life in relation to others, and it's a small world after all, blah blah. Thanks for sharin' and barin', Wil. When I go home to Portland this week, I'll drop into Powells and pick up a copy of Dancing Barefoot.
Posted by: Jessa | November 24, 2003 10:24 PM
Oh my god, you have to finish this book soon. I am dying to read it. You posting tid bits on your site can be considered cruel and unusual unsihment, like a carrot onm a stick just out of reach....although I wouldnt consider your wrting a carot as much as I would a nice big juicy steak or something.
I really like this peice you have written. Honestly I liked it alittle better before you changed it. It seemed to flow better and it seemed more natural. With the change it seems like you are tryiong to force it out. But it is still good and I still love to read your stuff.
Posted by: MIchael Clayborn | November 24, 2003 10:34 PM
I don't know about everyone else, but I can't wait to buy JAG... And the prospect of seeing uncle willy on his own TV show...
And while everyones jumping on the bandwagaon, that "you've" could do without the " :)
-------------------v
"That's because you"ve actually grown up since then," he said, "the rest of us have just gotten fatter."
(go go power monkeys)
Posted by: ben | November 24, 2003 10:52 PM
Not sure if this is ground covered before...(is there a way to search for text in old posts and comments?)
William Gibson kept a blog, but, stopped when he started writing his next book. Quoting his final entry:
"I've found blogging to be a low-impact activity, mildly narcotic and mostly quite convivial, but the thing I've most enjoyed about it is how it never fails to underline the fact that if I'm doing this I'm definitely not writing a novel, that is, if I'm still blogging, I'm definitely still on vacation. I've always known, somehow, that it would get in the way of writing fiction, and that I wouldn't want to be trying to do both at once. The image that comes most readily to mind is that of a kettle failing to boil because the lid's been left off."
What do you think? Does blogging help or could it be a slow-leak in the creative center of your brain?
- Mike (in NoHo)
Posted by: Mike | November 24, 2003 11:28 PM
The six websites I check every day, from last to first:
6. www.neopets.com
5. www.joelackerson.com
4. www.larrymarciano.com
3. www.davidpeters.com
2. www.sethsbase.com
and without fail, right after I log on and scan email...
1. www.wilwheaton.net
your recent posts being exemplars of my reasons for checking even if I don't have a "Hey, I've blogged today" note from you in my inbox.
Wil, I'm half again your age and have never come close to being famous with any but my immediate circle of friends--and that's mostly for my killer cheesecake and bodywork talents. And I'm learning that that's okay, because if I'd made different choices, there are a whole bunch of wonderful people I might never have met. People who, just by being there, enrich my soul in ways I can't begin to describe.
One of those people, I've discovered, is you, via your con appearances and writing. No, I'm not sucking up, and I don't worship the ground you walk on--sorry if that disappoints! But as was mentioned in one of the posts earlier today, it's important to tell people these things. I agree that, if you haven't already, you should tell your Trek compatriots how you feel about them.
And you might consider asking them if they feel they've squandered any of their chances. I'm betting you'll get a universal "yes" even from Patrick, because being human, we all think we could have made better choices, that there was one thing back there in the depths of time where if we'd said yes instead of no--or no instead of yes--our lives would now be perfect.
Guess what?
Perfect is having someone in your life you're crazy about, who's just as crazy about you. Perfect is knowing that, even if you don't have that someone, the possibility exists. It's spending your birthday with (a) a friend you met 14 years ago while on jury duty and (b) her husband who you've only met twice but who is so terrific you thank every deity extant that they met. Perfect is a cat trying to crawl under the covers with you on a cold night, a hokey pink birthday candle adorning a scrumptious chocolate mousse, and all those million and one other wonderful things that we tend to forget about when we focus on the past instead of the now.
Right now, Wil, you're a damn fine human being. Permission granted to stop kicking yourself in the tuchus...unless that kick gets you to a keyboard...
Syd
Posted by: Syd | November 24, 2003 11:29 PM
Maybe compared to your Star Trek days you feel like it is, but Wil - your acting career is NOT over! At the most it's on hiatus, that's all. You had perfectly valid reasons for leaving TNG - don't blame yourself for a difficult decision made in a bad situation.
The break from working as a full-time actor forced you to look at your other talents - and you've discovered that you're a hell of a writer. Would you really have discovered this if you were instead just spending your time playing yet another one of the many stereotypical characters that plague our televisions?
You're at the very beginning of a new stage in your working life. Ten years ago you were one of the THOUSANDS of hired guns working for Tinseltown. Today, you are an author and a playwright, a performer and a presenter, a webmaster, a political voice and a husband and father. You're far more influential now to a great many more people than you were back then. And this is only the beginning.
You've got an amazing life ahead of you Wil. The ability to create characters and stories that YOU want to play and to see on stage and screen. To have YOUR voice heard, and to create powerful roles not just for yourself, but for your fellow performers around you. It'll be a hell of a ride, and your loving family and friends and all us monkeys will be along with you.
You're an artist now, truly feeling the need and want to create. And you are SO FUCKING TALENTED Wil, in so many more ways than you think.
Posted by: Elyssa | November 24, 2003 11:41 PM
When the world gets to be a little too much or the sadness takes a hold of me, I can always come here and be comforted by your honesty and optimism. You're not afraid to tell everyone who you are, and that's a beautiful thing. It makes me feel better about being who I am. Thank you.
Posted by: ember | November 24, 2003 11:45 PM
Brought a tear to my eye...Damn you. Can't wait for the next part.
Posted by: Patrick | November 24, 2003 11:56 PM
At the danger of repeating others... dude, I think you really captured Patrick. I have only seen him once in person, 8 years ago... but that overwhelming presence and personality I will never forget. And you put it in words, you wicked man!
Posted by: Patty | November 25, 2003 02:09 AM
wow, today's my first day seeing this...
I can't believe you actually have time update and read all of these comments...
Posted by: Chelsea | November 25, 2003 02:32 AM
That's quite an unusual perspective for me... seeing those actors as real people with acting just being a job... and with you, Wil, thinking that it would been much more fun making TNG with them if you had opened up to the experience. As someone else already said, I'm all for Carpe Diem, but don't be too harsh on yourself.
Robbie Williams may not be right about too many things, but I believe he's right when he sings "Youth is wasted on the young." You always seem very critical about the way you were while growing up. Well, most people are, in retrospect (at least I am, too).
Posted by: DanieL | November 25, 2003 02:44 AM
"...wired to a droud..." I recognized that immediately. What an odd reference. I guess you're a wirehead wannabe. Maybe you should buy a tasp instead! Heh.
Posted by: Glenn | November 25, 2003 03:51 AM
It's funny the way each of us sees his or her own life. You ponder your missed opportunities and so-called squandered career (insert a good swift ass kick here). Maybe you aren't getting richer than Bill Gates, but you are touching people's lives in ways you will never know. (This little community you've built right here is a force to be reckoned with.) I'll bet that there are very few people who are truly and completely satisfied with their lives and the choices they have made. (Even Bill Gates probably has some regrets.)
It's kind of like your geocaching. It isn't so much finding the cache (although cache/cash is very nice...), but the hike you take looking for it and the discoveries along the way.
I believe I lead a very small and insignificant life, loving my family and raising my kids to be nice human beings. But every once in a while I hear how I've made a difference to someone. I guess there's a little George Bailey in all of us. We just don't know it. Perhaps it won't make us any money, but we will be richer for it.
Whew, I'll just climb down from the soapbox now...
Posted by: ambeart | November 25, 2003 05:38 AM
Well done so far, Wil, I'm really enjoying these excerpts.
Re: "My career is in the shitter, but I'm not my career. Yeah, right. I keep telling myself that, but I still don't fully believe it."
I think the only reason to fear this sort of thing is if you have no money coming in. I'm not my career either, but I'm facing imminent unemployment and it scares the shit out of me. I think you've redefined your career now anyway, to "famous geek and writer." Or should that be the other way around? :)
Posted by: Elayne Riggs | November 25, 2003 06:02 AM
It's interesting for me to read your thoughts on your career and how you feel you stuffed things up for yourself during the course of your life. I am no actor but I can totally understand what you mean. For as long as I could remember I wanted to be a psychologist and, the classis case, when i got into university I stuffed things up for myself, consequently never achieving that goal. My thoughts are often centred around "if only I'd done this differently", etc. It's nice to know I'm not the only one, seems all the people around me are doing exactly what they set out to do.
PS Love reading your work, very much looking forward to the next book. This morning we had a courier delivery and I got all excited thinking it was finally my copy of Dancing Barefoot, but, alas, no. So reading your blog tides me over. Please keep updating even though you are really busy now.
PPS That was the longest PS ever!
Posted by: Miki | November 25, 2003 06:04 AM
For not the first time, your words have brought tears to my eyes. I have nothing witty to say. A lot of folks have already expressed the things rambling about my head, far more eloquently than I ever could.
I truly enjoy seeing the rewrites and revisions and watching the story develop and flesh out. With each added bit, i'm pulled that much farther in. Thanks for sharing....
Posted by: Niki | November 25, 2003 06:37 AM
I guess I can't say that I'm a "big" fan of your site, in that I don't read it as religously as other people do. But I really enjoy reading it when I get to. I'll remember about every couple months or so, and think "Hey, what's that Wil guy doing?" It's like catching up with old friends, but without the pressure of sharing anything going on in my own life.
I guess that gets to the point of your knot. You made a descision, and it seems like you're still struggling with whether or not you made the right one. I do that too. All the time. I think most people do, but I've never asked. What I do to deal with it is to take a look at my life. Am I happy with where I am now? It's the decisions I've already made that got me to this point. Had I made any other decisions I could have easily wound up unhappy, or worse. Yes, I could have also been better off, but are you willing to sacrifice your current happiness for a chance at something better that you can't even control because its time has past? I can't, so I have to be happy with my past decisions. (Granted all this assumes that you are indeed happy.)
So, if I'm happy now, why do I have such difficulty expressing my current endeavors to friends? For me, I think it's because I've got such a built-up future in my head of where I want to be that I feel that I'm always underachieving. I have lists and lists of what I want to do with my website, my career, my house so that I never feel like I've made much progress only because the progress is shadowed by the imaginary progress yet to be made. I don't know that I've gotten over that shadow, but recognizing it helps.
I think I've rambled, but it felt good.
Posted by: PeteVasi | November 25, 2003 07:52 AM
Ah... my Mark Hamill joke got deleted :(
Wil Wheaton isn't the kind of guy to cherry pick what comments he allows on his site, is he?
Posted by: Michael | November 25, 2003 07:53 AM
Wil,
I have to say that you're completely full of shit. Before you go off another "the worst thing I ever did was quit Star Trek" tangent, please consider the following:
1. You have a beautiful and loving wife.
2. Great kid(s).
3. You're a published and well thought of writer.
4. You have a plethora of friends and supporters.
Stop dwelling on a decision that you made as a teenager (hell, we all made bad decisions as teenagers). As on who "met" you during the height of your teenage years I can honestly say that you have come a very long way.
Keep writing. Keep loving your wife. Keep smiling at every surprise that life brings.
Of course, this is just my opinion and it's worth about 2 cents (Canadian).
Posted by: daytoncim | November 25, 2003 07:55 AM
I completely agree with the comments everyone has made. In my eyes you are still a "movie star" (I watched Stand By Me over 200 times as a teen and only got into TNG because YOU were on it, still don't understand how you could have been hated) and I think it's awsome that you are now a writer and so accessible to your fan base. My husband and I were discussing your website the other day (I've converted him) and he was wondering why you didn't make use of your TNG contacts (ie: Patrick, Jonathan and Brent) to get into movie deals? I told him that judging from what you had written you would not be comfortable doing that, because you had those guys up on this pedestal. I know you don't make money with this website Wil, and that doesn't pay the bills (been there), but I am really hoping that your books take off in the mainstream and that you can make your living that way, if that makes you happy. I would love to see you on TV or in the movies again, but if that happens, I am also praying that you continue with the web site, cause it's one of the very first things I check when I turn on my computer each day and you have quickly grown from teenage heartthrob to one of my favorite writers. (Hmmm, there's some of that "growing up" stuff)And I'm still "patiently" waiting for my copy of DB in the mail. (Wow, this was all over the place!)
Posted by: Michelle | November 25, 2003 07:59 AM
you know, i've just started reading your site, and i'm very impressed with the writings you've been displaying. my husband directed me here, after i bought a CD that had your name listed in the credits of a song. i was surprised to see it there, and he mentioned that you have your hand in several projects, which you do... things that most people would never guess. talents show themselves in interesting ways. you definitely show a talent for writing as well as acting. your myriad talents are by far not dwarfed by your peers, though i can certainly imagine why it would feel that way. keep up the great work, i can't wait to read more, and hopefully soon the finished product.
Rhia
Posted by: Rhia | November 25, 2003 08:40 AM
Enough already! Stop fishing for encouragement and finish the damn book. I'd like to read it some day and get all misty-eyed too ya know.
Posted by: yo mama | November 25, 2003 08:57 AM
*sigh*
I am NOT "fishing" for anything, yo mamma. I occasionally worry when I write about a fear or a regret, that it will be perceived that way by readers . . . but "fishing" for anything is just not my goal.
/back to work!
Posted by: wil | November 25, 2003 09:15 AM
Hey Wil,
A well-published author once told me that in order to write at one's best, one had to write ALL the time. With the blogging and everything else going on, it doesn't surprise me that you find words flowing more easily.
I loved this entry. You ROCK!!!
-Amanda
Posted by: AT | November 25, 2003 09:47 AM
Wil, your career just looks bad to you right now because you're in transition from being an actor to being an actor/writer/comedian. In two years you can look back on this time and wonder why you ever worried.
Posted by: Karen | November 25, 2003 10:11 AM
Was that a Larry Niven reference in there?! Nice...
Posted by: JRM | November 25, 2003 10:12 AM
Dear Wil,
I'm not surprised that you still rehash important decisions, good or bad, that you made in your teens or later. Hell, I still do sometimes, and I'm 48. It's normal, we all do it. What's more important is that you have a sense of perspective about what is important *today*, and I think you do.
And at the risk of sounding like an overaged fanboy, it's great to know that the people who portray(ed) our fictional heroes are as cool as themselves as their characters were. Thank you for the backstage dialog.
Best from my family to yours,
Dave Klaus
Posted by: David K. M. Klaus | November 25, 2003 10:20 AM
The last couple of posts you have put up about your writing have been very well done. The words fow from the paper and pull me in to these experiences and feelings you share so vividly with your readers. I truly look forward to reading the finished product.
Keep up the good work. ^_^
Posted by: J. Wolf | November 25, 2003 10:46 AM
As far as yoru career goes and struggling to pay bills, don't worry man, I know how that goes. I am a starving multimedia student at the UO and also a part time hack writer of
sci-fi and X-Com: Fan-fic.
I must say, from a writer's perspective, you are doing great with your rewrites. now my question is do you get your finished prouct and then rewrite it, or do you write a chapter, then rewrite that chapter until it sounds good?
Oh, and I just ahve to say this, for those of you who want another movie that Patrick Stewart did when he wasn't a high name in the movies.... check out a little known, VERY BAD movie entitled 'LIFEFORCE' and be ready to cringe and gawk at the same time. Hot girl...... terrible movie.
Posted by: Nathan Long | November 25, 2003 11:37 AM
Here is a url to some photos from the convention Wil is writing about. Thought it was interesting to see what he was describing so eloquently.
No close-ups of Wil though.
http://www.trektoday.com/news/181101_03.shtml
Posted by: Glenn | November 25, 2003 01:11 PM
I was watching Angel One the other day and wondered whether Jonathan Frakes looks back at that ep with a shudder. Check out the hairstyle on his love interest.
Speaking of Trek, I saw Parallels for the first time the other day and you rocked in it Wil. Good to see that there are thousands of Wesley Crushers still out there zipping around the universe.
Posted by: Nick | November 25, 2003 02:19 PM
In regards to the other stars not using StarTrek as a launching point in their careers: I don't remember seeing any of those people, accept Patrick and Jonathan on anything else besides ST. To me they are kind of stuck in a typecast. No wonder they were so excited to put on their uniforms one more timewhat else do they have going on? At least you have a ton of talents, obviously we love your writing, and I'm sure you have a great deal of comedic karma in skits on stage. So really, you might think they are better than you in some ways when I really don't think thats the case. Star Trek might have launched them (or not) either way they're still stuck in that one and only role.
Posted by: angela peterson | November 25, 2003 02:34 PM
Nitpickiness: I thought that with TV shows, episode titles were usually in quotation marks. The name of the show is underlined or italicized and the episode is in quotes. Maybe I'm wrong.
Posted by: Kimura | November 25, 2003 03:25 PM
Wil, I just started reading today and I have to say,not only are you down to earth,funny,and very talented. You are lucky to have such loyal friends(fans)and I think that perfection takes time right,you're not "fishing" around for encouragment,you have all the courage you need just facing the world as it is today,and if you recieve some pats on the back and you can do its,well all the better right?. Creating your own website is pretty cool. I've created a few through books,it is pretty fun. I will keep and eye out for your book.
Posted by: Jenn(Maris) | November 25, 2003 04:36 PM
"but I wonder if they ever feel like they missed any opportunities . . ."
As far as I can tell, everyone feels like they missed opportunities, even if they have a "perfect life." All of us have had to make choices, which means we do miss some opportunities...and seize others. It's the nature of things, as is our unfortunate tendency to sweat the choices we make.
It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your wife, and maybe you would never have met her, or gotten together with her, without missing those opportunities you're worried about, so maybe you made exactly the right choices.
Thanks for your thoughtful blog!
Amanda
Posted by: ABH | November 25, 2003 07:40 PM
That second section of your blog, where Patrick Stewart finally arrives, was great! It made me feel like I was there, as the last few sections of your meeting have.
Which brings me to my point; please don't over-analyze JAG. Remember that sometimes, when you're writing stuff right from your heart, it needs no editing. I'd enjoy what I've read as is.
Posted by: Ilsoap | November 25, 2003 11:35 PM
This could be totally off the wall, but as I was reading the part about how your career is not your life and how it's hard sometims to convince yourself of that, i thought of Jonathan Brandis. I really have no clue what was going on with him or if they've concluded if his death was a suicide or not... bu ti seems (from the outside) that his career was his life, and look how he ended up. And it's very sad. The fact that you're still alive, have a family and a life and are doing fun things and are not on the verse of some breakdown and slitting your wrists says a lot. So, you know, try not to be so down and some junk. :)
Posted by: Tempest | November 26, 2003 08:12 AM
Code of Honour: Worst Episode Ever!
Posted by: Jonathan Wise | November 26, 2003 11:56 AM
Wonderful entry, as usual. The poignancy of your comment about wasted opportunities really hit me hard in the heart. We all have that thought at times, Wil. Best thing to do is just do the next thing. Personally, I have found that, because I really like the person I have become at this stage of my life, I would not take back anything that happened to me before... good or bad. It has been said, "We are the sum total of our experiences". I have found this to be true.
Thank you again for letting us peek into your head, and at LosCon, if a redheaded dealer asks for a copy of DB, personalized for "Debbie", I sincerely hope you have one left: it's for MEEEE!
-Debbie
Posted by: Debbie | November 26, 2003 12:22 PM
Hey, Wil.
I'm at the bottom of the pile, it looks like, but I hope you'll see it.
I love what you've written so far, but I think the conversation with Stewart needs some reworking - I can't quite 'get' why he's saying the things he did - did Patrick truly not remember who you were, or was he play-acting to see how the conversation would go? were you two borrowing lines from a TNG episode?
Posted by: Robert | November 26, 2003 12:40 PM
its begun to flow. you've stopped fighting yourself, stopped double reading each word as you write it. congrats. now hurry up, cause it WONT last, and you WILL beat your brains into the wall trying to get it back.
Posted by: alex | November 26, 2003 01:40 PM
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. I think the resounding conclusion is that you manage to capture some part of dialogue, some rhythm of word usage that really transports the reader into the scene. I think I might write a post about it on my 'blog...since this isn't really the place to expound upon such things.
Please keep writing, Wil. You make half-ass writers like myself inspired that the independent publisher/writer can make a difference.
On a totally different note, I spent the good part of an hour trying to figure out which song your post title comes from. I just realized that it's one of my favorite Radiohead tunes...I think. Unless it was used elsewhere. In which case, it's that song.
Posted by: jeef | November 26, 2003 04:51 PM
Just a quick question (which will probably not get answered, I know how it works here :)
When you write about someone, do you show it to them before you publish it here or in a book?
Just curious.
Posted by: dejapooh | November 26, 2003 05:15 PM
I'm some how deeply saddened by this -- and also very touched. I can totally appreciate the pain you feel with this as saying goodbye to the dearest of people AND times in our lives is so... well, painful.
But it needs to be told, your story.
However, and being that I have no clue about these guys other than what I like to think, they will never forget you or the ways you touched their lives as they touched yours'.
-sam
Posted by: sam | November 27, 2003 11:26 AM
I feel silly for asking, but did Patrick Stewart really not recognize you, or was that the two of you funning?
Posted by: Chris | November 27, 2003 05:21 PM
Wil,
You may remember me as the guy who gave you a lotta crap about your political views. And I did.
But I give you a big \M/ "That Rawks" for the literary skill I just read in this post. I can sincerely empathize with the position you felt you were in and yet having the strong "joy" feelings that you had being with your fellow "crewman".
As someone else said above, there is always a chance to reflect and feel regrets for leaving one path while also feeling happiness with the one your now on. Good job. Btw, I believe career and ocurr are the two most f'd up words ever created.
Posted by: Brian | December 2, 2003 07:52 PM
Gran Canaria http://www.grancanariaguide.com 2004 September 27 18:42:36
Posted by: Gran Canaria | September 27, 2004 09:42 AM
Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely.
--------
Posted by: penis enlargement | November 12, 2004 07:42 PM