WIL WHEATON dot NET: 1.5

I think your humor is funny. But people don't always get me either. :D

Ahhh, the sweet purity of youth....

WOW - wonderfully written, touching, and something I can totally relate too!

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.  ~Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874

It's one of my favorite quotes. Parents can't help it Wil, we're destined to be lame for a few (many) years.

I must be getting old, I thought it was funny too! I felt the same way the first time my neice rolled her eyes at one of my jokes - I think it's a teenage thing.
(and if she's old enough to work, she should know what a U.N. treaty is anyway)

Perhaps you should have said "No, that's also a violation of UN treaties." At least the joke would have been consistent then.

I thought your response was great. I'm sorry she didn't get it!

LOL @ Randal. I'll be sure to run that past Ryan. (Thanks for the link to the pictures from Powells, too. Anne loved them!)

Hey Wil!

Sorry I dont wanna be "that guy" since I always enjoy reading your site...but a little correction is in order (since I want you to be the best writer you can be!)

The word is "harakiri".

"hara" means stomach or belly and "kiri" comes from "kiru" to cut. So basically it means to cut the stomach. The more accpted word is "seppuku" which literally translated means "self-disembowelment". Little trivia.."Kill Bill"'s title in Japanese is translated as "Kiru Biru"..get it? to cut Bill! There is a specific kanji for kiru that means to cut with a katana sword.

Again sorry to be "that guy" but I hope this helps! Keep up the good work!
Be Seeing You

I think she knew exactly what they were, but how sharp or attentive (or inclined to laugh at anything) would you be after being subjected to THAT music everyday? It's like being stuck in a Musak testing lab or something... scary.

Shane: Fixed. That'll teach me to trust the stupid dictionary!

Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting a teenager. I'm a fifteen year old and my dad embarasses me a lot! Tell Ryan the coffee comment was really smart.

Most of the time my kids enjoy my sense of humor. But, once in awhile, I embarrass them like that too. Not too often. I hope. For whatever it's worth, I thought it was humerous. =^..^=

i'm a year younger than you and i have two girls of my own.They always take great pleasure reminding me that i am lame.I love your sense of humour and since i am new to your site i have spent the last couple of days reading what you have wrote in the passed.I laughed so hard at the hooters bar story,after that i read more and decided i will keep on reading.

Just rememeber you just got back from a long car trip and nerves could still be frayed. By the way I bought the books and couldnt put them down!! Way to go.

Oh, just to clarify: there was nothing cruel or nasty in Ryan's comments, at all. He was speaking to me from a very kind and (from his pov) helpful place.

I would have gotten the joke but then again I'm "old" ;)

Ryan sounds lovely with a great sense of humour and one to be proud of.I forgot to ask but when will you come to england? Us brits love you to and would love to meet you.

Wow Wil, I am speachless. That was a phenomenal piece you wrote.

Lame is part of being a parent I think.
I look forward to the day I can be :)
It means they are paying attention at least a little.

I think your humor is great.
It brightened my day :)

Sounds kind of like today's Foxtrot.

Just to play Devil's Advocate:

I'll bet you a million dollars that she knew exactly what you were talking about, she just didn't care. She's probably heard the comment "Do they pay you extra to listen to that?" as often as she's heard the songs on the CD. I can speak from experience. At my day job I have to say "Good morning" or "Good afternoon" and since I work different shifts I often say them at the incorrect times and I get 'funny' customers insisting it's cute for them to correct me. It pisses me off. I'm completely not amused. I have a sense of humor, I own an improv comedy company. Don't say to me "Well, little lady (because I'm a Yankee in Texas so I hear 'little lady' a lot), you must be in India if you think it's afternoon. Heh heh." because more than likely I'm awake 5 hours earlier than usual after performing late the night before.

(/program "Devil's Advocate")

Ah jeez, I thought it was funny and I'm only 19...I don't think it's a generational thing as much as it depends on how much you pay attention to world events. I mean...not knowing what UN treaties are? Guh!

Well, I found it funny, for what it's worth. But sometimes my boyfriend puts me in Ryan's position, where I just end up feeling sorry for the cashier and embarassed for myself. He doesn't listen to me though, 31 years old and still does it - perhaps we should have a child :D

PS Living here in Australia I've just ordered Just A Geek from the States, can't wait to read it, I love your work :)

Keep up the good parenting! You're there for the kids and you throw in laughs. It's great!
Sounds like the cashier would be a person who would purchase an American flag doormat anyway! And I know how you feel about that!

Whenever they asked for my phone number, I used to give 832-1776. In my area (home of Southwestern Bell), 832 was/is a magic number that if you dial it, a computer reads back to you the number you called from. I picked it up from a tech who used it to test the new lines. So if they ever decided to dial, they'd get a computer giving them a new number. If they were so lame as to dial that one, well... I'm a busy guy -- what can I say?

I believe the term for what happened is growing up. Happens to all of us at some point in time.
And do not feel too bad about daddy and the apology. To my dying day I will always be amazed about how much my father learned while I was in college. All it took was to put a few letters after my name for my father, (and mother) to get an education.

I thought it was funny... Of course, I told my doctor once that denying a pregnant woman Christmas pies, cookies, etc was against the Geneva Convention and he looked at me the same way.

Maybe we're just smarter than they are... or maybe we're warped....

Nah, we're warped.

Wil, aren't those moments the best though? We should start a step dad society to help other step dads, because being a step parent and getting to the point where our kids are embarassed by us like real parents is a moment to treasure forever.

I'm tearing up right now brother.

I know my kids hate it when I talk on the phone, they say I start a conversation with everyone. They're like just order the darn pizza! Kids, gotta love em!

All I know is that being a teacher of middle school students made me realize the need to profusely apologize to my parents and former teachers for all what I put them through when I was that age...

Wil,
You have to be carefull with humor. Sometimes you get the bull and sometimes the bull gets you.

FG

Actually, and I say this the nicest, kindest way possible, my eyebrows rose a bit with that UN comment also. It was sort of a "there's that geek side he's always talking about" raise. I find myself making really dumb comments at the worst time. I'm learning to listen to the voice in my head that says "Shut up Veronica. You're going to sound stupid otherwise." He's served me well in a few situations.

He was absent the other night at the video store though.

I'm right with you on the zip codes issue, I always just say no. The worst though is that gas stations have started requesting my zip code when I use a credit card at the pump. I tried pressing "NO", but it didn't work. Sigh.

[update: Ok, I just tried to post this and got the friendly message, "Name and email address are required." Do I sense a bit of an inconsistent message here Wil? ;)]

And here I thought this post was going to be about Mark Hamill.

Were you paying with a credit card? A lot of the services are cross-referencing the ZIP code of the billing address with the card to cut down on stolen card usage.

I think the most important lesson here for both you and Ryan is that people who are funny tell jokes, people who are really funny tell a lot of jokes, and people who tell a lot of jokes tell bad ones every now and then. Now....if Ryan had looked up at you in line and said, "Don't worry about it Wil, she looks French", ah, then we're talking Martin and Lewis, or Rowan and Martin, or Fry and Laurie. And you guys would've had an inside joke on the world for a long time. But the coffee line was great....I think he's gonna be a fine young cannibal...er, comedian before too long.

I'm 19 and I thought it was funny. I get similar comments because at the store where I'm a cashier, they've had singing animatronic Halloween and Christmas decorations since July. Many people take pity on me for having to listen to a rip off of 'Yo Ho Ho, A Pirate's Life For Me' competing with 'Joy To The World, The Lord Has Come'.

Of course, when I try to respond with a joke of my own, I sometimes get The Blank Stare.

who was it that said... living is easy, comedy is difficult. They were right!

that's awesome on so many levels. hah.

Ryan sounds like a great kid. At his age I would have been rolling my eyes and sighing so much I should have had detached retinas and collapsed lungs.

Wil, that was one hell of a post - funny and touching and a little sad at the same time. I lost my father when I was Ryan's age and my mother didn't remarry until I was out of high school and off to college, so it's not even like I have a stepfather, but that my mother has a husband. I look back now at the times I rolled my eyes at dad, and 13 years later, I finally "get" what he was saying. It's a good sign, however, that Ryan can identify your sense of humor as an acquired taste - that's the kind of comment people who have acquired a certain taste make.

You know, you can't be funny all the time - to other people that is.

Kids are supposed to find stuff you do slightly embarrassing as they get older. It's part of developing their indepdendence.

What is amazing is how nicely he told you. Honest but aware of your feelings. Very thoughtful.

Your joke /was/ funny. Even if the young woman didn't completely get it, she would have understood you were sympathising with her.

Now, see, I thought that was funny! If I'd been the cashier, I probably would have thought you were clever. Then I would have wound up trying to flirt with the clever guy who looks just like Wil Wheaton from Star Trek except he's older and has kids.

I dunno, Wil.

First, it's a passing reference to violating UN treaties.

Then, it's a "Luddite" moment with pen and paper.

Hoo-ee, we're all getting old!

Just so long as we can embarrass the kids along the way, though...that makes it all worthwhile!

Enjoy your own bed.

I can appreciate dry humour Wil, the best zingers are the ones that take a couple of minutes to develop in your mind.

At age 14 a child's self-awareness kicks into high gear, it's not so much about what your parents do or say.. it's how it reflects on YOU!

I know.. my wife teaches grade 8 up here. I was able to relate to half the class with my guitar.. but only if I played AC/DC or anything "retro".

I had to make that same apologetic phone call to my mother several years ago and when I suddenly realized I was all grown up and going through the same things with my son as I had done to her.

Good answer with the Coffee response, that's almost classic.

On a side note, "Did you know that you were a clue in one of People magazines crossword puzzles last month?" You must be coming up in the world.

The clerk's ignorance of the world and poor vocabulary should not cause you any embarassment. It wouldn't hurt people to pick up a newspaper and attempt to read and understand at least one article a week. I'm probably "preaching to the choir".

Wil, were you at Riker's wedding in the opening scene to "Nemesis"? They forgot to cut or CGI you out of the background. I hope you got paid.

I cried when Data died.

Congratulations on being thought "lame" by your kid. It's a parent's rite of passage.

What did your father say?

I liked your joke too, but I agree with Lil Ms Drama :) The clerk had probably heard tons of comments about the music and other quips that had she not been working probably would have been funny and then not giving your zip code probably just... lol, I've been there before and the "whatever" isn't meant to be vocalized it just sometimes ends up that way!

In defense of the zip code thing (my turn to play Devil's Advocate)... I agree with not wanting to give out your information but it's hard when you're on the other side of the register. I used to have to ask customers for their e-mail addresses and while I hated doing it, and understood the "No" I mostly got, I still had a quota to meet or else I would have to have a "meeting." So for the love of whatever, it doesn't actually have to be *your* zipcode just tell the clerk something cause you never know if your declination will be the one to cause her or him to get stuck being patronized for a half an hour about Not Meeting the Quota=You suck! [/Devils Advocate]

That being said, I really liked this story and Ryan sounds like a cool guy. It speaks volumes about your parenting that he actually did speak up in a respectful and caring way instead of doing that "Psshh" followed by a deep annoyed sigh with no other explanation. You're a great Dad and I'm glad you shared this with us :)

PS Welcome back! I'm glad you enjoyed your time up here in my neck of the woods. :)

I always like to give 49931, the zip code of the tiny town where I went to college. I figure if they want to invade my privacy for their data collecting, I'll try and boost the numbers, maybe poor little Houghton will get a _____(fill in the franchise).

My big gripe on personal data is Sam's club. They take your personal information when they CHARGE you to shop there. You get a photo ID. They check it when you walk in the store. They check it when you get to the register. Then if you write a check, they have to see your driver's license! Hello? isn't that on file already? Associated with the card you JUST scanned? Want a fingerprint and lock of hair too? Then as you leave, better keep that receipt out, because they have to check your cart and make sure you're not sneaking out with extra bulk goods. Want to frisk me, too? I might have a case of Sam's choice soda in my shorts.

Hey, don't let Ryan get you down. Just because your humor doesn't appeal to 14 year olds doesn't make it "unfunny" or "lame." We love you just the same.

*grins* Two things come to mind: 1.) It's your job to embarrass him, seriously, it's part of growing up. And 2.) I wouldn't reduce your humor to the lowest common denominator, just because we can't be bothered to educate our children. You know? God knows she needs to hear the words "UN Treaties" somewhere...

I read that to my sister of 13 years, and she found it amusing, if that helps your bruised ego any :/

Wil,

It WAS funny. The checkout girl was just a dumbass. Feel better now? Good. :-)

The geek inside must show itself on occasion. Some will recogize it for pure brillance, others will scoff..teenagers will just see it as a way to draw attention to thier little world.

Cheer up, he will embarass his own kids. Set a good example :)

I loved it! Geekess showing proudly.

i laughed out loud...and i'm far closer in age to that clerk. and if she doesn't know what UN treaties are...well she should. lol.

Wil,
For all its worth, the joke was great.

Fathers are meant to embarass their kids, you gave ryan an easy way out.

Try imagining your dad dancing in the middle of the street because he loved the music (serious hip waving) ... that happend to me. I was fuming then ... now I love doing it myself.

PS: you are the reason I subscribe to broadband in my home.

Ryan has a point. The cashier was probably not the right audience for the joke. I remember that when I was a teen it wasn't the cool to make a risky, intelligent joke that might be lost on the audience. Being cool in teenage terms is one thing but I think the world is better for the joke. You're being true to your nature to make the joke and, as several other readers have said, the cashier really needs to hear the term "Geneva Convention" more often...

It's wonderful that Ryan appreciates your sense of humor, even if he thinks of it as an acquired taste. As a teen, I don't think I ever gave my dad fair credit for his attempts at humor. Wish I'd been more like Ryan in that respect.

Hey wil, I tell people that they either get use to my humor or sick of my humor. There is no middle of the road. And remember, A grown is better then a laugh to a deaf elephant!

Wil,
New to the site, but a total addict. As someone who just crossed the threshold of thirty, your musings have helped make the transition much smoother.

I’ve come to realize that the size of the generation gap is directly proportional to the “whipper-snappers” intelligence and maturity. There is absolutely no reason why someone over the age of 12 shouldn’t understand UN treaties or the Geneva Convention, especially since we’re at WAR. Those references aren’t history, they’re current events. I feel your pain man, but we need to make the next generation realize that intelligence isn’t something to be ashamed of. There are all different kinds of humor, and sarcasm has a home right next to the antics of Johnny Knoxville.

As far as the zip code/phone number request at registers is concerned. I give them a fake number, generally an amalgam of work/home/cell. The only way forced marketing will stop is if it’s viewed as unprofitable. Until they start scanning my cones and rods, I’m going to keep feeding them the blue pill.

Make up a zip code, a phone number, and always say you make less than $20K when forced to specify your annual income on one of those registration sites. Skew the marketing data!

Since nobody else posted a reply to Kelli, Wil was in the scene where Riker and Troi get married in "Nemesis" (no speaking lines). Definite disappointment for all of us.

Search on NEMESIS on the bottom of the main page to let Wil tell the story of what happened.

Everyone (especially kids!) needs to be embarrassed sometimes. It won't hurt 'em and it builds character. The shame would be if you started censoring your spontaneous comments because you were worried about embarrassing someone. :)

Nice that he was nice about it, though. Bodes well for communication between you in the future.

But you never know - the girl may have gotten your joke after you left. She might have thought it was really clever. Now she's agonizing about whether she should have said something spontaneous back, but alas, the opportunity is gone. Now she'll go out with her lame straight-up white bread boyfriend and wish that he'd make a witty, smart, geeky quip.

(note: my husband makes 'em all the time and I think it's adorable.)

Well...I thought it was funny. :(

Either I act too old (I'm only 19) or you aren't that out of touch and the girl was just undereducated (I mean, come on. Who doesn't know what a UN treaty is?).

My son's only three. So far, I'm still cool ;)

Hey Wil, someone should update your "Wish" page. You've now got two books done, working (hopefully!) on the third.

It's no fun feeling lame. 'Specially when our loved ones see it happen.

Oh, in her possible defense, she just might've been responding as one would to a joke or pun one found completely unfunny. The cold, dead eyes staring at you as she changes the subject.

But it _was_ funny.

Wil, you are destined to say WAY more embarrassing things in front of him in the future. It's not only your job, it's your responsibility. :) Just remind him, no matter how bad he thinks the situation is, you could always make it worse by passing gas, too.

I'm 20, which I suppose puts me halfway between you and your stepkids Wil, and I think that was a great joke!

In fact, I've made similar ones myself. Usually refering to UN chemical weapons bans when one of my particularly flatulent friends lets rip.

I think it's far more down to education and upbringing than age, when it comes to sense of humour.

Don't dilute your humour just because a few people don't appreciate it Wil.

It's exactly these kinds of observations about life that keep me coming back here.

Shoot, I tell my kids it's my job to embarass them!

I used to work at Six Flags New England in the kiddie section, and I definitely remember how irritating it was to listen to the same lame looney tune songs over and over again. I managed to tune it all out after a month or so, but then one day there was a park-wide power outage*, and everything just went SILENT. It was eerie! Indescribably weird, actually. Does anyone else suspect mind-control at these places?

*when I say power outage, I mean one freak moment when the power failed, which is bound to happen at some point during foul weather when a bunch of mechanical devices are working together from the same power source at the same time. Since there were no casualties, I am not saying that the parks are unsafe, although anything can happen, and I'm going to stop talking now before they find me and take me away. Oh, but they treat their workers like crap, and if I spelled "indescribably" wrong, I humbly request that "that guy" set me straight. Thanks...I'm done.

Ah, Wil, in my mind (I'm about exactly your age so we'll probably think alike) Ryan should have said after you left "Wil, I don't think that girl knew what UN treaties were. The world is becoming a sad sad place. She deserves a better education."

Reminds me of the time in college on a cold rainy day I went through the drive-thru at Wendy's and ordered some value meal combo and asked if the drink could be hot chocolate. The person behind the tinny speaker replied, "No, it has to be a beverage." I stared at that speaker for a full 10 seconds in silence and pondered what my next words would be. In order to keep the world moving smoothly, I said, "Make it a Sprite."

I felt so dirty.

You know, when you're a teenager, everything is so serious, so mortifying. When you're an adult, you realize far less of it is.

Don't worry about it. And hey, it *was* funny.

i thought the u.n. treaty joke was really funny. does that make me lame, too? and on the mark twain note, "when i was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant i could hardly stand to have the old man around. but when i got to be twenty-one, i was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." i love that quote -- tis so true.

Oh yes, back to the ZIP Code/Phone Number/DNA privacy issue - generally I like giving the ZIP code if it's a store I like and I have to go to another city to get there. They use that information to judge whether it makes good sense to open up a branch in or near your ZIP code. Worked with Best Buy in my area. Now RadioShaft on the other hand, since I worked for them in the distant past, doesn't get my information whatsoever. And stores I don't like get '90210' as my ZIP since that's the only semi-fictional one I know.

Wait a minute...we're NOT supposed to embarrass our kids???? I thought that was half the fun of parenting! If I was that cashier I'd have not only gotten the joke, I would have probably tired to tell one back. Ryan sounds like one hell of a kid, Wil. Dare I use the phrase "chip off the old block"?

Reminds me of once I was standing in line at the grocery store and the cashier was having trouble with her keys sticking.

Her: "I have to bash my key."

Me: "Is your key in the bin?"

Her: "What bin?"

Me: "The cgi bin..."

Her: "...Please sign your receipt."

I felt so nerdy and ...old. Pre-linux old! I felt so utterly nerdy and out of touch with today's youth, even though I'm considered today's youth.

Maybe it's because I use such archaic basic languages.

Ha. Basic. ... Another ...nerd joke.

Circa 1995, while listening to an R&B station with a group of my fellow teens, our chaufer (my dad) said "The only kind of rapping I do is around Christmas-time." Looking back...what an embarassing, head shaking, hilarious, fantastic man.

I thought it was funny.

Is it an age difference, or an educational difference? I can't tell. But nonetheless - never be apologetic for the expression of your wisdom, wit and knowledge. I think Ryan is right -- good humor is an aquired taste. If we wanted to keep eating bolognia on white bread, we would. Instead our palate grows in sophistication as our experience levels increase, and what is funny to a person of educational means may be completely lame to someone who just doesn't get the joke because of a lack of life experience. Maybe this is why Dennis Miller only makes about half the audience laugh and the other just scratch their heads.

If it counts for anything, I think your freakin' hilarious, and I know I'm not alone. But, I'm sure this is more about the "I'm getting old" thing and less about the "I'm not cool thing". Embarrassing Ryan is a right of passage you and he have to experience together, and it would happen no matter how cool you think you are :). Later, he'll think fondly on ths moment, as you are reflecting on your own dad. It will be a source of future bonding. Just remember, wine is better when it ages, and so are people. We have a culture obsessed with youth, and it has negative affects on our ego when we have moments like this.

But yea, you may have been out of your peer group, and sometimes idioms just don't translate. Next time, you can guage your audience and make a fart joke :).

Wil:
Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, but I don't see the "click here if you just read the book and want to tell me I rock" link.

I just read the book. I got it some weeks ago, but I've been too busy, so I put it in my trunk and here I am on vacation and I thought, eh, I could read this. I won't give away the surprise ending, but I just have to say, "Dude." (which in this case does not stand for "check out that hottie").

Its actually appropriate to write this on this blog entry because, yeah, some of your jokes in the book, like the whole /. subculture thing, not getting it ... well, not all of it. But, anyway, there was enough that I could get and could relate to that it was a page turner. I liked your writing style, too. So, now I'm going to read your blog. I actually read your blog once in 2002 and wrote you an email disagreeing with your politics or something (you hollywood elite leftist commie you) but, I think you William -F'ing- Shatner'ed me. Oh, well.

PS: I am a geek - thus getting a book titled "Just a Geek" for the bday. But, I have been assimiliated and actually enjoy life as a drone. My designation is MCSE - whoo yah!

Nice entry! I haven't got kids so I don't relate to that generation gap thing yet.
This is my personal Mark Twain quote which I do relate to though.

"She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person who keeps a parrot." - Mark Twain

Wil, only a select band of people get my humour too. My daughter, several blog readers and ...err... that's it.

If you think listening to instore music CDs is bad, just wait until after Thanksgiving when the Christmas music starts...

I'm really glad you had a good holiday (even though the internet has been abit boring in your absence) and don't worry about generation gaps, I tell inside jokes that are SO inside nobody gets them except me :)
Just received your book this morning (just in time too, my holiday begins tomorrow!) and I was jumping around like a crazy person I was so excited. It's so professional and hard-backy, I'm really looking forward to reading it and freaking people out on the train when I begin laughing hysterically to myself!

This is the first time I really related to a post you made. My mom passed away several years ago and reading your entry made me recall all of the times that I was embarassed by things she did and said. I would give all that I have now to have her with me so I could have her make me laugh and see her be silly. Your children are so very lucky to have a caring and loving parent!

Unless you are leaving key things out, Ryan is going to be a diplomat/arbitrator when he grows up. I hate to admit it and undermine your paretnal authority, but it sounds like he was right on this one. It was a good joke, but low level customer service sucks. Making a sarcastic comment can sometimes go the wrong way for all sorts of reasons. Better just to complement them on there clothes or haircut or something. You are much more likely to make them feel better. Do your kids ever do something stupid or get in trouble? I know you wouldn't talk about it on the site, nor should you, but it just seems a little too good to be true sometimes. Then again, maybe I'm just cynical and you're blessed.

Biru means beer in Japanese so Kill Bill would become Cut Beer.

I teach martial arts to kids (5-8 years and 9-14 years) and even though I am only 26, I have felt moments of "God, I'm getting old." I mistook Yugi-oh cards for Pokeman once and got corrected like I was living under a rock. Well excuuuuuse me. I start talking about bands in the 90's and they look at me like I looked at my parent s when they talked about Carly Simon, James taylor and Simon & Garfunkel.

One similar story to share is when I had a roommate who was the messiest fucker ever. He was a year older than me and lazier than a fat narcoleptic cat. I found myself constantly reminding him to rinse his dishes after use (so the food doesn't get all crusty, cause you know he'll never do the damn dishes), cleaning hair out of the sink after shaving, making sure windows are locked before leaving the house, use up the milk in the existing container before opening a new one... you get the picture.

The weird thing is those were the same things my mom would bark at me when I was younger. After a decade I finally understood why she was telling me these things. And the time when she said "wait until you have kids of your own!" kinda came true. Though I have no kids yet, that lazy roommate was close enough to make this comparison. She was right. I called her up and apologized and told her that I now understand. She laughed at me.

Great blog today. I will someday identify. I have two boys ages 8 and 11. I am still funny and cool in their eyes. Someday, I am sure that wont be the case. I am at lengedary status with my 11 year old. I have been riding that for a while. When he was in first grade, he captured a garter snake and wanted to show it during show-and-tell. Needless to say the snake was aggitated when I took it out of the bucket. Two seconds later it bit me in from of the class. I was cool, calm, and collected and the boys were all going "Ooh." I was and still am the cool mom. I will be sad the day my ride ends.
Jessica

On the practice of Radio Shack asking for phone numbers -- there's a certain 3-digit number used for control purposes by the phone company here, and a friend of mine started using that, followed by 4 random digits, when asked at Radio Shack.

I remember being that age and being moritified by my parents. However, now that I am older...anyway. I see my husband being like that at times. He heckles the teenage kids in the grocery store or when we go out to eat. And they roll their eyes and sort of walk away as only a disgruntled teenager can do.
I just sort of giggle at my husband then and inform him that he is no longer hip with the kids.

I was at the moives seeing Collateral with my Dad last week, I don't hang around him much that I have grown up. One thing that really bugs me at the movies is when people talk during the movie, The preview okay, but not the movie. So here I am watching the movie and my Dad starts talking to me. What do I do, he is my Dad. I just put my index finger up to my mouth and say "shhhh". I felt bad but he did it 3 times. He never said anything about it. I am 37 years old and my Dad is still embarrassing me. What are you going to do. :)

-Mike

Wil, had I been the poor cash register girl, I would've laughed my butt off. Regardless, I still laughed my butt off, causing the others in my office to, well, stare blankly. Oh well.

hehe. Sounds lke something I'd have said. You were at Wal-mart weren't you? They have those bobdamned things EveryWhere. Its incredibly annoying.

For phone number, just go with 867-5309. And insist that your name is Jenny.

Dude, don't even worry about being lame. Ryan probably doesn't think you're lame, he may have just been concerned with the girl's feelings, since she obviously didn't get/appreciate the joke. Which is very cool.

Some of us (teenagers; I'm 17 but rarely act it, though sometimes I choose to have a "teenager moment" (hey, if older people can have senior moments, I can have teenager moments)) are aware of stuff that goes on emotionally; if you had said that joke and I was in Ryan's place and felt embarrassed, I might not have chosen to show it.... In short, it is not age that determines such reactions, it is more education, formal and otherwise.

I don't understand the generation gap thing so much. It seems to have mostly to do with being aware of things. The thing about kids thinking their parents are sometimes lame is that they've spent so much time with them. It's hard for kids to help feeling that way about their parents; the trick is how they deal with it. I like to just ignore it sometimes. Ryan chose to tactfully tell you how he felt, which, as I said, is very cool.

And don't worry if some people don't get your jokes. It happens to a lot of us. Just remember: Dancing Cupcakes. (They help make Fur Elise so much more entertaining.)

That happens to me all the time. People just seem to get my sense of humor and I always tell teh same reply: You have to learn to laugh about life and, most important, to laugh about you.

I think your sense of humor is clever. At least I get it.

I thought the joke was funny. Eh, don't ever not tell a joke because you are afraid your audience won't understand you. Sometimes they will, and their day will be better because of it, thus increasing the happyness in the world. Sometimes they won't, but if they don't get the joke, as long as you aren't condesending about it, it is no worse than not telling the joke at all.

I do want to say, my whole life, I've known just how smart my parents are. (And how smart they aren't.) And at 25, my dad is still embarassing. (I've been told by others that he is embarrasing at 30 and 40 too. That's okay, 'cause I'm occasionally embarrasing too.

Oh and I just got your book. Actually, I just bugged my librarian until she got your book for me, since I am very broke. Loved it. Thank you veddy much.

Wil, your jokes are great. Embarassment passes quickly. Just as you recall the memories of your father embarassing you, Ryan will recall you embarassing him and the cycle will continue on with his children. It is why we are here. It is necessary to embarass each other, it reminds us of our humanity. I know my mother was born to embarass me and I wouldn't change a hair on her head. Thank you for the glimpses into your heart and your family.

*I* thought it was funny ... hey, if your audience is so lame that they don't know what the UN is, that's there problem. If you want everyone to get all of your attempts at humour, stick to slapstick.

Carry on.

I mean "their problem" ... I'm so tired I can't spell.

"The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow."
-- Mark Twain

Here's something I was told (haven't tracked down a source, though):

"When it happens to you, it's drama. When it happens to someone else, it's comedy."

That's the one I use as a mantra during visits to my family!

I grew up in a family of 5 kids, and as early as high school I realized that I probably owed my parents a million apologies for being such a douche. My parents did their best to relate to us and be funny, and I saw their efforts deflated all too often by my younger siblings. I know I must have done the same, but I only felt sorry for it as a 18 yr old. My parents have always been rad. Nolan will probably see that about you in a few years. :-)

Hmm... how old was said girl? Either she wasn't paying any attention in school or she was too young to be working there... or she's just really really stupid... could be any...

Ok, so it wasn't the BEST joke ever, it still should have gotten a half grunt/half 'ha' instead of a blank look...

Wil,

NEVER be uncomfortable being yourself. You are a four-dimensional being, and we all need to be cool with ourselves at 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, and however long our lifetime spans.
I am the uncoolest dude at 40 that I've ever been, but I've never had more fun. And my yonger friends harass me endlessly about, well, all my tastes, but hey--it all rebounds to our greater enjoyment on planet Earth.

I believe a Dutch court ruled last year that employees cannot be forced to work with the same 10 seasonal tracks played over and over again for the winter holidays... that it was in fact cruel and unusual... and as I recall, ruled that establishments which play such music had to expand their playlist significantly or stop it altogether....

too sleepy to do the web research to back this up....

Hey, I thought it was funny... but then, I'm even older than you, Wil (34) - and I've done the exact same thing so many times....

I had always thought that was cool.... Oh no, my wife was right!

P.S. I love all of your work I've ever seen (inc. Wesley), great writing all around, and you singlehandedly do a lot to counter my inherent Australian "all Americans are stupid" attitude! (well, you should see what we see - mostly politicians, actors (no offence), and 'daytime TV'... :-) )

I hear ya. Ever since Gattaca (and other movies) illustrated 'that' possible future for humans...i've had issues ever since about giving out my zip code when purchasing anything. I know, I know...paranoia will destroya...but damn... where's the freedom? And as for music- utter repetition should be outlawed or more rotation available. I still wouldn't be surprised if they had subliminal words in the tunes to keep all the happy little sheep consuming... lol

p.s. I rather enjoy coffee...even when others simply don't 'get it'... ;-)
Much more fun being outcasted than assimilated. Although being aware of one's own progression in maturity is all too exciting.
:-)

Ha!

On a trip home a few years ago, I picked up my diaries from when I was around 16 years old. After reading through them I DID actually call and apologise to my mother for how completely self-involved I must have been!

She laughed and said "You were just being a teenager. We've all done it!"

Now I have a kid of my own...

You're on the other side of the generation gap already??? My daughter isn't old enough yet for me to be in your shoes. I'm really not looking forward to it. Here's a little something that might help you feel a little better, though.

A Vintage "Born to Rock" Tee

Welcome to the flipside of 30 for real, m'man. The first time a kid rolls his or her eyes at you it's like the years suddenly streeeeeeeetch. I for one made apologies like that to my own folks years ago, but just recently had the chance to apologize to a wonderful old teacher as well, one of my mentors. You really should do it-it means more than I realized to the recipient.

Wil, you definitely have my sympathy. I'm about your age and used to hang out with a friend's younger brother before he went to high school. He thought I was a great role model (what an ego boost) and talked with me a lot and laughed at almost all my jokes.

Well, now that he's 15 and entering his teen angst stage ("no one understands me/this world sux") he treats me like all those other adults out there. When I make a joke I can almost see him mentally rolling his eyes. Sometimes he outright ignores what I say; man, indifference hurts.

On a lighter note, I really liked both the UN and coffee lines. I can see where Ryan gets his sense of humor. Tell him that he inspired to me to make up this off-tangent comment: "My sense of humor is like instant coffee. Use it enough, and you'll be too numb to care how bad it really is."

Btw, nice to have you back.

It was funny! But, having worked as a cashier myself there is that moment of zone in which we concentrate only on our job and the time left before its time to go home (some days it starts half an hour before home time, some days well 10 minutes into a shift) So don't feel bad... she also probably isn't very geeky

One benefit of being on *this* side of the generation gap is that we can stop kicking ourselves for overestimating the intelligence of Lil Miz ShopGurl, and just feel sorry for her.

She might have gotten the joke if she hadn't been on duty. Something about jobs like that anesthetizes brain cells, I think. The summer I worked at Dairy Queen in high school, a customer once said something to me as he picked up his order. I honestly couldn't understand what this jumble of syllables meant (it didn't sound like anything I'd heard all day) and asked him what he had said. He replied, "I said, thank you and have a good afternoon." I think I stood there blinking at his back for a couple of seconds as he walked away.

She might have gotten the joke if she hadn't been on duty. Something about jobs like that anesthetizes brain cells, I think. The summer I worked at Dairy Queen in high school, a customer once said something to me as he picked up his order. I honestly couldn't understand what this jumble of syllables meant (it didn't sound like anything I'd heard all day) and asked him what he had said. He replied, "I said, thank you and have a good afternoon." I think I stood there blinking at his back for a couple of seconds as he walked away.

Oops - sorry for the double comment. I swear, it said it couldn't connect. Teach me to trust a computer. :-)

Damn...don't let it get to you...I've found that there are A LOT of uneducated people out there...and in reality most people should know what a U.N. Treaty is..or at least know what the words are.

Bryan

Some day, when that clerk has enough life experience to be annoyed by people who seem like complete twits compared to her, she may realize what a twit she once was. The same goes for your boy, although it sounds as though he may be smart enough to realize it before the clerk.