WIL WHEATON dot NET: 1.5

what you wrote about illustrates the dangers of the assumptions many of us make...and it hurts to realize when we are wrong...and have hurt someone else in our assumptions...a loved one can forgive...but others who don't share the bonds of family are not so quick to forgive...if only all political pundits could see the effect that their words can have...and take them back when they know they have wronged someone.

Wil,

I think that you've done a wonderful job at setting the record straight. I also think, that at some point, in every parent and child relationship that in some way, one or the other is bound to disappoint the other. Whether or not it was intentional, the hurt it causes can put a major dent into said relationship.

I read your "essay" when you originally posted it and didn't get the feeling that your parents were loose cannons - just that they had very strong beliefs about that particular subject. In everyones life, there has to be something that sparks a person to stand up for what they believe in. From my point of view, the conversation was taken out of hand. People tend to say (and write) things in the heat of the moment that often gets them in trouble.

I don't know you or your father, but I can certainly see how much the two of you mean to one another. You were wrong and you tried to fix it. I think your parents should be proud of you for that, they've raised you well - even if you do have different standing points on political views.

I read your orginial essay at salon at at no point did I get the impression that you did not love and respect your parents.

I wouldn't let this get you down too much. The holiday season can drive all of us a little nutty.

Last time I checked it looked like you are still a member of the human race..."born to make mistakes" as the song goes... Or are you? Didn't you evolve into something special at the end of Star Trek!

I never read it as your parents being irrational. I only read the part on the blog here, but it seemed to me that there was a great deal of backstory that you were not privy to. It's a fairly simple thing to read between the lines when someone reacts that emotionally about any issue, and, although this post is certainly an excellent postscript, I didn't read the original one as "Wil comes from psycho-family."

I have read your blogs long enough to see you as an actor, an author, a husband ,and a father.This time you showed yourself as a man big enough to put right something that hurt your parents. This rates you alot higher in my book than ANY professional achievement ever could.

Wil,

I think you learned a valuable lesson, and I commend you for making amends.

Personally, I am "middle-of-the-road" and I think there is too much hatred on BOTH sides. There is so much distrust. They refer to each other as "liberal" or "conservative" like they're epithets.

I think we should all agree to disagree and work together to make this country even greater than it is.

Wil, I can only imagine just how hard this has all been for you. I've had disagreements with my parents on many things (and pretty similar arguments), but never in public quite like that. I'm really glad that you did what you did - it was the right thing to do. I don't think my parents would be so forgiving if I made the same mistake. I envy you for having such a loving family.

The one thing I take from all of this is that if you love the people who care about you as much as they love you, political differences don't mean much in the end.

If only everyone could be so calm and rational in understanding each other.

Just, wow. Thank you for sharing this part of your family life.
Let the healing begin - for your family, and for our country.
Happy New Year, Wil.

Something just like this happened to me in college. I wrote a column for the university newspaper that, in my mind, was an accurate reflection of how the women in my family had always been altruists who put their husbands and families ahead of everything, including their own well-being. My perceptions were wrong, and my column really hurt my mother and father. My dad sent me a firm but compassionate e-mail explaining that the women I'd seen as doormats were really businesswomen and entrepreneurs. It took a long time for me to stop feeling badly over it.

If the world had more honest and down-to-earth people like you, Wil, we wouldn't appreciate you nearly as much. Does that make sense?

Wil, you have done an admirable job of setting the record straight. Too many people just blow off the mistakes they make, and don't take responsibility for making them, or for trying to correct them. The most important thing a mistake like this can do is show us what not to do in the future, and I'm sure that this lesson, however painful, is one you won't soon forget. That, my friend, will make you an even better, more considerate person than you already are.

Heya Wil,

You made a mistake, but you took the steps to correct it, a step that some would not do. I am proud of you.

Mike

Ah, Wil. This must have been so gut-wrenching a time for you. For people that think that political things don't matter to each and every one of us on a personal level, your story should serve as a needed wake-up call. I think you did the right thing by publishing your story at Salon, and the right thing here by rectifying your mistakes. Strong families forgive and grow as a result of things like this; most of us don't usually act as much in the public eye as you do, but I think we can pretty much all understand what you've been going through. thanks for being thoughtful, as always. It is what keeps people like me coming back.

My first time to comment on one of your posts.

I think the basic disagreement over politics or philosophy with your family is common enough. My wife and I are in roughly the same age group as you and Anne. We tend to be more liberal and rarely agree with most of our own family members, so we do our best to steer clear of any hot button issues during gatherings when possible.

What is uncommon in my opinion is that most people let these things pass while they begin to develop resentment or anxiety towards a family member with an opposing viewpoint.

You had the courage to reach out, begin to rebuild that bridge of communication with your parents and publicly set the record straight. You learned some things about your family and probably yourself in the process.

I would imagine that you'll be more cautious and better prepared to debate with your family in the future - and this can be an enjoyable thing. Plus you've learned something about the process of writing about people close to you and the power of your words.

You're all feeling a little raw right now, but this will pass. Painful as it was, good things can come of this.

Have a Happy New Year and keep up the good work.

Wil,

Well done.

What makes this blog so interesting is that you let us see you grow as a person in ways that many other bloggers would not. Bravo for doing so again!

Seems to me the real long-term lesson for readers is not so much about what it means to place family first (i.e., ahead of the blogging audience), but rather how important it is to avoid stereotyping others based on a few political positions they may express -- and yet how easy it can be to fall into that trap, even with those we love. I know I'll be adding this subject to my New Years' resolutions because of what you've written here. Hopefully other readers will be inspired to do the same.

As for you, Wil, remember Gary Gygax's useful distinction between intelligence and wisdom. Painful as this incident was, you're wiser now for it, and that's not a bad thing.

Bravo. The essay at Salon was fantastic, and this post was even better. You *are* a good writer--from someone who makes a living as a writer and constantly struggles with the question of "am I any good?" Keep writing, and keep being the kind of person who cares as much as you obviously do, both about "getting it right," and most importantly, about your family.

Thanks for the follow-up Wil!

The thing that still bothers me though is the raging epidemic of "Debate by Sweeping Declaration" that has choked off all serious political discourse in our country. Does your father honestly believe that Barbara Boxer gets up every day determined to see how much money she can take from the rich and give to the poor? The system can't function when people on either side of the debate treat each other as mortal enemies - every day it's "Liberals want to destroy America," or "Conservatives want to destroy America." No, neither of them do. They both want the very best for this country but have differing views on how to do it, and all the peripheral noise in the system (talk radio, biased media, etc) that emphasizes the differences makes it impossible to see the common ground, and makes it impossible to get anything done.

The other thing that bothers me, and I don't want to cast aspersions on your father - I lost my dad almost 15 years ago (and I'm younger than you) and I know the greatness that is the father/son relationship, but your father seems to be saying the same thing a lot of people are now saying:

"I don't like what Bush has done with our taxes. I don't like what Bush is doing with the immigrants. I don't like what Bush has done with Iraq. I don't like what Bush has done with the size of the government. But he's labelled a conservative so I support him."

Huh? In sports terms, this is like a Packers fan saying Brett Favre should be in the Pro Bowl, despite his nearly 30 interceptions and the Pack's 3-12 record.

I just wrote three long comments, then erased the whole thing because it seemed either callous or unfair.

And I realize that's the nature of blogs. While your writing is very good, we're not in your head and can't feel you or your family's feelings.

That being said, if it brings happiness to you and yours, I'm happy for you. However, it reads a bit like you're playing the part of the good son to your parents by backing down from your positions and recollections (i.e. FOX news during the election). Are you attempting to keep family peace, doubting your memories and feelings or really having your position changed? Or some of each?

More curious than anything. If I as a shadow have offended, think but this and all is mended: that you have read here a post of bots from far and near.

Wil, I'm a conservative that was a bleeding-heart liberal (voted Nader in 2000!) until 9/11, so I have an idea of what both sides are like. The sad truth is that neither side listens to the other. Read ten liberal and ten conservative blogs and you'll think you're accessing two different dimensions via broadband. Both will have facts, but both groups of facts are cherrypicked and combined with a lot of duckspeak* to make an unreliable mess. Talking to your family calmly and, really, kinda sweetly, was something that just doesn't happen in the media. I don't know how to fix it, other than getting a lot of kitchen tables and chaining ourselves to them until we talk.

* In the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell, duckspeak is a Newspeak term meaning literally to quack like a duck or to speak without thinking. Duckspeak can be either good or bad, depending on who is speaking.

Interesting post, two thoughts... one, the love and respect you have for your father came through in *both* essays, not just this one.

And two, I do think your dad's characterization of some of the liberal positions -- specifically Boxer and the economics of a democratic administration -- suggest that he has been listening to some of those folks more than he'd perhaps even like to admit to himself. It'd be fascinating to have this kind of insight into his thoughts on the conversation, as I imagine you made him think as much as he made you.

Congrats for having the conversation... I can't imagine it was easy. And thanks for sharing it with us.

That we all make mistakes and at some point disappoint those we love is simply a part of the human condition. What sets us apart is how you set it right. I cannot imagine a better way of doing just that than what I have read here.

Take consolation in knowing that you are now a better, wiser man than you were before this incident.

Dear Wil,

Please stop beating yourself up. You made a mistake about your parents--how utterly human of you! You eviscerated a member of your family over a political discussion; you're not the first. When my youngest was 16 and in her belligerent, rebellious stage (and when one's mother is a liberal pagan, where does one go?), she and I had a heated discussion about abortion and the right to life vs. the right to choose. For the sake of argument (she later claimed), she chose the Right to LIfe position. I, on the other hand, had had 20 years, more years than she had been on the Earth, to perfect my arguments for the Right to Choose, and proceded to eviscerate her. Did I feel guilty about it? Well, as a mother, yes, sort of, I did (and do, occasionally) feel bad about flaying alive one of the people I'd brought into this world. But as a liberal and feminist attacking a narrow-minded, conservative position of nonsense, I didn't have a qualm--and during the course of the argument, I was a liberal feminist, not a mother. My point is that in the grand arena of political discussion, shit happens. I appreciate the fact that your family discussion was made public by you, but, honestly. If I have learned nothing else from my English literature education, it's that one should *always* question the point of view presented. Your blog is told from your point of view, so your father is presented as you saw him at that time. Do I think that he's an hysterical, screaming monster? As a parent, I have to say, "no." Do I think that this is how he seemed to you *at the time* of the Wheaton Family Christmas Incident? As a person, I have to say, "yes." Do I think that this is how your father is, 24/7? Again as a person, I have to say, "no." I'm glad you had the chance to talk to your parents about what happened and to discuss their views and yours about an important issue; I'm glad you were able to better understand where they were coming from and that (hopefully) they were better able to understand your position. But hang the cross back up on the wall, sweetie; we can only report the truth as we see it at the time. It's a failing, but it's also what makes us human. And human is the best we can hope to be on this plane and in this life cycle.

Hey Wil,

Just another voice to let you know that your intial story and this follow up could pretty well be used as *the* example of how journalism (and interpersonal relationships) should work. Make the mistake and then own up to the mistake with clarity and brutal honesty. Sadly, our current age sees almost everyone (journalists, Politicos, CEOs) completely commited to a routine that invariably steers to *denial* or *ass covering* when they screw up. Believe it or not you are a *beacon* to the nerd legions. Onwards and upwards Traveller!

Wow, your parents sound awesome. It also sounds like they raised you well. Thank you for sharing this, all of this.

Wil,

Just out of curiosity, you made a comment in this post that sounded like you are opposed to socialism?

I'm not certain I'm reading that right, so if I'm not, forgive me.

If I am reading it correctly, I am curious what your oppositions to Socialism are.

Thanks.

Wil:

I have been down the same road with my parents and it typically has something to do with the differences on personal outlook in life. I have had numerous conversations with my parents about something I posted. I have even received the occasional, "...We taught you better..."

In the end though, we have agreed to disagree and part of being a son is occasionally stepping on your parents' toes. Part of being a parent is sometimes being shocked that your child would have the gall to demonstrate free thought that is different then their own.

Cheers for your honesty and willingness to talk it over with them. Try not to beat yourself up too badly for if your parents are as mine, love will conquer all.

-WTS

Wil-

For what's it's worth, I'm proud of you. I think we all are. I think it takes a lot of courage to let a world full of strangers into your life and your home like this. How much simpler would it have been to simply let it go and let everyone think what they wanted? I think you're quite a guy to step up to bat for your parents like that, even if, apparently, most people didn't perceive your dad like you thought they did.

You're a wonderful writer and I really look forward to reading what you have to say next. Thank you for showing the world that you're only human, and we all make mistakes, but it's the good ones who are big enough to admit those mistakes and correct them. Your kids have a fabulous role model in you. It took a lot of strength and willpower for you to get online and share your feelings with us. Thank you for letting us be a part of it all.

Happy New Year,
Shauna

There is *One* very good thing about being Human Wil...

*None of Us are Exactly the Same*.....

If we were...

My, My What a Boring World this would be...

Cheers, my friend...

Keith

Wil,

I read everything you ever post, you should know this, you've even gotten at least one email from me. I believe you have done a very noble and wonderful thing as a writer and a son to apologize to your parents. Sometimes we say things that we don't really mean out of anger or annoyance, and we can't really change what we've done... but we can atone for our actions.

The honest part is... every single day, you come and share your life with us... the good, the bad, the funny, the angry. And you're human. Believe me, I didn't see you being any worse before... but my respect level for you has gone up immensely (and it was very high already). I'm proud of you. Extremely.

I hope that you, Anne, Nolan, Ryan, and the pets had a great Christmas, will have a wonderful New Year, and I'll definitely be poking fun at that beautifully hilarious moment on I Love the 80's with you, the Snuggle Bear, and the hilarious squeaky voice. Have a good one, sir.

Amber

Gotta respect a man who stands up and admits when he's wrong. Even if he is a liberal. ;)

Wil,

I think you're realy overestimating the damage to your parents' reputation. You acted rashly, and have taken herculean efforts to a) admit your error, b) find out your parents' side of the story, and c) make it right as best you can.

When I read the story about Family Christmas, my first thought was, "Wow, I wonder if Dad reads the articles." My second was, "Sounds liek Will is ready to learn to listen to his parents from a new place."

Anyone who's paying attention gets to do that a few times throughout his life. We, as humans, do tend make up our minds first, and then see the evidence to support our ideas. A wise person (and I rank you as one, now) notices from time to time, and takes steps to clear the logs out of his eyes.

So, Wil, take heart. You've done a brave and wondrous thing. I can only imagine your relationship to your parents will grow stronger from this.

~~Scix

Oops -- an addendum, on the mixed memories of Fox News:

My advice: don't make too much of it, either way. As humans, we have an amazingly fictitious memory, and anything that seems imnportant to us at the time tends to become bigger: "always" or "never."

Likely, you saw Fox News at least once, it jibed with your idea of how the family was sliding into the Pits of Conservative Wingnutiness, and the little man who keeps your memory records added a few extra tick marks. This doesn't mean you're false, or crazy, but that you've come up against a sometimes startling truth: we make up 90% of our memories, and then categorize them as fact.

Your folks probably did watch Fox News once or twice, but as it was important to them to be clear that they were not influenced by Fox News, their little memory guys shuffled the Fox News File to a footnote on a back page.

One can insist on being right, or one can open up and communicate. Sounds like you and your parents chose the latter. Kudos, sir.

~~Scix

I applaud the balls it took to admit a mistake. For the record, I took that original post you made as a son frustrated with communication issues with his father (like I have with mine) and not a son condemning his parents for being wingnuts.

I think a huge part of the problem with this country is the fact that there are only two allowable viewpoints, and it seems we have to choose NOT the one we agree with, but the one we disagree with the least.

We need more choices.

That couldn't have been a podcast? That was a lot of reading for a blog ;)

Seriously though, very cool of you to set the record straight.

Wil,

To use a word my parents love, that took a lot of moxie. I (and I think most of us) have made mistakes and choices that have hurt the people I love, so please do not feel so alone in that. Your parents love you, that much is clear, and being able to have the dialouges that you did is a great thing. Too bad not everyone is so lucky.

It's too bad more liberals (and more conservatives) don't "dig a little deeper" before painting each other with such broad brushes and stereotypes.

I think, down deep, we're all Republocrats anyway. I mean c'mon...I'm a Republican but I want clean air and water, safe food, etc.

I too, like your parents, have been hurt by some of the "Republican bashing" that you have done in your blog. Hopefully, this experience will help us all to remember that we're not "right wing nuts" or "left wing wacko's" we're all Americans who love our country and just want to get through this life the best way we can.

Being a veteran of a few embarrassing arguments, I must admit that I saw the confrontation with your parents coming and I have been a little worried for everyone's sake.

I didn't think your dad was anything other than what you have always protrayed him to be - a very good person. I just kept in mind that in the middle of a political argument, ideals will make us all end up sounding more fervant than we realize. And we all remember things in a distortion.

I will be honest, though, you shouldn't have posted that disagreement. As much as I enjoy your openess, there is a time and a place for everything. I'm just very glad that you found a way to set the record straight.

And I am very impressed that you and your parents took the time to talk and show some respect for each other. That's the one real problem with political discourse today - a lot of people act like total jerks when they interact with someone of an opposing view. They think that just because they believe they are right - that they have the right to be disrespectful to the other person.

I'll be honest with you, I can be very nasty in a debate, but I usually make sure it's in a venue where debating is the expected response. Then it's a sport. But I *never* fool myself into believing that I am actually going to change the other person's mind.

Someone else commented that she feels it's her duty to viscerate those she disagrees with. That is wrong. Viscerating is an act of violence. Not that I'm against in the proper forum. There is a time and a place for everything. But towards another family member is not the time nor the place. It is nothing but a sign of an abusive person. You don't do crap like that to someone you love. You do what you and your parents did - you listen to each other and calmly discuss it, like secure and mature individuals.

Thank you for being an example to others who have no clue how to resolve thses issues. Anyone who can't respect your parents after this, aren't worth having the respect of.

Wil... not just kudos to you for being able to see what your actions wrought, AND to be able to talk with your parents about it. [Bravo.]

But also, bravo to your parents for being able to talk about it rationally and not be "old, set in their ways, stubborn, etc. old ____".

The young[ish] are not the only ones that make assumptions that make things bad or worse. All humans are well adapted to do that kind of harm.

Like I said, kudos to you and your parents for being able to talk it through, and reach a better understanding of what you each believe.

[Now, if only we could figure out a way to effectively "pay that forward", lol. Oh, I can dream.]

18 yrs. registered Orange County Republican.
1 yr. independant that voted Libertarian!

Excellent comments, Wil. It takes a lot to own up and do what you did. It's always good to have hearty conversations with our parents, we don't know how much they mean to us until they're gone. I'm glad to still have mine, but as both are in their 70's, I know the day is coming when one then both won't be there.

Enjoy them while you can.

The power of the printed word...ouch. It's so easy to feel like,in the moment, you're completely right. And then you realize in hindsight that you went over the line and of course it's out there...forever and like smoke, you can't get it back.

Kudos on lesson learned and doing what you could to set it right.

You may share some different views with your folks but it's great that you have such open communication.

I agree with the previous poster who said "enjoy them while you can." I've lost one and almost just lost another. They can drive you crazy sometimes (it's their job as much as it's yours) but there's nothing like the void of losing one of them.

Longest. Entry. Ever.

worth every word. Good form, Wil.

First - I read it all. All.

Second - You have an amazingly cool family, which you know, right? But I guess it's nice to hear other people saying it.

Third - All three of you, from the transcript, handled such a difficult conversation fantastically.

Fourth - Your mother ROCKS! No offence to you or your father, but she's brilliant! I guess kudos to your dad, and that's another reason why you're one of the luckiest people around. I mean:

M: We didn't raise you to agree with us.

Wow.

Wil,

Thanks for that fantastic posting!

A big part of how you got into this mess is that you have never really tried to understand the arguments on the other side of your political views. If you want to understand your father better and avoid insulting him in the future, you would do well to subscribe to some conservative magazines or newspapers for a while, long enough to discover for yourself what logical bases they have for their arguments. Then you wouldn't be so quick to assume the TRUTH is on your side and that the other side has been duped by emotional nitwits. Maybe you and your dad could trade gift magazine subscriptions. National Review for Mother Jones or whatever.

The whopper of a claim you made is that the death penalty doesn't deter. The modern consensus view based on the best econometric studies is that it does deter. To merely compare states with or without the penalty is silly; anyone who does that is searching for good propaganda rather than good evidence. What matters for deterrence is the chance that the penalty will actually be used, not whether it is a theoretical legal possibility. Besides, it's not an independent variable - a state with a high crime rate is more likely to institute tougher penalties than a state with a low crime rate.

Suppose you read the paper I linked to above and conclude that each execution deters around, say, ten murders. The interesting conclusion is that even if the state is wrong and executes a totally innocent person 1% of the time, you'd still be saving many innocent lives on net by having the death penalty. (Sure, a mistaken execution isn't reversable, but neither is a preventable murder!)

The intellectually honest anti-death-penalty advocate has to stand up and say "I am opposed to the death penalty despite the fact that it deters." Don't take the easy way out and assume all facts back up your prejudices. Sometimes they don't, and this is one of those times.

I'm not saying your dad was right to react as he did. He made the same assumptions about you that you made about him. He assumed that you were driven by emotion and groupthink just as you did about him. He got angry at you as a member of a group ("hollywood liberals") just as you got angry at him as a member of a group ("right-wing conservatives"). Maybe after this excellent conversation the two of you can go back to seeing each other as individuals and realize that you're a lot more alike than your group affiliations would suggest.

I've read your blog for quite a while now (though I admit to sometimes skimming the poker-only posts), though I rarely comment. I think I commented once, like a year or so ago. Honestly, that's because I'm rarely sure what to say, or by the time I come along, someone else has said what I was thinking.

This time, though, if someone else has said this, well--add my voice to the mix.

From what I've seen, you're a smart man. And yet (yes, there had to be an "and yet"), you provide a blanket statement, which according to your transcription your father called you on, and not only did you offer up no real evidence, but you backpedaled a bit when your father pointed it out.

Here's the original, from your transcription:

--D: Well, I don't know about the nationwide statistics, but since the death penalty was instituted in California, there have been twelve executions, and eight of them have been whites. So this blanket statement --

--M: And where was Mike Farrell then?

--D: --that it's only Blacks and poors are singled out is just wrong.

--W: Maybe not in California, but absolutely in the rest of the country.

Now here's how I read it:

--D: Well, I'm not entirely clear on national statistics, but I do know that here it doesn't work like that.

--W: Well--uh--so what? It's true for the rest of the country!

Come on, Wil. You're smarter than that. Now, mind that I'm not trying to "call you out," or any other stupid thing. You have a damned good head on your shoulders, and while I disagree with you on some things, like the death penalty, you don't seem to be pulling beliefs out of your ass or a crack pipe, so that reaction rather surprised me.

I can't and won't comment on your ability as a father, a son, a husband, or a man, because all I have is this blog to work from, this collection of letters on a glowing screen. I don't feel that that's really enough to truly judge anyone.

That said, what I've seen has generally been well thought-out when it's warranted (as in when you're in a serious and/or philosophical mood), so I don't think for a moment that that one moment undermines your position or anything else. It was just surprising to see a blanket statement defended rather than internally looked at when it was questioned.

Other than that--you're a good man, Charlie Brown. You seem to have a good family, and I as well as most (if not all) of the other commentors are glad you had the opportunity to sit down with them and calmly discuss such an emotional event. Politics aside, I as well as anyone know how hard it is to have a conversation with family after a rather emotional event.

I wish that dialogue could happen in my family, but umm yeah, this is why I can't write about personal stuff in my blog. I would write exactly what I felt to be true, my parents would see it, and then cut off all contact.

They raised me to see all people equally, to stick up for those who can't stick up for themselves, and to always question.

And yet, I'm the black sheep of the family for it. It wasn't always so, but ever since 9-11-01, my parents have changed... and not for the better.

We used to be able to have that open dialogue that you had. In fact, we loved to have a good old fashioned debate and it never became a fight.

Not anymore, and I've lost some respect for parents because of it, and I feel bad that I can't get it back.

I'm about as far right as you are left, and firmly ensconced in 'wignut' territory by your estimate, I'm sure. That said, this is why I still read your stuff, even when you go off in moonbat territory. You're a decent person, and you're not afraid to admit that you're wrong. Lefty or not, you're a good guy, and I appreciate that.

Funny, it never dawned on me until just now why those on the left have such a bizarrely venomous dislike of FOX and of Rush and simultaneously have such a skewed perception about how "/our/ views are based on facts and evidence, while /yours/ are based on emotion." There's a connection between those two oddities.

Your average lefty doesn't read conservative newspapers or magazines or books or have any conservative friends who do. Lefties do read liberal newspapers and magazines and books, but the only exposure they get to conservative ideas is the occasional bit of talk radio or television.

Talk radio and television aren't a good medium for conveying background facts. The arguments made by on-air pundits and personalities can only be convincing in context; they don't stand alone. You can get the necessary context if you listen regularly and do some homework, the equivalent of supplementary readings. Thus, people who have multiple regular conservative sources of information tend to find arguments on FOX or Rush convincing. But for those who don't, it's like an alien language is being spoken. You don't know the syntax, you don't have the vocabulary. Without a common understanding of how the world works, without acceptance of the axioms on which the proofs are built, it sounds like nonsense.

Rush, O'Reilly, and even Coulter might make an argument that is totally rational given their premises. If you disagree with the premise, you won't buy the argument, but they don't have the bandwidth to explain every premise to every new viewer every time. So the occasional non-conservative listener is left with the impression that the arguments are bad, yet is mystified that these bad arguments are somehow convincing people...

Wil,

I think the biggest thing here is that, you found out you screwed up. You sat down, and talked with your parents, and made it right. Poltics, Conservitive, liberal, and all that other BS aside, you did the right thing. And for that, there is no greater honor.

However you are potrayed at this point, dosent really matter. Family is more important than politics, an a helluva lot more important than talk radio.

I salute you for being the better man, and facing the music for your mistake. And that my friend, is what makes us all human.

Warm reguards,

Will Blackmon

This took courage and I commend you on setting things straight. Thank you for standing up for what you believe in and admitting when you make a mistake. More people should do this.

For the record I read the original posting as your reaction to seeing more a side you may not like from a man you admire. It caused you to overreact some.

Once again Thank you. I love reading what bits of your life you choose to share.

Demariana/Denise

We ALL make mistakes.

Some try to cover them up.

Some try to deny them.

Some try to blame others.

Only a few confront them, admit to them, and try to learn from them.

(It is in print = must be true = bullshit!)

Great post, Wil.

For what it's worth, I don't think you were wrong to write your previous essay. You've written plenty of blog entries showing what great people your parents are in general, despite that they've bought into some of the conservative talking points. You were right to be hurt at the way your dad unloaded on you in front of your family and I think you're an amazing person to go back and work it out with them the way you did.

I only wish I could have such conversations with my parents. They do buy into the Limbaugh/FOX trash all too often without sifting it for the propaganda.

Thanks for sharing this with us, Wil.

Wil:
You have finally gotten me to sign up to post. Been reading your blog for quite a while, and enjoying it. I don't agree with you all the time (I doubt there is anyone in the world that agrees with anyone else ALL the time, this DEFINITELY includes husbands and wives), but I appreciate someone who intelligently expresses their views. You do this well. A few points:

1. We all suffer from hoof-in-mouth disease, don't tear yourself up too bad because of it, take the lesson from it and move on.
2. Be SUPREMELY glad that your father is still around for you to talk to, I am coming up on the seventh anniversary of my father's death in about 2 weeks and I suppose I will never quit missing him--the pain dulls, but it never goes fully away. Talk while you can, there will always be something left unsaid....
3. I think the most important point that you made, politically speaking, was the one about the polarization of America by this administration. I have seen it in my family, at work, and even in the check-out line at stores. Intelligent discourse is something we all need all the time, and we definitely don't have enough of it to go around. This is disturbing....whether this is to be laid on the doorstep of this administration, the media, or who else in combination with them, I'm not sure, but we better straighten it out before it gets too bad.

As for the death-penalty (or prisons/the penal system in general) and a HOST of other things in America and the world, it's broken and we need to fix it, but until we can all talk about it in a reasonable fashion, it ain't gonna happen. Unlike all the genuises on talk radio, I don't have all the answers at my fingertips. Wish I did.

Great post. Moral courage like it took to do that doesn't grow on trees. Or talk radio.

In my early twenties I thought my parents were wrong about everything, too. When I reached 30, I realized how little I actually knew about the living of life, although I had a great deal more formal education than both my parents. Part of growing up (which most hotheaded, arrogant, un-researched, whacko libarals REALLY need to do) is learning those realities that our parents came to know about the time we were born. Our job, as their progeny, is to respect their opinions and to search for our own. We shouldn't GLOM onto whatever happens to be the talking point of the day from either side - liberal or conservative. Personally, I'm thrilled that Fox news and the talk radio wingnuts exist. I'm educated in business - marketing specifically - and for every yin there needs to be a yang. In that EVERY other stinkin' media outlet (especially those on network television and free radio stations everywhere) in the country seems to be teetering on the edge of the left side ready to jump off the deep end any second, it doesn't bother me at all to hear the opinions of conservatives with their toes hanging off the right. Somewhere closer to center is where the majority of the educated public needs to find their niche. Wil Wheaton - standing a bit too close to the teeterers on the left - and his parents - standing between the edge and the fulcrum on the right - form a perfect picture of two perspectives: people needing balance (younger ones or unmedicated bi-polars like my brother) and those who've found it (Wil's parents and mine).

It was really brave of you to follow through with this. Not everyone would, which is what makes you such a good person. Yeah, you screwed up, but you took responsibility for your words even though it was painful. Take care.

Earlier this week I saw Jennifer Garner on a daytime show (Martha, if you must know). She was still pregnant, and entirely cute and peppy. What struck me was that she was so *human*. She made snarky little comments, and got genuinely excited about things like baby food and changing tables. It made me happy to send my money her way when I watch her on TV or in movies.

I know you're so much more than an actor now, but you're still one of those "famous people" (insert dramatic music here). So to see you be human, and make mistakes the rest of us make is heartening. In your first article you set out to share what you thought was a common phenomenon - how people of our generation connect with our parents less and less. And I think you accomplished that in your second article. You showed that parents are human, and children are human, and if we're all going to get along then we have to take the time to really listen to each other.

Thanks for that.

Hi Wil.

You have some fantastic parents. That wasn't ever in doubt, of course; your portrayal of them here and in your books has never been anything but stellar. But for them to take the time with you to help clarify their positions is pretty special. I really appreciated what you did here. It's one of your best posts ever.

I was fascinated to read your original essay about your father, having witnessed some painful or embarrassing rants from my own father. But I understood that you and your father have a lot of love for each other, just like my father and I do. Daddy says strange things sometimes, things that if I tried to write about them online would elicit knee-jerk comments from people about my father and our relationship.

That said, I'm really glad to read this follow-up. I always knew that your family is every bit as human as any others. But this dialogue really shows more about all of you and where you're coming from.

Don't be too hard on yourself. And I hope you and your family have a good new year!

Good job Wil. Your family is right to feel proud of you. You didn't let your own pride get in the way of the truth. It's tough to write a blog and you have a lot of pressure on you as a writer. Sure, you want to report details accurately, but you also want some 'creative freedom' to spice things up and keep people reading.
Having read both the posts, I'm not so entirely sure you exactly misrepresented your parents (Dad) so much as left some important details out. The infamous post was perhaps more 'one sided' than you yourself would approve of in hindsight. Having read it, I got the impression that your Dad was a 'follower' who jumped on a bandwagon without thinking through the issue himself. Obviously that assumption of mine was wrong and I apologize for making it. Just like we shouldn't read one editorial in the paper and form an opinion about someone, we shouldn't read one blog entry and form an opinion of someone.
I think all the people who read your blog really enjoy your 'family stories' and read with interest the family dynamics playing out from day to day. The danger of this is obvious - inadvertantly insulting/misrepresenting/embarrassing/etc. your family members. This was one of those cases.
Wil - you weren't the only one who learnt a lesson here. I think the readers of your blog (myself included) also learnt a lesson. Don't judge a man by one blog entry :)
You have set the record straight. It took courage to do that. You could have been stubborn and cared more about your 'image' than about your family. A surprizing number of people would.
I do have one fear. Don't let this 'bad experience' prevent you from sharing openly with us like you did in the past. I fear this experience might make you more cautious. Less willing to write anything about anyone that might be taken the wrong way. Your readers (and I'm sure your family) wouldn't want you to become too 'careful' in your writing. We are all in good hands knowing that you have the integrity to admit if you are wrong or biased, etc.. Keep up the good work into the New Year Wil. From the conversation you had with you're parents it truly does seem that you are blessed to have such a loving and supportive environment. Damn, if everything were any more perfect, I'd be tempted to call you guys the Brady Bunch ;)
You're an inspiration Wil. keep it up.

You're a good man, Wil. A good man.

Wil,

I think you have a done a fine job in representing your family. Its difficult to admit when we have screwed up, especially to our parents and I commend you for your honesty and humility about the situation.

Its actually kinda nice to hear other ppl of my generation lock horns occasionaly with their parents regarding contemporary issues in society.

Yours is the death penalty, mine is Gay Marriage rights. I live in Canada and its become legal here. I have always felt that there are much bigger things to concern ourselves with than two ppl who love each other and want to be bound together legally and recognized as such, regardless of their choice of partner. My parents on the other hand are not supporters of this belief, so the disagreement continues.

Anyway I just wanted to tell you not to beat yourself up over this too badly. Having met your parents many moons ago on a Star Trek cruise I can honestly say they were both warm friendly ppl and not raving lunatics, despite what anyone might think.

Cheers

Wil, when I read the original essay I smiled. It reminded me of an epic argument I had with my grandfather when I was a bit younger. It has taken years of hard knocks and daily living to realize that while his articulation was crude, there was some wisdom to his words. We all reach a point in our adult lives (I'm not talking adolescent angst) were we look at our parents and are horrified by how they have changed -- when in reality, they tend to progress as times dictate and as it affects them. We ignore that we also evolve but at a different pace and with slightly different stimulation. The folks that chose to make derogatory comments will jump at the chance to, instead of adding to dialogue adding to diatribe. Fuck them! I think it was clear that you respect and love your parents but were left at a loss regarding their "newfound" conservativistic views of the world. Your instinct was right, your methods not so much. It took a misunderstanding to get you and the 'rents to sit and discuss some of these issues together. They still love you and life will go on, despite the regret you feel now. If nothing else, you have shown the world that it is possible for both sides to sit and talk like rational human beings and share ideas, even if ultimately they disagree at the fundamental core. Your parents did a magnificent job with you! Finally, despite the discomfort this event caused you and your parents, think of the learning curve for Nolan and Ryan who get to see first-hand that love and respect trump hostility any day. This is ultimately a good thing and great one to share. If /this/ doesn't open up dialogue, nothing ever will then!

Have a happy new year all!

Wil,
I have been in that situation more times than I care to count.. so I know how you feel. I think part of you was trying to rationalize to yourself why your dad would act like that... because you were hurt by his response. Yes, you should have run it by them before it went out.. but I am glad that you had a chance to sit down with them and talk things out. That is whats most important. And I can very much relate to the comment you made about feeling that usually it was just best to NOT talk about politics.. that is exactly the stance I take with my husband because he is also a conservative and he makes comments that I just can't believe come from the mouth of the man I married sometimes... and despite my desire to discuss what he just said.. I have learned that it is pretty pointless...He comes from a long line of conservatives that worked for the goverment in high levels for many generations.. there is really nothing I can say to make him understand why I feel differently.
I envy the fact that you can talk to them the way you do.. I have never been able to do that without it ending up with them screaming at me. *shrug* so I gave up trying to discuss my views with any of my family because I am pretty much the only non conservative in my family.
You are very lucky that you at least can discuss your views rationally... perhaps not all of the time.. but at least some of the time.

oh.. and Happy New Year. :)

Wil,

While I understand that you totally respect your parents and don't want to show them in a bad light, I still think you made a valid set of points in your original essay. The so-called conservative has become this knee-jerk bully who is intolerant of other people's beliefs or values.

I consider myself a progressive liberal; I believe in the death penalty, but only if it can be fairly applied. I believe in gay rights. I believe in equality for all people despite thier ethnic or economic background. I also believe in less government, and being fiscally responsible and not giving people a free ride, but a hand-up.

Yet, there isn't a week where I don't have someone yelling in my face about how I am wrong, and how I'm some kind of liberal idiot or conservative fascist. And it takes a lot to bring them from this temper tantrum to a point where we can discuss the situation calmly and intelligently. In fact, a lot of people can't even accept it when I drop the arguement and try to walk away because at some point its not even worth it to try and discuss it with someone who is screaming in your face. As your father did with you.

You may have written your essay in anger, but it was completely valid and you do not have to try and explain away your guilt for disagreeing with your parents. In fact, if you hadn't written the article, would they have taken the time to sit down and discuss the situation?

Anyway, don't get me wrong, you are still on my daily reading list, and I hope to see you continue well into the future.

Have a happy new year.
Keith from Boston

I never really felt your original essay was entirely about your respective beliefs, but how you and your dad felt about your mutual reactions to each other's opinions. I still feel that. And I feel even more strongly how good it is that you and he have such good communication with each other that you were able to discuss it and get your feelings on the incident out in the open even without swaying the other person to your side of the argument. This is rare and wondrous.

Yes, you reacted to the family Christmas incident in a very emotional way and reported the incident as *you experienced it*. Clearly it was a great shock to you. But I also can't imagine many people who'd like to see the story of how they totally lost their temper in print, either.
You handled the after math in a wise and rational manner, by conversing with your parents and reporting the conversation directly.
We live in a scary world right now and our generation will be dealing with the repurcussions for a very long time.
My family *Doesn't Talk Politics*. We're too different. They lived through a world war, and their parents survived the Great Depression. We, raised in prosperity and security, cannot understand their world or their mindset. They, watching us grow up in these times, then having all that security ripped away in one morning, don't understand our reactions (they either lived at the time of Pearl Harbor, or grew up just after it).
I don't know what my point is, other than to say that I understand your emotional reaction, and admire your consequent rational action. I enjoy reading your blog and will continue to do so. Especially because you post real life and not pre-digested pap calculated to get a reaction.

First, you're a bigger man than me to take the amount of time that it must've taken to transcribe all that. Or did you use some type of software to do it for you? If so, what?

Second, I read the piece while my parents were guests in our home over the holidays. My impression of my father over the last couple of years is that he's also turned into one of these pod people. He made at least one comment to reinforce this impression while he was here. However, we did not have a moment such as the one that you described and I probably would've reacted as you did if it had occurred.

I printed out the Salon article and almost showed it to my parents. In the end, I opted not to do it and, having read a fair portion of this post, I'm glad that I didn't. I would like to have the sort of sit-down discussion that you had though. I think it'd be useful. Unfortunately, my parents live too far away to make it easy to do.

Anyway, I think you set things right with this post and you achieved your main goal with the Salon article, to foster better dialog between people with different viewpoints.

*hug*

there you go being a stand-up guy about it. my god, how will the excessive polarization of political discussion continue with actual communication going on? bah!

but seriously, good to hear. thanks for telling us.

Fabulous post, and the original essay was wonderful as well. It's
really ringing true to me this week, as I've been engaged in a very
raucous debate with my own father regarding the war in Iraq, Bush's
wiretaps, and this administration in general.

Like you, I'm often amazed at the sea change in my father: from the
nicest guy you'd ever meet, who used to invite my friends for a meal
every time they came by the house; to a raging lunatic who sends me
Rush Limbaugh quotes. Unlike your parents, my father DOES watch Fox
News.

I love that you wanted to give your parents a chance to explain their
side of the story; and your heartbreaking guilt at how they responded
to your original essay shows what kind of man you are.

But your original point was valid and remains valid: conservative talk
radio and Fox News have destroyed civil discourse in this country.
They've absolutely massacred it.

I can't have a civil, intelligent conversation with my father about
any political issue anymore. Because all he can do is parrot the FNC
talking points like the dumbest person alive. And what baffles me is
that he's not dumb; he's one of the smartest men I know. He's also
one of the kindest, but when we're talking about the Iraq war, and the
number of civilians killed, he doesn't care. "Kill 'em all," he says.

Now, my father has always been a Republican. He served in the Navy
and works for a defense contractor, so it sort of comes with the
territory. But the vitriol in his arguments has increased, just as
his logic and capability for rational political discussion has
decreased, over the last 10 years. It's been a noticeable change that
worsened and solidified during the Clinton years.

I'd never seen my father hate someone until Bill Clinton came along.
I'd never imagined that my father could feel such fury for someone
he'd never met, someone who'd never done anything to him personally,
never harmed his family. But the hatred he felt (and still feels) was
artificial. It was created by talk radio and installed in him by Rush
Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Ann Coulter (shudder).

So, I just want to thank you for writing what you wrote. Perhaps your
characterization of your parents was over-the-top, but you've now set
the record straight. I admire you for that, and I envy you for the
rational, calm political discussion you were able to have with your
parents to straighten things out.

I could never have that kind of conversation with my father. And so,
just this morning, I did something that's very hard for me to do: I
let someone else have the last word. I wrote my dad back and told him
I wasn't continuing the debate. There's no point, and I'm sick of
banging my head against a brick wall.

I have to learn to not debate politics with my father. It's a losing
proposition. Neither one of us will be able to convince the other;
and truthfully, the more we debate politics and I see how blinded he
is by the wingnuts, the less I respect him as a person. So I have to
learn to talk weather, football, his upcoming
granddaughter....anything other than politics.

Anyway, thanks for writing. Great, great stuff.

Your dad is clearly a smart man, but seems to have fallen into the ideological trap many people fall into (right or left).

He remembers his party as representing "conservative" values and he wants that to hold sway in government. The problem is his party doesn't represent those anymore, but he's unwilling to believe the other side would be better at this point. The whole "bitter with the sweet". What sweet is the republican party giving these days to someone of your dad's mindset?

Smaller government? No. Less taxes? No. Peace? No.

If he actually looked at the things he cares about and which party has done more in the way of forwarding those concepts, he might change his mind. He won't though, he'll stay his course because the older you get the less apt you are to change, and hope his party comes back to the ideals it had way back when.

There was a time I felt more at home with conservative planks, ones about small government, funding local social programs, fiscal responsibility. I was never keen on the whole christian fundamentalist thing that's taken over the republican party. I'm sort of without a party now...picking the lessor of the evils each time.

Wil,
You did a beautiful thing by being so considerate of your parents' feelings. But you shouldn't feel so badly for having originally expressed yourself. People are going to think whatever they want, no matter how neutral you try to be when telling a story. Had you said, "Okay, everybody, let's all hate my dad now, and here's why . . . ", then I could see the need for some serious penitence.

But you just made a mistake, like all humans do, and you faced it like a man.

As far as opposing viewpoints go, I can relate. I'm a Liberal living in Texas . . . enough said.

Thanks for posting this, Wil. Your parents sound like wonderful and thoughtful people. Kind of like mine!

Wil,

You have good, strong ethics, and you are a careful and responsible son for setting the record straight and fixing what you might have broken. For that, I'm proud of you, even though I have no cause to claim that I even have the right to be proud of you. But I am, anyway. It's good stuff.

At the same time, I urge you not to let the dynamics of the situation (familial ties and obligations, guilt from hurting or disappointing parents, shame in front of children, all those things) change your committment to the ideals you hold dear.

Yes, you had a very public fight and opportunity to both break and fix things with your parents, which you handled with aplomb, but the fact is, it was going to happen in some way given your political differences with your parents and your chosen profession. I know you are very committed to doing the right thing and to fixing things that are broken. You are also a very articulate speaker and writer about things many of us hold dear. Please don't let your familial ties keep you from having your own opinion. I know you'd scoff at the idea that they could, but I urge you to think and step carefully in the near future, when the pain of the clash you had with your parents will still be very present in your mind and heart.

Just keep thinking for yourself and articulating that, then give it an editor's pass to make sure you don't hurt the people you hold dear in ways you don't intend, but please don't let that pain stifle your voice - it is so very important to me.

Thank you for all you've done in this life. It's very important to me.

M

Wow, man. This is the kind of thing that would seriously make me feel sick to my stomach for awhile. Maybe years, whenever I thought of it. If (or when) it does, and you cringe internally with the memory, just remember that you tried to set the record straight and that your parents still love you, and take a few deeep breaths.

No, it won't help all that much, but it gives you something to do.

We fuck up, and we hurt the people we love sometimes. It sucks, but we go on. Good on you for taking the time to talk this out with your parents.

I won't comment too much on the awesome-ness of this post, others have done that. I want to leave two other comments:

1) Your recollection of FOX News being on all the time is due to a statistical error: you didn't sample frequently enough - so you got a distorted picture by only looking at infrequent measurements. Unless you were at your parents house nearly every night at the same time, you didn't have enough samples to "measure" what was on "all the time" at their house.

2) You, and your family, are the kinds of people this country needs most: people who think about their political positions, and only take a position after they've done that. I imagine that you lean conservatively on some issues, maybe, and liberally on others. Your Mom certainly seems to do so, and while your Dad is more conservative, he also is thinking about his positions. They passed that on to you, obviously. The true wingnuts are the people on either end of the political spectrum who don't think, but just react immediately that the "other side" is wrong. We shouldn't have "other sides" in our country, but rather reasoned debate and discussion, like you and your parents. You should all run for Representatives from California, it'd do the country good to have alll three of you!

Wil,

I know you feel bad about hurting your parents and I think it's awesome that you've gone to such lengths to make things right, it takes a lot of guts to do it all out in the open like this too.
That said, I would say you're a little hard on yourself here, you are a writer, not a journalist. A lot of what you write reflects your percptions and feelings, and that's the way it should be. Right or wrong (Or left, as it were) if you felt the way you did and percieved things as such, then your portrayal was true to your experience. Now that perception has obviously changed because of the subsequent events, and that's a great thing, it was obviously a painful process but a happy ending.
Please, don't second guess your perceptions and your feelings even as the journey you take changes them, if you second guess yourself too much you'll lose the magic that makes for great writing (And great reading for all of us)
Peace and prosperity to your family and cockpunches to the shit talkers !!
Happy 2006 Wil.

I'm so glad you posted this! I too think it's sad that politics can interfere with family relationships. I have had similar exchanges with my own parents over the last several years. However, they are liberal democrats and I am middle of the road, leaning to the right. I actually found myself agreeing with most of what your parents said. I find myself leaning republican for the reasons your dad said toward the end of the conversation. I can tell that my parents are disappointed in my political philosophy, and they don't understand how it happened, but they are the one's who raised me to form my own opinions and make up my own mind. I'm also glad you seem open minded and don't think a particular political party defines people's every thought and action.

PS - a liberal (I listen to both sides) talk show host in Seattle did a show on your Salon article, I wonder if she will mention this?

Don't feel you have to resign, Wil- we all make errors in judgement, and it's the people who own up to the error and take responsibility (and apologize) who help the rest of us to do the same thing. It's a great example for, say, politicians and businesspeople who all too sadly shuffle blame (cough cough Enron...).

The political discussion was interesting, and it's good to acknowledge that you can love someone who totally disagrees with you- you can learn from them without changing your view. Maybe if we all had this sort of calm discussion with those who disagree with us politically, we'd stop with the stupid Red State/Blue State division that seems to be spreading us apart.

What didn't seem to get acknowledged was that your dad did lose it on you in front of your wife and kid- and that's something that adult children seem to suffer- reminding your parent that they wouldn't yell the same way at, say, a non-related adult of the same age as you. It's frustrating as hell when a parent loses sight of the fact that you're an adult and deserve the respect of one in any disagreement.

That aside, this was a thought-provoking essay to end 2005. I'm sorry for your family's pain, and I hope you grow stronger together- it sounds like you already are.

Thanks for all the great writing, humor, and sharing, and happy new year to us all!

It's funny, but when I ready the first article, the 10-year-old in me kept thinking, "Ooo! He's gonna get in trouble!"

Everybody makes desicions that they later wish they hadn't. It doesn't invalidate your point of view or theirs. None of what's going on with the current administration can't be solved (or really, even summed up) in a single article. Nothing so simple, human nature won't allow it.

What really matters is that you and your parents are still friends.

Wil,

It takes a man to correct his mistakes and I highly respect you for it. Just a quibble however: you mention that proponents of Capital Punishment rely on emotion to justify their position and opponents, facts. You then make a comment that California's statistics are anomolous (12 executions with 8 of them being white) as compared to the rest of the country. It turns out that you are mistaken. Of the 1004 executions that have taken place since the reinstatement of the death penalty in 1976, 579 have been white, 339 black, 63 latino, and 23 other. That is very close to the same ratio as California. The stats can be found at http://www.deathpenaltyinfo.org/executions.php . The other quibble is that I am firmly middle class with a high 5 figure income and my tax rate is 2% LESS under Bush than Clinton (I looked up my past returns this morning to verify this).

Although I am probably closer to your parents politically than I am to you, I heartily applaud your call for rational discourse when discussing policy and politics. Without the ability to discuss problems and find compromise solutions we will never make progress.

Thanks for your writing, your podcast, and your honesty and integrity.

MWB

"None of what's going on with the current administration can't be solved..."

D'oh! Pardon my inability to proof my own posts.

I've read your blog for quite a while - I never thought your folks were 'wingnuts', I just thought it was nice to come across a family that actually had debates and discussions rather that just living in little bubbles isolated from each other like many families seem to these days.
You sound like a great family who have respect, openness and the ability to thrash things out when need be.

I have come to believe two things which I believe are important and relevant here.

First, reasonable people will disagree about matters of degree or emphasis *much* more often than they disagree about matters that are black and white. If people disagree strongly, it's usually because they see something in black and white that's been oversimplified, and there's probably a middle position that would satisfy both of them, but they can't see it.

Second, everyone looks at the world through "filters", and no one person can observe the entire world in its natural form. Many liberals believe that if people take part in a reasonable discussion, they will eventually reach an agreeable consensus. That's not actually true, because everyone is observing the world through slightly different filters.

We should all continue to have reasonable discussions with our friends, and especially with our loved ones. We should *not* expect that we'll come away with a consensus, or finally figure out the "right" answer. But, it's still important to have discussions because it gives each of us an understanding and respect for people who disagree with us.

I applaud you for having the courage to really talk to your parents, even if the way you got them to the table was inelegant. Let me also say that the reason I read your writing is not because you say things I happen to agree with; it's because I love to read sincere expressions of other people's thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Talk radio is often guilty of summarizing things into over-sharp clarity that loses sight of the reasons behind the views. Whatever YOU are guilty of, it's certainly not that.

Thank you.

Two comments regarding issues mentioned in your post:

1. Regardless of how hard they think they've worked, no one who makes more than $100,000.00 a year has worked any harder than the majority of people who make less than that. Their contribution to society is certainly no more. To say that anyone "deserves" to be wealthy more than anyone else is absurd and arrogant. Do you feel you have worked less hard than any of the actors who consistently make millions of dollars up-front on movies? Do you think they have contributed more to society?

2. Regarding the death penalty: It's neither retribution nor revenge. It's simple common sense.
First, anyone who deliberately takes another's life out of anything other than self-defense does not deserve to live. They are a detriment to society.
Second, economics is an issue: why should society pay more than most people earn just to keep these people in jail? Regardless of how you feel about the conditions, they don't have to worry about whether there will be a roof over their head, clothes or food to eat. That's all supplied, and they don't have to do a damn thing to earn it. Considering the number of homeless in this country, it is unconscionable to spend so much money in that way.
Third is an aspect that I've never seen discussed: many of the people in jail actually THRIVE in that environment. Just because you and I wouldn't do well doesn't mean that they don't. Some people are both violent and incapable of functioning without the rigid structure that jail provides. In jail, they are told who they are, what to do, and when to do it. They don't have to think for themselves or worry about how to deal with society. Putting them in jail simply concentrates and organizes the evil.
Last, but not least: rehabilitation in jail is a myth. Individuals either belong there or they don't. The few who are "scared straight" would not have been repeat offenders anyway, and the rest keep offending, whether they get caught or not.

Wow... what an amazing post. Was it long??? I hadn't noticed, being so enthralled in the reading of it. You are a wonderful writer, Wil.... thoughtful and inspiring.

If I were your parents, and I am about their age, I would be extremely proud of you. Your willingness to confront this learning experience under the watchful eyes of your public was extraordinarily brave.

If you look up courage in the dictionary, if your picture isn't next to the definition, it should be - "the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty or pain without fear" - You approached this full-tilt, despite the knots in your stomach. You encourage each of us to be more like you and your parents.... better people. Congrats.

Well done, Wil. Your conversation with your parents parallels a realization I've been coming to over the past year, which is that we're all people with (mostly) well-founded opinions. It's so easy for those of us on one side to villify those on the other, and I used to find myself portraying all conservatives as evil or crazy. I have friends who still do, but the difference is that now, it bothers me a great deal. Your attempt at discourse on the personal level is one that should be mirrored in our society at large... what, I feel, is largely missing from talk radio, and even from the news outlets that take statements out of context and give us tiny bits of information that don't tell the real story. Issues are complicated, as are our individual opinions. Thanks for telling such a personal story, with embarassment and all, and for trying to facilitate a real discussion. Putting our anger and preconceptions away, and asking real questions about why people think in the ways they do, is the only way we'll ever make progress. Bravo.

I applaud your willingness to stand up for your convictions and your values. It is evident that not only do you have the bravery to state publicly when you are wrong, but also to make restitution when you have wronged someone.

This is something both you and your parents should be proud of. You have developed into the kind of person they seem to take pride in - and you reflect the values that they instilled in you.

It doesn't matter that your political views are different from theirs - it only matters that they taught you honor and integrity, and you show it in what you do, and how you deal with mistakes.

We all have disagreements and misperceptions of our parents and other family members. The only real mistake you made was making your's so public without giving them a chance to represent themselves. It might not matter as much if you didn't have such a following but in this case it came back to bite you in the butt. I admire you for how you handled it. Clearly your parents forgave you. You've learned a valuable lesson and made an effort to make amends and learned alot about your parents in the process. Now it's time to forgive yourself. Quit being so hard on yourself.

We all make mistakes, some of us make them more publicly than others is all.

Yeah Wil, unfortunately my computer has issues with accepting Salon's daypass, so I couldn't read the article, but I can understand how you feel. In one of my first attempts at journalism in it, I totally misrepresented and was flat out wrong on some parts about gubernatorial candidates who had spoken to my College Democrats club in an attempt to win its endorsement. I practically got browbeaten by the wronged candidate (who I definitely was not endorsing) and issued a correction and questioned the state of my blog. This may seem a bit petty, but it's just to know that big and small the mistakes can feel hard all around, and I feel for you.

I hope your post here was as catharthic as my state of the blog post was for me.

I didn't comment on your Christmas article, Wil, because at the time you wrote it I was reading "Just a Geek". I had a strong premonition that eventually you were going to wish that you really *were* a Time Traveler, so that you could go back and retract that particular piece. Your earlier prose shines with the love you bear for your family members, and I knew that given a bit of time to calm down and lick your wounds, you were going to develop a more balanced point of view.

I'm glad that you did so, and that you were honest enough to present that process to your readers.

Like your parents, I suspect that there are a few things you might end up regretting about this article as well. But I think that's part of the process that comes with the decision you've made to be honest with your readers and yourself. 'Warts and All' is, by definition, not always pretty. But we don't learn much from pretty, either.

You could choose to only write things that are upbeat and Nice and Fun - there's a place for that sort of writing (and reading). But it's not particularly meaningful. It's not the sort of writing that stays with us.

It takes a strong person to present himself as flawed, and to admit his mistakes. You've proven that you have that sort of strength.

I know that you are sincere in your regret for the mistake that you've made - but now I hope that you'll challenge yourself in another way, and be strong enough to accept that mistake and your own sincere feelings, learn what you can from them, and then lay the shame you are feeling aside.

Remember that those self-flagellating monks in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" didn't accomplish anything through their self-blaming behavior - they blinded themselves to the world around them, and fell/jumped pointlessly into the ocean. Not the sort of thing your parents would be terribly happy to see you emulate.

Live, learn, make mistakes, get messy, slap your forehead and exclaim 'D'oh!' - and then keep going and make your parents proud.

I still suspect your mom thinks everyone should be so lucky as to have a son like you.

Excellent writing, Wil. My gut wrenched for you and your parents as I read it.

I'm not going to take issue with any of the political positions expressed by you or your parents, because I don't think that is the point of the post. What I saw was a demonstration that the both of you could discuss politcal hot topics in a calm, rational and reasoned way. Your dad sounds awesome and your mom rocks too.

We feel bad when we hurt people we care about, and we should. You are a big person to make amends in this way.

I hope everyone who posted harsh assumptions about your father will post apologies as well. Your original post misrepresented them, but it didn't sanction open season namecalling either. Anonymity of the web and all that.

Best wishes to you and your whole family for the holidays.

Wil, stop beating yourself up. You goofed, and your parents forgave you. You're hardly the first adult kid to mis-represent their parents - the only difference is how widely read your blog is compared to most people. Anyone that's read you for a while knows how much you love and respect your parents, and knows they did A Great Job with you, so we all knew to take your account with a grain of salt. It happens.

FWIW, Langer's book is really good, both for conservative parents, and their liberal kids. *wink* I gave a copy to my "surrogate mom", in the hopes that she'll let me know when I'm coddling her, and tell me to stuff it! (our expectations of others can become reality - see also Pygmalion in the Classroom)

The mean comments your dad saw were likely from the same crowd that jumps on every passing "I hate ____!" fad around, and unfortunetly read your blog that day. Reminds me why you've said several times that your posts would be "less personal" from now on...there's good and bad to posting personal things, but it's all learning, if you let be so. And clearly, you are learning. :D More proof of your parents' teachings sticking with you.

Wishing you great Joy and (much less painful) Learning in the New Year!

Wil, I liked your essay. You are a good man. In fact, you are a great man...only a great man can face a mistake, admit it to himself and to the people he may have wronged and make amends. It's too bad our current President does not fit into that category.

The one thing I have never been able to figure out is how true conservatives can vote for the current Republican President and his cohorts. They do not reflect true conservative values and never have. It's that disconnect that I think frustrates you and so many of the rest of us.

I am a small business owner. Things are bad and the Republican Party has not helped us.

Haliburton doesn't need any more tax breaks. WalMart does need any more tax breaks.

I'd rather feed someone, even though they may not have earned it, (Jesus fed people I don't recall Him asking any of them whether they earned it or not!) then put someone to death. Let he who is without guilt throw the switch.

All in all complicated issues. I repeat, you are a great man. I'm glad you talked with your family. I am glad you made amends.

Wil,

A couple quick things....

1. Anyone talking shit about your parents after your first post on this topic quite clearly missed the underlying tone of the post--that your parents weren't/aren't exactly the people you thought they were, and that THE SITUATION in this was made particularly clear to you threw you for a hell of a loop. Ignore the trolls.

2. As has been made abundantly clear over the past several years (both in your own posts and on the unfortunately rare occasions when Anne or your parents has posted), your relationship with your parents is one most people can only dream of. You and they will always have differences of opinion, but I have always had the impression that your relationship with your parents is far stronger than any of these minor roadbumps. And, y'know, I'm a doctor so I can say that sorta stuff and pretend to be somehow authoritative and crap.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Water, bridge, etc.

Oh...one other thing, Wil.

At least you didn't split a discussion with your parents into the "Admin" section of the blog, eh?

Ahem....

Nothin' to see here.... ;)

Wil,

Please forgive me while I use this space to clear my good name.

"MamaSlyth" stated that someone had posted that "she feels it's her duty to viserate [sic] those she disagrees with." She further stated that "[b]ut towards another family member is not the time or place. It is nothing but a sign of an abusive person."

As one who survived an abusive childhood, I find "MamaSlyth"'s comments offensive in the extreme. I'm willing concede that she is probably making those comments out of ignorance, yet I'm not so high-minded that I'm willing to forgive that ignorance and subsequent offensiveness. I *never* felt it was my "duty" to "vicerate" [sic] my daughter's arguments; my point was that in the heat of the moment, especially in a political discussion in which both parties have strong feelings, one is liable to say things for which she or he later feels some regret. Shit happens--even unintendedly offensive and ignorant remarks from people trying to make points with a third person.

I am sure, Wil, that you and your parents have suffered no greater rift in your familial relationship than I and my daughter did because of heated remarks made in a political discussion. And just to set "MamaSlyth"'s mind at ease, my daughter and I get along very well indeed these days.

Wil,

Wow! I don't typically read Salon, so I went back and read that article. I then read every word in this post. The true measure of a man is when he can admit his mistakes, and then take pains to correct them. You have far surpassed that qualification. Being a conservative (and having conservative parents), I don't agree with many of the political positions you have, but so what. As long as we can agree that we all want what's best for the country (I doubt anybody wants dirty air, dirty water, extinct species, etc.), then the debate will focus more on how to achieve those goals. That then becomes a productive debate, as opposed to an ineffective confrontation. Bravo on presenting your position, and then having the balls to go back and admit where you made mistakes. You have earned even more respect. Now, I'm still waiting for the next episode of Radio Free Burrito!

-iamhoff

I think you are being a little too hard on yourself. I think this is a universal problem with blogging about your own lives. Unfortunatly, unless you live and write in a vacume, you are also blogging about your family's life too. It is somewhat different than writting a memoir because you have time to edit and rewrite and sit on things before it goes out. when you are writing fast and on a deadline, you take shortcuts. Yes, you should have shown it to them first and had this discussion before the piece came out. The good and the bad about the Internet is that it is an opem medium and people can comment about things in a fast, glib and off the cuff manner and people do get hurt sometimes.

Wil, don't beat yourself up over this.

What I got out of your blog and article was your surprise over your father's reaction to your position on the death penalty and your concern for the quality of discourse in the United States these days... I didn't think your parents sounded like they were nutty, needlessly reactive Republicans. And I didn't think your dad was a bad man for having read what you wrote, either.

You've done what you could to set the record straight and give your parents a chance to have their voices heard. We all do things that ultimately hurt the ones we love - do you think that your article was more hurtful to your dad than his raging diatribe in front of Nolan was to you? You made a mistake, he made a mistake, and you've both apologized for it and moved forward in a respectful, generous way that will hopefully help you avoid misunderstandings like this in the future.

Talk about a healthy relationship!

Be as proud of yourself as your parents - and your readers and fans - are of you. Start 2006 with a clear conscience, at least about this - who knows what you DON'T blog about, right? ;-) You certainly should have a clear conscience after what you've done in this post.

oh, i know the feeling of having let down the people who have cared for you and loved you without question. it's hard, and as far as i can tell the guilt and regret doesn't lessen over time. the good news is that you really learn from it and most likely won't do it again. also, it sounds like you guys really used the bad situation to learn more about each other. thanks for setting the record straight and be glad for the wonderful family relationship you guys have.

When I read the original article, I took it at face value. Not that your parents were literally what you wrote but that you were mad, confused and upset. It was an opinion piece more about the changing of a mood of a day from one extreme to the other.

Kids views of their parents can change from day to day and minute to minute. I guess the whole retraction was good for you and your parents to do together and hopefully helped you out. In my opinion, I didn't think it was necessary. From the first article it was pretty clear that your parents were not uber-republicans headed for the hills to hide from the liberals, but your dad was upset about a certain issue and you felt hurt by it.

In my bar we have a rule - no politics, no religion, no race discussions. But then again, that's not being with your family but trying to maintain a peaceful status quo with strangers.

My other half and I also have a dream of moving to Montana but its the same as your mom's - so we can ride horses and just get away from the harried world for awhile.

As always, great writing. Thank you for both pieces.

A wonderful, open statement to us all about the love and respect you have for your parents. I only have one issue with the posting -- that the death penalty is wrong because of mistakes made. Although that is a compelling argument, I personally feel that a more searching argument against the death penalty is that if the State (Government) says it is ok to take someone's life, then why should the public feel any differently.

I know there is little hope of you actually reading all 104 + replies...

I think you did a noble thing, telling everyone that you ate some crow! That's part of growing up, man. We all have to do it from time to time. Just wait until you have to set the plate down in front of *you* kids.

Aside--I feel that you're take on "right wing talk radio" is laughable. And I really think you're a smart guy. To blame, however, only media that points to the right is to only see the image with one eye. Common, man! ALL media is crap! All. Of. It. I get the same uh-oh feeling listening to what few liberal talk shows that I do listening to Rush "Blow Hard" L. blather on about how democrates are on the same side as Sadam. Whatever. If you squeezed them all for what they're worth, you may get an ounce of truth, but not much more. It's media, dude.

I appreciate that you took responsibility for your crimes. THAT is something the media *never* does. You go!

I don't think this interview makes your father seem any more rational, but I didn't think he came off that badly in the essay either. Family gatherings and politics tend to make a wicked cocktail. Such is life. I'd hardly call the essay dishonoring to your family, especially considering how they are usually represented on your site.

As far as talking points, like Jon Stewart said "they're true because they're said alot." Even if a person doesn't listen to Rush or Air America, those talking points will probably filter down to them at some point. The problem, as I see it, is that Republican operatives understand this concept so much better than Democratic operatives do. Even if your parents don't listen to Rush, the message probably still gets to them. It's a phenomenon that I'd like someone to study closely.

Wil:

I like to think that things happen for a reason...

The fact that you got to sit down and talk like that with your parents and clear the air was a good thing. I think it took some backbone to do that, and I am sure that they respect you for it and the steps you are taking to correct their "bad name" .

I am sure that there are a lot of people out there (here?) that won't think all that badly of your parents no matter what you write (ok, if they twist the heads off little children or something...) because when it comes right down to it, they did one hell of a good job raising you. You wouldn't be the person you are today if they hadn't done a LOT of things right. Everyone can't be perfect on every level, but it sounds like your parents are ok on most of them.

We can agree to disagree. If we all had the same viewpoints, the world would be one BORING place!

Take care, happy new year, and lets hope that 2006 is a good one.

FSBirdDog

Wil:

Recognizing that your Salon article, and your original blog post that highlighted it, was highly politically charged, I elected not to comment on it here, and I shall still withhold comment on the issues of the death penalty or Williams. (In any event, my views on the subject have been amply documented elsewhere.)

However, in your article, I didn't feel that you were trying to disparage your parents or misrepresent their views. I felt you were highlighting the way that political differences tend to come out between family members at this time of year, simply by the fact that they're all in closer proximity to one another, and the way that that can clash with the spirit of what the holidays are supposed to be about. It's something I can identify with, having experienced it myself, and not just at holiday times, either. Ironically, the roles were reversed; I was arguing the conservative point of view against my parents, who were on the more liberal side. (I did have help from my wife, who in some ways gets more passionate about it than I do.)

I do think you've done the right thing in trying to set the record straight. I hope your parents appreciate the attempt, and I hope the word gets spread through the Net so that anyone who misconstrued your parents' views will find themselves enlightened.

As I write this, there's a little more than half an hour to go in 2005, Mountain time. I hope your 2006 brings you many new and better things than 2005 did.

It truly takes a lot of courage to admit the mistakes we make.

It takes even more to go back and try to undo the wrong, even though it'll be uncomfortable or painful to do so.

We can't always jump out of our own skins and rein in our tongue before it blows up and wounds someone, unfortunately. But we can use our words to try and patch up a person and put the relationship back together.

This is the first time I've ever commented on WWdN: In Exile, and I probably should have done it sooner. I think though, that this was a good first post for me to respond to, because I've gotten the chance to tell you how much I respect and admire you for the lengths you went to to pake this right. It's also pretty heartwarming to be let in to see the way the you interact with your family, which was definitely a clue into the inner workings and thoughts of the man that is you.

You've earned another reader, and not just because you're humorous or you got Annie to blog. It's because of the caliber of person you are.

Although shotgunning some Mad Dog never hurts.

Quick Note -

It seems like your blogs have been even better since in exile - good job!

There is a reason they say never talk about sex, religion and politics.

When you realize that the last two elections have been 50/50 and there are both red and blue states then I think you have to take care of what you post.

Not only could that represent half of your web audience, but also half of your book buying audience, DVD buying audience, etc.

Just because 90% of Hollywood thinks a certain way doesn’t mean the person casting you thinks that way too.

What if you were wanted to work on a project and you had posted something about someone tied to it (like Arnold)?

Everyone has a certain point of view. It probably isn’t worth burning bridges with your family, friends or audience.

At the end of the day we all have to put food on the table.

Just my two cents :)

Outstanding post, very interesting. You are fortunate that you have such intelligent and supportive parents. What is sad is that some kids have parents who are just like you portrayed in your original post, or worse. The fact that yours are intelligent enough to back up their ideals with rational thought is refreshing indeed.

While you clearly made a mistake in some of the comments in your original post, I think that many of your comments and observations about American society were valid. You may have mischaracterized the actions of your parents a little, but that would not have happened if your father had not flown off the handle as he did.

I think it is great that you are ‘man enough’ to accept responsibility for your shortcomings, although I think you were a little harsh on yourself.

Happy New Year

Wow. Great post! It is always interesting when your views differ with those of your parents. My parents are very conservative, as well. I wouldn't call myself liberal by any means, but I am a moderate. It always makes family visits interesting. Especially, since bother my dad and my brother like to prod me into aurguments of political nature. I've learned in recent years to avoid the discussions as neither of them can discuss the topic in a calm, open-minded manner. My mom is also conservative, but hates the arguments that used to arise when the topic came up. For her benefit, I just move on or change the subject without even responding to the pokes and prods. (Wow, it's windy here to day! I think I just lost some shingles.) You are very fortunate to have parents that can sit and talk with you about their view on politics. Actually, mine can do the same, I'm just not allowed to voice my views without serious backlash.

I'm glad that you were able to mend things with your family. My wife has not come home with me for the holidays for many years now because of the arguments that used to occur. Even though we don't have the arguments anymore, she knows it is because I can't express my feelings about my views. Because of this, I do not spend nearly enough time with my family anymore because I am torn between being with my wife or with my family on the holidays.

I truly love my parents and my brothers, but sometimes it is hard to cave in and not respond to stuff that I have strong fellings about. I'm glad you have found some resolution in your situation.

Don't be too hard on yourself, though. I know how it feels when your dad unloads on you.

I read your posts semi out of order -- started this one, then read the Salon article -- and finished this...in any case, I got a pit in my stomach for you somewhere in the middle of it all. It feels awful to realize that you've hurt someone you love, and almost as awful to start the process of repairing the damage. But once it's done...what a relief.

Wil, I feel that you have shown honor to your parents and wisdom in trying to correct an error of assumptions. It is easy to come to an incorrect assumption about another persons views and beliefs.

One thing I would like to point out, that sometimes is forgotten and taken for granted, everyone is entitled to an opinion or view. No one person is going to be perfect or have all the answers. The fact that people become worked up, agitated or even commented negatively about you or your parents view point shows how some people allow their views to be made up by others. The media (conservative and liberal and those in between) play on people's fears or and will attempt to make a scandal of anything to "bring in the viewers". A person should look at all sides and make up their mind.

The bottom line is that even though I might or might not agree with someone's opinion, what I relish in is the fact that we live in a nation where everyone is allowed to have an opinion. As you have shown in both articles, it is easy for people to become very passionate about a particular topic or political view. That passion needs to be directed into a rational conversation, such as you had with your parents. A simple conversation conducted in a calm and open manor, where all opinion are allowed to be heard, will almost always lead to understanding. It does not mean that they will change their opinion, but they might understand your position and hopefully respect your right to have your own opinion.

First: I must admit that I did not read all of your first essay. Now I'm glad I didn't.

Second: My only thought on your dad's explosive view was that he was very passionate about his opinion. That and: Where the heck did that come from??

A nice part two to the essay - I linked to the first, so I'll link to the second.

I do think you're too hard on yourself. Your first essay raised some legitimate and underdiscussed concerns about what polarization does to our families and our communities.

It's good that you can talk about politics calmly and rationally - sitting around the table after the fact. But the Gibsonesque meltdown occurred - and it's occurred to a lot of us. Perhaps your efforts (I wouldn't join you in calling them mistakes) will lead some to think in advance instead of trying to patch things up afterwards.

All in all, a very good service rendered.

Wil,

Just wanted to say you just won my respect, even though I'm sure I still disagree with you on loads of stuff.

What really counts is character, and you apparently have loads of it.

Wil -

I've been reading your blogs for some time now. I've always been something of a quiet blog follower, just reading and not really commenting on much, short of maybe a few poker posts. Part of the reason for this has always been the animosity you hold towards Republicans. I too feel like you never give true Republicans a fair shake, that you spout Democratic talking points, and summarily lump all non-liberals into the neoconservative nutso category. I agree with your dad...that kind of blind bias is just as bad as the people you decry so outwardly.

I'm probably very close to your dad in political beliefs. I consider myself a moderate-republican. I believe in many things you do not, including the death penalty and being pro-life. However, I also believe the rich tax cuts should be repealed, and I can't stand all the freedoms we're losing, digital and otherwise. I hate the fact the Republican party has moved away from "small government, fiscally responsible", but I gotta take the bad with the good. Frankly, I can't stand the candidates the Democrats are running. If they threw even a _moderately_ decent candidate up there, I'd vote for them, but they keep running senile fools like Gore. Kerry wasn't much better. I would have voted for Edwards.

In my life, my financial stability is most important to me, because it is what supports myself and my family. And I believe it is not true that the economy and country would be better under the Democrats. In fact, we owe ~50% of the taxes we pay now to the Democrats in the first place due to their insanely Communistic social programs (see the last paragraph of my slashdot post here for the numbers/charts: http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=171402&cid=14294608)

On that note, I'm voting democratic next election no matter what idiot they throw up there (and i'm almost sure it'll be some extreme liberal nutso too)...simply because I believe in checks and balances, and there no longer are any. It's bad enough the current day democrats are too spineless to fight for any important issue. The Patriot act should have been filibustered into non-existence, and instead we have yet another 6 month extension (probably soon to be 6 more after that).

At any rate, I've always respected you as a person. That's why I read your blog. And I really respected this latest post of yours. I just hope it leads you to think more on things in the future before rattling off talking points of your own. You don't win over people by preaching, and you alienate alot of people by generalizing them up along with a bunch of nutjobs. Extremists are just as bad on BOTH sides, and EVERYBODY thinks they're a fair person/moderate and/or "correct".

Happy Holidays to you and your family, Wil. May all the cards fall your way.

I've got to say, Wil, you may feel like crap for all that (and you should), but I'm glad you posted both stories. The bigger story (both stories put together) is better than one or the other, and affects me more deeply than either article could do on its own.

Good job.

Public defenders really get a bad rap...that one line in your lengthy blog was enough to perpetuate the very incorrect stereotype that public defenders are sub-par lawyers. I'm not critisizing you or your dad...I just want to set the record straight. Defenders, generally, and of course I can't say each and every one, are good lawyers who love criminal law and really, truly believe that everyone, EVERYONE has a constitutional right to a defense. These are lawyers who practice criminal law almost exclusively; they do it day in and day out. And they do it because they love the work, because they believe it is a good thing to do and because so few lawyers want to do it (it's certainly not for the fame or money). I've been a defender for 5 years and have never, EVER compromised the vigerousness of my work or defense because of who someone is or what the charge is. I am not naieve and I do not believe my clients are all innocent, nor is my goal in every case to get my clients "off." Talk to a defender sometime or just watch them work and I believe that for the most part, you'll see what I've just described. Anyway...so, ok I'll jump down now.

It takes a real jackass to publicly humiliate and misrepresent his loving parents. It takes a caring person of integrity to public recognize his mistake and shed a better light on the people who may have most influenced the strength in his character.

So, I still like you Wil, but I can't say the same for Bill or Rush.

Your internal family problems as you rightly have indicated are a weird reflection of the polarized state of North American politics at the moment.

This isn't solely a US problem, those of us up here in the frozen North are dealing as well. It's not quite as bad since we theoretically have a multiparty system, but in the coming election I have no party which accurately represents my "fiscally conservative but decidedly socially liberal" views.

My choices are the "right of centre" - who preach all of the right fiscal policies about small government and accountability (but who haven't had real power in years, so, who knows) ... but talk about rolling back gay marriage rights and that kind of thing that echoes your own "wingnuts from the right" group. Because, let's face it, there ARE wingnuts on the left side of the political spectrum as well.

Or, I vote for the "left of centre", who say the right things socially, but who act like power is their own personal fiefdom, and who cater to large lobby groups who threaten my personal freedoms and grow the government by leaps and bounds.

Or, I vote for the "farther left of centre". Who conjure visions of a "nanny state" and all the excess social spending that would bring financial ruin to the government. And who don't have any real hope of forming either the government or the official opposition.

It's too polarized for words, and no one is out there representing me. And talking to anyone about supporting one party or the other inevitably leads to arguements about the platform of their's that I myself can support the least. I finally understand why people are disillusioned enough not to vote ...

To magdala,

On the off chance you'e come back to this. Your suggestion I am operating under ignorance is quite wrong. I have a degree in family studies and that includes verbal abuse and family communications.

I'm glad you and your daughter are on good terms, but that doesn't excuse misusing your parental power that way.

If you wish to discuss ignorance, I can give you studies and references about what I was talking about. But it sounds to me that I hit a sore spot and that is what offended you. Had I been similarly blunt about another topic, I suspect you wouldn't feel that way.

Yes, I could have been nicer about it, but by your own logic, I was holding back. If you couldn't handle what I said, then you should probably re-examine how you handle disagreements.

Actually, MamaSlyth, my suggestion that you are operating under ignorance is quite correct; you may “have a degree in family studies … that includes verbal abuse and family communications” and you may very well indeed be able to give me “studies and references about what [you’re] talking about [sic]”—but you don’t know *me* and you don’t know my kids and you don’t know the relationship we had and have. These circumstances make you ignorant of me, and that’s the “ignorance” I was referring to. If I were as inclined to slap labels on people I don’t know and about whom I know very little, I might be inclined to call you “arrogant” because, based on my recollection and recitation of a single incident in my life, you have labeled me an “abusive person.” Wil’s father, whose dramatic and (dare I say it? “abusive”) explosion was described for us in Wil’s blog, is shown more leniency than I, to wit: “I didn't think your dad was anything other than what you have always protrayed [sic] him to be - a very good person. I just kept in mind that in the middle of a political argument, ideals will make us all end up sounding more fervant [sic] than we realize. And we all remember things in a distortion.”

Well, to be fair, perhaps you know Wil’s father better than you know me; after all, you’ve had the luxury of having read Wil’s descriptions of the man in Wil’s blog; me you know only from that single description of a single event in my life. And we'll overlook the bias you show in cutting Wil and his recollections some slack while castigating me for mine. Because you are right about one thing: there “is no excuse for [my] misuse of parental power that way.” I might ask for the same indulgence that you so lavishly show Wil’s father, but let’s say I don’t. Mea culpa. I admit to the heinous crime of being human: In the heat of the moment, in my zealotry to defend my political and philosophical beliefs, I overstepped my “parental boundaries.” Things happens, and we move on. Or, as I have told my children many times, “What happens to you isn't important. What is important is what you do next.” Am I the perfect parent? Obviously not. Am I a good parent? That’s up for debate: none of my children is hooked on drugs; none has been arrested; and none has brought into this world an unplanned and unsupported child. One of my children currently is in a tank in Kuwait; one teaches “at risk” kids in the public school system; one isn’t sure what she wants to do yet, but is very concerned about animals, conservation, and the environment. Am I a good enough parent? I think I am. The way I see it, "good enough" does not equate "abusive," and I can live with being "good enough."

As always, heartfelt and honest, Wil. Give you folks a hug from us all next time you visit eh? It's not like we don't know them.

Having made a similar faux pas with one of my oldest and dearest friends this Xmas (that is, a screaming stand-up irrational "discussion" in front of all and sundry), I know the feeling.

Fortunately, I don't blog this sort of stuff (yet, so thanks for the cautionary tale!). Unfortunately, unlike you Wil, I haven't swallowed hard yet ...

BTW ... does this reduce ones' nerd factor? And if so, by how much? ;)

Peace and Happiness for all in 2006

Wil,

This is my first time [posting here], so thank you for the ‘place and the space’ to share our thoughts.

I think that what your Dad was trying express is similar to a feeling that I have, and that is...

“Don’t change the rules in the middle of the game”.

Justice or vengeance, wrong or right, I really cannot believe that I have an answer, but I do know that I have felt as your Dad expressed. I’d like you to understand that you have my thoughts and support, and that I hope you will bring these topics back around for further discussion-

Getting it sorted out w/ your parents, and online, is great, but then please revisit these themes. I feel as though I live in a nation without my input or consent, and that my political apathy has given power to those I disagree with; perhaps we as a people can start anew?

I’d like to think that by sharing and communicating, by using our hands and our hearts to shape this desire into a new republic, we could, but I dunno-

*be well, be there for others in need, and be yourself*

Will,

Am sitll playing catch-up with blogs.

It does a person good to know that someone who has "been hollywood" been in the light of fame and all can stand up and admit that he did something not so smart. It takes a lot of guts to do that, and it takes even more to set it right.

You are an awesome rolemodle for thoes kids.

Hey Wil, and readers, you might want to check out this Canadian (CBC) report on the bias in the US media, and how it's tearing the US apart:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2525202697021018532&q=cbc

Wil -

Ignore my post I made in "The front lines of the War on Christmas" - the political discussion here is exactly what I meant (that's what I get for not catching up on the blog before I post, eh?). I'm glad to see things have gotten all straightened out for you and your parents.

I'm certain that there is no reason for you to resign, if you could. You made a mistake publically, you discussed it privately with the parties involved, and you apologized publically. 'Nuff said.