" /> WIL WHEATON dot NET: 1.5: March 2006 Archives

« February 2006 | Main | April 2006 »

March 31, 2006

alive in the weeds

Nolan just called me from school to tell me that he got an 88 on a history test that he was really nervous about even passing.

He was walking down the hallway from one class to the next, and I could hear the sound of his peers swarming around him, in that dull almost-roar that fills high schools between classes before the campus drops back into near silence for 48 minutes.

I told him how proud of him I was, and how happy I was that he took the time to call me and tell me about it.

"I called mom, too," he said, "but now I have to go into class so I gotta go."

"Okay," I said. "I'm really proud of you, Nolan. Have a great weekend at your dad's. I love you."

"I love you too, Wil." He said. "Bye."

I love it that my 14 year-old told cared enough to call me and share good news about his grades, and told me that he loves me, even though he was surrounded by his peers.

i'm about to collapse into a singularity of geek

And now, a chance to use "blog this page" in performancing:

It's a little weird for me to make the news that I'm editing, but
when you're as up to your +3 Helmet of Monty Python Quoting in geek as
I am, sooner or later, it was bound to happen. Thank you for your
indulgence. Your case of Bawls is in the mail.

SuicideGirls  News  Geek  Your Humble Geek Editor Talks to the Global Gaming League

Technorati Tags: ,

March 30, 2006

i find it hard to tell you, because i find it hard to take

Le_barre Last night I watched an amazing episode of TNG called Family.

It is a truly wonderful episode that focuses on the human element of Star Trek. It is very dark and very heavy. It deals with the consequences of some very serious events from earlier in the series: Picard's assimilation by the Borg and subsequent stint as Locutus, Worf facing his parents for the first time since his discommendation in Sins of the Father, and Wesley's first face-to-face meeting with his father, Jack Crusher, via a holographic message which Jack made for him when Wesley was born.

It is a fantastic opportunity for the Patrick, Michael and me to take a brilliant script, filled with wonderful dialogue and complex relationships, and show the world what we can do as actors.

Partick and Michael are brilliant. They make the very most of every single scene, especially when Michael deals with the conflict between Worf's need to suffer for his discommendation with his obvious love for his parents, and when Patrick finally lets Picard's fall completely apart as he acknowledges how helpless he felt at Wolf-359 and deals with its aftermath. It is a Ron Moore script that previews the depth and pathos that I have come to love on Battlestar Galactica, and they are absolutely outstanding in it.

And me? Ron gave me a chance to really shine, to explore some complex emotion and take Wesley beyond the two-dimensional caricature I often complained he'd become. I finally had a chance to explore and perform a human side of Wesley as he sees the face of his father and hears his voice for the first time in his life. I finally had a chance to really do something after years of saying "Aye, sir, warp six, sir" . . . and I fucking phoned it in. I sat there and I made all my stupid little faces and acted like I cared, but It's painfully clear that I was halfway out the door. I totally and completely blew it. I was ashamed as I watched my eighteen year-old self last night, and rather disgusted by the time my scenes were over.

I looked extremely tanned, so the episode was probably shot in summer, and I'm sure I would have rather been at the beach with my friends instead of wearing a spacesuit on stage nine, but it's no excuse. I was expected to be professional and do my job, and instead I was a bullshit hack who didn't show up for work. I suppose the director could have knocked me into shape, but who knows what was going on at the time for him? And who knows if I would have even listened to him? After all, I was eighteen and I knew everything. I had the whole world figured out.

There were so many opportunities in that scene: opportunities to look at him and try to see myself in his eyes or hear myself in his voice; opportunities to make a rare emotional connection with a scene that didn't involve a lot of techno babble and opportunities to just be simple and honest and truthful. As an actor, I should have thought about all the things we never got to do together, I should have done everything I could to stretch the moment out as long as possible, so the audience is left thinking that Wesley is going to sit in that holodeck and sob and miss his dad and watch that thing over and over for the next several hours. At the very least, I certainly should have allowed myself to feel the resulting sense of loss, but as a fucking douchebag teenager I didn't feel anything. I'm pretty sure I walked into stage nine completely full of myself, and didn't stop checking my watch until I was done with the scene.

Jesus, what a pathetic waste. What a complete and total fucking waste. On that day, I didn't deserve to wear that uniform, and I certainly didn't earn the right to call myself an actor.

It is such a great episode, and I'm so ashamed and disappointed that I didn't realize it at the time. 

Ron, if you happen to read this: I am so sorry. When I saw you at Grand Slam, I thanked you for all the gifts you gave me over the years; I'd forgotten about this one (probably because I didn't appreciate it at the time, in all my teenage arrogance and I am so sorry that I disrespected your work and didn't honor the gift you gave me. Your work deserved better, and I was too much of an idiot to live up to the material. I can't imagine what it must have been like to create something so wonderful, only to watch it destroyed by an arrogant and entitled teenager. I am so, so sorry.

I have learned much since I was eighteen. In fact, I became aware of what a douche I was about a year after I filmed this episode, and realized that I need to get the hell out of Hollywood and find out who I really was and who I wanted to be. I spent the next three years working all that shit out, looking at myself in the mirror every day until I could truly say that I liked the person I saw reflected back.

These days, I don't take anything for granted, and I always do my very best to rise to the challenge of the material I'm lucky enough to be given. I wouldn't change anything about my life, because the person I am today grew out of the person I once was . . . but I'd sure like a chance to take that wonderful material and do it justice.

Hopefully, I'll get to watch an episode tonight that I can feel proud of.

(image from Memory Apha)

Afterthought - I put a version of this in comments, but here it is for the rest of all y'all (or is it all y'alls? all of y'alls?): It is important to me to examine and reflect on my life, whether it's something I'm fiercely proud of, like my performance in Best of Both Worlds I & II, or something I'm not proud of, like the things I've written about here.

When Family was over last night, I had a visceral feeling of shame and regret as strong as the feeling of terror I had writing about my first day of high school yesterday. It's lived in me all day, so I finally decided to write about it tonight.

I don't intend for this to become some sort of big pity party for me or anything, and by writing this, I don't feel that I'm sitting in a funk, dwelling on the past, wasting he present (I've done lots of that in the last few years, and I think I've hung on that cross enough, thank you.)

I absolutely love who I am today, both as a creative writer/actor and as a person. When everything is stripped away and I am left with nothing but my naked soul, I am very comfortable with what I have. I wouldn't have that if I didn't reflect on all the peaks and valleys of my life, including moments like these.

Now that I think of it, if I didn't have such respect for Ron Moore, and if I hadn't just seen him two weeks ago, I may not have had such a profoundly powerful reaction to my performance (or lack thereof) in his episode.

Anyway, if I didn't tear down the wall from time to time, I'd just sit here and wait for the worms to come, and nobody wants that. Trust me.

March 29, 2006

my mind is filled with silvery star

This is the second time in about forty minutes that I've wanted to change the title of an entry. First: "when i'm boss of the universe . . ." should be called "new slang", or "gold teeth and a curse" if I wanted to be slightly more obscure and rewarding to anyone who figured it out.

"i call the big one bitey" is a nice homage to a long ago time when The Simpsons was still consistently funny, but "antmusic" would be cooler. "dirk wears white socks"  would be even better, but "kings of the final frontier" would probably be the most obscure and rewarding (the ant habitat was originally designed by NASA, and I'll let you figure the rest out on your own.)

Now this is a little weird: iTunes must know that I'm writing about music, because for the last seven songs, it has taken me on a little time warp to my teens. These songs are listed in the exact order that they came up. It was set to shuffle through my entire library (currently organized by album title), which is pretty eclectic, so the choice of tunes is particularly eerie.

Songs with their associated memories:

Cinderella Undercover - I am driving my brand new 1989 Honda Prelude Si 4WS to work on Star Trek. I don't know why, but in all of my memories, it's early morning, it's cold, and it's a little foggy. I loved that car, and it's the same one that was just slightly better than Patrick Stewart's, if you've heard that story.

Don't Be Square, Be There - My friend Guy (who was also my stand-in on TNG) introduced me to Adam and the Ants via the Kings of the Wild Frontier album. I can still see the tape, an old TDK number with "Adam and the Ants" on one side and "Kings of the Wild Frontier" on the other, written in Guy's realy cool architect writing, in a smoky grey case with no paper insert. Guy lived in Costa Mesa, and after I got my Mac II -- in color, with four fraking megabyes of RAM, man! -- I'd put it in my car and drive down to Guy's on the weekend so we could appletalk our machines together and play NetTrek and Spaceward Ho! People often asked me in interviews how I avoided the drugs and partying scene that claimed the lives and futures of so many of my peers; I've just realized that this is a major reason why: when they were getting high and courting the paparazzi in night clubs they were too young to be in, I was sitting in Guy's house playing really geeky games.

Still Ill -
When I was in my very early teens, I had one of those massive teenage crushes that consumes your every waking moment and requires you to listen to endless hours of The Smiths in your bedroom wondering why she doesn't like you "in that way." This particular crush was on Kyra, who was so beautiful, and so smart, and so cool, and so a senior when I was a freshman it was never going to happen. Kyra introduced me to The Smiths (on Vinyl, no less), the Violent Femmes (in her BMW 2002 while we were driving to see Harvey at a local college) and was goth before goth was goth. Though I had such a massive crush on her, we were great friends, and she never broke my heart.

Pale Shelter -
I heard this on the radio in my mom's car on my way to my first day of public high school at Crescenta Valley High School, and it will always remind me of that day. I was terrified. I remember sitting into first period history class, and not even knowing that I was supposed to write "per. 1" on my papers. I remember that it was nothing like I'd seen in movies and on TV, and how the kids in all my classes were so cruel to me. I was shy, I was scared to death, and I was so withdrawn as a result, they all decided that I was aloof and arrogant and I never got a chance to correct that first impression. Wow - as I write this, I can feel that terror all over again. I feel it in my muscle memory and in my soul. Gods, I felt so tiny as I walked across the quad on that first day, like a little kid who lost his mom in the department store. The time I spent at CV was the absolute worst in my life.

How Beautiful You Are - Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me was the first compact disc I had, and it's a good thing, too. I love this record so much, I would have worn it out in any other medium. This was also during the "W + K 4EVR" phase, and, nerdly little artist that I was, whenever I heard this song I longed to go with her to Paris and dance in the rain together. You know what I just realized? I don't think I ever told her that I was so fiercely head over heels for her, and she either knew and didn't call me out, or I had the perfect combination of infatuation and insecurity to keep it to myself. I wonder where she is today, and how she's doing? Hrm.

Charge of the Batmobile -
My best friend, Darin, lived just over one mile from my house, across windy streets up in the hills above La Crescenta. We were such Batman geeks and we were such stupid teens, we frequently put this song on my tape deck and drove way too fast across those windy streets late at night between our two houses. It's a miracle we never crashed or hurt anyone or anything.

Phonetic Alphabet - NATO -
This is from disc 2 of The Conet Project. I never heard a numbers station in my teens, but I spent a lot of time listening to my shortwave radio and my police scanner (I told you I was a geek) so it reminds me of sitting in the dark (because shortwave listening is so much better when you're in the dark, for some reason) late at night when propagation was better, spinning the dial and thinking it was the coolest thing in the world to hear transmissions from the other side of the planet. I'm glad the Cold War is over, but boy do I miss the SW propaganda broadcasts.

And the Conet Project is the perfect coda to this trip in the wayback machine. That invisible woman's voice, sending a message to some unknown person in an unknown land, shot into the ionosphere and back, captured by someone else in another time is almost too perfect. If I saw it in a movie, I'd never believe it. Good thing this isn't a movie.

"romeo, romeo, lima, yankee, november, oscar, oscar, zulu . . . end of message end of t--"

i call the big one bitey

Img_6163 Months ago, I bought the supercool Antworks ant farm from Think Geek.

Six to eight weeks ago, I ordered the little critters who would amuse me endlessly with their incessant tunneling, and waited for them to arrive. Yesterday, the wait ended.

Around ten in the morning, I put the ants into their new gel-filled home, and by three or so in the afternoon, they'd begun to tunnel down the side. Before bed last night, around twelve hours after they'd moved in, they reached the bottom of the habitat, and started to work their way over to the side.

Holy crap, man. I sat there and watched them dig their way across the bottom for close to thirty minutes. Because of the gel, I could see their mandibles pulling chunks out of the growing tunnel, and it looked like it was sort of blooming open.

When I got up this morning, I ran straight to the ants, and the picture here is what I found: they worked all night long, and have two growing tunnels across the whole thing. In fact, as I've been writing this, they've just broken through on the left side of the picture.

There are things here that still images can't capture: it's surprisingly satisfying to watch one ant start at the top of the habitat and work its way down into the tunnels. They all interact with each other in fantastically interesting ways, probing with their mandibles and antennae, and as far as I can tell, they never complain about the work. When they pass over the LEDs at the bottom of the thing, they cast this eerie shadow up into the gel that looks lie what you'd expect to see if The Abyss and Them! had a love child.

There are a couple more pictures of the habitat in my flickr stream.

March 28, 2006

when i'm boss of the universe . . .

Two words I'd like to remove from the Universe:

deets - The word is "Details," not "deets." "deet" is an important ingredient in insect repellent.

peeped - Did you look at it? Then you saw it. You did not "peep" it. And your friends? They are your friends. They are not your "peeps." Your "peeps" are tasty little marshmallow chunks, shaped like birds and covered with enough sugar to give you type 2 diabetes after one box. They are especially tasty if you let them reach the perfect point of almost-too-stale before eating them.

Thank you.

Online Neighborhood Watch Nails Phishers

This could be a really cool thing, if it's done correctly:

A volunteer group, dubbed the Phishing Incident Reporting and Termination squad (PIRT), will take in reports from consumers of suspected phishing Web sites and work to take the sites offline.

On Friday, before its official launch, the group received 100 phishing reports, and 30 of those were shut down in a few hours.

read more | digg story

Most of us can quickly and easily spot a phishing scandal (if it even gets past our filters) but it's people like our parents who need to be protected. If we can work together to nail these phishing fuckers at the server level, it's time well spent.

 

Geek Editor (with two exciting updates)

Picture_2 For the last several months, I've been editing the technology newswire at Suicide Girls. It's been a lot of fun to interact with the community over there, and I've had a really good time digging up hawesome, amusing, and informative tech stories for them.

In the last month or so, the overlords are making some changes to the site, including the newswire, to make more than just a pin-up site. To that end, they've recently added a ton of new writers and editors, and changed our sections around quie a bit.

Last night, my section was changed from technology to geek, and I went from being the technology editor to being the geek editor, complete with shiny new title. I just about shot a d10 out my nose when I saw the change! Bow before me, for I am geek! Snort. Snort. 3d8 + 4

According to the announcement, "Geek is about video games, comics, role playing games, computer hacking, Linux, OS X, mocking Windows Vista, etc," so I'm pretty psyched to add comics and games to the list of news I can write and edit, now. I'm especially happy that any ambiguity about the deductibility of certain research materials has been effectively removed, as well.

I think it's time for a trip to the Last Grenadier, then to the comic shop. For, uh, research. Yeah.

Snort. Snort.

42.

Update: In comments, Elayne says, "I don't get it. Why are you writing for a pinup site in the first place? I think it's pretty unwelcoming for female readers to begin with."

It's a valid question, and one which I imagine crossed more than a few minds. I know lots of you (about 16000 at last count) read this via RSS and may miss comments, so here's my response:

I don't have any problems with writing for SG, because I don't find their content offensive in any way. I really like the people I work with, I like drawing a small paycheck to write and edit, and the little chunk of community I've interacted with there (mostly geeks like me) have made me feel very welcome.

I completely respect that not everyone thinks SG is okay, though, and if you're personally offended that I write for or am associated with the site, I completely understand and support your decision to not read my stories there, or even stop reading my blog entirely, if you feel that strongly about it.

Personally, I feel like it's a Venn diagram of Playboy, Vanity Fair, Cosmo, and a flurry of tattoo and goth culture magazines, and I don't find the content exploitive or pornographic in any way. But your milage may vary, and whatever that milage may be, I respect it.

Oh, and at my suggestion, the newswire has been made entirely safe for work, so you can read the news (like my story today about Facebook turning down 750 million while reportedly holding out for two BILLION dollars, which features a bonus Back to the Future reference, and some musings on how stupid online advertisers are) and interviews without encountering teh boobies. You're welcome (I think.)

 

One more, after a few more comments:

There is an entire page at Suicide Girls dedicated to addressing all the various rumors and allegations: http://suicidegirls.com/trash/

There are also numerous testimonials from several of the models, who all seem pretty happy with the site: http://suicidegirls.com/trash/testimonials/

I've noticed that most people tend to project their personal biases and and preconceptions into the site: if a person is opposed to nude modeling (for whatever reason) they tend to think the site is exploiting women, and are prone to uncritically believing the various charges made against the site and its owners. If people are cool with the nude modeling (male or female), they tend to discard the rumors, and if they have an opinion at all on the "exploitation" issue, tend to conclude that it's more empowering than, say, modeling for Suze Randall.

As I said before, since I am an editor on the newswire, those issues don't affect or concern me. The models I know all seem very happy with their work and enjoy being part of the site; the people I have worked with on staff have been fantastic, honorable, and respectable people (unlike the people I worked for at G4, for example.)

And I made with a whole bunch of the funny (to me at least) in this story about finding out where your Xbox was born.

No thank you, I! Thank! You!

March 27, 2006

Comments from the Wife: In Exile

On June 4th, Wil and I and our friends Shawn and Michelle will be running in the Rock-n-Roll Marathon in San Diego as a fundraiser for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Foundation. This will be the second time we have participated in this marathon. The first time we did it was in 2004, because our friend Kris was diagnosed with leukemia and we wanted to do something to help funding for finding a cure. If you didn't read about this when we did it the first time, here's a brief summary of what happened.  

In August of 2003, our friend Kris was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia. A month later she started chemotherapy at her local hospital. Treatment was unsuccessful, so she was admitted to City Of Hope Hospital in Duarte, California to begin an aggressive treatment of radiation and chemotherapy. The cancer was taking over quickly so her only hope was to harvest her own stem cells and transplant them back to her after treatment. This was a very grueling time for Kris as well as her family and friends as we all felt so helpless to do anything. I wasn't Kris' blood type so I couldn't donate to her. I tried donating platelets three times, but my body decided it didn't want to let me. Then I heard about the Rock-n-Roll marathon in San Diego for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and knew that was the way to help. A nurse at the hospital told me it costs $25,000 a day for cancer research so I decided that would be our fund-raising goal. I wrote about Kris' progress on Wil's site and our own training progress for the marathon. So many people wrote such wonderful words of support and had stories of their own with loved ones battling cancer and making it through, I printed out all these comments and brought them to Kris in the hospital to read. It was very inspirational for her and a great distraction while she spent all those weeks in bed. Kris said her treatment was the hardest thing she had ever done and would never do it again. When it came time to do the marathon, we were so excited because not only did WWdN readers raise $28,420, but Kris was waiting for us at the finish line.

Over the past two years, Wil has mentioned to me on several occasions that people wanted to know how Kris was doing, and if I'd make a post for his blog about her. Today, I can finally tell you. The first year was great. Kris' bone marrow biopsy came back clean and her health continued to improve. She got her hair back and was able to go on vacation.

In October of last year, Kris went in for a check up. She had been feeling a little tired, but didn't think anything of it. A biopsy revealed that her leukemia was back. Fortunately, doctors had been searching for a stem-cell donor since Kris first started her treatment in 2003, so they had a match for her. With the progression of the cancer, she needed to start treatment immediately. She went home for a week, and tried to decide if she wanted to go through the treatment again. She finally decided to do it so she could see her son graduate from high school, and Kris spent all of the holidays as well as her birthday in the hospital. I would visit her as often as I could, even if it was just to bring her some lip balm or a crossword puzzle. We would watch TV together and talk about her son's college plans. Some days were so bad for her I would only be able to write a message on the dry erase board in her room letting her know I had been there. It was so hard to see her like that; I was so worried she wouldn't make it. She had the maximum amount of radiation with her first transplant, so this time was all chemotherapy which made her really sick. She was worried her transplant wouldn't work (and so were we) but it did. She fought like crazy, didn't give up, and came home shortly after her birthday at the beginning of January.

In late January, Kris wasn't feeling well again. A high fever put her back in the hospital with an infection in her Hickman catheter and bacterial pneumonia. This time, Kris spent 45 more days in the hospital. It was really scary but she's been home for a couple of weeks now. Last week she got her biopsy results: All clear!

During Kris' second round of treatment, we were thinking about how she said she would never go through it again. At the end of the marathon in 2004, we said we would never do it again because it was the hardest thing we had ever done. To see Kris' strength as she goes through all this is amazing. So we decided if she could do it twice, so could we. And this time, we are going to try to get twice as much in donations!

We were overjoyed by the kind words of support for Kris and for all the donations that came in from all over the world. Every single dollar makes a difference, and every single comment and e-mail helped lift Kris' spirits. Her doctors told us in 2004 that she was a fighter; she told us on several occasions that she was fighting so hard because she didn't want to let down all the people who were pulling for her. It was incredible to see how many people were willing to be a part of something so great. We have a donation page set up through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We only have a couple of months to reach our donation goal. Please help us reach it as we prepare for the marathon in San Diego on June 4th.

I'll drop in here from time to time with more Comments from the Wife, to update you all on fundraising and our training progress (We're way behind. Someone tell my husband to step away from the computer and exercise more!) Wil is going to have some in-person fundraisers in Los Angeles, and at least one charity poker tournament at PokerStars, so watch for that, too.

Thank you so much!!

-Anne

Note from Wil: The original "Comments from the Wife" posts are: 3.0, 3.1, 3.2, 3.3, 3.4, 3.5, 3.6, 4.0. (Yeah, we just went for an entirely new version after 3.7, because we, uh, found a new version of the working-it-out software in the CVS and decided to, uh, recompile the . . . uhm . . . unit. Yeah.)

bleating and babbling

Animals From the time I was old enough to recognize that music is important, I've gone through these phases where a certain band will jam a guitar into the base of my skull and twist around there until I listen to them enough to fill my brains with their music and push the guitar (which is usually a Les Paul, and occasionally a Fender Stratocaster) out.

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you can see when this happens, because it's usually revealed in the titles of my entries. There have been Radiohead and Pixies and Get Up Kids and Mike Doughty explosions, but the one band I've come back to over and over again since I was in high school is Pink Floyd.

It was Pink Floyd who introduced me to the concept album, and showed me that music could be something more than background noise. I'll never forget the first time I heard Animals: I was working on a show called Monsters, which was a cool little Tales From the Darkside-ish anthology show. My episode was really cool: it was called Shave and a Haircut, Two Bites, and was about two barbers who do all sorts of unspeakably horrible things to feed a creepy blood-sucking Lovecraftian monster. We filmed the whole thing in a tiny little warehouse-ish building down near the center of Hollywood (I think it was off Santa Monica, between Highland and Gower, but I'm not sure) over the course of about a week in 1990.

I played opposite Matt LeBlanc in that show. To illustrate how weird Hollywood is: Matt was new to town and the entertainment industry, and though he was older than me, I was the veteran actor. I was also a Really Big Deal at the time (though the slow-but-sure slide down to the C list had already begun) and it's this moment in time where you can see the graphs of our careers cross: he was rising and I was falling. Weird, isn't it?

Matt was a relly nice guy, and a lot of fun to work with. He's also singularly responsible for introducing me to The Simpsons. I remember sitting in his dressing room between setups one day, talking about TV shows, and he asked me if I'd seen it. I told him that I'd watched one or two episodes, and I wasn't particularly impressed (if you look at season one of The Simpsons, I think you'll agree that it was a very acquired taste back then.)

He was surprised, because we'd been talking about Monty Python and Life in Hell, and other types of off-beat humor, and he was convinced that I'd like the show. To prove this to me, he recreated the entire episode where Bart is sent to France and ends up slaving away in the vineyard.

I couldn't tell you a single thing about working on that episode (other than being afraid I was going to cut myself with a straight razor) but I can still close my eyes and hear Matt saying, "Don't eat ze grapes, Bart!" I thought it was so hilarious, I gave The Simpsons a chance, and was hooked pretty quickly after that.

But this post was originally about Pink Floyd, right? I was already into Pink Floyd a little bit by this time, and a casual fan of The Dark Side of the Moon, and Wish You Were Here. I don't remember how I ended up with Animals, but I had the CD and a portable CD player (kids: way back in 1990, before the advent of MP3 players, your parents carried around CD players which were very portable at around five pounds each. We also carried around ten or twenty CDs at a time, in a wallet sort of thing. And we listened to our CDs while we walked uphill both ways in the snow to get to school because we liked it.)

At this point in the story, I feel compelled to point out that, even though I love Pink Floyd and The Grateful Dead, I'm not a stoner, and never have been. Stoners bug the everlivingfuck out of me, and nothing makes me leave a party or event faster than a bunch of pot heads. I also feel compelled to point out that the so-called War on Drugs is an abject and total failure (much like the Bush adminstration) and I fully support changing a lot of our drug laws here, especially de-criminalizing marijuana, mmmkay?  And I now feel further compelled to point out that I'm not casting judgement on stoners. I know plenty of stoners who I genuinely like a whole bunch; I just don't come out to play when they're sparking up.

Anyway, I had Animals on CD, and though I was initially turned off by Pigs on the Wing (part one), Dogs grabbed my attention, and by the time Pigs (three different ones) started, I was completely hooked. (After a few listens, I grew to love Pigs on the Wing (I & II) and even taught myself how to play it on the guitar. I can't imagine Animals without those beautiful and tender songs wrapping up the rest of the album.)

I clearly recall leaning back in this shitty chair with wobbly legs, my feet up on a standard-issue office furniture desk, eyes closed, and nearly falling over when Roger Waters sang,

Big man, pig man, ha ha, charade you are
You well heeled big wheel, ha ha, charade you are

I crossed a Rubicon. I don't know what it was about those lyrics (they're not even the lyrics that resonate strongest with me from that album, let alone the entire Floyd catalogue) but the music,  the way he sang "ha ha, charade you are!" and the deep, dark, rich ominous weight of the whole thing spoke to me in exactly the right way. I guess it's kind of sad that, at 19, I was already deeply cynical and responsive to that, huh? After work that day, I went to the record store (kids: it's sort of like iTunes Music Store, but you walk into it and talk to people about what you want to buy, and occasionally disscover new and interesting music while you're there) and bought every Pink Floyd album they had. I entered an extended Pink Floyd phase, where I spent hours just listening to and exploring the music. We didn't have Wikipedia back then, so I went on several record store quests to find old magazines and books about the band, so I could get a better idea where their music came from and what they were all about.

Last night, listened to Animals and Wish You Were Here while I chased album notes and band history down the Internets' rabbit hole (start here if you're intrigued) including a re-examination of The Publius Enigma.

I wish a band would come out and be the modern equivalent to Pink Floyd. Green Day kind of did it with American Idiot, but that's a hell of a stretch, I think. I want to hear concept albums that tell me a story from start to finish, that aren't single-oriented.

Heh. I guess I'm saying that I'm still waiting for Radiohead to follow-up OK Computer. It's a long way to go, isn't it?

 

Oh, and I made this post in Performancing. (Then I did a little tweaking by hand, to add the image and clean up the tags.) Cool.

Technorati Tags: ,

March 24, 2006

gazing through trees in sorrow hardly a sound till tomorrow

I saw Menage A Trois last night on TNG, which is the episode where Picard gives Wesley his field promotion to Ensign, complete with cool regular spacesuit and slightly-less-dorky haircut. I'd forgotten the promotion happened in that episode, because, despite fantastic performances from all the actors (especially Majel) the bulk of that story just feels a little too close to slashy fan fiction for me. In my mind, I'd uncoupled the B story about Wesley from the A story about Riker, Troi, Lwaxana, and the Ferengis.

There's a scene in that episode where Wesley thinks he's leaving the Enterprise to go to Starfleet Academy, and as he walks across the back of the bridge, behind Worf and to the turbolift, he turns around and slowly looks at the bridge, you know, sort of taking the whole thing in like he's seeing it for the last time and wants to remember.

When I saw that last night, it reminded me of the first time I went on Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas, and how I did exactly the same thing. Art imitating life imitating art.

Most of you who are TNG fans already know this, but it's a cool story that I'll tell anyway: Gene Roddenberry, who created Star Trek and was a good friend of mine while I worked on the show, was field-promoted to Ensign during World War II, and when Wesley was field-promoted on TNG, Gene came to the bridge one afternoon, gathered the cast and crew together, kicked out the set photographer, and shut down production for a few minutes to present me with the bars he'd received when he was promoted in the real military.

I can connect with that memory right now as if I'm watching it on a television all over again: Gene presents me with his bars, everyone breaks out into applause, and I feel like I really didn't deserve it -- I was just an actor, after all.

I was too young and immature to fully absorb the magnitude of the gesture, but I recall that Gene shook my hand, then pulled me into him for a big hug, and I felt that sense of pride and embarassment that you get when your dad brags on you in front of everyone at the family reunion for making the final out that won the All-City Championship, but you secretly know that you just held up your glove and the ball managed to find its way into the pocket.

I remember that Paramount wanted to make a big publicity deal out of it, and have a camera crew from Entertainment Tonight and a bunch of photographers there, but Gene wanted it to be a private, "family" moment. I always thought that was cool of him, and illustrates how seriously he took that moment; though I wish I had pictures from that day, if there'd been a photographer or film crew there, it would have cheapened the moment. I think Gene knew that and kept it real long before "keeping it real" was a popular pastime on MySpace.

March 22, 2006

i'm gonna find me two waitresses here, and i'm going to pull me a fredo

Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?"
Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it...
Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny's scared Mike, the bunny's scared of you, shivering.
        -Swingers

I should really be freaking out now that three days have passed (eight, if you count exactly on the calendar and include the weekend -- which I don't, but I didn't want any of you weekend-counters to feel left out) and I still haven't heard anything about the super teriffic Sci-Fi hosting gig that isn't on the Sci-Fi Channel.

But I'm a level 27 Bard, with a billion ranks in Sense Motive (plus Epic Skill Focus) and Regie's Ruby Ring of Really Reliable Scrying. In other words, I usually know when I've gotten or lost a gig with laser-like precision. I can feel it in my soul when a decision has been made, even if that decision is made on the other side of the world. I know that's totally ooga-booga, but it's true. I've been making sense motive checks all day long, and they're either hiding behind a wall of lead and Kryptonite, or they haven't made a decision, yet.

Oh! They just made a decision and -- oh, wait. That's just gas. My bad.

I will admit to leaping up and racing to the phone whenever it rings, and saying, "aw, nuts," when the caller ID doesn't tell me that it's my manager giving me a ring up on the dictaphone, but other than that, and the constant rolling of the d20, I haven't really been obsessing about it that much.

Anyway, I talked with Shane about it at length today, because he's been involved in programming like this from both sides of the table. I didn't tell him about the R³R²S, but we still came to the conclusion that it's still too early to panic. The most likely option right now is that a decision simply hasn't been made. Does that mean they're looking at other guys? Probably. Does that mean I should freak out? I don't think so. All I can do is give my best audition, which I did, and hope that the other things I bring to the table outweigh however good looking the other guys are. I'm also pretty sure I'll have to dodge a Kimmel on the Turn and River.

I think I'll make a call tomorrow, so I at least know if I'm buying a case of Guinness to celebrate or drown my sorrows. Hey, either way, I get to drink a ton of Guinness.

To make the continued waiting as cute as possible, please enjoy this kitten:

Godkillskittenaday

(Thanks, W!)

climb so high and gain so low

"May the road rise with you."
    -PiL

All this week, Shane Nickerson is publishing older blog entries that never made the cut for one reason or another. He introduces each entry with a brief comment about it, then shares some wonderful writing that clearly deserved to make it past the internal censor who often paralyzes writers actors actors/writers guys like us.

This one, in particular, hit me where I live:

If you want the secret, I have it.

It's about the work. Regardless of your chosen profession or station in life, the work is what matters. Skip it and you will be caught. Slack off, and others will catch up to you. Cut corners and you will have to answer to yourself at some point.

Of course, that said, the hardest question to answer once it is assumed that hard work is part of the equation is, "Now, what do I work on?" Whatever you love. Work on whatever you love and don't think about the payoff, but instead the road. If part of your road is a continual hunt for a payoff, so be it, but pick a life and career that makes you happy even in the very pursuit of the thing you've chosen.

A couple of days ago, I had an epiphany: Around the time I came to Exile, I drove right off my Road. I started to take an interesting little side trip, (mostly to Prove To Everyone that I could do it) but I lost my map and couldn't find my way back. I was so thoroughly off my road, I didn't even realize I was driving around in circles and down dead end paths until it was way too late, and I was running out of gas.

Set phasers to Ramble, Mr. Worf:

 

When I went to the Grand Slam convention last weekend, I kept expecting to feel bad about it. I kept expecting to feel like I was a loser for going without anything new to show off and I really worked myself up about it. I really felt like I was in exactly the same place I was five years ago, and that seriously bummed me out.

But when I got there, that anticipated feeling never arrived. Despite my best initial efforts to really feel like a jerk, I really had a good time. I didn't feel bad; I felt like I was at home. I felt like I was surrounded by like-minded people who all wanted to celebrate this stuff that we all love, and I felt like I had something unique and interesting to share with them. I loved how good and how right that felt, and at some point over the weekend, I realized that even though I was hanging out at a con, I'm not in the same place I was five years ago. I've grown as a writer, I've grown as a husband, and I've grown as a father. I'm smarter and wiser than I was five years ago, even if I haven't accomplished as much as I'd hoped. There is no denying that I haven't done what I'd hoped to do with acting or writing, but in all the other areas that truly matter, I've rolled several critical successes.

You know how everything happens for a reason? If I hadn't gone to that convention and simply enjoyed the celebration of Sci-Fi and Sci-Fi fandom, if I hadn't realized, accepted, and acknowledged that I really have grown and succeeded in the last five years, I wouldn't have found the map back to my Road. Without it, I never would have been in the right place to have so much fun with the hosting audition, and I wouldn't be waiting right now to hopefully hear good news about that job.

I thought about the last line of Just A Geek the other day, which I thought went something like, "I'm finally cool with all the Star Trek and Sci-Fi stuff, and I'm happy about that."

I just looked it up, and that's not what it says. It actually says that I'm doing something that really makes me happy, which at the time was writing. It says a lot about my current state of mind, (and the unvarnished truth about myself at this moment) that I thought it said I was happy about my work on Star Trek and I was cool with all that stuff, though, doesn't it?

When I watch TNG on G4, (and I do, almost every night,) no matter how hard I try to feel sad, or maudlin, or regretful, I just can't do it. I see my friends, and I have fond memories of working with them. I see my work, and I feel proud (when I'm not laughing at the Ugly Grey Spacesuit) of a lot of the things I did with what I was given to work with. As a bonus, watching lots of TNG has brought back happy, lucid memories of of all sosrts of things I did when I was a teenager: I get flashes of painting 40K armies in my dressing room, going to Depeche Mode concerts with my friends, watching movies like The Hidden and Alien Nation and Prince of Darkness at the AMC in Burbank with Darin when it was just 10 theatres (and 10 was HUGE back then), and going to different conventions all over the country to celebrate Star Trek. Of course, as I described in Just A Geek, there came a time where I didn't have fun at the cons, and I started to resent them, but even those memories are hard to pull up as I watch these shows from the second and third seasons. Is it selective memory? Of course it is, and I'm totally fine with that.

I know I went over this in Just A Geek and Dancing Barefoot, but it's worth it for me to go over it one more time: I don't have to avoid or run away from science fiction because I was a big part of a huge science fiction franchise, and I didn't have the acting success I'd hoped for when I quit. I was a science fiction geek long before I was Wesley Crusher, and I'll be a science fiction geek for the rest of my life. I can't run away from fandom, because I can't run away from myself. I can't run away from who I am. Resistance is futile.

When I read Shane's post earlier this week, I initially responded to what he said about the work. But as I reflected on it, I kept thinking about the Road. When I knew what my Road was, I knew where my Road was, and I knew how to get back on it. I wasn't as far off it as I thought, in fact. I just had to turn the wheel and step on the gas. It also helped to drive with my eyes open for a change.

My Road is paved with d20s and TRON DVDs and Atari 2600 games. It's lit by the glow of TNG and BSG episodes and the soundtrack is by Vangelis. It's patrolled by Rover and they sell Soylent Green in the rest stop vending machines. The speed limit is 42, but if you flash your Bavarian Illuminati card, you can use the FTL drive to make it to Milliways in time for dinner.

I'm back on my Road, and nobody can take the sky from me.

March 21, 2006

abe vigoda still alive, wheaton still waits

As day two of the Big Wait draws to a close, I still haven't heard anything. After a lifetime in this industry, I have learned that the chances of booking a job drop logarithmically with each day that passes, and I'm less optimistic than I was yesterday. The glass still appears half-full, but there is now a chance that it could be filled with deadly poison.

To put the waiting into perspective, please enjoy this picture of Mustard Man:

Mustardman

March 20, 2006

eigenstate

Well, Monday is pretty much over, and I haven't heard anything yet about the possible hosting gig.

This waiting to hear thing? Yeah, it's never any different than this. I could either obsess that the lack of new information means they've gone with another Kimmel cousin, or the lack of new information means that nothing has changed since last week. It's a very Schrödinger's Cat situation, and I'm happy to leave the job in a superposition until I get a chance to observe the results.

To help pass the time until I hear something, here's a picture of a squirrel with huge nuts:

Squirrel

March 19, 2006

i am NOT going to be at the James Brown Soul of America Music Festival

Picture_1_2 This comes from the Headlines-I-Never-Thought-I'd-Write department.

Last week, a reporter from the Augusta Chronicle in Augusta, Georgia contacted me and asked if I was performing at the James Brown Soul of America Music Festival on Memorial Day down in Georgia.

For years, I've been confused with Will Wheaton, Jr., the well-known soul singer, so I told the reporter that he was probably confusing the two of us (it happens all the time, especially when James Brown or Russian stacking dolls are brought up, for some strange reason.) The reporter told me that the festival made it clear that it was Wil Wheaton, the actor, which is weird because until the reporter's inquiry, I hadn't heard about the festival at all. In fact,I was surprised to hear that I'd been mentioned in association with this event, because I am solidly B or even C List right now, and not exactly the kind of person who would be a big draw at the James Brown Soul of America Music Festival on Memorial Day down in Georgia like, say, Will Wheaton, Jr., the well-known soul singer.[1]

I forgot about it until today, when Google News sent me one of those "Hey, Wil, you wanted to know when you were in the news, so now you know, and knowing is half the battle," alerts.

The entire story requires outrageously annoying and intrusive registraton, but here's the part that mentions me:

Also, actor Wil Wheaton, of Star Trek fame, said he had no plans to come to Augusta. He seemed amused when he responded to inquiries last week.

"I respect and admire the godfather of soul as much as anyone else, and though I've been known to get on up like a sex machine from time to time, I will be paying tribute in my own not-coming-to-Georgia way."

The whole story left me with the impression that there are a lot of questions about the event, and it all seems kind of shady, so now I'm actually happy that I may have been mentioned in conjunction with the event, because it could be sort of edgy, now.

[1]Note that it's common for event organizers to invite a ton of guests to an event, knowing that not all of them will show up, and advertise those guests as "invited" or "scheduled to appear." This often happens because organizers have ambitions that aren't practical, and you should never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to something more benign, like an overly-ambitious promoter. I don't know what the case is, here, but what's important is that I have an italicized footnote to this entry.

March 18, 2006

box of rain

I'm working on WWdN today (about to stop and walk my dogs; the rain has broken, and it's quite beautiful outside right now) and I thought I'd share a couple of links for any readers who found me in Exile, rather than following me over from WWdN.

The first is something I wrote a long, long time ago, when WWdN first started. I knew people would be coming to my site with lots of preconceptions, and I wanted to take a shot at challenging them. I also had a tragic-but-true story which started this whole blogging thing for me, and is one of the first narrative non-fiction things I ever wrote:

If this is your first time here, you should read this.

The second is a couple of links to a reading I did from Just a Geek and Dancing Barefoot at Gnomedex a couple of years ago. It's not the best performance of all time, and I tossed in a couple of ad-libs that in retrospect don't work (see if you can spot them!) but

You can now see or hear me read from my books Just A Geek and Dancing Barefoot! If you like what you hear, you may want to pick up a copy of Just A Geek: Teh Audiobook. Or not. Whatever. I'm not the boss of you.

Oh! And even though I'm putting my photos into flickr these days, I have an extensive gallery that's filled with really great stuff, including a HAWESOME series from a road trip Anne and I took a few years ago. Man, I really love WWdN. Working on it brings back a flood of memories, and I can't wait to get back home.

March 17, 2006

question for the podcasters

Rfb_fast_working I've been working on a new episode of RFB most of this morning, and I'm incredibly sad to reach the conclusion that it's just not going to happen.

I don't have anything original or interesting to say, but I figured it wouldn't be the biggest deal, because the bulk of the show would be audio from the Star Trek convention and my audition on Tuesday. The big problem is, that audio is just for shit. It's so blown out that listening to it gave me a headache and actually made me feel a little sick to my stomach by the time I gave up trying to clean it up in garageband.

I've been using an iRiver 795; I've noticed that the last few times I've used it, the built-in mic is so sensitive, that with the encoder set at 44 kHz and 160Kbps, unless I'm speaking very quietly or there is absolutely no ambient noise, the audio is useless at best, and painful at worst. I've tried the line-in with a clip-on mic, but without some sort of pre-processing, the levels are too low.

So, can any of you experienced radio people or podcasters out there suggest an extremely portable, very affordable solution to my audio problem?

(Thanks to Matt D. for catching a picture of the official RFB truck in action!)

Hab SoSlI' Quch!

Picture_3 I published a story for the SG Newswire this morning about a USB flash drive that encrypts your data, and automatically self-destructs if someone attempts to brute-force the password too many times.

The drive is made by a company called Kington, but whenever I look at the name, I keep seeing Klingon. I guess it's some sort of geek dyslexia.

So I made a couple of geeky Klingon jokes in the entry, using the Wikipedia entry on Klingon as a reference.

Holy cow, man, I love the Wikipedia, and I spend way too much time just randomly reading entries and filling my head with facts, but I haven't read an entry as entertaining and just plain cool as the Klingon entry in a long, long time. If you've got some time to spare, you should totally check it out.

When you're done with WikiPedia, and you still need more Klingon goodness in your day, browse the Klingon tag at Flickr; it's a great collection of fans, the guys at Star Trek the Experience in Las Vegas, and all sorts of people and pets with wrinkly foreheads.

Image comes from the "Klingon Convention Trauma" merchandise in my CafePress store.

March 16, 2006

The party started at eight. Why are we going to a bar at ten?

Trent: They're gonna give daddy the Rainman suite, you dig that?
Mike: Do you think we'll get there by midnight?
Trent: Baby, we're going to be up five hundy by midnight!
Mike: Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh!
Trent: Vegas baby! Vegas!
Mike: Vegas!

-Swingers

The briefest of updates: I heard back from my manager about the Sci-Fi hosting gig. It's all very good news, but I can't talk about it until Monday.

Okay, maybe I can talk about it a little bit: They really liked me.

There are still about a million things that have to happen before it turns into a job for me, but at least I know that they liked me, and liked what I did. That's all I can ask for, right?

state of the exile

The day I got the WWdN database fixed, and had all the old WWdN entries rescued and readable was the day I found the path out of Exile.

Now that I know there are two ways out of this prison (in a pine box, or through that large opening over there that we all like to think of as "off limits, as a favor to me,") it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me to stay here.

Which brings me back to the Typepad vs. MT w/plugins issue. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I like about Typepad, that MT 3.2 doesn't have out of the box, and I came up with three things: Typepad has a great WYSIWYG editor, it easily and seamlessly handles uploading images and enclosures, like the RFB files, and all those little things on the right side are so easy to add and remove and update, I can't believe I ever did any hand-coding of tables and filled them with php includes (which I also had to create and edit by hand.)

But I miss WWdN, and all its lameness and non-W3C-compliance. I miss its out of date FAQ and musical suggestions. I miss its clunky archives and the sense that, even though it's a shitty house, it's my house, goddammit.

Redesigning issues aside, can I move back to WWdN and still have as much control as I have right now? And most important: will it be easy?

I've been playing around with three different editors that all have WYSIWYG editing, and various other features:

  • Flock, which is a browser that is built on top of Firefox with integrated blogging tools.
  • Performancing, which is a Firefox extension that puts a WYSISYG editor into your browser.
  • ecto, which is an editor and publishing tool that lets you compose and edit entries outside of your browser.

Flock is pretty cool. It's got a nice editor, and I especially like how it seamlessly integrates Flickr images and del.icio.us bookmarks into your blogging experience. It integrates lots of tools and appears geared toward blogging and anything which involves a tag. If I was all about that sort of thing, I'd be really into flock, but since I'm not, I can't see myself using it.

Performancing is also really nice. I love that it easily inserts technorati tags and adds del.icio.us bookmarks whenever you update one of your blogs, (if you want it to), and I love that it lets you see a ton of information on the page you're viewing. It's a free Firefox extension, and free is good.

But I think ecto is the way to go for me. It does all of the things that the other two do, and adds in too many features for me to list here. I was introduced to ecto when Xeni told me she uses it to update boingboing, and even though I have to buy a license for it, if it's good enough for boingboing, it's totally good enough for me.

Last night, while I was goofing off with ecto, I ended up quasi-live-blogging part of an episode of TNG:

I'm watching one of my favorite (and most heartbreaking) episodes of TNG, The Offspring. It's one of the best episodes we ever did, and it nearly reaches  --

UGH! There I am in the ugly grey space suit on Stage 9. I'm not acting very well right here, even though the scene is really about the Admiral. Nice package on Wesley, though. Eww. Gross.

Gods. Data has to say good bye to Lal now. This always makes me cry a little bit. Lal says, "I love you, father," and Data just looks at her and says, "I wish I could feel it, too."

It's such a testament to the writing in this episode (and the actors in the scene) that Data didn't end up doing a cheesy "I love you too," thing. It's so true to his character that he remains emotionally unattached, because Data doesn't have emotions. (I always thought it was an insanely stupid fucking move to give Data his emotion chip, like giving Geordi sight. Weak.)

Heh. I just said, "Course is set, sir." See? That's why I hated working on TNG in those days. Even though the episode is great, just saying those stupid lines bored me to. fucking. death.

Now G4 is running an ad for Star Trek 2.0, which I think is going to be the dumbest thing to happen to the original series in 40 years. And now, it's time for Futurama on [adult swim].

So I have three things left to do before I can return to WWdN (in this order):

  1. Find an editor that I like, that's easy to use and reliable. I'm pretty sure I've done that.
  2. Figure out a way to easily update modular content for the non-blog areas of the site. This feels like it should be fairly easy, but I haven't put all that much time into reading the MT forums or digging through the plug-ins. I suspect the answer is to use MT-Includes that are files linked to various MT Templates. Alternatively, I can figure out some sort of web-based php backend that will let me update all that information without having to go into an html editor offline, and ftp the damn thing whenever I want to make a chance. And don't even talk to me about ssh-ing into the server and using vi from a shell prompt. Those days are long behind me. This is, I think, the stickiest widget.
  3. Complete the re-design. We're working on this, and once we figure out a couple more things, it will go live very quickly.

 

March 15, 2006

laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.

-Swingers

The audtion yesterday was fantastic. I thought I'd be there for thirty minutes or so, but I ended up working with them for almost three hours (and making it home too late for my Tuesday night poker game.) I read with six different women who are all in the running to co-host the show, and I was shocked at how much fun I had. If I book the job, I'd be the geek, she'd be the babe, and everyone in the audience would have something to enjoy.

In fact, when I got home, I told Ryan, "Dude. I had the best afternoon: I got to sit with beautiful women and talk about Sci-Fi! Three of them were former Miss USA contestants, and one of them was Playmate of the Year for 2005."

"Dude." He said. "You are my hero."

I have this post-audition ritual: after I leave, I find the first trashcan and dump my sides in it. It's how I let go of the whole thing, because I've already done everything I can do, you know? I've pushed my chips into the pot with the best of it, and now I have to wait for five cards to come out and hope that I win when it's all over.

This time, I did dump the sides and my note cards (I have the notes on my Powerbook for easy re-printing, should I get called back) and I've tried to get on with my life . . . but holy shit is it hard. I had so much fun while I was there, and the prospect of getting a weekly gig where I get to geek out about Sci-Fi stuff -- and get paid to do it! -- is just too much. I've already called my manager twice today to see if we'd gotten any feedback.

"I haven't heard anything, yet," he said, the second time I called. "Normally, I'll call the next day, but if they don't call . . ."

"It's like you just met a girl in a bar, and you don't want to screw it up by calling too soon, isn't it?" I said.

He laughed. "Yeah, it's exactly like that."

"So . . . are we calling today?"

"I think it's best to wait until tomorrow, because they have to take your tapes to executives, get approvals, and all sorts of things."

"So, what, two days?" I said.

"Yeah, there's a lot of things that have to happen before they give us any feedback, so we'll just have to wait until we hear from them." He said. "Then there's the whole negotiation thing, too."

"You'll call me, right?"

"I'll call you right away." He said.

I hung up the phone and looked at the calendar. I thought about drawing a circle around the 17th. I may have done it.

I'm sure I'm going to feel like a real jerk if this doesn't happen, but I love this feeling of excitement and optimism that I have right now. It's much nicer than the usual alternative.

made of plastic and elastic

Dresdendolls_1 The Dresden Dolls are on a grueling tour right now, and Amanda is writing about it in her blog, which is wonderful and a great example of why we should always trade quantity for quality.

There's an entry this morning which touched a nerve with me. She's talking about the new album:

The reviews are 98% amazing, but we will focus on the 2% that think the music is terrible and the lyrics are trite and overdramatic. How does one scrape oneself out of the goth pigeon coop? This has been a problem from day one. I never thought that wearing whiteface on stage would land us in the predicament of being compared to Marilyn Manson. Are you shitting me? Have you listened to our music, fool? We have as much in common with Marilyn Manson as we do with Cher. Did people lump KISS and david bowie together?

I had a lot of frustrations with O'Reilly and the release of Just A Geek, but the worst thing of all was that they classified my autobographical, narrative non-fiction story as "Science Fiction," because I was once on a Sci-Fi show. That's as idiotic as comparing the Dresden Dolls to Marilyn Manson, and a great way to limit the potential audience.

When someone doesn't like my work, there's not a lot I can do about it; I try to dig something constructive out of it, and move along. But when someone just doesn't get it, and uses an entirely inappropriate comparison or categorizes me with another artist based on something as stupid as what kind of makeup I wear on stage (ahem), it makes me want to deliver the cockpunch.

I don't know what it is about artists, but so many of us can't ignore the bad reviews. It's almost like we think that they know something real, something secret, something that nobody else is willing to tell us. I think that, deep down, we all know that this thing we've created really doesn't suck, so we listen to all the people who want to convince us that it does. It's like we have a dysfunctional, battered-person relationship with some invisible force called The Critics.

delivery for i.c. weiner

I absolutely love that one particular kind of pepperoni pizza that you get at the mini golf course.

You know the one: it's cardboardy, the pepperonis are usually burnt a little bit, and the cheese burns the everlovingfuck out of your mouth when you bite into it, just before it slides off in one whole piece and sticks to your chin or falls onto your Journey concert shirt.

If I could eat that pizza while I listened to Hall & Oates and played Space Invaders, I could be in fourth grade for the rest of my life.

March 14, 2006

there are many copies

Cylon I have an audition this afternoon to host a Sci-Fi show, and one of the things they're asking us to do is conduct a mock interview with Edward James Olmos.

If I book this show, I'll solicit questions from WWdN readers for the interesting guests whenever I can, so, without revealing any spoilers (I'm only on episode 5 of season 2.0), if you could ask him anything about Battlestar Galactica, what would it be?

To be clear: I'm not actually going to talk with him. It will probably be a casting assistant, but they will want to see that I understand my subject, know how to move an interview along and react to the subject's natural ebb and flow, and make with the occasional funny. I'm also pretty sure that I'm in a very unique position, with the ability to connect with WWdN readers and take a consensus question (does that make sense?) back to the interviews.

I think I'll ask him the most controversial question I can come up with: Is Deckard a Replicant?

He won't answer, but then again, who does?

Update: Thanks for your questions and discussion. For me, personally, I want to know about the father aspects of Adama and find out if it's intentional that that thread of nurturing and inspiration runs through all of the great characters he's played over the years (I suspect it is.) I also want to know how he's dealing with being the new Picard/Kirk/Sisko/Malcolm character, and if he would speak at conventions, and get involved in all that fandom stuff that we all love so much.

I think I'll present the WWdN consensus as: "Do you feel vindicated that your BSG is widely seen as the best SF series ever, especially since you advised original series fans (who were highly critical before the miniseries even aired) not to watch? Does it feel as cool to be a part of this as we all think it is?" I'll mix in some comments about how there are TNG parallels, and then I'll ask him if he'd like to grab a Flaming Moe after he show.

Well, I'm off now, so wish me broken legs!

March 13, 2006

odeo, eventful, isolatr

I have added Radio Free Burrito to Odeo.com, so if you're an Odeo user, you can subscribe to the RFB, and do whatever you do when you're an Odeo podcast listening guy. Or girl. Or flaming-moe-juggler. While you're at Odeo, you can also listen to a bumper from All Over The Place (which needs a little more cowbell, but is still cool, and was created by the same guy who created the hawesome "trust him, he's famous" RFB bumper.) Speaking of RFB, I found a band I like so much, I sent an e-mail to their label asking for permission to share one of their songs on a future podcast. I'll let you know if they laugh at me.

Eventful is a service similar to Upcoming.org, which allows you to find out when an artist or event you dig is coming to a venue near you. What sets Eventful apart is a spiffy feature that allows people to let artists, authors, flaming-moe-jugglers and actors turned bloggers turned writers that there is a demand for them to appear in your hometown.

This is an extremely cool and useful tool for performers and their fans, because it lets us all know where it makes the most sense to schedule an event. For example, right now there is a demand for me to come speak or read or set up a spectacular display of dominoes that displays the Fijian flag and launches a balloon at the end in San Diego. But what if you're not in San Diego? What if you're in Phoenix? What if you're in Chicago? What if you go to college in West Virginia? The cool thing Eventful lets you do is create your own demand, for your own area, and then share that demand (via e-mail or a blog, or an EAM or a complex series of rebus puzzles) with your friends from the same area, so they can join the demand. When enough people let an artist (or me) know that they're interested in a performance, or a demon-purging in their town, the artist (or snake handler) knows that it's worth his or her or its time and effort to come to your town. So what makes the "demand" thingy so cool is that fans can let performers know that there is a demand for them, and where that demand is. So if you want me to come bake bannana bread in Eugene, Oregon, but there's already a demand for me in Portland, make a demand of your own, and if Eugene ends up with more demands than Portland, guess where I'm taking my ultra-portable oven?

I've added an eventful demandy-thingy over there on the right side of my blog, which you can use to let me know if you want me to come to your town for a reading, or a flaming-moe-juggling, or maybe even a sketch comedy or improv performance. I haven't decided what the critical mass for me to come out is, and I suppose I'll cry bitter tears of defeat when no more than 15 people want me to come anywhere. Thanks for nothing! And to think I played my harmonica for you while we were on the rocket ship X-M!

Finally, I've been skipping around all sorts of social network bookmark groupthink zeitgeist things lately, and I think I finally found the one for me. Created by my friend and occasional partner in crime, it is called isolatr.

Grand Slam 2006 - Day Three

Riley woke me up at 6 on Sunday morning. Then Ferris re-woke me up at 7:30. I finally gave in and got out of bed at 8. On a Sunday. So very, very wrong.

I moved in ultimate slow motion and didn't get to the convention until just before noon. I set my stuff up on my little table, sat down, and thirty seconds later discovered that I really didn't want to be there. It was cold, I was tired, the crowd was very, very small, and the people on stage were too interesting to miss.

So I packed up my stuff, trucked it back to my car, grabbed my camera and iRiver, and did something I haven't done for years: I walked around the Grand Slam convention as a fan.

I listened to astronauts talk about doing for real what I used to do for fakes, which was nothing new for me (I've had the great fortune to meet and talk with several different astronauts over the years) but is also something I will never, ever, take for granted. These guys have been telling the same stories for nearly forty years, but whenever they talk about blasting off, or looking back at Earth from orbit, they could have just stepped out of the capsule after landing. Their enthusiasm for science and their ability to infect their audience with the same is something everyone should get a chance to experience at least once. I'm thrilled that Creation is bringing astronauts to their shows, and I hope they do more in the future.

After their talks, I wandered over to the dealer's room, and took a few pictures. I'm happy to say that I only spent $15 before I left, on the coolest bit of geek ephemera I've seen in a long time (I purchased the d20 keychain) before heading back over to the main auditorium to listen to Ron Moore speak.

I knew Ron was coming to the show, because I'd read it in his blog late Saturday night, and I hoped that I'd get a chance to talk with him one-on-one, but I didn't expect that I'd run right into him backstage before he went on.

He lit up when he saw me for the first time in over fifteen years, and my prepared speech about how I didn't know if he remembered me flew out of my head. In one of those "hand on the car" moments, a series of images flashed through my mind in an instant, as I recalled some of the things he did for my character: Yesterday's Enterprise, the first time I got to do something really different on the bridge; The First Duty, the first (and only) time we saw Wesley interact with his peers, act his age, and witness his angst-ridden humanity; and Journey's End, the first (and only) time we saw Wesley as an adult, willing to take a principled stand against his father figure, Captain Picard. I felt a surge of emotion well up in my chest, and before I knew the words were coming out of my mouth, I said, "When we worked together on TNG, I was too young, and too immature to appreciate what you gave me as an actor, and what you did for my character. I know it's fifteen years late, but I wanted to say thank you."

He smiled warmly. "Thank you," he said. "It really means a lot to me to hear that."

I wanted so badly to tell him how I'd do anything in the world to be on his show, but I couldn't think of a way to say that without spoiling the moment, or coming off like a schmuck, so I just congratulated him on the success of the show, and asked him if he had as much creative control as he wanted.

"I do," he said. "I'm very lucky to work with great people, and the network is very supportive of what we want to do. Of course, we battle, but they are always good battles that make the show better."

He was called onto the stage before we could talk any longer, and as he stepped through the curtain to absolutely deafening applause, I felt happy. I've discovered that all I want to do as an artist (whether it's acting, writing, or whatever) is make something that matters to people; and I know that to be true for all the artists I know, particularly the writers. Ron, like Joss Whedon, has done that, and I felt happy for him in that weird i-was-just-talking-to-you way when the crowd went nuts for him.

I recorded some of what he said on my iRiver; it'll be on a future episode of RFB.

When Ron was done, I wandered around the con some more, talked to a lot of people, and managed to completely miss BIlly West's talk, where I hear he announced that there will be new episodes of Futurama on FOX either later this year or early next year. I spoke with Billy after he was done, and he gave me enough industry-specific details to assure me that this is for real, so get ready for hawesomeness.

By this time, my lungs were gasping for air and --

Sorry. Nerdy MST3K reference that 5% of you will understand. I should also point out that nobody will be admitted during the exciting rock climbing portion of the film.

By this time, I was really hungry, so I grabbed Rod Roddenberry and his girlfriend Heidi, and we went across the street to the Yardhouse for pizza and beer and sashimi and beer and grilled chicken sandwiches and beer. When we were younger, Rod and I goofed off on the set whenever we got the chance, and as we've grown older, we've spent a lot of time sharing stories about his dad. Rod is an amazing person, and in ways that we both understand but can't vocalize to anyone but each other, we're like long-lost half-brothers. It's always fantastic to spend time with him, and my only real regret for the whole weekend is that we didn't have more time to catch up and goof off.

After we ate, it was nearly 5:30, and I had to pick the kids up at 6, so I made my way back through the convention hall to say some goodbyes. On my way in, someone said to me, "Frakes was talking smack about you onstage," and I instantly knew that Jonathan told the "you used to be cool" story. I laughed out loud and hoped wished there was some way I could stop time long enough to visit with him.

I found Jonathan backstage, and said, "I can tell, just by looking at you . . . "

"That you used to be cool," he said. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me.

"W," he said, "it is so great to see you."

"You too," I said.

"Are you on your way out, or are you hanging around?" He said.

"I have to go pick up the kids," I said.

"How are they?"

"They're great. They're teenagers now, you know."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Man, we are getting so old!" I noticed that the impish glint I loved when we worked together, and always look for when I see him, was still in his eye.

"Are you well?" He said.

"Mostly," I said. "You?"

"I am great, man."

We talked as long as we could, about kids, and houses, and Star Trek and work and wives and all the things that I never could have talked about when I was younger. I just adore Jonathan, and I was genuinely sad when I saw that I had to leave to get the kids.

"I gotta go, Jonny," I said, "and I hope that it won't be a year again before I get to see you, but i'm pretty sure it will be."

"You look great, W," he said. Then he pointed at the huge screen that made up the back of the stage. "But not as good as Avery."

Avery Brooks did look great. He looked cooler than Shaft, and more stylish than anyone else in the convention hall.

"He's really fucking up the cool curve for us, isn't he?" I said.

"Ah, don't worry, W," he said with a grin. "I can tell just by looking at you that you used to be cool."

"You too," I said.

March 11, 2006

Grand Slam 2006 - Day Two

Oh man, what a great day!

Firefly panel: HAWESOME.
G4 booth babes: HAWESOME
Talking with Brent: HAWESOME.
Reading and Q&A: HAWESOME.

I'm just too damn tired to get into the details now, but I have lots of great notes, and I recorded my entire talk for a future RFB.

I'm going to fall into bed, now.

Update: Actually, there is one thing really worth adding right now, while the memory of it is still more visceral than intellectual.

The last question I took during my Q&A (the first I've done in several years) was about Michael Piller. A woman asked me if I could comment on Michael, and what it was like to work with him. All my comments are recorded, but they can be distilled down to this: Michael was brilliant, and he made The Next Generation great. When I was done, and sadly after I'd switched off my recorded, Harry Kloor, a friend of mine who is an accomplished writer and producer, walked up to the stage, and he said, "I wrote for Michael. He was like a father to all of us."

I turned the microphone back on, and told the crowd, "There's something I think you should hear, that's important."

I gave the mic to Harry, and he said, "I just told Wil that Michael was like a father to all of his writers. He could be stern, he could be tough, he could be nurturing, and he could be supportive. And he made all of us want to be -- no, he made us better writers."

I thought it was a wonderful tribute to Michael's memory and his legacy: he didn't just leave us with amazing television like Star Trek and The Dead Zone; Michael also helped a lot of writers discover and achieve their potential. He cast a stone into a pond, and the ripples (like Battlestar Galactica, for one) are just beginning to show.
 

March 10, 2006

Grand Slam 2006 - Day One

"The mind spends most of the time lost in fantasies and illusions, reliving pleasant or unpleasant experiences and anticipating the future with eagerness or fear. While lost in such cravings or aversions, we are unaware of what is happening now, what we are doing now. Yet surely this moment, now, is the most important for us. We cannot live in the past; it is gone. Nor can we live in the future; it is forever beyond our grasp. We can live only in the present. If we are unaware of our present actions, we are condemned to repeating the mistakes of the past and can never succeed in attaining our dreams for the future. But if we can develop the ability to be aware of the present moment, we can use the past as a guide for ordering our actions in the future, so that we may attain our goal". --S.N. Goenka, The Art of Living

Thank you, Michael, for the above quote.

The convention was pretty fun today, even though it was freezing cold in the room where I was set up. It's Friday, so the crowds were very light (probably 600 people total in the whole place today) which gave me time to visit with old friends, and spend lots of time with the few fans who stopped by my table to chat.

Two long-time WWdN readers stopped by, and shared some incredibly supportive and kind thoughts after reading my blog the last few days. That was really, really thoughtful and cool. Thank you.

I sold about 10% of the limited edition chapbooks -- which, I must say, turned out to be really fantastic. I am so glad I had a printer do them for me, rather than trying to assemble them on my own.

The coolest thing happened: about half of the people who bought the chapbook returned within thirty minutes or so to tell me how much they liked it. One woman told me she loved it, and couldn't wait to hear me perform material from it tomorrow. That made me feel really good, and validated the work I put into the stories, and putting the book together.

There was a camera crew there today, from a well-known late night talk show, and they wanted to talk to me and Chase Masterson. I told them no, because it was clear that they were only there to make Star Trek fans look like assholes, and I wasn't going to be part of that. For fuck's sake, you guys: these people are here because they love Star Trek, or Lost, or Firefly, or whatever. They're thrilled to be around like-minded people where it's totally cool to dress up and challenge each other to quote-offs. They're not here so you can laugh at them, you jerks.

Because the crowds were so light, I got to wander the dealer's room, and really take in all the cool stuff that I used to get so excited about back in the old days; things like FASA Star Trek RPG sourcebooks, classic Star Wars toys  . . .

[cheesy fade effect, and some appropriate music, please.]

At one point, I walked past a booth that had lots of classic Star Wars toys in it. I glanced in, and my eyes fell on an original Darth Vader's TIE Fighter. I had that toy when I was a kid, and just looking at it was like those car commercials where the guy touches the car, and he gets this rapid-fire burst of images until he takes his hand off of it. I saw that toy, and was assaulted by this rapid-fire burst of images of riding in the car to KMart with my parents, hoping to buy a new Star Wars toy, playing with the toys on the gold shag carpeting in front of the brick fireplace in the house in Sunland, running around the back yard in the fading evening light in the dummer of 1980, me piloting the TIE fighter, chasing my brother who piloted a snow speeder. (We weren't afraid to combine Star Wars and He*Man, so why not combine Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back?)

[cheesy fade effect, and some appropriate music, please.]

I know I only stood there and looked at it for a few seconds, but it felt like several minutes. I like it when things like that happen.

I also got lots of audio to use in a future podcast, and some of it is really cool. I'll have a Grand Slam podcast next week, probably.

Tomorrow is going to be a great day. The crowds are expected to hit near 2000, and the several cast members from Firefly and Lost will be giving talks. I'm pretty sure I'll leave my table during the Firefly talks, and I'm going to try to get Morena Baccarin to tell me that she loves me. Failing that, I'll see if I can get Adam Baldwin to do the same.

And on that incredibly uncomfortable note, I'm going to open a Newcastle, and go watch some TV with my wife.

March 9, 2006

Radio Free Burrito Episode 8

Shellymortonlogo Today, it's a brief political rant (you have been warned), then it's all questions and answers, no stupid meta-talk about what I'm going to do, just getting down to it and having a good time.

A lot of people have asked if I can change the numbering of the episodes; I did that on this one. It's called 008.RadioFreeBurrito. I hope that works for ya.

Show Notes:

  • This episode is long. In fact, it's way over an hour, so . . . uh . . . get comfortable, I guess. It's 25.6 MB (!)
  • If I didn't answer your question here, it's not a reflection on you or your question; it just means that I couldn't think of a worthwhile answer.
  • I feel like I hit my stride somewhere around the thirty-minute mark. I could feel a change in my body, and I felt more relaxed, more entertained, and happier. I think it comes across in the show, so I thought I'd comment on it.
  • Also, at the 33-minute mark, where I'm talking about "Americanizing Shelly," Garageband band ran out of space, so I had to export, open a new file, and combine the two in Audacity (yeah, I forgot to set the time and tempo to allow for maximum talky-talky. It's jarring, but you didn't miss anything good, I promise.
  • A picture of me posing with Pigs-n-Space can be seen at the Muppet Wiki. Oh my. Thanks, mdstudio. I think.
  • Comments can be sent to podcast at wil wheaton dot net, questions can be sent to ask at wil wheaton dot net. Please use a descriptive subject line.
  • The image I chose for this show was sent to me by WWdN:iX reader Shelly. Thanks, Shelly!
  • Radio Free Burrito is released under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.

Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoy it.

Download 008RadioFreeBurrito.mp3

Update: Your friendly local .torrent creator, Brian shook his magic tree and look what fell out:

High (orig):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/008RadioFreeBurrito.mp3.torrent

Low (mono, VBR bit rate range 0-24, 13 MB):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/008RadioFreeBurrito-low.mp3.torrent

Mirror for the Low..
http://www.badmonkies.com/rfb/008RadioFreeBurrito-low.mp3

This file is one of the biggest yet, so use the mirrors and seed the .torrent, if you can. Thanks, Brian!

Updated again to add: My Odeo Channel (odeo/0d0d9ccd150172dd) (So I can claim it. Ding!)

some air to breathe and something to believe

"We've all had our ups and downs
It's been mostly down around here
Now this whole damn mess is becoming quite clear"
-Uncle Tupelo, Life Worth Living

Thank you for all your feedback on the podcast and the blog. Many more people responded than I expected, and virtually all of you wondered if I actually read what you wrote. I don't have time to respond to each e-mail directly, which feels shitty and disrespectful to me (you took the time, so why can't I?) but I think I can put here, for everyone, what I'd put into lots of different e-mails. I took it all to heart, and I am deeply grateful to everyone who saw my signal flare, and sent back one of their own.

So. Two things I suspected were confirmed. The first: I can't please everyone, so I'm just going to please myself. That sounds dirty. Let me try a different way: For every person who said they didn't like the "sacchrine stories about my family" someone said they loved the "heartwarming stories about family life." For every person who said "I wish you'd write more about politics" someone said, "I'm glad you don't write about politics very much." Everyone liked the narrative-style poker stories, and nobody likes the dry, technical poker posts. I agree. That's why I moved most of my poker content to CardSquad. I haven't had many stories to tell, but when I have a story that's more like Odessa than a dry retelling of the flop, turn and river, I'll publish it again.

Lots of you came here for different reasons: Star Trek, movies, gaming, technology, politics, family stories. I noticed that most writers wanted to hear more of whatever brought them here in the first place and less of everything else. I've said before that attempting to please everybody results in pleasing nobody, so I'll just have to write about all of those things when they strike me, and hopefully when I'm interested I'll be interesting and worth both of our time.

Thing the second: the general theme, from people who I know in real life to people who have read me for years, to people who have just been reading for a few months: my blog, once interesting, has become average and lacks passion.

My blog, which is a reflection of my life, has become average because I've allowed it to happen. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but at least I'm aware of it, and I can begin the long and painful process of ripping myself out of my average rut, and moving to where I want to be.

I've been reading a lot of Seth Godin's blog, and his book The Purple Cow. In Purple Cow, Seth says that the first few cows you see are really interesting, but they eventually blur together and you forget about them. Then you see a purple cow, and it's extraordinary, and you take notice, and you can't believe you were ever impressed by a regular old cow. He uses it as a metaphor for marketers, but it applies to anyone who produces some sort of media or entertainment; it certainly applies to me.

Years ago, my Purple Cow was obvious: I was one of the first well-known actors to openly write about the experience. And there was that whole Wesley Crusher thing. Nobody else was doing what I did, so it was extraordinary. Over the years, I've fallen onto the other side of the bell curve, and now I find myself squarely in "average" land.

What do I do to paint my cow again? I'm not sure. Obviously, getting work as an actor again would be nice, and fire up my passions; working on some real fiction would also do that.

The excerpt I published yesterday is part of a very short story (it's only about 2000 words) but it's a start. I'm doing some work on it (changing from first to third person, for one) and I'm looking forward to publishing it next week. Maybe that will kick off something new for me that makes it worth your while to drop by my blog.

In many ways, I feel like I've run really hard, and really fast, and ended up right back where I started.

I know I'm a good actor, and I know that I can connect with an audience and do extraordinary work. That's not enough to close the gap between me sitting in an audition, and me getting hired. So I'm right back where I was five years ago.

Anne's ex isn't supporting his kids, putting the burden on me and Anne, and getting away with it. I'm right back where I was five years ago.

I'm struggling, creatively unfulfilled, filled with self-doubt and more than a little bit of self lothing. I'm right back where I was five years ago.

And you know what? I'm really sad that I've failed as an actor. I'm really sad that, even though I tried so hard my whole life to develop this skill, and even though I know I'm extremely good at it, I have failed to have any lasting success with it. It's not my fault, I don't think, -- well, other than the reasons I detail in Just A Geek (which makes a lovely gift) -- that the entertainment industry lost interest in me and what I bring to the party, but when I'm not acting in some capacity, I feel like a big part of my soul is dead. Writing helps, a little bit, but it's like methadone to acting's heroin. I'd love to find a play to do around town, or do another sketch comedy show, or do some improv, but the unavoidable, brutal truth is that I can't afford to. I don't have the time to devote to it, but I have to somehow find it, and walk a dangerous, delicate, precarious and fine line between providing for my family, spending time with (and enjoying) my family, and hitting the acting needle as frequently and as hard as I can without becoming a gutter burnout.

It's tough to write anything from the inside of my heart lately, because I feel like I'm just a big stupid crybaby. In my brains, I know that things could be a lot, lot worse (I know that, really I do, and because I know that I'm reluctant to even publish any of these thoughts) but in my heart and soul, I feel defeated.

Just completely defeated. And I don't have enough time. And. And. And.

I know that I have the tools and the power to turn this feeling of defeat into something better, and I know that I'm indulging a whole lot of self-pity . . . but at least I'll admit it, and own that feeling.

This is part of the journey, I guess. Maybe being where I was five years ago isn't so bad. Five years ago, I had a lot of really great stuff to write about, and a very Purple Cow to share.

March 8, 2006

not what you expected to see

Anne just told me this:

"Last night, I walked down the hallway, past Nolan's room. I looked in, and saw that he was in his bed, with the light off, snuggled up next to Riley [who sleeps on his bed -- all 47 pounds of her.]

"I said, 'Hey, pookie, are you going to sleep?'

"He looked up at me, and said, 'No, mom, I'm just layin' here.' He paused for a second and added,  'Here's your sign.'"

I'm still laughing.

Radio Free Burrito Episode 7

Marclogo Well, here's episode seven. I went over ten minutes, but I think that's okay. This episode focuses on two things: how the ten minute challenge is going, and how the blog in general is going. Warning: I'm feeling really unhappy right now, and I talk about that, too.

Show Notes:

Here ya go:

Download radio_free_burrito_episode_seven.mp3

Update: Your friendly neighborhood torrent maker Brian has done his thing:

High (orig):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_seven.mp3.torrent

Low (mono, VBR bit rate range 0-24, 2.8 megs):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_seven-low.mp3.torrent

Mirror for the Low..
http://www.badmonkies.com/rfb/radio_free_burrito_episode_seven-low.mp3

(Thanks, Brian!)

head down in the rain

I finished work on the chapbook last night, and as soon as I get an illustration from Ben (who did all the art for Dancing Barefoot), it's going to a local print shop. I doubt I'll have it on Friday, but I will have it at the convention on Saturday and Sunday. Oh, and I gave it a title. It's called "More Than This."

I spent the first half of today working on Games of our Lives, then had an epiphany (to be discussed on today's RFB) that lead me to write a fictional short story called Language Barrier.

It's with my editor, but I have a little excerpt which I can share now:

I became aware of voices behind me. Two women. They spoke with heavy Russian accents.

"Martina," one of them said, "you don't understand. He пребывания вне поздно, никогда не выбирают вверх после себя, and doesn't even know me!" 

"Sophia, вы возбужены --" She was older than the first.

"I am not excited, and don't talk to me like I am a child. Будете вы моим другом или не?"

"Of course I'm your friend. And of course I want you to be happy --"

"So why won't you support me?"

An Escalade pulled up in front of the restaurant, bass thumping, temporarily turning the window into a mirror. I caught a glimpse of their reflection: Martina, the older one, faced away from me. Her hair was huge and processed. She wore a light colored top. Sophia, younger, had black hair and pale skin. The Escalade drove away and I squinted my eyes against the midday sun. I looked down at the tan line on my left hand. Two months and it still hadn't gone away. Two months and I still felt bitter, when I didn't feel numb. Two months and I was alone in a restaurant, fantasizing about fucking a girl I hadn't even seen, based on her sexy Russian accent.

More to come . . .

question for Charlie Parker fans

I'm looking to add a Charlie Parker record to my Jazz collection. I already have The Essential Charlie Parker, and Diz 'N Bird at Carnegie Hall.

Anyone have a suggestion? Bonus points if I can get it on iTunes Music Store, for instant gratificiation.

March 7, 2006

makes jack a dull boy

Homercrazy I'm working like crazy on this chapbook, so it's been a day of intense output, with Real Jazz on XM to provide me some inspiring input. I've narrowed it down to three stories across about 17 pages, and it's going to be pretty damn cool, even if I say so myself.

Jesusmotherallahbuddha, I really need to get out of the house, and stretch my legs and my brains. Just walking the dogs around the block between thunderstorms isn't doing it for me. I'm going nuts here.

I really need to get the hell out of suburbia, man. I think there's a trip up to Lucky Baldwin's in my very near future, so if you see a guy sitting at the end of the bar surrounded by empty glasses which were formerly pints of Guinness, scribbling like mad in a Molskine notebook, approach with caution (or with another pint.)

To take a little break tonight, though, I'm playing in my weekly WWdN game at PokerStars. It starts in 20 minutes, so if you're interested in goofing off with some poker nerds and me (redundant redundant) fire up the client and go to Tourneys -> Private and look for WWdN #17.

Speaking of PokerStars, my friends from the marketing department sent me a TON of hats, T-shirts, and cool 'Stars schwag to give away at the convention this weekend.

Ryan and I keep quoting this line from Family Guy: "And I, uh, thought that dogs, uh, laid eggs. So, so, so I, uh, I learned something today."

and

"Hey! Where's my money?!"

Okay, back to work for fifteen minutes, then it's poker time.

Radio Free Burrito Episode 6

Towerlogo Here is Radio Free Burrito Episode Six, as the great ten-minutes-per day experiment moves on to day two. I've already figured out that ten minutes is just not enough time for a long-winded, tangent-prone guy like myself, so I don't know if trading off manageable time for more content is really worth it. We'll find out in a few days, I guess.

Thank you so much to everyone who has sent in logos! Holy crap, you are a talented bunch of people. I'm going to try on lots of different ones this week, send them all out on dates with the Crushinator, and figure out which logo will be permanent via a reality tv show in the coming weeks. If you haven't sent your logo idea in, please don't feel like you missed the boat; I'd still love to see what you guys come up with, and there's a very good chance I'll be able to use more than one logo for different things.

Show Notes:

  • I am a moran. I know it's episode six, but I say "This is episode seven" at the beginning. Numbers, like math, are hard. I blame it on the date, the rain, and a bad spot of corned beef.
  • The website I talked about is ChangeThis.com.
  • My tune is called Heroes, and it was created in GarageBand. I may release it on its own at some point in the future.
  • As I mentioned near the end of the show, I'll be offering a signed, limited edition chapbook preview of a few stories from Do You Want Kids With That at the convention this weekend. If I have any left over after the show, I'll sell whatever's left through my blog.
  • The intro music is Atomic, by Blondie.
  • Comments can be sent to podcast at wil wheaton dot net, questions can be sent to ask at wil wheaton dot net. Please use a descriptive subject line.
  • The image I chose for this show was sent to me by WWdN:iX reader Chuck, from airbrushmypic.com.
  • Radio Free Burrito is released under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.
  • This episode is 10:19 and weighs in at 4.4 MB.

Anyway, here it is. Your feedback is always appreciated, and thanks for listening.

Download radio_free_burrito_episode_six.mp3

Update: Torrent Master Brian says:

Here's Episode 6? (You start off by saying Ep 7)

High (orig):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_six.mp3.torrent

Low (mono, VBR bit rate range 0-24, 1.8 megs):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_six-low.mp3.torrent

Mirror for the Low..
http://www.badmonkies.com/rfb/radio_free_burrito_episode_six-low.mp3

Thanks, Brian! And thanks for pointing out my lameness on the numbering. I've updated the show notes accordingly.

how about a wwdnbot for aim?

danger, will robinson Jason says that AOL is opening up AIM to third party developers. This is pretty cool, and is a strange coincidence, because I had an idea for an AIMBot yesterday.

Wouldn't it be cool if you could build your own bot, which would be relevant to your audience, and let them add it to their buddy list?

For example, if I did a WWdNBot, you could talk to it like an old irc bot, by asking it FAQs, or askng it if I had any appearances coming up, or when the next book would be released, or something like that. I could also use it to automatically tell you when I updated my blog, with a link to the entry.

Or how about a FarkBot, which tells you when a new headline hits the main page (with a link) and would tell you about Fark cliches?

Or a SuicidegirlsBot which would tell you when a friend's journal was updated, a new item was on the newswire, or your favorite girl had released a new photoset?

I know that most of this is just another way of using RSS feed-style information, but doesn't the interactivity and immediacy of an instant message seem cool?

As I understand it, if you want to hook into the AIM API, you have to cough up a significant fee to AOL, so I don't see rampant 'bot development happening any time soon, but if AOL decided to dump the fees (maybe they could add a line after the message that says, "brought to you by [sponsor]" if they wanted to make up for lost fees, and sell the adspace) and a company like blogger or sixapart incorporated some easy to use code for their customers (add "wake up the bot" to "send trackbacks" or whatever), we could have an entirely new -- and very cool -- method of communicating with each other.

Okay, people who are more tech-savvy than me: tear this idea apart.

(photo via flickr user drp)

March 6, 2006

Radio Free Burrito Episode 5

15118203_32335060cf_m I issued myself a challenge a few weeks ago: do one ten-minute podcast a day for a week. Then I went and got sick, and wasn't in any shape to do begin the challenge . . . until tonight.

I thought that it would be very manageable to commit ten minutes per day to do a show, but don't know if I like the format; ten minutes is hardly enough time to get started, let alone do an entire show, so I will thank in advance those of you who endure this little experiment with me over the next few days. I am nearly positive that by the end of the week, I'll be back to 37 minutes at a time.

Oh, and before I get into the show notes: does someone want to do a Radio Free Burrito logo? I am thinking something simple that is inspired by the old RKO logo (a radio tower on top of the earth) or something similar like that. I'm a big fan of simple, 1940s-looking radio design, if you know what I'm talking about.

If any of you guys with crazy Photoshop or GIMP skills want to send me something, I'd love to see it. If I pick your design, I'll give you credit by name and with a link to your website or blog, and I'll send you an autographed book. I should probably put in some legal language, like, uh, anything you send me becomes my property, and I can do whatever I want with it, even put it into a shotgun wedding with the Crushinator. You can put "Wil Wheaton's Radio Free Burrito" and use the tagline ". . . an interesting podcast" if you want.

Here are a few show notes for this very brief episode:

  • The music comes from Mike Doughty's "Down on the River by the Sugar Plant," which is on Skittish and Rockity Roll. I just realized that I used a song which you can't download from his site by mistake, so I hope he doesn't sue me or kick my ass. In any case, I encourage you to buy his albums, because they totally fucking rule.
  • Comments can be sent to podcast at wil wheaton dot net, questions can be sent to ask at wil wheaton dot net. Please use a descriptive subject line.
  • Radio Free Burrito is released under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.5 License.
  • This episode is 10:16 and weighs in at 4.1 MB.

Okay, that's it for today. I hope you enjoy the abbreviated Radio Free Burrito. Thanks for listening. 

Download radio_free_burrito_episode_five.mp3

(photo via flickr user Eris23)

Update - Thank to to everyone who sent in (or linked to) logos. There are so many cool logos, I will probably use several of them this week before I settle on an "official" RFB logo. I appreciate your time and creative efforts, everyone!

Also, WWdN:iX reader and Head Torrent Monkey Brian has your high and low torrent needs covered:

High (orig):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_five.mp3.torrent

Low (mono, VBR bit rate range 0-24, 1.8 megs):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_five-low.mp3.torrent

Mirror for the Low..
http://www.badmonkies.com/rfb/radio_free_burrito_episode_five-low.mp3

Thanks, Brian!

Handhelds!

Mattelfootball When I was seven years old, my dad had one of those Mattel handheld football games, and I loved it. I bet if you grabbed a few Gen X-ers and told them to close their eyes, they'd all be able to identify that game by the click-click-click-chirrrrp! sound which is as linked to that game as "D'Oh!" is to Homer Simpson.

As a member of the video game generation, I've been through most of the console systems, watched the rise and fall of video arcades, and written extensively about some very memorable games. I am a sucker for anything that celebrates the games of our lives, and  Donald Melanson's A Brief History of Handheld Videogames at Engadget is hawesome. He starts at the aforementioned (and pictured) Mattel Football, and works his way through the Atari Lynx, past all the incarnations of the Gameboy, to the PSP.

We've come a long way in the last 28 years, baby.

on the rise of trollblogs

I don't know Robert Scoble at all, other than meeting him and drooling over his tablet PC at Gnomedex a couple of years ago, but I read his blog pretty faithfully, even though he works for the Borg. He's a smart, insightful guy, and I read him for the same reason I read Seth Godin and Bruce Schneier: when I'm done with their blogs, I always feel smarter and more enlightened. These guys make me want to have a deeper understanding of the issues that affect all of us who make our livings on the Internets.

Over the weekend, Robert wrote a post about unsubscribing from memeorandum that really resonated with me. In his words:

Reading Dave Winer this morning made me realize I’m just falling down a dark hole. It’s the same hole I was in in the 1990s when I posted about 100,000 items on various newsgroups: in a group the writer is in control, not the reader.

I miss my RSS reading. Reading RSS makes me smarter, not snarkier. Why? Cause I choose who I’m going to read. Pick smart people to read and you’ll get smarter.

Hint, the smartest people in my RSS are usually the least snarky. Why? Cause they could give a f**k about all the traffic.

Why is all the snark going on? Cause everyone wants traffic. Why did I call this the John Dvorakification? Cause he figured out in the 1980s (yes, he’s been at this so long) that if you attack a community (particularly the Apple one) that everyone will get all up in arms and will start talking about the attack. That translates into traffic. Traffic = advertising dollars.

Trolling online is nothing new, but trolling to drive traffic to your blog and make money is definitely on the rise. I first noticed this new trend a few months ago when this guy obsessively attacked blogging.la for weeks, with copious links back to his own blog, where he did little more than bitch about what other people were doing. I'm sure it was a coincidence that the people he was complaining about all happened to be high-traffic blogs, right? I've also noticed a disturbing increase in blogs which try very hard to be sarcastic and acerbic, but just end up being cruel and mean . . . and of course draw a lot of links from the widely-read bloggers they target.

So why do these people do this? In a comment on Scoble's blog, reader billg said:

Ah, Grasshopper, you have learned the secret of Talk Radio. If you make half your audience Mad As Hell while the other half wear a self-congratulatory Ego-Boosting Smirk, then they’ll all tune in tomorrow.

An awful lot of blogs — especially political blogs — draw traffic this way. Their comment sections have all the attributes of a bar fight. Maybe we ought to christen them “Talks Blogs”.

Bloggers should never censor their opinions because they may be controversial; the whole point of this medium is that we all have the ability to express ourselves on a relatively equal footing, and we can learn a lot from each other when we disagree about things. But bloggers who stir up controversy where there is none, or intentionally attack other bloggers for the sake of generating traffic to their blog are just like UseNet trolls and should be plonked accordingly.

Scoble includes a few examples of people who make him feel smarter when he's done with thier blogs. I just cleaned out my bloglines subs, and I'd like to add a few new blogs. If you'd like to share a blogger who makes you feel smarter (not just someone you always agree with, or who you find entertaining, or who you want everyone to read just because. Try to be honest, please - they challenge you and make you feel smarter) when you're done reading, please leave it in the comments.

March 5, 2006

a few thoughts on the oscars

108539892_a5f23a8bcf_o Quick thoughts after the Oscars:

Best. Opening. EVAR.

I loved Jon Stewart, even if most of the audience didn't until halfway through. This crowd takes itself very seriously, and they tend to sit on their hands for the new guy. Lighten up, jerks! It's a party!

I can't comment on the winners, because I didn't see many of the films. I don't know if anyone got robbed, or if there were any Marissa Tomei moments. As far as I can tell, the winners deserved it, but I also know that it's really about being nominated.

I fucking hated it that they kept cutting winners short when they tried to give speeches, so they could do yet another stupid montage about how great movies are. Yeah, we know movies are great. If we didn't think movies were great, we wouldn't be watching. Most of these people get this chance once in their lives; give them the respect they've earned and more than 40 seconds to enjoy and share it, jerks. (That's a different group of jerks than the jerks I was referring to in my first paragraph. You know who you are . . . jerks.)

On the subject of montages: putting The Day After Tomorrow in with movies like All the President's Men, Network, and Schindler's List? Are you serious? I hope someone got seriously laid, like eleven times, for including that. Otherwise, what the hell?

I am so glad that they didn't go out into the theatre like they did last year.

I loved this thing that George Clooney said when he accepted his Oscar:

"And finally, I would say that, you know, we are a little bit out of touch in Hollywood every once in a while. I think it's probably a good thing. We're the ones who talk about AIDS when it was just being whispered, and we talked about civil rights when it wasn't really popular. And we, you know, we bring up subjects. This Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I'm proud to be a part of this Academy. Proud to be part of this community, and proud to be out of touch."

I, too, am proud to be out of touch.

The anti-DVD crap was really stupid. I'll be sure to watch movies in theatres when people shut the hell up in them, and it doesn't cost me twenty-five bucks before I'm even in my seat. And don't even get me started on how shitty most movies are, man.

I really liked the interstitial stuff they did for each category.

Ben Stiller nearly stole the show; it's a draw between him and Meryl Streep and Lilly Tomlin's brilliant tribute to Altman.

Altman made me really happy, I'd love to work with him someday, because even if the final project isn't perfect, I get the sense that you learn a lot and have a lot of fun when you work with him.

I was really bummed that Ang Lee didn't thank or acknowledge his actors.

I didn't know that Paul Haggis is a Scientologist. What a damn shame. Oh well, Crash is still a great movie. And as long as we're talking about spaceship cultists, Tom Cruise is still the most overrated actor in history. In fact, I chalk up War of the Worlds' magnificent .000 batting average to his being in that film. Couch-jumping, Katie-Holmes-ruining, shoulda-stopped-at-Risky-Business and you're not fooling me with Born of the Fourth of July hack.

I loved the campaign ads. Does anyone know if Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert wrote them?

Jessica Alba needs to eat about fifteen sammiches. Come on, girl. I know you've still got some Nancy Callahan in you.

Jennifer Garner was teh hot. Even when she's slipping on her dress, she manages to look amazing.

I loved it that the Wallace and Grommit guys brought little ties for Oscar, and the March of the Penguin guys brought stuffed emperor penguins.

The performance of "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" is probably my favorite moment in Oscar history, and I agree with Cinematical's Martha Fischer who said, "Nothing, ever, will top a giant marquee in front of an auditorium of rich, white people that reads "IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP." (As Kim said, "Have there ever been that many black people at the Oscars at one time?")" The only thing which topped that performance was the acceptance speech, from the highest bunch of guys I've ever seen on television, including the Cheech & Chong marathon a few years ago.

ABC cutting off the acceptance speech from the producers of Crash, the Best Picture Of The Year, is absolutely un-fucking-forgivable, and completely classless, tacky, and horrible. What are they doing? Making sure Jimmy Kimmel starts on time? One of the lowest moments of the entire show, almost as bad as cutting off Martin Landau when he won for Ed Wood. I hope the television critics lay off the fashion snark and lay into ABC for that. It was the one moment in the show when I was actually pissed off.

This is the first year in a long, long time that I've really looked forward to watching the show, and it's the first year in a long, long time that I really enjoyed it, other than the cutting them off in the middle of the Crash speech thing. I hope they have Jon Stewart back next year, and I hope they'll do fewer stupid montages.

(photo from flickr user wannabehipster)

mt with plugins vs. typepad: which do you prefer?

Okay, I've rebuilt the entire old WWdN database, and made significant progress on the relaunch of WWdN:2.0. I owe a HUGE debt of gratitude to Mike Pusateri, who pulled the entire WWdN databse, pre-fuck-up-by-wil, including all the comments and everything, and put it into a 38MB text file for me to import back into WWdN. Thanks to some help from Movable Type support, I was able to put the old entries back online, and add the WWdN:iX entries to the pile. (Don't bother looking at WWdN; they're not in a public directory, yet.)

So this is a HUGE step toward relaunching WWdN, and now I find myself at a bit of a crossroads. I'd like to solicit some advice, if you don't mind, from the bloggers who still read me.

 

When I return to WWdN: 2.0, I have a couple of options: I can domain-map WWdN to TypePad, so you're visiting wilwheaton.net, but I'm managing the content from TypePad, or I can switch back to MT 3.2, and hope to mimic as much of TypePad's functionality as I can via plug-ins, while duplicating the super-easy WYSIWYG editor with ecto, and something as-yet-undiscovered for Linux.

The thing is, I've grown to REALLY like the TypePad interface over the last several months. The WYSIWYG editor is hawesome, and adding new sections to the right side of my blog (like the synidcation buttons, the book and music recommendations, advertising, etc.) is as simple as clicking a few links and pasting a little bit of code. I really like how easy TypePad has made everything for me; it's allowed me to put my energy into creating content that hopefully doesn't suck, rather than mashing away at annoying code that never seems to validate, anyway.

And that's where this post comes in. If you're an MT 3.2 user, what are your must-have plugins? If you've used them both, is MT 3.2 more or less useful for managing enclosures (for the RFB) than TypePad? Have you been able to make MT 3.2 act as sort of a CMS, the way I've described above? (Please don't bother telling me to use WordPress or Drupal or whatever CMS you totally love. I've done a lot of research, and I've determined that it's going to be MT 3.2 or TypePad.)

There are some changes coming with the redesign that I think you'll all like: no more lame fixed-width fonts and cells, a mobile version, better integration of things like flickr and technorati, and some of the really cool things that we're doing with metroblogging.

I'm still working with my friend on all that stuff, so the re-launch of WWdN isn't going to happen right away (surprise), but I can at least see the soft glow of a new and super-cool website on a distant horizon.

March 4, 2006

live action recreation of the intro the the simpsons

This is beyond cool. Follow this link to You Tube if the embedded player thingy doesn't work. I removed the embedded player thingy because it was slowing the load time of the page. The video is still really cool, though.

(via Waxy)

Update - I'm just going to add a two more cool things here which don't fit anywhere else, but go nicely together with the video above:

This guy bought an old Superman pinball machine, customized it, and it was reborn as a Futurama pinball machine, complete with spinning Slurm can. Awesome.

At boingboing, Cory linked to this ten minute video of Disneyland's Main Street USA, right after it opened in 1956. Very, very cool.

4 things about los angeles

107139639_8824137016_mSean Bonner spilled meme all over me, so . . .

Four Jobs I've Had In My Life in LA:

Working Actor
Struggling Actor
Desperately Struggling Actor
Writer

Four Movies About LA I Could Watch Over And Over:

Swingers
LA Confidential
The Big Lebowski
Blade Runner

Four Places I've Lived All Over L.A. (With Food Memories From Each):

Sunland: Walking to Bob's Big Boy for Big Boy Combos with my parents
La Crescenta: Big chicken and beef bowls from Yakis
Westwood: 45-cent frozen burritos from breadstix
Pasadena: Super Fire Hot Wings at Hooters in Old Town, where it all began

Four LA-Themed Shows I Love(d) To Watch:

CHiPs
Alias
Three's Company
Emergency!

Four Places I Would Vacation At In LA:
Shutters in Santa Monica
Any campground in the San Gabriel Mountains
The Biltmore downtown
The Ritz Carlton in South Pasadena

Four LA-Based Websites I Visit Daily:

blogging.la
BoingBoing
Nickerblog
Bill Rini

Four Of My Favorite Foods Found In LA:

Huevos rancheros from Cafe Verde
Big chicken bowl w/ potato salad and extra green sauce from Yakis
Petit fillet from The Arroyo Chophouse
Grilled Dodger Dogs from the Inner Reserve level at Dodger Stadium

Four Places In LA I Would Rather Be Right Now:
Somewhere with my wife
Amoeba Music
Echo Mountain
Zuma Beach

Tagged:
Annie
Shane [done. HAWESOME]
Xeni
Ryan [done, and happy birthday!]

(photo via atomicShed on flickr)

March 3, 2006

race for the cure fundrasing results

When I posted about the Race for the Cure last Sunday, I hoped that I'd generate $500 in donations, but I expected to get somewhere closer to $200.

I am so pleased, and so thrilled to announce that WWdN:iX readers joined together to contribute eight hundred and twenty-four dollars to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation in Los Angeles County.

I've thanked each of you individually, and now I'd like to thank you all publicly:

From PokerStars -

  1. Johnny
  2. Carsten
  3. Misty
  4. Big Slick Nuts

From WWdN:iX -

  1. Daniel G.
  2. Lara W, in honor or Aunt Catherine
  3. Rob S.
  4. Christian R.
  5. Kate L.
  6. Michelle M.
  7. Carrie I.
  8. Kirsten W.
  9. Ray and Erica B.
  10. Tony and Elizabeth M.
  11. John D.
  12. Shauna R.
  13. David V.
  14. Wendy M.
  15. Christina C.
  16. Holly H.
  17. Ryan W.
  18. Christopher E.
  19. Christine R.
  20. Chris S.
  21. Anonymous, for Shannon.
  22. Damon B.
  23. Paul S.
  24. Mary M.
  25. Martin R.
  26. Paul G.
  27. Jean S.

I love the "distributed fundraising" part of this whole thing. Thanks to the Internets, I was able to reach more people, more easily, and more quickly than if I'd sent out a ton of paper letters, or walked through my neighborhood knocking on doors. In fact, some of you even sent donations from Great Britain, which arrived here almost instantaneously thanks to Pay Pal. Ten years ago, that wouldn't have been nearly as easy as it was this week, if it was even possible at all. You know, we can make a very positive difference in the world, simply by coming together when we have an opportunity to build something that's greater than all of us individually.

For those of you who wanted to be part of this, but couldn't, our friend Kris is back in the hospital, so Anne and I are doing the Rock and Roll Marathon again this year, and our fundraising is just about to get started. This year, we'll have a blog dedicated to training and updates, as well as some in-person fundraisers in Los Angeles and some virtual fundraisers online (poker tourneys, eBay auctions, etc.)

Thank you all for your kindness, support, and generosity.

March 2, 2006

note to self: don't watch cable news with a fever

Okay, I am really sick, with a fever and the coughing and the aches and the whole damn thing. So I haven't been able to get as much writing done as I'd like, because the aches are so severe in my arms and hands, the tips of my fingers occasionally hurt, especially when I type the letter "p" ouch.

This means that I've done a ton of reading today, and I've subjected myself to a few hours of CNN. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. No wonder so many Americans are misinformed, if they are getting their information from cable news. These douchebags do everything they can to create controversy where there is none, and they don't even try to hide it.

Example: Wolf Blitzer, on The Situation Room (which is only watchable because of Jack Cafferty), just teased a segment on Jon Stewart thusly: "He says it will be the most controversial Academy Awards, ever . . ."

Wow. That sure sounds provocative, Wolf! Let's go to the transcript and see when he said that:

     KING:  All right, let's move to some things.  Jon Stewart will host the Oscars Sunday night.

     STEWART:  It's going to be the most controversial Oscars ever.  I would not be surprised if the whole country tunes in.

     KING:  Will you, truthfully will you get into politics?

     STEWART:  Sorry?  You mean after I retire as a comedian?

     KING:  No, will you get into politics Sunday?

STEWART: Oh, I'm sure there will be references and such like that but I'm not -- I'm not going out there, you know, looking to blow the place up. I want to -- I want to do a nice job. Really for the most part the pressure I feel is for the actors and actresses and people that are nominated and who are there and it's their big day and you don't want to screw up their wedding. You don't want to be the deejay going, you know, all right everybody let's play Celebrate. Where's my CD? You know.

For fuck's sake. Are you idiots at CNN so invested in propping up your useless bullshit hosts that you'll deliberately mislead your viewers? Watch the fucking tape, and try real, real hard to see the gleam in Jon Stewart's eye, and then try real, real hard to hear the sarcasm in his voice. Then watch a few seconds longer, and see that Jon clearly doesn't intend to do anything to fuck up the Oscars, and in fact understands exactly what he's supposed to do as the host. Here it is again, just in case you missed it:

STEWART: Oh, I'm sure there will be references and such like that but I'm not -- I'm not going out there, you know, looking to blow the place up. I want to -- I want to do a nice job. Really for the most part the pressure I feel is for the actors and actresses and people that are nominated and who are there and it's their big day and you don't want to screw up their wedding. You don't want to be the deejay going, you know, all right everybody let's play Celebrate. Where's my CD? You know.

I wonder if someone at CNN is upset that Jon Stewart made Larry King look like a douchebag, and is still upset that he exposed to the world what a colossal joke Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson were on Crossfire.    

technorati favorites

Wil Wheaton's Favorites at Technorati Technorati added  a new service to the already useful search, explore and watchlist functions they offer, which allows users to create a list of their favorite blogs. Though WWdN dropped out of their top 100 when I hosed the database back in September, I was still invited to participate in a "featured favorites" thing, with people like Arianna Huffington and David Sifry.

You can see which blogs I chose here. If you'd like to add WWdN:iX to your own list of favorites, you can use the handy link over on the right side there, where you can also add my blog to several different RSS readers.

All this stuff will be built into the redesign of WWdN, which should be finished and launched shortly before Duke Nuke'Em Forever ships.

jon stewart pwns larry king

Kingstewart In case you missed Jon Stewart on Larry King the other night, Crooks & Liars has video and a partial transcript (but you really need to see or hear it, because a lot of the way Jon Stewart talks is lost in the literal written tranlsation.) Larry King made several feeble attempts to create controversy, and Jon Stewart kicked him square in the nuts each time. Witness this exchange:

KING: You don't want Medicare to fail?

STEWART: Are you insane?

KING: No.

STEWART: You're literally asking me if I would prefer -- yes, Larry, what I'm saying to you as a comedian I want old people to suffer, old and poor people to suffer. That is -- that is -- what we want is -- what seems absurd to me is the length that Washington just seems out of touch with the desires of Americans to be spoken to as though they are adults.

Nice try, Larry; too bad Jon didn't go for it. Maybe you can team up with Nancy Grace for a two hour Aruba Special to get back on familiar, more comfortable ground.

That question was just one of several "gotcha" attempts which failed spectacularly when Jon refused to take the bait, and instead turned the ludicrous question back on Larry King, who of course had no response other than this painful frozen half-smile that was equal parts fear and lothing. When Larry King wasn't completely controlling the tone and content of the show, you could feel how uncomfortable he was. Jon Stewart was so funny, and so quick-witted, and so smart and so insightful, if Larry King wasn't trying so hard to create controversy where there was none, you'd almost feel bad that he wasn't able to keep up.

March 1, 2006

attention star trek fans - i'll be at the grand slam in pasadena next week

I just realized that the Grand Slam convention in Pasadena is coming up in just ten days, running from the 10th until the 12th at the Pasadena Convention center.

I haven't done any conventions since this show last year, because I didn't feel like I had any new material, I thought it made sense to take a break from cons, yadda, yadda, yadda, but since I have Just A Geek: The Audio Book, and some advance material on Do You Want Kids With That? I thought it made sense to attend this show.

I also thought it would be a fantastic and unique opportunity to do a Star Trek podcast, with interviews of anyone I could talk to, as well as an audio diary of my experiences at the show.

So I gave Adam at Creation a call, and even though it's super last minute, he added me to the schedule. I doubt I'll be doing anything up on stage (everything is booked already) but there's a chance I may sneak on to introduce someone, or do something cool.

Hope to see some of you there!