I have completed every section of the new site, except the online store.
I'll be sending out an Email to everyone in my address book (if you've mailed me before, you're there) when it opens...
Truth: I am really excited.
I am going to leave this site up, so new people can see the evolution of my skills between the two sites, and so I never forget how lame I am when I start to think I know a thing or two about scripting.
Now I just have to learn how to make the old index page say "we've moved" and automatically push you to the new site...but not now. Now, I sleep.
Since I got listed on memepool, I've gotten lots of emails.
Surprisingly, all of them were cool. I was really expecting people to be shitty to me.
Here are a couple of them, that made me smile:
so. i randomly found your blog on blogger. i like burritos. i clicked on it. i found no burritos. i was somewhat disappointed.
are you the actual wil wheaton? i think you may
be...because i clicked around your site for a while.
it was sort of surreal. because i used to have
pictures of you on my wall when i was in junior high
school. my dad was a total trekkie, and always used to
force me to watch it with him all the time. your
presence was the only redeeming quality. not to
mention the fact that "stand by me" is still one of my
favorite movies of all time. i haven't seen it on tbs
in quite some time; but thankfully i have it on video.
do you get this sort of thing all the time? i
apologize. this is probably quite annoying.
this has been a very, very odd afternoon.
my name is sharon, by the way. hi. :)
I saw your site linked up on Memepool. I wanted to
let you know that you were a great role model for me
about ten years ago when I was a young thirteen year
old geek who didn't fit in too well. I tuned in to
Star Trek every Friday evening and the reruns too so
that I could watch a geek who was actually celebrated
and not picked on for it.
I'm now a technical writer at a software company and
am very happy to be who I am - a geek. :)
I was really glad to see your site. I looked for it
about ten years ago when I first got online with a
modem measured in bps (hee hee). I wish you the best
of luck in comedy and whatever your future endevors
I've always wanted to somehow tell you how much I enjoyed your work in the
movie Stand by Me and what that movie meant to me while I was growing up.
When I was a teenager, life in high school was not that fun. In many ways, I
was like Chris Chambers. One of the things Gordie says to Chris is "You can
do anything you want to man." I always took that to heart and now I' m
working my way through college and look forward to a career in political
science. Stand by Me taught me to look beyond where I was and look at what
could be. It gave me hope and got me through those turbulent teen years.
I just wanted to thank you for your sensitive portrayal of Gordie and how he
knew Chris could be better than everyone thought he was.
I also enjoyed your work on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Wesley was a good
example of what young people could do if given the chance. Would you ever
reprise your role in a Star Trek movie?
Since I don't live in L.A. and can't enjoy your current endevour, do you have
anything coming out on a national scale soon?
Finally, happy belated birthday from a fellow Leo (August 11,1972)!
Thanks for reading and keep up the good work.
P.S. Great bio on the website. Pretty funny. :)
My wife is out of town
I have been sitting at my computer almost all day. The most recent session started at about 830 last night.
I arm hurts so badly, I can hardly hold my mouse.
Put it all together, and you can only reach one conclusion: That's right, I am 2 pages away from completing the new site, and opening it for your surfing pleasure.
Time for bed.
Well, I'll tell you why: I have been working on the new site, non-stop, since I posted my last entry, and it is about 90% complete, and will be open before Friday the 24th.
But here is something fun for you to do: you can read the greatest interview I've ever done.
I did this for Ain't It Cool News on my birthday last year. If you wanted to know what life with Uncle Willie is like, read this interview.
And keep checking the new new site...
I even made a cool flash animation for the placeholder page, all by myself.
I think the styles on the current index page are what I'm going to be using sitewide once we open.
Check it out, and let me know what you think.
Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
(I have a prize for anyone who can tell me what that is from.)*
I am the sidekick on a VERY cool late night talk show.
We've been on hiatus for a few months, but now we're coming back!
Here's the details. If you're gonna be in LA, come to the show, and meet me afterwards!!!
*Mark Your Calendars!! Save The Date!!*
*Primetime Special Benefit Show!*
*Thursday, August 30 ~ 8pm!!*
That's right, The J. Keith van Straaten Show, "the best TV talk show not on TV ...yet," invites you to put down the shotgun and regain a sense of hope and wonder, as we return for our first show of 2001! Yep, it's been eight whole months since we left the stagewaves and now we've got a great reason to come back: J. Keith is in training to run a marathon to raise money for AIDS Project Los Angeles. Let that sink in for a minute: J. Keith....marathon....raise money.... Believe it, baby! It's all true! So this next show is a charity fundraiser, which means we're pulling out all the stops we can find! Deluxe accomodations and surprises galore!
More details will come your way soon, but meanwhile, make sure you hire the babysitter and put it in your Palm Pilot now for Thursday August 30 at 8pm. This is a show you won't want to miss!
ADVANCED TICKETS WILL BE REQUIRED - They will be available online soon at www.jkeith.net!
Here's what we know so far...
Scheduled Guests for Thursday, August 30:
(A Partial List. More guests will be announced, and some will be a surprise!)
*KEVIN NEALON - 9-year cast member of "Saturday Night Live"
*NINA GORDON - Singer/Songwriter, formerly of rock band Veruca Salt
*RICK OVERTON - The comedian's comedian and longtime friend of the show
*WIL WHEATON - Your ship's purser. (note that Keith didn't say "Ensign"...I have a better rank on thisshow, baby!)
...plus the triumphant return of house band ADAM & THE CHESTERS (featuring ADAM CHESTER).
Come see the Good Cause Funny!
WHAT: The J. Keith van Straaten Show
"The Best TV Talk Show Not on TV ...yet!"
WHERE: ACME Comedy Theatre, 135 N. La Brea Ave., Hollywood
(1/2 block south of Beverly Blvd., next door to Farfalla)
WHEN: Thursday, August 30, 8pm
SHOW HOTLINE: Call 310-289-2345 for more information.
Please note: The public is encouraged to call the show hotline or visit our website for the most up-to-date information, including currently scheduled guests.
The AIDS Marathon, run on December 9, 2001, will be J. Keith's first endeavor into the world of long distance running --or any distance running, for that matter. The marathon raises money to support AIDS-related causes all over the country. Sponsoring J. Keith will help raise needed funds for AIDS Project Los Angeles. Contributions and ticket purchases will be tax-deductible to the fullest extent of the law.
For more information, please visit www.aidsmarathon.com or www.apla.org
Thanks! With your support, I'm really going to run 26.2 miles, and raise money to help people living with AIDS! That rocks!
Your best friend in the world,
J. Keith van Straaten
The J. Keith van Straaten Show
The Best TV Talk Show Not on TV ...yet!
"Best of L.A.!" --Los Angeles Magazine / "Pick of the Week" --LA Weekly / "Best Bet" --LA Times
www.jkeith.net ~ 310-289-2345
And I go to the games, most often with my mom and dad, because they have seats two rows above the Dodger dugout. As a matter of fact, you can see us in the background whenever a right-handed batter is up, if we are at the game.
There is a GREAT story about why we have the seats, which I'll tell you another time.
Well, dad took Anne and me to the game tonight, so we could watch Chan Ho Park throw a perfect game through 4, a no hit shutout through 7, and leave the game with a 3 hit shutout in the 8th.
Of course, these are the Dodgers we're talking about here, so they only managed 1 run while stranding 13 runners over 8 innings, so when Jim Tracy brought in our "closer" Jeff Shaw, we weren't heading for the parking lot, confident of a Dodger victory.
So Shaw comes in, Expos (yeah, I forgot to mention that, we were playing the Montreal Expos) get 4 quick runs, and the Dodgers lose, 4-1.
Take me out to the ballgame!
When you read this, and I'm talking specifically to you, okay? When you read this, would you post a comment or send me an Email, so I know?
So I told them that they could, but Ryan had to shower before he could start it, and Nolan would have to wait for him.
So Ryan runs off to his room, (kids have two speeds at 12: the excited run and the sullen stalk), and shouts back to Nolan, "Make some popcorn!"
Nolan looks at me, and says, "I'm really burnt out on popcorn, Wil."
"So just make some for Ryan," I replied, "that would be a really cool thing to do."
So he goes into the kitchen, (he hasn't hit the 2 speed phase yet) and gets out the popcorn (I can't endorse Newman's Own enough- it rules, and the profits go to charity, so we all win).
I sit back at the computer, trying to make the new site look less lame (it's not coming along as well as I'd like, dammit), and Nolan calls to me from the kitchen.
"Wil! There's a lot of smoke coming out of the microwave!"
I get up, and as I get closer to the kitchen, I recognize that smell that is so familiar to college dorms...no, not weed, jackass. The smell of burnt microwave popcorn.
Nolan is standing there, looking so perplexed, like he can't figure out what is wrong with the microwave. So I stop it, and asked him how long it's been in there, and he tells me 4 minutes, because that's what it says on the bag. Now, whenever I make it, it's 2 minutes 25 seconds. I've gotten it figured out. But I somehow didn't pass that knowledge on to the next generation, and now, at 2:50 am, my house STILL smells like burning popcorn!
Well, Ryan comes out of his room, and Nolan looks crestfallen.
"Ryan, I ruined the popcorn, and it was the last one." He says, looking like a puppy who's just been caught chewing up your Boba Fett that was still in the blister pack.
Ryan looks at me, and back to his upset little brother, and he totally says, "That's okay, Nolan, I'll eat it anyway."
So we open the bag, and take out a black ball of burning popcorn, toss it into the sink, and Ryan pours the rest of the popcorn into our popcorn bowl. (You see, when you're married, all of a sudden you get all this stuff that only has one use. Like The Popcorn Bowl, or The Water Glasses. I don't know about you, but when I was a bachelor, I only had 2 bowls and about 5 glasses, and they pulled serious double and triple duty.)
So Ryan ends up sitting on the couch, eating the totally burnt popcorn, and all was right with the world.
See what I mean about kids being cool? Nolan made the effort to do something for his brother, and Ryan made the effort to appreciate it, even at his own peril.
I wish adults were more like that.
I'll tell ya, without the visual quickstart guides, I'd be even lamer than I already am.
Just remember that it's still considered BETA. (I'm working on a VHS version)
Because Reading Is Fundamental.
And knowing is half the battle!
Anyone remember that from The Far Side? It was one of my favorites when I was in school.
Well, kids, it's too damn hot today to do anything but stay inside, and since my house is such a complete and utter disaster, I'm putting off cleaning it up, and bringing the old Burrito Blog up to date. I'm going to go in reverse order, starting with last night's excursion for Anne's birthday, yesterday afternoons Improv show, and yesterday morning's meeting with Roger. Then I'll give up the promised stories from the Tahoe trip.
I really need to get a digital camera, so I can include cool picture links in these stories, don't you think?
Before I get started, I want to clarify something, so you can understand a little something about your Sweet Uncle Willie:
I hate, and I mean hate places like "the mall" or these big shopping/dining/consumption oriented places, like The Bock At Orange, and The Irvine Spectrum. I'd MUCH rather go to a little community-oriented street fair or shopping district, and give my money to and spend time around real people, rather than big corporate behemoths.
But Anne's friend Michelle lives near Irvine, and there is this one cool place there, so I sucked it up, and met them, and our friend Stephanie (who introduced me to and Anne) for dinner, and entertainment.
I guess the girls all felt the same way, so they went to some place called "Champps Americana", which is sort of a sportsbar/micro-brewery/I'm-having-a-mid-life-crisis-and-I-want-to-eat-at-a-place-like-the-ones-I-went-to-in-college place.
So we get seated, and we're ordering, and, right in the middle of Anne giving her order, the waiter cuts her off, points towards me, and says, "Hey! The kid from Stand By Me!"...Now, whenever that happens, I don't quite know what to say. Should I jump up and shout "Traaiiiiinnnn!" or tell him a story, or what? I never know how to handle that...I don't want to say, "Yes! You are correct, sir! Now please treat me differently the entire course of our meal, for I am from movies!". So there's this tiny, uncomfortable pause, and my friend Stephanie follows the waiter's pointing finger, over my shoulder and says, "You know, I think that is Corey Feldman, right over there!" And we all laughed, and it was okay.
So we're waiting for our dinner to come, and waiting, and waiting, and getting hungrier and hungrier, and this runner finally comes by with some food. He sets Steph's ribs down in front of her, and as he's leaning over, he dumps a huge, Ron Jeremy-sized load of alfredo juice all down the shoulder and back of my cool fairview t-shirt! Suddenly, he realizes two things: The food is not ours, it goes to the table next to us, and he just spooged pasta sauce all over my back. So what does he do? He picks up the ribs, says NOTHING about my back! Nothing at all! Not even, "sorry" or "who's your daddy, wesley?"
So this is a huge mess down my back, and it takes two napkins to wipe it all off...and Stephanie says, "The lest he could have done is bought you dinner before he came on your back." And my wife says, "Yeah, now you are totally his bitch."
I realize that some of you are having your image of sweet little Gordie and uber-square Wesley completely shattered right now, but I think it's best that you get to know the real me sooner than later, that way it won't hurt so badly when we break up.
Okay, back to the story: FINALLY, our food comes, and it is brought to us by the manager. So I see this guy in a tie coming over, and I think, "Sweet! This turkey burger is on the house!"
He sets our food down, apologizes for the wait, and leaves!! He doesn't even acknowledge the stain down my back! Now, maybe he didn't know....I can't imagine this conversation:
Runner: Uh, sir? I just came on the back of Tv's Wil Wheaton
Manager: Good job, Darryl! I always hated Wesley Crusher anyway!
But you know what I really think? I think the huge, corporate, "sportsbar/micro-brewery/I'm-having-a-mid-life-crisis-and-I-want-to-eat-at-a-place-like-the-ones-I-went-to-in-college place" doesn't care about your Uncle Willie, and you know why? Because he isn't the target audience. He wasn't wearing penny loafers without socks and corduroy shorts. He didn't have a ponytail, and he wasn't drinking Smirnoff Ice when the Zima ran out!!
Oh well. The food wasn't too bad, and the waitstaff did come and sing "Happy Birthday" to my wife...and our waiter was pretty cool...he could keep up with our sarcasm and jokes and stuff...Oh, and there were lots of interesting people to watch while we ate...which reminds me, and get out a pencil and write this down, people: Just because they make a babydoll t-shirt that says "sexy" in rhinestone across the chest in a size 18 doesn't mean anyone should wear it! Because, damn, man, dimples, okay? Okay.
Is anyone still with me?
The next place we went was actually really really cool:
So there is much singing, much dancing, and a very eclectic crowd, which is rare in cookie-cutter Orange County. And they take requests, so we request "Jesse's Girl" and "Don't Stop Believin'"...and they played them, and the whole place went CRAZY! It was really cool. If you can find a Sing-Sing near you, check it out.
Okay, I'm posting this, so I can work on the Improvathon story, and the meeting with Roger story, before I get into the Tahoe saga.
I am spending entirely too much time on this weblong and website thing. I really need to get a life. Or a job. Or a ride to the arcade.
I must be different.
I must be anti-.
I've got a Palm, but it's looking more and more like the cool kids have a handspring. See, I got a Palm because I am left handed. Let me explain: being a lefty, once a year, as a child, I'd walk into the sporting goods store, and walk past aisle after aisle of right-handed gloves on my way to the half of a shelf of left-handed gloves. And I would pick over the dusty gloves that I didn't pick last year. Or the year before.
I had a Mac way back in the day (it was a 128), and I would go to the software store, and walk past aisle after aisle of PC software, past "Doom" and "SimEverything" on my way to the Mac shelf on the back, where I would look excitedly at "MacDraw" and "MacPaint". So when it was time to buy a PDA, I went in and said "I want the most widely used one."
It's the only time I've been willing and eager to be part of the masses.
But I think I want to be one of the cool kids, now. Or at least pretend that I am.
On minivans, the thing minivans have going for them...is that they look like shuttle craft from Star Trek! Especially now with the TV/vcr combo's, Onstar systems, radar detectors, cel phones, etc., You've practically got a bridge on that ship.Great. Just ^%@#*ing great. So I drove over 18 hours in a $%!ing shuttlecraft. I do not have the words to express how mortified I am
Holy crap, we had so much fun. If many of you were noticing that, in the last few days, you haven't been having any fun, it's our fault. We were having, to quote my step-son, "all the fun!"
There's too much to put up now, because, even though I've been in the car for nine hours, I'm getting ready to have a meeting with Roger Avary about The Rules Of Attraction. Hopefully, when I return tonight, I'll be able to tell you all about our trip, including:
So be good, and Uncle Willie will tell you a story when he gets back.
And a big "thanks!" (That'll be really funny once you see Lifegame) to the 7 of my beloved friends who sent me email while I was gone.
Okay, okay, stop your cryin', or I'll give you something to cry about!
It's Mrs. Uncle Willie's birthday, and we're heading up to fabulous Lake Tahoe with the kids and the dog. Sounds great, right?
Hold on a sec...we're going up there in ...a minivan.
That's right. A mini-van. We had to rent a bigger car, so we could fit all our crap and the Ferris' crate...and rather than get something sort of cool like a lame SUV, we got a mini-van. I'm driving for 8 hours in a minivan.
I am so lame.
Let's talk about minivans for a second, shall we? Is there another mode of transportation, not regularly used by the Amish, that is more lame? When I see a minivan, I think, "That person's just given up. they've reached their goal in life of having the 3.5 kids, the dog and the coveted PTA membership."
There's nothing more sad to me than seeing some dude, who you can tell used to be cool, or some woman, who was probably a hottie at one time, behind the wheel of a Ford Aerostar, the bumper covered with a protective layer of "my kid was the student of the month" bumper stickers, the windows smeared with greasy little kid handprints, and the sad, mournful sound of "Radio Disney" blaring out of the open windows.
The mini-van that we got is the Dodge Caravan. It's the one with the easily removable seats. Last night, Anne and I were moving the seats out, and it was much easier than I thought it would be, and I caught myself thinking "This is kinda cool"....suddenly, and without warning, I screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" My wife looked at me, terror in her eyes, and asked what was wrong.
"I thought, for a millisecond, that there was something cool about this van."
My wife walked around the minivan, came close to me, and punched me full in the mouth.
"Don't ever think something like that again."
So I won't be able to update the site, obviously, and all that stuff that I wanted to do before I left town, like get the new site up and running, and opening the store and all that won't happen until I get home.
Have a great weekend and week, and play nice. Don't make me turn this minivan around, because I'll do it.
Hey kids. I am working really hard on getting the new site up, but it's a lot harder than I thought.
Just part of being lame, I guess. But have no fear! I'm off the the book store to get a new HTML book. Hopefully, one which will actually help, rather than confuse.
Failing that, I'm gonna bite the bullet and resort to using frontpage.
Relax, Mae Ling...
But here is some cool news! I think I've gotten it set up so anyone can comment on my ramblings here.
Have fun, kids.
You must go here. Right now.
It was also the first time in 3 months that I'd had an audition. (Apparently, a bunch of jackass producers, working for vertically integrated, multi-national media conglomerates were afraid that the writer's guild and the screen actor's guild may want to stop work, so that we can all make a living wage, so they didn't "green light" any new projects. Go figure.
So, things have been tough the past few months. Money has been tight, and I've been super bored. If I hadn't had my kick ass sketch comedy show to look forward to, I probably would have ended up on the sidewalk in front of the Viper Room.
Just kidding. Jeeze, lighten up.
So the first call is at 11:15 am, to be a regular on this WB show called "The Young Person's Guide To Being A Rockstar". It's to play a gay drummer. (Why does everyone think I'm gay?). The second call is at 4:45 pm, for a movie called "waiting...", that is just about the funniest ^%$#ing script I've read in over a year.
So, I'm completely excited, but I'm torn, too, since I have way too much free time right now, and I would like to work. (You know, actors are the only people who are unhappy when they're not working. Unlike most "normal" people, who can't wait for a break from work...) The only problem was, Tuesday was Ryan's birthday, and I was really torn about what to do. I need to work, and I really like both of these projects, but I really wanted to be part of Ryan's 12th birthday party, which was a trip to the beach with some of his friends.
So I went over and over it, and made the tough choice to take the auditions, and see Ryan that evening.
Well, on my way to the first audition, I got a call from my agent, and she told me that the afternoon session was cancelled! So I went from my first audition (Where I kicked ass, thank you very much- I'm told that I'm "in the mix" which is hollywoodspeak for "we're considering you") to the beach. I must have been quite the vision in my jeans, skechers and black socks, walking down the sand.
Long story short, it was awesome. We skim boarded, played football and wiffleball, and barbecued hot dogs in the parking lot, which was majorly against the beach parking lot rules (yes! breakin' the law! breakin' the law!).
When we got back, I had email waiting for me from my friend Roger Avary. Roger is one of the coolest people on earth, and a fucking rad writer and director. (yes, that's right, I have a potty mouth. Deal.) Roger won an Academy Award for writing "Pulp Fiction", and is pretty much responsible for everything good the Tarantino has ever taken credit for. Roger also wrote and directed my absolute favorite movie that I've ever worked on, Mr. Stitch. So to get back to my point: I emailed Roger, because he's doing a new movie, and I asked him if I could be in it, because he is the most fun director EVER, and always makes good movies. So he emails me back, and tells me, "of course" and sends me the script (which ^%$@*ing ROCKS, by the way) and we're hooking up this week.
So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
That's all for right now, kids. I'm going back to work on the new, improved, easy-to-remember website!
How about some email for your uncle willy?
Okay, some of you aren't Star Trek fans, and you guys must think Star Trek Cons are uber-geek-fests. Well, you're right.
But they're cool, too, believe it or not. I think it's super cool that there's a place for any subculture, be it hackers, soap opera nuts, gamers, drama geeks, or whatever to hang out. Not that I'm in a huge rush to run out and buy a space suit, you understand...
Well, I do some conventions from time to time. It's really fun to have an audience to entertain, and most of the audience is really cool. Of course, some people just aren't going to be happy with me, no matter what, but what are you gonna do?
Well, I recently did this convention in Waturbury, CT. It was the first convention I'd done in close to 7 years, and I was REALLY nervous about not sucking. I even did something I never do: I did it sober.
Just kidding. I just wanted to see if you were still with me. Anyway, I did something that I never do: I prepared a little list of "stuff I want to talk about", so if I lost the audience I knew that I had a place to pick them back up...but it turned out that I didn't need it, because they liked me! They really liked me!
Okay, enough of this stupid preamble...here is the point of this post: I found a review of my appearence on USENet, and it made me feel really good about myself. So I wanted to share it with all of you:
From: Shammie ([email protected]) Subject: The best part of the Con Newsgroups: alt.tv.star-trek.next-gen Date: 2001-03-04 08:24:54 PST
By far the most stand-out, entertaining, enjoyable section of the entire event
that I attended yesterday at http://www.sfedora.com/waterbur.htm
I am not makiing this up, I am not trolling, I am not kidding:
Wil Wheaton!!! OMG, he RULES as a speaker/guest!
Before he even got on stage, the director of the event introduced him and
actually warned us, as if we were little children, now please be polite and
remember that this is Wil's first con appearance in 8 years because of bad
experiences of people not separating him from the Wesley Crusher character.
(Later on we found out that 8 years ago, he was not only booed on stage, but he
actually had death threats!!)
Well, there was no need for this warning whatsoever, because from the moment
this vivacious, hilarious, charismatic, 28-year-old cutie bounded on stage, he
had us in the palm of his hand!! I cannot begin to describe how absolutely
captured every single one of us was, we were laughing every other minute and he
was so engaging even when he wasn't being funny!! I am now a huge Wil Wheaton
fan and so are 300 other Trekkers that were there. We gave him a loud standing
OK, just a few things that he talked about, but I can't possibly begin to
capture the wonderful energy that exuded from him. Well, after he left TNG, he
left acting and moved to Kansas. "Not a good idea" he says. He said going from
LA, a 24-hour-a-day city to Topeka was like moving to a 78-minute city. He was
in the computer industry. "I am a geek. I'm extremely proud of that fact."
Well, then he left the computer business and went to drama school. He is
married about a year now with 2 step-kids (children of his wife), back in
entertainment, performing "sketch comedy" with a group. He is HiLARious.
He left Star Trek on what he thought were good terms, but he found out later
that apparently that wasn't the case. When he mentioned Rick Berman's name, he
stuck his finger down his throat in a gag-me gesture. He said it is very
unlikely that he'll be involved in any Star Trek ever again. He was not
satisfied with how they wrote him out, though. Said he wished he had gone out
in some shuttlecraft explosion. [pause] "Because it would have ensured my
He talked about an Outer Limits ep that he did where he plays a bad guy and
drops a doomsday bomb on the world and destroys all of humanity. He said that
he thought that really balanced out all the times that Wesley saved the ship.
"So get off my back, huh?" We all cracked up big time.
He said he would have LOVED to have had a cameo in Galaxy Quest as a crazed fan
being right in the face of the kid telling him how much he hated him on the
show! ROFL! Man we laughed for several minutes.
Then he said, ooh, they should have had me back as the Traveler so I could go
to DS9 and make it interesting. hahaha we laughed, but some fan in a wheelchair
said hey for some of us who can't get out, DS9 was very comforting, or some
mumbo jumbo like that. Wil mumbles (so we can all hear him). "Note to self - no
more jokes about DS9, could get ugly."
When asked about all the negative letters etc against Wesley, he told us quite
frankly that it hurt a lot and he took it personally. He said he made the
mistake of trying to reason with people and get them to understand. He said
people would blame him, a 14-year-old, for some of his lines and actions,
instead of going to the writers. One time, he had some really pompous-sounding,
major technobabble stuff he had to say, and he actually called up TPTB asking
them please, PLEASE don't make me say that. I can only imagine the torment the
poor kid must have had to endure. :-((((( It just really struck me.
He talked about River Phoenix and what a junkie he was and got on a small soap
box about how any one of the people surrounding him could have saved him by
getting him go into rehab, but that they are all such ass-kissers in Hollywood
and *everything* but everything is about money.
Then he felt bad that he brought us all down, so he closed by telling us of his
fondest memory on TNG. They were all on the bridge shooting a scene where they
are getting bonked by the Borg. They were preparing to do the biggest "shake"
they had ever done, they were calling it an "eleven." Picard was supposed to
fall down. Wil was like No he's the captain, he can't fall down! And Stewart
didn't like it either. Anyway, the director yelled action and everyone started
shaking, Frakes falls out of his seat, Wil crashes into his console, Spiner is
jerking around, etc. Stewart apparently decides to have some fun and totally
spazzes out, crashing into everything, falling down, getting back up, crashing
into something else, spinning around, crashing into yet something else, falling
again, getting back up, etc etc, until finally he crashes into a wall that
falls down! Suddenly everyone is hushed because they all know it's gonna be at
least a four thousand dollar delay. So Wil quickly improvises with "Captain, we
have a hull breach!"
"AND I SAVED THE DAY," announces Wil with his arms up in a victory post.
ROFLMAO. That was the end of his talk and we all jumped up to give him a
Nevertheless, when I was wasting three days at Comic-con, I saw one of their authors, this guy named Robert, and I kinda geeked out at him about how much I love their site, and how I bet he was never last picked for dodgeball and how my mom said she'll drive us to the mall if his mom picks up.
Well, he did a little write up about the celebrities at Comic-con, and it's REALLY funny. He even said I was "the best celebrity of all"! No shit! How cool is that?! Go here to read the story. Then visit the rest of the site and laugh yourself silly.
My cool Simpson's desk calendar says that today is "love day". What the hell is that? Anybody know?
My dad came home yesterday. It turns out that he had blood poisoning. What happened was, when he was in Indonesia, he banged his toe on a boat anchor, and the resulting wound became infected, and the infection spread into his blood stream. We're really lucky that dad was home when it happened. If he had been in Indonesia, he most certainly would have died. That's a horrible thought, you know? To think that your dad came this close to dying.
But I saw him last night at my mom and dad's house, and he was himself again, making lots of lame jokes, and stuff.
Well, tomorrow is my step-son's birthday, so I'm off to get him some birthday schwag.
My yahoo says "Happy Birthday, tvswilwheaton!"
So I click it, and I get a list of things that happened on this day in history, and a list of celebrity birthdays.
Guess who's number three?!
· Actor Stephen Dorff is 28.
· Rhythm-and-blues singer Wanya Morris (Boyz II Men) is 28.
· Actor Wil Wheaton is 29.
· Actor Rodney Allen Rippy is 33.
· Rock musician Chris Gorman is 34.
· Country singer Martina McBride is 35.
· Actress Alexandra Paul is 38.
· Rock singer Patti Scialfa (Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band) is 48.
· Rock singer-musician Geddy Lee (Rush) is 48.
· Documentary maker Ken Burns is 48.
· Actor Mike Starr (``Ed'') is 51.
· Rock musician Simon Kirke (Bad Company) is 52.
· Marilyn Tucker Quayle, wife of former Vice President Dan Quayle, is 52.
· Rock musician Neal Doughty (REO Speedwagon) is 55.
· Actor David Warner is 60.
· ABC News anchorman Peter Jennings is 63.
· Former Transportation and Labor Secretary Elizabeth H. Dole is 65.
· Actor Robert Fuller is 67.
· Former Sen. Nancy Kassebaum-Baker, R-Kan., is 69.
· Actor Robert Horton is 77.
· Actor Lloyd Bochner is 77.
Dad is doing much much better. He's responding to the antibiotics, and he's coming home today.
I got the webcam working again.
Right now it's on my birthday party bounce house, but I suspect it will be showing all sorts of lame stuff once my friends get here.
Thank you to all of you who emailed with your thoughts about my dad. Here's the latest: the infectious diseases doctor came about 2 hours ago and checked him out. It is her opinion that he has a bacterial infection from a wound on his toe. (He walked into the anchor chain while on the boat in Indonesia.) So they've got him on super antibiotics, and they're going to keep him in the hospital one more night so they can keep drawing blood and monitoring his vitals. Sucks that he can't come to my party. But it doesn't suck that we know what the $#@!^ is wrong with him. These have been a long 24 hours, man.
I'm finally listed (sort of) at Google. Just in time for the move.
I just talked to my mom.
Dad is still fighting the fever, which goes up, then comes back down...the doctor still hasn't come in today, so I don't know what's happening.
I'm supposed to be having a party, a rather big one, too, tonight. I really don't feel like doing it, but I think it's a little late to cancel.
So I have a special treat for you today. I'm pointing the webcam into the house, so you can watch me get my house ready for the party.
Get comfy, because the fun is about to begin.
I just got back from the hospital. My dad is really sick, and the scary thing is, nobody knows what the hell is wrong with him.
I can talk to someone, in real time, who is on the other side of the world.
Spacecraft are taking pictures of Mars.
My Palm Pilot has more memory than my first desktop computer.
But not one doctor can tell me what the %^$#@ is wrong with my dad.
I've been on the verge of tears all day.
Sorry, kids. I know you've come to expect a certain irreverence from your Sweet Uncle Willie, but I am scared shitless.
I love my dad. I've never known my dad as much as I wanted to, because he works all the time, and I work all the time. Then there's the whole "You don't understand me!" thing, which basically adds up to a bunch of wasted years from 14 to about 22. **Pay attention, young 'uns: your parents are not as bad as you think, and someday they'll be gone, and you'll regret every single moment you wasted being mad at them because they wouldn't let you go to your fuck-up friend's house because they knew you'd get drunk there.**
I remember, when I was a little kid, like 7 or 8, my great grandfather died. I was in the kitchen of my house, and my dad was sitting on this high-chair stool thing we have, and he started to cry. Like really a lot. He cried hard. I was freaked. I didn't know what to do. At all.
So I ran into the laundry room, and I said, "Mom. Dad needs you." My mom came into the kitchen, and she did what I just didn't know how to do at 7 or 8: she hugged my dad, and let him cry on her. I can see the two of them, my dad in his ultra groovy 1979 perm, and my mom in her pantsuit, holding each other in the beautifully wallpapered kitchen in Sunland.
Later, I asked my dad why he was crying so hard. I had hardly known my great grandfather,l and he was cool and all, but I just figured that if I didn't know him that well, nobody else did, either. (Yes, the world did revolve around me, apparently.) My dad told me that he was thinking about his own dad, my grandfather, and how my grandfather was so sad, because his own father had just died. My dad then told me that he realized then, for the first time in his life, that someday his dad would die. Even at 7 years old that really struck me, and I think about it all the time.
A number of years ago, when I was working on Mr. Stitch in France, I awoke with a start one night. I thought "something horrible has just happened", and I couldn't go back to sleep. So I called my friend Dave, and told him what had happened, and asked if there had been an earthquake, or something. He told me I was just being lame (I am), and to that everything was fine. So I went back to sleep. Later that night, as I was going out the door of my apartment to dinner, my phone rang. It was my mom. She made some small talk, then told me that my dad wanted to talk to me. He got on the phone, and told me that his dad, my grandfather, had suffered a massive heart attack and died. I didn't know what to say. I asked him how he was doing, and he choked back a sob and said, "sometimes okay, and sometimes not." I had no comfort to offer my dad, and that really bothered me.
Months later, we had a funeral, and scattered my grandfather's ashes out to sea. It was really cool, and I cried really hard, but not for myself. I cried for my dad, remembering what he had told me 15 years earlier.
So tonight, I spent as long as I could at the hospital, talking with my dad, reading my lame HTML book, and watching Blind Date and Letterman. I kept taking his temperature, which started out at 103 today (scary, since my dad's 53) then went back to normal, and started a slow climb back up to 100.6 when I left.
I don't know what to do now. I know I won't sleep well, not knowing what's happening with my dad. The doctor will be calling in someone from the CDC in the morning if my dad's not better, since he was just in Indonesia on a surfing trip, and they think he may have brought something back.
But it's the not knowing that is the worst.
That and replaying in my head every wasted moment with my dad. Every time I wouldn't play catch with him, or go surfing, or acted embarrassed when he told a lame joke around some girl I was trying to impress.
Go call your mom. She's worrying about you.
And for god's sakes. Play catch with your dad.
I just stumbled onto Ain't Nuthin But a Khai Thang. This guy is my new hero.
I just had a thought, as I am sitting here watching the TV:
Jurassic Park 3...
I mean, other than the obvious "the studio needs more money" reason.
Let's look at the suspension of disbelief problem for a sec. Jurassic Park: The Franchise, as compared to Friday the 13th: The Franchise.
In one, you have killer dinosaurs. In the other, you have a killer killer.
In one, you have this island where you just know bad things are going to happen.
In the other, you have this creepy camp where you just know bad things are going to happen.
So the problem I'm having is, why do they keep going back? Everyone knows there is going to be chaos and mayhem.
And how long is it before the dinosaurs take on Manhattan in 3-D?
"Ian Johnstone missed his girlfriend so much he flew back to Britain from Australia to propose to her. The problem is she did the same in the opposite direction"
This story made me laugh out loud.
It will also be made into a much needed Nora Ephron movie, I'm sure.
I posted the following in the "Updates" page.
But the updates page will no longer hold things like this. The weblog will be the repository for ramblings like this. And when we get the new website, you'll have a message board to discuss these little spurts of thought that occasionally errupt out of me, like cystic acne on a 15 year old boy who plays too much D&D. (Like me, for instance).
So the updates page will forever hold a nice, little list of, well, updates to the house of lame...Hey! Maybe I'll change the title of the website to "Wil's House of Lame"...what do you think?
Here is the message, from July 22nd:
Hey party people.
I've just come home from the San Diego Comic-Con, where it's very possible I gave you a lame flyer for this very lame website.
So you actually came, eh? Suh-weet. I feel just slightly less lame than I did last night.
Want to know some cool stuff that's happened in the recent past?
Tough. I'm telling you anyway.
Here we go:
See, TNN is re-branding themselves. Re-branding is when a network changes it's image and programming, and goes after a new audience. Well, that's what TNN is doing. I guess someone decided that there were more Gen-X-ers than rednecks out there (thank god), and they've changed The Nashville Network (home of NASCAR and Hee-Haw) into The National Network (home of Miami Vice, Starsky and Hutch, and Star Trek: The Next Generation).
So this is quite cool, if you ask me. I've been doing lots of stuff with the TNN folks in the last few days, and they are really some of the coolest people on earth. And I'm not just saying that because they gave me a free trip to New York. Okay, well, maybe a little.
But check this out: There is this big thing called "The Television Critic's Association". I think there are TV critics in it, or something. Anyway, they get together every year to run up huge tabs on their corporate credit accounts, and see what's coming up on TV in the next quarter. That's where I come in. TNN asked me to go to the "TCA" (when you're a hip, edgy, media-savvy person, you use lots of acronyms, FYI) and be part of this TNG launch-thing. So I went, and it was sooo cool! I got to see some of the old TNG kids, who I don't ever see anymore since they're millionaires and I'm living in a refrigerator box, and, the coolest thing of all...I got to take a pee right next to BILLY FREAKIN IDOL!!!
Yes, you read that right. Here's how it happened: I went into the bathroom, and I'm doing my business, and I notice the guy next to mee is rather dressed up, like in serious rocker clothes. So I try to just glance at him, without getting all gay and weird, and he looks right at me, sneer and all. That's when I realize that it's HIM! HOLY CRAP! So I say, "My wife and I just saw you on "Storytellers". You really rocked, man!" (tap, tap). And he looks at me, and from behind his cool-guy sunglasses says, "Cheers, mate." And he's gone.
YES! How cool was that?
So after that, I'm off to New York to do a cool show called "Lifegame" which will be on TNN in a month or so. It's an improv show where they asked me to tell stories about my life, and then they have improvisers act out scenes based on my so called life, in different styles. Like the time my parents cornered me in the bathroom and gave me "The Talk"---when I was 20, done as a reggae musical. Very funny. And I got to play the Devil in a scene. YES!
While I was there, I got a tour of MTV networks, met Carson Daly (!), and was given a CHIA MISTER T! That's right. Let me tell you, everything after that was just Jibba Jabba.
So after NYC, I came home to LA, my wife picks me up at the airport, and I get on a train to San Diego for the Comic-Con, where I signed autographs and promoted TNG on TNN (I like that. It sounds like NBA on NBC), and this lame website. Honestly, it was mostly lame. I didn't sell many pictures, so I barely even covered my costs for the trip, and there weren't as many people there as last year. HOWEVER! There were a few cool thing, which I will relate now:
I met Oscar Gonzalez. He's an artist for Bongo Comics, who make The Simpson's comic. He drew, for me, a picture of me signing autographs for THE COMIC BOOK GUY! It's totally cool. I'll scan it at my brother's house, and post it this week sometime. Two other cool guys, Jason Ho and Mike Rote, also Bongo artists, did cool Simpson's caricatures of Ryan and Nolan (my step-kids). Thank you Bongo guys!
I also met Spike, of Spike and Mike's Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation, (the first guys to recognize Mike Judge's brilliance in the pre-Bevis days), and did a little soundbyte for their 25th anniversary special, so Spike gave me an autographed DVD of their greatest sick and twisted hits. Cool!
Finally, I traded an autographed picture of yours truly for a copy of "College Girls Gone Wild." You know the one you see on TV? Trading things is cool.
That's it, kiddies. I'm back in LA now, and getting ready for my Big Birthday Bash next weekend. I'm turning 29 on the 29th! YES!
Your punching bag,
Big news! Big news!
A message board!!
A whole section for aspiring actors!
A whole section for me to get up on my soapbox, and rant, rant, rant!
A *real* gallery, with pictures of me and my dog, me and my cats, and other stuff you could care less about.
I'm really excited. And this never would have happend with out the support of viewers like you, the WM Keck Foundation, and the letters F and U, and the number 12.
This is the best idea I've heard in a long time. It comes from Maverick, a cool girl with a guy's name (her description): "Get raging drunk at your
birthday party, have someone catch all that on film, then call it "Wil Wheaton Goes Crazy.'"
Sort of like "College Girls Go Wild", but without the college girls...hmmm...maybe it's not such a good idea after all.
Hey party people.
Head on over to the webcam page. You can see my step-son Ryan in all his punk rock glory.
PS- Radio is offline right now. Playing Age of Empires and I need the cycles!
I've been thinking about the radio a lot recently. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in a Radiohead vortex. I'm not sure.
Well, today, I got an email from a girl who wanted to know why Radio Free Burrito hasn't been on. I told her that I turned it off because nobody ever listened, as far as I know, and, quite honestly, the pAved earth is just a whole hell of a lot cooler.
So I ask you, experiencer of my lameness...have you tuned into my little station of bliss?
I'm also kicking around the idea of creating a message board. What do you think?
Okay, you can all stop worrying. We found Sketch. He was behind the couch.
Carpets are drying, and the yard is getting clean! Whee!
My birthday is this Sunday, and we're having the carpets cleaned this morning.
And my cat, Sketch, ran out of the house, and we can't find him.
So the votes are officially in.
Out of the total of 4 votes I got, all of them said it would be cool to have an online journal, so here it is.
I'm off now to make dinner for the family. You know what we're having tonight?
Burritos. No shit.