Would that be a re-animated Andre the Giant or just Andre the Giant in his current corpse state? And if it's the latter, wouldn't that make him a Frenchman by default?

("He's lacking a lot of...CHAAARRRRMMMM").

oo so you are putting comments up? ok everyone can thank me! ok i'll shut up now
luv ya
_-*JeSs*-_

I think wesley would get his ass beat like a red headed step child, casue annikin has the force with him and wesley is just a wanker.

Anakin would win both battles. Force or not, he's got way more of a temper than Wesley especially if you piss him off in the right way. *cough* Star Wars EP2 spoilers *cough*

3. Annikin gets tricky, throwing Queen Amidala in a barely-there costume ringside at a critical juncture. The Weas, blinded, as if by sunlight, stumbles back in a daze. Annie follows up with an Instep Smash [tm] and a Flying Suplex off the top rope, completely blowing the Weas out of the ring. The Weas, finding himself semi-conscious in a heap of folding aluminum chairs, grabs one and proceeds to argue finer points of philosophy with Annie's head using the chair. The Queen rapidly tires of all this testosterone-ridden mayhem, and orders "Game Over" in a sharpish voice, whereupon our two heroes and the Queen retire to the local Irish Pub to drink Black Bush, and watch the Pogues.

Okay guys, this is not a Wesley hate site, so stop it! Thanks.

wesley would definetly win cuz hes hott.. sorry i juss had to say that-no more comments from me i promise

The whole thing would just be a ploy for male physical contact, and would degrade into some veiled homoerotic foreplay, or more.

In that case, they both win. Even better if we got to watch the match. :-)

Jeff
(who wrote some whack gay-themed Wil Wheaton magazine article a LONG time ago, now posted at http://Jeff.oasismag.com/stories/storyReader$13)

I have to Agree with Wil on #2

2. Annie and The Weas start fighting, realize that they have more in common than not, and they team up against France. You know the rest.
But after France I think they go to Hooter's.
(hmmm I wonder what the waitress would say?)

Will vs Jake -> Will would kick his ass cuz he's cooler, hipper, geekier, and well, uh... older.

Wesley vs Anakin -> I'd think a phaser vs light saber fight would be kinda like the pistol vs sword fight in Indiana Jones... the one where the dude is all swinging his sword around looking like hot stuff, then Indy just pops a cap in him. So I'd vote Wesley winner.

awww, they're saying such mean tihngs about wil/wesley on that fark whatever site! wesley was awesome! ofcourse he would win!

Georeg Lucas would never alow them to fight. It wouldnt make a very good Burger King tie-in. LONG LIVE COMMERSHALIZATOIN!!!11

--NT

I think Wil's right about his #2 option... and you're right, Lobos, they should definitely go to Hooters afterwards! Maybe Wesley could meet that humanoid furry chick he fell in love with there, because she escaped her duties as a ruler to pursue her dream as a Hooters girl! Ye-ha! Oh yeah, thanks for giving us another chance with the comments, Wil ^^

Wesley would definetly win. Yea, and thanks Wil (for putting the comments back on.) But also, those two obnoxious girls were just being good fans. They should still get credit.

I definitly think Wesley would win. Anakin stinks, and Star Trek is a lot better then Star Wars! I'm glad u put the comments page on. Thanks.

Yea me too. What were those two girls' email adresses? (The ones writing those comments..)
Thanks for putting comments back on Wil :)

Well, given that when last we saw them both, Wesley was approx. 18 yrs old and Annakin about 6 yr the end result would be pretty much moot. I suspect that the former, after having a good laugh at the prospect, would wander off in search of a nubile alien partner for the noogie-noogie dance.

Canadian0812

I say that well Wes would win..simply cuz the kids like...hmm...10 yrs older.

But minus powers and things like that? Well.. it might have to end in a tie with Annikin dragging in C-3PO (it will happen somehow) and Wes dragging in Data and having a huge android fight fest (yeah..I'd love to see that one. "Well, sir really fighting is not a polite answer")

Wesley WOULD win. There....NO NEED for further
discussion on this topic.Thank you Mr. Wheaton
(sir) for NOT taking away the playpen..we will
be good, we promise! (well untill the minor
league gets sent in again anyway.)

Wesley would get his motherfucking ass kicked by Greedo.

Greedo once killed a man just for snorin'.

And no more blinky-blinky with the comments or stuff around this barren, little rathole is gonna go missing.

That was mean! Wesley was great! He could beat anybody up!

The cheese votes for R2D2.

boop be boop be booop boop boop beep boop

what was that

No idea who would win, but it might be a fun Celebrity Deathmatch. I am SOOOOO happy that comments are BACK. yay.

Wesley is a wimp....but since Wesley IS Wil Wheaton. Wesley would probably win!! Wooohooo!

Well in the case of Wesley BEING Wil Wheaton...that prolly wouldn't help too much... J/K. Fark me, I know. But Anakin is a little Wimp and in the later seasons of TNG Wesley was new bold figure in the face of Trek... *Cough* so he'd win ;)

JoshAct

You guys are all dorks.

Worrying about "Wesley" versus "Anakin."

God's sake, people!

Wil Wheaton versus JAKE LLOYD.

To the pain.

Now that's what I call pod racing.

A box of Wheat Thins vs. the dessicated corpse of Harold Lloyd.

Vader's bionic hand twitched uncontrollably. He had not been prepared for the onslaught of the
young Ensign's repulsar beam. At that moment, he felt not only the agony of electrical impulses
arcing against his nerve-endings, but the humiliation of being stung by Wesley Crusher. The
Dark Lord of the Sith stunned. His mechanical breathing quickened as he throttled his pain, and
reached for his light saber. He had not thought it necessary. This puny boy should not be
such a formidable opponent.

"I have you now, young Crusher."

"The force won't help you this time, bitch. You're in the Star Trek universe now!"

"Shut up, Wesley."

"Ahh!" Those words, which once before had marred a deep wound, were now, again conjured. Wesley
stumbled under the weight of the dark figure's cursings. But, just as he had before, he mustered
the strength to challenge the one who uttered them.

"You wouldn't say that if I was an adult. Actually, Sir, you're going to regret saying that. This
kid's going to kick your Imperial ass!"

Wesley spoke with authority, but feared his power may not be enough. Sure, he'd floated a chair
across the room with his repulsar beam, but never had he used it in a combat situation. He quickly
reconfigured the power matrix for 110% output -- a trick Jordi had taught him. "Take that!"

Wesley directed the emitter toward his enemy, but Vader was too quick. The beam was easily
deflected by the glowing, red saber.

"I'm going to turn you into a torch, little man." Vader charged his opponent, his breathing
further hastened by the attack. With both hands, he grasped the saber and struck down against
the blue beam of wesley's. Wesley fell back, desperately trying to keep the emitter pointed toward
his enemy. Then, came a thunderous clap. A Plasma burst! The two energies from two different
universes had annihilated the gravitons in the repulsar beam like an antimatter explosion.

Wesley found himself enveloped in a graviton bubble. He writhed in pain from the surging of the
bubble, and the plasma burns on his hands. Vader was infuriated. He violently struck the bubble
with his light saber, each time causing a plasma burst and singeing his foe.

The young Ensign thought this was the end. At any moment Vader would break through the graviton
field and slice him open. But wait! Wesley thought for a moment, and... Yes! If he could just
tap a few of the buttons on the front of his little, gray box...

With smart thinking, and some quick finger work, Wesley reversed the polarity of the emitter.
Suddenly, with a burst of bright light, the blue beam turned to yellow. Vader was thrown to the
ground as the light saber exploded in his hand.

Wesley stood and approached his vanquished foe. "Screw you, sir. Your saber-swatting, tie-
fighting, dark-side living days are over."

The blinking lights on Vader's breastplate slowed and dimmed. A stream of smoke emanated from his
grill-covered mouth. The battle was over.

Mortal Kombat voice: "Finish him!"

Harold Lloyd (barely audible rasp): "Need milk. Throat very dry."

Ohhhhhhh, so this is how you post a comment, hmmm.

Some people probably ought to have those *coughs* checked out by a doctor...sounds contagious.
Farkers are mean by nature, because they seem to think they are superior over all other humans.
If it were an unarmed battle, my vote is for Wesley, who most likely got fight training from Star Fleet and Worf. If it were an armed fight, it would probably still be Wesley(the training)
and the Dark Side always loses in the end. If it were cheese factor, it would most likely still be Wesley, because Star Wars is far cheesier than Star Trek. If they were the same size and age, it would probably be Anakin, because he would fight dirty. Hey, I'm not "worried" about this, just speculatin', and without kissing Wil's butt or advertising my site either! I like the Data vs. C3PO scenerio, but obviously it would be Data.
.....and what are we thanking "JeSs" for??

Clarification: I want to see a homoerotic wrestling match between Wil and Hayden Christiansen, NOT Jake Lloyd. BIG difference, there. :-)

Jeff

I thought this whole thing was really hilarious. The really nice thing was that, over at FARK, nobody made the mistake of confusing me with my character.

I don't think that would have happened before I had this website, and it makes me happy. :)

Hey,
we're thankin jess cuz shes the 1 that got the comments bak 4 ur information n she's a good fan. so u should b kissin her sweet ass!

I think Wes would have to win. But through brains not brawn. It would be MacGuyver style. He would find something in the area to quickly make a rudimentary phaser, and then using the grease from his own hair as an energy source, would shoot Anakin right between the eyes (on Stun setting, of course).

Re: Jeff's comment about a wrestling match between Wil and Hayden Chritinansen. - May I just say, nice Idea, but it would definately have to be Wil and Natalie Portman doing the wrestling. And somehow I don't think Wil would object!

It strikes this newbie that blogs such as Mr. Wheaton's (SIR!) should be mandatory endeavors for anyone who happens to find themselves in the public eye. Much adolescent misery and confusion could be thus averted... Just think how many young people may not become anorexic/bulemic if only they knew more of the real truth of the essentially ordinary people lurking behind the facades of their wafer-thin, supermodel idols (but one example). To say nothing of the "leveling" effect such sites might have on their creators. If Wil's laudable exercise is any indication, such sites not only help others to "separate the man from the role," but help the man to fight his own demons associated therewith. Ah, pity the poor, soon-to-be starving therapists... now that self-help is just a blog away! ;-)

[Please pardon the psuedo-psychological ramblings of an elderly nerd... my God, this stuff is bloody addictive. Now, what were those 12 steps again?]

Colin

PS - re: "Farkers" and apparent mean condescension: These (mostly) very bright kids have yet to learn one of life's most important lessons... Intellect sans social grace is like a gourmet meal sans good wine; nice to have and quite enjoyable, but incomplete and ultimately less than truly satisfying.

Hrm.

Colin, although I never really thought of Mr. Wheaton (SIR!) as a "wafer-thin supermodel," I can see how someone might have seen Him that way, what with the boyish good looks and bubbly charm....

Jesus moses. What have you done, Colin? My pure, unsullied brain has been soiled! Oh. Wait. Never mind. Too late....

Well said, Colin.

[quote]Colin, although I never really thought of Mr. Wheaton (SIR!) as a "wafer-thin supermodel," I can see how someone might have seen Him that way, what with the boyish good looks and bubbly charm....[/quote]

JSc - Not what I meant, of course... but an interesting thought. Uncle Willie sporting the latest Polo gear on Ralph Lauren's runway? Why not? Good money in that, eh? And JSc, gee, I'm honestly very glad to know that I won't be held responsible for soiling your brain. That would indeed be a heavy burden to bear. ;)

Colin

You all really miss it Wes would win because he was played by the God, Wil Wheaton.

Way to go- i vote for Joshua's sinario, very cool-indeed. Everyone knows that the superhuman mind of Wesley could come up with anything to defeat the bad guys.Wesley Rocks! and He's way cuter!!!

Two minutes into the fight, Wes suddenly figures out the problem with Anakin's force that's making him such a bitch. He gets Riker to distract the kid while he fixes the problem. With the problem fixed, the fight is called off.

20 years later, Anakin doesn't turn into Darth Vader. Without an evil sidekick to hide behind, the Emperor is forced to grow his own balls, making him that much more dangerous. The Emperor wipes out the Skywalker family while the twins are still preadolescent, and handily takes over the galaxy.

Millennia later, the really decrepit looking but still powerful Emperor is now in control of the known universe. A young Gene Roddenberry disappears while still in elementary school, suspected of future 'political views opposing the government'. Wesley no longer exists.

Meanwhile, George Lucas has a lucrative career as the producer of government propaganda movies. The hero of the Star Wars series is now the Emporer.

Wil, let's be honest...

Anyone would kick Wesley's ass.

Seriously.

The people that hated Wesley are all the people that PRAYED that they could BE WESLEY.

You know this; it's all that envy.

Buncha crap and the Cheese and R2D2 know it.

boop be boop be booop boop boop beep boop

It's quite simple really. Wesley would stop by his mothers work and pick up some antibacterial/antiviral/anti-etc. medecine and give it to Anakin.

This would remove the source of Anakin's power.

It's simple, and it's brains over brawn, in true Wesley style.

I say thanks for getting the comments back to whoever did that, thanks Wil. I kiss no ones ass!

although most point made were valid, i would have to say that wesley with his god powers would beat anakin. Anakin has the force but he ain't no god, wesley stops time and then pokes anakin with a sharp stick as well as most of the french population for good measure..

Who would win in a fight between Teddy Duchamp and John Gotti?

It's threads like this that make the comments worthwhile.

Depends on where the fight took place.

In a TNG setting the viewers would have never seen the fight; maybe just a scene with wesley with some bruises, etc. Then a scene or two with wesley talking to data or Laforge and then a Scene with a concerned Dr Crusher and Picard, then a scene with wesley and a stern Picard, then wesley would have ended up making some mature decision and then a corny epilog.

If it was in a Star Wars Setting Lucas & the Corporate McDonalds folks would have to workshop it and do some market studies and it would end up being all comupter generated special effects.

In a nuetral setting wil gets his ass kicked every time.

Hmm... Wesley would stop time, scan Vadar with his tricorder, discover Vader's really really high mitichloridanwhatisfaceian count, run down to sick bay, synthesize mitichloridanwhatisfaceians, jack himself up to twice what Vadar has, restart time and proceed to bounce Asthesma Boy all over the place.

Then, just before killing Vader, Wesley would have a change of heart and both of them will decide to kill Jar Jar Binks instead.

Afterwards, they would retire to that cool Irish pub from the movie "The Quiet Man" and drink a couple of pints of the local stout (with Vader drinking from a straw stuck through his mouth grill), after which Vader would get really drunk, kill John Wayne by mistake and wind up sleeping with Maureen O'Hare. She gets pregnant, and nine months later, gives birth to Wesley. Vader calls up Wesley from Ireland, and says, "What the fark? I guess I'm your father after all."

Meanwhile Amidala has to apply for Aid for Families with Dependent Children back on Tatooine and Luke and Leia turn into starving children who are saved by Sally Struthers, but that's another story.

Man..I stumbled on to this site because another site was picking on an auction on eBay Wil Wheaton bid on (some silly picture of a guy with a big pickle hat). I can't believe I have sat here for 2 hours reading all this stuff...I enjoy the humor on this site..I will be around more to check it out. I am unfortunately ill-equipped to come up with an opinion on this topic. I never liked Star Trek The Next Generation (although I have watched almost all the episodes at one time or another).

As far as "Stand By Me" goes...I liked it a bit..it would have been better if Corey Feldman wasn't in it. Anyone here get a load of the eyebrow job he had done for the "Tales from the Crypt" movie? Man..I still have nightmares over that one! It reminds me of little old french ladies who shave their eyebrows off, then pencil them back in to resemble a question mark.

ROCK ON Wil..I dig the site! That alone makes me a little bit of a fan! Keep up the great work!

Hey Wil! Can you do something about the font size?
My eyes get sore trying to read the small print.

a. offers w. some potato chips. once w. reaches for the bag, a. grabs his arm and BAM suddenly he's bantha fodder. we've got to remember that the dark side is strong in this one.

Wes and Anni both get ready to fight it out in a large room filled with a members of the Anti-Annoying-Kids-On-TV/Movies Club booing them on. Suddenly, Warf and Obi Wan, hearing spoilers on the net that the Twerps might get more air time in the ext movies then themselves, storm in and blast both Anni and Wes into steaming piles of smeg. And The Crowd Goes Wild.
Wil and Lloyd then Thank their Saviors for freeing them from their restrictive and hated rolls and join together to build a line of Homoerotic Droids. Obi and Warf now star in the rest of their respective movie series.

Everyone Comes Out Happy. ;-)

Hmmm.....how about Judge Judy, Anne from The Weakest Link, and Miss Cleo all going at it in a three-way? (No, not THAT kind of three-way, people!) *shudders*

Ahh ... if Colin's suggestion about every public figure being required to keep a blog came true, I for one would never be able to able to live offline again! Wil's here, I mean Mr. Wheaton's (SIR!) is addicting enough. Still, a worthy proposal.

Anakin vs. Wesley? I don't know; I'm so out-of-it that I've never even seen "Phantom Menace", but didn't they call that kid "Mannequin"? Based on the trailer for whatever that next one is, with the suddenly-ten-years-older Anakin mumbling emotionlessly to the looks-the-same-age
Amidala, the nickname is appropriate. So I would want Wesley to win, because Anakin looks like a human sleeping pill and Wesley is just ... Wesley. (He has a more appropriate surname, too.)

"Hmmm.....how about Judge Judy, Anne from The Weakest Link, and Miss Cleo all going at it in a three-way? (No, not THAT kind of three-way, people!) *shudders*"

Miss Cleo would be dog meat in 2 seconds... then the fight would be between Judy & Anne. I think Judy is really kind-hearted, just tough. Anne seems like an abrasive bitch. Anne'd knock Judy upside the head with her own gavel then step on her face while she's down, thus, winning the battle.

I had to think about this for a second. So without the Traveler powers, everyone knows Wesley is a 98lb weakling and a four year old can whack him, no less a badass 6 year old street-smart slave like Annakin.

But then, upon further reflection, if Wes gets started on the theories behind the Warp architecture on Enterprise, everyone, including the audience, will have their eyeballs roll into the back of their heads, and keel over, deader than Enron.

In the real world, if Wheaton can't kick Lloyd's ass, then he's the biggest loser this side of Lindh.

Was huge fan of Wesley as a 12 year old, but have to say that I think Skywalker would kick his ass, even considering the age difference. Wesley is like 14, and Skywalker is what, 8 or 9?

depends...is it pre traveller wesley or not? if its pre i'd say lil skywalker because of the force.after well id say wes would wipe n space(a little doctor who refrence)with skywalker.

I think Weas could take Annie pretty easily, but what would happen is Weas would be accidentally defeated by Annie due to an unexplainably odd number of accidents caused by Annie in an aloof state.

I still think we need the Ultimate Warrior and/or the Macho Man somewhere in the Wes vs. Annie mix.

This, of course, also DATES how long I've been watching Wrestling. o.O
~Kaylin

And Spudnuts...

I think Teddy Duchamp would win...hands down. I mean, seriously, the kid had his ear burned off on a stove element, and he also had all that training from his Dad (Who stormed the beach in Normandy).
But it wouldn't be a fist fight...oh no....it would be a sarcasm, who-can-come-up-with-the-best-insult fight.
:-)
Just my two cents mind you.
~Kaylin

P.S. Think it's time to watch 'Stand By Me' again. Great story.

It's good to see that some of you are learning to give Mr. Wheaton (SIR!) the proper respect he deserves. Keep it up.

It is horribly disappointing, however, that even one of you believes that Anakin Skywalker (originally Anakin Starkiller, but that's an entirely different rant) could even touch Wesley Crusher. Crusher has Traveller powers. Freeze time, instantaneously teleport through space, etc., etc., etc. Anakin, even at the top of his game, got his ass smacked by that whining bitch Luke.

Bad-ass-ness instantly becomes irrelevant. Anakin would lose, period.

Anakin does a heel turn and stomps a mudhole in Babyface Wesley, leaving him a bloody, unconcious mess. BLADE, WESLEY, BLADE. Setting up the Superbowl halftime no DQ steel cage rematch to be refereed by Judge Judy .

Teddy DuChamp would definetly win! anyone the played in Stand By Me would! Thats like the greatest movie in the world! Plus he's tougher than the other guy - with the burnt off ear and the tough dad and everything.

omg, of course Teddy DuChamp would win! i kno he's a geek, but i agree w/ jessi, lets face it, ne1 in Stand by me would win! they could knick ne1's @$$!

Sorry Wes (or as some call him, cool Uncle Willie), but Anakin would layeth a Jedi-style smackdown upon your ass.. If for no other reason than misspelling his name..

Hey wil, long time listener, first time caller... er, poster. I just thought I'd chime in on this debate with something that reinforces someone's previous statement on why Wesley would beat Anakin, even with The Force(tm).

I refer you to Star Trek (the original series), specifically an episode called Plato's Stepchildren. These Greek people on an alien planet get big psychic powers due to something in their blood, and so Bones synthesizes the chemical and gives Kirk et al twice the strength of the strongest of the aliens. That's what I first thought of when Lucas came up with the midichlorian thing.

Armed with this information, I think it's obvious that Wesley will scan Anakin, figure out what gives him his power, and make himself the most powerful Jedi ever. Then he'd crush Anakin like a bug, and subsequently go mad with power, taking over the Federation and killing everyone that ever said "Shut up, Wesley."

And with that bit of geekery, I depart.

#2 . . . You know the rest...

France surrenders?

Tonights main event is scheduled for one fall. Introducing Wesley 'The Traveller' Crusher and his opponent Anakin 'The Force is Strong in Me' Skywalker.
Your special guest referee for tonight is the one and only Sauron Lord of Mordor.
*Burning eye appears high above the ring*
Anakin makes the opening move, the 'Jedi Ranged Choke Hold' and draws his lightsabre.
Wesley clutches at his throat feebly making splut-splut noises as a grinning Anakin advances.
"Any last words?" he says raising his lightsaber.
"Physical existance is so limiting don't you think." replies Wes casually as the scene changes.
Suddenly Anakin finds himself atop the Eiffel Tower with only Wes's fading Cheshire Cat grin in front of him. Oh and what appears to be every Starship phasor array in the Federation.
He brings the Ligtsaber around to try and deflect the fire... It kinda works.
Wes reappears back in the ring just before a strip of Anakin the same dimensions as a lightsaber blade flops to the canvas.
One quick pin later its all over...

What a lot of folks are missing is that Luke beat Anakin.

And Luke was a whiny, always-state-the-obvious kid in his late teens who was thrown head-first into his training.

Sound familiar?

Exactly. Wesley gets the win.

BTW, Wil, I love the site. You're funny as hell and a great guy. I think I'm gonna make WWDN my home page. :)

Wes would win. With his killer looks, who could stand to fight him. Powers or no powers! Wes is to die for! It would be way cool to see though. So what are you wearing SIR Wes? ST uniform?

WOW WOW

I think Anakin wouldn't waste his time on Wesley like anyone (he does get points for being cute) would so I'd see a forefit as the result.

It's nice that you's lot put so much effort into this, glad there's still some people left that haven't been bitten by the corporate bug.

Jerry,

It's nice to know that I have a growing group of people who repeat me. So long as there aren't too many of you, it's ok. Don't let too many people join the new "cool" crowd though, or it won't be anywhere near as indie and revolutionary as it is right now!

Hey I cant beleave it I can talk online with my favorit actor on startrek. I love startrek so much and was put down when you left the series.

Well I know that you post back to alot of people around the world so I wont take up to much of your time but I just wanted to say hi and that you are my #1 actor. thats all.

Scott

Hardly anybody gets to see the best movies made every year. Movies with heart, soul, real emotion. At the Spiritual Cinema Circle, we go to dozens of film festivals every year to find great movies that will never make it to your local theater or video store. If you liked Whalerider, Field of Dreams, and The Matrix then you're going to love the undiscovered treasures the Spiritual Cinema Circle finds for you. Bryian. Visit us at http://www.Spiritual-Movies.com

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