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February 21, 2002
Imagine if you can that it's the summer of 1988. Not too hard, what with the terrible economy, deficit spending and incompetent president.
Still with me?
So it's 1988, and a little show called Star Trek: The Next Generation is in it's second season. It's struggling a little bit, experiencing the typical sophomore slump of any new series, and a writer's strike is not helping very much.
In the summer of 1988, I turned 16 years old, and, just like the Corey's, I got a License to Drive!
It's well documented within the Star Trek community that Patrick Stewart and I bought almost the same car, a 1989 Honda Prelude...the, uh, only problem is, I bought a model that was just slightly cooler than his. (He got the si, and I got the si4WS, baby.) Patrick has really had fun over the years, teasing me about how, since then, he's always had cooler cars than I do, to which I reply something about his driver.
What's not well documented, however, is this thing that happened, in the summer of 1988, in the parking garage at Paramount, where we all parked our cars.
We were all working late one night, probably shooting blue screen on the bridge, so we were all wrapped at the same time (a rarity). I excitedly walked to the parking garage with Jonathan Frakes, who I was already looking up to.
So we're walking back to our cars, and we're talking about something, I can't quite remember what, and I really feel like Jonathan is treating me like an equal. He's not treating me like I'm a kid. It really makes me feel good, and I say to him, "You know, Jonathan, I can tell, just from talking to you, that when you were younger? You used to be cool."
He laughs, and I think to myself that I've cemented my position with him as cool contemporary, rather than lame ass kid.
Then he says, "What do you mean, used to be?!"
I realized what I'd said, and how it didn't match up with what was in my head, which was, "Gee, man. You are so cool now, as an adult, I bet that you were a really cool guy, who I'd like to hang out with, when you were my age."
He knew what I meant, I could tell, and he really tortured me about that, for years. Every time I see him nowadays, he turns to a person nearby, and he says, "You know, Wheaton here told me that I used to be cool." We laugh about it, and I make the appropriate apologies, and explanations, while Jonathan makes faces and gestures indicating that I am full of shit.
Now, when I was working on Trek, I always wanted to be:
- As good an actor as Patrick,
- As funny as Brent,
- And as cool as Jonathan.
I'm still working on those things, and Jonathan just recently showed me how cool he still is.
Jonathan directed this new movie, called "Clockstoppers". It's a movie geared towards kids, but it seems smart enough for their parents to sit through it without dreaming up ways of eviscerating the writer responsible for robbing them of 90 minutes of their weekend, which sets it well apart from most "family" films.
Ryan and Nolan have been talking about how they can't wait to see this movie, and I mentioned to them last week that I was friends with the director, and I had heard that it was going to be really cool, and I was pretty sure that I could get us into a screening.
So I called up Jonathan's office, and asked if I could get some tickets to a screening, so I could take the kids, and be a hero to them. Jonathan's assistant said that it would be no problem, and I'd hear from someone at Nickelodeon about the screening.
The next day, the phone rings, and it's totally Jonathan himself, calling me back, telling me how happy he is that I want to take my step-kids to see his movie, and that he's really happy to get me into the screening on Saturday.
See, the thing is, Jonathan is what we in Hollywood call A Big Deal(tm), and usually people who become A Big Deal(tm) don't usually talk to people who aren't also A Big Deal(tm).
But Jonathan is not only A Big Deal(tm), he's also A Really Great Guy(tm), and he didn't need to call me back, personally. Actually, I really didn't expect him to.
But he did, and that proves that he is now, and always has been, cool. Despite my fumbled proclamations as a 16 year old dorkus.
Posted by wil at February 21, 2002 09:32 PM
Will have to keep an eye out for that one.
Those what-are-they-up-to-now things always fascinate me, whether they be actors I admired or my friends from elementary school.
Dammit, got excited about being first and accidentally hit post! Hate when that happens.
That's so cool Wil. Guess some people in Hollywood never cease to amaze you, huh?
We all expect a full report on the movie when you return.....
Is it Friday yet?????
Yeah, French Stewart from 3rd Rock, is in it, he was plugging it today on 98.9 the Rock (KC radio)this morning.
Frakes does always seem to be having fun. Glad to know it hasn't all gone to his head. But how come he only got you tix to a screening and not the farking Premiere?
That's really cool, Wil... Glad to hear you still have a good relationship with all those people you looked up to when you were growing up.
I always got the impression that Frakes seemed like a cool guy, at least from the interviews that I read. It's nice to know that he probably really is in real life.
I have one word for that:
And some guys are so cool that they agree to write forewards to books, even when they've never met you.
I hope you meet your aspirations to become so cool, Wil.
Actually, I hope you just have a chance to see where you are someday and then to do some gap-analysis on that whole cool here vs. cool there thing.
/end endearing comment
Wil: when you go to the screening, you don't have to apologise about Jonathan being cool or not. Jus' tell 'im that now he's "way cool."
See if he'd like an "UnrealisticExpectations.com" hat to where for all of those people who don't believe how cool he is.
That's awesome. I hope your step-kids like it.
Are you, perchance trying to inundate us with rapid posts tonight because you feel guilty 'bout not posting or soemthing? Or did we finally lose the 'writers block'?
Anyways...awesome. Hope it's cool!
COREY AND COREY 4-EVER!
(the sad thing is, i'm totally not joking. ah, the days of my adolescence... ;))
Clockstoppers...the name is familiar.
Frakes is a producer for Roswell isn't he? Hey Wil, tell him to shop it to one of the big networks so it can finally get more than 20 people watching it!
Ohh! Julia Sweeney is in the movie! I love her!
She's so good on "Maybe It's Me".
Wait - Did I miss something? Brent is funny? Do tell.
There's nothing better than having a friend who is also a great mentor.
Looks like the plot of clock stoppers is based on an old episode of Ducktales. Remember Ducktales Wil? Huh huh, do ya?
Can Jonathon stop by and post something next?
I bet he has spell check, though...
A friend of mine set up a surprise meeting for me a few years ago for my birthday, and it was Jonathan Frakes. He is totally cool, the coolest, I may sound like I lameass, but I don't care. Jonathan, was one of the nicest people I have ever met, thanks to Eric Stillwell.
Hey Wil, I know you will still be as cool, when you get older. I can say that with pride, since I am 28, and I am one year behind you, haha.
Major Mojo Uncle Willy!!!!!!!
Wow, Wil. Four posts in one day. What happened to those "UPN ratings for ideas?" Knew that wouldn't last for long :-)
have a nice day,
Christ, Number One.
WHY does the protagonist in "Clockstoppers" have to be named "Zak?"
Wil, can't you stop this madness?
He'd better not ride a fucking skateboard...
There really isn't any other show that I would feel compelled to actually go up to one of the actors in a public place and want to shake their hand and compliment them. TNG just had a cool friendliness about it, and it must be because everyone involved was so cool and they were all such good friends in real life.
The other night I had a strange dream (keep reading, it's not freaky) that I was in Vegas, and I bumped into Brent. It was cool at first, but then I became that terrible kind of fan that I'm sure every actor dreads meeting -- I was shaking his hand and I wouldn't/couldn't let go. The whole time we're standing there talking, and he's trying to pull his hand away. I wanted to let go, but I couldn't. I was completely humiliated. But, luckily I woke up before he had to sic his henchmen on me. Whew!
You know who plays the skateboard?
But it's not your momma's Wesley Crusher.
It's Wesley Crusher: BORG QUEEN!
If I were writing the script for "Clockstoppers" the protagonist would be named Chodo Gobre'l Shoat-Nin-Bread.
And he wouldn't ride a fucking skateboard.
He'd ride a hydrogen-powered mechanical bull with an upholstery attachment and wet bar.
And he'd have a very gay cat named "Monsignor Chappy Nips" who would sniff people's asses in a flamboyant and aggressive manner.
He'd drive a fucking Delorean that'd be powered on waste products, and you know it.
And Huey Lewis and the News would be rocking the soundtrack.
Tell me you can't hear the saxophone ripping up the intro...
And you can't help but start to hear "Back in Time..." in your head.
Yeah, take that, no-bones.
After watching the trailer, I see "Zak" rides a BMX bike thing instead of a skateboard.
Personally, I say put the little fucker on a blackburst metalflake chromed-out cholo Segway with the hydraulic ghettobounce action ala Cube's ride in "Boyz in the Hood."
What the fuck do I know?
I'm a civilian.
You had me at "He'd ride a hydrogen-powered mechanical bull with an upholstery attachment and wet bar."
Bwhahaa.... i miss Spud.
Good laughs Wil..
Thanks... been a rough day over at www.soulcracker.com.
It's nice to see Biehn rescued from Endofthreadsville though.
When I saw he was in that TBN Jesus-film "Megiddo" I was sure his next stop was co-piloting a turkey baster with Ron Popeil.
TBN/PAX = Endofthreadsville.
What are you guys blathering about? You psychotics! You're making no sense.
I love Kelly Ripa.
Damn that Regis.
Hrrm. I'll hold you to this one, Wil, and take my stepkids to this movie as well. It's so true, I can't stand those "family movies" that have been polluting our theatres lately, it's so painful. We actually duck into another movie after we drop the kids off at the screen showing these so-called "family movies". Either that or wait for it to show up as a rental. ^_^
Actually, I'll hold Mr. Frakes to it. It better be darn well cool.
And Wil will be A Big Deal™ eventually. And supersized with biggie fries and an apple pie. Bwahaha.
When's the happy meal dealie coming out?
"Wesley Crusher: BORG QUEEN!"
That's really very frightening.
Aaaaalmost as frightening as ...
as Jonathan Frakes being cool.
Eh, I'm kidding. Frakes is very amusing.
Mmmm, mint Milanos
Happy Meal dealie? Is it a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal dealie?!? Why are the McNuggets always round or boot shaped??? And what part of the chicken does the McNugget come from?
Tonight I will fall asleep to the sound of my own screams.
Carl's Jr. has been asking the same question - where do the nuggets come from.
They've got a point.
Although it is kinda weird seeing a bunch of grown men pawing over a chicken.
LMFAO! Reading this thread, I have several times almost choked to death on my french fries. You guys are damn hilarious.
P.S. When you drive alone, you drive with Hitler.
Aw shit. Really?
I have to tell my Jewish relatives that tidbit.
It's kind of ironic - in Rat Race, Lovitz's family drives around in Hitler's car.
That makes my head hurt.
Beautiful story, Wil. Thank you for that and enjoy the movie! :-)
Borg Queen? Honey, you do realize that's one lisp away from Drag Queen, right?
"I am Wil of Wheaton.net. Resistance is futile. You will be a monkey. Sistah!"
Man. I'd pay to see that.
Yep, Jonathan sounds like a major cool dude, maybe pitch him a movie!
But actually I hope the lads enjoy the flick and that it is at least half as entertaining as "Spy Kids" -- as a parent I need a fun film that surprises me..... my spouse and I take turns hitting the kiddie flicks since they are soooo lame sometimes.
The only one I adored last year was "Spy Kids". The year before (and this was my film of the year and I am a animation geek too!) "The Iron Giant".
But I for one am avoiding this year: Big Fat Lier and Peter Pan II. Yeeech!
ah ha! at last!
Is it true my dear Wil? Are you going to be at the Motor City Con in May? Coz I might just have to haul my ass across the border to come on down and show you a bit of Canadian lovin'. I mean sure, I've been to the Detroit Con before...but if YOU'RE going to be there I might have to break my three year drought. (the last trip went really badly. we needn't go into details)
What I enjoyed most was that on the site for the con where they list the ST cast that will be attending you are the ONLY the one with a pic up.
So you're gonna show up, right? You're not gonna back out last minute like oh so many stars, RIGHT?
The convention in Novi, MI? I have not gone there in a few years (although I only live 5 miles away).
Last time I went I got infuriated with the gobs of humanity everywhere and the fact that everyone that I wanted to meet bailed on the convention. I might drop by this year.
I always thought Jonathan was cool - glad to know he really is. Wil - if you talk to Jonathan Frakes any time soon - please tell him that some of your fans want the Roswell movie! He will know what you are talking about.
gosh lots of posts. the trouble with being british (well no, that's not *the* trouble but never mind) is that everything happens on here while i am asleep. when i am in work and desperate for something to occupy me all is silent :(
Oh my Buddha!! Another Roswell fan at WWDN???!!! Actually I am a fan of the Roswell that was, and the Roswell could have been, it has seriously gone down the crapper.
But anyway, one of the very reasons I started watching it was because of Frakes. And I loved the episodes he was in.
Don't feel bad, you are expected to say less than articulate things when you are 16.
P.S. when is Anne coming back? ;-)
completely agree Susie. I kind of like to look at it the other way tho'. All the people in the U.S. are missing out on the important things in MY life while they're asleep. heh. I like that.
Now, if oyu'll excuse me I'll go and tame my ego....
Good going Hero Wil, I guess some people in hollywood will return your phone calls. hehe. Just kidding. Good luck, have fun at the movie, looks interesting, but didnt now Jonathan Frakes was directing it.. cool. I was joking with someone that it looked like Matrix Jr. but I retract all negative comments now.
Thank you very much for the trip down memory lane. I remember 1988 very well. See, that summer I was in a film with Weird Al called "UHF". Remember that piece of crap? It had Cramer in it before he was famous, and it also had the Nanny in it before she was famous.
Anyway, there I am, an 18 year old (2 years older than Wil, whoo hooo!!!) rubbing elbows with all of these great stars. Just hanging out, having a great time, (I had a 1986 Buick Somerset, btw) thinking life could get no better.....
Thanks for the time warp.
Ok, I guess I get to be the lamer today. The first thing I thought of (as opposed to Roswell) in terms of post-TNG Frakes was the animated Gargoyles series he did with Marina Sirtis and Ed Asner... Reasonably cool for a Disney cartoon series.. Gargoyles, WoooOooh (ala Ducktales)... Nevermind! Oh, and Wil, are you implying that you USED TO BE a dorkus? :P
Jesus, wasn't everyone?
McNuggets, Brady, are the same part of a chicken that Rocky Mountain Oysters are on a steer and Hors D'oeuvres are on Arabians.
And don't ask me to explain what KFC's Popcorn Chicken is.
the economy's not that bad right now... i can remember back in the late 70's and early 80's when there was 20% inflation, interest rates up to 19%, unemployment as high as 18% in some cities, energy crises, etc.
those were crap times. we've got it pretty easy now. 1988 wasn't that bad, either... of course, i'm not passively-agressively pushing a politically liberal viewpoint, either....
Ah, Mike, you should be proud to associated with such a "cult classic." (; UHF is quality viewing that actually seems to make sense when you see it at 2:30 in the morning.
Wil, tell Frakes that you played a blank tape all night at full blast and the mime next door went crazy.
Just as an aside, as you're walking into the theatre to take your seat.
Then, for telling such a neat funny, you'll be "even cooler."
You know, I always thought the people with the best smiles on TNG were you and Jonathan. Oh, and LeVar's. The kinda smiles that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like ya'll are just nice people. Glad to know that I wasn't wrong. *grin*
Preludes are cool...Civics are okay, but Preludes are cool...
It's funny, but not "ha ha" funny.
And nice people?
Lermontov, the Man What Has No Bones is not nice.
He's just a softee.
Wesley Crusher: BORG QUEEN, indeed.
(I'm pushing these 'cause I just moved them over to a new server. Plus, I love the sound of my own voice.)
While you may have been only 16 years old on that bridge you shared a bond with all that actors being part of a series that has lasted to this day and made all its actors household names. Why shouldn't Jonathan call back someone who was such a big part of his life and related to the very success he calls today?
Funny Frakes story -- remember way back when half the cast of ST:TNG was traveling around the country doing the Stoppard play "Every Good Boy Deserves Favor?" I got tickets for the Chicago show, and had a great time -- afterwards, I was one of the first people to go around to the stage door, so I was fairly close when the limos pulled up to collect the cast.
Colm Meany came out, saw the crowd that had gathered, *blanched*, and dove into his limo. Gates, Patrick and Brent came out, smiled at people and got into their limo. Jonathan came out, *beamed* at the crowd, and got into his limo. Then he opened the moon roof, stood up in it and proceeded to wave and give the "V for Victory" sign, grinning like a demented Nixon as he drove off.
Now *that* was cool.
I remember 1988. It was a summer of mud pies, biting anyone that touched me, and trying vehemently to convince my parents that I wasn't too old for a bottle.
I was three.
Love the story! I had, as a seven year old, the biggest crush on Will Riker. Wesley was a close third behind Riker and Data.
Thanks for the chuckle!!!!!
I've got this sort of "clinical interest" for the way actors do their jobs. It actually wasn't an interest of mine until I started writing and interviewing people for stories as a science writer. Then I had to sort of "get into" their heads to understand what motivated their actions, thoughts, words, etc.
Then, after I left the newspaper, I started writing scripts for science documentaries. I wanted to make sure that what I wrote worked in the spoken word, so I took to reading about how actors prepare for parts, etc. It was really quite invaluable and certainly a big change from the usual science journals I read!
The next step was to focus on an actor or three or six to see how their preparation worked out and how much their work derived from the written script and how much "inner work" they had to do to bring it to life. So, in a given show I'll sit there and wonder how the actor got ready for a given scene. Recently I've been following work by Dennis Franz, Patrick Stewart, Juliana Margulies, and Julia Roberts. Hell I even do it as I watch old TNG re-runs and the new Enterprise show.
Even though what I write is documentary-style and only shows up in science centers and the like, it is still storytelling and those words I write have to "sound right" to the ear, coming from the actor's mouth.
Ultimately what comes out of the actor's mouth has to somehow resonate withe audience -- and so I want the actor/voiceover to have fun with it, and not be intimidated by the fact that it might be difficult science concepts he or she is talking about. Hence, watching Trek actors go through their paces with sometimes-difficult language is a learning experience for me, too. It's the same with E.R. and the Law and Order "franchise" of shows -- somehow they have to convey sometimes complex information to the audience in a believable context -- and I'll be they have a whale of a time doing it on the set!
Where am I going with this? Oh, yeah, Wil's comments on how cool he thought Frakes was and is, and the fun they had on the set reminded me of an experience I had.
I have a colleague who writes occasionally for Trek (books, scripts, etc.) and he offered to take us (SO and me) on a tour of some of the DS9 and Voyager sets when we were out in LA a few years ago. We managed to slip away from the business conference we were attending in Pasadena and met our friend at Paramount one lovely fall afternoon. After some badging and a few quick hints about being quiet, etc., we slipped into the DS9 bar set and watched as the actors blocked out a scene. Having been in high school acting club, we were familiar with most of the mechanics and so it was a fun thing to watch. After the scene had been blocked, one of the actors -- Armin Shimerman -- came over in full makeup, etc. and talked with us for a while. I asked him if it was fun, even the makeup and dental
"appliance" he had to wear -- and he regaled us with a few whispered tales of how much fun it was. And, it showed on the set -- even though the lights were hot and the atmosphere got a bit tense a couple of times, it was clear that the actors and crew were having a ball.
So I can see in my mind's eye what Wil talks about it, the camaraderie, etc. that he experienced on the Trek set. I can't imagine it NOT being fun with Frakes or the others around. It reminded me of my days at the paper -- when we'd be hot on deadline but still manage to have fun in the newsroom. We knew we had to get the news out to the readers, make it understandable, readable, etc., but we had fun doing it.
Sorry for the ramble -- the dangedest things bubble to the top of my consciousness sometimes...
Does anyone remember the Dukes of Hazard episode where Jonathan Frakes starred as Boss Hogg's nephew who falls in love with Daisy Duke? It pretty much followed the same plotline as every other Dukes of Hazard episode, but this time it was Jonathan Frakes (I think his character's name was Jaime Hogg, or something) as Daisy's love interest for the week.
I suddenly remember why I like TNG the best. :) Great actors including you Wil. Hey you want to come sign my First Contact and Insurrection movie posters? LOL!
No one has mentioned Mr. Frakes only official homepage yet. So here it is http://www.jonathanfrakes.net/
What a great look into the life of STNG. Wil, you are a lucky man to have those experiences under your belt. The price of a few folks sending evil words seems small in comparison to being able to tell Patrick Stewart your car engages better. OK, lame joke. Love the site. Keep up the GREAT work.
P.S. we are about the same age and I was one of those kids who (out of pure hormone-amplified jealousy) always said negative things about your character. Now, I am older and realize I was just a punk.
Wil, I must say that I really enjoy your stories from the 80s and the TNG times. I grew up in the 80s too, so I can relate to the majority of your pop culture references. And "Licence to Drive" was a cult movie in my circles at that time.
P.S. As some of you probably know, the TNG's first season is coming out on DVDs in March (in Canada, anyway). My hubby and I just can't wait! It's our favourite Star Trek series of all time - Wes Crusher included! The Original ST was pretty cool too and we have all 40 (is it 40?) DVDs of that! But nothing beats the sophisticated cool of Captain Picard.
One word: tear. Nawh. I always thought that he's
probably a pretty cool guy.
I know, it makes me sound like a dorky fan, but I love TNG and really enjoy hearing stories about stuff that happened on - and off - the set. V. cool stuff. Just wanted to mention, saw my v. fun doctor today, and his favourite show is also TNG - he thinks Wesley is a great character, and I quote, "that guy is a really good actor - it was interesting watching him grow up on the series." See, yet more evidence of the many of us out here who did not belong to an I hate Wesley club! And great to hear that Jonathan Frakes is as nice a guy off screen as he seems he would be. I trust you will let all of us know here about Clockstoppers?
Got nothing but love for the Frakester.
It's so funny to hear you when you're starstruck.
Actually, I was in graduate school studying astronomy and astrophysics when TNG was in its heydey and believe it or not, more than a few of us identified with Wesley Crusher. I have no idea why (she said ironically).
But, we also identified with Lt. Com. Worf -- imagine a bunch of us going into a final exam, giving each other the "Qa Plah!" high five.
What was even funnier was our graduate office ski "group." We were into downhill madness and we invented Klingon ski jump rules like "A warrior never lands on his ass!"
Oh gawd we sound like we were lamers. But, we had to do something to let off steam between classes and we had fun!
You are freekin me out Weasley crusher! I am 3/10 on the trekkie scale. You blew my mind on the weakest link, hittin on the klingon, and mouthin off too Ann. She was lookin at your ass by the way. But anyway what I do respect, is the way you are being your self. I try too do the same. Don't let all of that hollywood hot air blow you down. And tell Riker too loose the lid like Ted Danson did.
When I said we identified with W.C. on TNG, it wasn't sarcastic about Wesley, it was sarcasm about our motivations, etc. I remember these long conversations with one of my officemates about how difficult it was for us in high school physics, etc., and how we wished it would have come easier for us, like it seemed to for W.C.
Yeah, we knew it was only a show and that in real life, things that come easy for a person always come at the cost of something else being really hard... but, still...
Grad school was a bear, esp. the first year -- and I think we sort of thought of it like first year at the StarFleet Academy, if that makes any sense. And we tried to work through all the tough spots with humor and a little TNG magic. If that makes any sense.
Okay, I'll shut up now and get back to work. Wil, you've created a monster...
whoa.. moving kinda slowly there Paco...
I had to wait a whole 2 seconds of lag to hear "Wesley Crusher.. Borg Queen."
It's an unfair universe I tell ya.
And ONE MORE THING-
go here to have more than just the Borg.. Queen.. Wesley Crusher..
Jonathan Frakes is a Big Deal? I guess that's why they paid him the Big Bucks to do Alien Autopsy. C'mon, does this guy really have cachet in Tinsletown? Well, he's got more than me...
Hey, any movie directed by "One Take" Frakes that also has Michael "Kyle Reese" Biehn in it is all good with me. Can't wait to take a gander at it.
Just so you know, my favorite line to say out loud was: "Revenge is a dish best served with baby potatoes, fresh leeks, mint jelly (apple chutney or mango salsa work just as well), and plenty of napkins."
Jonathan Frakes won't return MY calls.
But that's because Hollywood's longstanding bias against boneless workers is well-documented.
On my recent vacation to Southern California, I went into a very upscale (not very upscale) Chinese restaurant which was in Chinatown but Chinatown is near Hollywood.
I tried to get a table, but the surly Mandarin maitre d'hotel just pointed to a sign written in Chinese characters.
I don't read (much) Chinese, but I'm fairly certain the sign read: "We Chinese HOLLYWOOD (my emphasis) restauranteurs reserve the right to refuse service to disgusting, boneless reprobate pervert-fucks who finger themselves in back alleys and don't wash their hands afterward, so get out!"
Jonathan Frakes went to high school with my high school physics teacher (yeah, keeping it real east-coast style in Montrose), who related a story about him (Frakes) running around the track during gym class one day with his shorts around his ankles.
Or some such.
Also, the "calls" I "placed" to Mr. Frakes were actually made on an imaginary cellphone which consists of my thumb and pinkie held up to my face while riding my mountain bike FAST.
I deserve SOMETHING.
A fruit basket.
oh, 1988? I remember that.
If I watch TNG on TNN it feels just like 1988 all over again. Especially when I jump over to the news.
So, did the car turn you into an instant babe magnet? Did you get that "chicks turning their heads to check out the wheels" look as you cruised by? Or did they just walk away disappointed when it turned out you weren't Patrick Stewart.
Lermontov-the man what has no bones---what has no bones---come on now---come on ---
you russians need to learn english good----
...and yet you stil have the funniest post
*Sigh*-all I'm going to end up doing, here at comment number ninety-something, is repeat anything that's already said. So refer to any previous post that says something about how cool these stories about TNG cast are and you'll get what I want to say.
I need to find some creativity...
(walks off dejectedly...)
Lermontov, you will get nothing and you will like it.
Ok, you didnt even invite me.
I know Robert Skotak.
Does that count?
You're awesome wil to take time with the kids. There are tons of stepdads who don't.
Woah! Gotta see Clockstoppers!
Hmmm, why do I get the feeling that Spudnuts is back?
i wish i could drive... damn those frequent black-outs...
hey, now i got a new reason to see clockstoppers, frakes is an awesome director.
wesley crusher- borg queen...
that boy will do anything to get laid...
just kidding wil, I love ya :P
I actually got a call back for Clockstoppers, and auditioned for Jonathan. You're right. He's the coolest, nicest guy I've ever auditioned for...and really tall. The only way he could have been cooler and nicer would be if I'd have gotten the part...but that's okay. They ended up going with another ethnicity for the part anyway, I heard.
On my recent vacation to Southern California, I took my wife and kid to Disneyland (duh).
While perusing fine plastic-ware manufactured by slave labor in the Hunan province of the PRC on display at a concession booth near Small World just a scant few yards from the gaping hellmouth of Toontown, Winnie the Pooh comes screaming (well, screaming in that he is traveling as fast as one can wordlessly race in a foam-augmented bear costume) from Fantasyland.
He is pursued by a pack of julep-addled Chinese schoolgirls.
This story is true.
Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Except Winnie the Pooh's name.
Which is a licensed trademark of the Disney Corporation, all rights reserved.
I am standing there with some sort of glowing Tinkerbell pencil/flashlight/water-pik type apparatus when these HOWLING girls tackle Pooh at my feet.
I am not making this up.
Half of my mouth is frowning because this looks serious.
And half of my mouth is smiling because IT'S DISNEYLAND and for all I know this is merely a live action promo for the new "Tigger's Tiananmen Troubles" direct-to-video talkie which is currently receiving final polish in a South Korean sweatshop.
My mouth does not know if it wants to be happy or sad.
It just does BOTH.
Pooh is down.
Pooh is clearly injured and in pain.
Pooh is writhing at my feet.
Our eyes lock, his gaze a silent plea of "please, please, for the love of God, DO me. Please!" like that infested colonist in Aliens.
But I can't do Pooh.
I just can't.
Not in front of my kid.
Plus, they don't allow firearms in Disneyland... not that I have ever used one anyway.
And sadly, I don't think one can euthanize a cartoon bear with JUST a Tinkerbell pencil or Aristocats refrigerator magnet.
Not with a SINGLE blow anyway.
Just one quick twist...
That was beyond even my impressive skills.
But still I stand transfixed.
The Chinese schoolgirls, however, sense their prey is weakening and close in... looking to sink their slavering canines into the soft, fleshy folds of Pooh's throat, when...
The concession lady suddenly, heroically steps into the melee, swinging a massive Goofy-branded rainbow-pop, to ward off the girls.
They momentarily recoil and hiss in dismay.
Pooh rises to his feet, the majestic beast straining against the overwhelming impulse to just lie down and sleep, s-l-e-e-p...
He lurches toward his hidden safety hatch. The girls jump on him, hit him on the head. Repeatedly.
With a final, desperate lunge, Pooh hurls his orange girth into the hatch and rolls out of sight as the door closes behind him.
Pooh has ended his tour and made it out of the shit... and Charlie, momentarily dazed at the sudden loss of its quarry, turns and races hooting and screaming toward Toontown.
It didn't occur to me then.
But it occurs to me now.
That Pooh could have been Television's Wil Wheaton.
And I didn't do a damned thing to help him.
I'm going to take that shame and guilt to my grave.
You had my co-workers rolling with laughter at that one.
Veramar, you get that feeling because...
Oh, and MsKittyFantastico, I like the Sluggy ref. You rule.
How how starting a photo gallery of your possie, we could all send photos in. I have mental pictures of what I think people look like but it would be nice to see what people do look like.
What you think, or is it a complete lame brain idea.
22nd Feb 2002
Comrade Lermentov, I wish to have your children.
Even though you don't have bones.
That was a true story.
Happened last Thursday, the 14th.
Sadly, I left my video camera in the car.
When Television's Wil Wheaton and I iron out the details of our new motorcoach venture, we'll be sure to add a live action dramatic reenactment of the Pooh incident into the tour.
Lermentov's Admirer said:
>> Comrade Lermentov, I wish to have your children.
I'll have sex, but I'm good with just the one kid.
Please contact my people to arrange a session.
Did you know we have a picture thread at the soapbox?
BONJOURRRRRRRRR - Groundskeeper Willie
Sex sounds good.
Your people will recieve notification of available days for the copulation to occur.
Oh, and I just listened to the Spudnuts mp3s.
I'm still writhing in mental ecstacy.
What the fuck was that accent in Wrath of Spudnuts, anyway? That's almost more demented than Ricardo himself.
You should read http://www.wigu.com and http://www.whenigrowup.com . Seriously. They pulled a similar joke as that dish of revenge gag. Only different.
tee hee, Bakula's Package.
1. I will agree that he is way cool(tm) if I find out he runs his own website, and not just a little input to a fansite.
2.If you don't know Brent Spiner is hilarious, you aren't a true ST:TNG fan. His stint on Night Court:genius. His comedy as Data:Even so.
"I just LOVE scanning for life forms!(sing along)
Data?Lore are just brimming with subtle humor...
3. I absolutely REFUSE to shamelessly plug my website/products in this forum. At least until I have a hat of my own to peddle.
Oh, and it's yellow for jealousy.
Okay my next question is how can I post a photo of me, cos each time I try I fail misserably because I'm crap like that.
I thought of one more:
4. I refuse to read any post in this forum that is over a paragraph long unless it's REALLY interesting/relevant/funny, or any post that rambles on using one word per line and/or wastes space with little dots
addition to 3. I refuse to visit shamelessly plugged websites posted in this forum. If there is a link provided on this site, then I will trust Wil that it is worth visiting.
There, I feel better. Far cheaper than conventional therapy.
Good for you, Silvain.
Don't let me keep you from missing tasty webcomics and amusing sound files.
ok, done with that
You know what's really scary? I already knew about this. It was in one of those scary trek magazines that my best friend would borrow from the Star Trek magazine library at the Trek Club we both went to. I thought it was so freakin' funny at the time, I never thought badly of Wil for it. Then again I wanted to do all manner of inappropriate things to Wil and I was only young myself, so what the hell did I know. I hung around a lot of older folks as a kid (since I never got along well with children because I was socially stunted) and I think I've made the same goof a thousand times.
Sylvian's boycott of links helps save bandwidth for the rest of us... I think.
Meh, I was just trying to shed some light on the post... ^_^;;
Well, hey, if you say "this is funny/interestin" and is not a shameless website plug, I might visit it. If I find out it's just to get more hits at your own site, I will go to great efforts to rip it apart on my own site. No, you can't have the URL. That would be hypocritical. While I'm still here though:
5. I refuse to use expletives when other descriptive words will do. I will not use swear words just for the sake of swearing.
6. I will not attempt to post a picture of myself on someone else's website unless they specifically ask for such a thing, or if it's the theme of the site, such as HorN.
Wil, you can blame Fark for my pessimistic barbs,
for it was you who turned me on to that site.
Now, I just can't seem to break the habit of being argumentative in any given forum.
..then I read Courtney's posts about the picture gallery at Soapbox and the scathing retort regarding bandwidth....now I feel silly.
I really should proofread my posts AND finish reading the other posts before making comments...
Courtney delivers a body blow! No sarcasm intended...
Awww, Sylvain, we still love you. :)
In my own defense, those links aren't mine, merely online comics from a pal who is most amusing.
I don't even know why I'm saying anything.
I've lost count of how many times I've listened to the Wrath of Spudnuts.
French rap is amusing.
jonathan frakes went to high school with my father's girlfriend. apparently he was quite the heartthrob (and also a very good student),and he was "out of her league." He was so hot in high school that my father's girlfriend remembers him today, despite not caring an ounce about star trek.
OMG - I just listened to the Wrath of Spudnuts! I almost fell off my chair at work I was laughing so hard. Good thing the boss is gone.....
The "Wrath of Spudnuts" is o-kay.
It's not one of my favorite posts.
It was an idea I fleshed out say... about 35%. Kind of half-assed.
ALL of my posts are half-assed, but some are half-assed half-assed and some are full-assed half-assed.
Not that I have any issues with the way Rob worked it up. He squeezed as much juice as could be had from it.
The problem was in the source material.
Rob's take on all three posts were dead-on.
All in good humor, Sylvain. :)
You feel silly? I can feel?
don't forget to watch the UFP four man bobsled team at the Olympics TONIGHT!
Ooh, I'm so excited!
God, I'm such a dork.
Help! I can't get the spudnuts mp3's to work!!! What am I doing wrong?
Did someone mention something about holding Jonathan Frakes? I'd like to hold Jonathan Frakes! >:) But I'm only 4'8" and with Jonathan being SOOOOO TALL I might only come up to his, ummm...never mind...forget I mentioned it...
Did I ever mention that my computer is in the "Trek Room"? I'm surrounded by Trek stuff. If I had my vid cam on, you'd laugh cuz it looks like an "alien" sword is hanging over my head, but it's really hanging on the Klingon side of the room...(yes, we have the room divided by Klingon and Feddies)
As nearly everyone else has said, that was a great post Wil. It was nice getting some insight. I always thought JF would be a cool kind of guy.
Wil? Are you wearing your glasses????? :)
Great game! You beat the Russians! We'll see you on Sunday.
The UFP thing was real?
My mom laughed at me and called me gullible!
That'll show her.
Lermontov, why is your website http://a/? Is is because you have no bones? Or was it the evil capitalists again?
What in the name of Bea Arthur is THIS?? I can scarcely believe my eyes! In all these months I NEVER noticed you could leave comments about Wil's blog!! I can't believe I have been missing out this whole time. I heard Wil mention all the "comments" and printing out "comments" but I thought he was talking about emails. Oh my gawd, where are my vapors?!?!
Anyway, hello people of the weird, new world!
I suppose you'll see me in here from now on.
Lermentov, he makes no bones about it!
And, did you never hear of the infamous "Semi-bone of Monte Cristo"?
Next week, on Mp3
Spudnuts, I listened...
I just clocked on the Clockstoppers link to imdb, and at the bottom of that page it says "If you like this title, we also recommend.... Simon & Simon: In Trouble Again".
I have my doubts on the Pooh story. Now if you had said Pooh was being massacred by a troop of flying, wire fu Chinese schoolgirls, but was saved by Sonny Chiba (dressed as Snow White) and Ratnose (dressed as
Grumpy) then, OK. I'd believe that.
Great story Wil. I'm just a little younger then you, I'm 26 and I remember 'License to Drive' back in 1988. Damn that was a tight film. I was 12, 13 years old and that movie and the Coreys were one the coolest and most popular things of the mid and late '80s. And skateboarding ofcourse. :)
Ahh the memories....
I actually worked on Clockstoppers. Yeah, ok, I worked background, but still. I was working the rave scene, right? And I'm sitting on the edge of the stage, minding my own bidness, when Jonathan Frakes comes and sits down next to me.
Commander Riker touched me! His thigh touched mine when he sat next to me. We chatted for a sec. ("Hi." "Hi." "Having fun?" "Yep") And then he was gone.
I'll tell you one thing, tho. I never thought I'd hear a grown man say PLUR and be dead serious about it. PLUR. What the fuck is that? PLUR. Peace Love Unity Respect. PLUR.
Commander Riker is down with the PLUR. Sounds like a bad away mission.
I'm gonna hafta tell my raver friends that.
The girl in the movie is in this months Maxim magazine. makes me feel like going to the movies...
Damn you Spuds my russian vhatever!
I'd damn you with both hands.. but I had a freak door accident at work.
Send Jim Beam.
It's my prefered medication for long bitter cold Ohio nights.
well almost always...
Also.. is my pic of you and Bun Bun not nifty?
howdy! i like your cafePRESS store. i am an aRtist in seattle. i love the web.
peace, shannon kringen
my aRt shrine
I'd like to take this moment to DENY.
Flat out deny.
That there was ever a Corey Haim picture in my grade school lockers.
It didn't happen.
Damn right implausible.
And at this point I'll go ahead and deny that anyone else including the owner of this site ever made it into the locker either.
Oh and there was never a full glossy poster of Seaquest (or you know who) on my closet door when I was 14.
Nope. Notta. Didn't happen... had to be swamp gas and Venus' shadow.
I'd try and deny the Hugh the Borg Fiasco at my first convention...
well it's my friend the NBC Weatherman's favorite story to tell.
Damn him to hell in a wicker handbasket that tornado obsessed fiend.
jim, jack, and jagger- a girl bassist's best friends
Oh and one more thing...
All you people with big large bandwith MUST check out this link: http://www.dcn.com/contest/band_page.jsp?artist_id=14322#
Artist is Soulcracker.
Live show to see is the Casbah show of 10.21.01
Them at their best.
Trust the Kitty. The Kitty is good. The Kitty is wise.
but I'm right about this one.
Is The Kitty The Spud's alter ego?
I think so.
What about you?
I do, however, know I approve of the Bun Bun pic.
Mmmm, homicidal lop.
Ooo, Patrick Stewart!
Hahaa.. I'm honored.
No I'm not Spuds.
I'm all women.
Trying to be all bassist...
But not Soulcracker's bassist.
Or at least I don't want to be AP.
Could replace him though..
well monkeys could replace him..
So I have a chance.
don't know why I love that band soo much...
watch out with that show.. the mikes go to loud about 3 songs into the set and the music is too soft leaving really wretched vocals by Suttie and the Beast.
At least we can't hear Bob the drummer off key.
That's almost as bad as a Flickerstick concert.
mhahaa... typing away the pain... well that and the burbon.
welcoming home the astroturf
Man i was all about the funny until I read that Chuck Jones died.
what a huge inspiration to me as a kid, and now as an adult.
Alittle more of the brillance of the Universe has left the building known as earth and went back to the grand cosmos.
I'm prolly late to this party... but damn I'm bummed.
okay last post of the night.. I promise.
Just so long as you're not every woman like Whitney Houston.
That'd be scary.
For one, I've never been stopped for pot possession in Hawaii.
I'd hate to be in her body.
I'm never going to be able to hear that damn song again without thinking nasty things.
Stumbled upon your link on another site a couple of weeks ago, and have been randomly popping in now and again to have a look see, I must say that it's a great read! You are certainly not what I expected you to be. Very funny, witty, and a hell of a writer. You express yourself really well! Have you done much writing for other things? Well as for the whole cool thing.......I think we can safely say that you're pretty cool yourself! Keep bloggin!
Oh man.... Chuck Jones has passed away... big hug to you MissKitty!
As I sit here surrounded by my animation toys... my main man was always Marvin the Martian....*snif*
Mr. Jones' work is eternal....
Gonna go get my Golden Age of Looney Tunes out to watch.... adios!
I've always liked Riker the best out of all the Star Trek characters, and kinda kept up with what Jonathan Frakes was doing outside of that character. I thought it was cool when he went into directing. I plan on seeing his new movie, too. Thanks for sharing a cool story about the guy!
I think he even has his own website. Maybe you can plug it here?
With facial hair or without?
I say without
No.. I'm too much like Gwen Stefani dammit.
Just a girl...
If that Frakes fellow gives you any shit, remind him that you're the only member of the TNG cast that actually looks better now than when they did the show. Assuming that none of the other cast members have had plastic surgery or something.
Chuck Jones. Crap. My earliest memory of color TV is the prime time Bugs Bunny Show. Back when color TV was something strange and wonderful. Fare thee well, Wile E. . He deserves at least a 10 minute tribute at the Oscars this year.
With or without liposuction?
Haven't heard from Television's Wil Wheaton on whether I'll be co-authoring "The Wil Wheaton Story," nor have Wil's people contacted me regarding our motorcoach venture between Glendale and Richland.
That means I am free to go to Best Buy today to buy a game for my kid and then some doughnuts.
For the both of us.
And if you're wondering...
Tonight I am going to fix my shed all up (bought a utility light AND a space heater) so's I can begin work on...
"Spudnuts: A Life Lived in ASCII."
Available at fine bookstores everywhere in the Spring of 2032.
"Spudnuts: One Man's Journey From Obscurity to Slightly Less Obscurity."
"Spudnuts: The Man Behind the Magic."
"Spudnuts: One Man's Struggle With Addiction to Sweet, Sweet Pornography."
Spudnuts: A Legend In His Own Mind
Who Moved the Spudnuts?
Don't Sweat the Spudnuts?
Just helpin ya out.....
I'll wait and see if Oprah gives me her permission to read Spudnuts.
Just watch, I'm gonna get screwed on the book-on-tape deal when they hire Jim Dale instead.
You're gonna get replaced by DICK Dale, original King of the Surf Guitar.
Reminds me of a recent story I heard.
A well known songwriter/singer was noticed by a group of young girls.
After a while one of them plucked up enough courage to go up to him and said.
'Excuse me, didn't you used to be David Bowie'
Just thought you should know, down here in New Zealand - not THAT far behind you. Getting 'Enterprise' next week, and repeats of 'The Next Generation' and 'Original Show' on the same night after the premiere. Can't wait to see a young Wesley Crusher again. Yes, I will admit to a slight case of young teenage lust, I was 11 (I think), when it started and 18 when it finished. Ah, the Coreys!! I remember those years well.
Notice he didn't say
* As good an actor as Jonathan,
* As funny as Patrick,
* And as cool as Brent.
There's a reason for that.
Good posts about Frakes. I always thought he seems like a really cool guy, even before the beard. But I can't let this other part of the message slide...
"Imagine if you can that it's the summer of 1988. Not too hard, what with the terrible economy, deficit spending and incompetent president."
Dude, NOTHING in your post was about politics. So what's up with this crap? If Reagan was incompetent, then Clinton was useless, inept, doubly INCOMPETENT, ineffectual, and very dangerous. A great politician, a HORRIBLE leader.
Terrible economy? The "decade of greed"? You owe part of your success to the "decade of greed", so get over it. Let's remember that people wanted to find a way to get Reagan to run for a third term, and Bush 41 get elected solely on Reagan's economy, so things couldn't have been THAT bad...
You've grown up a lot Wil, but to just throw out a line like that in an otherwise non-political post, you've got some left to go. :)
And Mike, your movie "UHF" will be on DVD in June. Cool!
Tiana is right, it's cool having 2 episodes each sunday of TNG. However, I'm a guy and only had teen spirit for Tasha Yar.
I wish I was lucky enough just to have a story written about me getting a blowjob in the Turbolift by Tasha Yar.
Actually, you were a pretty cool actor. Hope you get some good movie roles soon, you deserve respect for being cool, funny and good as an actor.
Try the ™ sign to make trademark symbols. It's the &+trade+; (remove the + signs).
How do you know it, Lermontov? Unless you know that you are indeed dirty pervert.
I tried to get a table, but the surly Mandarin maitre d'hotel just pointed to a sign written in Chinese characters.
I don't read (much) Chinese, but I'm fairly certain the sign read: "We Chinese HOLLYWOOD (my emphasis)
restauranteurs reserve the right to refuse service to disgusting, boneless reprobate pervert-fucks who finger
themselves in back alleys and don't wash their hands afterward, so get out!"
The best bitches on the web
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