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« Photoshop madness! | Main | Lost: 1 Funny. Please Return if Found »

April 22, 2002

Batman to the Rescue

I am officially a total geek right now.

I am listening to the Batman soundtrack (the Danny Elfman score, not that Prince monstrosity) on my PC speakers while I type this.

I think it's appropriate, because I'm writing this morning about those really awesome days of youth, when nobody understands you, your parents are completely unreasonable, and you can't wait to grow up.

During those days in my life, the Batman score competed with Black Celebration and Only a Lad for air time in my car. It was part of the soundtrack of my life.

Last night, I was watching the History Channel, and this commercial for some 80s super box set comes on. It's pretty standard for an 80s collection: there's Foreigner and Journey, as well as some Crowded House and Howard Jones (yeah, I thought that was a weird mix, too.)

While I'm watching this commercial, I start to feel this completely overwhelming sadness. This type of massive sadness that starts so deeply within me, I can't even define its origin in a physical location. It was sadness coming out of my soul. I get this feeling that I can only describe as "hyper-nostalgia."

So I'm sitting there in bed, my cat snuggled up to me on one side, my wife sound asleep on the other side, and I start to silently weep, as this David Fincheresque montage of childhood images and feelings races through my mind. I can feel my fear and nervousness the first morning I went to public high school in 9th grade. I can feel the excitement of standing in line to see Batman, in Westwood, at 9AM a few weeks before it opened. I see faces of friends long forgotten, and places which were teenage hangouts that don't even exist anymore. I feel pain, love, hope...but mostly, I feel sadness and regret that is completely overwhelming.

It's like I'm sitting in my bed, mourning the passing of my youth.

It's not that my life is totally miserable now, it's just so much more complicated than it was when I was a child, and I haven't really stopped to think about that in quite some time.

I mean, I would gladly trade wondering whatever bullshit my wife's ex-husband is going to pull today for not being able to stay out past 12 with my friends.

I would gleefully trade worrying about making mortgage payments for...well, for anything, really! :)

Every time I go to Paramount, I look around and I think to myself, "man, I had it so good here. Too bad I was too young and arrogant to realize that." But that could be a series of entries, all on it's own.

When I go up to my parent's house, and go to my old bedroom, I can see in my mind the phantoms of my teenage years: Watchmen comics bagged and hung on the walls. Depeche Mode concert posters above my bed, where my cat Ziggy would be sleeping. Stacks of GURPS source books on the floor, and, of course, my Mac II, complete with smokin' fast 2400 baud modem.

I miss all of these things, and writing about them now I can really feel a sense of loss, and longing. I just closed my eyes, and I could see things in my old bedroom that I haven't thought about in years: 82 Los Angeles Kings season ticket stubs from 1988-89, taped to the wall next to my computer, underneath this simply dreadful fantasy-art poster I bought at a game con that same year. A clump of silly string mashed into the cottage cheese stuff on the ceiling, above my bed. Five book shelves, filled with VHS copies of the entire collection of 79 episodes of Star Trek.

I recently visited one of my best friends from high school, who moved into his mom and dad's house when they moved out. It's the same house we hung out in when we were young, but now his kids are running around in it...and I can still see the path we wore through the ivy, going up the hill to my house. The house is the same, but it's so very, very different now.

My best friend Darin is getting married in just a few weeks. Darin and I have known each other since I was 14 and he was 16. We have done just about everything together, and crossed lots of major bridges together on our way to adulthood. I've been married with kids for 2 years, but never felt like it was that big a deal...it's HIM getting married that makes me feel like we're finally adults, with mortgages and responsibilities. When he is married, we will have crossed another major rubicon together.

So when I saw this commercial last night, it hit me: I'm turning 30 in 3 months.

Three months, man.

I am the primary father figure to two kids, one of whom will be a teenager two days after I turn 30.

A teenager, man.

I am going to be the parent to a teenager, and I'm going to be 30. I don't know why that's fucking with me as much as it is, but it sure is burning a lot of cycles in my brain.

Thing is, I know that I'll be 40 someday, and I'll look back and think, "Man, I thought things were so messed up at 30...and I was so wrong," as I watch Ryan graduate from college, or get married, or whatever.

But right now, I miss those wonderful days in the late 80s and early 90s, when I couldn't wait for the weekend, so I could hang out at Darin's house and play GURPS and Illuminatti, before heading out to the movies to catch whatever crappy Lethal Weapon movie was in theatres.

I totally understand that saying about youth being wasted on the young. I guess that's the beauty of childhood: we don't know how tough life is going to get when we grow up, so we cavalierly waste time, blissfully ignorant of how valuable our youth is going to be to us, late one night when we can't sleep, because we're thinking about paying bills.

Posted by wil at April 22, 2002 10:43 AM
Comments

I think Pink Floyd said it best:
Ticking away the moments that make up the dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way

Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town

Waiting for someone or something to show you the way


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain

You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today

And then one day you find that ten years have got behind you

No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And you run and run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking

And racing around to come up behind you again

The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older

Shorter of breath and one day closer to death


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time

Plans that either come to naught or a half page of scribbled lines

Hanging on in a quiet desperation is the English way

The time is gone the song is over, thought i'd something more to say

Posted by: Lucas Young at April 22, 2002 07:55 AM

Thanks for depressing me!

Buy a Jeep, you'll feel better.

Posted by: brandon at April 22, 2002 10:52 AM

I'm turning 30 in 8 months. I know exactly how you're feeling. Married, 2 kids, my best friend just got married a few months ago. I missed my 10 year high school reunion last year, and man do I regret that.
Keep up the good work Wil.

Posted by: Jon at April 22, 2002 10:52 AM

I miss my childhood, too. I remember when I couldn't wait to be an adult, and now I wish I had just taken the time to enjoy being a kid. I turned 30 last month, and I didn't have a problem with it, until the other day. I was training for a new job, and this pipsqueak 20 yr. old said that he wanted to train with me beacause I'm OLD! I never thought I looked old, but now I keep looking in the mirror to see if I really do. My husband thinks that's funny. Damn younguns!

Posted by: Robin at April 22, 2002 10:54 AM

You just quoted the way I felt last night, word for word. And I'm only 23. But having a mortgage to pay and not being able to find employment in this screwed up economy... well, it gets to you. My only regret is that I wish I were an actor. That way, when I act really strange and melodramatic and "out of tune" with mainstream society, people could nod their heads knowingly and say, "Pshht, actors."

Actually, I don't believe I've ever heard anyone say "pshht" before.

GSL

Posted by: Gregly at April 22, 2002 10:55 AM

I believe the comment is:
Youth is wasted on the young......

Posted by: bellwether at April 22, 2002 10:55 AM

Hey Wil,

Here's my take on 30: approaching 30 is far far worse than being 30. Have the party, whoop it up. But when you actually become 30, it's a relief. The excitement of approaching your 30s outweighs lamenting your 20s because you finally realize, 30 is still goddamn young.

So don't sweat it. Remind me of this as I approach 40.

Posted by: billder at April 22, 2002 10:56 AM

GURPS?

Posted by: Angel at April 22, 2002 10:56 AM

I'm 33 and my childhood ain't over! The new Star Wars toys go on sale tonight and I can't wait! You going?

Posted by: Ray at April 22, 2002 10:57 AM

Don't be sad. This is normal. Usually between the ages of 30 and 35 or so, people suddenly have this self-evaluation hit them. You look back at your life, and have to think: gosh, that part is over. Why didn't I appreciate it more? Why did I have to make those mistakes? What do I do now?

This is a bittersweet experience, but an important one, similar to the Alcoholics Anonymous "searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." It's difficult, and it's hard, but you know, at the end of the day, whether you're 30 or 40 or 50, you are still yourself albeit with a bit more experience.

Cherish this time, and these memories, and this chance to embrace the past as well as the future.

And .. yeah, that kinda stuff. :-)

Posted by: MrsVeteran at April 22, 2002 10:57 AM

I know what you're saying. I have a 10 month old son and I turn 30 on April 29th. I've been married for almost 7 years! (in June) I'm feeling my age but I'm loving being a parent and wife.

Posted by: Ness at April 22, 2002 10:57 AM

(My previous post was brought to you by my Mom. Just so you know.)

Posted by: MrsVeteran at April 22, 2002 10:58 AM

*Sighs* You made ME feel nostalgic.

I've only just turned 17!!! *Gets worried*

But yeah, that was really sad man!! But you've still got loads of life ahead of you, and you can relive your teenage years through the kids :0)

Posted by: EofS at April 22, 2002 10:59 AM

Wow, turning 23 on Friday doesn't seem so bad now . . . thanks man!

Posted by: Amanda at April 22, 2002 11:00 AM

*Realises something*

Gosh darnit, if you're nearly 30 then I'm gonna have to forget my childhood/teen crush and fantasies!!!

Grrrr ;0)

Posted by: EofS at April 22, 2002 11:01 AM

1 year, 274 days, 9 hours and some minutes before 30, I begin to realize that life is all too swift in it's movements, all too damn fast. Too many memories flood my thoughts, as I sit at my desk, wondering what bill will be in the mailbox today, as I crawl in rush hour traffic toward home.

Wil is right. I miss those days of jumping over the local golf course's fences and heading down to the creek that ran down it's middle. To find friends, adventure and just waste some time way, playing, fooling around and not even realize your just a little closer to the end of the ride.

But, I look forward to the first cry of my first child. The first ball to be thrown by him or her, before little league tryouts. The first school dance for them.

Life is moments. Whether lived, or remembered, it all becomes a part of the whole of our lives.

Here's to life, and the hope that tomorrow will come...

Philosophizing in Philly,

Leo

Posted by: Leo Romero at April 22, 2002 11:06 AM

For those who don't know find out about GURPS here: http://www.sjgames.com/gurps/

You know I would say take heart, but I think inside all of this is a sweet joy welling up that you will only realize once you have passed the milestone and moved onward. It's like the first time you did anything - an Ollie, first century bike ride, first 10K run - the anticipation brings up more than you can possibly explain. The realization leaves you wondering what you were so worried about. That we all go through it is no salve for what you are feeling right now and that you will ultimately rejoice in moving forward is probably of no help either. Youth is not wasted on the young it is lavished on us in the only time when we can truly marvel and form into who we will be.

Peace be with you.

Posted by: Leopold VM at April 22, 2002 11:08 AM

once again Uncle Willy voices a nerve hitting mood. i'm but a wee lad of 25 and have been going through that same 'life evaluation'. thankfully i don't have the kids or the mortgage, but to look back and pinpoint the lost opportunities, friends i've lost touch with and people i've truely underappreciated...is a long list.
and yes, i know what GURPS is. i was in the wargaming rather than RPG crowd though.

Posted by: ryan at April 22, 2002 11:09 AM

one more year, turning away
meaning nothing; but night into day
lost and faded, never to be seen
i'll meet you again in my next drunken dream

colder, gets colder: and i realise i'm older
touch my heart like you never did before
seems wrong - im still living, that i should be
so unwilling
and i know i should be giving you more

who would've thought? i'll admit, i did hope
my unnatural breathing, our failure to cope
i've seen strangers before me - who stumble and fall
there goes another year
makes no difference at all

Posted by: vicky at April 22, 2002 11:10 AM

Wil,

You're bringing me down. Down like a sledge hammer.

And you didn't cross EVERY bridge with Darin! I mean, all I saw was you, Feldman, River, and the fat kid on that bridge! No Darin! What's the story there?!

Posted by: Buntz at April 22, 2002 11:10 AM

Wil,
Don't worry about it...turning 30 isn't anything. Yeah, you have the mortgage and other bills, but the really GOOD part is your lovely wife and those great kids! :o )
I'm also a very nostalgic and sentimental person. I tend to want things that were in my childhood to never change, and when I go back to see if they have, then I'm disappointed when I see that they really did change. But, that's life and just how things go. All you can do is cherish what you have, what you DID have in the past and hope great things for the future.
Enjoying the website..keep up the great work!

Take care,


Posted by: Mark at April 22, 2002 11:12 AM

I know just how you feel Will. I'm going to be 40 in 3 months, and I have many of the same feelings. What is it about these milestone birthdays that make us all weepy and sentimental!

Posted by: Sharon at April 22, 2002 11:18 AM

Hey Wil....

Ive had several urges to write in the past but nothing moved my hand as much as this. I turned 30 March 1st and in the time up to that, and since, Ive often found myself thinking the same thoughts. At any rate, you're not alone, dig?

On a less somber note, and since Im posting anyway, Your "Im a cowboy, howdy , howdy, howdy." headline cracked me up a few months ago. Great Far Side ref. Sorry to go off topic.....

little

Posted by: littleman at April 22, 2002 11:23 AM

Yeah, I used to have this childhood, then this woman came and put me in a ginger bread cake cage where I hunted deer and tried not to contract syphillis. God bless wee willy wheaton and all that sail in/on/in him/her.
peace will.

Posted by: Santos Ranwar at April 22, 2002 11:24 AM

Call me the Queen of Nostalgia. You just can't avoid it when you've live the last 19 years of your life in the same medium-sized town. From 8 to 27 I've lived in the same place. Learned to drive here, fell in love (and had my heart broken) for the first time here, buried my first pet here, lost my virginity here, experienced all the violent peaks and valleys of adolecence here.

But one thing I've learned is that the more you look back the greater your chance for taking a wrong turn on the road ahead.

I, for one, am looking forward to my 30's. Damn, Wil, think about it. All of the awkward insecurities of your teens and tumultuous instabilities of your twenties are behind you! You are more stable, more settled, more comfortable than circumstances of life have allowed before.

I have loved my twenties. In retrospect, I also loved my teens. But just because what lies ahead is different than what came before, it shouldn't make you sad. Rather, be grateful that you've made it this far on the path to see another phase of life.

Live what you are, not what you were. Life is one great trip.

Posted by: Interplanet Janet at April 22, 2002 11:25 AM

Yeah but on the plus side you look like you're about 23.

And you don't have to worry about your parents catching you mastrubating.

Posted by: J at April 22, 2002 11:26 AM

I hear ya Wil. I'm not THAT old, only 27, but my 1 year High School Reunion is in a few months.

Makes me think of HIgh School. 10 years ago, and what life was like.

But, I would never go back. I wouldn't trade all the personal growth and insight for freedom from responsibility.

But, how about just a week of it? ;)

Posted by: RevXaos at April 22, 2002 11:27 AM

Hi Will,

That's so funny. My friend and I were just chatting about this very topic this morning. I'm 25 and lately the fact that I will be turning 30 in 4 1/2 years has been on my mind.

Last month one of my close friends celebrated her 26th birthday and I told her, "Wow, four more years and you'll be 30." She glared at me and said, "I hadn't even thought of that, gee thanks." Immediately, I felt really bad that those words had slipped out of my mouth.

I also reminsince about my childhood frequenctly. My life now is pretty good even though like many my age, I'm boggled down with student loans, rent, bills, etc. But, I think about where I envisioned myself to be at this age when I was 10, 13, and 18 and I feel a little disappointed. However, when we are that young, I think that we are naively optimistic. Like you said, at that age we don't know the realities of life as an adult.

Anywhoo - I appreciated this post. It's always nice and comforting to know that others feel the same way. I also, have been seeing those I know getting married, having kids, etc and it's both happy and disturbing at the same time. Maybe this sounds silly coming from someone that's 25 and not as close to pushing 30, but it's how I feel. Thanks...

-V

Posted by: Vera at April 22, 2002 11:34 AM

You sound like Richard Dryfues grieving over the loss of his youth with a typewriter:) Sorry, I couldn't help but notice the similarity. Everybody gets hit with a flood of nostalgia at sometime(s) in their life, it can be depressing and joyful. I try hard to just appreciate the fact that I got to live my childhood once, some kids get robbed of their youth entirely, that's truly sad.

I'll be hitting 30 in September; I don't know about you, but I plan on leaving my 20's with a bang!

Posted by: Andrew at April 22, 2002 11:34 AM

Wow, I had a similiar experience yesterday, except (geekily enough) from a set of dice I found. It was the same set of dice we used to play our pen and paper games with when I was just 14 and there they were again still being used by other people for D'N'D. Realizing that you've now known someone (the owner of the dice) for more than half your life is kind of a scary thing. I think (as others have already mentioned) that those of us around 30 all have these kinds of feelings. I think it's ok to feel nostalgic, just don't get lost in it.

Posted by: Gaea at April 22, 2002 11:36 AM

Hi! I just wanted to say that I am probably the only person having more fun at 32, than I ever did as a teenager. I was a model when I was 15-18, so a lot of the fun "geeky" stuff that I really should have been enjoying was missed out on. My hubby and I STILL play RPG's (not GURPS, but White Wolf), we have Classic 80's Arcade Games in our gameroom, a slushie machine, and have marathon weekends of online gaming. The best part is being able to afford the toys you couldn't have as a kid. So enjoy the nostalgia, but remember, 30 is not bad, if you still remember how to be a kid! :)

Posted by: Debi at April 22, 2002 11:36 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I went back to school and am finishin up college at 26 and sheesh, these kids are all so young...

My solution is to latch on to the things I love and don't look back. I still play GURPS, and D&D, and read sci-fi and pine over geek girls who see me as a friend. It's like a dual life -- I'm the 'adult type', but I'm also the kid, I guess...that's what you have to do. Remember that you can have fun, even when life tries to convince you you can't.

And from what you've said, Wil, you do that all the time.

If you want, you can sit at my table anytime...real or online.

--Matt

Posted by: Matrygg at April 22, 2002 11:36 AM

30 is the age at which you start realizing that you will have to grow up sometime. 40 is the age at which you realize that you will eventually have to decide what you want to be when you grow up.

50, now -- it kind of hits you that you really are an adult - no way out of it! You're also (ugh!) middle-aged. But the good thing is that you're who you're going to be and are comfortable with it. Life gets easier as you get older.

Look forward to the days that come while you cherish the days past. They are a part of you and make you what you are.

Posted by: treschic at April 22, 2002 11:37 AM

30 is the age at which you start realizing that you will have to grow up sometime. 40 is the age at which you realize that you will eventually have to decide what you want to be when you grow up.

50, now -- it kind of hits you that you really are an adult - no way out of it! You're also (ugh!) middle-aged. But the good thing is that you're who you're going to be and are comfortable with it. Life gets easier as you get older.

Look forward to the days that come while you cherish the days past. They are a part of you and make you what you are.

Posted by: treschic at April 22, 2002 11:37 AM

30 is the age at which you start realizing that you will have to grow up sometime. 40 is the age at which you realize that you will eventually have to decide what you want to be when you grow up.

50, now -- it kind of hits you that you really are an adult - no way out of it! You're also (ugh!) middle-aged. But the good thing is that you're who you're going to be and are comfortable with it. Life gets easier as you get older.

Look forward to the days that come while you cherish the days past. They are a part of you and make you what you are.

Posted by: treschic at April 22, 2002 11:37 AM

OMG, I will be 30 in 4 months, I have 3 kids, been married for what seems like forever and both of us, last night, finally, consciously have decided to grow up and stop worrying about what EVERYONE will think of us. We are going to live for us, and as an example of what we want our kids to turn out like.

We had this cool conversation with our son in the car the other day, we asked him who's job was more important, the doctor or the garbage man. We told him both, if we didn't have either we would be in a heap of it. We went on to tell him that the reason he needed to study is so he can *choose* to be anything he wanted, not have his job choose him. So if our son chooses to be a doctor, computer programmer or icecream taster, or even a garbage man, we hope he won't look back on his life when he is nearly 30, like us, and regret all the doors that we closed because of our haste to be what we thought our families needed us to be.

Posted by: qBall at April 22, 2002 11:38 AM

Wow Wil!

You're describing what many of us 20-somethings are feeling as well. I'm just a few years younger than you, but I'm hitting that mid-20s crisis syndrome. My friend, who just turned 30 in Feb., went through what you're feeling now. (Although the event that struck him was the fact that Matthew Broderick, aka Ferris Bueller, is 40 now.)

Heck, I dwell on the 80s and early 90s every now and then...but then you gotta think: there's a lot to look forward to, as well. And you'll always have friends and family to help you every step of the way :)

And if all else fails, watch 'the Simpsons' every weeknight (and on Sundays). Viewers still love to watch it 'cause these people never age??? (Geesh, Bart would be my age if he actually aged!)

Oh yeah, there's always Depeche Mode,too! 22 years in the business...and still at it! (And these guys went through hell in their 30s, but got through it--if they can do it, so can a bunch of us 20-somethings dreading the big three-o.

Posted by: smoon at April 22, 2002 11:39 AM

once again I'm impressed at the depth of your writing, and the ability to express what all of us, more or less, are feeling these days.

My best friend from middle and high school is getting divorced. Bloody divorced, man. Divorce is something that happens to older people, to adults, who can handle the pressure, who wimp out and take the easy way out.... or at least, that's what it used to be. Now it's a fact of life, and when I think of how close I have come to that too, it's scary. Mortgage, job, baby, BABY, me for crying out loud with a daughter who is just barely walking and throwing food on the ground when she eats.
gee whiz. thanks for the post, Wil.

Posted by: Buckthorn at April 22, 2002 11:42 AM

I found turning 31 to a bigger deal than turning 30. I suppose it just drove home that I was now firmly on my way to middle age. Strangely, the thought of turning 32 this year isn't a big deal at all.

Posted by: Chris at April 22, 2002 11:43 AM

Dude, I know exactly how you feel. I've been dealing with the same kind of thing. Well, except different. I'm turning 28 this year. Got my high school reunion notice. I have none of the things you have and that's depressed me. I'm not married, no kids, no house (I rent an apartment) - none of that. Getting older sucks. It really does. Things you talked about missing, I do too. Is it me, or do those things seem like a completely different lifetime?

Posted by: sarcastic cheese at April 22, 2002 11:44 AM

Dude, be thankful that you have friends from back then you can still count as friends and not as people you have grown away from. That makes times like this even more difficult. I'm 32, and I am very far from any of my family and friends, or the people I grew up around. I've been through the "quarter life crisis", as have many of my former acquaintances. This was also exacerbated by my divorce, which was bad. I dealt with it all by remembering who I was, by getting in touch with the crazy sonofabitch that used to run through the streets protesting war, greed, and pretty much the powers that be. I forgot who I was and became a shell of myself, all just to be a "productive member of society" so I could support my family. Now I exist not as a drone that exists to work, but as a vital human being that thrives in spite of society. That helped me, but I'm afraid that for someone who is happy with where their life has ended up you'll just have to face the fact that all things change and that we can let them change us, resist change to the point of stagnation, or find a way to positively affect the changes in our world. Easier said than done, but it is worth trying. Remember this: your youth was not wasted if you learned from every stupid mistake and every glorious victory. Reflect on it, but don't spend too much time there, because let's face it, we were all idiots when we were kids. I don't want to be 17 again. I appreciate the freedoms of being an adult, even with the responsibilities. One final thought: your body ages, but that doesn't mean your mind has to grow old. Besides, they're doing some great stuff with cloning and genetics, so if we're lucky we can be "young" forever. :)

Posted by: tskll at April 22, 2002 11:49 AM

I totally understand where you are coming from. I recently went to a friends house on the street I grew up and we got bored so we decided to take a walk. Worst mistake ever. We began walking and all of my childhood memories came rushing back to me and I felt so lost. The same street where I knew we would make ruts in the pavement walking to and from eachothers homes was now unfamiliar territory. The times when you planned how your life would be and now looking and realizing that you have not acheieved all that you had wanted to by this age. I can say that my age has taught me many things but I would give anything to be a kid again just for a day. Remember the movie "Big" The would be the ultimate wish. And just as he did Im sure that we would miss our lives the way the are now even though childhood was a blast.

Posted by: MystiqueFaerie at April 22, 2002 11:51 AM

Before I start, Happy birthday for Friday Amanda.

I have two quotes which I believe, should cheer any 30 (or near as dammit to 30)-somethings:


I quote from the excellent movie "Caddyshack"

Allthough you may grin, when your ship comes in and you've got the stock market beat, but remember;
That the man worthwhile is the man who can smile, when his shorts are too tight in the seat!


I quote my best friend Krissy:

We may grow older, but we BLATANTLY refuse to grow up!

I hope that cheers folk up.

Posted by: Foxychik at April 22, 2002 11:53 AM

*hugs* As painful as the nostalgia can be, it's nice to go back to the "carefree" days of childhood. Just use it as a lesson to appreciate everyday of your life. I think it's the things we see happening around us that make us feel old. I'm 22 and most of my high school friends are married with children now. I look at it and think how old I feel, but then I realize... I'm still young. And I still will be when I'm 80. Getting older is a requirement in life... grow up is not.

Posted by: Crystalia at April 22, 2002 11:53 AM

I just turned 30 in December. I'm married (one year in a couple of weeks, woohoo!) with a mortgage, three year-old son and another baby on the way. It seems only natural to start looking back. I don't think you really have the perspective to start thinking about the past until you're around this age.

The thing that I miss the most is my early-mid 20's when I was single and living in Manhattan. Everything seemed so full of possibilities. I think back on the choices I've made and wonder if things had been different if I had taken more risks. It's amazing how you make some choices that end up having a major affect on the course that your life is taking, but you don't realize it at the time.

At first, this can be very depressing, but then you start thinking about the things that you can change and take joy in, like the growth and education (I'm talking about life education, not just schooling) of your own kids. I think somebody else's post about being a doctor or a garbage man was great. It's the worst thing in the world to feel like your options are limited because of the views of your parents or others that have influence on you. I'm making a point not to be that way with my kids.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not the only one feeling this way. It's great to look back and miss those things. I think it's something you don't want to ever lose. It's also great to look at how you can use those experiences to change the lives of others, especially the ones on whom you have the most direct influence.

Rock on.

Posted by: ttrentham at April 22, 2002 11:56 AM

I just rounded the 30 corner a month and a half ago and this new local station e105 which plays a lot of "80's music" has certainly struck my nostalgia chord.

I go to bed around 10:30 or 11 every night now instead of the 4am times after playing some role playing and cheesing for a night.

I have a beautiful baby daughter who I wouldn't trade the world for; but me, a father?

I remember drinking beer -- and lots of it -- almost every Friday night while seeing some great live local music. I now feel drunk if I crack a cold one open once every couple of months.

I remember being 15 and watching this new series on TV called Star Trek: The Next Generation and feeling pretty good that there was someone my age represented on TV that gave intelligent teenagers a good name.

Well, that one didn't last long. The writers made it embarrassing for someone my age to suggest to an authority figure that any problem could be solved by soldering a VISOR to an android's positronic net and cross fading the output through the pattern buffers. Shit. That must have been when I aged.

30 isn't so bad. I have the best 'Net access I have EVER had in my life..

-J

Posted by: Jesse C. Slicer at April 22, 2002 11:59 AM

wil:

i've been hanging around your website for several months now. this is the first time i've been moved to find the courage to post a comment.

i'm approaching 30 myself this year and, like many of your readers have already expressed, it's an overwhelming feeling. i've found myself wistfully looking back on my younger days much more often lately. wondering where the time has flown and marveling at how far i've come in those tumultuous years.

i, too have been caught up in those emotional whirlwinds - where you're suddenly and inexplicably overcome by so many feelings, and you find yourself silently weeping and smiling at the same time. breathtaken by the strength of the memory and left wondering where that "you" has gone and what's become of that life....

then, i reflect on all that i have accomplished since then. who i've become, and the blessings i've been given. it's all part of the journey. i'm not happy about turning 30. but, i'm convincing myself that, like everything in life - you get out of it what you put into it. i think i'll make it a new beginning.

hope you'll find the same.

Posted by: bett at April 22, 2002 12:00 PM

So I hate to sound like I'm plugging something, but...
As I'm sure some of you know, there is a movie entitled "Free Enterprise." It is perhaps one of the most entertaining movies I've ever seen. More importantly, it is completely about geeks growing up, and hitting the big 30. Now admittedly it's a comedy, but I found it entertaining and comforting to see others going through the same nostlgia with their friends that I do with mine.

Anyway, I highly recomend it for a week night rental.

Jer

Posted by: JWL at April 22, 2002 12:01 PM

I'm turning 20 in August and I wish I could go back to highschool. :( Well I assume life gets better.

Posted by: DaleJrBlueEyes at April 22, 2002 12:02 PM

That has got to suck. Nostalgia seems to have biten alot of people recently. Myself included. I've been thinking about the eighties and ninties
for past month. It gets weirder the more I think about it. People I watched growing up, are now grown up. Kids that I saw, are now teens. The houses I used to live in, are freakishly still the same. A stupid Richard Gere movie, is still just as stupid and horrible. I'm kind of glad that I've grown up. Kids today, have to put up with more crap than I did when I was young.And their more weary than I was when I was their age.
Remember, when you turn 30, you better do it right. Major party. That's the only way to start another year.

Posted by: spoot at April 22, 2002 12:03 PM

I love you so much honey...but Damn you could make a movie from that!!! I thought my head was f**ked!!!

I am 23 in 2 months and feel like my life is over so...i know what its like to be overcome with emotion at the things that remind you of the good/bad times!

it kinda reminded me of all those "the way it was movies" you could write a movie of your life and you're ONLY 29....

Don't dispair it would be worse for us if we could go back....

Love,light and peace

Andrea

Posted by: andrea at April 22, 2002 12:06 PM

I may only be 23, but damn can I relate to what you're saying. I went through this exact stage last summer... I bought the old Sweet Valley High books (ok, I'm sure you don't remember SVH since they were chick books, but you dig) and I sat at the computer downloading the credits to old 80's cartoons like Inspector Gadget and the Getalong Gang. Remember those??

Ahh... I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

Glad to know I'm not alone.

Posted by: Danielle at April 22, 2002 12:09 PM

once again I'm impressed at the depth of your writing, and the ability to express what all of us, more or less, are feeling these days.

My best friend from middle and high school is getting divorced. Bloody divorced, man. Divorce is something that happens to older people, to adults, who can handle the pressure, who wimp out and take the easy way out.... or at least, that's what it used to be. Now it's a fact of life, and when I think of how close I have come to that too, it's scary. Mortgage, job, baby, BABY, me for crying out loud with a daughter who is just barely walking and throwing food on the ground when she eats.
gee whiz. thanks for the post, Wil.

Posted by: Buckthorn at April 22, 2002 12:11 PM

Hey, Wil,

I'll be 45 in July.

I married my wife when I was 39. (I had never been married, or engaged, before.)

We have 5-year-old and 2-year-old sons, and sometime in the next 3 weeks, we'll have a newborn son.

I'm tired all the time and I worry about money a lot. Mortgage, bills, Catholic school this coming fall...

We're closing on the refinancing of our house tomorrow, for God's sake.

I've bought maybe one CD in the last year.

I haven't had a drink of alcohol since January of 1987.

Fortunately, my family is what really matters to me. I don't want to be as responsible as I am, but I choose to do the best I can for my kids and my wife, at least most of the time.

I take my hat off to you, 29 years old with a wife and two stepsons, one of them almost a teenager! There's no way in hell I could have done what you're doing at your age, as far as relationships and family are concerned. Particularly when it comes to bullshit-pulling ex-husbands.

I know you're happy with your life, and I hope you're also very proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

Have a great day.

Posted by: John at April 22, 2002 12:12 PM

I hear ya. I get the same feelings. But I ask myself why I'd want to turn back the clock...things are good now, really good. Back then, I had no money, no idea how I'd get by in the world once I was "all growed up." But I also didn't care. We were old enough to make our own choices but young enough that consequences weren't a concern...a short-lived combination (which is probably for the better).

Posted by: Paul at April 22, 2002 12:14 PM

Heh heh.

I'm 35.

Celibacy, getting winded lifting the remote, minivan, living in your fucking backyard pulling dandelions every goddamned day.

You get used to living without hope.

Without a future.

You will too, Uncle Willie.

Soon...

Oh.

Say, within six months after turning 30, all remnants of your previous life will have been crushed out never to be reignited again.

Then...

You spend the next fifty years planning on who's gonna get your shit when you die.

But check it out...

Spudnuts has an ACE-IN-THE-HOLE.

My ace?

I got me a full head of hair.

Oh yeah.

No, this isn't just a nice sort of cover-job to stave off MPB. This is a motherfucking kudzu-heap of insurance on top of my dome which...

Will.

Not.

Yield.

To the ravages of Big Daddy Entropy.

Fucker.

This head of hair makes my barber weep with envy. Sometimes I have to keep my eye on him to make sure he doesn't stab me in the back of my head and STEAL MY HAIR.

AND my brain.

Which is pretty good too.

So.

Yeah, I'm old.

Yeah, I got the family thing to crush my mortal soul.

Yep.

But...

I got that hair, fucker.

Posted by: Spudnus at April 22, 2002 12:26 PM

Oops.

Forgot the T in my name.

See?

Pretty damned soon I won't even know where I live. I'll be crrapping in my hand and trying to use it as currency to buy a copy of Newsweek at the Circle K.

But even as I am attempting to exchange my own feces for a completely different heap of feces...

I'll have my hair.

Suck on THAT, Michael Eisner, you BITCH!

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 22, 2002 12:29 PM

you forgot the thought for the day

Suggested:
"If you could toss your troubles in a circle with everyone else, and you had to pull out ANY one of the troubles you found there, you would certainly take back your own."

Posted by: Buck at April 22, 2002 12:29 PM

Oh man, do I know how you feel. I was moving some of my things out of my parents basement this weekend, when I found all of these boxes full of old School stuff. Why in the world I kept Algebra homework from 8th grade is beyond me.

Another box had stacks of those teen magazines from the 80's. I had a little side business going in Middle School trading posters with other girls. And wouldn't you know that our Wil was in a lot of those magazines. Yeah, I too, had a mild crush. How emberrassing it is to try and explain that away to my husband now.

Well, anyway, Wil thanks for the memories.

Posted by: cassiejo at April 22, 2002 12:29 PM

Just think about it wil, turning 30 is not as bad as turning 40. Your not 30 yet either and it's not that old man! my mom stresses about being 50, you're in your prime!!!!
And as for Ryan, tell him from a person with 3 years experience at being a teenager; yeah it's bad and it sucks sometimes but just smile and be as happy as possible. Don't take your parents for granted either, they always ove you no matter what.
Be happy Wil, a guy as talented and cool as you has got to have a life span of at least 100, you're not even half way through yet!
There's my philosophy for today, sorry it took so much room...just get carried away!
Luv Sal

Posted by: Sally at April 22, 2002 12:34 PM

Oh.

And one other thing...

Youth SUCKED.

Now...

I got me some sweet tech toys, can hop a plane any goddamned time I feel like it to... you know... eat chalupas at Disneyland, bitch, and catch a Lakers game, buy some spudnuts.

Fuck the 80's.

Fucking whoppers and Stove Top Stuffing. Jesus Christ. I can get me some kimchee and tasty Indian foodstuffs whose names I cannot pronounce or watch some cool DVDs on my iBook while shitting, consume premium espresso beverages.

Motherfucker!

I can talk to Wesley Crusher from my goddamned toilet!

And, fella, Ronald Reagan was worse than Dubya.

Fuck nostalgia.

What?

You'd trade eating cucumber sammiches with Dan Quayle for playing hot blues harmonica post-dodgeball with Tiffany?

Shit.

Get your fucking priorities straight.

Imo go get me some spicy tuna roll.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 22, 2002 12:37 PM

Gotta say I envy Spudnuts his full head of hair.

It's probably not gray, either, is it?

Posted by: John at April 22, 2002 12:38 PM

Since I was not really alive whilst you were a real youngster, seeing that I am almost the big 23, you must put this in focus. You do not remember everything that happened in the days of yore. For Christ sake, one of my roommates is 30 and he used to have a mullet, and he listened to Dokken. The 80’s were hell man! Sure there are a few things I miss, all day “Lost In Space” marathons, freeze tag, red bat baseball, but the sun will rise another day. And as an adult, well, kind of, you can do all the things you never could, like buy BB guns, swords, Transformers the Movie, pr0n, all the Legos you want, and best of all, you can appreciate all that free stuff your parents gave you, and you never said “thanks” unless they told you to. Also, you can hold hands with the one you love in public without getting cooties. No regrets.

Posted by: Slothgar at April 22, 2002 12:40 PM

I know how you feel, Wil. The irony is that we spend the first 18 or so years of our lives running like hell to get away from home, and the rest of our lives trying to get back there. (I don't mean go back and live with our parents... I mean the don't have many worries compared to now, didn't have to pay the bills, was covered by someone else's insurance, always had someone to turn to whenever I needed it comfort of childhood.)
The best way to deal with it?
Roll over and give your wife a hug. Celebrate your birthday with your kid's birthday. Remember that if you got to go back to that age, you'd have to go back to that level of stupidity and ignorance as well( Let's face it, compared to ourselves now, we were IDIOTS. If you AREN'T smarter than you were ten/fifteen/whatever years ago, then bury yourself, 'cause you're dead, you just haven't fallen down yet).

Posted by: dake at April 22, 2002 12:43 PM

I wonder what could of been of my life if I had taken another road.

Posted by: ze-mag at April 22, 2002 12:43 PM

Dude, lighten the fark up! would you really want to do 17 all over again? Turning 30 was great, you're comfortable in your own skin & with who you are, you've got more confidence, less concerned with what everyone else thinks-you're your own person, and the sex is pretty great too.
I'll be 38 in 26 days, holy crap! 40 is just around the corner.
Who gives a shit-it's all a state of mind, truely-life just keeps getting better-even with the mortgage, braces, teenagers.......have a couple cocktails and celebrate where you are now compared to where & who you were then-now is better, definitely.
sharfa

Posted by: sharfa at April 22, 2002 12:46 PM

I've been there so many times before. Maturity is the salve that soothes the pain of lost youth. Embrace your increase in years gracefully. It really isn't all that bad. Once you get to my age you can start to backslide into your second childhood.......I know how it's done and it's fun! Just think all of the fun of a teenager and all that experience!

Posted by: Spectre at April 22, 2002 12:47 PM

Oh god, Wil. I just celebrated my 35th birthday on April 9th. I was so irritable!! and every time the ffing phone rang with well-wishers I wanted to scream. Birthdays should not be like this. Cheer up, thirty wasn't that bad! It's the "35? OH MY GOD I ONLY HAVE 5 YEARS LEFT IN THE 30s" scare that really gets you. And might I add that you are aging well, you don't look thirty so rock on!! :-D

Posted by: Dimple at April 22, 2002 12:48 PM

I turn 29 in September. I've been married for 8 years this July and have 2 kids and a mortgage. My 10 yr reunion is this October. I've often found myself reminiscing over my lost youth. But ya know, I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything. I don't foresee 30 as being a huge deal to me, because I'm comfortable with my life, past AND present.

Posted by: minus7 at April 22, 2002 12:50 PM

In turning 30, one thing is giving up, a little, the sweet, sunny, exuberant feeling of being a young and new, running into the wind. Thinking of all the unseen places and things to experience. The song "Yesterday, by Roy Clark" reminds me of the color and feeling of those times.
"Yesterday when I was young the taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue. I teased at life as if it were a foolish game. The way the evening breeze may tease a candle flame.

A thousand dreams I dreamed the splendid things I planned, I always built to last on weak and shifting sand. I lived by night and shunned the naked light of day. And only now I see how the years ran away.

"Yesterday when I was young, so many happy songs were waiting to be sung. So many wild pleasures lay in store for me, and so much pain my dazzled yes refused to see.
I rans so fast that time and youth at last ran out. I never stoped to think what life was all about, and every conversation I can now recall concerns itself with me and nothing else at all.

Yesterday the moon was blue, and every crazy day broguth something new to do. I Used my magic age as if it were a wand, and never saw the waste and emptiness beyond. The game of love I played with arrogance and pride, and every flame I lit too quickly quickly died...

I think it's good to be able to feel deeply the feelings of life, the changing seasons of time. And to know we can keep some things about being young if we really really want to.

Posted by: Rick at April 22, 2002 12:50 PM

My 16th birthday was last friday so I have been thinking about when I was youger a lot too. I am 16 now, 16! Thats 2 years away from 18! Then in two more years I will be 20! Its really scary to think about.

Posted by: Michelle at April 22, 2002 12:50 PM

Wow. All I can say is....wow.


And bummer.

Posted by: foxydot at April 22, 2002 12:51 PM

Uncle Willy you seem to be going thru a mid life
crisis a bit early...but eh, what a long strange
trip its been...so you are entitled, I'm sure.

It will be okay. Breathe.

Posted by: bluecat/redblanket at April 22, 2002 12:55 PM

Wow. It's so nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks about such things - the past, how did I get here, where has the time gone, bittersweet memories. I still wonder, perhaps more than I should, what ever happened to friends I used to have, people I used to know.

When I read the part about closing your eyes and visualizing your old room, I stopped and did the same. Amazing, I can still hear the Paula Abdul. I'm not exactly old (24), but I like being older. As a teenager I was always frustrated because society today seems to dismiss teenagers. Everything is a "phase".. Being told my choice of career was a "phase" was on of the most frustrating things about being a teen. I'm lucky, I knew what I wanted to do when I was 15, and I'm still doing it. But man oh man did the kids mock me and my parents try to discourage me.

That feels like yesterday as much as it feels like a lifetime ago. I think no matter how old you are, as long as you're learning and growing and aware of who you've been, you'll always come out on top eventually.

-CarolP

Posted by: CarolP at April 22, 2002 12:56 PM

Wil, the funny thing is, I bet most people think of you as "that kid from Star Trek." Unlike a lot of child celebrities, you've made something of yourself since then- you have a loving family, you seem pretty successful in the projects you take on, and of course, you have all of us!

I totally understand what you're going through (I've been thinking the same way for a long time now), but hell, being our age is pretty damn good too. As long as you live every day as if it's the most important, that's what counts.

I just watched that "Inner Light" episode of TNG, so sue me. ;)

Posted by: Toonces at April 22, 2002 12:57 PM

I just turned 29 three days ago, I know what you mean by "hyper-nostalgia". By the way, I have to listen to "The 'Burbs" by Jerry Goldsmith to recall my memories. Well...

Posted by: Christoph at April 22, 2002 01:02 PM

You write so well.

Posted by: miel at April 22, 2002 01:04 PM

A song comes to mind: "There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed."

I can't believe I'm right at that age when I can experience "hyper-nostalgia". Just two days ago, I was thinking about the same things. The mark of crayon on the tile of my childhood bedroom from when a loud clap of thunder made me jump when I was coloring. Or the iron bed frame on the top bunk of the bed my sister slept in that I would hit my head on every morning. My best friend who would rush to my house every after noon to watch Saturday Morning Cartoons because she didn't have a TV. man I'm getting misty eyed.

Posted by: Pmacca01 at April 22, 2002 01:05 PM

Just remember what I always remember, Wil - "I may have to get old, but you can't make me do it with dignity".

Posted by: Compaq Guy at April 22, 2002 01:06 PM

Wil,
I'm turning 32 in May. I feel every ounce of loss you are. I still am! But let me tell you what did an old man good.
Pass on to your kids all the crazy stupid stuff you did, take them on a tour of your old stomping gounds. Don't hold anything back for fear of warping their tender little minds. Yhey'll ask you stuff that'll just make the memories more vivid, and thus letting your children see that dad's not just a big grumpy bossy guy that was never a kid.
Don't know why but it seemed to make things "better." Like a big sigh that says 'It's cool'

Posted by: Ken Berry (no relation) at April 22, 2002 01:10 PM

Spudnuts shoots! He scores! The crowd goes wild!

Thank God for hair, that's all I have to say.

Posted by: MrsVeteran at April 22, 2002 01:14 PM

Discovered your site on FARK (where else?). Been reading it everyday now for a month or so. I'm only 18, but once in a while something reminds me of how things used to be only.. 9-10 years ago and ask myself why the hell I didn't appreciate it more. That's just the thing, when you ARE that young you're just TOO young to appreciate it. So when you look back, older and hopefully wiser, you have something to contrast to. "Those were the days.. but now is THE day" kinda.. ish. May just be talking outta my ass, but I hear you loud 'n' clear. Keep up the writing, you're my hero man.

Posted by: Peter at April 22, 2002 01:14 PM

I'm right there with you, Wil. And I thought I was the only one feeling these overwhelming senses of longing for the way things used to be.

What really f's me up are the random triggers... Counting change at the laundromat and remembering my first day of work at Burger King when I was 14; breathing the early morning air and reminiscing about the 8 summers I worked at a summer camp in the Boundary Waters of Minnesota; the scent of Obsession and my first kiss in junior high... Ah, good times...

Okay, now I'm depressed again. Smurf off, Wil!

Posted by: Steve at April 22, 2002 01:18 PM

I'm 25 going on 26 in just a few weeks. I've been feeling *really* nostalgic lately. I found a box of things in my basement a few weeks ago. Just some old stuff of mine that I just can't seem to bring myself to throw away. An old "Darth Vader" keychain, a very worn cassette of "Good for your Soul" (Oingo Boingo), a copy of a really bad demo tape that I once did with my best friend in High School (which is really all I have left of him, as we had a serious falling out and haven't talked in nearly 4 years now..), a drawing of a dragon that I did years ago, while sitting in the car, in an old cemetary, with the first girl I ever fell in love with.., my first d20 and a couple worn character sheets, my first drivers license, and other things.. I sat and just cryed over the box for about an hour..

I also think it's cool to find somebody else that was also a Boingo fan.. that was our theme music.. :)

Posted by: Deech at April 22, 2002 01:21 PM

I wish I hadn't read Spudnuts' entry.

Spudnuts wrote:
> I can talk to Wesley Crusher from my goddamned toilet!

I'm just glad he didn't say "Uncle Willy" or I'd have never gotten that image out of my head.

--NT

Posted by: Nuclear Toast at April 22, 2002 01:25 PM

I wish I hadn't read Spudnuts' entry.

Spudnuts wrote:
> I can talk to Wesley Crusher from my goddamned toilet!

I'm just glad he didn't say "Uncle Willy" or I'd have never gotten that image out of my head.

--NT

Posted by: Nuclear Toast at April 22, 2002 01:31 PM

I wish I hadn't read Spudnuts' entry.

Spudnuts wrote:
> I can talk to Wesley Crusher from my goddamned toilet!

I'm just glad he didn't say "Uncle Willy" or I'd have never gotten that image out of my head.

--NT

Posted by: Nuclear Toast at April 22, 2002 01:35 PM

I think Pink Floyd said it best

Ticking away the moments that make up the dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find that ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or a half page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in a quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone the song is over, thought i'd something more to say

Posted by: Lucas Young at April 22, 2002 01:49 PM

I turn thirty in two months. I'm still capable of having a teenage crush on Thom Yorke. I still decorate my room with Clash posters. I still spend entirely too much money on childish bullshit, and I have a ten year old son that I adopted out that I still have contact with. It fucks with my head. You have my sympathies.

Oh, and another thing: I was told by a friend that your twenties are just a dress rehearsal for your thirties, and that you feel relieved that you don't have to do your twenties again. I don't know if that applies to me or you, but it's something to think about.

Hang in there.

Aphonia

Posted by: aphonia at April 22, 2002 01:51 PM

Wil,
Having never met you or anyone else who has written here, I find it so awesome, that even tho we come from different parts of the world, and are in different times of our lives, we are all so very much the same inside. Keep up the good work!

Posted by: Bo at April 22, 2002 01:56 PM

When I look back on my pre-30 years, I always feel like it was a time when I could have done so many things and just didn't. Why didn't I go with all of my friends on that trip to New York? Why didn't I go to that Cure concert in 1985? Why didn't I pose for the Playboy series, "Women of the SEC" back in college? The biggest loss I feel is the loss of time.

Posted by: RustyLocks at April 22, 2002 02:00 PM

Hmmm... Wil, as has been pointed out elsewhere in this thread, 30 is just a number. You're only down because this number is giving you an opportunity to remember how far you've come, with both the good and the bad consequences of that.

Being the sci-fi person you are, I assume you've read Orson Scott Card's Ender series. If you haven't, read them. Especially the later novels: Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide, and particularly Children of the Mind. Ender's character is interesting because he too was a child hero, precocious beyond anyone's expectations, and by the time he was a teenager, he had done more than most people do all their lives. Above all, he had committed atrocities that he would have to live with for the rest of his life. Ender's Game deals with that loss of innocence; the subsequent novels explore how that kind of childhood shaped his adult life.

Of course, this is just a story, but Card's genius has always been his ability to backhandedly offer remarkable insights into the human existence. It's made me think more deeply about life, and I'm not quite 19.

On the flip side: "Speak for yourself. I plan to live forever."

Posted by: da Schmiz at April 22, 2002 02:03 PM

I think you've explained the way many of us feel. I'm only 25, but every day I have "adult" things to deal with. Get up early, go to work, pay bills, pay taxes, deal with traffic ridden commutes, etc. Back in our childhood, we only had to worry about what we were doing after school and that weekend. Homework was another headache to deal with, but thinking back to my high school days, I would gladly trade my "adult" life for those days gone by. Every time I hear those 80's tunes or see those old tv shows, I always feel a pang of sadness. Sad that those days are gone...

But then I turn to me boyfriend as a cheesy 80's song comes on the radio and do our horrible lip syncing and air guitar, then one of us will catch the other off guard and soak them with a water gun or silly string.

Those days of youth may have gone, but that doesn't mean we can't act like a kid every now and again! It's great stress relief. Trust me.

Posted by: Lizhume at April 22, 2002 02:04 PM

i just visted the college bar back in good ol' denton, texas, this weekend.... talk about nostalgia! there was a band playing on the roof and my drinks were made right all night! made me even kinda want to return to texas, because the nights in april are just about the best weather ever (for tx, that is) but then i remembered that i've moved on... left that behind... and am probably better off for it.

Posted by: pavegirl at April 22, 2002 02:05 PM

Don't cry Wil, that bums me out to hear about that.

Posted by: Alice at April 22, 2002 02:05 PM

Wil, I turn 40 exactly one month after your b-day (8/29). I remember turning 30 as being nostalgic and fun (one of my students gave me a gag gift of "Just for Men" grey hair remover). I believe we can be as old as we decide to be. My 70-year-old mother can run circles around me and maintains a childlike (not childish) and inquisitive interest in the world around her. People *always* think she is younger than she actually is. When I was in Ireland a few weeks ago, I met a 93-year-old lady who whose mind was clear as a bell and I had more fun at her house for 2 hours than anywhere else on the island.

You said it yourself in one of your blogs the other day: Stay Gold. If you stay gold, the chronological age won't matter.

Peace

Ahud

Posted by: Ahud at April 22, 2002 02:05 PM


Wil,

I'll be 49 in two weeks. Don't think THAT hasn't pushed a few buttons for me. I can't believe it myself because in some ways I still feel 18.

But, there's a secret. We old kids can tell you young kids about it until we're blue in the face -- but you won't believe it anymore than I did when I was turning 30.

And the secret is: when you get older, you get more comfortable in your skin. It's not the same as having "that edge" that we all savor when we're in our teens and twenties. It's different. And it's indescribably delicious. Sure it comes with a sharp whiff of nostalgia, but that's part of the package.

Savor what you're experiencing -- you'll do it again and again as you grow older. And that "edge" is a movable bar on the scale of life.

You'll be amazed where it will take you.

Posted by: The SpaceWriter at April 22, 2002 02:13 PM

Wil, (and all you commenters!) I couldn't have said it any better, and I don't think I can honestly add anything that the rest of you haven't already said. I'm just going to sit here, listen to the 80's station on the radio, and smile wistfully because now I know I'm not alone.

Posted by: Stuffie at April 22, 2002 02:25 PM

Wil, man, it must be the planetary alignment getting everyone into a blue funk. Me included. Nostalgic for all sorts of things....

Posted by: sandra at April 22, 2002 02:29 PM

You know who NEVER cries?

Corey Feldman.

Bitch.

Don't show weekness to either one of the Coreys.

We've come so far.

Don't throw it all away now.

You show weekness to one of the Coreys and they will fucking eat you for lunch.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 22, 2002 02:31 PM

Oh man, I just turned 40 and with my second girl just born I have felt exactly the same way for a couple of months... I don't think youth is wasted on the young, I just wish it lasted longer....

Posted by: larryb at April 22, 2002 02:31 PM

Tiffany doesn't cry.

Carrottop doesn't cry.

You think Pauly Shore cries?

He doesn't.

Bill Shatner doesn't cry.

ACT LIKE A MAN!

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 22, 2002 02:32 PM

larryb said:

>> Oh man, I just turned 40 and with my second girl just born I have felt exactly the same way for a couple of months.

See.

Now it IS over at FORTY.

I mean, who are we kidding here?

Yeah.

You're definitely done.

No lie.

I won't blow smoke up your ass.

The good stuff is all behind you.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 22, 2002 02:34 PM

I spelled weakness wrong twice.

Dang.

Getting too old for this Internet shit.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 22, 2002 02:36 PM

Hey Wil!

You need to stop stealing my crises!!

My own "rant" took on a vaguely different tone, but amounts to the same thing.

I'm turning 25 in less than a month - and I find myself going through a "quarter life crisis"

Seems our "moods" follow each other.

I guess what I'm saying is - I know what you're feeling, and I thank you for sharing it with all of us. :-)

Athena

Posted by: Athena at April 22, 2002 02:40 PM

I really appreciate everything that everyone has said here.

It's strange: some of my friends have called me, and my mom, too, in tears, telling me that this really struck a chord in them.

That's not what I was trying to do, really. I was just writing about what's on my mind.

This is one of those entries that is going to get printed out for The Wife to read. :)

Thank you to everyone who has commented, and shared their feelings both here, and in emails. :)

And Happy Earth Day, Gaia.

Posted by: wil at April 22, 2002 02:42 PM

Turning 30 wasn't that bad for me. I'd been looking forward to it for a long time, actually, because 30 represented the big time to me, adulthood at last. My Dad would stop calling me "kiddo," I wouldn't get carded at the liquor store anymore, and my car would magically turn from an '88 Toyota to...anything made in the '90s. Didn't happen. I did finally buy a new car on my 31st birthday, but my Dad still calls me "Kiddo" and I do get carded a lot. (It's the curse of perpetually looking 19. Bet you can sympathize with that, can't you, Wil?) I turn 32 in 3 months. I'm pretty happy with my lot right now -- got a loving husband, a bright 3-year-old daughter, and a '98 Saturn. Can't complain. So don't stress about it, Wil. Sure, think about the past. But don't mourn it, celebrate it. And be present in your life, in these moments as they pass you by. Someday you'll look back on this, too, and wonder where it's gone.

Posted by: Laura at April 22, 2002 02:54 PM

I turned 31 in February. I have two children and a house. I have a dog and a car and my boy is potty learned. My husband has a great job.

The last movie I went to was LoTR, and it was the first time in two years. I havn't been out to dinner since the children were born. The last time I was up past midnight was to clean up the toys and finally wash the kitchen floor.

I hear ya, Wil.

Posted by: Lady Sarah at April 22, 2002 03:01 PM

Damn now you got me depressed and "hyper-nostaligic"(good word BTW) again!.. I think its one of those rites of passage. I turn 30 in 6months and have been thinking the very same things the last couple of months.

I don't particularly want to go back to the hell that was High School, but 22-25 would be cool.

Posted by: medic119 at April 22, 2002 03:09 PM

Wow.

Makes me think much of my version of the same memories. I've not seen the inside of the house I grew up in since 1992, & the neighborhood treehouse was torn down in 1995.

Balancing those carefree memories and the desire to trade them for all the troubles my ex- may commit isn't nearly as temping though. My best friend, the one with the tree house, still lives in that house in the basement with his parents.

I'll take the responisiblity of adulthood, with all its consquences (good and bad), thank you.

Posted by: bluevangogh at April 22, 2002 03:09 PM

WHEW! I'm so glad I still feel/act like a kid.. with very little responsibility. Having only to worry about one's own well being does have it's plus side. I'll be 28 in June, and my life is actually looking better than my teenage years. Sure, there are parts of my "childhood" that i get totally nostalgic about, but I refuse to "grow up," so I don't see much as lost to me.


I always feel so sad for young people that are in a big damned hurry to be "adults" with all the stress and responsibility (and bills *shudder*) that goes with it.

Posted by: AMStrange at April 22, 2002 03:10 PM

Shit Wil I know what you mean. I'll be turning 27 in one week from today. I feel a little different though. I mean I had such a crappy time growing up that I feel like things were supposed to be easier. I feel like I missed something. Like a break or something. So I guess I sorta had one year just to have fun. Actually only 6 months. April of my 21st year through October of my 21st year. No responsiblities. Just working a crappy job and partying with my friends. I could do whatever I wanted. I would go to my crappy job and just be Soooooooooo Happy. Everyday was a vacation for me. The birds were singing, the sky was blue. But then I started to feel like I was wasteing my life. So I left my low responsibility job quite hanging around the people I partyed with. (They really were bad influences, very bad.) And I got an Adult Job. An Adult Apartment. I started chasing a dream of happiness that wasn't really mine. Now I'm chasing another dream. One that will permit me to be free from this life. I have no kids and never will. That's one less thing for me to deal with. Finacial Freedom. I hope that permits me the time to breath, before my youth is all gone. 3 years to 30. Gahhhh. When the Hell did that happen? Life is what passes you by when you're not looking. Maybe I'll just stop and look around a bit.
Good Luck Wil. I know the passing of youth can be hard on some people. I hope you can recover quickly so you can realize how much time you really have left to have fun. Shit look at Shatner he's way the fuck old, but he's still liven' it up.

Posted by: Stargazer at April 22, 2002 03:11 PM

I think you're my male version of me.

I'll be 30 next month.

I hear after 30 is better anyway. You've gone through all the bullshit searching and doubts of the 20's and are finally comfortable enough with yourself to just be.

Posted by: glittergirl at April 22, 2002 03:25 PM

I turn 30 in four months, and it hits me at weird times. I was reminiscing with my older brother the other day, and we were recalling bad 80s tv shows ("That's Incredible" being at the forefront). Eek, just had another flashback.

Posted by: Bill at April 22, 2002 03:38 PM

Yea, the 80's were pretty kickin' here too. Running through the woods, not caring about anything or worrying about the smallest thing. As long as we can hold on to those good memories.. then I think we always bring our childhood along with us. It's harder to find.. but it is there.

Posted by: RavenBlue at April 22, 2002 03:40 PM

"So when I saw this commercial last night, it hit me: I'm turning 30 in 3 months."

RENEW! RENEW! RENEW!

:-)

Posted by: Grimmtooth at April 22, 2002 03:48 PM

Damn. It's posts like this that make me really love your blog, man. Now I'm all, Mr. Sensitive-like and shit. *snif* Thanks a lot, ya fucker.

Posted by: TURTLES11 at April 22, 2002 03:57 PM

I'm right there with you, Wil. You know how you said that when you had it good that you were to arrogant or whatever to know better. I wish that I could have been a little more arrogant and not cared a FUCK what the "cool kids" thought of a geek girl like me. I could have had so much more fun instead of sitting arround moping that I didn't have the "right" kind of clothes to wear. Hey, all you 30 year old "cool kids" -you can kiss my ASS!!

Posted by: Elkay at April 22, 2002 03:59 PM

I competely understand where you are coming from. I am 23 years old but looking at my students at school and listening to them I feel the same way. they think not having the newest flip flops is a crises and I am worried about saving rent money. grr getting older is hard. I can't imagine what having kids that age is like. good luck :)

Posted by: jadis at April 22, 2002 04:04 PM

God, Wil, way to depress us. I suddenly desperately miss the 80's now, too, and I was only 7.

Posted by: Leslie at April 22, 2002 04:17 PM

wow and i thought i was depressed this past weekend. We went to see my college friends and realized wow we have changed. We only graduated three years ago. I felt sad cause not all my friends were there. Things changed really quick. I found myself wishing it was the fall of 97 when I was a junior in college. It was then I met the best of friends or so it seemed. Things changed we all went our seperate ways and I felt like balling. We decided we had to visit more and I said what I always wanted to say. It was touching. I felt odd reading this and actually finding out that you was practically thinking about similar aspects. I guess I just wanted to say wow things change.

Posted by: Patricia at April 22, 2002 04:25 PM

Wow.... you saw that advertisement too, huh? I am not quite 30 yet, but approaching fast (just turned 29 this month!). I have been "hyper nostalgic" (great term by the way) off and on for the past year and can completely relate to how you feel. Only now , not so much. Too much to look forward to! The past was fun, but I like it right where it is...

Posted by: SaidtheGirl at April 22, 2002 04:27 PM

Boy, Wil, your post today reall struck home for me. I'm turning 30 in 5 months (ha ha! I'm younger than you) and am alternating by being very happy where I am at in life right now and missing my younger youth so damn much it hurts. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not the only one.

Posted by: Lauri at April 22, 2002 04:42 PM

True story, though I don't remember the names or the exact quotes.

A 60 year old woman was starting out on a completely new life project. She asked her 80 year old friend whether it was foolish for her to start something completely new at her age. The 80 year old said you're asking the wrong person. She continued: I'm 20 years older than you and I'm starting something new myself, something I've never tried before and you my dear are just a baby.

So at almost twenty-nine...knowing that there is an 80 year old that regards a 60 year old as a "just a baby"; it makes me smile and worry a little less about the time going by so quickly. A lot has past, but there is also much more to come.

Hope this brings you a smile as well.

Posted by: rmg at April 22, 2002 04:51 PM

Wil, I couldn't have put that any better than you. The 80's were a great time not because of anything historic, but because it was our youth. There has been many a time when I think back to how carefree those days were hanging out with my friends and my biggest worry was what we were going to do tonight. I so miss those times. I so miss those people. But time has changed everything and though I still keep in touch with some of those people, many more are lost because of the different paths we all chose.

But I also have things to look forward to. I've been married to a great woman now for almost 7 years and have a beautiful 2 year old daughter that I can't wait to share more of myself with as she gets older. If only there was someway to take what I have now and combine it with the feeling of youth. I would be the happiest person in the world, especially if I didn't have to worry about paying the bills!

Posted by: Jon (from Detroit) at April 22, 2002 04:52 PM

Will,

You are such an awesome writer, I hope you realize that! I love reading your blog. You are NOT old, but I do understand your feelings. I am turning 40 in September, and I am definitely feeling it. I can't deny that I don't enjoy the sound of it. I've been trying to figure out what it is about it that I don't like. I guess it's just a societal image that somehow has stuck in my head.

And then I think, when I'm 60 I'm sure I'll wish I was 40. So just enjoy it now, and don't worry about the past. Cherish it and make the most of NOW cause that's all we have.

'nuff said...and I still love "The Buddy System".

Denise

Posted by: Denise at April 22, 2002 04:53 PM

Oh and I almost forgot-the Danny Elfman score from Batman is awesome! But then again, most everything Elfman does is!

Posted by: Jon (from Detroit) at April 22, 2002 05:01 PM

Will, today's my birthday. I'm turning 17. So many times in the past few years of my life, I've looked back on my life, and wondered about how easy things were, and how hard they'd appeared at the time. I'm glad that I've realized that as tough as life is now, some things will be harder. But others will be easier. And growing up doesn't always mean getting old and out-of-date. It just means learning more. Everything happens at the time it's supposed to happen. And I realize that as a 17-year-old I don't exactly have the greatest experience in the world, but I believe I'm right here. And besides, wouldn't you rather see your step-sons become teenagers while you're 30 and still have hopes of being cool, rather than 40 and 'old,' or younger and unprepared?
I wonder what they'll be calling classics when I'm 30...

Posted by: Sarah at April 22, 2002 05:06 PM

I get these feelings from time to time and I'm only 19! I'm turning 20 soon and I'm glad to know that doesn't mean I won't be a kid anymore. I can't stand the thought of growing up. I have nostalgic feelings all the time, I guess that explains the tv theme songs on my computer. But then again, I had the same don't-wanna-grow-up feelings at 10, so that's life. Hang in there Wil.

I have to move out of residence this week as the school yeah is over, and I'm having that feeling in heaps. My first year is over. Where did it go? Sometimes we could slow down life, just a little bit, wouldn't that be nice.

Posted by: Ravengirl at April 22, 2002 05:06 PM

My oldest brother is eight years older than I am. When I turned 30 (badly; I was working a horrific job at the time), he told me that your 30s are the best time, and he was right. You're old enough to know more of who you are, but young enough to have fun with it. He was absolutely right. You will hate turning 30, and you will LOVE it after that.

Posted by: Janis Cortese at April 22, 2002 05:10 PM

Uhm, I didn't read all the comments, hell you probably won't read this considering all the great lovin' advice here, but uhm... I was a strange kid. I mean heck, I wanted to grow up fast like any of them, but I had so many adults saying "You're young, kid, enjoy it!" that it became old very fast (pardon the awful pun there). I did enjoy my childhood when I could, but I remember a lot I didn't like about it. For me, childhood wasn't sunshine and lollipops. I argued a lot with my parents, I had a hard time at school because I wasn't very popular, and I only really started getting friends in my early teens. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you did the best you could during that time, all of us do. Life isn't over though, once you reach a certain age. I mean, what do you think this is - Star Trek or something? You think you're an eskimo? "Anne... get the sleigh and the dogs... I'm ready for them polar bears."

I've felt nostalgia plenty of times, but I stop and think... hang on. When I was having so much 'fun' back then, I didn't have my beautiful neices and nephews. They weren't around. My family was smaller by about ten people. I *love* those people. Shit, careers and mortgages make life harder for you, but your life is enriched so much because hey - you are a much better person now than you used to be. I'm not saying you were an asshole when you were a kid - don't take that the wrong way. I'm saying that when we're younger we're only a portion of the person we grow up to be. Life is to be savoured, every little second. Sorry, I'm ranting. Message in short:

Feel good about the past, cause it's the only youth you've got and a lot of other people had worse (trust me).

Good shit in front of you now. Look forward to it. Mucho happy life if you choose to savour it.

Advice from blog comment listings are like fortune-cookies - fun for a little while but you soon forget it when it comes to the crunch. So read often and with fresh-baked cookies.

Posted by: Nancy at April 22, 2002 05:24 PM

Well said Bo.

Posted by: ymous_annon at April 22, 2002 05:36 PM

Hey all.
Wil dude I turned 28 last year and damn its tough. But I am not even married and nowhere near it. I have a girlfriend of 3 months and friends on my water polo team and I still party alot. It's nice to actually wait til later in life to get married and have kids and pretend like you are still a kid.

Let me tell you its AWESOME. I don't even have a mortgage payment.. I live in an apartment and do whatever i want when i want. I think around 30 I may get depressed enough to get married but until then I feel your pain. I miss the innocence of not knowing what you are gonna do when you are a kid. I grew up collecting comics watching sci fi and having fun til there was no tomorrow. Soon I will be where you are minus the wife and kids but it's cool to know big willie is along with me..

AND HEY THE PRINCE BATMAN SOUNDTRACK OWNED!! "PArty Man" ruled n stuff :(

good times noodle salad

Posted by: hops at April 22, 2002 05:36 PM

As a child of the 80s who is going to turn 30 this year, I can understand the weight of responsibilities of adulthood.

But, don't worry... you'll make a big movie and you'll make millions. Then Drew Barrymore will try to seduce you and you'll just be like, get the hell away from me.

You'll have a mansion an life will be grand.

Or, maybe you will find happiness is in making life simple. I find the older I get the more I enjoy reading philosophical texts on Taoism. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Good luck and keep on writing.

-BlueEgret

Posted by: BlueEgret at April 22, 2002 05:45 PM

I've got 23 days before I get to legally drink the alkeeholl, and now I feel old.

Granted, that ain't got NUTHIN on all of you older people. You guys got to see Jaws in the theater and crap.

Me?

I gotta deal with Britney Spears being called the epitome of hot-chick-hood.

You wanna know how frustrating it is to have some younger ho being all famous and quoted and shit?

It's enough to make me feel like I'm wasting my fucking time.

I can only hope I grow up to be as jaded and cynical as Spudnuts, only not quite as male.

So, yeah, Wil? and all the rest of you?

You ain't old.

My grandma got her first speeding ticket a couple years ago.

She just turned 89.

So there is a future, so long as it's as an old lady who drives like a maniac.

Eat THAT, Spudnuts.

Actually, don't. The mental image of you doing that to my grammy... eewww.

I'm going now.

Posted by: KJB at April 22, 2002 06:05 PM

Wil, thanks for posting that. A few weeks ago the Sunday edition of the LA Times ran an 80's theme in the magazine section and I just kept reading it over and over. Felt that same sense of loss, cept for me it was growing up in Bethesda Maryland with my friends riding our BMX bikes everywhere. Spike Jonz was even in our crew. (Rockville BMX will live forever in memory)

Senior year in high school, freshman year in college, man I couldn't wait to put it all behind me and now I think I'd give a lot to go back for a few weeks. Listening to Depeche Mode, Simply Red, Fine Young Cannibals, and quite a few other bands I'd rather not admit listening to BUT they were from my era man. Then there are all those 80's teen movies. Ferris, Weird Science, Breakfast Club....ahh, where did it go and where are we going?

Posted by: Kman at April 22, 2002 06:06 PM

Wil, I’m 35, and have reflected on my life’s great regrets for five years now. This is what I’ve learned:

If I had known then what I know now… I’d be living right now with a past filled with different regrets. Perhaps I wouldn’t be living at all.

To have regrets is to wish for events to have been different, diminishing the value we place on learning from those failures. I’m not so certain that success teaches us the value of what we have as much as failure does.

A past failure still perceived as a failure, may lead to a success which otherwise would not have occurred.

My great regrets:

1. Not being more social in High School
2. Not being more successful with women in High School
3. Not completing university
4. Not leveraging my community college education as well as I could have
5. Not choosing a career path in IT earlier
6. A car accident I had nearly 10 years ago in which my passenger died

I think that my first two regrets are silly. I actually largely avoided getting caught up in a lot of frivolity. It hurt at the time, but I probably avoided even more pain.

My next two regrets are more complex. I think I wasn’t ready for university at the time, and I still have many more years to get additional higher education. As for not leveraging my education, I think that I am, just not directly. In many ways I learned what I didn’t want to do.

As for not choosing an IT career sooner – well, bad choice. Then again, it is likely that had I done so, I wouldn’t have been living in the town where I met my wife. And my children, Natasha and Alexander, would never have existed.

As for the car accident, I deeply regret my friend passing away, and no amount of learning from the experience can justify her death. But I learned a lot about the value of life and of my own character. I still think about her daily, and try hard to be a better person than I think I otherwise would have been.

In summary, forward is the way we move through time, and is the direction we should all look to.

Posted by: mark Francis at April 22, 2002 06:31 PM

Im turning 23 years old tomorrow. :o/

Posted by: mcfoo at April 22, 2002 06:34 PM

Hey Wil:
30 Something eh? Well I turn 47 in two weeks. You just gotta keep that quirky smile that everyone had so much fun with in photoshop.Yeah life throws us these deep feelings that we wonder where they came from. WTF I really like that Pink Floyd reference, it's one of my favorites TTFN

Posted by: wally at April 22, 2002 06:41 PM

So is time a predator, that stalks us all our lives? Or is time a companion that joins us on the journey, reminding us to cherish every moment because it will never come again?

See, Star Trek movies, even the bad ones, can teach us something.

Anyway. My high school reunion is in three months. I wasn't all that fond of high school, and I have managed to forget a good percentage of the people in my class. For some reason, I've prided myself on that; that I've been able to shove aside the unpleasant people and memories and get on with life.

Last month, I encountered an old high school chum at the mall. Not a dear friend, but a friend, and someone I remembered fondly.

He had no idea who I was.

Here I was, thinking I was all superior for shoving aside the past, ready to go to my reunion and play the "Who are you, again?" card with everybody. And someone goes and beats me to it.

Part of growing older means accepting that you aren't the center of the universe. That's not directed specifically at anyone here; it's just an observation. Man, that's a tough one.

Posted by: TJS at April 22, 2002 06:44 PM

Wil, I sympathize. *wipes a tear* I was just thinking about that the other day. I'm 20 and sometimes I feel that way.

What I wouldn't give to go back to primary colors and pigtails, playing with the boy next door and watching the sun set with him... And never having to worry about anything more serious than a flat bicycle wheel.

Instead of my freaking CAR dying this week. Oy vey...

But hey, you seem to have turned out all right. There's hope for the rest of us. We just have to keep childhood in perspective.

Your writing is beautiful, by the way. Thank you for sharing your gift with us.

Posted by: Danielle at April 22, 2002 07:01 PM

I love Danny Elfman! I love his Batman score!
His Black Beauty score is my favorite.

I love Depeche Mode. I love Black Celebration! I was just saying the other day how it was my favorite album.

You rock!

80's music is just too good, I wish it was still "cool" to say that you liked it....

But the funny thing is...I'm only 20, not 30...
Oh well.

Posted by: Victoria Black at April 22, 2002 07:12 PM

ACK!! THTTHBTTHTTHBTH!!! TJS, Generations was the BEST Star Trek film!!!! Blasphemer!

Posted by: TURTLES11 at April 22, 2002 07:24 PM

I'll be 30 in four months, but I'm looking forward to it. I don't know how it happened, but just this year I finally lost my angst! You know, the 20's "angst", which I used to have a bad case of: what am i going to do with my life, crazy relationships, what job is right for me..etc. I don't really know what has actually changed this year, but it's like I settled into my skin and feel "this is me, ahhhh". And I'm going to have one rockin' birthday party!

Posted by: shauna at April 22, 2002 07:27 PM

Try being 35 un-married, no kids and still wondering when life is going to "begin".

The 80's... What a time capsule. The 80's - it seems more like "a place" than "a time", you know? Like there's a wrong turn you can make in some old video store and come out of a mall surrounded by more "big hair" than you care to think about.

You've made me want to dig out "Good For Your Soul", however...

Posted by: Jeffrey Schrab at April 22, 2002 07:31 PM

Very moving. I read the majority of comments here and laughed and sharedd, "
that's true" feelings with some of them. The 80's were the best of times. I think
the chaos in the world today has something to do with these memories springing up
inside ourselves. I think it's more than just growing up or reaching a certain age. We're
recalling the happier and simpler times during a time in which the world seems to be spiralling out of control.

What helps me in times of mourning over days past is that I lived in a country that allowed me to have
these precious moments. How many thousands or millions starve each day in remote places around the world who
will never have the chance to look back and treasure memories such as we share here?

Ferris is 40? SOAB!

Posted by: Yellow Chipmunk at April 22, 2002 07:31 PM

Ya know...I think I saw that same commercial...I actually bought the fucking thing though. So very very sad. Anyway, I will hit the big Three Oh this sunday and I think I've finally come to grips with it. I have three great kids, a wonderful wife, two cats and a bunny. It's not so bad really...(sob) Oh how I miss 15.

Posted by: Patrick at April 22, 2002 07:55 PM

In four months I turn 41. I survived turning 30 -- it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone made me think -- and I survived turning 40. The only bad thing about that was the gray hair.

I've survived raising a teenager. That wasn't as bad as everyone made it out to be, either. It was interesting, watching those stages unfold right before me, knowing that the snotty 13 year old was going to turn into an eyerolling 14 year old, an impatient 15 year old, and then gradually turn into an adult. And at 19, he's there. Fully grown up, and I still have (I hope) a lot of my own life left to have FUN.

When you let STUFF bring you down (and it really is all just STUFF) it makes geting older more difficult. You look back and wish for the things you had as a kid. But let me tell you, when you're looking straight ahead, there's *alot* of fun out there waiting.

Posted by: Thumper at April 22, 2002 08:05 PM

DUDE, you so totally summed it up man. Im like turning 30 in a month and all i seem to be thinking about these last few months has been the 80's and the fun times i had, roleplaying and cruisen the streets in my hot V8 car with my mates.
I want that time and feelings back.
Then again there was the whole teenage thing and been a uncool nerdy geek boy, plus dodging the gangbangers each day after school so you didnt get the shit beat out of you.
hmm perhaps we are better off nowadays, with our wives and kids and mortages. Sure it is a little bit more stressful sometimes. But aleast you know where we are in our lives and generally we know what we want. Plus there is the whole family thing and the joy it brings with it.

Posted by: Magus Nex at April 22, 2002 08:05 PM

"That Prince monstrosity"?

"That Prince monstrosity"?

Wil,

We need to talk.

Surely you can't be seriously expecting me to believe that TV's WIL WHEATON is incapable of understanding the majesty of Prince's pre-stupid-name-change, pre-scrawling-grafitti-about-"how-my-record-company-is-a-bunch-of-mean-men"-on-his cheek masterpiece?

See, in the filmclip to Batdance (Bat-daaaaaaance) - and before you say "Batman doesn't dance", let me remind you of a certain episode where Burt Ward got left in the Batmobile while Batman went into a licenced venue and proceeded to strut his caped crusader stuff on the dancefloor with some mighty fine go-go girls who, if I remember correctly, turned out to be someone's henchmen - or henchwomen - or henchpeople - in that filmclip, the tiny purple GENIUS is dressed as both The Joker AND The Batman, thereby acknowledging that they both - Jokesy and Batsy - are two sides of the same twisted coin.

Pretty astute observations, there, the kind of weighty psychological observations about the nature of revenge and the fine line between heroism and villainty that never even SURFACED on Danny Elfman's "ooh look at me I'm a John Williams wannabe and Tim Burton is my BUDDY" soundtrack

The Batusi. Remember, Wil?

I'd love to see you try to batusi to Elfman's score.

You can't.

So don't try.

Even though I said I'd like to see it.

Because I wouldn't, really.

But PRINCE?

Oh, there's a whole lot of batusi goin' on there.

Bet your cowl on it.

Posted by: matsya at April 22, 2002 08:09 PM

Ho-ly shit! You're doing this when your 30?! I must've gotten a very early start on this stuff. I'm only 20 and I've been thinking like this for quite a while now. I always wanted to believe that it got better when you got older. **Are you telling me it gets worse???** I feel like I'm frittering away my time and not getting anywhere. Eveyone tells me, "My God Kris! You're only 20, you have your whole life ahread of you!" I can only think that I've already blown 20 years and I'm scared of where I'm going from here. IT GETS WORSE?? If I can't deal with it now, how the hell am I gonna' deal with it at 30, or 50??? Well, thanks for giving me another night's worth of insomnia inducing mental turmoil.

Posted by: MacManKrisK at April 22, 2002 08:20 PM

Haha. I think Wil's wife's ex-husband is the only person who could genuinley say that he hates wesley crusher.

Posted by: The real wil shady at April 22, 2002 08:22 PM

Ok.. I'm gonna repeat what has already been said, but I need to say it.

Damn Wil.. You hit the nail on the head. I feel like that evry now and again too. My best friend, who I've known since 3rd grade is gonna be setteling down pretty soon too. I remember the nigts of hanging out at my friend Matt's house, with the guys. Dialing up the BBSes and trolling. Or sitting in Matt's back room and listening to records or just talking about stupid shit.

It's always good to know that there is someone else that is going through the same things I go through too.

Ok.. time to fire up some 80's MP3s...

Posted by: MobbyG at April 22, 2002 08:24 PM

Ack, I turn 28 in 5 days and dang if I knew what I was supposed to do with my life.

And with people now having families and mortgages, I keep thinking hey! When did we become adults?

Posted by: Nico at April 22, 2002 08:45 PM

Wil, I'm just loving my thirties. They are the best. Don't sweat it, and don't worry about it.

Back then in your teen years, though you are nostalgic now, you didn't know how good you had it, did you? Well, same thing applies in your thirties, but you just know how to recognize it better and be thankful for it. Instead of being scared, be excited at what is to come and that you are older and wiser to experience it more fully.

Anne

Posted by: Anne at April 22, 2002 08:51 PM

Wow! That is EXACTLY like how I feel. I know that is almost the same comment everyone else has, too.

I am turning 30 in like 61 hours (officially, 10:17 am, 4/25) and for the past few days (maybe even weeks) I have been in the wierdest funk.

I just keep remembering all that is to remember and realizing, no matter how much I think about it, I can *never* go back and "re-live" it. It just makes me really sad. I know that "the best years are still ahead" and all of that bullshit, but it still doesn't change exactly how I feel, here and now, getting ready to leave my twenties and enter my thirties.

And, I know it's also not the end of the world, but, like it or not, I'm probably a little more than finished with a 1/3 of my life, which means I've only got another 2/3's left...if I'm lucky. So, I know how you feel, and I share your pain, Will.

Posted by: Cassie at April 22, 2002 08:53 PM

That's so sad... I'm 16 and I've been going off on tangents recently about SATs and AP tests and how i should be savoring my youth while it's here, but wow. That just sums up what I worry about. I worry that I'll graduate college, end up sitting in some cubical and wishing I had gone out with my friends more, made more memories. Dang, they tell us to grow up and take it, but this is nuts. We're only teenagers for so long. I will do great things, I'm sure of it, but for now dammit I am going to be a kid!

Posted by: Indy at April 22, 2002 08:59 PM

hrmf. gonna be 33 next year. Life is good anyway, i guess.

Posted by: pril at April 22, 2002 09:00 PM

Oh, by the way...I want to apologize...I *know* it's W-I-L, not W-I-L-L (like I typed)...sorry :-)

Posted by: Cassie at April 22, 2002 09:00 PM

Wil, I turned 49 this February and have 4 kids from this second marriage: 13, 11, 8 and 4. I gave up a career as a trial attorney to raise em and to help my OB/Gyn husband. We've had about 4 moves in the last six years, hoping that each one would be our last. You just have to endure, sometimes, hon. The fact that you have a great wife and stepkids should help in that fact. And, all the posts here seem to say that you are loved and supported in your journey. We all feel, sometimes, that our best years are behind us. But, you know, I really think the "old geezers" like myself who have posted have hit on it: it really does get better: different, to be sure! but better. Hang in there! Karen

Posted by: Kazfeist at April 22, 2002 09:17 PM

You are born, you listen to a lot of music, and then you die. It's realy not that complicated.

Posted by: Fred Fowler at April 22, 2002 09:36 PM

Let me first apologize for the length of this post! Then, allow me to apologize for the apparent jab at Sweet Uncle Sparks! ;-)

I'll be 29 this coming January. I am not married ... nor do I hold much hope of ever being married ... I've been dating the same woman since I was 21, and, in a situation typical in my life, SHE'S the one skittish about marriage. If I'd had half the chance, I would've married her years ago. She's afraid of change, though, and all she says of marriage is "I want a wedding, but I don't want to be married." About children? I don't expect them ...I've looked forward to them, though. She'll move in with me ... after she's lived on her own for a while. Well, really, after she's moved in with a *male* friend at work, and THEN moved out on her own .... Don't worry about him being a guy, she tells me --She doesn't want him and he doesn't want her. What I'm telling her is that I understand the not wanting each other part... what I'm worried about is being WELLL into my 30s before we go to the next level (assuming I'm going to be able to hold out 'til next week.)

Enough of that, though. I had an OK childhood... I was never in a major motion picture or anything >;-)
But it was very enjoyable. (Youth may be wasted on the young, but 'Wasted youth is better by far than a wise and productive old age.' --- I'll credit that to Meatloaf, 'cause that's where I heard it.)

Lucas Young - You are most certainly right, Pink Floyd put it very well. I was just thinking that the Alan Parsons said it well, too, on I Robot; Day after Day.

Gaze at the sky And picture a memory
Of days in your life You knew what it meant to be happy and free
With time on your side

Remember your daddy When no one was wiser
Your ma used to say That you would go further than he ever could With time on your side

Think of a boy with the stars in his eye
Longing to reach them but frightened to try
Sadly, you'd say, someday, someday

But day after day The show must go on
And time slipped away Before you could build any castles in Spain The chance had gone by

With nothing to say And no one to say it to
Nothing has changed
You've still got it all to do Surely you know
The chance has gone by

Think of a boy with the stars in his eye
Longing to reach them but frightened to try
Sadly, you'd say, someday, someday

But, day after day The show must go on
And you gaze at the sky And picture a memory of days in your life With time on your side

With time on your side
(Day after day the show must go on)
With time on your side
(Day after day the show must go on)


Posted by: Dave08 at April 22, 2002 09:38 PM

Wil, music absolutely drags up old emotions and memories. The only way I can keep track of what happened when in high school and college is by the songs I was listening to then.
Thirty's not so bad. It's only a number.

Posted by: Bruce at April 22, 2002 09:45 PM

I've never seen Pink Floyd quoted so much before. You know what my sister's theme song is? We all have theme songs - mine is WonderWoman - and don't you FORGET it! Anyways - her is No Regrets, by the great Edith Piaf. You remember that song, you play it. You go to babelfish and translate them wordies. "No, I do not regret anything." The rest is kinda garbled but the important message is there.

Posted by: Nancy at April 22, 2002 09:51 PM

Thanks Wil,

It's cool that someone like you can relate on this level. I remember a buddy of mine who had batman logos on the sides of his car back in the early nineties when that movie came out... and one or both of us catching a STTNG episode and calling each other about it to say how cool it was. A lot has changed since then and I don't see those guys as much anymore but thanks for bringing that back.

Posted by: Jeff at April 22, 2002 10:31 PM

Wil very good topic, man,I turn 30 july 6 this year and I've been freaking out for the past year. It was like when I was 25 you know your saying I'm in my mid-20's, 28 still close to mid-20's but 29 that's it!! 30 is coming quickly and you start looking around and thinking what have I done. you start seeing The Real World 10 and it's like oh fuck!!

Posted by: billybale at April 22, 2002 11:05 PM

Hey I highly recommend going to the Inner Child thread in Everything else. I feel better everytime I go there. I am 26 and my hubby is 28. Yep aging plays weird and sad tricks on a person's brain sometimes.

Posted by: Artisticspirit at April 22, 2002 11:42 PM

Turning 30? Whatever... after 30 it's all the same, it isn't some magic barrier or anything. Self examination is ok, but don't kill yourself with it, you've been to Topeka for gawds' sake, you know how bad it can get.

Posted by: Tenebrae at April 23, 2002 12:04 AM

I to miss the late 80's and early 90's. Granted I'll only be turning 18 in four months but reading what you said makes me think about the past, AGAIN! lol
I miss being five years old and watching TNG when you guys used to wear those Star Fleet uniforms that always reminded me of the French military, lol.
I still look back and wonder "Where has the time gone?". I am going on my last year of High School, which means I only have 1 and a half years until I join the Marines. I know everything will completely change then. TNG, DS9, and even Voyager ar gone now, nothing but a memory. I'll always remember those days though when I would sit two feet from the T.V and watch your character progress(aswell as many others)and watch the Enterprise go from one mystery to the next. "Enterprise" is good and all but TNG will ALWAYS be my favorite. I wish I could go back in time to when I was five and do and watch everything I did once again while it was brand ne and not a repeat. Sorry about going on like that, heh. I hope everything turns out great for you, even when you turn 40 dude. =)

Posted by: Kyle at April 23, 2002 12:11 AM

Just be glad you aren't a woman! It all goes south about the time you turn 30! If you didn't before, you suddenly discover gray is a color that you will have to live with in some way or another, either in your hair that everyone can see or in the hair that only YOU see! It sucks! At least men get to grow old gracefully! And be glad that you have such a great metabolism! And that you don't have to bear children. Those two things together take their toll on your body. Men still have it up on women with the effects of aging. But the number 30 is cause for self reflection. You do start to look back and notice how much things have changed. If your parents are still around, you kind of notice that they are getting older too. That sucks major! But there are things to be grateful for.....you're alive and not a boozer or heroin addict!.............It was great seeing your young little face in the Sacramento Bee. Makes me wonder where all those years went!

taz

Posted by: Taz at April 23, 2002 12:27 AM

Danny Elfman/Oingo Boingo totally rocks. You rule a thousandfold for liking such great 80s music. (Of course, you ruled before that, but still.)

Posted by: Noelle at April 23, 2002 12:30 AM

Wow reading this makes me glad that we don't have time travel. Imagine how many people would go back and try to relive the 80's. You would probably go and tell the younger you to really enjoy what you had, but do you really think you would listen? No. I am not quite 20 yet and am trying to enjoy what I have. I have read all this before and it is making me wonder "Am I going to be this way when I'm 30, 40?" The answer is "Probably". Oh well, until then I'm going to try and enjoy what you all wish you still had, ha ha ha (Just kidding).

Posted by: Hal97 at April 23, 2002 12:38 AM

30 years old and talking about wasted youth.. I like to think of myself as very young, but I see it's just an illusion ;o]

Posted by: Nico at April 23, 2002 12:51 AM

Cripes, so -thats- what that overwhelming sense of creeping doom is that's been keeping me up o'nights. I was wunnerin' about that.
I'm not sure if it's the turning 30 (in just a little over 4 months, on the aniversary of -that- day no less, I'll never forget my birthday) as much as it is my recent realization that the last 10-15 years just flew by. I mean dang, one minute I was sitting up into the wee hours doing a Freudian deconstruction of the Rodger Corman classic "Battle Beyond the Stars" as a goof, eating nuclear nachos, and playing in a White Wolf LARP and then the next I'm pondering having grape nuts for breakfast to put more fiber in my diet and coming to the realization that I really need to get a diversified portfolio set up. How the hell did this happen?
And if the last 10-15 went by so quick then by what scary-ass factor will the next decade increase in speed?
Just pondering it makes my brain stem want to leap up and throttle my cerebrum.

*sigh*
I miss Max Headroom (the show not the Coke ads).
I miss bizzare 80's music.
I miss Bloom County and Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes.
I miss MST3K.
I miss the way Miami Vice, amidst all that flash and glam and nonsense would every now and then do a really unsettling story, like the one with the guy in the wall and the cop who went crazy and put him there.
I miss 120 Minutes on MTV and Unplugged too.
I miss Star Blazers and G-Force and Robotech (though not, -never-, Minmei).
Damn I watched alot of tv didn't I?
I miss jean jackets with little pins on them.
I miss that incredible kick I got the first time I read Watchmen and then again when I first read Dark Knight Returns.
I miss squirt gun battles in towel section of Penny's
I miss watching TNG reruns with my pals every night and MST3King it. (never the new eps on Saturday though, that would be sacralidge)
I miss freaking the mundanes.
I miss D&D, GURPS, Diplomacy, Amber White Wolf and Castle Falkenstien LARPS and the endless consumption of caffine and sugar that went along with them.
For reasons passing understanding, I kinda miss Swatches. I do not, however, miss acid washed jeans, poofy bangs, or the dreaded pastel period of the mid-80's
Banana clips are right out too. As are shoulder pads.
I miss memorizing Monty Python's The Holy Grail.
I miss Vax'ing in HS and in college.
I miss hanging out for no reason at all just, 'cause.
I miss words like Rad and Bitch'n
I miss the thrill of learning new stuff in school.
I miss snow days and the first day of summer vacation.
I miss the certainty that I would never get old

And now I wonder what I'll be missing 10 years from now, which, relativisticly speaking, should roll around in just about the time it takes me to hit the post button.

Dang Unka Willy. I dont know whether to thank you for this trip down memory lane or send you my therapy bill.
Regardless, well written it was and I'm much appreciative of you crystalizing the feelings of so many of is us out there.

Posted by: CornFed at April 23, 2002 01:44 AM

Or, as Paul Simon put it:

I am older than I once was
and younger than I'll be
that's not unusual

No, it isn't strange
after changes upon changes we are more or less the same

Posted by: John Ross at April 23, 2002 01:49 AM

Hoo. I may not have a mortgage, and I may only be 25, but I do, in a way, understand.

When I was 12, I loved the--cringe--New Kids on the Block, I wanted to be a cheerleader, and I thought my parents would be married forever.

I never imagined I would be up to my ears in credit card debt, stranded in self-imposed exile in the great frozen Midwest, having a conversation with my long-estranged father via AIM about why I thought it was sensible of me to be unmarried and childless at 25.

All of this hit me the other day along with the realization that I am in a long-term relationship with someone who will be 30 next year. I remember my PARENTS turning 30, it seems bizarre to be dating someone who will be 30 soon when I can still quite clearly recall their entry into their thirties.

I thought of ALL of this and came to this conclusion: hoo, boy, I am getting old and I haven't done a blasted thing.

Since I turned 25 a few months ago I have been laboring under the delusion that my life is almost over and I have really messed it up. I thought I wanted to go back to my youth and start over; everything seemed so hopeful then and I am so jaded and bitter now.

But thinking of all those things the other day, and then thinking, "wow, I'm old and I have wasted it all," well, suddenly I realized 25 and 30 years old...we're still kids ourselves, man. You may have a mortgage and pre-teens, and I may be careerless and unmarried but in the grand scheme of things, we are nowhere near old, and quite possibly we may not even REALLY be adults yet, at least I don't feel like one.

30 is a number and in the grand scheme of things a small one. Come on, Wil, you still play video games! You play dodgeball! Your youth isn't wasted any more than mine is because we're still IN our youths.

It will all be okay once you wrap your head around it. 25 and 30 aren't the ages they were when our parents turned them; the possibilities are stretching ahead of us. Let's relax and enjoy it, mortgages, credit card debts and all.

Posted by: belle at April 23, 2002 01:58 AM

Around about now any 30-ish Boingo fans in need of a weepy nostalgic fix should listen to "Stay", the album version, really loud, preferably off vinyl.

I turned 30 recently. It's not so much a sense of loss or age that hits you, but the sense of disorientation. See, the fact is you reach a point in your adult life, usually the first time around now, where you realise that somewhere deep down there's a part of you that hasn't noticed the passing of time. That the first time you heard Weird Al do Hey Joe polka-style wasn't yesterday, it was a lifetime ago.

But it *was* yesterday, wasn't it?

Posted by: ginch at April 23, 2002 03:42 AM

I have been your fan now for 16 years and the fact that you have your own site and you maintain it, pretty much kicks ass.

I will be 27 this year and like you; mortgage to pay and responsibilities to take care of (being single does not mean less responsibility!!), but even though I miss my youth (I sound like my gran!) I am happy to be older, achieving my goals, and realising my dreams. Look at where you are and what you have achieved, for it is just the beginning!

"People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
- Albert Einstein

Posted by: Nataly at April 23, 2002 04:31 AM

The Byrds said: "Aw, but I was so much older then; I'm younger than that now."
Wow, Wil. I am totally on the same wavelength that you're on. I turn 30 in 15 days, and I'm dreading it. Luckily, I, too, only look at most about 20- I still sometimes get mistaken for a 16-year-old, especially if I'm not wearing makeup. That makes me feel good, but then I'll see a new gray hair (which really stands out when you're a brunette) and feel old again. It doesn't help that I'm older than my husband, either... I sometimes wonder when life is going to start, too. I'm in a band called the Wag, and we're doing all right, but it's not like we have a recording contract or anything. I don't want to sign my first deal when I'm 35- I want it NOW!!! We have a song that our guitarist wrote, and it's called "Short Days." I believe you can listen to it on our website (and if not, buy the CD!). To me, the title says it all. It's about growing older. Time is a lot shorter than you think, so grab life by the you-know-whats and live!!! I get very nostalgic sometimes. I think especially about my family, and about how I wish I had done things differently- maybe I could have been a little nicer to them (of course I was only being a normal teenager, but looking back...); I wish I hadn't ended up with the guys I went with back then... I wish maybe I hadn't gone out so much (believe me, I was no party animal, but still) because now that I don't have my family in close proximity to me, I miss them a whole lot. It was always me and my sister and my dad, my mom having left when I was 9, and when I think about them, I get very sad. I live in central Jersey, and I'm going to see my sis (who lives in NY) this weekend, and sometime next month I'll see my dad (who lives in South Jersey). I'm not sure when I'll see Mom again- she also lives in South Jersey, but I don't see her as much. Anyway, when I go to see my dad, it's partially to get my piano from him (my house is finishing up being worked on, and now I'll have room for it). It's always a very painful thing for me to go back to that house, because I still have my room there, although most of the stuff is gone from it now. My dad lives there alone, and I get very sad thinking about it. Whoa, it seems I'm veering a bit off topic here. Anyway, Wil, to me, turning 30 makes me think about all those things- not just about how carefree life was back then, although we didn't know it at the time; not just about the TV shows, and the friends, and all the little things in my room; not just about how much life I had ahead of me; mostly turning 30 makes me think about my family, and how much I miss them, and how I wish I could turn back the clock so I could spend more time with them. Great, now I have to start work today all teary-eyed! Thanks a lot, Wil. But really, thank you for putting into words what a lot of us are feeling. I'm sorry this post was so long- you made me wax nostalgic. Keep up the great work, Wil.
Love, Alicia
www.thewagband.com

Posted by: Alicia at April 23, 2002 05:24 AM

There is a country song out now..(Yeah..moans)
thats called "Goodbye twenties hello minivan!"

Really...nuff said.

Posted by: bluecat/redblanket at April 23, 2002 05:27 AM

You guys MISS all that 80s crud?

You don't have to.

You got the Internet.

That's where 80s crud goes when everyone else is finished with it.

All crud.

All 80s.

All the time.

So give your nostalgia a miss, yeah?

Posted by: matsya at April 23, 2002 05:49 AM

I was asked about turning 30, after it happened in 2000. Sure I was a little freaked when it happened, but I'm much happier now at 31 than I was at 29. At 30, you finally begin to forgive yourself for all the foolish things you did in your teens and 20s. Sure the nostalgiac sadness creeps up on you, but it's countered by the fact that you can give yourself a lot more credit for the things you are good at. At 30 you begin to realize a few limitations and can allow yourself to be bad at a few things. Allowing yourself to suck at a selected few things is a huge load off. Me? I picked being bad at packing weirdly shaped objects (like action figures) into boxes. I accepted that I never was nor will be a tetris-god. Other hand, I realized I'm very good at my job and I quit being my own worst critic. Another key at 30: remember what Robert Heinlein wrote, "The key to happiness? Get enough sleep."
Welcome to our club. You'll like it here.

Posted by: Mr. Crow at April 23, 2002 05:55 AM

You need Ultraman! I have the first 4 episodes and the last 4 episodes on VHS. Nothing will put your passing youth in perspective like some hardcore, chinese made, campy as all hell, episodes of the ORIGINAL Ultraman.

Let me know if you'd like a copy and I'll get one off to you. I've been 31 for almost a year now, and with that last Blog of yours, you poured my heart out. UGH! :O)

Posted by: Doug at April 23, 2002 06:22 AM

I do the laying awake thing all the time. I used to get in moods like that all the time. Eat some chocolate. You're stressed. You need to get some rest and relax a little. I used to laugh at alot of things that make me cry now. Its probably a chemical imbalance. Go to the store and find Godiva Belgian Dark Chocolate ice cream. It'll help. :-)
I love the soundtrack to the original Batman movie! The soundtrack to the animated movie Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is good too. :-)
Heh, I'll be 26 in a few months. My sister just turned 28. It's kind of weird how society creates these subliminal phobias about certain ages. Especially decade markers. I was supposed to be bummed about being 25 but I don't really feel any different than I did when I was 20. I just have more aches and pains. Try not to listen to stuff that depresses you. Feeling sad makes your body create chemicals that make you feel more depressed. Try to think of happy things. Be glad that you are still alive and that you are relatively safe. Look at the good things in your life and focus on them. I have friends in Israel that still manage to have a positive outlook on life. Be happy that you still have your best friend from age 13. I have moved so much that I haven't kept in contact with anyone I knew before I was 20. And even the ones that I met after I still here from only in email. As for your wife's ex-husband, kick him from behind when nobody is looking. ;-D
Anyways, I played EQ all night and need to nap. heh. I totally get the wasted youth thing. If only I had done many things differently when i was younger. Maybe my health wouldn't be so bad now. I mean, I never did drugs or got drunk. But I had opportunities to go places, see things, and learn things that I didn't take advantage of. Now I look back and think about the stuff I wish I had done. But y'know, that's life. If I'm meant to do those things, I'll do them in my next life if not later in this one.
"Always look on the bright side of life".
luv,
-Su

Posted by: Su at April 23, 2002 06:23 AM

Will, looking back on our "halcyon days" is one of our most guilty pleasures. But it aint true. It was never "better", you just forgot the bad stuff...like the widow who's dead husband is only remembered as a kind man. It's called the Halo Effect. We forget our bad times and see the good times through a haze clouded by dreams.

Everyone ages. EVERYONE. It's a critical part of life and without it we couldn't exist....in fact, you could say that the march of time (and the March of Dimes I imagine) is what allows us to enjoy life.

I think the reason we dread getting older is because we havent lived up to some incorrect assumption of who we THOUGHT we should be. Hell, your career was pretty much my goal years ago. Do I bemoan the fact that I have not been on Star Trek yet? even as a Red Shirt? No! I've done great things in my 30 years. I dont regret one.

I died two years ago and was given another chance by whatever forces in this universe you believe in. I dont rush around hurrying to do more or worrying about wasting time. At 30, I'm better at living than I ever was. Now, I relax, enjoy growing old, have fun being who I thought I'd never be.

And never letting the child inside die.

30 is no biggy Wil. You wont feel different. And it will only hurt when the cute girls at the mall call you "sir". That always smarts.

Posted by: Sean at April 23, 2002 06:27 AM

Today I am 37 (happy birthday to me!). Of course it varies with environment and situation, but the 30's have been the best years of my life. I do like to reminisce about childhood--most of it, some parts I was glad to escape. There's nothing wrong with a little melancholy now and then, but chin up, Wil, you've got worlds of good times and memories ahead of you.

Posted by: Mark E at April 23, 2002 07:15 AM

don't you see now how important stand by me was?!?!

Posted by: joe at April 23, 2002 07:21 AM

Awww, that made me cry.

Posted by: Anastasia at April 23, 2002 07:34 AM

uncle willie, you can still kick it with the young dudes. hehe. i'm barely 18 and i'm coming to realise that i can still get up early and watch cartoons if i want, or have bowl after bowl of ice cream in pizza hut, but i can also go out and get trashed (ah, the beauties of living in england) and dance all night too. getting older affords us the freedom to fulfill dreams long forgotten. this is making me want to go outside and roll down the hill with bunches in my hair, so i think i will.

spread the love, all over your bad self ;)

sherlock

Posted by: sherlock at April 23, 2002 07:37 AM

I just turned 39...I was having the usual "tremors" but then someone said "it could be worse" and suddenly it was. My husband of 15 yrs (turned 40 in October) left me for a 30 year old women he works with. Enjoy what you have Wil.
A beautiful wife, great kids and the usual problems. And appreciate just have fragile it all is. Even with this major set back I still look forward to 40. I have a caree, a beautiful son, a home, and good friends. The things that matter are still with me...

Posted by: Tonya at April 23, 2002 07:45 AM

Wil,

Welcome to the big 30! I had the same problem as you when I was getting ready to turn 30. But it was somewhat different.

When I was younger, I pictured myself in the place you are now (married, living in a house with 2.3 kids, a pet of somekind, etc.), but instead I was single, living in an apartment, barely making ends meet, and going to college. Yeah, college at age 30. It was nothing like what I thought my life would be. It was very depressing and the more I thought about turning 30 and where my life WAS NOT, the more depressed I became about it.

There is something about being 20-something and thinking that you are going to be 30-something. It seems like your youthfulness disappears at that point, but guess what ... it doesn't. After I turned 30, I still felt like I did before I became a 30-something person. Nothing changed. It is a fear about a time that you think there is going to be a big change in your life, but it really doesn't exist. A misplaced fear.

Also, when I moved back to Indiana from Texas, the first place I went was to my parents house. I was there for 4 days and remembered a lot of things from my childhood. I was even living in the same room that I grew up in and I had a very strong feeling that this was no longer my home. I felt more like a visitor in a place that used to be mine. After 4 days, I moved in with a friend instead. I couldn't stand that feeling for long.

It is amazing that as we go through life we call many places home, but those places that used to be home, that used to be our comfort zones, are no longer that. They are places that hold ghosts of the past, and do not hold that confort zone any longer.

Hang in there Wil. You'll understand shortly. 30 will come and go and you will look back a couple of months after that and say to yourself, "Boy, that was pretty stupid for me to worry about that damn birthday." I know I sure did.

Patrick

Posted by: widget at April 23, 2002 07:55 AM

Wow Wil, you should collect these comments and put out a book called "Blogging for the 30's Soul" or something. Seriously your post seems to have touched a lot of us (even those in other age groups) and prompted us to share some of our own stories. In my opinion things like this are part of the WWDN magic. Thanks for posting and thanks everyone else for opening up and sharing a piece of yourselves with the rest of us.

Posted by: Gaea at April 23, 2002 07:58 AM

I know what you mean completely. Only, the weird thing is, is that I feel that way when and I am so much (okay, not SO much) younger. I remember my glory days of the late 80s and early 90s when all I had to care about was saturday morning cartoons and New Kids on the Block (Oh, shut up! I was 8 in '89! That's reasonable, isn't it? It wasn't until later that I developed a wider taste of eighties music. Depeche Mode and REM forever!). I'm only 20 and even *I* feel that youth has passed me by, so don't feel bad, Wil... I don't think youth has left you behind. You just have a different kind of youth -- one that revolves around PhotoShop pictures of you and being the coolest Star Trek geek ever! ;o)

The problem isn't the "hyper-nostalgia" for a few minutes-- it's getting caught up in it for a long time. Like, I have a scrapbook that I made of my high school theatre days. It's been some three years since I was in high school, but I often look at it and feel the same intense loss and sadness deep in my heart... and I have to stop. None of us can get caught up in our glory days gone by.... because you have so many glory days ahead. :o)

See, who the hell needs counseling when you have a website and fans like us to empathize and relate? You owe us money. Pay up, geek boy. ;o)

peace, love, and big 80s hair!
~ angie k

Posted by: angie k at April 23, 2002 08:05 AM

Someone who I admire said something to this effect:

"I will be always grateful to my grandparents who taught me that no matter how the days gone by were, the good 'ol days are still yet to come."

Posted by: S. Stewart at April 23, 2002 08:26 AM

When I was a child I spoke as a child
I wish I could remember what I said...

Posted by: bri at April 23, 2002 08:31 AM

And ANOTHER thing - you put in that MST3K episode "Space Mutiny" on, you watch that fucker and you tell me again that you miss the 80s dude. Come oooon! :P Anyone that tells me that they miss the 80s after that freakin' monstrosity needs to sit their ass down and tell me when their extra-cool X-Box was invented, and what they were forced to do for kicks before all the really cool 3-D game engines were thought up.

Say it with me now people:

PONG.

Bip - biddee -beep pong. It wasn't till the last half of the freakin' 80s that they even MANAGED to put Wolfenstein together. Shooting germans man - you can't beat shooting germans. The really cool thing is, you wanna relive that shit all you have to do is warm up your old emulator and bip - biddee - beep pong - it's happening again. Yay. And the BEST freakin' thing about the 80s is that it ended man! No more big hair, no more bad make-up, no more horrid cotton prints and NO MORE STILLETO HEELS! The day platform shoes came into fashion was the day God said, "Nacey dude, I'm giving you a break." My toes still hurt from the odd time I wore those pointy icky shoe things from the 80s. Not that you wear heels, right Wil? Yeaaah you bet.

Posted by: Nancy at April 23, 2002 09:12 AM

There is always worse. I will be 40. I never had a wife or kids, but my brothers' kids are having kids. Will they known Uncle Tony? Still, I feel peaceful because, no matter what, I have given myself a sense that my purpose in life has been fulfilled. In other words, it's all in your mind. Life is what you make it with what you got and you got more than most.

Posted by: adeversole at April 23, 2002 09:28 AM

Wow. The great thing is that everyone feels the same way- no matter what they say. You knwo that everyone has gone through that stage where they are so unsure of where they are going and just want to retreat to where they've been. You are in good company.

Posted by: Darcy at April 23, 2002 09:46 AM

I'm loving all this "When I was 31, it was a very good year..." stuff. Oy. Nostalgia sucks.

I can't stand to look back for more than a couple of minutes and have NEVER understood those who... say... STILL listen to U2. I loved U2... about twenty fucking years ago. But I've moved on.

Being over 30 ain't sad. Looking over your shoulder back at your "glory days" is sad.

Check this out...

This is what arch-fucker George Lucas has to say about you 30-something loser Internet geeks (and me).

http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101020429/story.html

>> Lucas blames the anti-Jar Jar sentiment on "37-year-old guys who spend all their time on the Internet."

Now.

Fuck Lucas before Phantom Menace, but now he's slamming guys like me who just happen to be 35 and just happen to spend all their time on the Internet (although to be fair, I get paid for it).

But you wanna talk about losing your edge... Rick Berman and George Lucas. They have amassed a gargantuan warchest and surrounded themselves with a phalanx of yes-men, but those fuckers have been churning out shit for many, many years.

You wanna know what's cool about being over 30?

Yard work.

Okay, I did mention earlier that pulling dandelions sucks. And it does. Also mowing sucks a lot. Hate that shit. But planting strawberry plants and like churning up dirt with a big rototiller is cool.

I would go so far as to say it is...

THE Coolest.

In fact, I wish I could get paid to just dig in my backyard all day. Fuck this cubicle shit. Yeah, it pays for the backyard, but I really, really want to get paid to just plant shit.

All day.

But I want to get paid well.

And I want a safe to drop on George Lucas' pompadour. Fuck that guy. And fuck his clones. And fuck Berman too.

And while we're at it... fuck Bono.

And fuck my dandelions.

TWO tines.

But getting back to Lucas...

Bitch.

How the fuck can he offload his failure onto the heads of the kind of guys who watched Star Wars at age 12 back in '76 (or whenever)? Are fat Internet geeks responsible for Howard the Duck and Willow?

Now, I have never owned a Star Wars action figure in my life or indeed any action figure. In fact, I honestly can say I have never purchased a single item which in any way relates to Star Wars. Don't have the movies taped, didn't buy the DVD (in fact, my entire sci-fi geek trove consists of one Star Trek II DVD and a Mr. Worf lunchbox which my brother gave me as a gag. That's it). But if I were one of those guys who DOES have the whole action figure spread, bought the comics, DVD, so forth, I'd be pissed.

This is like Bonzi Wells and Rasheed Wallace here in Portland. Earlier in the year when the Blazers were not even close to making the playoffs, Wells shot off his mouth about how the players more or less deigned to acknowledge the fans out of the generosity of their heart and that there was a clear distinction between US (all caps) and them (lower case).

Well, those fuckers are about one week away from yet another premature playoff exit and who the fuck are the sorry, sad fuckers who pay to see these guys lose and then shit in their open mouths?

This is why athletes and celebrities should be fed into woodchippers.

Oh.

And fuck Cuba Gooding Jr. too.

And Robin Williams.

And fuck my dandelions.

TWO tines.

Again.

Shit, this place is getting all stuffy.

Need some air.

Oh.

And you don't like my rambling post or it's tone?

Well, eat it up with a spoon, bitch.

That's all.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 23, 2002 09:50 AM

Thanks Wil,
Now I have the heavy head of ages lost to contend with.
At 36, with my old hometown of Los Angeles (San Pedro) 17 years and 3000 miles gone, I can now look back and think "Damn! If I'd only known then what I know now."

Posted by: Mark at April 23, 2002 09:52 AM

"..everything is beautiful in its own way...

la la la

Ebay is GREAT for nostalgia..(HOWEVER its spelled
...there has been different versions in this
thread.)..keeps all the money in the "flow"..and
keeps THOSE memories like yesterday.

Like someone said "everyone gets old." ITS OKAY!

Posted by: bluecat/redblanket at April 23, 2002 09:55 AM

Hey Spuds:
In Portland, Hey? Me too...go out, take a break, the weather is gorgeous today.
LK

Posted by: Elkay at April 23, 2002 10:24 AM

32 ain't any better.

However, you do have the benefit of wisdom and more power, or rather more influence, since people take a 30 year old more seriously than a 20 year old.

I dread aging mainly because of the inevitable death that comes. I would live forever given the chance...or at least a really, really long time.

Oh, and the mortgage payments suck hairy monkey ass too. :)

Posted by: jim at April 23, 2002 10:32 AM

Wil, all I can say that the hypernostalgia feeling you've described is (must be) one of the universal human experiences... Just take a look at how many of us are going through it, including myself. I mean I'm 26 going on 27, married and my husband and I just bought our first house, which was such a dream of ours... And so we're hit with the responsibilities and the bills. But I am looking forward to it all - this is what life is about. We're all lucky that prospectively we can look forward to 70 or more years on this earth, which is a lot more than our grandparents expected. And so we are all growing up and struggling to accept it as part of life. It is one of many tasks to come.

Posted by: SpaceCadet at April 23, 2002 10:39 AM

I don't wanna die.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 23, 2002 10:42 AM

Then learn to spell.
TWO tines, or two times?

Posted by: dake at April 23, 2002 10:56 AM

Well, Uncle Willie, all I can tell you is that it's not any easier in your late 30's! I'm 37 (and will be 38 on August 7th) and I can tell you that I can recall with all too much clarity, not only experiences, but conversations of my youth. My teen years were fun, though like most every other teenager, awkward - and sometimes painful.

My greatest reflections come from the years '82 thru '86 - right after highschool up to the year after I turned "LEGAL". I'd give a lot to have fun like that again - working in record and book stores and not caring that I made very little money because I was happy and having FUN.

Not that I want to be another that quotes a song for his nostalgia, but I am and unable to escape the truth, so here I go (again on my own)....

After the fire, the fire still burns
The heart grows older, but never-ever learns
The memories smolder and the soul always yearns
After the fire, the fire still burns

The fire can be the final twinges of your youth slipping away. It can be the passionate wonder that you once applied to almost everything. It can be the way you feel when you reflect upon times you're glad to have been a part of. Whatever the fire is to you, Wil, I truly hope you never lose the feeling of the burning. We're old before we realize or understand that there are stages to life that need to be lived to the fullest. We don't need to feel pain when the fire burns, just learn from it and allow it the proper recognition of what it means and how it shaped our lives.

Enjoy your memories, Wil. Hopefully you'll have them forever and not lose them to some disease or affliction. Bask in the beauty of your memories, as they're your personal history!

Kind regards,

Jerry

Posted by: Norbie at April 23, 2002 10:57 AM

What I meant was, I am so glad I am not THE ONLY ONE feeling this way. The posse has spoken: hypernostalgia exists.

Posted by: SpaceCadet at April 23, 2002 10:59 AM

Three words to this entry Wil: AMEN TO THAT !!!!!!!

Posted by: Marie at April 23, 2002 11:03 AM

Spudnuts: I'm with you on that Lucas stuff. But, to his credit, he hit upon the power of Myth. Not 'myth' as in magazine headlines like 'Hair gel as Contraceptive: The Myths and Facts.' As if 'myth' is supposed to be synonymous with 'fallacy.'
All Grand Master Lucas needs to do is reread his Joseph Campbell books.
But, I digress. Who am I but a member of the movie going public?

Incidentally ... I'd have saved the F-word for James Cameron or Paul Verhoeven...

Posted by: Dave at April 23, 2002 11:03 AM

dake said:

>> Then learn to spell. TWO tines, or two times?

Tines, motherfucker.

N.

Not M.

Spudnuts is in complete control of the language. If it gets posted, you better believe I put every motherfucking character, jot, and tittle there for a reason. It is not my job to translate. You need to decipher ME.

Keep up.

I don't slow down for stragglers.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 23, 2002 11:05 AM

I'm 33 and instead of getting depressed about it, use it for motivation. Get with it! No more wasting time. Every moment that you spend thinking about how things suck is a moment that you never get back. Why not use those moments having fun?

Posted by: Patrick at April 23, 2002 11:05 AM

Jesus Christ.

You want Chagall to point to a red blob and say "that's a rooster?"

Sheet.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 23, 2002 11:06 AM

Spudnuts: Don't worry you'll never really die. Far in the future someone will dig up an ancient computer with these strange sound files and they too will become worshippers of the mighty Spudnuts and his glorious rants. Either that or they'll run away screaming. *grins and ducks*

Posted by: Gaea at April 23, 2002 11:08 AM

Heh, spudnuts, you're probably a Sonics fan too... Admit it, you traitor...

Posted by: dake at April 23, 2002 11:08 AM

I'll turn 30 exactly 10 days after you, Wil. Single, no kids. Most of my friends are either late teens or early 20's. Still tho, I know what you feel. I, too, have those days. Then I go out with my young friends and have some fun. Remember that....have fun. We each have our individual responsibilites, but after those, we can have fun. We'll always long for yester-year, when times seemed simpler...long for those old friends. But, at any age, we can get out and have some fun, enjoy life for what it is.

Posted by: William at April 23, 2002 11:13 AM

Lakers.

And I don't get jack shit if someone Laura Comstocks my MP3s three hundred years from now.

Hey, Future!

This is Spudnuts.

Dialing in from 2002.

Pay me, motherfuckers.

Fucking jetpack, no biodiversity-having, vitamin pill-eating freeloaders.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 23, 2002 11:13 AM

You forgot electric-car driving.

Posted by: dake at April 23, 2002 11:19 AM

Will,
Wow. I know what you mean.
I'm only 26 but I get those same feelings when I see those damn commercials.
I used to hate you when I was a kid.
Probably because back then, you were on Star Trek, my favorite show, and the girl I had an overwhelming crush on, had a picture of you up on the wall in her room.
I've been a reader of yer site for a while now.
And what can I say.
You rock, man.
I listened to the same music, read the same stuff, played the same games as you.
Yer log today moved me.
What can I say now?
Uncle Willie ROCKS!

Posted by: kiloecho at April 23, 2002 11:24 AM

I came out of the movies the other day and saw all the little teeneyboppers sitting there waiting for their rides - acting like asses. Trying to get a few drags in before mom shows up.

I walked right past them to the applebee's ordered a MUCHO Mudslide and snickered.

I don't ever want to be a teenager again. 20 maybe but never that young.

Posted by: Jodilyn at April 23, 2002 11:27 AM

Wil,

The posts I've been reading make me wonder why people don't use more common sense in their everyday life decisions. I've read many of the posts and it seems that people are unhappy with their lives due to the decisions they have made. For instance, people are complaining about not having enough money and what they are going to do about taking care of their kids. Well, why did they not think about the costs of having children before they went ahead and had some? Why not be smart and build wealth and financial independence before jumping into something as big as having kids, or buying a house or new car? Be smart about decisions, think them through, create a plan and strategy then go for it. I'm only 26 and my wife and don't rush into the big things in life. We made sure we could afford a nice house, cars and other stuff before we went out and bought them. That way, there are very few surprises; you know you can make your mortgage and car payment, have money for vacations and the things you want and invest as much as you can for retirement. Sure, stuff comes up but, you have to put money aside and build up your personal war-chest so that one day you can become immune from whatever the government or individuals throw at you. I've lead a nice life so far and I'm blessed. But I wake up scared every morning. It keeps me on my toes and allows me not to take my success for granted. I have a high-pressure job. I know I'm not in the best physical shape due to the fact that I work a lot. But I'm better prepared for things that will come along and every day we get closer to the day when we really won't have to worry (financial independence and retirement). I love the site. Keep up the good work.

Posted by: Steven Prediletto at April 23, 2002 12:27 PM

SpudNUTS...have you thought about therapy or
tranquilizers?

You sound more angry than normally angry.

Nostalgia DOES have its place in the world.
Dammit you can't go forward with out knowing
WHERE it was you once came FROM!

Posted by: bluecat/redblanket at April 23, 2002 12:53 PM

I'll be turning 30 in about 2 weeks...so i totally know what you mean....
but it aint all bad wil...
like you i have a fantastic wife, and i'm in the profession i love (art director)...
as for the nostalgia....it get's all of us at one time or another....

'As i get older, i seem to realize, that all the good intentions don't match up to all the lies
and i question all around me for the sake of seeming wise

as i get older i don't get quite so phased, by people clenchin fists in anger, pardon me while i count the ways
how this stench i'm getting used to seems to grow seems to say

what happened to the good times
what's so good about today
innocence abandoned me, cuz ive been miles away

as i get older i always will pretend
that everything is new to me, but that fact is that i'm dead
to all of life's surprizes, they're re-runs to me instead

now that i'm older one thing is still unsure
if i'm so desensitized why can't i find a cure
and forget that once you're born
just like the snow you can't stay pure...

what happened to the good times
what's so good about today
innocence abandoned me
cuz i've been miles away

_______________

cheers wil...

Posted by: tyson at April 23, 2002 12:54 PM

Wil, I feel for you. I'll be turning 32 in September. About two weeks ago I heard an Iron Maiden song on the radio which just about fused all my synapses together, because I no longer bear even a superficial resemblence to the teenager who had 10, sleeveless, black T-shirts with a dead guy silkscreened on them!

For what it's worth, here're my thoughts on being 30+:

Don't romanticize your youth too much! When you were a teenager a lot of things that you can shrug off now hurt deeply and bitterly. Hell...I was miserable for a good portion of my teen-age years. I'm glad that I'll never be that miserable and uncertain ever again!

Don't think that 30 is some magical age that opens the doors to some secret chamber wherein the secrets of the adult universe are revealed. They aren't. I remember how clueless and confused my parents were, yet they always tried to pretend they spoke with absolute authority. I've learned not to do that. Don't be afraid to say "Hang on...I'm trying to figure this out."

There's no reason you can't keep gaming. I do...it helps keep me sane(ish). ^_^

"Remember...no matter where you go, there you are."

Thanks for the great site. & hang in there.

Posted by: John at April 23, 2002 12:59 PM

how sad
now what song is that?

Posted by: Amez at April 23, 2002 01:00 PM

I lost my 25 year old wife three months ago from, of all things, a kidney stone. I'm 28, soon to be 29 and I feel the same way you do Will. We owned 2 houses (we rented one, not rich by a long shot), had a dog and a cat and basically had life by the horns. Then it all came crashing down. Our dog dies of kidney problems and then my wife shortly after from a kidney stone...just me and the cat now, alone. It's tough at times and you want to go back to the old times, the good times.

But I have to think that there will be good times ahead. New memories that I'll make and old ones I'll never forget.

Posted by: Sean at April 23, 2002 01:02 PM

Wil,
Ironically, the very fact that I stummbled upon your site is a symptom of my own little nostalgia trip. This year I have been searching out the icons of my youth (you happened to be one of them) and trying to put it all into perspective.
I am lucky enough to maintain friendships with people that I have known since the age of two. This year it seems like everytime I see them we end up talking about the old days... Every statement would begin with, "Remember the time..." and end with, "Can you believe we ever got away with that shit..."
What I began to realise was that my largest sense of loss came from the conviction that I had not lived up to my own crazy/youthful standards. Looking back I was remembering all the wild daring things I used to do and I had begun to think my life now was boring by comparison. But, when I really think about it I am still doing really neat things that not many people get to do and I have so many great friends to enjoy my time with. I have realised that my fear of being mediocre is unfounded. I guess I have just grown and my idea of wild and crazy has grown with me. Though I must say that I do miss being able to revel in the mud slide we used to make down the cliff by the river when I was about ten. You know, I think I just might go and check it out...

Posted by: Haley Comet at April 23, 2002 01:07 PM

HI Wil.....it's so strange that you would write down what i am feeling...last night all i could think about was my past, old friends, people places.....i turned 30 today, it is interesting for me to think about where i thought i'd be and where i am now....all in all...i'd give myself a couple of days to get over the shock of saying...i'm 30 now :)

Posted by: Plum at April 23, 2002 01:09 PM

You know, I waited to get married until I was 30 (thank God, who knows who I would've been with if I hadn't!) and I'm know 33 with my first little guy just hitting 9 months old. And y'know what, even though I have the mortgage, the day job, and still dream of writing/acting in something more than community theatre, I'M STILL THAT KID!!! My wife still let's me buy Comic Book's, and even read them herself. I still look forward to Disney movies, and the latest sci-fi blockbuster. And while I no longer play my RPG's (who has time???) I get to play with Little People with my son, and look forward to appreciating his toys as well!

As long as we let the joyous parts of our childhood remain, the challenges of adulthood are far less threatening!

Posted by: Timothy Van Bruggen at April 23, 2002 01:22 PM

hey wil

look you are so sexy, man i am still 19 and i want to back to when i was 12 and be hyper and crazy that was the shit. but hey you are really awesome my b-day is in july and im getting the 20's blues. how did i get so old, ok wil this is not helping any sorry didnt mean to say that. youre still the cutiest pimp daddy in the world and wouldnt change it for the world. hey did you read my post of soapbox "why i think wil wheaton is cute" it might make you feel better. hey dont tell me you were that colin dude everybody is talking about :) well anyway take care buddy me and toonces think you are still and will be a hot babe

Posted by: annalisa at April 23, 2002 01:34 PM

Gurps? Seriously, Wil, I thought you were a better geek than that. I mean where's the fun in 3d6 for everything?

It's discrimination, that's what it is! Think of the poor bastardized dice out there, living on the street, just trying to scrape enough money together to buy some cheap hooch or a line of coke to forget their troubles. You gamers out there, listen up. These Dice need your help.

Roll up a barbarian. Swing a great axe. Play Morton's List. Do your part to save a young polyhedron.

Brought to you by the Society for Outcast Random Number Generators.

Posted by: Random_Tangent at April 23, 2002 01:48 PM

I, too, am on the expressway to age 30. Though no spouse or children are in my picture, I also find myself reckoning with Time about what I uphold in my life. And even with all this nostalgia and contemplation looming over me like some comic book villain, I can't help but think that I've been very lucky and that hitting the mother of all milestones will only propel me to savor the tasty bits of life even more.

Posted by: KB at April 23, 2002 01:52 PM

Now, I know this is a "female" poem, but it's too much fun not to post right here, right now, on this thread. (Although, with 230 plus other posts ahead of me, I can't really see anyone reading *all* the way down here.)

Warning, by Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Posted by: Debby at April 23, 2002 03:10 PM

I don't know when I read so much maudlin nonsense. Turning 30 should be a cause for celebration! You've collectively been there and done that and you don't have to go through all that bullshit again. The point is that while you may have legally become an adult at 18, its the next 12 years that marks your ascendancy as you absorb your education though trial and error and start to display your creative prowess.
Now is the time to show the world that you are here to stay!

John McGregor

Posted by: John McGregor at April 23, 2002 03:14 PM

I digz them Spudnuts rants.

Posted by: Kman at April 23, 2002 03:44 PM

Holy fuck Wil, you lived *my* life! I always thought this was a cool website just like ones my friends would make (albeit a tad more professional looking ;) but it never really hit me that your childhood/adolescence would turn out to be virtually identical to mine. Amazing man.

Posted by: Brent at April 23, 2002 05:12 PM

Lucas? Don't get me started.

I had the misfortune of being somewhere once when someone tried to tell me that I - being 30 years old this year (and celebrating by hiring an inflatable jumping castle for all my 'grownup' friends to bounce with reckless drug-addled abandon on thank you very much) - am part of the STAR WARS GENERATION.

Fuck that shit.

Sure, I was sitting in the front seat of my parents' chocolate-brown Toyota station wagon at the drive-in in March 1978 staring up at the pretty lady and the robots, stuffing popcorn into my six-year-old mouth and drooling.

In 1980 I was confused as to why Yoda sounded like Fozzie Bear.

In 1983 I remember ducking as the Millenium Falcon entered the second Death Star (and by the way, if your first ultimate weapon was destroyed by a spaceship flying into it and dropping a payload, wouldn't you make sure that the second one had vents that were too small for a spaceship to fit in? Just asking. Because the Falcon is waaay bigger than an X-wing, so to me it looks like they made the god-damn vents BIGGER or something. Way to conquer the universe, guys).

But I also remember other stuff, totally unrelated to Star Wars.

Like Caravan of Courage.

No, Wait.

I meant to say Raiders of the Lost Ark.

And I RESENT being generationally pigeonholed into a movie trilogy just because of a large number of gut-dangling geeks and their fear of death.

Resent it wholeheartedly.

Hey, does anyone remember Lucas' cameo in Beverly Hills Cop III? It's a classic.

See, Axel Foley has to rescue the cute kids trapped at the top of some amusement park ride, right? So he pushes in line at the ferris wheel, shoving aside the couple who are at the front.

Guess who's at the front.

Go on, guess.

No, I'll tell you.

Lucas.

George Lucas.

And his wife.

And Lucas says, "Hey!".

That's his line.

And he blows it.

Totally unconvincing.

Not convinced at all.

An unconvincing "Hey!"

No real anger.

He even looks straight at the camera.

And turns to walk off before he's finished the line, because that's his cue.

Say "Hey" and walk away.

But he can't do it convincingly.

Not even with Joseph Cambpell coaching him could he do it convincingly.

And that bright yellow sweater?

Ugh.

What a geek.

Now Star Trek - THERE'S a show.

Sign me up for the STAR TREK GENERATION.

Or the one after that.

The... you can see this coming, can't you?

The NEXT Generation.

Heh.

Posted by: matsya at April 23, 2002 06:42 PM

Geez, that whole entry makes me want to cry.
I am 28yrs old, have a 4 month old son and only last night caught myself thinking...."holy crap, I have a son! One day he's going to be 14 and saying he wishes I were dead and he was never born....but right now I can look at him and he smiles at me like I am the greatest thing in the world."

Getting older maybe isn't quite so bad. It's not the long weekends spent at the beach, frying, trying to catch some far-older & cooler surfing-dudes eye, while you adjust your brand new bikini...but those little smiley moments at 3am with my son....to me they are far more important..who cares about mortgages or unemployment or the fact that my gas heater is going to blow my house up any second?
Besides, apart from the beach thing, my youth REALLY sucked...I don't much miss it at all.

Posted by: Bronte at April 23, 2002 07:05 PM

I am SO with you, Wil.
I have only been married for 1.5 years, no kids, turning 29 next month.
Your post made me cry because I wasn't able to put my melancholy in to words until you did.
I wish I had done more when I had the freedom, and miss the times when things were easier.
I know we're not that old, I think this one hits harder because it's the first realization that there's no more birthdays to really look forward to, no more positive age-related milestones.
Yeesh. Hope this gets easier..

Posted by: Tanya Regan at April 23, 2002 07:46 PM

Ah yes, I remember MY thirties, Of course, MY thirties were somewhat well documented in at least 79 episodes...And then there was that whole T.J. Hooker thing...I apologize for that.


Take care Wil.

WFS

Peace

Posted by: William FUCKING Shatner at April 23, 2002 07:50 PM

*Sob*

I shouldn't add to all the "I know exactly how you feel"s, but I can't help it.

It hurts, man

Posted by: larken at April 23, 2002 08:09 PM

I am 29 since this March- Married for 4 years this July but I have been with im a total of 7 years, I have Two kids- one of which is from an ex-husbend who does nothing to make my life hell-which ages me more- I am not as yet lucky enough to have a mortgage we have to pay rent for a bit longer. My oldest is 9 (10 this Oct) and it never seems to amaze me how fast she is growing. I have seen those Commercials that are those compilation albums- and All I want to do is order them not so I can torture my self of my youth and good it was but they actually remind me of some of the goals I had and have yet to fulfill.

Time moves on and we get older- but it's how we use our time Now that is important.
We think things will be great when we get older- then we get older and think Man why didn't we enjoy our youth when we were younger.

What's important is how you use your time now- Are you doing what you wanted? All I can say is Baby I am half way there, I had few bumps in the road but I am back on track.
Love- Peace- and Happiness-
Life is too short to have Regrets-

Posted by: Andie-Gypsy_girl at April 23, 2002 08:12 PM

this, while incredibly depressing, at the same time makes me so much more adamant to continue to live as i please forever ... all this 'growing up' bullshit can be left to people who actually want to do it ...

sure, i work, i have bills to pay, and all that shit, but i make sure that they sit in the background as things that may have to be done, but dont get in the way of me doing whatever i find most enjoyable with my time ... the only way you are ever going to think that you have ever 'wasted your life' is if you are somehow mistakenly made to believe that there are better things to do than whatever YOU WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW ...

and while society may do its best to impress this upon you ... you have to RESIST this thinking ... dont listen to all this 'you have to endure sometimes' and 'thats life' garbage ... all those people are just blaming their own lack of perogative on others, make your life whatever you want it to be ... the secret is not to give a shit what anyone elses thinks of what you are doing, just so long as you are doing what you wanna do ...

at any rate, thanks for the wake up call ... its all too easy to slip into the set 'business' lifestyle ... the type of life that makes you look back in 10 years and wonder where the time went ... live for the now, not for the 'what might happen' ...

Posted by: Simon at April 23, 2002 08:20 PM

hey wil,

hey cutie it's good to cry every now and then believe me i have had my share of cries to especially me who is getting the 20's blues because i be turning 20 this july so it's a bummer
i wish i could relive my childhood to myself wasnt it the best just to feel like a kid again.
but you know something wil you are a great guy and you still have your inner child within you dont forget about it every now and then it needs to come out to or else we'd go crazy......crazy.. i went crazy... i went crazy once...they threw me six feet under....the worms ate my brains .....i went crazy..crazy...and then they locked me in a rubber room but that's a whole different other story to tell. hey i wrote something on the top 10 reasons why i think you are so cute check it out unless you did and you are that colin guy everybody says you are. id be kicking my ass right now :)

Posted by: annalisa19 at April 23, 2002 08:23 PM

Guess I was lucky that my family chose not to let me get too depressed on my 30th birthday. They sent me 30 cards all telling me I was old. The funny thing is that it wasn't until I saw one of those f'ing TV ads about the 80s CD that I realized that I was now old enough for the music that I listened to in high school to be considered oldies and compilation material. My answer was to get really smashed and buy one of those CDs just to burn the son-of -a bitch. By the way, has anyone seen that last bottle of vodka?

Posted by: Patrick at April 23, 2002 09:44 PM

Wow. I've had those moments recently. I'm 27, about to be divorced, my youngest is starting school in the fall, and where did all that time go? It seems like yesterday we were cramming into my mom's car, blasting DM or Crowded House, on the way to Denny's for all night coffee sessions. Now I'm cramming the kids and all their gear into the car listening to the Bob and Tom show trying to get to work/school/practice on time. But I wouldn't trade it for a thing. Whatever issues or problems we come across, life is good, kids are great, and no matter how much effort you put into being a good parent, it's worth it, because they give you back so much more. I miss the old days, but I wouldn't go back.

Posted by: B-ness at April 23, 2002 11:16 PM

i was told i could pass for a man of 30 when i was 17, so having looked older in a way prepared me for the inevitable, i suppose, but it's still
a strange passage, really_ especially when some of the things you liked and identified most with
during your formative years are still relavent to
you_

Posted by: fab5freddykruger at April 23, 2002 11:22 PM

Got some meaningful lyrics for ya right here:

--------------------------------------------
Does she walk, does she talk
Does she come complete?
My homeroom, homeroom angel
Always brought me to my feet

She was pure like snowflakes
No-one could ever stain
The memory of my angel
Could never cause me pain

Years go by, I'm lookin' through
A girlie magazine
And there's my homeroom angel
On the pages inbetween.

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centrefold
(angel is the centrefold)

My blood runs cold
My memore has just been sold
(ner-ner-nerner-ner-ner)
Angel is the centrefold

Slippin' me notes under the desk
While I was thinkin' about her dress
I was shy, I turned away
Before she caught my eye

I was shakin' in my shoes
Whenever she'd bat those baby-blues
Something had a hold on me
When angel passed close by

Those soft, fuzzy sweaters
Too magical to touch
To see her in that negligee
Is really just too much

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centrefold
(angel is the centrefold)

My blood runs cold
My memore has just been sold
(ner-ner-nerner-ner-ner)
Angel is the centrefold

Na-na-nana-na-na
na-na-na nana na-na-na
Na-na-nana-na-na
na-na-na nana na-na-na

It's okay, I understand
This aint' no never-never land
Maybe when this issue's gone
I'll see you when your clothes are on
Take your car, yes we will
Take your care and drive it
Take you to a motel room
And take them off in private

Pardon me my soul has slipped
Angel from my mind is ripped
Oh well, guess I can't deny it
Oh yeah, I guess I gotta buy it

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
My angel is the centrefold
(angel is the centrefold)

My blood runs cold
My memore has just been sold
(ner-ner-nerner-ner-ner)
Angel is the centrefold
--------------------------------------------
Says it all, really.

Posted by: matsya at April 23, 2002 11:24 PM

And of course, by "memore" I mean "memory".

Of course.

Don't pretend you didn't work that one out yourself.

Posted by: matsya at April 23, 2002 11:26 PM

>>And you don't like my rambling post or it's tone?

"it is tone"?

Sorry, Spuds, but you put the challenge out there. You did say, though...

>>If it gets posted, you better believe I put every motherfucking character, jot, and tittle there for a reason.

If you wanna dig some holes or weed or cut branches and shit, our yard really needs it. Sunny, warm California, too.

And what's with all the song quotations? I feel I must join in.

I scream, you scream
We all scream for ice cream
Rah, rah, rah

Sorry to disturb.

Posted by: KJB at April 24, 2002 01:05 AM

Oh, come on. it's not that bad. This too will pass. These moments like to sneek up on us at the worst times, but come on, did you really just realize life was passing faster and faster than it ever did when you were a young'un?
Getting older is a shocking reality. Yeah, someday you'll be as old as your parents. Enjoy 29 while you have it and enjoy 30 while you have it, cause before too long you'll be 70 and then you'll really have something to lament about.

Posted by: Star at April 24, 2002 01:17 AM

Hey Wil.
Picture this. I'm 19 years old, in my prime years... and a few nights ago, I woke up from a dream which was set in January 2003, a month before my 20th. And I was already freaking out, in a strange way. I don't even know why it freaked me out. But I think you're holding up pretty good :)

Hugz, Kath

Posted by: Kath at April 24, 2002 02:39 AM

I'm just coming upto 26 and like will, i'm going through a phase where I just can't stop thinking about all the friends i've lost and the good old times that are long gone, I get home from work and listen to all my old faveourite 80's tracks and even found some websites with all the old cartoons/kids progs I used to watch and cherish, is anyone else feeling like this?

Posted by: Gavin Collins at April 24, 2002 03:41 AM

Let's have a black celebration,
To forget the fact,
That we've seen the back,
Of another black day.

-Martin L Gore
Depeche Mode

Posted by: - dM. at April 24, 2002 06:13 AM

Wil I feel your pain...I'm turning 31 in about 4 months and when I get feeling that ol' nostalgia blues my wallet usualy ends up 100 bucks lighter (Amazon OWNZ me)I'll end up getting this 80's movie or book or music, then I'll feel depressed. Its normal to look back and say "if I only knew then..."

Posted by: brian hunt at April 24, 2002 06:31 AM

oh to add to the last post I think the most disconcerting thing about turning 30-ish is going out for a beer with the guys seeing this REALLY hot college age girl and then realizeing or finding out that she "used to be" a buddys baby sister...oh christ getting old sux0rs

Posted by: brian hunt at April 24, 2002 06:36 AM

wow, i thought i was the only one. i recently grew out my hair for no reason i could fathom; i finally did a bit of self-analysis and realized i was striving for the 80's "cy curnin" look i had so carefully cultivated in my youth. jeez.

i'm 80ing out bad. and it's only getting worse. kids these days have NO idea what good music is.

Posted by: mike at April 24, 2002 06:41 AM

Spudnuts you are ill. Demented even. I love that in a person. Rock on!

Posted by: Nobadthing at April 24, 2002 08:12 AM

So true. So true. This aint' no never-never land.

Maysya, it is as though you had looked straight into my soul.

Now, you got any song about pirates?


Posted by: hot soup girl at April 24, 2002 08:20 AM

Aaaarrrgh.

Posted by: hot soup girl at April 24, 2002 08:23 AM

Oops. Sorry Matsya, I spelt your name wrong.

Shiver me timbers. Aaarrgh.

Posted by: hot soup girl at April 24, 2002 08:31 AM

Wil, Sounds like you've got some really good memories from what, for many, is a difficult time in life. Cherish those memories, and let them sustain rather than down you. Make a shit load of new good memories from the now. Balance, my man. Balance. And yard work.

Posted by: colin at April 24, 2002 08:49 AM

wow that was so deep and meaningfull. i know what you mean though. i have a huge age gap between me and my brothers and remember what i went through at their ages. i was growing up at the same time as u and remember similar things that went on at the time.

Posted by: lizzie at April 24, 2002 09:01 AM

http://reuters.com/news_article.jhtml?type=entertainmentnews&StoryID=869962

Posted by: balldodger at April 24, 2002 09:03 AM

I am 26 and I remember a moment in my life like it was yesterday...

I was maybe 12 or 13 and the very, very first episode of "The Wonder Years" came on. I lived on a small suburban street and my room was on the 2nd floor facing the street. I opened the window on that fall day, the sun setting with a crisp cool air blowing in the window and over my bed. I turned on the tv and watched this show about a boy my age, longing to be older, longing for a first girlfriend, a first kiss, some glimpse of what his life would grow to become. I remember getting chills from the cool fall air coming in the window and being terribly sad and excited for the future to come.

Now of course I am 26, married, and have a brand new mortgage. My life is secure, my job is a dream, my wife is amazing, everything seems so perfect.

But looking back... nothing was ever so perfect as the day I realized I had a life of choices ahead of me, experiences yet to come, a cold cool breeze blowing in a window from the fall can make you think of the future of spring.

Posted by: David at April 24, 2002 09:23 AM

And you weren't a total 100% geek to begin with?

Posted by: raethryn at April 24, 2002 09:33 AM

KJB said:

>> "it is tone"? Sorry, Spuds, but you put the challenge out there.

Eye mint too due that.

Posted by: Spudnuts at April 24, 2002 09:35 AM

WE all have crossed the gauntlet...to the victor
will go the spoils..(now whoever would want THAT
anyway?)

Posted by: bluecat/redblanket at April 24, 2002 09:46 AM

Wil:

Would you really want to relive all of the mistakes you've made? Don't be like Cher, on a recent interview, she said there was nothing good about growing older. There is something to be said about wisdom. I want to be like Orson Welles in reverse, I want to make a great movie like Citizen Kane, but not when I'm in my 20's but rather in my 60's! I will make no movie until it is time. Come on now, just because you're not a kid anymore doesn't mean you can't fly a kite!

Posted by: gil urias at April 24, 2002 10:00 AM

Wil,
You are seriously bringing the dot net down. I can understand that you feel sad because you miss your youth. But at least you have a youth to miss. You have all these great memories of family and friends and good times. Times when things were easier. Just to put things in perspective, be glad you have those memories. For many of us don't have memories of a happy youth. I'm not looking forward to 30 myself but I am looking forward to putting more time and distance between me and an unhappy childhood. For every ying, there is a yang. For every bullshit thing your wife's ex does, you have at least 7 (and I know you do) amazing, spectacular moments of love and bliss with Ann, Nolan and Ryan. So while I recognize your (and everyone's)right to have an occasional moment of self-pity, pull yourself out of it and focus on some of the incredible feats of everyday life. One of them being the creation of this funny, intelligent, emotionally connected community of people from all over.

Posted by: Patti at April 24, 2002 10:21 AM

Well, I understand, Wil. I'm 31. Wife, kid, one kid on the way. And while being grown up now has a lot of worries and responsibilities, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Yeah, my childhood was full of those lazy summer days kicking back on the lake, or trading baseball cards with pals, but man, I'm so glad to never have to date again. Or get teased in school. Or have friends turn their backs on you and make new friends. I think some of those childhood times were relatively as worrisome as paying bills and taking care of the kids, you know? I know what you mean, though. Days gone by - my mom said it best. "Those were the good old days. We just didn't know it then..."

Posted by: BeeGee at April 24, 2002 10:46 AM

~*blinks and stares*~ Wil, I don't know you... nor do I know anyone else who has posted here (Well except for Stuffie, she sent me here), but I am sitting here during my office hours, between classes with tears in my eyes after having read your post along with the majority of responses you have recieved.

Yes, embrace the future and blah blah blah... but I have been mourning the past for the past two months since my 25th birthday, since I realized that I am one of the only members of my graduating class that hasn't "settled" or simply accepted what their life path was set to. I'm not quite sure who I really am to be honest... All I know is that I feel like everyone has grown up without me, and I'm still stuck in Acedemia persuing my PhD. ~*shrugs*~ If it makes you feel any better, perhaps it isn't the age that induces the onset of nostalga, but the realization that you have lost your innocence...

Safe journies...
Dawn

Posted by: Dawn at April 24, 2002 01:17 PM

Shit Wil, I'll be 30 in October, and I know what you are going through. Just remember a few facts:

1. You are still young.

I had to ram this one home to myself, and I guess its a mid-midlife crisis of sorts. I kinda felt the same trepidation when I turned 25.

2. Don't Feel Young? Join a Gym!

I mean really, what is youth anyway? Endless amounts of energy and no responsibilities. You can at least try to get one of those things back.

3. We are Generation X. Resistance is Futile.

Don't forget that you are the very essence of generation x. Our scathing dry humour, our entreched cynism, our unique awareness of just how fucked things are around us. The difference is, now we can bring about meaningful change. I'm sure your involvement in the EFF leaves you with a superior, righteously arrogant attitude - SAVOR IT. We were right about many problems - we made our opinions heard, and now people are seeing the consquences.

4. You still LOOK YOUNG.

Isn't that really important, anyway? Thanks to advances in skin care, as well as sports medicine, etc, injuries and conditions that used to separate the old and young are blurred. If this was the 1800's, I'd be walking with a bad limp, if I was lucky to be walking at all. Instead, I can do 20 reps of 200lbs on the inverse leg press. Isn't science great?

5. You have a family.

Many people can't afford children until their mid thirties, and then miss out on so much - like grandchildren, for example. Others who do have children, usually by accident, have sealed their fates - a stop in education, taking menial, "safe" jobs, not taking any risks, really, surrendering their youth for the sake of their children. You were lucky enough not to see the potential dark side of that.

Listen,

30 is not really old. Its an abstract representation of how your body's clock synchs with others born on the same day. Granted, many people who are 30 look 40, but still, many people who are 30 look 20. Just remember: alcohol free skin balm and hi quality eye cream, and you'll look fine until your first plastic surgery.

Feel better.

Posted by: Kurt Winter at April 24, 2002 03:31 PM

Danny Elfman kicks so much ass.

Posted by: Kerrington at April 24, 2002 05:46 PM

Spudnuts said:

>>Eye mint too due that.

Gotcha, big guy.

Rock on, Spuds.

Posted by: KJB at April 24, 2002 09:58 PM

OK.

I'm going to try to keep this as brief as possible, because some of this has already come up in previous posts.

I just hit 39. Chances are my life is half over.

My life has turned out nowhere close to what I expected.

I struggle every day with that fact, and try to find a way out of it. They way out is there,but I'm too complacent/lazy/scared to take that path.

So much for the road less traveled.

I'm married with two kids, but that's no excuse. I could still follow my dreams and ensure their future. Smaller house and all that.I still have time to change. I plan to change. It gets tougher to do so every year, but it's not too late.

Here's my point, Wil. You're young. You'll always be young if you choose to be. If you're truly in a loving relationship with your wife and kids (and yes, I have a stepfather, and he is, for all practical purposes, my father), then none of this other BS matters. Don't despair. Do what's right. You'll ultimately be rewarded. Keep the faith.

Greg

Posted by: Greg at April 24, 2002 10:44 PM

Sweet, Im 4 days older then u junior.

Posted by: Mondoterrifico at April 24, 2002 11:56 PM

hey...At first I thought this was one of those 1st person fansites...but it really seems to be the real deal. So, I just wanted to say I really admire a celeb who keeps a journal/blog like a "normal person" or whatever.
I am a journaler myself. So, keep it up, it's solid reading.
...and...you have great taste. just to let you know.

Posted by: holly at April 25, 2002 01:46 AM

Well, as long as you keep your memories everythings ok.
Like many others here i´m married, one child, 28 years old and lost in the past...almost.
Live goes on and sometimes it just sucks. Being Depeche Mode Fan for 14 years now and watching Star Trek since 1984 is nothing unusual here.
We all have our problems and we all think we better not did this and that.
But why complain ? If we hadn´t done it we wouldn´t be here right now.
The Point is: We always want to be something different.
I like my past. But i don´t want it back. Not everything was easy, and so i look forward.
Believe in your dreams, some can come true.

Cheers,

Sven

Posted by: Sven at April 25, 2002 02:42 AM

Know what you mean. Just went to my old highschool two days ago. Of all the things I could think about there and remember, I believe the one I miss the most is myself.

"Of all the different prisms and myriads one can use to look at a certain reality, I believe the one I hate the most is time"

Cesar A.

Posted by: Cesar Alarcon at April 25, 2002 07:08 AM

Hey W, I've been 30 since last November and I have a step-daughter GRADUATING high school in a couple months. My step-son is almost 16 and has a driving permit, and my own daughter just turned 9. And I've been going through a lot of what you're describing... and you know what? Just knowing I'm not the only one helps a lot. Not that I thought I was the only one, but it's helpful hearing someone else say it when you feel it. Thanks for being such a badass that you can openly talk about your hyper-nostalgia, and I hope you find your funny...

Posted by: Fish at April 25, 2002 08:49 AM

First post here but I have been reading for a few months now.

I will be 30 in a year and 2 months but I feel it coming already. My wife and I have been married almost a year and now all of my buddies are getting married.

There will probably be more days like the one you described but take heart and throw in a Cure cd or a old B52's tape and jam on!

I think of how I'm done playing the dating game, get out the Atari 2600... play a lil Warlords with the fellas and throw back a few beers and every thing is okay.

Like Hannibal said... "I love it when a plan comes together."

Posted by: Brian Brassine at April 25, 2002 09:46 PM

Hey Wil,

I just read Michael J. Fox's book 'Lucky Man'. Here's a guy who has gone through all the insecurities of being an actor, who has a wife and family he loves, and who is looking back from 40 - ten years ahead of you and me.

It's pretty comforting. And funny. Even though he has a debilitating, chronic disease. Life's weird that way.

You might enjoy the book.

jw

PS Sounds like we're almost exactly the same age. It's an achievement to have got this far and to still be healthy, sane and relatively well-adjusted. This used to be maximum life-expectancy...

Posted by: jw at April 26, 2002 08:22 AM

It makes me sad that you can feel so much regret at the passing of time when you've accomplished so much. It's so surreal to read a post like this about the landmarks about your youth when you were one of the landmarks of mine. It does reassure me a little, though, because it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who looks at my life sometimes and wonders if maybe there could be anything more.

Posted by: Sabrina at April 27, 2002 09:18 AM

Y'know I spent most of my twenties dropping in and out of college, between stints of unemployment. Thanks to my girlfriend, who I met when I was 25, I actually finished my degree (even though I didn't get a job). I finally got a job when I was 29, a christmas temp (which then became permanent) in an electronics store. Believe me, I was depressed, spending the last couple months of my twenties catering to obnoxious customers and having to do the work thing.

But I survived turning 30. I never did do the things I would like to have done, but two and half years later I am 5 months from qualifying as a registered nurse. My life certainly isn't perfect, and htere are still dreams I would like to fulfil, but probably never will. But the thing is, my life IS good. I touch a lot of people's lives, and I (usually) have a positive effect on them. Sure, I see a lot of the bad things too, but I try to keep the good stuff upfront.

I guess it's no revelation to say that our own lives are often defined by the other lives we touch, and the effect we have on them. And at the end of the day, if we can say we had just one positive effect on even one other life, then we can rest easy.

OK, so maybe that's simplistic, and maybe it's naive. I don't pretend to have any easy answers to life, but this works for me :)

Posted by: Nick at April 27, 2002 05:54 PM

"Hyper-Nostalgia". Good phrase-coining.

I think everyone goes through this, at least in one way or other. Mourning Lost Youth and Innocence and All.

Unfortunately, time stops for no one, but the adjustments we have to make in the transition from Human Was to Human Being can be difficult to handle.

At least for me, anyway.

And don't sweat the alleged "washed-up" status. You're only washed up when you let yourself give up. Sometimes you're just in a holding pattern without realizing it.

Christ. I'm really not good at the "supportive" thing. I'm much better at the "cheesy" thing.

Good luck....

Posted by: patrick at April 27, 2002 10:39 PM

Wil,
First time writing here but I hope you can get down to this comment amongst all the ones above. I am a Disney employee here in Orlando and after spending 22 years with the company, I can share one thing...
It never gets old, it only gets lets apparent.

You can still enjoy all the things you have in life, no one, especially society or the status quo should ever direct your efforts or abilities.

I have many times thought about leaving the MOUSE but found that who can beat this job? It still reminds me to think young and not to be embarassed about it.
I know it may not be much but if you want to come to Orlando to enjoy the parks, please feel free to look me up.
I think we can make your time here a "moment of Zen" for you and a bonding moment for you and Ryan, and a relief for you wife to see you as the man that she STILL regards as charming and witty and youthful.
Anyway, that is my two cents... Peace!!!
Laterz,
Nick

Posted by: Nick at April 28, 2002 08:19 PM

Take it from a 45 year old man, IT NEVER ENDS! You'll always look back at your life, no matter what bullshit people tell you about "Wait til your (enter age here)".
Music of your earlier years will bring on the nostalgia and all the emotions that come with it. But it's really a good thing to look back at the good times. Times when you didn't have a care in the world (or very few).
I can't tell you how many times an old song like Pink Floyds "Ticking Away The Moments" popped up and emotions swelled up deep inside. I start thinking of the old friends and girlfriends, the old "romping grounds". The good ol' days. It's in us all. It's normal. It's a part of life, it's what makes us who we are.
And we have all thought or said "if only I could go back and change some things".
Ah, nostalgia, sweet bittersweet nostalgia......

Posted by: Tinman at April 28, 2002 09:46 PM

i know exactly what you mean.exactly.

Posted by: kim at September 23, 2002 11:44 PM

Missed this post when it was new -- I must not have been reading WWDN yet. I got all weirded out when I followed the "hypernostalgic" link and then saw Batman -- seven years ago, my first Big Paper in academia was about a phenomenon I called hypernostalgia (different meaning than the way you're using it), and the way it's reflected in Batman: http://ktepi.freeservers.com/batmanpaper.html

Wacky.

Posted by: Bill at September 25, 2002 12:30 PM

I understand that feeling of losing something, but I do not think it is so much youth as it is just the good ole days. I myself never had a youth. I had an abusive, drunkin father who cared more for the booze then his own children. My parents divorced, but still I suffered much trama and so my school career was wreaked. I was the man of the house at age 10 and I literally had to raise two brothers and a mother, who was 17 when she had me. With the events in my life you would think that I would have turned out to be one of those statistics, but in fact that was not the case. I grew stronger because my grandfather who died when I was 8 gave me a good foundation. He took the place of my father and through his teachings made me a stronger person I truely believe whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. I am now married and trying to finish my degree if I can just only get the money to live and pay the bills. But anyway to the point. I had no childhood and a few years ago (I turn 30 next year by the way) I started having those same feelings of sadness and could not quite put my finger on it. Then one day it hit me. It is not the loss of childhood nor my childhood itself that I missed, but rather the times and adventures that I had. I had a good bunch of friends and we had many adventures and many exciting times. When you are grown up you have adventures, but they are just somehow different. Maybe because when you grow up then so do your friends and without your friends the adventures seems lifeless somehow. Well perhaps lifeless is not the word, but maybe just not the same. We as humans tend to hate change, because change is a sign of growing up and growing old. Well I have took up enough of everyones time.
Dave Brown
[email protected]

Posted by: Dave Brown at October 7, 2002 06:24 PM
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