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Mirror, Mirror | Main | The Big Goodbye

May 24, 2002

Turnabout Intruder

When I come home late at night from E3, I toss my keys on the table, and say hello to Ferris.

I drop my fully-loaded "X-Box" bag-o-schwag on the floor, and sit down at my computer to check emails and make sure the website is running okay.

It's late at night, and the rest of my house is asleep. The only sound other than my typing is that soft comforting hum of the fan in my computer. The room is dark, except for the light falling off of my monitor.

He's sitting on my desk, just outside the monitor's soft glow, staring at me.

"Hey, Wesley, I've got some good news."

"You've had a change of heart, and you're going to put me in a Jello mold with Counselor Troi and Princess Leah?"

"No. First of all, Princess Leah isn't even the right scale for you --"

"Who said anything about scale? I'm articulated!"

"Do you want to hear the good news, or not?"

He sighs the perturbed yet insecure sigh of an 18 year-old. He strains his little plastic body against the twisty-tie which is holding him to his cardboard backing.


"You're way more popular that I thought. People have bid nearly 300 dollars for you on eBay! You're a hit, Crusher! They love you!"

He stops straining and looks at me, incredulous.


"Yeah! Take a look."

I pick him up and turn him to face the monitor.

"Hey, slow down, jackass. You're going to give me motion sickness."

I wonder if this is the correct doll. I wonder if I've picked up the Evil Wesley Crusher, instead. I spin him around again, and look for the tell tale goatee, but it's not there. I guess he's just cranky.

"Dude! Take it easy!"


I slowly turn him back around, and point him at the monitor. I click the URL, and show him the bidding.

"See? Isn't that cool? All this time we thought people hated us, but they like us, Wesley! They really like us!"

He is silent for a moment, and when he finally speaks, his voice is thick with emotion.

"Yeah. That's....well....that's really cool," he says, and I swear I can feel the cardboard shudder a little bit in my hands.

"Hey, Wheaton,"


"Can you just put me down on the desk for awhile? I've...uh...I think I have something in my eye."

"Are you crying, Wesley?"

"Shut up, Wheaton."

Posted by wil at May 24, 2002 09:00 AM

If I had my own action figure, I'd never leave the frickin' house.

Posted by: Rob Matsushita at May 24, 2002 09:04 AM

Thank you for being someone who has conversations with objects. Thank you for making me realize that people I was always so in awe of (um, thats you there wheaton) are really, in truth, just as geeky as me. You rawk.

Oh, and thanks for bringing yet another time using obsession into my life...I am so trying to figure out what to sell so I can go get a GPS...

Posted by: SB at May 24, 2002 09:07 AM

Hey, maybe you could sell that High Horse for little Wesley to ride on?


Posted by: Buntz at May 24, 2002 09:09 AM

I want my own action figure.

Maybe the I could finally prove I'm as funny as Wil Wheaton.


Posted by: JoshAct at May 24, 2002 09:09 AM

I like the way that Wesley doll thinks. Deanna Troi, Princess Leia, Jello.....mmmmmmmmm.
aaaaargh stop! My fanboy chromosomes are taking over!
Get a grip.
Okay, Im calm now.
Seriously, Its real cool that the little mucka is so darn popular. Although Im still worried that he's talking back....
Is that Princess Leia with the Bagel-hair, or the skimpy gold number? Or....the bounty hunter outfit?

Posted by: Fluffy at May 24, 2002 09:10 AM

It took you how many years to realize that people liked the Wesley character. Sure, there are a lot of people who disliked the character (hate mail, hate mail, hate mail), but most of them were jealous. Christ, who wouldn't be. In a Star Trek television show, acting next to Crosby, Mcfadden and Sirtis, Judd. Not to mention that depilated guy..forgot his name...Anyway, by the look of the e-bay results, you are spot on with your post. Oh, and some people like wil too. Still the coolest site I have found on the internet. Enjoy E3, I am jealous - No hate mail though.

Posted by: Nyarl at May 24, 2002 09:11 AM

Hey Wesley-Doll, you may be a costly piece of plastic ass, but you're no Sally Field.

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 24, 2002 09:12 AM

Long time no see, man! Glad things are going well.

... And you thought you'd never see your funny again.

Posted by: SlipKid at May 24, 2002 09:13 AM

Thank you Wil! I feel better now.

*sobbing inconsolably* I hear yah Wesley.

Waaaaaaaaaaahhh I mean it that story touched me, and not many usually do. Thank you Wil uhu uhu uhu.

Ok, what's next on the Ebay auction..waiting!

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 24, 2002 09:16 AM

My freind makes his own action figures by using sculpty and painting on exisiting figures.

Wil you have inspired me to make my own blog using MT and LogJammers.

Just like when I was 14 you instpired me to concider dating guys also.


Posted by: Jacob Metcalf at May 24, 2002 09:18 AM

Goddamn, Wil, that's a lot of moolah for one doll.

Sa-WEET! Maybe you should put a couple more things up for auction.

Just a thought. :)

Posted by: galestorm at May 24, 2002 09:18 AM

Hey, yeah, does Wes have any accessoires coming with him?

Who said anyone hated Wesley? He's just a character. But you, Wheaton, you created him! We hate you! It's all your fault!

And if you take one more of my jokes serious, Wil, then I'll cancel my membership and go to Burt Ward's page.

Posted by: Patty at May 24, 2002 09:19 AM

Happy for Wil, definitely finding his funny again. And for finding out that people REALLY DID like Wesley.

Sad for the "evil" Wesley figure, though... He obviously likes living with you Wil...

Rock on!

Posted by: Potch at May 24, 2002 09:21 AM

Patty LMAO. Holy Blog Nightmare, Batman! I wonder if the Burt Ward Robin action figure comes with one-touch dropping tights...
Ahhh, but where's the button??

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 24, 2002 09:21 AM

Oh, and Rob...

If you had an action figure, I'D never leave the frikkin' house... I'd be getting bitch slapped by all the people I tell, "Hey! I know this guy! I went to HS with him!"

Posted by: Potch at May 24, 2002 09:22 AM

Holy crap! Only one hour left in the auction! I must take advantage of this once in a lifetime... Oh, wait a sec, it's a dolly. I don't play with dollies.

Posted by: Woody at May 24, 2002 09:23 AM

Dude! I'd pay way more than 300 bones for a talking action figure! Suh-weet!

Posted by: ColinMochrie at May 24, 2002 09:30 AM


Does the doll ever tell you to do things? bad things?

Posted by: jodilyn at May 24, 2002 09:33 AM

hey wil,
in coming to terms with the bittersweet, awkward youth frozen in your toy, you should donate the proceeds to those who might not live into adulthood. find a children's charity. love the site.

Posted by: mgb at May 24, 2002 09:39 AM

How is it that you can write a story about talking to a piece of plastic and evoke emotions in me. Dammit!

Posted by: Pmacca01 at May 24, 2002 09:43 AM

hmph, funny, and here I thought I was the only one who personified inanimate objects as though they had real thoughts, feelings and perspectives.

This is why none of my stuffed animals I had while growing up got thrown away. And still I think back on them in a dark closet or box somewhere at my parents house, and wonder if they are lonely, or sad that they are never taken out and played with.

City Dumps and landfills are the saddest thing in the world to me....they're full of stuff that used to belong to people, stuff that kids loved once....stuff that once knew a kinder touch, a warmer, more hospitable, sheltered existance...the now unwanted things....thinking about stuff like that just makes me wanna cry.

Posted by: Cherish at May 24, 2002 09:43 AM

I would like to make a heartfelt request to everyone here. I recently googled (coz that is the only fun I have in my life!) and found that this site... *oh the horror of it all.

I mean oh gosh I can't hold it to myself any longer. I don't know how to go on...

Take a look


just look oh please help him, please help my Uncle Willy.

and to those of you who believe that this is true, need to get out more *puff

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 24, 2002 09:47 AM

Potch said: "If you had an action figure, I'D never leave the frikkin' house... I'd be getting bitch slapped by all the people I tell, "Hey! I know this guy! I went to HS with him!"

I would get bitch slapped for all the same reasons.

Speaking of action figures. I saw that there was a J. Jonah Jameson action figure yesterday.

I'm tempted to buy it, file off its hair, and put swastikas on it so's I have my own "Schillinger from Oz" action figure.

Posted by: Rob Matsushita at May 24, 2002 09:47 AM


Thanks Wil, for bringing a smile to this day. :)

Posted by: sarcastic cheese at May 24, 2002 09:49 AM

Hhahahahhahaha, you're way fun Wil! You make me laugh so hard, Hhahahhaha. You're great!

Have a nice day.

Bye, Helene

Posted by: Helene at May 24, 2002 09:50 AM

Wil..did you ever read the book about THE NEXT
GENERATION ..I think the name was THE GREATEST
CREW IN THE UNIVERSE or something similar.

ANYWAY.. in this great book the author who's
name escapes me.. states that WIL WHEATON
recived MORE fan mail than ANYONE ELSE on


Like somone else said..you are not Sally Fields.
We do love you..dummy!

Posted by: bluecat/redblanket at May 24, 2002 10:19 AM

Let me be the first to congratulate vinithehat for his winning $305 bid for the coolest action figure in the world!

Het Wil, got any more???

Posted by: Paza Luna at May 24, 2002 10:22 AM

Yes, but did the author give the proportion of "positive" fan mail to "negative" fan mail?

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 24, 2002 10:24 AM

That sweet, sweet little man.

Goddamn, he has endured SO much.

And through it all he has remained "mint-in-box."

A lesson for us all really.

Would that I could one day become HALF the man as that stoic little... well... hell... let's just come right out and say what we're all thinking... HERO.

He never did get to ride that landspeeder though.

Wil, please take some video of Li'l Wesley getting packed up and shipped. Make sure to add the appropriate contemplative, soulful soundtrack and post the video here.

I think we all want to say goodbye to Action Figure Wesley Crusher Mint-in-box in our own special way.

The video would be cathartic.

We deserve that much.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 24, 2002 10:25 AM

Yes, people really do like you. Just remember that
the next time your feelin down. :)

Posted by: angry penguin at May 24, 2002 10:25 AM


We don't like Wil Wheaton...

We like Action Figure Wesley Crusher Mint-in-box.

Let's not get crazy here.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 24, 2002 10:27 AM

Wow, 305 dollars. I wish I had that much money.
Sorry, forgot to post this last time.

Posted by: angry penguin at May 24, 2002 10:29 AM

You like to torment Wesley eh? *L* I think the two of you were always more popular than you thought. You must have taken alot of grilling by some very large assholes there for a while Wil. I was always a fan and I really look forward to the new Trek movie coming out. I hope you have a larger role in it. Seems that once Gene Roddenberry died the whole Star Trek timeline got all blurred. At any rate I think you're an ace actor and Wesley...well what can you say for him? He's just a kid right? We all should cut him some slack. : )


Posted by: MisterH at May 24, 2002 10:40 AM

Wesley Wheaton RULES!! :))

Posted by: Spanner19 at May 24, 2002 10:51 AM

You and Wesley are so fkng cool. The whole conversation thing with that Wesley doll is so wonderfully creepy, so quietly eerie . . . almost as if the doll has some dark scheme it is waiting for the right moment to enact. Maybe improv is just way more demanding, but I haven't noticed any funny-lack here.
Congrats on the eBay gig!

Posted by: thePeace at May 24, 2002 10:55 AM

What we really need is a video of Spudnuts taking out his frustration on another Wesley Crusher MIB (Albeit unsigned) action figure. Ooh, the inhumanity of it all..

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 24, 2002 11:00 AM

It took an E-Bay auction for you to figure out that you were - and still are - liked?

For a smart guy, you can be awfully slow sometimes! ;-) But we forgive you Uncle Willie!

Posted by: Frogger at May 24, 2002 11:13 AM

It talking to yourself normal? I think I hear Frodo and Gandalf in the background...

Posted by: ze-mag at May 24, 2002 11:23 AM

Hehe, what's this "they like US" bizz?

I think you know what I mean ;)

Posted by: pacman at May 24, 2002 11:24 AM

Congrats, Wesley-Doll! (Hey Wil, at least he didn't go all Talking Tina on you.)

BTW, by the time I went to bid, the Scully doll decided to take the Spike doll and run off to the Poconos (http://www.caesarspoconoresorts.com/) for the weekend.

Posted by: LittleGuy at May 24, 2002 12:07 PM


I get you, man. Really.

Posted by: Jim at May 24, 2002 12:10 PM

Wil, even though you feared that you were losing your funny a few weeks ago, you are deffinitely in the groove again. I love these Wesley conversations! :)

Posted by: Antika at May 24, 2002 12:16 PM

You know I am not quite sure who those people are that claimed to hate Wesley. I am pretty sure it was alot like everyone saying that the New Kids on the Block were gay. Anytime a guy is adored by thousands of young teenage girls, you are going to have guys saying they hate him. Do you really think you would have been asked to do so many publicity photos and interviews if your not well liked? Now having said that please stop talking to the possesed carbon copy of yourself...some of us are starting to worry about your mental health! ;) :p

Posted by: NephraTari at May 24, 2002 12:20 PM

Hey, how much of this junk do you have? And what are you going to do when your garage is empty?

Hmmmm... I wonder how much an autographed photocopy of your ass would go for on ebay...

Posted by: HandsOffMyMonkey at May 24, 2002 12:38 PM

Forget Wesley, I want a Wil Wheaton Action Figure with super Kung-Fu grip.

Accessories include: computer worstation, GPS, Ferris, PS2 and bowling shirt.

...and don't forget the George Foreman grill!

Posted by: Courtney at May 24, 2002 12:48 PM

spelling helps.


Posted by: Courtney at May 24, 2002 12:50 PM

Mint-in-box is the same as virgin, right? Then Plastic Wesley is doomed to stay in character until the end of time.

Posted by: Fred Fowler at May 24, 2002 01:04 PM

Internal Audience said:

>> What we really need is a video of Spudnuts taking out his frustration on another Wesley Crusher MIB (Albeit unsigned) action figure.

I like WC:MIB.

I wouldn't harm him.

I'd take him out for a steak dinner.

And tiramisu.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 24, 2002 02:08 PM

Thing that sucks is that we never even got to know WC:MIB and now he's gone. I would have liked to have seen a WC:MIB section on WWDN. Or "Ask WC:MIB Medical Corner." Now?

Never to be.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 24, 2002 02:12 PM

Wil, everyone knows that's NOT how you tell the evil doll from the good doll!!! The evil doll has the switch in the back switched to evil!!!! Silly!!!

I'm still disturbed that the doll is talking to you though :0/ And that you have X-Box goodies *glowers*

Posted by: EofS at May 24, 2002 02:25 PM

I'm guessing there's a whole metaphorical thing going on here. Am I right? It's either that or you really need to take a break. Cool entry though.

Posted by: Sally at May 24, 2002 02:55 PM

no offense to the dear Counsellor, but she doesn't come close to Princess Leia.


Posted by: Scott at May 24, 2002 03:13 PM

Wow I thought I was the only one with talking dolls. My Army of Darkness Bruce Campbell doll keeps wanting to do the nasty with my Elvira doll but her pimp my Freddy Kruger doll won't have any of that sh*t without cash. So Bruce and Elvira are planning on leaving my cabinet tonight but Freddy hired my Michael Myers doll to spy on them and he reported this info to Freddy and so he hired My Blade Puppet Master doll to kill them both, if Elvira does not come back quietly to Fred and Bruce has to move to the bottom shelf of my cabinet and become the bitch of Al Snow and Head my WWF action Figure. :p

Posted by: parilesemonster at May 24, 2002 05:18 PM

Hey Wil,
It's Lily.
Uh... Know I havent been here in awhile... my parents put me on ban... Anyways, thats so cool that you have a Wesley action figure... I want a wesley action figure... Ive been looking for one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really!
Cool news bout ebay!!! Thats alot of money...... Or Well, since I'm addicted to bubblegum... thats alot of gumballs!

Posted by: Lily at May 24, 2002 05:57 PM

hey wil what do you think the anus as a hole?

Posted by: hops at May 24, 2002 06:12 PM

Thank you, Wil for making me laugh today. I had a really awful day and this was a wonderful change.

Posted by: laurel at May 24, 2002 06:23 PM

::runs away donning a nomnex suit to protect him fomr the flame war thats about to erupt::
Wow wil people love you , 300 bucks insane!

How did oyu get into E3? oh wait GUH, you work for g4 LOL. man I had a lapse there. hope you scored some nice stuff.

Posted by: Pikachu at May 24, 2002 06:32 PM

Of course if it was the Troi doll, it would have broke $1,000!

Posted by: Keith in Montana at May 24, 2002 07:07 PM

I will repeat another person's comment... I'm so glad to know I'm not the only person in the world who carries on self-depracating comments with inanimate objects. It's always fun to hear your opinions of yourself from other things.

Posted by: The Goddess of the Universe at May 24, 2002 10:47 PM

I will repeat another person's comment... I'm so glad to know I'm not the only person in the world who carries on self-depracating comments with inanimate objects. It's always fun to hear your opinions of yourself from other things.

Posted by: The Goddess of the Universe at May 24, 2002 10:47 PM

Too funny ,keep it up ,Wil.

Posted by: Cline at May 25, 2002 12:16 AM

Hey Wil,

Was nice meeting ya at E3.

Tried shootin' ya an email at [email protected] but it got shot back saying that email no longer accepted email. No really Wil, I wasn't gunna stalk you, honestly. :|

Hope you had as good of a time as I.


Posted by: RevXaos at May 25, 2002 12:59 AM

First: NephraTari? The Kids In The Hall ARE gay!

Second: SpudNuts? I'm still waiting for your action figure made out of, what material was that? and toothpicks?

Finally: Wil! Made a liar out of me. I could've swore you weren't at E3 but instead out Geocaching hardcore. What I'm wondering now is this: how much of that E3 booty can we expect to become Cache Nuggets? And now that you have $305 coming to you, what new model of GPS are you shopping for?

May I suggest this awesome Meridian?

I'm personally gearing up for a Memorial Day weekend loaded with Geocaching!
If you place them, they will come!

You rock Wil. Cache On!

Posted by: RedwoodRed at May 25, 2002 01:53 AM

yeah, but.. you made the counter private.. last i looked it was at 4500 hits.

Posted by: april at May 25, 2002 02:00 AM

LOL. After reading that post, this is what I'm thinking right now:

Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?
Chris: Definitely.
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?
Chris: Yeah. But so what? Everybody's weird.


Posted by: NickW at May 25, 2002 03:17 AM

Wil, If I put my MOC WFS figures on the Bay,is there reverse bidding? In other words, what's it gonna cost me to get rid of them?
Just asking.

Posted by: moulderx1 at May 25, 2002 06:10 AM

These past two posts have been great, Wil! It IS amazing how funny and poignant you can make an inanimate plastic figure. I think your funny shows up when you're least expecting it. I hope you recognize your funny (and really good writing skills) when they materialize.

Posted by: Jenn at May 25, 2002 08:21 AM

Aaah. I remember the day I got my Wesley Crusher action figure. I was so excited! Sure, everyone thought I was a dink at the local Star Trek Fan Club (There goes Nancy, that bimbo with the crush on the weed who walks around with the fan fiction every day of her life with pictures of Wil Wheaton on her files), but I had my action figure, my laminated postcard, my magnet, my *block mounted* postcard, my huuuge Wesley poster and my hand-made shuttle-bay where all the characters sat in... including a scene imagined from the Academy, for Wesley to hang out in. I even thought that I should make him some Starfleet buddies out of modelling clay. I started with his best friend Eleanor, but only got as far as her head. So my ActionFigure!Wesley has currently got a disembodied head for a girlfriend. Scary, huh?

Erm... probably not as scary as this entire post. I've grown up now, I'm a much older, wiser and more balanced human being, yes....

[kicks the Starfleet Academy Website under the table along with her picture collections of Frodo Baggins and Elijah Wood and smiles thinly]

Oh bugger it. :P

Posted by: Nancy at May 25, 2002 08:57 AM

Hey, did anyone else look at the bidding history? It didn't become a race until the last day. Some people outbid themselves. They must be big wesley fans. Thank God it turned out to be a real dogfight in the end though. I was worried for you Wil.

On the E3 front, I was very happy to see Xbox finally getting some game love, hopefully Wil might post something on that front.

Cheers all,

- Law

Posted by: Law at May 25, 2002 09:29 AM

Ok!! I am gonna buy some sculpy or Fimo or something....you'll see...you'll see!!!

Posted by: Cherish at May 25, 2002 11:13 AM

Glad to see you found your sense of humor about the crying incident.

I could smash some puppies to see if you really toughened up.

Posted by: sfotw at May 25, 2002 11:33 AM

It's "Princess Leia" LEIA!
For the love of Christ!

Posted by: mooK at May 25, 2002 12:05 PM

Mook chill out, it's ok we know who he is talking about. You need to get a grip. You Star Wars Fiend, saying that I love Star Wars too =*.

Wil it's true a lot of people like you and not only in the U.S. but here in the U.K. It's a shame that you had to feel that way just coz some dumb A**holes knew how to use email or write letters.

Still I just wanted you to know that I was one of the thousands of fans who used to sit and watch every episode of Star Trek TNG just to get a glimpse of you.

*sigh* I miss those days when I was still young and inlove, now I'm just old and inlove.

Ok I shared too much, must dash.. toodle-oo! =P

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 25, 2002 04:59 PM

You didn't think people loved you?! I loved you since the beginning of TNG. Now I've grown up and gotten married myself and I'm still a fan. *smirks* Imagine my joy when I finally stumbled across your site. Don't worry, I'm not really a psycho fan of you...I'm a psycho fan of anime so you're safe. *L*

Posted by: Anna at May 25, 2002 06:08 PM

Hey Wil, nice to meet you :)

Now I don't mean to dicourage you, but people would probably pay 300 bucks for a signed action figure of Hitler, too (and that wouldn't mean they love him) :P (bad joke, sorry)

But seriously, I don't think anybody has ever HATED Wesley. He's just such an easy victim to pick on... Actually I think most guys pretty much envied you for being on the Enterprise's bridge (yeah, me too).

Anyway, I think it was a good idea you finally got rid of him. But did you really?

Posted by: Casval at May 25, 2002 08:24 PM

Hey Wil,

The Wesley character ascended with the beyonder(, the traveler, the vacationer) to a higher sphere. You think miniature plastic Crusher figures are a subspace ripple effect in the 21st century caused by neutrino particles?

The real burning question is what is the Wesley doll wearing under the jumpsuit? Boxers, briefs or jock?

Sure to be media buzz and you'll snicker all the way to the bank.

Posted by: Lars at May 25, 2002 10:40 PM

I just saw you in Phython, Wil... RED HAIR?????
I had trouble reconising you until I saw the firmilar Wesley-Crusher-Lip-Lick that I guess is a habit of yours!!!!
Anyways, heres some comfort for you.... I stopped watching after your character died!
You did a really neat job in it though!!!!
Hey, Dude, I don't watch Star Trek unless your in it either... and by the way, I saw 'The first Duty' episode last night...... I think I was screaming at the Tv the whole time about what a jackass Nick Laconro was..... but thats just me!
Rockin' good job, Dude!

Posted by: Lily at May 26, 2002 07:27 AM

Okay Wil,

When will you FINALLY release your first novel or something?!? Geez, I always knew you were a great actor, but man .... *lowers voice to a respectful whisper* ... you're an even better writer ;-).

Oh well, but then again it wouldn't hurt me to finally see on screen again either :-P!

Take care and STAY THE SAME :-)!

Posted by: Sabrina at May 26, 2002 08:00 AM

you rock.

Posted by: heidi at May 26, 2002 08:24 AM

thank god for ebay

Posted by: stan at May 26, 2002 09:18 AM

That was adorable! ;-) You poor guys, thinking for all these years that you were unloved. I really liked Wesley (granted, I was about 12 at the time, so you can take that with a grain of salt), and was disappointed when you and the character left the show. I just found your journal, and you're really fun to read. Keep up the good work! :-)

Posted by: ali at May 26, 2002 10:28 AM

You're on a roll, Wil. :)

Posted by: Suzanne at May 26, 2002 12:56 PM

You know Wil...sometimes I really worry about you. But hey.. I guess talkign to your own action figure is ok...

poor Wes!

Posted by: shay at May 26, 2002 12:58 PM

Wow...I haven't heard such a deep conversation with a action figure since my baby cousin made Hans Solo have AIDS! Yes...it was a tragic day because he had to explain it to Lea and Luke...
I love you Wil Wheaton...you are too cool...

Posted by: Kate at May 26, 2002 01:35 PM

Hi will, I really have enjoyed the last two entries that you have put on. The ones about the wesley doll. Please put these into a book, so i ca buy them! make sure they are on sale in england.

Posted by: Freakus Fungus - Matt at May 26, 2002 01:48 PM

I wanted to say in defence of Wil, that to be fair, he has every right to delete insulting comments, especially if the person who made those comments was not decent enough to sign it with his own name or alias.

If you didn't want your comment to be deleted then you shouldn't have pretended to be Wil, because some of the people in here thought he actually posted that himself, and that's just downright scum behaviour on your part.

So if you are as self righteous as you make yourself out to be, then sign your own comments and give your email add too if you want, don't hide behind someone else's name, then have the audacity to complain if it is deleted. You talk about rights yet you show no regard for wil's rights when you pretended to be him.

Surely you can't be that ashamed of yourself that you have to use somebody else's name. No name is ever that bad? or is it? Maybe you are having trouble finding a suitable alias, may I suggest Chicken S**t or how about another that starts with W like W**ker that way you can start as you mean to go on.

And you are right its not that hard to swap the words is it?

From I am not wil

And no, I admit I don't mind being one of the "trolls" as it were, it does not take too much time. It only takes as much time, as it takes to read a post to swap out the words in something then pretend my name is wil.

For as long as they last, the points are here to make a point: although I really don't have a point. For someone who seems to go on about rights, privacy, and so forth, I think I have no regard for anyone's but mine and have realized that censoring comments is so hurtful to me I felt the need to write this Dear John letter in this comment board. I might think of switching to a moderated style of commenting, which would keep me from having to pretend to be someone else, and it would also keep me from being a hypocritical jerk.

Send me away, please. just do.


Ok! I've said my piece. "As you were!"

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 26, 2002 03:23 PM


Posted by: Robert Berry at May 26, 2002 03:26 PM

News flash, to the idiots:

This is my site. I run it, I maintain it. I pay for it.

This is not a "public" site. If you'd read the TOS, you'd know that.

Please don't force me to complain to your ISPs about your conduct.

Just go away.

Posted by: wil at May 26, 2002 04:47 PM

I was on a romance novel cover once. Yep, for Random House. They do a studio shoot, (me falling in the arms of one handsome hunk) then an artist paints you and said hunk, adding a romantic background, in this case a big Tudor Mansion background and me with much bigger breasts.

It's had a few one way conversations with me as well, taunting me mostly in the form of slightly changed lyrics from a "Talking Heads" song.

"This is not your beautiful house,"
"This is not your beautiful man."
"My God!" (referring to breasts) "Where did you get those!?"

Posted by: Anne at May 26, 2002 06:35 PM

did you really need the $300? you should have done a charity thing.

Posted by: Jeff at May 26, 2002 07:23 PM

I was surprised I couldn't find you at E3 - I would expect Wil Wheaton would draw more attention in a building packed wall to wall with geeks :)

Just to throw in a subtle reference to your Jane White interview, guess who I did spot at E3? That's right, Gary Coleman. But you don't have to take my word for it - you can see a shot of him playing Robotech here: http://www.robotech.com/gallery/galimage/viewgalimage.php?id=254
I saw him later on in the same clothes so I can verify that's actually him. Weird.

Posted by: Corgan at May 26, 2002 10:19 PM

Wil what did you think of the enterprise finale?

I thought it rivaled picard being kidnapped by the borg.. BNTW they are playing those episodes on TNN right now.. good stuff..

Posted by: hops at May 26, 2002 10:20 PM

Hola minna!
Freaky sidenote before I launch into this post.
Did you know the hottest sunday activity for Amish Teen Boys is hanging by the freeway waving to girls?
Me neither.. frelln' funny though.

Jeff honey sweetie pie boo boo kitty- well you get the drift
I don't think any of us would mind some extra dough laying around. It's supply and demand.
Also I don't think Wil even considered that this auction would get as much game as it's got.

As for the rest of the varmin wandering the site:

This is not the Wheaton you are looking for
You should go to www.flickerstick.com

Also a quick post con PSA- low on the sleep and the sense- sorry if nothing is too funny.

Nice score Wil! $300!!!! For a toy!
As a suggestion if you can spend the money on fun stuff- go buy Black Rebel Motorcycle Club cd.
People in San Diego- check out Soulcracker at Winston's on June 1st.

"sniff snort sniff"- Ape dude checking me out
"Hey sniff all you want but keep your damn dirty paws off me Ape boy."- me

Posted by: MissKittyFantastico at May 26, 2002 10:22 PM

Hey Wil

The TV Guide here (Canada) had a special Star Trek edition the other week. Not only did they select Kirk as the all-time best Captian (eventhough if you look at the points Picard had more), but they talked a bit about the next movie, "Nemesis." and said that you're in it. Is this true?


Posted by: Chris W. at May 26, 2002 11:15 PM

Once again, much LoL-age with the freaky-talking-to-your-dolls thingy.

By the way, what IS in that so-called "X-Box" bag-o-schwag anyways?

Posted by: Brian at May 27, 2002 01:57 AM

Why do people not like you Mr. Crusher? After all, you had a cool blue jump suit for a few years and then graduated into your Star Fleet uniform. And lets not forget that your mum was the coolest Space Doc in the galaxy. Maybe the leeches from Stand By Me got in your head and not down your pants after all! I will never forget that cute sweet face you made when you popped open your pants for River Phoenix to see .... one can but dream :-)

Posted by: EquusBoy at May 27, 2002 03:14 AM

wil !

$305.00 dollars for what looks like a $5.99
original price... averages out to $5.98 per bid

or a 5,092% profit !!!!

I'd be careful there mr. wheaton... you may have
caught the money bug.... what's next?

what about some of those friendly leeches?

ja keep any from the movie???

(HBO played it again, Sunday morn at 4:30 am)

Posted by: wade at May 27, 2002 04:41 AM

That was so funny--thanks, I needed that! I think the "telltale goatee" part made it even funnier, since that joke (or variations on it) is a staple around our house (such as one time when we went to a Halloween party, and I was in costume, and my husband wasn't, he explained "I'm going as the evil Demetrius, but I shaved off my goatee to make it that much more insidious."

For some more synchronicity, our deacon talked about geocaching (which I had only first heard of here, just recently)in a sermon yesterday, and said that his wife called it "the excuse geeks need to get out and exercise".

Posted by: Renee at May 27, 2002 06:21 AM


Long story. A friend of mine came over to my place. He was was using my pc when he noticed that your address was on my favorites list. He made fun of me and I told him to grow up. I tried to explain why I enjoy your site so much. He didn't get it. Anyway, later I caught him doing a whole bunch of stuff with my pc that he wasn't suppose to be doing.

This morning my email was flooded with spam. I also noticed that I was blocked off from many of my favorite sites. Yours was one of them. However, I was able to access it with aol. I guess aol is good for something.

Please don't report me. I really do enjoy your site and don't want to be banned from it.

Posted by: chuck at May 27, 2002 07:19 AM

The immortal lines "Shut up Wheaton" will echo forever...

But I still say there are some seriously deranged people out there...

$305 for an action figure that my daughter would rip apart in 2 seconds flat!

Posted by: Scatcat at May 27, 2002 07:59 AM

how much would could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

we will never know.

Posted by: wood chuck at May 27, 2002 03:16 PM

Wil should make a new part to his website called "My Garage" and show everyone pictures of his pre-Ebay stuff.

Posted by: Linnhe at May 27, 2002 07:44 PM

Wil or anyone who gives a shit,

I have been inspired.....Or I am bored....not sure which. Either way, I have created a blog and I hope that it can be just a portion as interesting as this one! Check it out at http://www.livejournal.com/users/jessie1977/

Posted by: Jessie at May 27, 2002 09:13 PM

You really need to keep the action figure. Years from now you will regret this e-bay auction thing.

Posted by: Pam at May 27, 2002 09:35 PM

Hey pansy-ass wheaton your site was cool until you censor anyone who isn't a liberal wacko like yourself!! just another hollywood phony liberal tree-huggin' nut. go f-yourself wesley retard.

Posted by: timmy at May 27, 2002 10:49 PM

hello butt pirate, I mean sir wil. I guess anyone who comes to your site you expect to kiss your B-movie ass. you had one good movie. give it up. I'll be looking for you on the next celebrity boxing event. Wilwheaton vs. alec "the bloviator" baldwin. two liberal icons(not really,but play along)

Posted by: sillynilly at May 27, 2002 10:58 PM

this site has gone down hill quicker than wil's career!! sheeeesh

Posted by: lars, realworld london at May 27, 2002 11:01 PM

Hey wilwheaton followers i hear cousin oliver has a website!! I'll race you there, YAY.

Posted by: The Haimster at May 27, 2002 11:09 PM

WWDN: a little bit communist, alot of socialism. and a spoonful of self-importance(must be from all the french visitors)

Posted by: han solo at May 27, 2002 11:17 PM

one-sided garbage website!!!! free-speech, not in a liberals world. so tolerant. NOT!! karma's a bitch, eh willy? that's while you'll be toiling away in hollywood neverland.

Posted by: algore at May 27, 2002 11:24 PM


Posted by: gary coleman at May 27, 2002 11:31 PM

hmm is chilzor worth commenting back to?

Let me think is he worth it? hhhhmm


Posted by: B1ATCH at May 28, 2002 12:02 AM


I mean can you feel the luv or what?
Or the empty breezes coming from the ears of the latest posters?

So something got edited out. Shit, you poor little things.
And Elephant Boys and Girls across this nation have the audacity to call Liberals whinny.
This is not your personal playground- it's Wil's.
Your in his world and if he wants to swat you then you deal.

Also the laughable stabs at Wil's career.
What have you done lately?
Besides clean the trash out from underneath your mom's trailer?

It always amuses me that people seek fame more than art.
Fame is nothing but an ill side effect to a sucessful artistic endevour.

I'd rather be content working in a respected aclaimmed improv group scratching out a honest living than be JLo, or any other popculture icon.

Privacy and annommity is priceless and once lost hard to regain.

So last words to the creatins- if you don't like it- leave it.

We didn't even think about you when you were here.


Posted by: MissKittyFantastico at May 28, 2002 12:52 AM

Meow I like MissKitty!

Very much so.

Give it up for Miss Kitty.

Wil, can we please have the next post as some of the cretins (he! he! he! @chilzor) are getting pretty boring!

Can we have input, please!

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 28, 2002 02:14 AM

What I'm wondering is why [email protected] still keeps using different aliases to say what he has to say, although he never really says anything, maybe he is Schizophrenic, no offence to all the Schizophrenics I know 8-P.

At least he included his email I guess, but let's see, who wants to bet $305 that, that's not really his email add?

Chilzor or whoever you maybe? (DUH) email me your address and I'll send you a cheque so that you can set up your own site, that way you might find someone who is willing to give you some attention, let it go, go out find a hobby. The topic that you are on is as old as Einstein you an*l retentive freak!

Wil, I won't mind if you delete this as it has nothing to do with your post, and if its any consolation, the rest of us here have a lot of respect for you, this one idiot who pretends to be so many different people is exactly that, a bitter sad man/woman/tranvestite/aphrodite who took offence coz you took his comments off and now he realises how small he really is, and how unimportant his opinions really are.


"it only takes one idiot to ruin it for everyone else!" algore said to hans solo.

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 28, 2002 02:43 AM

A gentle reminder to us all:

"You agree that WIL WHEATON DOT NET may delete any information that you have posted to the site or to its users."
"If you disagree with these terms and conditions, you must immediately cease to visit the WIL WHEATON DOT NET web site"

As far as I'm concerned, Wil can censor away. I'm not going to have any hard feelings. We're guests in his (virtual) home, and he can show us his (virtual) door any time he likes. That's not denying us our (virtual) freedom of speech. There are millions of other people's (virtual) homes we can visit, and if those kids don't mind us being bitchy, that's fine. If they do, then we can buy our own (virtual) homes and invite people in.

Nice analogy.

Posted by: NickW at May 28, 2002 03:35 AM

An Oatesian thought for the day:

USA $305 = Australian $543.945

Well done Sir!

Posted by: wildoates at May 28, 2002 03:46 AM

4 days, no Wheaton.

What's the deal here, Willy? Drop us a line, let us know what's up in your world. We'll fix you up good.

Posted by: Concerned WWDNer at May 28, 2002 04:25 AM

Hey, Wil. I really hope your absence is due to a great long weekend you spent with your wife and two boys. You deserve it, hell we all deserve it. Find any great geocaches? Hope so.

I would like to address the negative comments here lately though, Wil. Since this is your site, I know you are taking them personally so I offer this. What you have created here is unique and admirable. But for every great work of art (book, painting, comedy skit), everything somebody has worked very hard to create, there are always those ready to tear it down or destroy it. It is very hard to ignore these individuals, but they are the minority, believe me.

So, I've written enough and hope you don't give up on this site, it would be regrettable and a shame.

Posted by: Nyarl at May 28, 2002 07:03 AM

I am afraid that the idiots around here are going to cause Wil to give up the blog or the comments at a minimum....I certainly hope not.

Posted by: Jessie at May 28, 2002 07:50 AM

Why is anyone ripping on Wil and reading his site at the same time? Don't you guys have anything better to do than rip on the site you are already reading? Talk about dumbasses. Wil is there anyway you can ban anyone who doesn't say anything constructive?

Posted by: hops at May 28, 2002 08:44 AM


Heard you on the radio here in good old Sacramento. I had to rush into work when they said you'd be on so I wouldn't miss it. Sounds like you're going to do some celebrity boxing *when* the Kings win (oh, there's no doubt about that, baby). You vs the Dell computer guy wouldn't be bad, but you vs. Gary Coleman would be sweet! Better start sparing...

P.S. I would have kept this with the current post, but you've been away (hopefully) having fun. Plus, I thought the others might want to know what you've been up to.

Posted by: Susie-Q at May 28, 2002 09:03 AM

Do you have a Stand by me 'Gordy' doll by any chance??? That would rock. Reckon' you could get twice as much for that!

Oh yeah, only came across this site not long ago. T'is pretty cool....

Posted by: Rosco at May 28, 2002 09:58 PM

I love your stories. This one is absolutely hilarious. : )

Posted by: Magik Spork at May 29, 2002 03:48 PM

It's been a while, but it's still funny!

Posted by: TopKnot at October 16, 2002 09:18 AM
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