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May 28, 2002

The Big Goodbye

The time has come.

I've been putting it off over the weekend, attending my best friend's wedding, going geocaching with my step-son.

But it is time. Money has changed hands, and I have an obligation to fulfill.

I pick him up from my desk, and avoid eye contact as I carry him into the dining room.

I gingerly put him down on my dining room table, and he looks like a patient about to undergo some sort of surgery. Strangely, I feel more like Doctor Giggles than Doctor Green.

He looks up at me and says, "Hey, Wheaton. What do you say you let me out of this box, and take me for a spin in your landspeeder?"

"Can't do it, Wesley. First, you're the wrong scale, and second, you don't belong to me anymore."

He doesn't reply. He knows that I'm right.

I uncap a gold paint pen, and get ready. The familiar burn of acetone and paint hits me in the face, and a series of convention memories blurs through my mind, in hyper-real Hunter S. Thompson-o-vision: I sign a plate, a photo, a poster, field a question that I don't know the answer to, politely decline the offer of a hug from a large woman in a "Spock Lives!" T-shirt. The memories race past, and I watch them with a certain amount of detachment, a spectator to my own life.

Although the places and people changed, there was little difference from one hotel convention hall to the next: The same questions, the same jokes, the same inescapable smell...the memories engulf me with a frightening and surprising lucidity. I think that I've allowed these events to drift into the distance of memory, but they come back, immediate and insisent, as if no time has passed.

He looks at me, daring me to give voice to these thoughts.

I realize that we are very interwoven, whether we like it or not, and as I open my mouth to speak, something I'd never thought of before comes into my mind: I can exist without him, but he could not, would not, does not exist without me.

Suddenly, I feel free.

I lift the pen up, and touch it to the plastic, and write what I've been asked to write:

"Vincent -

"I am sick of
following rules and regulations!

-Wil Wheaton"

It's done.

I sit back, and regard him. He's obscured by my writing, which casts a lattice-work of shadows across his face and body. The symbolism of this moment is not lost on me.

"You know, that was a cool line," he says. "Remember how cool it was to stand up to Picard?"

"Yeah. It was fun being you back then," I tell him. "I watched Code of Honor last night though. Jesus, you were a dork, man."

"That wasn't me, dude. That was Wesley Crusher, the doctor's son. I'm Cadet Crusher, the bad ass. Wesley was a dork. Cadet Crusher was cool. Need I remind you who waxed Robin Lefler's ass?"

"Why do you have to talk that way? People have a certain image of you, you know."

"Hey, they can kiss my shiny plastic ass. I have never been responsible for the things I say. I can only say what someone tells me to say. As a matter of fact, I'm not even talking now. You're putting all these words in my mouth."

"So my Tyler Durden is a 5 inch action figure? That's just perfect. At least you can't force me into some sort of Project Mayhem."

"Oh, I can't?"

I can't tell through the gold paint pen, but I think he's sizing me up.

"You're such a pussy, Wheaton. We were cool when we wore this spacesuit, and you know it. Fucking own that, boyo. If anyone has a problem with that, they can fuck all the way off. "

I'm a bit shocked to hear this come out of us.

"Uh, Wesley, you really can't talk like that."

"I just told you, it's not me. It's you, cock-knocker. Now put me in the box, and find some other cool thing to auction. I think I saw a plate in the closet."

"Why didn't we ever talk like this before? I never realized that you were cool. Really. I mean, I hated you, man."

"Yeah, you and every other insecure teenage boy. Listen, and listen good, because I'm not saying this again.

"You have always cared too fucking much what other people thought of us. Go read your stupid website, and listen to your own advice. You'll be much happier. Now put me in the box and let's get this over with."

I look at him, and a touch of sadness passes over me.

"Wesley, I have always been, and I always will be --"

"Oh Jesus H. Christ! I can't believe you were going to quote Star Trek. I am so embarrassed for you right now. Just close the fucking box and send me on my way."

I do it. I put him in the box, drop in some packing stuff and a few stickers.

We drive to the post office in silence.

I walk to the mailbox, and open it.

I think to say goodbye, but I know that Wesley won't be talking to me anymore.

I place the box on the edge, and lift it up. The box falls into darkness.

I am Wil's freedom.

Posted by wil at May 28, 2002 10:22 AM

Very cool.

Oh yea, and First Post!!

Couldn't resist. Honest, I couldn't.

Posted by: Richard Smith at May 28, 2002 10:58 AM

Man, Wil. Your behavior is more like me than my kid would like to admit. I admire your perspective(s). Lettin' go of all of OUR Wesley Crushers in life isn't easy - at least you get a few bucks out of it ;)

Be good,

Posted by: Sam at May 28, 2002 11:12 AM

Wow, that was really cool. Wesley rocked, in a geeky, now-a-cadet kind of way. Give us the heads up on that plate Wil!

Posted by: Jill at May 28, 2002 11:13 AM


Posted by: scaryduck at May 28, 2002 11:14 AM

Ok I could prolly take offense to the comment "fat woman wearing a spock shirt" but I won't. Just won't. So should I be scared of any of the action figures that are boxed up in my closet at my parent's ever talking to me?? No? good. though one of them is a Cadet Crusher mint in the box....but I am sure that the young Wesley Crusher mint in the box will have fun with him. It is like Toy Story gone wrong!*Shakes head*

Posted by: Artisticspirit at May 28, 2002 11:14 AM

what's a cock knocker?

Posted by: josie at May 28, 2002 11:16 AM

You realize you've just doubled the value of that little guy with this entry, don't you.

Posted by: Milt at May 28, 2002 11:16 AM

It's kinda cool that you have a physical representation of a part of your life that you've been uncomfortable with. I think most of us would like to take a portion of our lives, hold it in our hands, argue over it, and then send it away. :) You Rawk Wil! I've really enjoyed these dialogues.

Posted by: Antika at May 28, 2002 11:16 AM

Very cool, Wil. Very cool.

Posted by: ColinMochrie at May 28, 2002 11:17 AM

Great post, Wil...glad you've been able to put some of your "demons" aside...get on with what life has in store for you, my friend!! :o )

Take care,

Posted by: Mark at May 28, 2002 11:17 AM

Rawk on...and great Tyler Durden reference; perfect for the moment.

Posted by: Sally at May 28, 2002 11:19 AM

This was really great, Wil. You almost make me wish I would have bid on the little guy. Almost. ;)

Posted by: Brandee at May 28, 2002 11:20 AM

Congratulations Wil. That was awesome.

Posted by: Brie at May 28, 2002 11:20 AM

Um, Wil... Are you ok?

Posted by: Adam Burke at May 28, 2002 11:21 AM

I am Daejin's festering green eyed monster. Cadet Crusher's right on the money. Screw the clamoring masses calling for your head, you were on ST:TNG for crying out loud, the best and brightest of the Roddenberry franchises. It's not like you were Screech on "Saved By the Bell." Not to mention your own action figure...although it's best you've given him away to avoid the potential embarrassment of your family catching you playing with yourself.

Posted by: daejin at May 28, 2002 11:22 AM

The first rule of WWDN is: You do not talk about WWDN.

The second rule of WWDN is: You do _not_ talk about WWDN!

Wil - this series of posts has been some of the best stuff I've seen you write. I only wish I could come up with things this good for my site.

Posted by: djwudi at May 28, 2002 11:28 AM

sorry bout that, browser problem :/

Posted by: mecharossilla at May 28, 2002 11:28 AM

Very cool Dude. It's hard letting go of the past and all the baggage associated with it, but it's something we all must do, even if it means facing things that are unpleasant or moving beyond a set pattern or lifestyle because it's comfortable. Growth is always difficult, but it is the way of things. Funny that this post comes now when I am faced with a crossroads in my life, but I'll not bore you with that, or with what the voices in my head are saying about it...

Posted by: tskll at May 28, 2002 11:29 AM

This page is excellent, and I love your journal. Glad to see you're alive and funny as all hell.

Posted by: Chris at May 28, 2002 11:30 AM

Wil, is this shtick or this really bothered you
Gosh I just answered my own question, good to see ya .

Posted by: Dank at May 28, 2002 11:31 AM

Besides...having just re-acquainted myself with the first two seasons of TNG thanks to the modern miracle of DVD, I've realized two things. First off, that show was _so_ much better than I remembered (and, imho, stomps all over Enterprise, which I've stopped watching), and that Wesley wasn't nearly as bad as I remembered.

Posted by: djwudi at May 28, 2002 11:31 AM

it seems that this confrontation was a long time coming. alannis morisette said it best when she said 'life has a funny way of helping you out'...ebay'ing off all this old stuff is a very good way to finish closing up all the old wounds, I think. It seems like you agree. This one, I imagine, was the last to close off and really get down to healing. Congratulations.

Posted by: joseph at May 28, 2002 11:33 AM

Wil --

This conversation with Wesley has been... fascinating. I enjoyed it immensely, and I love your writing style. I'll never look at my Cadet Crusher action figure the same way again. (Though I think right now he's playing in a drawer with Harry Kim, Picard as a Borg and some guys from SeaQuest.)

But I was always a Wesley fan anyway.

Posted by: T. Kevin at May 28, 2002 11:36 AM

So it is done. Its all for the best. (Tries hard to be reassuring.) We will all be better people for this, even you Mr. Wheaton. Now let us all raise a toast to that demonic, yet thankfully contained, little action figure and wish him a fond farewell. This is a day of joy. Rock on Wil, rock on!

Posted by: Chuck at May 28, 2002 11:36 AM

Ira Glass is either eating this stuff up or thinking, "Shit, not another poser! F^&*@%*& give it up, Wheaton." :D

Posted by: idiosynchronic at May 28, 2002 11:39 AM

The Big Goodbye falls somewhere between Old Yeller and Shane.

Posted by: Fred Fowler at May 28, 2002 11:39 AM

Now, I will NOT put on my psychologist pants and start analyzing this... It was just a very entertaining story, that's all.

Oh, and my husband and I just finished watching the first season of TNG on DVD, and I just laughed my ass off when Wes (don't remember the episode title) declares (something along those lines) with a hardly straight face: "I will never understand what it's like to be addicted to anything. What's the point?" And Tasha Yar responds "You are very lucky Wesley..." Oh, goodness, talk about a subtle "say no to drugs" message... Maybe it's just my imagination, but it seems that Mr. Wheaton had a hard time trying not to giggle.

Posted by: SpaceCadet at May 28, 2002 11:44 AM

JUst saw a quote by David Bowie on TV. He said the "Worrying about aging is for the young" I think that today is his birthday. He is 50ish i think.

Posted by: Artisticspirit at May 28, 2002 11:45 AM

Yikes, what angst ridden inner turmoil unleashed. I say good riddance to the little foul mouthed, shiny plastic assed, impertinent, regulation hating, Lefler waxing Cadet Crusher action figure. If he only knew he was squeezed out of the same molding machine and made from the same plastic as those fake turds in a Taiwanese sweat shop, he may show you a little more respect. Fricken funny though!

Posted by: Nyarl at May 28, 2002 11:45 AM


Posted by: Spudnuts at May 28, 2002 11:49 AM

You have just restored my faith in Wesley 'the geek' Crusher. For a while there I thought he was just another 'greater than thou', fucking A suck up. But I was wrong. He swears, he shouts, he's sarcastic just like the rest of us.
Thanks man

Posted by: Sally at May 28, 2002 11:51 AM

Once again, I bow to the mighty Spudnuts.

If I ever make this stuff into a book, I want that picture.

Posted by: wil at May 28, 2002 11:52 AM

Ecdysis and integuments, that's where you are. It's not a painless process, but you don't get a new face until you shed the old one. You the man.

Posted by: Rafael at May 28, 2002 11:54 AM

"You're such a pussy, Wheaton. We were cool when we wore this spacesuit, and you know it. Fucking own that, boyo. If anyone has a problem with that, they can fuck all the way off. "


Now that we're all in agreement, can we move on?

Posted by: Alex7000 at May 28, 2002 11:55 AM

Dude, you're losing it.

Posted by: Reality at May 28, 2002 11:57 AM

Very nice. I'm glad Wesley didn't convince you to make soap out of human fat, or blow up a few buildings. :)

Posted by: Scott at May 28, 2002 11:59 AM

What a pleasant surprise this post was. From the first two paragraphs, I thought the upshot would be that the nasty little trolls and upkeep costs had made you decide to shut down the 'blog.
Horrible Visu!
Glad to see you expelling your angst in the much healthier way of playing Foul-Mouthed puppeteer (in its nicest connotations).
Way to Time Capsule the experience of your youth.

Oh, and BTW, : Spudnuts, you rock.

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 28, 2002 12:02 PM

Never has the mundane task of finding and auctioning off an item on eBay been as riveting as it has been over the past week!

Posted by: soapbox jon at May 28, 2002 12:05 PM

Welsey rocked! you know that!
The big goodbye,... you scarded me, a million things it could be... until I learned you're just being you're silly self! LOL!
Well glad you had fun... too bad that wasn't sent to me...

Posted by: Lily at May 28, 2002 12:09 PM

"Self improvement is Masturbation...

...Self destruction is the answer"

In Tyler we trust...

Great quotes Wil...that movie is brilliant.

Posted by: Chris at May 28, 2002 12:09 PM

Welsey rocked! you know that!
The big goodbye,... you scarded me, a million things it could be... until I learned you're just being you're silly self! LOL!
Well glad you had fun... too bad that wasn't sent to me...

Posted by: Lily at May 28, 2002 12:09 PM

Welsey rocked! you know that!
The big goodbye,... you scarded me, a million things it could be... until I learned you're just being you're silly self! LOL!
Well glad you had fun... too bad that wasn't sent to me...

Posted by: Lily at May 28, 2002 12:10 PM


We are told people stay in love because of chemistry,or because they remain intrigued with each other,because of many kindnesses,because of luck.But part of it has to be forgiveness and gratefulness.the understanding that although you're no bargain,you love and you are loved.Anyway.

Was Wesly so bad?You have him at a disadvantage Wil, he was only who he was with the knowledge he had at the time.It's easy to condem the past looking from the future,but without that past we would not be here today @ wilwheaton.net.

As a Brother speaking to a Brother
"I love you Wesly Crusher"


Posted by: redrhinox at May 28, 2002 12:14 PM

Wil said:

"Once again, I bow to the mighty Spudnuts.

If I ever make this stuff into a book, I want that picture."

Picture? I think you just got your title!

Posted by: Rob Matsushita at May 28, 2002 12:16 PM

The constrained dimensions of this pop-up window make my photoshop thingy all effed up. Best when viewed in a NORMAL window.


I can see doing a whole series of WC:MIB photoshop dealies.

WC:MIB on a train eating corned beef hash.

WC:MIB working on a fishing boat in the Bering Sea.

WC:MIB returning to the public eye with his new beard.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 28, 2002 12:18 PM

Cock-knocker? That's a good one. I always knew Wes was a bad ass under that Leave it to Beaver facade.

Posted by: Pmacca01 at May 28, 2002 12:25 PM

Don't forget the picture of
WC:MIB with his south street prostitute.

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 28, 2002 12:28 PM

Priceless... that's all I can say! These stories have been awesome!

Posted by: Anneke at May 28, 2002 12:35 PM

Does this mean I should start having conversations with my mail too? :)

Great post, Wil. "So my Tyler Durden is a 5 inch action figure? That's just perfect." I love that line.

And yay, Spudnuts! Excellent photo.


Posted by: Mandy at May 28, 2002 12:37 PM

I find your self evaluations amusing and
enlightening. An actor not afraid to diss himself.

Okay now when does the plate go up?

Posted by: Cscott at May 28, 2002 12:38 PM


"Need I remind you who waxed Robin Lefler's ass"

i literally fell off my damn chair when i read that line! i'm so glad i found this site! hmmm, anyone know where i would be able to obtain such action figures besides eBay?

this was truly brilliant!

Posted by: dave at May 28, 2002 12:39 PM

My jaw just hit the floor.

Posted by: Jonas Kyratzes at May 28, 2002 12:44 PM

Placing Wesley into the box and dropping him toward oblivian was for the best, now if Cadet Crusher can just transport other memorabilia from his sanctuary to ebay headquarters, we would be happy!

Posted by: ze-mag at May 28, 2002 12:54 PM

It's obviously a very strange time in Wil's life.

I look in this commentary section, and I see a lot of courage.

Posted by: Kirsten Bayes at May 28, 2002 12:56 PM

Holy Shit that was fucking funny Wil.
Well funny and touching. I just want you to know that your view of life is so much more entertaining than anything on TV. I think we need to see the "Wil Wheaton Show". I'd watch it. If Ozzy gets his own show I think you should get your own show as well. ;-)Teh Heh....

Anyway I think the book would be great. Spudnuts picture would make a great cover for it.

I liked his idea for having him doing stuff in different places. You could put one at the start of each new chapter.

I'd buy copies of that book for everyone I know. "Merry Christmas, check out Wil Wheaton."

Hope everything is going well for you otherwise. Have a great day!!!

Posted by: Stargazer at May 28, 2002 01:15 PM


"Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one...and then something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion; dark and silent and complete. I found freedom... Losing all hope was freedom."

Fucking OWN that,boyo.

Posted by: Steve at May 28, 2002 01:17 PM

Damn Wheaton...

That's some good writing...

Not just the "found my funny" type funny...this is "witty, need to understand the sub-referances" type funny and that, when done well, is infinitely more funny than standard humor.

The downside is that fewer will understand it but for those who do it's well worth it :)

I compare it to "Dennis Miller funny". (before he joined Monday night football though I admit he had a few good lines for those who understood him)

Posted by: Tim at May 28, 2002 01:17 PM

Funny, I just watched Code of Honor myself last night. I remember thinking, "You know, they really DID write shitty stuff for Wheaton, but he did a good job with it."

It also occured to me that the only reason so many folks hated Wesley was because they were jealous of him. They wanted to be there, but you got to be. You were the cool one, and like the disgruntled folks who hate the captain of the basket ball team just because he's the captain of the basketball team, their wrath was leveled on you.

You did good work. You do good work. Rock on and prosper! :D

Posted by: Clay at May 28, 2002 01:22 PM

Wow! All I can say is, "Give that man a big Hell Yeah!!" Good on you Wheaton. Good on you mi mano. You keep getting better and better.

Posted by: Phil at May 28, 2002 01:38 PM

Just here to say that Spudnuts gave me the first real laugh of the day. U R 3l33+, Spudddyboy!

Posted by: t at May 28, 2002 01:43 PM

Dude, Wesley has ALWAYS been like that for me. He gets corrupted in Starfleet Academy and goes hitting the bars in downtown sanfransisco EVERY WEEK. He nearly gets bashed up by big scary klingon guys, but his GIRLFRIEND (kinda girlfriend - it's complicated) has to save his ass cause he is a bad bad BAD fighter. Not his fault. Blame his upbringing. Stupid Picard and his pacifistic nature. It's all good though. Weee.

Posted by: Nancy at May 28, 2002 01:54 PM

'Robin Lefler's ass'. Not being a longtime startrek fan, I decided to figure out what this was about...


OH MY GOD !!! No offense to the hardcore trekies here, but... c'mon ... really...

Posted by: soundbyt at May 28, 2002 01:54 PM

'Robin Lefler's ass'. Not being a longtime startrek fan, I decided to figure out what this was about...


OH MY GOD !!! No offense to the hardcore trekies here, but... c'mon ... really...

Posted by: soundbyt at May 28, 2002 01:54 PM

Hey wil, you probably wont read this but a very cool post, I have been lurking for a few months now, ever since Entertainment Weekly posted your website, and this is the best post yet... you should be nominated for some award or something...

*stands up and claps for the performance of the mentally troubled Wil Wheaton*


Posted by: Kirthew at May 28, 2002 01:57 PM

Okay, so I meant to go check my email...But I'm addicted to WWDN. (It's really bad, I have to read the comments now too.) Love the post & thanks for mentioning the landspeeder. And Spudnuts, you definitely know where your funny is...

Posted by: ambeart at May 28, 2002 02:13 PM

*standing ovation*

Oh, well done, Wil!! ;) Definitely Pulitzer material.

Posted by: Kathy at May 28, 2002 02:15 PM

Hey Hey It's my birthday...yay yay. Sorry not drunk yet. This is one of the greatest posts I have read from you Wil and I will consider it my birthday present :) I loveeeee fight club and the references made my day. Also cock-knocker is from Stand By Me of course. I can still hear that annoying voice saying, "Cack-knacker" (it's not spose to be profane, merely accetuating the accent). So in a way you paid homage to both your past successes. Anyways I am off to eat crab and party it up with 30 of my closest friends at the pub!
I am Fallulah's Alcoholism.

Posted by: Fallulah at May 28, 2002 02:16 PM


And to think my Spudnuts crush was over

Damn you little man
and Wil as well...

That Robin line is gonna stick in my head forever

Hey Rob- Is there any way we can cordinate with Wil to have audio readings of these posts?
The voices in my head are good- but not as good as your productions.

luv and ninja burgers,


Posted by: MissKittyFantastico at May 28, 2002 02:28 PM


I'm sure the 300 bucks won't hurt either eh? :)

Posted by: JennInLubbockHasReturned at May 28, 2002 02:40 PM

"I am Wil's freedom."

You can't fool me though; Crusher was a knob, through and through. It would have been cool if there was some turning point in the show during which he became all badass like that, and had to take control of the bridge after all the high-ranking officers were somehow lost or taken hostage, and then led the ship into a huge battle with the Kardacians or something, but unfortunately he remained the same insecure coming-of-age character the writers apparently wanted him to be.

Gordie, however, was cool. Even badass.

Posted by: John Connor at May 28, 2002 02:41 PM

Hey Wil...

You know, you really do have a wonderful knack for writing. You also have a wonderful knack for introspection. Wesley as the Wil alter-ego... makes you think.

Posted by: Crystalia at May 28, 2002 02:44 PM

Wil, I would say that this one was by far your best work.

Posted by: MobbyG at May 28, 2002 02:45 PM

Hey..."other Sally"...change your name up a little, you confused the heck out of me, thinking I had posted again.

Posted by: Sally at May 28, 2002 03:00 PM

Wil Wheaton is my fucking HERO.

In the heavenly pantheon, there exists the mighty Spudnuts, with the acolyte Matsushita at his right hand.

WWDN - The Legendary Journeys and Fucked Up ToySpeak

Posted by: KJB at May 28, 2002 03:01 PM

I wish I could write about talking to a lump of plastic and make it so deep and meaningful, as well as funny. Thank you.

Posted by: NickW at May 28, 2002 03:12 PM

This strangely sounds like "Magic" with Anthony Hopkins.."Heyyyyyyyyy smuckles.."

LOL Excising Wil..

Posted by: J.C. at May 28, 2002 03:32 PM

Wheaton? Have you been this good at writing on your own website for very long? Ever since I've begun reading you semi-daily doses of introspection I have come to respect you in a way I'd never thought possible.

Now, in the evenings, while watching TNN my other family members give me strange looks. I didn't realize it, but I've been mumbling things like that whole AOL-speak phrase, "Wheaton, you RAWK!" and brain-candy, "Remember who waxed Robin Lefler's ass!". To utter these things aloud... to look at Wesley in a whole new Blue-GE bulb-type light... well, I just hope that I don't lose any friends over it, or they don't raise my rent while I'm staying at the "Big Brother" house.

Now, cough it up! What kind of cache booty did you bring home from E3!
Lori aka: RedwoodRed
"I don't get lost, I investigate alternative destinations."
GeoGadgets Team Website: http://www.geogadgets.com
Comics, Video Games and Movie Fansite: http://www.beautywithattitude.com

Posted by: RedwoodRed at May 28, 2002 03:44 PM

...in apprehension,

Posted by: Nightfly at May 28, 2002 03:44 PM

Oh, my God. That was just... well, I'm glad to know that I'm NOT crazy. Maybe my Optimus Prime really DOES talk to me. Though given what Wesley was saying... I probably should have bid on him. Granted, it wouldn't have been as fun as playing with a flesh and blood Wesley... but I gotta say the attitude will be missed.

Okay. I've been meaning to ask this Will, and I'd love to hear back from you on this: What is the latest on buying an upgrade for the pc, so that we can have our Burrito back? I probably speak for all here when I say... YOUR VOICE IS SORELY MISSED!

If it's a money issue, I think I know how you can raise it up... though you may have a cramp in your wrist when it's done. Have a dutch auction, and sell off about a thousand or so 3x5 cards with individually autographed notes? At about 10 bucks a card, and if you sold about a thousand cards, you could make an even thou, right there. Money well spent, if it gets you back on the air.


Posted by: Cartoon Beagle at May 28, 2002 03:47 PM

This my friends, is why Wil has a fuckin' posse!

Posted by: MattK at May 28, 2002 03:48 PM

Hey Wil,

Be sure to let us know if Wesley ever writes home!

Posted by: hippiewitch at May 28, 2002 03:56 PM

i see it's another 'wesley saves the universe' episode again.

congrats wil on the motion forward!

Posted by: kteela at May 28, 2002 04:05 PM

I have only recently found and read your site and I know that I have to come back. It is funny and strange all at the same time. Thank you, and take care.

Posted by: Shelly at May 28, 2002 04:06 PM

Great read, Wil! I'm happy you have found some truths. You were/are part of a wonderful story and a beautiful universe. Nothing can take that away and you should be proud. I read somewhere that Gene considered Wesley an incarnation of himself as a teenager. What a wonderful compliment to have played him. Take care.

Posted by: Linnhe at May 28, 2002 04:06 PM

MissKittyFantastico said: "Hey Rob- Is there any way we can cordinate with Wil to have audio readings of these posts?
The voices in my head are good- but not as good as your productions."

I actually considered this today, believe it or not.

KJB said: "In the heavenly pantheon, there exists the mighty Spudnuts, with the acolyte Matsushita at his right hand."

I told will and Cherish last week that I'm still not altogether sure that Spudnuts isn't MY Tyler Durden.

I mean, you never see him and me together.


Posted by: Rob Matsushita at May 28, 2002 04:48 PM

spudnutz = my hero

I'm still waiting for the Wesley bobbly weener to come out in stores. (It smells like ensign Robin Lefler) scratch n sniff.


Posted by: hops at May 28, 2002 04:54 PM

*Grins* These articles have been great Wil. And it's great to see you working through stuff, you're an inspiration to us all. Especially now 'Acting Ensign Role Model Crusher' is off our screens.

And that Lefler site is weird.

Posted by: EofS at May 28, 2002 05:05 PM

Spudnuts, that was hysterical! I love the little suitcase, nice touch.

Am I the only one that thinks Wil looks really pained in the photo on the box? Kind of like someone was stepping on his foot...

Posted by: Tanya at May 28, 2002 05:05 PM

I -love- this entry. Just for the record (and I'm sure I'm getting way too boring-ly honest here), but I originally came to this website as a funny-ha-ha "check out the geek I had a crush on when I was a Star Trek watching geek at the age of 12 or so" kind of gag. I stayed because the real Wil Wheaton is smart, funny, insightful, terribly cool, and about a million other things. I'll keep coming back -- your last few posts have really been speaking to me. Thanks for showing the rest of us a little bit about how to own our own past.

Posted by: jess at May 28, 2002 05:12 PM



And, of course, as always, Spudnuts still manages to upstage you.

Heh. Rock on, my brotha! :-)

Posted by: MrsVeteran at May 28, 2002 05:22 PM

which robin lefler site?

Posted by: hops at May 28, 2002 05:40 PM

spudnuts.... f.in hilarious photo!

Posted by: pavegirl at May 28, 2002 05:45 PM

PLEASE write some kind of book soon. Or get a sitcom or something! I couldn't imagine keeping the energy of that going as long as you did. True talent flowing from the mind of a true artistic intellectual.

Posted by: theArtist at May 28, 2002 06:56 PM

Another series of beautiful, funny and deep entries. Please write a book. Then we can all be Wil's Book Club instead of Posse (OK, never mind I guess that just doesn't sound as cool : )

Oh yah and Rob, here's another vote for more of your recreations whether Spudnuts inspired or otherwise.

And Spudnuts you are beyond words, keep it up. You help give the rest of us a left turn in reality once in awhile.

Posted by: Gaea at May 28, 2002 07:00 PM

I think it was Isaac Asimov that stressed WRITING, constantly if you want to get better (I'm sure he wasn't the only one--he's just the one I paid attention to). Dude, you are getting better and better all the time. I thoroughly enjoyed reading that, more than all that came before it. WRITE ON BROTHER!

Posted by: t e s at May 28, 2002 07:08 PM

An excellent conclusion to a wonderful story. And nothing spices up a story like a dash of truth....hmmmm....wesley should've been a black gang member, that woulda been cool. And what qoute where you going to do?

Posted by: Chris Barrett at May 28, 2002 07:34 PM

I want to be Spudnuts when I grow up. Really. Spudnuts, you rock. You deserve your OWN fan site.

I knew the whole plastic Wesley thing was therapy from Wil's first PlasticWesley post and look at him now. Crusher is THE MAN, but he'd better remember (where ever he is) that Wheaton is his god. Wheaton better remember that too.

Poor Wesley. Trying to dump Wil after Wil's dumped him. I wonder if Crusher really cried (behind Wil's back) when he left to go to his new home.

We've all got our Tyler Durdens in the closet and our toys in boxes. If only you knew what mine where...

Everybody's nuts.
Great writing, Wil. You never cease to impress me.

Posted by: Delphine at May 28, 2002 07:36 PM

you can leave the past (plastic wesley) behind...but sooner or later it will come back to you...and when it does...i hope it's a good thing...'cause it's (even the nerdiness)a part of who you are...d.burr

Posted by: d.burr at May 28, 2002 07:40 PM

Well, I really appreciate all the comments, you guys.

This has indeed been a weird few days.

Wesley is gone...but there's this plate that's been winking at me whenever I pass him ^H^H^H it by...

Posted by: wil at May 28, 2002 07:41 PM

Hey spudnuts!

Don't forget WC:MIBhaving a mid life crisis and dates a playmate doll.


Posted by: jodilyn at May 28, 2002 07:51 PM

I believe Colin said it best.......

Very cool, Wil. Very cool.

Posted by ColinMochrie at May 28, 2002 11:17 AM


Posted by: fenaray at May 28, 2002 07:55 PM

I think I see the potential for a whole line of WC:MIB "With You Always" pics....

Posted by: JSc at May 28, 2002 07:57 PM

I want to second the motion for Wil Wheaton T.V. That would be a kick ass show/station!


Posted by: Jessie at May 28, 2002 08:02 PM

Hey Wil,
I wish you would seriously think about writing a novel. They way you write...wow. You simply picked a topic and went with it. Not a lot of people can do that. It's a gift.
You made me cry, you know? And laugh. Wow, what a man!

Posted by: Helen at May 28, 2002 08:54 PM

You should definately be writing an autobiography!

Just wanted to remind you not to forget to leave feedback for the buyer! I see you haven't done so yet.

You're the man Wil. Being a couple of years younger than you/him, I always thought Wesley was kinda cool, in a naive sorta way.

Posted by: Shawn Byatt at May 28, 2002 09:18 PM

Rob- if he's your Tyler than I'm ready to be Marla.
After I negotiate with my muse I'm gonna try to work on another Spud pic.

"Wow I haven't been F'd like that since grade school"

Posted by: MissKittyFantastico at May 28, 2002 09:52 PM

thats kinda sad.. that just made me cry right there... :(

Posted by: MargieTargie at May 28, 2002 09:54 PM

This is such a cool BLOG. Can I link to you on mine?

Posted by: binkey at May 28, 2002 10:32 PM

This is such a cool BLOG. Can I link to you on mine?

Posted by: binkey at May 28, 2002 10:32 PM

I followed a link to your page and am now hopelessly addicted to WWDN!! Now I've gone geocaching and am addicted to that as well. To echo all others... I never knew other Trekkers didn't like Wesley! I never really had a problem with him. And I'm totally looking forward to ST:X to find out what he's been up to since leaving w/the Traveler. Truth be told, I've been wondering what he's been doing since the two of them left! Your posts rock!!


Posted by: Sunidesus at May 28, 2002 10:34 PM

what a bunch of sheep!!!! bah bah

Posted by: mary poppins at May 28, 2002 10:56 PM

Wow, Wow, Wow,

Most of the praises have already been said, still that post was really the best one I have read so far.

At first like Internal Audience I thought he was saying goodbye to this site. Thank God he isn't but then when he said goodbye to Wil that was just as bad.

You really are so talented Wil, the last post was like a rollercoaster for me I got scared, I cried and laughed, then I felt really sad but in the end I was content and happy, like a good book you can't put it down. *hint *hint.

Thanks Wil you make me smile everyday.

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 28, 2002 10:56 PM

b1atch, that about sums it up.wow,wow,wow

Posted by: djorde at May 28, 2002 11:00 PM

"Schizo Alert" mary poppins said to djorde.

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 28, 2002 11:08 PM

Wil, dude, if you ever do put this stuff in a book I'll buy a dozen copies and spread the Wheaton gospel. OK, that sounded disturbed... I'll give them to friends, how about that?

And Spudnuts, man, hi-friggin'-larious.

Posted by: Tim H at May 28, 2002 11:25 PM

Man I don't know where you come up with this stuff, but keep it coming, I haven't laughed or smiled like that since your last post, haha. Hope everyone had a great weekend. I had to work, but alas someone had too.

Posted by: Marie at May 28, 2002 11:33 PM


This was awesome! You are by far the coolest man in the Star Trek fraternity!!

Posted by: Paul at May 28, 2002 11:57 PM

Hey Wil,

You're not apologizing about being cast in a successful acting part which now has become blurred with a 'Hasbro' plastic image.

Are you?

The Wesley character was rather gifted, young and handsome. What's wrong with that? We're talking fiction/film here buddy.

Wil. You definately have the writer's gift. 'The Great American Novel' by Wil Wheaton. Or how about an entertaining book based on (topic) which will grab the readers interest
and keep them amused and impressed or (Trek tell all), you know. The Muse.

Writing for Conan O'Brien? Anyway, I've got ten Wesley dolls naked in my fish tank flashing the fish. Tsk tsk.


Posted by: Lars at May 29, 2002 12:49 AM

yes wil, like sally field..

we like you mr wheaton!, we realy like you!

now it's time to go hunting with the gps gadget..

(to go at least where one other has been!)

Posted by: wade at May 29, 2002 01:07 AM

Delphine said:

>> You deserve your OWN fan site.


So I can experience the privelege of paying $500 a month like our not-so-wealthy Fearless Leader? No thanks. Think I'll satisfy myself with this little RENT-FREE corner of WWDN comments, thank you very much.


Since you mentioned it (sort of), I hope everyone here realizes that TVsWW sold WC:MIB just so his monkeys could enjoy another few weeks of unlimited Soapbox, comments, and other assorted WWDN.


Wil sold his most treasured action figure just for you.

Think about that.

No man should have to sell a mint-in-box action figure of HIMSELF.

That $305 goes right to the hosting service, kids.

That's love, brothers and sisters.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 29, 2002 01:10 AM

Closure, lot to be said for it and a far, far underestimated thing. We are products of the past and really, like a pearl the future surrounds us strata by strata, but the layers are still there. Those layers shape what we are now, and are visible-know it or not.

Posted by: Tenebrae at May 29, 2002 03:23 AM

Thanks Wil!

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 29, 2002 03:27 AM

Amazing. You have a very profound way of writing. I admire it very much. This is the first time I have ever seen this site...I'm so glad I found it.

Semper Fidelis.

Posted by: Ashley Karen Mingledorff aka Nova at May 29, 2002 03:45 AM

Dude, you are so friggin messed up. Hilarious as hell, but messed up. And seriously, I don't wanna know what a plastic figurine was doing with Robin Lefler's "plastic ass".

"So my Tyler Durden is a 5 inch action figure?" *snigger*

Posted by: Briana at May 29, 2002 05:27 AM


I know you played Wesley and all, so I can can understand you waxing eloquent.....

but dude, it's a piece of frekin molded plastic in a box!!! get a grip would ya?

sorry, had to be said.

Fats (your arch nemesis )

Posted by: Fats Vernon at May 29, 2002 05:53 AM

That was just beautiful Ensign Crusher. Glad you gave that Wil Wheaton a run for his money!

Seriously, this is the first time I've found your website Wil. I must say, I'm impressed. It won't be my last visit either!

Bye for now

Andy, Nottingham, UK, Sol 3.

Posted by: Lieutenant Arbarra at May 29, 2002 06:04 AM

Great job Wil, I have to say that I agree with the others in saying that this post is among the best you've done.

You might want to consider writing a book (kinda like Shatner's 'Star Trek Memories' series, or Ninmoy's 'I am Spock') about living with Wesley. Maybe turn the whole shtick on it's ear and make it an illustrated children's book or something, told from the perspective of the Wesley action figure.

Posted by: Grey at May 29, 2002 06:34 AM

You have to love a 5 inch Tyler Durden....talk about locking up your closet before going to sleep. And I am pretty sure Cadet Wesley can take any Star Wars figure around...they can't say cock-knocker !

Posted by: James at May 29, 2002 06:50 AM


Posted by: Stavr0 at May 29, 2002 06:56 AM


Posted by: hops at May 29, 2002 07:33 AM

Stavr I am SHOCKED that they didn't get $3575 for the Wesley prototype.***faints***



Posted by: Jessie at May 29, 2002 07:41 AM

So if u r ever out in LA how would u come about meeting this "Wil Wheaton"?

Posted by: LT_Tom_Paris at May 29, 2002 07:54 AM

I walked by a US Postal vehicle yesterday and the damdest thing happened. Stand By Me was playing on the radio, but from the rear, where the parcels were stacked, I could hear a tiny muffled voice uttering phrases between the song lyrics. If I had never visited WWDN, I would never have know what the hell was going on. It sounded, if I recall correctly, something like this: The tiny muffled voice is in parenthesis.

Stand By Me (King - Leiber - Stoller)
Parenthesis :(Crusher, the bad ass.)

When the night has come
(Hey, I don't want to stay in this box any more.)
And the land is dark
(This box is cold and dark)
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid
Oh I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
(No! You suck, Wheaton!)

So darlin' darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me
(put me in a Jello mold)

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
(Hey, slow down, jackass. You're going to give me motion sickness.)
Or the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No I won't shed a tear
(I've...uh...I think I have something in my eye.)
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
(No! You suck, Wheaton!)

And darlin' darlin' stand by me
Oh stand by me
Whoa stand now, stand by me, stand by me
(Shut up, Wheaton.)

Darlin' darlin' stand by me
(I'm Cadet Crusher, the bad ass)
Oh stand by me
(Need I remind you who waxed Robin Lefler's ass?)
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me
(You suck, Wheaton!)

Whenever you're in trouble just stand by me
(Hey, they can kiss my shiny plastic ass.)
Oh stand by me
(You're such a pussy, Wheaton.)
Whoa stand now, oh stand, stand by me
(Just close the fucking box and send me on my way.)
(You suck, Wheaton!)

Posted by: Nyarl at May 29, 2002 08:10 AM

Inescapable smell. You mean that overwhelming stench of unwashed geek that pervades ever con in existence? *grin* Horrible, isn't it? :)

Posted by: Jeremy at May 29, 2002 08:20 AM


Posted by: Isaac at May 29, 2002 08:56 AM

I love this series of posts- hilfuckingarious! Just two things:

1. You played with dolls? (Princess Leah? Sounds like one of those cartoon-show dolls they had comercials for every five minutes in the 80's-though I suppose it could be one from he-man or something.)

2. If you had a bobble-head of yourself, would that make you your own yes-man?

btw, Cherish, what about the sarah mclaughlin song in toy story 2?

Posted by: dake at May 29, 2002 09:42 AM

My thought for today is from Maya Angelou. I'm not a big poetry reader but this is moving to me.I was watching tv the other day and saw something that moved me. I was watching c-span or book-tv or something like that and saw Maya Angelou at a festival of some sort. Now I have to say that I am generally not a big poetry buff. I have read some, mostly Poe, but I am being drawn to it more lately. I don't know if it was just the poem or her reading it that moved me, but either way, here it is:

By: Maya Angelou

"Still I Rise"

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Posted by: Jessie at May 29, 2002 10:20 AM

Wil, you are an insparation to us all. Keep doing what makes YOU happy.


Posted by: Chris Koerner at May 29, 2002 10:23 AM

sorry that my lead in was a bit repetitive there, i got a little copying and pasting mixed up....oops :-)

Posted by: Jessie at May 29, 2002 10:24 AM

That was my favorite post yet.

Posted by: Miel at May 29, 2002 10:32 AM

That was my favorite post yet.

Posted by: Miel at May 29, 2002 10:32 AM

You haven't mentioned the other Wesley action figures dismembered in various ways in your workshop....

Posted by: synchronicity at May 29, 2002 10:55 AM

I don't know how you do it, but your posts just keep getting better an better. I am in awe. I cannot even form the words to describe what you have just posted. I think what makes this so cool is that, in some small way, we can all relate to the struggle you have had with Wesley. There is all one thing in our lives that seems to define us, whether we like it our not. You are just the coolest Wil!!!

Posted by: Hovis at May 29, 2002 11:06 AM

Man thats a very touching moment, I was almost gonna cry. Then I saw that the BBC has a repeat of 'The Dauphin' on, and Wesley falls in love...now thats enough to warm the heart.

Don't you just find these episodes grow on ya?

Posted by: David at May 29, 2002 11:15 AM

Your Wesley conversations have been brilliant.

Posted by: Zorbs at May 29, 2002 11:23 AM

Wil -

A strange thing happened to me today. I woke up early this morning to watch your powerhouse mouthwash-drinking, Sean-Astin-butt-kissing, Louis-Gossett-Junior-hating role in that classic teenage badasses against terror movie ironically called... Toy Soldiers.

I'm beginning to think that young Ensign Crusher: Mint-In-Box is merely Jack, and YOU are his 6 foot Tyler Durden - pushing him... taunting him... forcing him to sell soap made from the waxed asses of all the little, plastic Robin Leflers of the world.

You sick bastard! Shame on you.

Posted by: Steve at May 29, 2002 11:31 AM

Wil, all three parts were great. The last one blew me away. You're a fantastic writer.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

Posted by: Jenn at May 29, 2002 11:37 AM

Awesome writing Wil. Great conversation with..uh..yerself. ;)

"Need I remind you who waxed Robin Lefler's ass?"

Laugh? Thought I'd die. Then I thought, "wish that had been ME..." ;)


Posted by: CanadianKnight at May 29, 2002 12:00 PM

Good for you Wil.

Always remember.

There is no place but here. There is no time but now.

Let the past be part of you, but don't let it control you.


Posted by: RevXaos at May 29, 2002 12:06 PM

sniff, sniff (blows nose on shirt sleave). I too now know that I couldn't be the man I am, if I were never the boy I once was.

Posted by: john at May 29, 2002 12:06 PM

Man, I gotta tell you; we all hated Ensign Crusher (the BBC just showed "The Dauphin" and I'm sorry but I had to switch off), but since coming across your site I have completely changed my opinion. It's terrible when we associate actors so much with the parts they play taht we forget that they may not actually be like that.

I say keep up the good work Wil and sell it if you got it.



Posted by: Wolfie at May 29, 2002 12:19 PM


i don't know if you're going to read this, but if you do: you are my hero. i don't know that i've ever read more intelligent, funny, provocative and insightful introspection than in your last three posts.

i'm sure commendations from a total stranger aren't worth much, but for what it is worth: you freaking rule.

yours truly,


Posted by: simon at May 29, 2002 01:07 PM

What? I've just missed Wil on BBC2? Nooooo!

Posted by: NickW at May 29, 2002 01:40 PM

i've passed through this site with fleeting fancy for the past couple weeks but only felt the need to comment on today's post. ...i must commend you on your journalistic prowess, mr. wheaton - i daresay an excellent entry. your description of the conventions make me absolutely grateful about not having been a star trek fan. phew.

Posted by: near-sighted at May 29, 2002 01:43 PM

spud = god

Posted by: hops at May 29, 2002 02:46 PM

You tell 'im, Plastic!Wesley. Cadet Crusher was a badass, and some teenagers wished they were him (only a girl, in my case). Own it, Wil. ;)

Posted by: zara at May 29, 2002 03:08 PM

wil! youre insane! and i love it!
i love you talking to your action figures! i just ignore mine! except for she-ra, coz shes the best! "FOR THE HONOR...OF GREYSKULL!!!"
poor wesley...hes so full of angst right now...i hope whoever won the bid on him is very pleased with their wesley...and i hope they can handle his bad manners!
honestly wil...how did he get that way?
oh well
i still love him

Posted by: colleen at May 29, 2002 03:12 PM

i was just listening to this song:
the chills that you spill up my back
satisfaction of what is done
the satisfaction yet to come
i couldn't ask for another
no no i couldn't ask for another!
groove is in the heart

do any of you remember?
it brought back so many memories i haven't heard that song in years!

Posted by: Hallie at May 29, 2002 04:51 PM

Spudnuts wrote:
"Think I'll satisfy myself with this little RENT-FREE corner of WWDN comments, thank you very much."

Spudnuts, Dear, NOTHING in this world is free. Oh, you pay alright.
You almost make my heart bleed for Wil. *snicker*
[Wil IS great guy and I don't dispute the significance of selling Plastic Wesley for $305 on ebay.]
Wheaton does indeed, spread the love and is a giving human being. He feeds my Soapbox addiction.
$500 / month is more than I spend in rent.

I still want to be Spudnuts when I grow up.
(or Rob. Or Wil.)

Posted by: delphine at May 29, 2002 05:07 PM

De La Soul...I did that song Karaoke style the night of my bachellorette party....thats really funny and you'd know that if you had ever heard me sing!
Grooove is in the Heeeeeaaaarrrrrrrrttttttt

Posted by: Jessie at May 29, 2002 05:12 PM


I don't know where or why, but it's flawless and needs to be seen. There's great advice in there, and it's funny too.

From a wannabe-writer to someone who knows how to do the real thing, excellent job.

Love the Fight Club references too. That movie just works on so many levels.


Posted by: Katie at May 29, 2002 05:29 PM

speaking of jessie's and groove is in the heart!

todays Jessie's birthday and thats her favorite song!

Posted by: Sam at May 29, 2002 05:38 PM

Sam........Jessie who????

Posted by: jessie at May 29, 2002 07:37 PM

I was thinking. One could read this blog entry and go..."I think Wil needs to stop talking to the toys he comes across cause well it kinda is a bit scary especially when the toy starts being nasty to it's owner."

We all knew Wesley had a bad side. Hell with being made into an annoying brat like character he was bound to come out with an attitude.

Posted by: Titus83 at May 29, 2002 08:23 PM

Hey, guys... I just happened to catch Wil in Tales From The Crypt! God, I love cable sometimes... oh, and speaking of appearances on tv... who saw Iron Chef USA tonight?

Posted by: Cartoon Beagle at May 29, 2002 09:24 PM

If I was spud I would do two chicks at once. I mean if I was as cool as spud I would have no problem getting two chicks at once. To get two chicks to double up on a guy like me I would need to be spud. Yet I have to be hops *sigh*.

Noone ever answered me about the enterprise finale :( did anyone watch it? anyone care?

*hops goes back to his dunce corner crying*

Posted by: hops at May 29, 2002 09:57 PM

hops said:

>> I mean if I was as cool as spud I would have no problem getting two chicks at once.

(rests Xbox controller on gut, wipes coffee milkshake and fig newton crumbs off Reboot boxer shorts)

You mean I could get two chicks just for Photoshopping action figures on WWDN?

Brave new world!

Imo do some sit-ups...

And maybe shave.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 29, 2002 10:08 PM

Sometimes I get girls by showing them my pentium 4 1.8ghz system :(
then they email their boyfriends on it and tell me I like being your friend hops. I say hey thanks wanna watch my DVD of Star wars episode 1? . They say no I have to go blow my boyfriend

Spud how do you do it? If I could be like spud be like spud. how often do you hit refresh spud? I do it like once every 2 minutes cuz my life isnt complete unless i see one of your neato posts.

Posted by: hops at May 29, 2002 10:19 PM

I flat out cannot bring myself to respect a person who does not refresh AT LEAST every 45-50 seconds.

Sometimes I'll refresh every 40 seconds just to see if I posted something funny when I wasn't paying attention.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 29, 2002 11:20 PM

Now that I know I can get two chicks at once though, I might start refreshing every THIRTY seconds just to see if I got laid.

Posted by: Spudnuts at May 29, 2002 11:22 PM

Hey Wil,

Did you see that? I just saw Cupid's arrow fly past me. It headed up there, towards the direction of hops and Spud. tee! hee!

Aaw I feel the love, saying that! I agree with hops, Spudnuts you are too funny, and yet you still manage to make us think about important stuff too, like Wil paying $500 a month deym that's half the mortgage I pay for this crummy house I live in, here in the U.K. I wonder if I pay half of that $500, Wil could I moved in here instead? Cherish the thought.

oh and hops I refresh every 30 seconds in the hope that something will wake me up while here at work. (hope my boss doesn't read this comments thingy)

*sigh* Oh! well guess I got to get back to work, deng it!

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 29, 2002 11:24 PM

"I am wil's freedom."
That is of course better than,
"I am wil's nipples."

WTG little willy style.


Posted by: Axeminister at May 30, 2002 12:13 AM

OMFG, you make it hard for me to even accept this. i think when it comes im never going to open the box. i cant bear to little the little fella in the eyes.
good-bye, Wesley,
hello, Wesley.


Posted by: ViniTheHat at May 30, 2002 12:15 AM

I hate making typos during spiritual moments!


Posted by: ViniTheTypo at May 30, 2002 12:16 AM


Posted by: ViniTheHat at May 30, 2002 12:24 AM

LMAO guess now we know why you spent $305 on Wesley.

It's coz you love him so , why else? DUH

You could always LOOK him in the eye and let him know.

still no post I can feel withdrawaaaaaaaaaal symptoms creeping up on me, or is that your hand Spud?

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 30, 2002 01:54 AM

If you want to leave Wesley behind, quit doing conventions and appearing with other Star Trek cast members. If you don't want to be famous abandon the field of acting and anonymous-um-fy your website. You have what most people would give their right arms for. Ought to embrace it and quit whining. My opinion.

Posted by: just me at May 30, 2002 05:48 AM

I need auto refresh.. my finger is sore and can't hit f5 :(

Posted by: hops at May 30, 2002 06:24 AM

and here i thought it was just an action figure. It's got the "supa-dlux rapper guilt grip!"

Posted by: Jen at May 30, 2002 08:05 AM

"if you want to leave Wesley behind"--I think this is more coming to terms with Wesley, which is not the same as leaving him behind.

"if you don't want to be famous"--says who?

just my opinion.


Posted by: theGirlOuside at May 30, 2002 08:13 AM

Spudnuts and Wil should write a book TOGETHOR!!

And yes Spuddy you are getting laid..right now!

Oh how quickly we forget!

Posted by: bluecat/redblanket at May 30, 2002 08:21 AM

Jenn(inLubbock)'s back! Wheee.

Hops-we're discussing the Enterprise finale in soapbox.

Posted by: Shell at May 30, 2002 08:23 AM

I don't see it in the soapbox :(
under star trek?

Posted by: hops at May 30, 2002 09:06 AM

Hey Spudnuts, are those Reboot boxer shorts like the costumes on that animated Reboot programs? You know, the ones that you tap twice in that special spot in order to rock your own world?

Tee hee.

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 30, 2002 09:10 AM

Hey wolfie, did you REALLY hate wesley, or could it maybe have actually been CRUSHER-ENVY?
Or, now that I think of it, would it be Wheaton-envy, because you'd wish you were Wil, playing Wesley?

Posted by: dake at May 30, 2002 10:20 AM

What, no Thomas Crusher figures? *cackle*

Posted by: Andy at May 30, 2002 11:36 AM

Miss Kitty said:"Rob- if he's your Tyler than I'm ready to be Marla."

There's nothing I can say to that that won't get me in dutch with the wife. ;)

Posted by: Rob Matsushita at May 30, 2002 01:24 PM

Yo dude. Hey dont stress. Life's to short. I was Watching TNG episode 'The Dauphin' yesterday and was very impressed by your acting. It must have been a really heavey responsibility and hard work for such a young guy actor. ANyway, you keep doin' good. Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!!!!! :-)

Posted by: Greg at May 30, 2002 01:45 PM

Yo dude. Hey dont stress. Life's to short. I was Watching TNG episode 'The Dauphin' yesterday and was very impressed by your acting. It must have been a really heavey responsibility and hard work for such a young guy actor. ANyway, you keep doin' good. Follow your dreams, you can reach your goals. Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!!!!! :-) By the way, Happy birthday to Colm Meaney (Chief Miles O'Brien) today (30th May)Thankyou!!!

Posted by: Greg at May 30, 2002 01:47 PM


will it to me baby...

(all puns intended)


Posted by: MissKittyFantastico at May 30, 2002 03:29 PM


Damn!! You didn't tell me among other things that you were a frikkin' web stud!

One of these days, I'm hoping to meet the wife, and I'm gonna tell her all about your cadre of groupies...

Long as you don't tell my wife about mine...


WWDN Rawks!

Posted by: Potch at May 30, 2002 03:43 PM

Spudnuts spewed:
"Sometimes I'll refresh every 40 seconds just to see if I posted something funny when I wasn't paying attention."

Gotta love a guy who responds to a troll this way. I have my own ways of sending them back to their little bridges but I'm more intimidating than funny.

Posted by: delphine at May 30, 2002 06:42 PM

Dude, can I just say THANK YOU for putting Mr. Show up on your "Watch" promo? Had NO IDEA the fools at HBO would spring for a DVD set. I've been contemplating for ages buying some godawful-pirated VCD set since I can never catch it anymore on HBO Comedy cos they figgered that farking "Arliss" deserved more air-time. I loooove the "Lie Detector" skit as the ultimate offer-acceptance exercise-- culminating in:

"Did you ever... eat an entire train piece by piece after derailing it... with your penis?"
"Yes. [beat, while others look at him incredulously] It was for charity!!"

And oh, yes, write a goddam book already, would you? Yes. You're talented. Own THAT. Thanks.

Posted by: cosmiquemuffin at May 30, 2002 07:15 PM

spudnuts is the refreshmaker.

Posted by: jbay at May 30, 2002 07:44 PM

to whoever posted way up in the thread about watching that Takes From the Crypt ...I caught that too. That was some hair cut Wil :)

Posted by: sparky at May 30, 2002 09:15 PM

damn it...hate typos. Tales from the Crypt that is.

Posted by: sparky at May 30, 2002 09:16 PM

Spud you see. I get called a troll and I never even did anything but post a message. Does my breath stink?

Posted by: hops at May 30, 2002 09:24 PM

I dunno, I woulda thought Wil would have prefered having Wesley in Crusher/Troi sandwich (yes but lets face it, crusher was not really Wil's mom, and she was hot. Hey Wil, could you auction off nudes of either Maria Sirtis or Gates McFadden? I gurantee that you would never have to work again with the amount of money you could bring in. You know some trekkie out there would give you millions!

Posted by: God- at May 30, 2002 09:49 PM


Posted by: Lisa Marie at May 30, 2002 09:59 PM

Dang it, that foul beast beat ya...

*notices that Wil never changed the comment template from default*

Posted by: admiraljustin at May 30, 2002 11:38 PM

You know Wil you have to respect anyone that
got to cry with River and pull a gun on Kiefer.

Yes yes THAT movie was on again last night.

Still one of the best of all times.

You still got it Wheaton..sir!

Posted by: bluecat-redblanket at May 31, 2002 04:44 AM

The Wesley Dialogues are your TAL Submission!

Nice Job with them.
Absolutely Rock Star Baby!

I all candor I don't know what will happen to "The Trade" as a TAL submission. I Enjoyed it and everything, but I don't know if it "feels like" a TAL submission.

But here me now. Knit this running conversation together into a 10-minute piece and you'll be getting a call from Chicago.

Your new problem will be how to keep the new legions of Wil Wheaton Dot Net fans happy after you knock the f-ing socks off them at TAL.

Great Piece, Great f-ing piece

Posted by: SugarBear at May 31, 2002 05:20 AM

Have you died or are you still depressed over Wesley leaving?
Said in a funny way, no offense meant

Posted by: Lily at May 31, 2002 07:47 AM

I'm offended by that comment..

Posted by: hops at May 31, 2002 08:10 AM

I'm on a deadline at work, (two episodes due today by 3) and I need to rewrite 3 sketches and 4 new ones by tomorrow.

Holy shit.

So WWDN isn't getting updates right now :(

Posted by: wil at May 31, 2002 09:24 AM

All I can say is it's nice to see an actor complaining about having *too much* work.

Have fun writing, Wil. We'll find some way of amusing ourselves here until you've finished. :)

Posted by: NickW at May 31, 2002 09:28 AM

Still no new post *sigh

Guess I'll just get back to work then....

Posted by: B1ATCH at May 31, 2002 09:47 AM

he just posted something. be patient you can still talk to us in here :D

this is the only chat i have at work since they cut off aim and messenger.. sux

almost time for lunch! the only pleasure i get out of a day.. lunch..

Posted by: hops at May 31, 2002 10:44 AM

You mean you get no pleasure out of conversing with us here??
Some people...

Posted by: Internal Audience at May 31, 2002 10:59 AM

only when people actually carry a conversation and answer a question you might pose.. that is a good pleasure.. doesn't happen all that often I guess.

i keep coming back so i must get some pleasure from this.
i couldn't find the enterprise chat in the soap box.. wanted to discuss that.. o well im just chat board illiterate.


Posted by: hops at May 31, 2002 12:18 PM

We are a generation of men, raised by really hot Doctors.

Posted by: Dark at June 1, 2002 01:36 AM

I want that man.

Ashley Judd had a hairy ass? Who knew?

Posted by: Jessica at June 1, 2002 02:29 AM

I really loved this post. I hope you are ok.

Posted by: Bobbie Joe at June 1, 2002 06:48 AM

I really loved this post. I hope you are ok.

Posted by: Bobbie Joe at June 1, 2002 06:48 AM

I really loved this post. I hope you are ok.

Posted by: Bobbie Joe at June 1, 2002 06:48 AM


This is the most obnoxious and arrogant post I've seen on your site!

This person invested money in this deal, in part because he appreciates your work in Star Trek, but also, I am sure, because you keep whining about how you need money and support, and that is his way of supporting you.

And here you go comparing him (ever so indirectly) to the fat woman that offers you a hug in a convention, ruining his new overpriced-by-a-good-$295 purchase with some banal cliché about regulations, and calling your new state of living off fan charity "freedom".

Try putting yourself in your customer's shoes and think about what you've done.

I think you're a great guy most of the time, this is not hate mail, please accept it as criticism from a fan and a potential customer.

Posted by: Noa at June 2, 2002 04:32 AM

Well I have read the above post twice and I still
don't get it. What DID you say?

Posted by: bluecat-redblanket at June 2, 2002 12:44 PM

*giggles* Noa, I do hope you're being a parody-character, else your existence must be utterly painful.

Wheaton! I swear to god, you've got to buy all the different Wes figures AND MAKE THEM KISS. How many of us can re-enact our childhood with the real character action figures of it?! ... Wait, that might be the problem, eh?

No matter! Action figures of yourself - in any costume, mind you, character or role - are fucking cool. And heck man, TNG was the freaking coolest. *hugs her Geordi to her chest and looks starry eyed, then grins* Childhood's supposed to be weird like that.

Posted by: M at June 2, 2002 10:21 PM

All of you are much too impressed by use of "Fight Club" quotes. Why not fous on the elements of this post that retain originality? And seriously, Robin Lefler was a cutie. Forget Tyler's rules of fight club, remember Robin's 102 rules.

Posted by: MrTwist at June 3, 2002 10:04 PM

Very funny stuff Wil. I always hated those idiots who made the DIEWESLEYCRUSHER!!DIE newsgroups back in the day. I really enjoyed the Wesley character, especially in the ep "The Game". Keep up the great humor.

Posted by: Michael J at June 4, 2002 06:00 AM

dude, let it go already...

Posted by: Gersen at June 4, 2002 08:52 AM

Dude, I thought that I was the only one that has an action figure as my 'Tyler Durden', of course mine happens to be a Boba Fett action figure that hangs, to my wife's disdain, from my rear view mirror.
Incidentally, Boba is a little more respectful and doesn't talk shit to me...

Posted by: The Eclipse at June 4, 2002 07:17 PM

Free Willy!

Posted by: Lars at June 6, 2002 02:55 PM

Wil, I don't know anything about you, but I must say, Wesley is really dumb. As the daughter of two not-recovering (unfortunately) trekkies, I am one to know. Wesley was sort of hated at my house, so it's good that you're letting that part of you go. Oh, gosh, I would, if I had been Wesley, or Leslie, or whatever.

Posted by: Janie, daughter of Trekkies at November 20, 2002 08:50 PM

hey does anyone know what is meant by this statement in FIGHT CLUB :
"Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one"
people love this line but i cant figure it out. please help

Posted by: shaun at April 14, 2003 10:48 AM


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