WIL WHEATON dot NET: Where is my mind?: lying in odessa

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March 01, 2004

lying in odessa - part three

Note: readers who are unfamiliar with hold-em rules can find them at ultimate bet dot com. Readers who are unfamiliar with poker terminology may want to read This glossary from CNN first. Or don't. I'm not the boss of you.

Part one of this story is here.
Part two of this story is here.

***

I get up, take a piss, and grab a Coke. My cell phone rings while I'm at the bar. It's my stepson, and he wants to know how I'm doing. I tell him about the 7-4, and he says, "Don't tilt, Wil."

"Too late," I say.

"Oh. That sucks. Well, don't worry about it. I'll see you when you get home. I love you."

"I love you, too." I say. We hang up.

For some reason, the conversation settles me down, and I return with new focus. I decide that I am the only person at this table who can beat me, even if the cards aren't helping me win.

I keep getting junk, so I throw away the next several hands. Mr. Lawyer busts out Mr. Magician and Mr. Webmaster. Mrs. Beautiful takes care of Mr. Agent's Assistant, and there are just five of us left at the table: Mr. Lawyer, Mrs. Funnypants, me, Mrs. Beautiful, and Mr. I'm In The Music Industry.

Finally, my cards start to come. I stick to my plan, and double through Mrs. Funnypants, the well-known comedienne. On the next hand, Mr. I'm In The Music Industry goes all-in against me with pocket tens. I've got a good chip lead on him, so I loosen up and call him with K-9. There's a king on the flop, it holds up, and I bust him out. It's the first time I've ever busted anyone out, and I feel like Howard Fucking Lederer. I sneak a look at Mr. Lawyer as I rake in the pot. He's busy shuffling his chips.

When the blinds are up to 50-100, I'm briefly the chip leader, and I tighten up again. Maybe it's not the best strategy, but . . . I'm the chip leader for the first time in my life, in my first real tournament. Where the hell is Shane?

Mr. Lawyer comes over the top of Mrs. Beautiful, all-in pre-flop. Mrs. Beautiful calls him before he's done pushing his chips in. It goes something like this:

Mr. Laywer: "I'm all i--"

Mrs. Beautiful: "Call."

Mr. Lawyer blanches, and turns over 8-9 clubs. Mrs. Beautiful flashes him a smile, and turns over KK.

"You do not have two kings!" Mr. Lawyer says. I wonder if that's his "I object!" voice.

"I'm pretty sure I do," she says. Overruled.

Mr. Lawyer stands up, and a vein throbs in his forehead. I could kiss Mrs. Beautiful right now.

He pairs his 8 on the flop, but that's it. Mrs. Beautiful sends Mr. Lawyer home.

He looks at me, and says, "I had to take my shot."

"Tough break," I say, "Guy."

Now it's his turn to shrug. "Next time. Next time."

I feel like a fucking rockstar for outlasting him.

When there are seven of us left, we take a break before we move to one table. The other players go to the bar, the bathroom, or just meander around the mostly-empty club. I walk outside and call Shane. He picks up on the first ring.

"Hey, Wil. What's up?"

"I'm at the Odessa. Where the hell are you?"

"Have you seen the news recently? I've been babysitting executives all week." He says.

"At ten o'clock on a Wednesday?"

"Yes. It's that bad. So how are you doing?"

"Better than I thought," I say. "I made it to the final table. The regulars wish your money was here."

He laughs.

"Maybe I'll play next time." I hear a voice in the background. He puts his hand over the mouthpiece, and says something back. "Look, I gotta go. Good luck."

"Thanks. Bye."

The door opens behind me, and one of the big Samoan guys raises his fist at me. I wince, until I realize that he's holding up his thumb, directing me back into the club.

"They're ready for you," he says, and walks back inside. I catch the door inches before it closes. It's incredibly heavy.

We sit down, and the cards come out. On the first hand, I bust out Mr. Circus Clown. A few hands later, I bust out Mr. Drunk Guy. Goddammit, this feels great! I work hard to keep my focus, and hope my hands don't tremble as I separate my chips into hundred dollar stacks.

The blinds go up to 100-200, and that takes care of Mrs. Funnypants, who was down to the felt when we moved. I try not to get too excited, but I'm currently one off the money. That's pretty damn cool, but there's a sobering reality: if I go out next, I have as much to show for my efforts as Mr. Lawyer, and I really fucking hate that guy.

Shortly after the blinds go up to 300-600, Mr. Director busts out Mr. I Won An Emmy, and I find myself in the money! I can't believe it!

I look at my stack: I have about 2200, I guess. Mrs. Beautiful is stacked . . . and is also the chip leader with over 4000. Mr. Director has about 1000 less than she does. He reaches into his jacket, and takes out a Camel cigarette.

"You can't smoke in here, sir," the dealer says.

"What?" Mr. Director says.

"It's against the law." The dealer says.

"We're in an illegal cardroom, and you're worried about me smoking?"

"Sorry." The dealer says. "House rules."

For a moment, I think Mr. Director is going to punch him, but he laughs.

"Fucking California," he says. We all laugh as he puts the cigarette behind his ear.

The laughter fades quickly. We all know that there is a substantial money difference between 2nd and 3rd place, so play is pretty tight. A raise before the flop is usually enough to steal the blinds. I take some chances, and grab one or two with marginal hands: 10-10, and K-7. I almost wish I would see 10-2 -- the Doyle Brunson -- so I could play it. What the hell is wrong with me?

This goes on for a while, until I look at my pocket cards and find AJ on the button. Mrs. Beautiful calls, Mr. Director checks, and I call. The flop comes J-4-7. The bet is checked to me, and I move all-in. Mrs. Beautiful looks at her cards, then to me. I take a deep breath, and look down at the board. I'm pretty sure I want at least one call, but it's still nerve-wracking. If I blow this, I go home with nothing.

She calls. It's about half her stack. Well, I got my wish . . . I think.

Mr. Director calls; it hardly makes a dent. Oh shit. Two callers? They've both got jacks. Please not a pair. Please not a pair.

Mrs beautiful turns over KJ diamonds. My hand involuntarily flies up to my chin, and pulls at the corners of my mouth.

Mr. Director turns over J9. I breathe for the first time in over a minute, stand up, and show my Ajax.

Here we go: the dealer turns a 6, and then a 3.

I won? I won! Wait . . . did I? Yes! Holy shit! I won!

I can't help it. I shout, "YES!" as I double (triple?) through, and drop Mrs. Beautiful to third. I hope I can hold on.

Posted by wil at March 1, 2004 09:55 AM

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Comments

I have no farking idea what you're talking about, but WAY TO GO!

Posted by: Andrea at March 1, 2004 11:29 AM

Aaarrgghhh!!
You're killing me. You can't stop now, what happened?????

Posted by: Fiona at March 1, 2004 11:29 AM

Good thing Mr. Director had J9, not J8...can't wait to see the next installment! (And how much of your winnings are you pledging for the TNT???)

Oh, and congrats on Mr. Lawyer getting knocked out; I know you would've liked the honor, but very sweeeet nonetheless. :)

Posted by: Roberta at March 1, 2004 11:32 AM

Wil, looks like you hit the Trifecta for excellence in poker playing, parenting, and, er...tongue in cheek self-deprecation (see "Used to be an actor" comments in Part one). You rock!

Posted by: Chris the Tiki Guy at March 1, 2004 11:32 AM

My bad...meant to type J5, not J8...that's what I get for letting myself get distracted by work. :)

Posted by: Roberta at March 1, 2004 11:33 AM

Damn, that was exciting. My heart was actually racing while reading that. Damn, that was cool. WAY TO GO WIL! For the card playing, and the great way you wrote the story.

Posted by: George Forester at March 1, 2004 11:35 AM

Yes, the poker lingo is coming fast and furious, but it fits in well with the tale...not so much of it at the start, but it's progressing as Wil is slowly turning into Mike McD from "Rounders". I'm enjoying the hell out of it. Is anyone eating Oreos? :)

Posted by: Chris Lemon at March 1, 2004 11:35 AM

Atta boy,Wil!!
Now, just get to part 4 already!

Posted by: Tommy at March 1, 2004 11:35 AM

You can't just stop like that, I've been killing myself wait for the 3rd update, and now I have to wait for the forth. Great story so far. It inspired me to watch the World Poker Tournament this weekend.

You're Pro.

Posted by: thedeadmilkman at March 1, 2004 11:36 AM

Oh man! Two callers on an all in. Love it. This is torturous waiting for the next installment. On the edge of my seat. I'm waiting for the 7-2 off suit all in on the final hand. (oh gosh, I think I'm learning the lingo.)

I find myself wondering if this is fiction or not.

My wife says I'm not allowed to play. So I can only live vicariously through you installments and televised matches. .... waiting .... :)

Posted by: anc at March 1, 2004 11:38 AM

reading this entry harks my mind back to that one ep where frakes and spiner are teaching you poker.

only sounds like you're playing much much better these days.

best of luck!

Posted by: dante at March 1, 2004 11:42 AM

I understand absolutly nothing about poker, but this story is amazing! I cant wait for the next episode! Go wil, you rock!!

Posted by: Ben at March 1, 2004 11:50 AM

yeah wil!

Posted by: mikeyp at March 1, 2004 11:50 AM

This is why I hate reading serials...I always have to wait for the next installment. Thanks for messing with me Wil!

Posted by: =^) at March 1, 2004 11:54 AM

That is some damn fine writing, Wil. You had me laughing out loud and my heart racing. I couldn't wait to get to the end of that last paragraph to find out if you had won that hand. Absolutely awesome!

Posted by: Grant at March 1, 2004 11:55 AM

Names, man... I'm dying to know who you're playing against!

Posted by: Adam at March 1, 2004 11:57 AM

Hey Wil,
I know this is off topic, but, did you catch this report on CNN.com about a study done on bloggers? It seems you are in an elite group of daily bloggers...

http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/internet/03/01/internet.blogs.ap/index.html

Posted by: =^) at March 1, 2004 12:02 PM

hey wil,
way to go! i don't really understand what was going on, but it sounded good...so YEY!!

and just as a by-note, i'm not too sure this is the place to say this, but can you please pass on my congratulations to Sean Astin for the Oscars last night. LOTR swept up...it was great...and yeah, he's still lookin mighty fine!! teehee....cheers wil,

rach

Posted by: rach at March 1, 2004 12:03 PM

This is better than Rounders. GO WIL GO!!!

Posted by: The New Guy at March 1, 2004 12:05 PM

Wil,

I really love seeing the emails that inform me when you update your blog. Some days I'm too busy to look right away, but today I saw that the next installment was in and I dropped what I was doing (good thing I'm not a heart surgeon) and checked your site. I love the story but I am dying to see how this turns out. Congrats on making it as far as you have and, though I know it doesn't help now, I'm sending all kinds of mojo your way!

Posted by: Laurie at March 1, 2004 12:11 PM

Okay, I don't get most of that jargon, but I think it's going well for you, so yay!! But you must finish the story!!!

Posted by: SarahJo at March 1, 2004 12:13 PM

Ah, come on. Tell us what happens. This is worse than to be continued.... shows. I want to know what happens.

Posted by: Jenn at March 1, 2004 12:19 PM

Will our hero be able to beat Stephen Spielberg and Catherine Zeta Jones at poker? Will he be able to save the day while still getting the girl? Can he fight off the alien menace while serving on the school board? Tune in next week--same blog time, same blog channel! (Check local listings for showtimes.)

I, too, am wondering how much is fictional. A bunch of readers were moderately embarassed by voicing concern about Wil's life when he wrote a story about a guy drowning his sorrows in a bar, which was in the "creative writing" department and thus fiction. So does the "poker" department map to "blog" department, "creative writing" department, or perhaps "real, but spiced up to make a better story as any good storyteller would do" department?

Great reading, as usual. Keep it up!

Posted by: Craig Steffen at March 1, 2004 12:22 PM

Wil, you kick ass! But I'll warn you, if you end your next post with "and then I woke up," you're in big trouble, guy. :)

Posted by: Brandon at March 1, 2004 12:24 PM

I was gonna say the same thing, I have no idea what you are saying but it sounds really cool. I guess I am going to have to learn to play poker so I can keep up :-)

Posted by: Bill at March 1, 2004 12:26 PM

I love you, Wil! Argh! That's such an awesome story! Tell us how it ends!!

Posted by: rani23 at March 1, 2004 12:27 PM

Wil,
Question about that all-in. Why didn't Mrs. Beautiful and Mr. Director have a side pot with each other if they both had chips after calling you on the flop?

Posted by: kytyn at March 1, 2004 12:31 PM

WOOOOOOOOT!!

Way to go Head Monkey!

I played with family on Sunday guess its catching....i broke even though!

hugs

Andrea x

Posted by: ANDREA at March 1, 2004 12:37 PM

Please oh please tell me Mr. Lawyer is Mark Geragos. That would make my day.

Posted by: Mr. Dark at March 1, 2004 12:40 PM

Wil, I've just seen your movie Stand By Me (1986) and I want to say it's amazing. You're an amazing actor - :)

Posted by: Todd at March 1, 2004 12:41 PM

*reads with eyes wide open*

"I hope I can hold on."

*eyes shift back and forth quickly as a confused frown forms*

What? That's it? For the love of SANITY Wil! Finish it!!!

Posted by: Veronica at March 1, 2004 12:42 PM

God dammit Wil, you're clearly killing us here! I never thought I would be on the edge of my seat, with my heart up in my throat, over a story about POKER, of all things...

Posted by: Ryan Waddell at March 1, 2004 12:45 PM

Mother Jesus Balls! Rock on, Wil! Can't wait to see how this one ends. What started out as bleak has turned into a good streak of luck. Hopefully even if you have to bow out you do so with style...

Posted by: Eric at March 1, 2004 12:46 PM

Wil,
don't even think about pulling a SpongeBob on us now. I mean it. No "if you keep reading, it [the final part] will come."

Just show us the money. Please?

Oh. And....
GO WIL!

Posted by: tjeu at March 1, 2004 12:54 PM

Excellent writing -- you've really put all of your readers at the table with you. Even if it's fictional(ized), even if you (gasp, wheeze) wind up losing, you've created real, palpable tension with just a few words.

Now if only we can get to work on some of your tells... :-)

Posted by: Mike at March 1, 2004 12:54 PM

Oh my fucking god!!! You do NOT leave me hanging like this!!! Arrrrgghghgh. Grrrrrrrr.

Posted by: The Winslow at March 1, 2004 12:57 PM

If you're wondering why your hit count is going up so much, that's me hitting the *reload* button every few seconds.

The suspense is killing me.

Posted by: Dan at March 1, 2004 01:03 PM

THIS is what happened to me with Celebrity Poker Showdown -- I was so hooked that I'd watch the previous episodes over and over, even though what I really wanted to see was the next episode.

You're doing a great job telling the story. Please finish it soon.

Posted by: Joanna at March 1, 2004 01:04 PM

Hey Wil,
You're giving your loyal readers a nasty case of blue balls. Finish up, will ya? ;)
-A.

Posted by: Amy at March 1, 2004 01:06 PM

Yep, my heart was speeding up a little too as I read that. Well played, sir! Surviving your all-in with that ace kicker against not one but two other paired jacks... well, that was just a beautiful thing.

So, please give us the next installment post-haste, King Cliffhanger... The suspense is already making me twitchy.

Posted by: Tracy at March 1, 2004 01:06 PM

Nice Leslie Nielsen-style "stacked" joke. It would have hurt my brain if you had glossed over and not taken advantage of that opportunity.

All in all, an enjoyable read. Looking forward to the next installment.

Posted by: Kenner at March 1, 2004 01:09 PM

Damn, Wil. I'm not convinced this isn't fiction, but I am convinced it's well writ. Next, please.

Posted by: James of Seattle at March 1, 2004 01:14 PM

This is why I come to your site, Wil. I have been waiting for this installment, checking the site often (to dumb to subscibe to updates). This is much better than when you go all "Sean Penn WMD speach" on us.

Posted by: Jason at March 1, 2004 01:18 PM

This is the greatest run of entries. Evar.

Posted by: anotherPokerFiend at March 1, 2004 01:22 PM

When are you going to convene the awsome-authors-who-used-to-be-actors guild? At this point the only other would-be member I can think of is Carrie Fisher.

Posted by: patrick at March 1, 2004 01:28 PM

ack! i dont care if this is fiction, or ends as a dream or anythign else anyone said. this is great writing, and i am looking quite forward to the end. and i mean that in a good way.

i was in a really intense game of uno once.

Posted by: julie reppert at March 1, 2004 01:34 PM

Wil, please...Part Four must come soon.

Posted by: ze-mag at March 1, 2004 01:36 PM

It's killing me to know what's coming up next! Oh, and it's a double Suicide Jack to not know who you are playing against that we would obviously know.

Congrats for gettin' in the money! Geez. New side-career?

Posted by: Almost Lucid at March 1, 2004 01:37 PM

Wil said...

"I can't help it.I shout,"YES!" as I double..."

Surely you shouted "YES!" AND threw the double "GOAT" \m/ \m/ no? lol

By the way,how did the table go from 5 to 7?

Posted by: redrhino at March 1, 2004 01:43 PM

Wiillll! Come on the suspense is making me feel like I wanna re-watch tonight's episode of University Challenge. Happy St. David's Day everyoneeee!

Posted by: Helen at March 1, 2004 01:55 PM

Fictional or not, I'm really loving this story. Sounds like a good first chapter to a book to me.

Bring on part four!

Posted by: Evan at March 1, 2004 02:07 PM

Illegal poker game being broadcasted over the internet? hmmm...you sure some big guys named Tony aren't going to come knocking on your door? ;)

In any case, I love the story!

Posted by: Schmitty at March 1, 2004 02:13 PM

It went from five to seven because the five referred to his table, the seven refers to the number fo players in the game. Three from Wil's table, four from the other.

Re: When there are seven of us left, we take a break before we move to one table.

Ruger

Posted by: Ruger at March 1, 2004 02:35 PM

Ah,thank's for the clarification Ruger.

Hey Wil.That phone conversation with shane would have been a good opportunity for a Phone Blog.

Next time give the OL Phone Blog a jingle while your at the game or on the run from the game with the police chasing you ;0)

Posted by: redrhino at March 1, 2004 02:47 PM

Damn! Sounds like an intense game! I've never played for money, and have always loved the idea of playing in one of those places that you describe here! I'm on the edge of my fucking seat and you string me along for ANOTHER installment?!

wanker. :-) Good luck!

Posted by: Tim at March 1, 2004 02:48 PM

My goodness, you rock. \m/

Posted by: Niki at March 1, 2004 02:54 PM

So, how does it end?!

Is Vader really Luke's father or what?!!?

The wait is going to kill me!

Posted by: Jeff at March 1, 2004 03:00 PM

Arrrrrrrrgh!

Wil, you're a not-so-secret sadist. What a marvelous story; now finish it already!

I haven't taken my poker skills beyond home and online games yet, so I'm living vicariously through these posts. Now I'm vicariously frozen between one heartbeat and the next!

Arrrrrrrgh!

Posted by: Claudia at March 1, 2004 03:04 PM

Wow.

Let me just say I'm a lazy fsck who refuses to click on the links at the top, I don't understand a single thing about the gameplay, but Wil.... THIS IS INTENSE!

If you do end up publishing this story in the end (YOU SHOULD!) I'd recommend just going without any terminology. It's entertaining as someone whose entire poker experience comes from watching Riker.

Posted by: Ebb Omega at March 1, 2004 03:31 PM

I have a regular meet in vegas. first friday each month. Started Nov 03. Been to them all, and love it so much. It is so freakin cool! very manly! very adult like. Very underground. We play at different locations each time, someones house. Not as cool as an alley, but we have the felt, the blinds, the card sorter, the throwaway thingy, etc. There is a core group of 7 of us and we have a few 'suckas' each week. heh. Winner takes pot, chips cash out for cash at end of night for whoever is left standing. We have a 1am cut off, if at least 3 people are still in, otherwise go to the bitter end. Buy-ins allowed when the blinds raise, all goes to the big pot. uhm, that's all I can think of for now. What Wil is describing is so much fun, and so tense at the same time. If you get a chance to go to one of these, do it, it is so cool.

I refered to Wil in the first person (there, I did it again!). I can do that because I have a signed Dancing Barefoot. hah!

JON

Posted by: jon at March 1, 2004 03:52 PM

Yeah, Wil, you tripled through them, but that doesn't explain why you turned over your cards when both of your opponents still had chips. Or why "Mrs. Beautiful calls, Mr. Director checks, and [you] call" (presumably in that order) when you were under the gun pre-flop. But I'm sure we can just attribute those mistakes to memories clouded by adrenaline, right? :-)

Posted by: Joe at March 1, 2004 04:12 PM

D'OH!

You're right, Joe. In the haze of my memory, and all the excitement, I recalled that incorrectly. We didn't showdown until the end. Because I was all-in, I honestly don't recall if there was a side-pot, or not. All I was thinking about was "Please hold up. Please hold up. Please hold up!"

Posted by: wil at March 1, 2004 04:25 PM

Great story,man, truly awe inspiring

Posted by: emilym at March 1, 2004 04:27 PM

Loved the "No Smoking" bit.

Posted by: MasonK at March 1, 2004 04:38 PM

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Yea, Wil!!!

Posted by: Chuck Stillwell at March 1, 2004 04:40 PM

WOW!!! More, more!!!
Lis from Aus :)

Posted by: Lis at March 1, 2004 05:05 PM

To Rach in New Jersey:

Glad to see you're back with us. Wil is a tremendous guy. He can't respond to everybody who makes a comment; he has never responded to me,
but that's o.k.

to Wil:

Hope you share a little of your winnings with
Stinky at Starbucks--third request.

Freeman.

Posted by: Freeman in Louisiana at March 1, 2004 05:11 PM

Damn you Wheaton! How many installments are there going to be?? How long are you going to string us along, you BASTARD??

*taps foot impatiently waiting for part 4*

Oh yeah, congrats on the win. I think I would have jumped up and shouted "YES!" myself.

Posted by: Dave Westbay at March 1, 2004 05:37 PM

I love it.

But I think you should stretch out that last hand a little bit more, it is over too fast. Tell us what you were thinking before you went all in. What were the straight or flush possibilities? How did you read the other players? Give us more internal dialog, cause that is what you are best at. Then when you know you have the best hand, what are you thinking? Are you worried about one of them getting a second pair on pure luck? Are you counting straight possibilities? Are you pacing back and forth or just sitting motionless staring at the dealer? More. I want some more.

Posted by: phriedom at March 1, 2004 05:55 PM

card shark wil -- nothing more to say

Posted by: Nags at March 1, 2004 06:33 PM

First, in the movie in my mind, there was a perceptible pause in the middle of this line:

"Tough break," I say, "Guy."

Beautiful, just beautiful.

Second, it's tough getting called twice on your all-in. Winning a multi-way pot is always more difficult. However, you were in pretty good shape...

Post flop you were about a 70-75% favorite (although I don't know the exact suits, so I'm guessing a bit). After the turn, you were a whopping 86% favorite. Well played.

Posted by: CJ at March 1, 2004 07:31 PM

Awesome game and awesome story, I'm on the edge of my chair and can't wait to finish it. Tell me if(when?), did you do a little happy dance?

Posted by: Mike at March 1, 2004 07:36 PM

This is better than a suspense novel!! Don't stop now! You gotta' tell us the rest!

Posted by: Laura at March 1, 2004 07:39 PM

Wil

If you don't know it already, you have turned into a great writer. Congratulations. I hope to follow you to that moniker.

Can't wait for part 4.

Posted by: Sarah Beckley at March 1, 2004 07:45 PM

yaaarghhh..i've been waiting all weekend for the next part...please please post tomorrow so my brain doesn't melt!!!

Posted by: erika at March 1, 2004 08:02 PM

I don't know shit about poker and I didn't read any of those guides, but I'm loving this story. Even though almost all of the poker lingo flies right by me, the tension is palatable (or some other hackneyed cliche). I almost clapped when you outlasted Mr. Lawyer. Can't wait for the next part Wil.

Posted by: Hughski at March 1, 2004 08:06 PM

This story is great, Wil. I'm loving it, and as are the others, anxiously awaiting the next part.

On a related note, I watched a marathon of the 2003 World Poker Championships(or called something like that) on TV with my parents back in January I think, and it was pretty cool watching poker with my mom and dad, and having my mom enjoy it as much as I normally do when I watch it alone.

Just a cool family moment from me to go with your cool story. :)

Posted by: Fee at March 1, 2004 08:07 PM

Wow, I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens. I'm hoping for the "Wil Wins!" story rather than the "Wil goes all in with pocket aces... and loses" story.

Posted by: FriarEriner at March 1, 2004 08:30 PM

This storyline is just getting better and better. Totally awesome man. The suspense is killing me.

Great stuff.

Cheers,

Lasz

Posted by: Laszarus at March 1, 2004 08:59 PM

I love a good poker story. Every hand is full of suspense.

I had some poker success last weekend. I entered an online freerole tournament. Out of 649 people, I end up #1 winning $15. Free money is the best kind.

I take $3 and buy myself into another tournament with ~45 entrants. I end up taking first again for another $58.

Winning the freerole qualified me for another tournament (~500 entrants). The top 27 paid. I am short stacked and close to the money. In the big blind, I watch everybody fold except for a tall stack just to the right of the button. The button and both blinds are small stacks, so I figure he's stealing the blinds. I call (all in) with king high. He's got aces. I finish 28th, one from the money. Worst call ever.

"I forgot the cardinal f@!#$@@# rule...always leave yourself outs." - Rounders

Posted by: Squeek at March 1, 2004 09:18 PM

Wil,
What a story. I am glad that I don't play. What a game. What a game.

FABIAN

Posted by: Fabian at March 1, 2004 10:48 PM

Well Wil, whether this actually happened or not, you really are a writer, and I don't just mean some dorky kid who got a degree from some Ivy League school... you really got a talent. You have no idea how envious I am of you. Keep up the good work and best of luck.

Posted by: Vinod at March 1, 2004 10:56 PM

I am thoroughly enjoying this tale.

Posted by: Laura Lu at March 1, 2004 11:15 PM

Okay, Wil, I'm convinced: Who do we have to kill to get you on Celebrity Poker whenever Bravo decides to run another tournament? I'd love to see you playing it out...and I'd love to see you wipe the floor with everyone, too! Plus, they'd love the story about you playing with your son, and getting a bad beat from him. (Would you be playing for EFF again, as you did on The Weakest Link?)

Incidentally, in watching the various TNG episodes featuring Riker's poker games with various other ensemble cast members, I've noticed they always seem to be playing fairly conventional draw or stud games. Haven't they heard of No-Limit Texas Hold'em in the 24th century? :-)

Anxiously awaiting Part 4...will Wil emerge victorious, or will Mrs. Beautiful sink her claws into his stack? Tune in next time, same Wil-time, same Wil-channel!

Posted by: Erbo at March 1, 2004 11:16 PM

great job wil! btw, i'm from the philippines and we love your work down here!

Posted by: net at March 1, 2004 11:35 PM

'I get up, take a piss...', how Pulp Fictiony. 'I gotta take a piss...That's a little too much information but go right ahead'.
This Mr Lawyer guy, does he have hair or is he bald? Dodgy balding lawyers are even worse than dodgy slicked-back lawyers by a long shot.

Posted by: Annie at March 2, 2004 12:36 AM

Go Will. I also know pretty much jack about poker, but this is an awsome story no matter the outcome.

Posted by: Tim at March 2, 2004 02:30 AM

I swear, Wil... you've got a gift and a half here. I read Part One of this story will passing interest (cause I know jack about poker), and followed on to Part Two to see how things went on. Now, having read through Part Three, hanging on every word and smiling at the small details like the heavy door, I'm dangling on the edge of my seat hoping that maybe if I Refresh my browser enough the next part might just fall out of the top of the page or something. I can't believe reading about a game I can't play could possibly be so engaging... Way to go, Wil - keep them coming... preferably faster!

Posted by: Paul at March 2, 2004 04:16 AM

What I find amusing is that the last flop came out J-7-4. If Mr. Lawyer is playing the same 7-fucking-4 that he got you on that bad beat earlier, he takes the pot from all of you with the two under pair.

Maybe 7-4 should be Mr. Lawyer like 10-2 is Doyle Brunson...

Posted by: Dan at March 2, 2004 05:42 AM

THIS is why I come here to read. Good writing, even if it's about something I know absolutly NOTHING about, is a joy to read. Wil, Even if you write about waht a sucky day or week youare having, or what a cool thing a stepson said to you, or what you think is a lame-ass thing to mention in your blog it is the great writing that brings me back time after time. Just as I feel down and sad for you when your life sucks, just like I feel amazement that you could ever want more than you have with Anne, and just like I feel for you when some Startrek con twit screws you into the dirt about some show I felt SO much excitment when I finished this entry. It was almost like I had won some money AND got an "in your face" on a lawyer.
Way to go Wil!!

Posted by: Alacrity at March 2, 2004 05:59 AM

I am impressed.

Mind you, I replaced half your terminology to that of Crazy 8s, but even then, it sounded good.

Kick some a$$, Wil.

Posted by: Jesse at March 2, 2004 06:45 AM

This is really excellent, Wil.
I really need you to get to part four with a quickness, but I also know I'll be sad when it's over...

Posted by: Jake at March 2, 2004 08:08 AM

Wil

Frankly, I don't know squat about the jargon in this tale, and yet it's totally captivating. YOUR WRITING IS REALLY IMPROVING. Not to say your first book wasn't good--you've got a narrative style that everyone finds refreshing--but I'm guessing the forced practice getting Just a Geek done has really put you into a new level of excellence.

Great style, man. Great friggen style!

Posted by: Murray Todd Williams at March 2, 2004 08:37 AM

Message to Freeman:
Hi! How are you? Thanks for replying to me and
saying that about Wheaton' I know hot it feels
to have him ignore you. Don't feel left out! A
little niceness goes a long way.

I just thought I'd tell you all that I'm not a
psycho path, I don't need to up my meds! Yes I
know what meds stands for. Meds = Medication!!
What exactly is in my medicine cabinet? Do you
want to call up all the insituations around my
area and ask thim if I am hospitilized? Do you
think you can ask thim this : Hi! I am calling
to see if you have a patient there name so and
so! She goes on wilwheaton.net!!! She posts on
his comment thing and she LOVES to type in all
caps, she is pretty nutty!! Of course you know
who I am replying to - Do you think that was a
nice message to leave for me? I don't know you
and you don't know me!! Why be mean to someone
just for attention?

For those who respond here and The Wheatons, I
think you all know that Wil Wheaton did ignore
people on here and make them feel really bad!!

Wil Wheaton: I am not putting you down!!!! But
I just think people see you post to others and
do get jealous!!!! We all know that you have a
very popular site!! Congrats about having such
a wonderful website!! Remember you know you do
have fans and are loved very much!! Just don't
be so down about yourself!! We all are so very
excited to know this is your personal blog! We
do love you Wil Wheaton, Don't we fans?

Thanks for those who have left me messages and
thanks for being so sweet!! You gave me really
good advice! I felt like I won a grammy.

Well, I have to go for now!!! I am going to be
leaving more comments in the past! I wanted to
let you all know that this didn't have nothing
to do with this entry but it did in a way.

I'm going to work on my Wil Wheaton site! It's
a fan site for him. Here is my site address!!!
http://wwheatonfan.topcities.com. It is not up
yet and still underconstruction. Keep going to
it. :)

P.S. Alot of girls/women who have
the name Rachael or Rachel.

Sincerely Yours,
Rachael

Posted by: Rachael at March 2, 2004 09:12 AM

*Curious*?

This was an illegal game,yes?

What if it was busted by the PO-PO (cop's)?

What would the ramifications be on you and your family if you were caught?

How would that effect the Step-Dad situation with the kid's Father?

Again,just curious.

Posted by: REDRHINO at March 2, 2004 09:16 AM

I'm Mr. Lawyer - "guy" and I'm not too happy with your depiction of me.

Ha! Just kidding. I found you via the poker blogger "scene" - great stuff.

Posted by: thepokercode at March 2, 2004 09:16 AM

What a windy tale! Hopefully the book does not contain this schlock unless the book is for poker players. "Consider your audience" is one of the most basic rules of communication.

Posted by: Bob Z at March 2, 2004 09:21 AM

Please sir, can I have another!
You're KILING me here!

Posted by: Angela at March 2, 2004 09:35 AM

And in a tribute to Wil's writing skills, tomorrow it will be revealed they were, in fact, just playing "Go Fish" for M & M's.

Posted by: mabman at March 2, 2004 10:07 AM

This is SO addicting!

Posted by: Stacy at March 2, 2004 10:29 AM

"..who's up for game three, I can barely see the bourbon drownin' next to me and I just lost it all..."

Crazy Game of Poker, sung by O.A.R.

Kick some butt, Wil

Posted by: Nanc at March 2, 2004 11:00 AM

Good job, Wil!
Watch out for those unlucky bad beats, though. I don't know how you won with a pair of jacks. Everytime I get a cool hand (like pocket aces) some fool beats me in the draw. Statistics, schmatistics... or something like that. Just stay lucky!

Posted by: Mike Bailey at March 2, 2004 11:13 AM

WOW...I, too, have no idea what you're talking about, but you're STILL making it an awful interesting read, Wil! I hope the story ends with you winning. So fa', so good!

Keep it up,
Mark

Posted by: Mark at March 2, 2004 11:31 AM

Mmm...Howard Lederer.

Posted by: mcf at March 2, 2004 12:58 PM

The four part poker story was excellent writing! It's been great to see your prose greatly improve over the last few years. You're really coming in to your own as a writer.

Posted by: Brian Roberts at March 2, 2004 02:27 PM

Wil, I really enjoyed your Poker adventure story. I got interested in poker just this winter so I'm a newbie to the game, but I was able to follow the plays that you described. Your description of the hands and how you stacked up against the others was very exciting. I have always wanted to read a book or story that takes the reader into the underground world of poker. I got a bit confused, however, with some of the other players you mentioned -- between Mr so-and-so and some other Mr long-name-I-will-never-remember, I felt you needed to flesh out the descriptions of the characters a bit more. Your opponents seemed interchangeable and I had no clear image of the players at your table except you. This is just a minor point and overall, I thought your poker story was great. I love your conversational writing style.

Posted by: mm at March 2, 2004 05:47 PM

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WIL WHEATON dot NET: Where is my mind?

March 01, 2004

lying in odessa - part three

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