I love the smell of the cigars, but don't smoke them. I guess that the girly cigar would go perfect with my chocolate martini ;)

Sweet. FP!

Now that's a story for the books. The geek, after taking flak all his life, dishes it back in a little dose, and then backs off and lets everything be cool. And GQ was a good sport about it, which makes it even cooler.

Score one for the nerds in us all.

Now i don't approve of smoking in any of its forms....

But that was damn funny.

Wow, your site is no longer just entertaining but educational! Now I can look like I know what I'm talking about when I go to buy a cigar to go sit in at the next poker game. Love it.

Alcohol is to Synthehol as Cigars is to __________.

(just curious...)

:)

That's funny. I never actually have the balls to do things like that. I always sit around later on going "Damn, I wish I had said _______."

I wanna be just like Wil Wheaton one day.

You should definitely try the La Flor Dominica double-ligero line. The chisel-tip has to have a bullet cut (making it a perfect smoke for engineers and smart-asses) but it's a VERY flavorful smoke at a reasonable cost. Being in California, you should make the most of your opportunities. Me? I'm in Virginia. Tobacco's the state vegetable, or something...

i really enjoyed that story...the true-life adventures are the best...and keep away from the girly cigars.

Scene: local fast food drive through, ordering food

me: I'd like a number three with a sprite

drive through operator: sprite the drink?

(my girlfriend leans across me to talk into the speaker box)

girlfriend: No, the woodland fairy.

...and, scene.

I love when the real world is better than sitcoms.

Alexa, my dad's uncle (my name sake, even though I know you don't care) was the same way; he didn't like to smoke but liked the smell. What he would do is throw a cigar in the fire to get the smell without having to smoke it. I always thought it was fairly entertaining.

I have to say an 8-5-8 is a damned fine choice of a smoke. This reminds me that I should take the time out to smoke a cigar soon, especially now that I'm now living in a state that allows smoking in bars.

Fucking brilliant.

Wil,
Another nice story and you are in the wrighting zone. I did not know that you liked cigars. Wow.

FG

Wil, I love you to pancakes, and I love your blog to syrup, but that was the funniest thing I've read in a long, long time. That was funny with a capital T.

You realize, of course, that among cigar store clerks around the world you will now have a reputation as a loose canon.

Rock on, you rebel you.

Brilliant story!! Quick wit and keeping it cool in the end.

Life's gotta be like that.....

be well.

That was freakin' brilliant. Also, next time I want to buy a cigar I'm going to re-read this post. I wouldn't want to smoke a girly cigar. Even though I'm a girl.

Hey, why hasn't anyone mentioned this?

"Want to get together and have a cigar? I haven't had a smoke in months, and I'd like to celebrate the release of my book."

Congratulations on the release of the book (finally, it missed the Christmas season, darn it)! You ARE bringing lots to the Pasadena convention aren't you? I won't be able to get it delivered in time (leaving on a jet plane...) and I need some for birthday presents.

Oh, and the story around that news was great, too. 8-)

Hey, man. The threes will do in a pinch if there's nothing else good around. I'm a big fan of Drew Estate Naturals, althought sometimes you get a poorly wrapped one so you have to be careful.

cute story... but in a buff, brutish sort of
way.. not that you are "cute" Wil, but "cute"
in that endearing bullyish, Robert Conrad sort
of way... (pleae notice that no reference was made to as how "funny" you are...

HEY WIL!

I saw you part on TEEN TITANS! Saturday night...
what's the going rate for a gig like that?
seemed like a small part with what? 14 words?
12 seconds..?

simply put...LOVED IT!

Yet another terrific story, Wil. As terrific as a good cigar, even!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Cuban For A Day"

On my last day of college, after my final final exam, I walked across campus with my professor and smoked a cigar to celebrate my Freedom From Academic Bondage. If memory serves me (but it might not), that was the professor who bore a resemblance to Fidel Castro.

You know what they say about the size of your cigar...

High school biology was a long time ago, but I'm almost certain cigars are not gendered :-)

I smoke one vanilla cigar each year during Bethlehem's Musikfest celebration in August - my doctor said if I smoke any more than that he'll kill me himself.

Regards,
Bill in Bethlehem

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar..."
Sigmund Freud

Funny story, Wil. But you have been added to my list of guys, most of them good friends, who completely puzzle me with their penchant for cigars. They're smelly, they're smoky, and just because they're bigger than cigarettes doesn't mean they're sexier.

And congrats on the book release.

Is it just me or is the writing wround here getting fucking good?

Typically, I'm the one that's getting fucked, as opposed to the guy that's doing the fucking (in this context anyway), so normally I root for the guy getting the ribbing.

But, once I say that you apologized to the guy, and he was cool with it, damn it was funny.

When I lived on an island off the coast of Alaska, there was a local sporting goods shop with a sign reading, "Smoke 'em if you got 'em!" Everyone knew they meant salmon (the store sold smokehouse gear) - but I laughed everytime I drove by.

Wil,
It saddens me that you would compromise the health of your beautiful pink lungs just so you could look "cool" or "hip" like Schwarznegger, Chuck Norris, or Joey Pants. Well, I guess it beats smoking cornsilk in a boxcar. Personally, I prefer the Lewinsky Churchills. Them bad boys is tasty!

Another fantastic post, Wil! And congratulations on the book release!

If you like Romeo y Julieta, give one of their Reserve Maduro (Churchill size, of course) a try - it's an awesome cigar!

Drinking Guinness in the middle of the day, giving cashiers minor heart palpitations, smoking a cigar by the poolside...

Man, I want to be a professional writer/actor/net personality.

You should've clocked the guy a good one for trying to be smart.
You seem to know your shit, Wil, and nothing amuses me more than some hot shot who claims to know more about something than you do. You were right to stress the guy out like you did (you probably looked totally pissed off,too). Had it been me I would've taken a few Avos, a couple of Davidoff's and a nice Prince Albert and shoved 'em down his fuckin' throat. That would teach the guy about bein' smart.

Isn't girly cigar an oxymoron?

Bloody Brilliant Wil! I laughed and smiled and everyone around me is now staring at me like I have 3 heads. Keep it up!

what a wickedly entertaining story!

...what the hell kind of audition were you on??

But really, awesome story, dahling. You never cease to entertain.

... very funny story, Wil.

However, I have to confess: I cannot tolerate the smell of cigars/tobacco, period.

Cohibas sound nice for an 80-degree day. The Dominicans are excellent, but if you manage to get your hands on some Cubanos, then you're set.

By the way, this was a fucking funny post.

LOL sick'em

Hey Wil, if you're ever in Calgary, go to Cavindish and Moore (shameless plug) they have the best selection in North America (we get Cubans).

Coming to Canada on a book tour?

I prefer a Machanudo Robust. great flavor, it's great poker cigar!

Zoom.. over the head..

A "Churchill-sized cigar in a natural wrapper" and "This one is very popular with the ladies".

This suggests the sardonic salesman was projecting a misogynistic "Man Show" illustration of a Clinton-esque application. Typical character of cigar and stereo equipment salesman.

Still purile..

Wil,

Do you ever take the time to listen to the Cigar Dave show? (formerly "Smoke This") It's worth a listen if you like cigars.

http://www.cigardave.com

--JTC

Mr. Lee: This suggests the sardonic salesman was projecting a misogynistic "Man Show" illustration of a Clinton-esque application.

Woah. You're right!

I didn't even think of that. Now I'm doubly offended.

Cute ending (and by "cute", I don't mean "cute, sissy bitch" ending), but I thought you tried too hard to set the scene, and ultimately, didn't really set the scene at all. I know what was going on around you, but I don't know how the hell you got there, who the hell this other dude was, etc. "Random" works...at least on occasion...but not here.

-Pat

If you like the 8-5-8s (assuming you're talking about Fuentes), you should try their Cuban Corona. One of the best smokes for the money in my book. I'm also partial to the following...in no specific order:
Torano Exodus 1959 Torps
Ashton VSG

"Alcohol is to Synthehol as Cigars is [sic] to Nicotine Vaccination."

To the "beautiful pink lungs" person: cigar smokers don't inhale. They still run the risk of mouth and throat cancer, but it's at least easier to detect and cut out. Occasional cigar smokers probably run about the same risk as nonsmoking barflies, and if I gotta stay out of bars to avoid that, you may as well cut my head off and stick it in a jar.

Remember, folks: both Brook Shields and Quark think that smoking is stupid.

Hysterical! You have such a knack for story-telling, for the serious and the frivolous. Always enjoyable.

Damn dude you made him sweat!!! By the way I caught Aqualad this weekend, very cool. You get to be the hot cartoon. Very Nice!!

Wil,
Weren't you allergic to smoke at some point? I remember an article in Starlog many years ago saying that you couldn't be in any smoke-filled room or you'd die. I assume that isn't a problem anymore? :)

Wil,

For the sake of your health, I would urge you to quit cigar smoking. I know you probably do it very rarely, though, so that's good, but I've had too many family members have serious health problems caused by tobacco to condone it.

Getting off my soapbox now...it was a well-written post, I would love to make a snooty clerk in any store sweat like that. I doubt I'd ever think of the right insult until AFTER I left the store.

"girlie cigar" - HA! That's hilarious.

"Oh, there's the condescending." - Love it!

I stopped by for a little break from my blinding computer work and this little story was just what I needed.

Thanks for the laugh, Wil.

-Carol P

Hilarious. So........aren't you suppose to fill us in on how the audition went?

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Put your claws away, Kitten, someone might think you were being catty...

Inflammatory comment DELETED.

eenan613@msn.com
129.255.100.87

Wil,

Sherlock Holmes and Data always preferred a good pipe smoke. The sweet aroma of a cherry blend pipe tobacco is enchanting. (Would it be synthagar?) Maybe you could ask Monica L. what brand of cigar President Clinton preferred.

Very entertaining post. Can't wait to read your book.

Freeman. (:)

My dad used to smoke cigars and my grandfather smoked pipes. I didn't care all that much for the smell of the cigars but I remember looking forward to visiting Grandpa Ed so I could smell that wonderful cherry tobacco. Mmmmmm. Of course, I tried a puff once and just about hacked up my lungs. Didn't taste anything like it smelled. Guess that's why I don't smoke. :)

Hugs!
Tracey

That was simply classic! I look forward to your stories every day, Wil. That one topped off my evening. :)

Wil, ya ought to go Aaaahnold in Sacramento. I hear he has put a cabana outside of his office where he lights up illegal cubans. You could be his cabana boy!

Wil,

I'm a pipe smoker and I've been in that shop, too--I wish I could say I've had a pleasant shopping experience there. Then again, no tobacco shop is really ever "normal". The one I used to visit down in Tustin, on El Camino Real, was run by a crazy Irish guy who was always telling dirty jokes about Catholic school and trying to get us to buy expensive snuff sets off of him.

Hm, time for some Frog Morton.

m.

Did this really happen? For some reason it feels like fiction.

Anyway, whatever bro, it was a good story.

That's so awesome! You're my hero.

I think, Pat, that you need to re-read the story. Wil clearly states the corner he was standing on and with whom. He tells us why they went to the tobacconist shop, and he tells us clearly about the sales clerk who came into the humidor. So what is the problem with this story? Are you trying to be his English prof or what?

Not at all, Jessica. My own meager writing skills wouldn't allow it. I merely noted my opinion as to which portions of the story succeeded, and which did not. I believe the brevity of my prior statement, as well as my own poor choice of words (by "set the scene", I was not referring to the "setting", which I thought Wil did a wonderful job of conveying), only served to obfuscate the intent of my post. Taken as a whole, I would have to say that I enjoyed it. It definitely brought a smile to my face. However, even after re-reading the piece several times, I can't help but feel a little like the dude who busted his ass to make it to the theatre to see the movie, only to arrive late and have to piece things together in medias res.

I suppose I'll just bite my tongue as far as the "so far out of character as to be almost unbelievable" issue is concerned.

What can I say? "Lying In Odessa" was easily the best work I've seen from Wil here, and I noted that in the comments section of part 4 of that blog. This tale, however, I found to be "just ok"...and honestly, quite mediocre for someone as talented as Wil.

-Pat

Pat makes some good points.

While I spent about 15 hours on 'odessa,' I spent about 20 minutes on this. If I decide to include it in a collection, or fold it into another work, I'll heavily re-write it.

As far as being out of character . . . that's an interesting observation. I guess there's more to my "character" (in the dramatic sense, not the moral sense) than you'd naturally expect.

Of course, it probably WAS the Guinness talking. It's much funnier than I am.

do watchmen

Really good stuff -- and I'm impressed as hell that you did it in 20 minutes! You should definitely publish this in something somewhere down the line. I'd certainly have paid to read it.

Romeo y Julietas are alright, if you can't get anything better, namely Montecristo, and especially Montecristo No. 2's. Especially if you get the cuban ones. Smoooooth draw, tightly wrapped sweetness. If you want to legally (at least I think so) import some cubans, check out this Canadian place: www.varaderocigar.com .. they have the Montecristos.

Ignore those sissies who think smoking cigars is bad. Those are the same people who are going to lie on their death bed and wonder why their life was so boring.

-MrD

I like the smell of cigars while they're lit, but damn do they ever leave a nasty stink behind afterward. I figured my apartment could easily handle a single night of cigar smoke during a poker game, and I had to live with my windows open for 3 solid days afterwards. But whadda you gonna do... I just got back from Cuba and I had to try out my souvenirs. :) Next time we'll smoke 'em outside.

I'm a cigar neophyte, so I can't tell what number my Romeo y Julietas are. How do I find out? And why does it matter?

Try Padron, a good cigar for a good price.

Thomas Hinds, white label, ... I sure miss those being around.

Nice slice of LA story.

Cool article!!!

Cool article!!!

Why must the cigar dealers hastle so much? I know it's cheap, but I've always prefered a Macanudo Robuste.

I love Flor Domincas, Double Ligeros Maduro cigars! I'm addicated to 'em!