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June 16, 2004

Dave Barry goes all-in

Dave Barry, one of the funniest guys on the planet, gives us a hilarious look into the heart of America's current love affair with Poker:

Be advised that a Poker Craze is sweeping the nation. Almost every night, there are poker tournaments on television. And if you think that would be boring, I have three words for you: Correct-O-Mundo.

The problem is that there's not a lot of action in televised poker, where the most strenuous thing the players do is push plastic chips about 15 inches. (Granted, this is more action than you see in televised golf.)

To make matters worse, poker players do not betray any feelings, so what you have, visually, is a bunch of grim-faced guys looking like a hemorrhoid support group. Most of the emotion is supplied by the TV commentators, who, in hushed, dramatic tones, say things like: "He's thinking about what to do here, Bob." "You just know that, inside, he is churning with emotions, Bob." "I'm sure glad I took powerful methamphetamines before this broadcast, Bob."

The guys on TV are usually playing "Texas Hold 'em," which is the hottest poker game at the moment, although there are many other popular variations of poker, including Seven Card Stud, Five Card Draw, Alabama Grope 'em, Iowa Bore 'em, Six Card High Low Medium Jacks Wild Stud Draw Go Fish, Cincinnati Lawn Flamingo, Florida Recount 'em, New Jersey Whack 'em, New York Kvetch 'em, Red Rover and Whist.

All of these games are essentially the same: A person (or, in poker slang, "dealer") gives you some cards ("cards"), which you look at in a furtive manner ("sneaking a gander") to see if you have a good hand ("bling bling") after which you bet ("kiss the eel") by placing money ("cheese") into the pot ("marijuana"). This goes on until somebody ("not you") wins, at which point the losers express heartfelt congratulations in colorful slang.

It just gets better from there. I was flipping between WPT and the Dodgers tonight, and wondering when I'll have time to sit down and actually play again. Maybe I'll get a chance to show Dave Barry what all the excitement is about!

(Big thanks to WWdN reader Troy, for the link!)

Posted by wil at June 16, 2004 10:20 PM

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WIL WHEATON DOT NET: Dave Barry goes all-in Wil Wheaton brings us Dave Barry's explanation of a game of Poker: A person (or, in poker slang, "dealer") gives you some cards ("cards"), which you look at in a furtive manner ("sneaking ... [Read More]

Tracked on June 17, 2004 10:41 AM