« Comments from the Wife -- version 4.0 |
| exhale »
July 21, 2004
daisy chains and laughs
And now, a brief scene from my so-called domestic life:
We were having dinner straight out of 1958: barbecued burgers, baked beans, and a cut-up pineapple. The only way to make it better would have been TV trays . . . or dining in a fallout shelter, I suppose.
On my way to the patio, I passed Nolan, who was watching the Dodger game.
"Your Dodgers are losing," he said.
"Yeah. They try their best to do that," I said, "but they're something like 11-1 in their last 12 games."
"What? Are we talking about The Los Angeles Dodgers?" he said.
"I'm just as surprised as you are, I said. "Who are they playing?"
"Houston," he said.
Nolan decided early this year that his two favorite teams are The Angels, and whomever is playing The Dodgers, so it didn't surprise me when he shouted, "GO ASTROS!"
I gave him the test that I always give him when he's cheering against the Dodgers: "You love those Astros, huh?"
"Oh yeah!" He said.
"Well, who's your favorite player on the Astros?"
"Oh . . . you know . . . it's . . . uhm . . . " he looked at the TV, "Biggio!"
"Yeah, I'm sure you're in his fanclub." I laughed.
I don't think Nolan really cares one way or another about The Dodgers, (or any other particular team in baseball, for that matter) but I know that we both enjoy our friendly rivalry even more than we enjoy watching the games . . . and I love that.
We looked at each other, and I remembered when the Dodgers went to the World Series in 1988. As part of my teenage rebellion, I totally rejected baseball. You know . . . because it was important to my dad.
Yeah, that made a lot of sense.
As a result, I missed out on several opportunities to share some wonderful moments with him, and all I have to show for it is regret.
"Hey, are you going to come watch this with me?" Nolan said.
As a parent, I never miss an opportunity to be on the other side of something I missed out on as a child, so of course I agreed.
"Yeah. After dinner."
Shortly after I lit the barbecue, one of Anne's friends called long distance, so I became responsible for finishing the meal, and getting it on the table. Due to my lack of planning, (I am infamous for my lack of planning -- I have a lot of 3-inch lengths of string around the house) the burgers were going to be ready before I could even start the baked beans. So I asked Nolan for help.
"Nolan? Would you help me out?"
"Sure!" He said, cheerfully, "what do you need?"
"Would you take a can of baked beans, and put it in a saucepan on the stove? And maybe crush up some pineapple with it?"
"Okay," he said. "Oh! The inning's over."
Sean Shawn Green is up with two out."
I tried to come up with a snappy comeback . . . but there are some truths that I can't argue with, so I just said, "D'oh!"
There was a surge of cheering from the TV, and I heard Rick Monday say that Green had, indeed, grounded out to end the inning.
About two minutes later, Nolan called to me from the kitchen. "Wil? I'm having some trouble with the beans. Can you come help me?"
I flipped the burgers, and tossed some seasoning on them.
"Yeah, I'll be right there."
I walked into the kitchen, and found Nolan scratching his head in front of the stove.
"I put the can of beans in the saucepan, just like you asked," he said, with a furrowed brow, "but I can't get them to cook."
I looked at the stove. A saucepan sat on a front burner, and in it was the unopened can of beans. There was some crushed pineapple stuffed around the edges of the can.
Nolan looked at me, and did his best to keep a straight face.
"I just can't figure out why it's not cooking," He said.
I put my hand on my chin.
"Yeah . . . yeah . . . that is weird." I said.
He folded his arms across his chest, and studied the stove.
"You think we should get out a cookbook, or something?" He said.
I snapped my fingers. "Oh! I think you forgot to take the beans out of the can."
"Hmm . . . you think that would do it?" He said.
"Yes. Yes I do."
"Okay. I'll try that," he said. "Thanks!"
He may not have my genes . . . but he's certainly got my sense of humor, and that's just fine with me.
Posted by wil at July 21, 2004 02:12 PM
TrackBack URL for this entry:
Listed below are links to weblogs that reference daisy chains and laughs:
» I from WildBill's Blogdom
This post by Wil Wheaton inspired me to write this little kiddie anecdote down. A couple of weeks ago, my wife was out and about, my 2-year old son Conner was napping, and it was just my 4-year old daughter... [Read More]
Tracked on July 30, 2004 03:30 PM
culinary geniuses at work! ;)
VERY cute story! I'm picturing you just looking in awe at your step-kids half the time.
I love the domestic bliss stories!!!
I absolutely love 1958 style barbeques!!
hehe! aww, both nolan and ryan sound like amazing kids.
Saaaaaaayyy, being in Kansas City, I think it's barbecue time!
Saaaaaaayyy, being in Kansas City, I think it's barbecue time!
*so* sorry for the double-post!
Oh! Oh! I forgot to mention that my husband is coaching in the 9/10 All Star baseball game tonight so I was wondering if anyone would send a little mojo our way. My husband is only the Asst Coach becase he is nice and actually cares more about teaching the kids than winning which immediately made the park delegate him the "Assistant" since coaches who scream and ridicule the kids make the best "Head" coaches even though my husband's team won the National League Championship. Isn't that grand?
I think your jeans would be too big for him anyway. :-)
That is sooo cute. You are becoming a wonderful father.
C'mon Wil, you know that Beltre is the real rally-killer. At least until this season. Yeah, I guess I can't think of anyone who I'd rather see come up to the plate for the Dodgers than Green right now... (Lifelong Reds fan here)
I'm totally jealous of your family life, Wil. :) You're a lucky man.
Dining in a fallout shelter is very dangerous, you know? "He [Francis] had never seen a "Fallout", and he hoped he'd never see one. A consistend description of the monster had not survived, but Francis has heard the legends. ...". Going to the place where they shelter. Bet they have an AC of a Salamander plus x.
And, err, sorry. I'm writing my thesis on "Religion vs. technology in post-apocalyptic American Science Fiction" and it's difficult not to immidiately get grapped by words like "fallout shelter".
I assume of course, that you've bought the ORIGINAL "Simpson's Individiual Sting-ettes: As used in hospitals", instead of of some inferior brand of string. By the way, I'm no expert, but I don't think that just taking the beans out of the can will get the job done. Now, if after removing said beans, you were to turn the burner "ON", that might make a WORLD of difference!
argh, and I forgot to source my quote. How embarrassing is this? (Prof. Reichardt, should you read this, I am most sorry and agree it was highly umprofessional of me).
It's from: "A Canticle for Leibowitz", Walter M. Miller, Jr; p. 17 of the 1997 Bantam Edition
at least the dodgers aren't the cubs....
it's perfectly possible to inherit something like sense of humor from someone with whom you share no genetic material.
my younger stepson is warped in much the same way my stepdad was...
and my stepdaughter's oldest has her dad's sense of humor (even though her dad adopted her when she was a baby)
your kids are your kids, whether by birth or by choice.
Anytime he roots against the Dodgers or for the Angels... just ask him: "uh... how many times have the Dodgers been in the World Series? And the Angels?"
Then look at your watch, and say, "Hey it's late July! Time for the Angels to self destruct!"
In all seriousness... actually more seriousness... enjoy your time with the kids... they grow so fast and you'll NEVER get it back.
That's so funny. My kids have that "off" sense of humor.
A few months ago, my 6 year old takes a pickle out of his burger, squinches up his eye like he's holding a monacle and says "Argh! I'm the Pirate of Picklzance"....
I was so proud. He's got my cheesy sense of humor and my love for theater. YAY!
Sounds like good times, there, Wil. Keep up the good work. :)
I really enjoyed reading that.
Thanks for sharing it!
That actually made me laugh out loud. Luckily I'm hiding in my basement right now or my wife would be demanding to know what prompted the gigglesnorts, and then she'd shake her head and sigh at me. She never understands when I do stuff like that. :-)
My step-dad and i are a lot like that. I have his sense of humour but no DNA. We're great like that. He even adopted me :-D
Ha, ha! Very funny! Sounds like something I'd do...way to spend time with the family...good times. : )
Take care, Wil
Cute Wil, seriously. Unfortunatly I can't get behind the Dodgers, especially after attending two of the four recent spanking they gave my poor D'backs. Sigh. Hopefully all of the trade talk about Randy Johnson and Steve Finley will be over soon. As long as RJ doesn't go to the Yankees I'll be happy.
That was a wonderful entry wil. Nolan reminds me of my oldest.
Thank you for yet again sharing such a private piece of your life with us. :)
Ha! Nolan's gotta be one of the funniest little kids I've ever read about. What a smartass! :)
You're one lucky stepdad, Wil! (but you already knew that!)
A wonderful story. You are really blessed, and you sound like a good father (and a daddy). : )
...why didn't I think of taking the beans out of the can? Well, now I know. ; )
I call it--! "The Canned Jokes of Mr. Bean."
Thank you. Thank you. You can eviscerate me later. Thank you.
ROCK Freaking on and pass the beans!
What fun and thanks for sharing!
ROFLOL That's great Wil! Thanks for sharing! :)
Nolan sounds alot like me when I was growing up..LOL One time my dad asked me to make him a balogna and cheese sandwich and so to be a smartie pants I did not take the plastic wrapper off the cheese....if only I had a camera to capture the look on his face when he took that first bite LOL...to this day - 20 years later - he still tells me 'with out the wrapper this time' LOL
New Zealand BBQs aren't like that...you can't really describe them.
Anyways, I hold the world's southernmost copy of your book in my hand. After talking my employer into stocking it.
That is just adorable. I have two children with that sense of humor, It is great just to sit and talk with them. They are only 3 and 4 but are just hilarious. It sounds like you are enjoying your family, that is so cool. Thanks for sharing your moments with us. Jenn.
got to keep the loonies on the path
I was taking a look at all of the locations you tend to go to when you do promotions, etc.
Any chance you'll ever hit the midwest?
Maybe see how Wheaton plays in Peoria?
The cool factor for the city of Peoria is about a -4, but you do have some fans...
I'm just now getting into sports (Hubby was Mr All Sport growing up) so I'm learning the rules to baseball/t-ball. I don't know how old your boys are, mine are still in the putting-buckets-over-your-head-and-bumping-into-stuff phase, but Nolan sounds absolutely adorable. I've never had baked beans with pineapple before tho...
LOL!! That is the cutest story ever. Nolan is officially my culinary hero. LOL!!
Now these are the kinds of storys that are truely your best. Maybe if you get an extended book deal you could work with Ryan and Nolan on a book about moments like these. Yet another excellent reason to do some StepDad-StepSon bonding...
D'oh! Forgot something...
Add +3 to your CHA for the next three turns for the Pink Floyd title
I was raised by four parents: mom, dad, stepmom and stepdad. Parenting is not about genes, it's about getting up in the middle of the night when you are sick, going to your school plays and graduations, loving unconditionally.
Sounds like you do that with your kids. That's what they'll remember when they grow up. I know I do. =)
I had to chortle loudly at this one... that is SO something I would have done... heck it's something I would STILL do :) What a great kid :)
Do not diss the Astros, either overt or implied. They are my hometown team.
Why am I so touchy about it? Well imagine rooting for a team that has a losing history that rivals the Cubs or the Red Sox, but without the rabid fan base and then add having to have your brand spankin new ballpark named "Enron Field", if even for a short about of time.
But hey...we got Clements so I can't complain that much can I?
I don't mean to pry and if I am just say so. But, do you and Anne ever plan to have children of your own? You seem to do so well with Nolan and Ryan, it'd be a shame for a great father not to have his own children.
Bwahahahahaha. That kid should audition for the ACME School of Comedy. When you opening up a kid's camp for aspiring teen comics Wil? ;)
the dodgers ended up winning that game, and remain strongly in 1st. remember at the beginning of the year, i said they were through before they started? i lied! bite my tounge. theres something in the water in L.A., look at Beltre! you will be able to make up for that teenage rebelion this year, and see them in the world series again. -RR
Nice to see you happy Wil
LOL! Being a parent is something that always scares the crap out of me, but stories like this help me understand why people do it. Can you believe it? I'm 27 and afraid of kids! I wonder how much growing up I have to do to be ready for it myself.
Ha! Funny kid! Good. The best part about kids is the laughter.
Great story. Thanks for sharing.
By the way, you should try being a NY Mets fan. Nothing but heartache!
aww thats such a cute story! he sounds like a clever kid, i wouldnt have been able to think up something like that... or maybe im stupid.
You're so lucky, having such an amazing family. This was an adorable story.
I finished Just a Geek this afternoon. I loved it. You have real talent Wil, keep writing, I can't wait to read your next book.
At least you'll have no shortage of material for destroying household pests. Away with floods.
Man was born to BBQ! But hey, I never heard of adding crushed pineapple to baked beans. I've tried adding bacon, but not pineapple. Interesting idea, not sure if I like it, but it should work great with anchovies.
On a similar note, this is an appropriate entry as my father-in-law and brother-in-law are heading up to the Ballpark By the Bay to take in the Giants/Padres game for my father-in-law's 74th birthday. (Bro-in-law actually offered his seat to my spouse, but said spouse couldn't get the day off work.)
So, in the interests of equal time:
Hey Wil, it should be "whoever is..." not "whomever is" because the whoever is the subject of the is not the object.
Pineapple mixed with baked beans???? *scratches head*
Is that a California thing? 'Cuz I've never heard of that one before.
I don't mean to speak for Wil, but it is considered very impolite to ask if a couple such as Wil and Anne are planning to have their "own children." Nolan and Ryan _are_ their own children. It is not anyone else's concern about the rest of it. Kapiche?
No matter how curious you are!!!!! It's very improper. So, hopefully you just didn't know that and we will all hopefully forgive you this once!
With names like "Nolan" and "Ryan", of course they should be Astros fans!
Good story Wil. Nolan is destined to be one of the greatest chefs of all time, as long as he remembers to open up the can. I also have the same veiw on baseball that he has, due to the fact that the Seattle Mariners SUCK big time this season.
P.s. I have had your book for 2 days, and im 1/4 the way thru it. Its a great read!!!!! I give it a 100 stars. ****************************************************************************************************
That's hilarious!!!! You've got a couple of awesome step-kids, Wil!
As far as we are concerned, Wil is there father. He's the guy who's is with them 24-7. He's the one that supports those kids emotionally and finnancialy, unlike their deadbeat (sperm donnor)father.
The only thing that came out of Anne's first marriage, was those to Great kids, Ryan and Nolan!
Since losing both of my parents in the past year and a half stories like this one really, really make me smile because I remember doing things like this with my Dad, and my Mom when younger. Wonderful, blissful times for me. Dad could ALWAYS get me, though. I really enjoyed being Henri Jr. even though I was his youngest daughter.
Thank you ever so much for this wonderful posting!
Heres to many more!
*hugs* to you and Nolan.
QUOTE "Don't try to use BB code, or everyone will point and laugh at you, and then you'll burn us all up at the prom while John Travolta dances with Nancy Allen. And nobody wants that.
Finally, please think before you hit "submit." END QUOTE
But the man can DANCE!!
LOL That was too cute!! Gotta' cherish those moments.
Great entry, Wil.
Ya know, the sequel to Dancing Barefoot could be a collection of entries detailing the progression of your relationship with your sons. I love reading these stories and seeing the push and pull dynamics of (sort of) new parent and child unfold. Keep 'em coming!
Maybe I'll just sound like a choad for recanting this, but I did the exact same thing when I was a "kid". Not that I'm grown up now though...
Except for the pineapple, that's just weird.
*lovely story, my dear; you are a fine actor* and so is Nolan. Thanks so much for sharing your life with us.
Just received a catalog from O"Reilly entitled "Computer Books." They listed JAG and DB. DB was listed as a "best seller."
Now that is a fun way to watch a game. I wish the Dodgers were having better luck too but thats when good food comes in handy.
That was an excellent story. You are a wonderful father, and it sounds like you have two truly wonderful kids. Good for you Wil.
Browsing blogs and came here (again) and finally linked you on my blog
That story is just too funny. I love how you keep the humor going... I dont know if I would have let him go on for that long... that is too funny.
Congrats on your marathon. That is just inspiring.
It's Shawn Green, not Sean :)
That being said, the line about Green had me laughing out loud!
Take care, and let us know when you'll be signing Just a Geek in LA! My copy just came in.
Perhaps for just the adults, you should have made "Beans a la McCoy" - from Star Trek V. Don't forget the marshmelons. ;)
On a more serious note, noted Hollywood composer Jerry Goldsmith passed away today. :( Of course everyone remembers his opening theme to "Star Trek - The Motion Picture". later used in the theme for Next Generation. I had been meaning to get the two-disc DVD director's edition of ST-TMP for some time, and today I went to Suncoast and bought it.
I went home, opened it carefully and put Disc 1 in, and then the overture music began. Set against a starfield in motion. The overture music Goldsmith composed has to be one of the most beautiful pieces of music I've ever heard. It has a very soft and gentle pace. It was quite a stirring piece of music. There will be three movie scores that Goldsmith composed that people will remember the most, the opening music to "Jaws", with it's suspenseful tone. The almost cartoonish end music from the movie "1941". And of course, the theme to Star Trek - The Motion Picture.
I enjoyed the new two disc DVD remaster. I don't want to spoil if for some of you, but the new scenes made it way better than the original, and I remember how blown away I was by the original when my parents took me to see it in 1979.
Foundation Imaging really did a hell of a good job restoring and enhancing the effects. I know I'm a little late posting this, probably everyone here has already seen the DVD remaster. But still, I had to offer my compliments.
I've put things on the stove... and honestly forgotten to turn the stove ON. I'm normally pretty good at multitasking. In fact, I work best doing multiple things at the same time... but occasionally I'll get a bit absent-minded like that.
And yeah, life is precious, and short, and you never know what might happen. Treasure it, treasure every moment of it. That's what I learned when I got cancer at age 19. You just never know.
Hey Wil, long time reader, first time poster. (Cheese on toast or what?)
Just wanted to say I'm glad you're getting on well with your stepkids. It takes a good man to be able to take on the responsibility or looking after them, as well as getting to know them, and it looks like you're doing a fantastic job. I wish you and your family all the best in the future. Take it easy! :)
"Got to keep the loonies on the path "
Keep up the good work man. Great read.
I know you're into cooking -- I've read your blog for some time now. You've _got_ to bake your own beans in the oven; nothing out of a can comes close. It takes some time, but not very much work.
Seriously, you're family will be in awe of you.
Rocknar, you're right; Goldsmith was a giant and will be missed. But John Williams wrote the soundtracks for Jaws and 1941.
Cute story...except I was so distracted by the horror of baked beans even near pineapple, much less on the same plate, even less on the same fork, and (god forbid) in my mouth AT THE SAME TIME that I kinda got sidetracked. I kept asking myself, "SELF?! Did he really want pineapple added to the baked beans?" And I thought Elvis had odd tastes. I guess it's something from those tight little suits you two guys wore on TV. It must burst the taste buds from gonadal pressure or something. Well, gotta go. I got some spam and jello casserole in the oven.
Hey, good story. I didn't know you were a Dodgers fan. That makes you cooler than I even thought you were! I moved to New Hampshire this summer. The only things I miss about LA so far are the carne asada burritos and Dodger Stadium (Blue Heaven)...
Good luck this year. Go Beltre, Izturis, and GAGNE!!!!
My first visit and I was cought by the "If this is your first time here, you should read this." story.
I just finished reading this wonderful and playful story. I can see I'm going to be trapped here for a long while. :)
Good stuff, Wil. I'm sure there's more, so...I'm off to check it out.
Baked beans with pineapple sounds tasty to me--will give it a little sweetness. I am going to try it the next time I BBQ.
D'OH! :( well I guess I wouldn't fare too well against Ken "Super Brain" Jennings on "Jeopardy!"
I should have checked imdb.com - He did a lot of other movies but NOT "Jaws" or "1941" - I dunno how my brain let that one get away. :/ *sighs* I'm sure Goldsmith himself would laugh about it, "well it's good music, yes, but I didn't do THAT.."
LOL thanks for the laugh.
Heh. That's a cute story. I haven't got kids yet, but I hope they get my sense of humor (and my stunningly Spiffy good looks?). It can be pretty diabolical at times and I'm curious of how a kid would utilize that.
LOL I love the stove bit with the beans and pineapples. Sounds like a good family time to enjoy. I am looking foward to my good times with my daughter as she grows everyday. :)
So who won? Dogers or Astros?
Burgers and beans.... Staple part of my diet. However the pineapple is a slightly different variation. To be fair I am English and I think the pineapple is reserved for pizza's.
I will however try a burger with beans and pineapple to see if I can convert!
Burgers and beans - an EXPLOSIVE combination! ;)
Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
Let's have beans for every meal!
(now why didn't Shatner use that beans poem for Star Trek V?)
?Como esta' frijoles? How have you bean?
You know? Your family would make a great sitcom!
Thursday on UPN!
It's another all new episode of MEET THE WHEATONS!
LATER - Will (insert wrestler's name here) make a play for Vince McMahon's daughter? Find out on an ALL NEW WWE SMACKDOWN!
I think it's cute how literally Nolan took your suggestion to cooking the beans. Children always have had such an innocent way of looking at things. If you want an honest opinion go ask a kid. They'll tell it to you straight up. I guess next time telling him where the can opener is would help. LOL! What a cute kid you have Wil. Hopefully he'll keep your sense of humour.