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March 29, 2005
let go
One morning a few years ago, Anne walked out into our garage to put some towels or something into the dryer. I heard the door close, and a minute of so later, she called out to me, "Wil? Can you come in here? Quickly?"
There was a tiny bit of urgency in her voice, so I jumped up from the couch, ran through the kitchen, across the breezeway, and into the garage. She stood next to the dryer, a pile of wet clothes in her hands.
"Is everything okay?" I said.
"Shh!" She said, and pointed to the middle of the garage. "Listen!"
I did, and after a few moments, I heard a very soft meowing. Both of my cats were indoor cats, so I called out, "Biko? Sketch?"
I turned to Anne. "How did they get out of the house?"
She shrugged. "I don't know, but —"
A sleek black cat came walking out from beneath one of several piles of crap we have out there (putting a car into our garage is about as likely as one of us building a rocket in the backyard and colonizing the moon). He had bright yellow/green eyes, a white star on his chest, and little white "socks" on his front paws. He had no tail.
"Hey, Kitty!" Anne said, "what are you doing in my garage?"
She shoved the clothes into the dryer, and crouched down on the floor. The cat began purring loudly as he walked over to her. She extended her hand and he rubbed his little face up against it.
"You are such a little Bear!" She said, as she scratched his ears.
I've seen this from her before: she was in love. She looked up at me, like a child. "Can we keep him?"
"We already have two cats, Anne," I said, "and what if someone misses him?"
"We'll wait a week, and look for signs around the neighborhood. If we don't find signs, and he's still here, we'll take him to the vet and make sure he's healthy."
I've also seen this from her before: her mind was made up.
For the next week, he stayed on our patio, and we looked for signs in our neighborhood. We called local shelters. pet stores, and vets and asked if anyone had reported a missing kitty. Nobody had. As far as we could tell, this kitty had just shown up out of thin air; if anyone missed him, they weren't being very vocal about it.
The first few days of that week, I tried not to get too attached to him, but whenever I walked out onto the patio, he'd talk to me a bunch. If I got close to him, he'd start to purr and rub up against my legs. He was so affectionate, it took about three days for my him to win me over. I started counting down to the seventh day, when we would take him to the vet and know for sure if he could officially become a member of our family.
At the end of the week, we took him to the vet and had him checked for diseases and stuff.
"What's his name?" The receptionist asked us.
Anne and I looked at each other. Over the week, we had both loved this little guy a lot, but we'd never thought to name him.
"Oscar?" I said.
She smiled and shook her head. "No." She turned to the receptionist and said, "His name is Felix."
"Yeah!" I said, "Felix the cat!"
While we were there, we saw a picture on the wall of a cat that looked just like him, and we found out that he was a special breed called a Japanese Bobtail. Over the next few years, this would lead to us calling him "Stumpy," and referring to his activity as "just stumpin' around in the yard." His blood work came back the following day: he was free from all diseases, but his kidney levels were a little high — probably the result of him being just a little dehydrated. We know now that it was much worse, but at the time we were blissfully ignorant, and the Wheaton household grew by one.
We brought him home, and introduced him to our cats. Biko was indifferent, but Sketch cranked at him right away. Ever since he was a kitten, Sketch has been a daddy's — then (and now) a momma's — boy. He didn't like that there was a new kitty in our house who would be siphoning away some of the attention and affection. For the next week or so, there was a lot of peeing on the furniture, but eventually, Biko and Sketch accepted that this new kitty wasn't going to leave, and his arrival didn't diminish our love for them.
Felix loved us, but always on his terms. There's a saying, "Dogs have masters. Cats have staff" and so it was with Felix. He was always affectionate, but he made it clear that he wasn't our cat: we were his people. We didn't mind at all.
A few years passed, and Felix brought all kinds of joy into our lives. He had his "rotation," where he'd sleep on Ryan's bed for a week or so, then Nolan's, then with me and Anne. Even though he was just a cat, when he chose to put you on his rotation, you couldn't help but feel special. Chosen.
We learned quickly that Felix didn't take any shit from anyone, especially other cats. In the first year that we were his people, he went to the vet several times for shots and stitches after fights with other neighborhood cats. When he went outside, Anne and I started telling him, "Watch for cars, and don't get into any fights!" He rarely listened, but he was an incredibly tough little guy who earned his nickname "The Bear," and as far as we know, he never lost a single fight.
About two years ago, we noticed that he spent a couple of days acting a little strange. He didn't want to be cuddled, he wouldn't eat very much, and he just looked like he didn't feel well. We figured it was the result of his latest fight, so Anne took him to the vet for more antibiotics. When she came home, her eyes were red and her cheeks were shiny with tears.
"What's wrong?" I said.
"The vet said that Felix doesn't feel well because he's having kidney failure. He could die within a month." She collapsed onto our bed and sobbed. I did my best to comfort her, while I processed the shock of the news.
"Is there anything we can do?" I said.
"We may be able to give him special food and fluids, but —"
"Then that's what we'll do," I said. And we did. We gave him some fluids every morning, put him onto special food, and gave him a little extra love. Within a couple of days, The Bear was stumpin' around the yard, chasing birds across the grass, and curling up in our laps whenever we sat on the couch. His sleeping rotation put him into our room, and I fell asleep for many nights listening to his soft purring.
The rest of that year, he had ups and downs. One terrifying weekend Felix was rushed to the emergency vet because the gardener sprayed weed killer in our front yard — which I'd specifically told him not to do — and Felix had walked through it. During that stay at the vet's, I visited him often. WWdN readers were really supportive of Anne and me, and I blogged a "note" from The Bear:
"Hi. ThiS iS FELix. My Mom AND Dad ToLD mE HoW MUCh WWDN ReADerS SupPoRteD ThEM whiLe I wAs SiCK, aND i WaNT to sAY ThANK you. ThEy LovE ME A loT AnD I KnOW THIS Was hard FoR thEM."During that stay, we found out that his kidney disease had progressed more rapidly than we expected. He was up to about 85% failure, and he was starting to become anemic. He had lost a bunch of weight, and was down to about 11 pounds. Again, we made mental preparations for the worst, and again Felix surprised us all by bouncing right back to life.
A few weeks ago, Felix started to look and act like he felt icky, so we took him to the vet yet again. This came on the heels of my cat Sketch's near-death experience, so my nerves were pretty frayed. "I wish I could get frequent flier miles here," I joked to the receptionist for the hundredth time. She politely pretended that I wasn't the most annoying pet owner in the world.
We ran some tests on him, and the results confirmed our worst fears: his kidneys were almost completely destroyed, and he had developed such a severe case of anemia his body wasn't able to get any nutrition out of his food. He was, quite literally, wasting away.
It was clear that if we didn't do anything, he was going to die within a few days. We talked it over with our vet, and she told us that our options were to put Felix to sleep, or give him Epogen injections three times a week, sub-q fluids twice a day, liquid vitamins and an aluminum hydroxyde suspension each morning. It seemed like an awful lot of stuff to do, but Anne and I talked about it, and tried to figure out what was best for Felix, we would not prolong his life simply because we didn't want to say goodbye . . . but if we could help him feel better, and have good quality of life, then we would do whatever we could afford to do. We talked it over with his vet, and decided that we'd try this out for two weeks.
"What are the odds of him bouncing back?" I asked his vet.
"If it was any other cat, I'd say very slim," she said, "but Felix is one of the toughest kitties I've ever seen. Honestly, his kidney values are so high, any other kitty would have died by now."
"Is there anything we should watch for?"
She told us what I've heard from hundreds of WWdN readers: "Your cat will let you know if he's ready to go, or if he wants to stick around and try to feel better."
That was two weeks ago. For the first week, Felix perked up, but he didn't bounce back the way he always had before. He stopped being reclusive, but he wasn't as affectionate as he'd always been. I hoped against hope that he'd miraculously recover, like he always did, but it just wasn't happening. I realized that I was watching him die.
A few nights ago, I sat in my dining room and read my book. I felt something brush up against my leg. I looked down and saw The Bear. He was so skinny (just over six pounds) his spine stood up on his back like Mr. Burns.
"How are you feeling, The Bear?" I said.
He let out a slow and quiet meow, and walked into the living room. He wavered when he walked, like he was unsteady, or uncomfortable, or both. When he was about fifteen feet away from me, he stopped, crouched down on the floor, and flicked his little stump.
"Your cat will let you know if he's ready to go . . ."
I got up from the table and walked over to him. I felt a lump rising in my throat as I got down next to him on the floor.
"Are you done?" I said.
He flicked his stump, and looked up at me. His eyes looked a little cloudy; his third eyelid was closed about a third of the way.
"Okay, Felix. Okay." I scratched his little bony head. He purred weakly and tightly shut his eyes.
I knew this moment would come, and I hoped that I'd be prepared to face it, but I wasn't. Huge sobs shook my body. Giant tears fell off my face and ran down my nose.
Ferris cautiously walked over to me from the kitchen. She stopped about three feet from me, sat down, and cocked her head to one side.
"Felix is dying, Ferris," I said. "I'm okay. I'm just sad."
She sighed, and laid down on the floor with her head between her paws. She watched me while I sat there and cried.
Later that night, Anne and I had The Talk. We decided that we've done all that we can to help him, but it's just not enough. He's not really living now . . . he's just staying alive. We promised each other, and we promised Felix, that we wouldn't keep him alive just because we didn't want to say goodbye. Yesterday morning, I called the vet and had The Talk with her. We made an appointment to bring Felix in tomorrow morning.
I know I'm doing the right thing, but that doesn't make it any easier. As I've written this today (and it's taken most of the day to write — I've had to stop writing this several times just to get a grip on myself.) I have realized that Felix hasn't been The Bear for a long time.
I will miss seeing him stand up and stretch himself out on the trunk of Anne's car, before he jumps down onto the driveway and greets me when I open my car door. I will miss him jumping up into my car, and talking to me while he walks around and explores the passenger compartment. I will miss watching him sit in the grass and torment the squirrel in the tree next door. I will miss watching him stump around in the backyard. But most of all, I will miss being on his rotation. Even when he decided that four in the morning was when he needed to go outside, and the best way to accomplish that was to run across our heads until one of us woke up and let him out.
I lost one of my cats last winter after she had a long illness, so I know how difficult that can be. It's hard to see them go like that. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Posted by: sampo24![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.wilwheaton.net/nav-commenters.gif)
at March 29, 2005 03:37 PM
Oh, Will, I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Kristen at March 29, 2005 03:38 PM
Sorry Wil... :(
Posted by: Keith Xgaming at March 29, 2005 03:41 PM
Wil,
I know there is nothing any of us can say that will make this any easier. Just know that we know what you are going through and it is the right thing to do. Euthanization is very humane and unselfish. Your story had me crying as I read it at work. Be strong like the bear.. things will look up. Lots of hugs to you and the family.
Kate
Posted by: kate_13 at March 29, 2005 03:43 PM
Oh Wil...this is just so sad for all of you. You're a good 'staffmember' to have seen what Felix was telling you.
Much love (in a non-stalker sobbing blog reader way) to you and Anne and the kids and the furballs.
Felix...when you get to Rainbow Bridge, say hi to Noelle and Mickey for me.
Posted by: LadyGypsy at March 29, 2005 03:45 PM
*Hugs* and *Hugs* to the Wheaton Family/Zoo.
Posted by: Erin at March 29, 2005 03:45 PM
sad news, Wil. Sending hugs to you and your family. I'm sure Felix has had a grand life with impeccable staff, and i bet he knows it :)
Posted by: cazza at March 29, 2005 03:46 PM
I've lost 3 cats in my life, and I know how it feels. All of them lasted at least 10 years, and it's hard to let go.
Posted by: cbergstrom at March 29, 2005 03:46 PM
really sorry to hear about felix. poor little guy.
My cat used to have a rotation thing for sleeping on beds too, but after i while i kinda figured out why he was doing it. Certain times of the year the sun would shine in different windows on the house and he would pick the bed with the most heat from the sun. clever or what?!
Posted by: Noel Burke at March 29, 2005 03:50 PM
I'm so sorry Wil. I just pulled myself together enough to type this, sobbing by the end of your post. Take care, and hugs to your family. Felix will get to hang out with my cat Blackberry, who we put to sleep quite a few years ago but I still feel like she's just in the other room waiting for a treat. I keep having dreams that I can't find her, and just now I remembered those dreams. Pets never really truly leave, they're a part of your heart forever.
Posted by: Samantha at March 29, 2005 03:53 PM
I'm so sorry Wil, it really is one of the hardest decisions you can make.
Posted by: Annette at March 29, 2005 03:56 PM
I am so sorry, Wil!
Felix will go to a better place & won't be hurting anymore. :(
You guys were good humans to him!
Posted by: Luci at March 29, 2005 04:00 PM
Wil,
This one really hits home hard because I had to have The Talk yesterday and help my dog pass on to the 3rd Life. We have had her for almost 16 years - well before the kids were born - she was family. But it was time and we did what was best for her - not necessarily what was best for us.
This has been really hard on the whole family - especially my wife. After it was over, we are constantly second guessing ourselves and asking if it was really the right time.
The pain fades but never goes away. But that pain helps you remember someone that had such a significant impact on your life.
Hang in there.
at March 29, 2005 04:03 PM
Wil,
I know nothing we can say will take the pain away but I was near tears from the post. Know that you have a large group of people who care about Felix and the rest of the "staff". You were a great family for him and you were very lucky to have such a great cat.
Michael
Posted by: fremenusul at March 29, 2005 04:05 PM
Hi Wil-
First time poster-
Yesterday I brought home a new pet, the first animal I've ever owned as a "grown up." Every other pet I've had has been a family pet, I've never been responsible for a living thing all on my own before and I've been going crazy with worry about how this little, vulnerable puppy depends on me for its safety and survival.
People who don't own pets don't always understand the emotional connection you get with an animal...how a cat or a dog or any other animal becomes an integral part of your family and how you learn to love them with your whole heart. I sat on my bed, reading your post and cried. I hope you and your family find comfort in knowing that you gave a precious little creature love and care and family when he was all alone in the world. That love kept him alive (and kicking!) for years longer than he would have had and I'm sure he thanks you for it.
I'm truly sorry for you and your family's loss and I think you've handled the situation amazingly.
Posted by: Anna at March 29, 2005 04:10 PM
Oh God, that's harsh.
My cat Springsteen was one of those cats that was really independent and wasn’t one for cuddles so we didn’t realise that she got quite severe cancer. When she went off her food for the umpteenth time (as she always had a habit of doing) my mum and I took her to the vets.
As soon as the vet touched her belly she announced that Springsteen was beyond hope and the kindest thing to do was to let go. We were mortified and saying goodbye was heartbreaking, I just kept telling her that I was sorry I hadn’t spotted it sooner. I hope she understood. We couldn't cope with watching her get the injection so we left her there with the vet.
I think it was better to have a memory of her alive and purring than watching her stop breathing.
I really feel for you and your family Wil, you'll be in my prayers.
Posted by: baadbitch at March 29, 2005 04:11 PM
Wil, I'm so so so sorry to hear this. I've become so attached to your cats through the wonderful stories you tell about them, I feel like I'm losing one of my own. I know how hard this is for you...I've been there, too.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way as you get through this with Anne, the kids, and the furry ones. Peace, Danielle.
Posted by: Danielle at March 29, 2005 04:16 PM
I just signed up so I can leave a comment here. Your entry has left me in tears, and my kitties are wondering why I'm suddenly all over them. :}
Wil, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. Felix will live forever in your memories. You gave him a very good life, and I'm sure he appreciates everything you have done (and are doing) for him.
Posted by: meredith at March 29, 2005 04:17 PM
Wil,
Felix was meant to be a part of your life and your family's life. He came into it mysteriously out of nowhere, plopped himself onto your laps and said, "I want to be a part of your life for a while. I want to become a part of your happiness." And it appears he has done just that.
You are an amazing person to take him in and give him a home and love, and he has given you everything and more in return. Were there any moments where his actions prevented an argument? Were there countless times his purring calmed and soothed you? It is amazing what little things he could do that would end up moving mountains, and those little things were meant especially for you.
It may be his time to go, but be rest assured his time was well spent. He couldn't have found a better family to support.
Little angels from heaven helping us along the way.
Posted by: Slacter at March 29, 2005 04:18 PM
I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about this. I've helped to keep a few kitty's alive the way you did with the fluids/subcue treatments/pills and it is always a swing from joy at saving them to the gutwrenching realization that there is nothing you can do to help anymore.
Just remember that "The Bear" is forever on your rotation and if you're lucky, "The Bear 2" will show up to soften the hurt.
Peace and Long Life...
Posted by: b0neman at March 29, 2005 04:21 PM
I would probly lose it if my cat got sick. ive had her for 5 years now and it would probly be the hardest thing in the world for me. but i know she will be waiting for me when I die :)
Posted by: Lisa at March 29, 2005 04:22 PM
I am so very, very sorry. My heart breaks for you and Anne. You'll be in my thoughts tomorrow.
Posted by: squeekybuddha at March 29, 2005 04:25 PM
Goodbye dear Felix. I'm so sorry Wil. Your story is a wonderful tribute to what sounds like one terrific cat. My heart aches for all of you.
Michelle
Posted by: macchelle at March 29, 2005 04:27 PM
I am just so sorry. Very sad. :( You, Anne, and the kids, will be in my thoughts tonight and tomorrow. Stay strong. *big hugs*
Posted by: Quincey at March 29, 2005 04:27 PM
Dammit, Wil, I have a date to go on, and now I'm sobbing. Gahh!
*hugs* to you and the fam. I've been there enough times to know. Thinking of you.
Posted by: tim at March 29, 2005 04:30 PM
Dear Wil,
I'm so sorry to hear about Felix and I think you and Anne are excellent pet-owners and people for being able to discern what your cats need you to know. It takes such bravery to not be a selfish person in such a situation.
I have two kittens, a brother & sister adopted in July 2004 (Gimlee and Bella). I can't imagine anything happening to them now, much less after years and years of loving them.
I'm hoping that you and your family don't feel the sadness for very much longer. Lots of people are thinking good things for you.
All the best.
at March 29, 2005 04:32 PM
I miss my own two long departed black kitties... Bomber and Petey. Felix is going to have a lot of good company.
Hugs to your family "(in a non-stalker sobbing blog reader way)"
Victoria
at March 29, 2005 04:33 PM
Farewell, Bear. Say hello to Patches, and Jynx, and Trixie when you get to your next stop. They'll take good care of you, and show you the ropes. Say hi for me.
Posted by: dansroka at March 29, 2005 04:35 PM
My heartfelt sympathies. Over the years, wondering why we're on this planet, the only satisfactory answer I've ever consistently returned to is that we're here to leave the world a better place, and I'm thankful to all of those who have done so.
You've done that for many people, Wil Wheaton, and the Bear has done that for you. What else is there?
:hugs:
Posted by: dkgoodman at March 29, 2005 04:42 PM
What sad day it must be you and your family.Made my eyes tear. Somethin' how animals just give you that I'm tired, no more look. I had to do this with my dog of 15years. My heart goes out to you all.
Posted by: central scrutinizer at March 29, 2005 04:46 PM
Right there with you guys, Wil. It's heartbreaking to have to lose a member of the family. I hope each one of you knows that thanks to the website there are thousands of people behind you.
It sounds like you've done right by Felix. Good job.
Posted by: DancingGollum at March 29, 2005 04:49 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about The Bear, and my heart goes out to your family.
Posted by: lomara at March 29, 2005 04:51 PM
omg Wil.. I am so very sad for you & your family losing Felix.. I know what it's like to lose a furkid family member... a few times over.. The only thing I can say to try and comfort you is that you know you did your very best to love and care for him while he's here.. I think you KNOW that he knew that too.. That is why he came to live with you & Anne.
He knew your home would be a place where he could live his life out and be loved and cared for..
Sincerest condolences,
Pamela =)
at March 29, 2005 04:51 PM
By the way, not to change the subject or anything, but I noticed the ad in your sidebar stipulating that Doogie Howser may have been the first blogger. I disagree. What about Capt. Kirk, with his weekly starlog entries, broadcast to all who tuned in?
Posted by: dkgoodman at March 29, 2005 04:52 PM
Aw, man, I'm so sorry. I'm just about in tears at work, reading this. I've been through similar with pets (my family used to breed dogs), and it's hard, every single time. I hope I can be as strong as you've been, and I can only hope my pets trust me as much as yours have trusted you. My boys came from a shelter. I have a guess how old they are, but I don't know. All I can hope is that we all do right by the little critters. *hug*
Posted by: Uriel at March 29, 2005 04:52 PM
Wil,
I'm so sorry about Felix. My condolences go out to you, Anne, and the kids. :( *hugs*
Posted by: Kristin at March 29, 2005 04:53 PM
*sniffle* I'm sorry you have to go through this. But I wanted to thank you for the wonderful tribute to The Bear you've made by writing the story of his life here. What a beautiful kitty.
Posted by: Melia at March 29, 2005 04:53 PM
I'm sorry. When I had to put my kitty down in the summer it was the toughest decision that I had ever made. :-(
Posted by: radmama at March 29, 2005 04:54 PM
hey wil,
just letting you know you all are in my thoughts. My cat has a similar problem and is a fighter as well. :) Just remember the good times.
at March 29, 2005 04:57 PM
I'm so sorry that your baby had to suffer. It won't get any easier, this is true.
Whether you believe in an afterlife or not, the fact remains that Felix will no longer be suffering.
The fact that you can let him go instead of forcing him to suffer just proves that you love him.
Posted by: terrible_t at March 29, 2005 04:57 PM
Wil-
I completely understand. I got choked up as soon as I read the title. I'm sorry about Felix, but it sounds like it's time. I'll be thinking about you guys.
Posted by: shane at March 29, 2005 04:58 PM
Hey Wil,
As I started reading this I was thinking this sounds like a story from your newest book, and it was. I just wanna say how sorry I am to hear about Felix. Just remember the best times that you had and he will never truly be gone. I also wanna say your book just a geek is great. i bought yesterday just after lunch and it was the first time i ever read a book in half a day. ever you are ever in Indiana, and need a place to stay, give me a yell and i'll see what I can do.
at March 29, 2005 05:00 PM
That was a lovely remembrance. It's always surprising to find how much our pets are part of the family, and it's always sad that we sometimes don't realize how much a part of our lives they are until it's time to say goodbye. Going to go give the dogs a good rub and round of play in the yard.
Best wishes and sympathy.
Posted by: Alan at March 29, 2005 05:01 PM
Wil
As I sit here and try to send you my deepest sympathy, the tears are still running down my face. Having followed the great battle of Felix The Bear my heart goes out to you and the family. Cherish the good times as I know you do and thank God for all the good times that Felix gave you and your family. He was sent to you that day a few years ago so that he could get the best and have the best the world could offer. You and your family gave the best years he could have had. Thank you. *Hugs*
Posted by: JackW at March 29, 2005 05:01 PM
Hey Wil,
I'm so sorry to hear about Felix. I have been a cat lover all my life, but I do confess to having a special spot in my heart for Japanese Bobtails. A few years back I started breeding and showing them as well. Felix definitely fits the personality profile of the breed too: strong, smart, and utterly fearless.
My clowder (Bobtails and moggy-cats alike) are sending purrs of comfort and love.
Posted by: Jamie at March 29, 2005 05:03 PM
Wil, I had to stop reading this mid-way. We had to go through the same thing. Our family lost the sweetest gray lady from Feline Lukemia a few years back. On Monday we took her to the vet and said we'd do everything to make her comfortable until she said it was time. That Friday she could not use the litter box or eat. We loved her and did not want to let her go but we did not want her to suffer anymore. I cried like a baby...which was her name, Baby.
A bit of happiness, my brother in law gave my parents a new cat shortly therafter for company and now she lets me live with her now. She's my princess and she let's me know it.
Posted by: Michael at March 29, 2005 05:03 PM
I'm so, so sorry. Oskar, who ever so kindly accepted me as his can opener almost nine years ago, is sitting next to me wondering why I'm crying and giving him treats even though he was eating my flowers only minutes ago.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Stef
at March 29, 2005 05:05 PM
I'm sorry about Felix, my eyes welled up reading your post. You'll be in my thoughts.
Posted by: joy at March 29, 2005 05:05 PM
I'm so sorry, Wil. I know how tough it is, I had to say goodbye to my little brat cat last november, and I'm still missing her very much. *hugs* for you and the family
Posted by: Lisana at March 29, 2005 05:06 PM
Wil, this is hard. I remember having to sit there, as my families cat was put to sleep. Her name was Kilo. We got her from my uncle, as a street cat in Buffalo, NY. Her best friend acidently got run over by my grandma. She let me and my sister wash her, but only if she was in the sun, and she let us know she didn't like it. She was always just a little grumpy, unless she was in our laps. And we loved her lots. It was hard to see her go...the house felt empty.
We have 2 new cats there now. Even though i don't live there anymore i feel like they're mine.
Best of luck.
Posted by: AndrewCrocker at March 29, 2005 05:07 PM
Wil, this must be heartbreaking for you and your family. I'm so sorry. It's the best thing you can do for Felix now, but I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier. *Hugs* to everyone.
Posted by: Lilitu at March 29, 2005 05:10 PM
This made me cry... I'm so sorry for you.
Posted by: ~*angelle*~ at March 29, 2005 05:11 PM
*dabs her eyes with a tissue*
They do tell you when it's time. I'll be thinking of you and yours tomorrow, and sending as much strength and healing mojo as I can spare.
You *are* doing the right thing, Wil. You know that. Sometimes the right thing to do is also the hardest.
Warm Healing Hugs To All,
The Goddess of Justice and Vengeance
at March 29, 2005 05:11 PM
I can't say much because I have tears in my eyes.
Letting go is harder than anything in the world.
We lost one of our dogs to a terminal illness
5 years ago. It was and is the hardest decision
to let them go into death because they leave us
behind.
My thoughs are with you and your lovely family Wil.
May Felix pass in the warmth and comfort of
your love.
at March 29, 2005 05:13 PM
It's always hard to lose the ones we love. It sounds like you and Felix both got something out of your time together. Thank you for being such a great cat-dad (and for Anne being a great cat-mom) to such a lost loving little boy. He'll be there on the other side waiting for you when you get there. Love and peace I wish for you all in this rough time.
Posted by: Kristen at March 29, 2005 05:14 PM
oh wil, i'm so sorry to hear about felix. i know just how much you can get attached to a cat... especially one that finds you.
wil, we'll be sending our good thoughts, our prayers, our karma, whatever you need, tomorrow. he'll be going on to a better place tomorrow, one with less pain.
at March 29, 2005 05:17 PM
Sorry Wil. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by: Greg at March 29, 2005 05:18 PM
This is not going to be much consolation, but Felix knows that you all love him. And he loves you too! He will always be special. *hugs* for you and yor family.
Kris
at March 29, 2005 05:20 PM
Well, crap.
That's just really too bad. Even though it's not unexpected. Poor little guy... you're doing the right thing Wil, but that sure doesn't make it any easier.
My thoughts are with you and the family.
(BTW... How freakin' weird yet strangely cool is it that you have this community of folks who are more than ready to give you hugs right now? You're the one who's made it happen with your honesty and genuine writing style, ya know. It's gotta be times like this, as well as the happy-dance moments, that make the hard work all worth it, eh?)
Jenga
Posted by: jenga at March 29, 2005 05:21 PM
*sniff* *wipes away tears* These animals, they make you love them, and then they go and get sick and... and... *sniff* My mum swears she won't have any more pets, she can't handle the pain of seeing them off anymore, and I pretty much understand how she feels. Wil, I'm so sorry Felix has reached the stage where he's ready to go, and that you (as designated adult) has to take the responsibility in taking him to the vet. It is a terrible pain, and although you know it is the right thing to do, it still feels awful. You need to have a kitty wake tonight, celebrate his life, not just mourn his passing.
Posted by: Porfyria at March 29, 2005 05:24 PM
Sorry to hear about Felix, Wil. I know it hurts, but you are doing right by Felix. My Moo-Cat is 16 yrs. old now, and I know the day will come, but I can't imagine my house without her.
Posted by: pmpk4757 at March 29, 2005 05:25 PM
I probably can't say anything that hasn't been said here already, Wil. I'll keep you all in my thoughts tomorrow as you say goodbye. (hugs)
Posted by: Crystal Sage at March 29, 2005 05:25 PM
I'm sorry, Wil.
Posted by: Jason at March 29, 2005 05:26 PM
Oh, Wil!
I know how very hard that decision is to make. Know that you are doing the right thing. My kitty, Bianca, told me when she was ready. I sure wasn't! But I know that she is in a better place and she is not suffering anymore. You and your family have given Felix so much love, as he has to you. *hugs and love* to you and your family.
Moonie
Posted by: moonkiss at March 29, 2005 05:28 PM
Oh Wil, I'm so sorry to hear about Felix. I've been through the same with both a cat and a ferret, and it's never easy. Knowing in my heart that I'd want them to do the same for me if the situation were reversed didn't make the sadness any less complete. Wish him Long Days and Pleasant Nights for me.
Posted by: Lara Nangle at March 29, 2005 05:29 PM
this was a beautiful remembrance of Felix's life. i got teared up just reading it, and had to go hug our kitty (who actually wandered into my roommates' lives in a very similar manner).
i'm so sorry that you have to let him go, but also think you are doing what's best for felix, continuing your obvious love and devotion to him. support and love to you and yours.
Posted by: plutokitty at March 29, 2005 05:32 PM
Nothing is going to make you feel better - I know. But my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Thank you for sharing it with us - that must have taken a lot.
Posted by: CrustyGeek at March 29, 2005 05:33 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry for you and your family. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to lose such a loving family member, but I hope it's some comfort to you that he had a wonderful, pampered life for as long as he was with you. You're all in my thoughts. --Jessica
Posted by: Jessica at March 29, 2005 05:34 PM
I am so sorry to hear about Felix, but at least you have had some time to prepare yourself, even though I know how difficult that is to really do! I lost my dog of 14 years 4 years ago. There is still a hole in my heart that is his! Losing a pet is never easy. My thoughts and prayers are with you for this tough time you are having!
Posted by: CheriBomb at March 29, 2005 05:36 PM
Wil, first time commenter. I've only been lurking here for a short time, but I really love reading your writings.
I am so sorry to hear about Felix. A lot of others have said this more eloquently than I, but, I do truly wish you the best, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family through this loss.
Posted by: LostSerenity at March 29, 2005 05:43 PM
I was so sorry to read about Felix. I went through a similar experience with one of my kitties this fall, and I know it's a heartbreaking time for you all. Thank you for taking the time to share your wonderful memories of Felix with us. He is clearly a very lucky kitty. My thoughts are with you all. --LJ
Posted by: ljfalcon at March 29, 2005 05:43 PM
Oh Wil.
My heart goes out to you.
~Lil
at March 29, 2005 05:46 PM
I'm crying because this will be me eventually. Both my cats are feline leukemia positive. The story of the first one coming into my life is very similar to Felix ... so affectionate, such a tough guy, with an attitude that wants to take on the world but with a body that can't.
Posted by: _peregrinus_ at March 29, 2005 05:46 PM
The most memorable friends we have are the ones who choose us. My Lily and I both wish Felix well, and you and your family comfort and happy memories.
Posted by: mirima at March 29, 2005 05:51 PM
Wil,
I just wanted to add my well-wishes to the avalanche of them cascading down from above this one. I also wanted to thank you for sharing such a personal and painful memory with all of us. Your blog showed up in my life almost as suddenly and unexpectedly as Felix showed up in yours, and since then, it has touched, inspired, entertained, and educated me in countless ways, and I suspect most of the others here feel the same. As you make it through this difficult time, know that you have the love, respect, and support of all of us to help you through it. As a certain firefly captain would say, "That's not nuthin'." Best of wishes to you and yours, and please let us know if there is anything else we can do to help.
Much mojo, lots of love,
Drave
Wil Wheaton Posse Member #four hojillion five and a half gazillion and eleventy-two
Posted by: drave117 at March 29, 2005 05:54 PM
Oh Wil--I am so sad for you and your family. I am still sobbing as I type this. I can't even imagine what you are going through.
My heartfelt sympathies and thoughts go out to you and your family.
at March 29, 2005 05:54 PM
My deepest condolences, Wil. You are not alone. I think most of us with pets feel the way you do. I've lost two kitties in my life so far, as well as a beloved family dog when I was younger. It's never easy but you know you're doing the right thing, you're stopping their suffering - and it's exactly right, they do let you know when it's time. I don't mind the twice daily medicine for my cat Datsa because I almost lost him last year and as far as I'm concerned every moment he's with me now is a blessing. Take comfort in the fact that that Felix knows he has been loved.
Posted by: Elayne Riggs at March 29, 2005 06:01 PM
This is very sad. I know how attatched I am to my kitty and I can't imagine how difficult it is for you right now.
You (and your family) have my sympathies.
at March 29, 2005 06:02 PM
Your story reminds me of many things. My family are cat lovers to the end, and we've had many cats come and go. It's not easy. They're not pets, they're members of the family. That is probably why this also reminded me of my grandmother, who died of a similar illness. I admire your strength. For me, it's been over a year since that happened, and I never really talked about it to anyone.
Try not to dwell on the painful memories. Remember him for the tough little rascal he was.
Posted by: Nymph of Laughing Trees at March 29, 2005 06:04 PM
I would say it better if I had the words, but I don't. I've been where you are now. I know, and I'm sorry.
Posted by: Lisa Jonte at March 29, 2005 06:05 PM
I am so sorry for you and your family. Like so many others here, I know how hard it is to lose a beloved family pet. At least you know you did everything you could for him, and he let you know when he was ready. He went on his terms. My sympathies to all of you.
Posted by: sonjaag at March 29, 2005 06:06 PM
Hey Wil and family, I have started typing this too many times and like someone said above, I just can't find the words. I am so sorry for you and your family but you have made a very unselfish decision for Felix and he will be going to a place where he will be free of pain and illness. Your story about his life was very touching and a wonderful tribute to a beautiful Bear. Thanks for sharing and my thoughts and prayers and with you and Anne and the boys through this difficult time.
at March 29, 2005 06:11 PM
Now everyone at work is wondering why I'm crying... :( Oh Wil, I'm so sorry for you, Anne & the boys. It's so hard to lose a furry member of your family. My sympathies to you all. Huggles, rissatoo.
Posted by: rissatoo at March 29, 2005 06:12 PM
Sympathies Wil. We just put down our third cat to succumb to renal failure in a 3 year span, two of them within months of each other.
It's so very very hard to see them slowly fail and then let go. I'm convinced though, that helping them find peace is more humane than letting them linger. With our momma cat, we let it go too long and I wish we could have spared her some of that pain.
I often feel though, as if their spirits are watching over us still from somewhere. Gone, but never forgotten.
Posted by: Beth at March 29, 2005 06:14 PM
Wil, you'll probably never read this but my wife and I went through a situation that was so similar that I'm a little taken aback.
It's nice to know that there are people like you out there.
Posted by: Russell at March 29, 2005 06:15 PM
My deepest condolences, Wil. Anyone who loves their kitties this much must be a Good Person, and it's so hard to hear about something like this. My kitties are my babies, they're so precious to me, and I cry thinking of something happening to them. I cried hearing that it's time for Felix to go, and we're sending you lots of love, mojo, vibes, and other miscellaneous hippie stuff from the SF Bay Area.
at March 29, 2005 06:15 PM
O Bubastis, Goddess of the Nile, pray keep watch for the arrival of a little black-and-white bobtail cat named Felix, who never scratched or bit without just cause, who has been loved so much by his people, Wil, Anne, Nolan, and Ryan, and who returned that love in full measure. Bear him forthwith to the Eternal Catnip Fields, where he may enjoy his well-deserved rest forevermore.
(I'm fighting back tears as well...I dread the day when this happens to Star, even if it won't be for years yet...)
Posted by: Erbo at March 29, 2005 06:16 PM
I am very sorry that you are going through this. Thank you for being so open, and sharing this with everyone so that we can be there for you in some minor way.
My thoughts are with you and yours.
Posted by: jfargo at March 29, 2005 06:17 PM
Wil -
I am so sorry to hear about Felix. My thoughts are with you and the family (including the furry ones).
Posted by: redal at March 29, 2005 06:20 PM
A beautiful tribute, Wil. Bright blessings on you and yours, and especially your fur people.
Posted by: JaeWalker at March 29, 2005 06:21 PM
It's a cruel trick that whoever assigned life expectancies played on us. Our pets are designed to live only a fraction of the time that we do. It's like having to find a new best friend every twenty years or so as they pass on (if you're lucky).
He'll always be The Bear to you all, and no one can take your memories of him away.
Posted by: Crystal at March 29, 2005 06:21 PM
I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I had a cat a few years back ... had her for 16 years. And I had to make that tough decision. It's not easy. Still isn't after all this time. I'm so sorry.
Posted by: Angie at March 29, 2005 06:22 PM
i have 5 cats i call "mine" (but we all know they own me) ... and i dread this day. 5 times over.
my heart breaks for you and your family.
namaste.
Posted by: rasa at March 29, 2005 06:23 PM
So long, Felix. Be good up there.
Wil & Anne, Felix needs you to watch over each other now that he'll be busy elsewhere.
Posted by: yDNA at March 29, 2005 06:26 PM
Fortunately, most of us will never have to watch our human children die. Unfortunately, nearly all of us have lived through countless deaths of our animal children, which are usually just as painful and not as much therapy offered.
When our family great dane, Hal, developed bone cancer in his leg and had it amputated, my mother bawled to me, "I could've lived with you having your leg amputated more easily!"
"What?!" I thought my mother was SERIOUSLY gone in the head. "You would rather me lose my leg than the DOG!?"
"Well, not really," she sniffed. "But at least I could've told you all of the things we could do for you. We could get you a prosthetic. I could use humor on you and tell you you'd have free parking for life...but with Hal, I can't tell him anything he understands! When I go to pick him up tomorrow (she hadn't seen him yet after surgery), he will just be angry with me!"
When she picked him up the next day, he was so excited he began racing around the room on three legs, forgetting he didn't have the fourth and immediately compensating for it.
Our family made the decision for chemo with Hal (he lived another joyous six months as my sweet "tripod"), and I am happy that you did as much as possible for Felix. I am also relieved that you are not embarrassed about your feelings for this animal child, as it further helps everyone to understand how meaningful the human/animal relationship can be.
Posted by: Tawny Leona at March 29, 2005 06:26 PM
Wow. I normally just read the feed over at LiveJournal, but this had me in tears, so I absolutely had to come, register, and legitimately comment.
What can ever be said in such a situation, though? I know how it feels to a certain extent, though one can never claim to really know exactly how another human being feels, even if they've been through similar circumstances. I had two cats, from the same litter, since they were newborn kittens and I was six years old; about six years ago, one of them had an anneurism (which I still cannot spell to this day), went into heart failure, and, ultimately, had to be put down. He just spent the whole day as we ran from vet to vet and eventually to an emergency clinic hiding in his carrier, curling up in my lap when he was in the examination rooms, and giving me the most weary, mournful looks. He could have undergone a drastic, open-heart surgery and been on treatments for years to come, but even the vets said it was no way to force him to live and that he'd likely be in pain for the rest of his life until he died prematurely anyway.
When I got home, my other cat was waiting for us, though he didn't even go to the carrier to look for his brother. It was as if he knew, just the same, that it had been time. The vets said that it was likely to affect his health and happiness adversely, but even with him now at age fourteen and getting on fifteen, he's the same kitten he ever was. He seemed to be deeply upset for a few days, and he mourned with us and stayed closer to us than usual, but he seemed to realize that it had been for the best as well.
Like any other living creature, a cat knows when it's time to let go, and being kept alive so artificially is not any way to live. I know how much of a heartbreak it can be to have to say goodbye, but in the end, it really is the right thing to do. You've earned plenty of respect from me for having the strength to do right by the kitty.
I know you'll all pull through okay, but my thoughts will be with you and yours. And don't worry too much - I'm sure there are tons of other cats ready for a good fight in the feline great beyond. From what I can tell, I'm pretty confident that The Bear's sure to give 'em heck.
Posted by: RaeCee at March 29, 2005 06:31 PM
I'm so sorry Wil.
I had to go through exactly the same thing with my kitty, Sampo, five years ago. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. She died of kidney failure at two years and a half years old. I know how horrible it is. *hugs* I don't have any words of wisdom that anyone else hasn't said yet, I just wanted to send my thoughts with you, your family and Felix. *hugs*
Posted by: Annakie at March 29, 2005 06:35 PM
I think the hardest part about having to make the decision of letting a pet go is that people who don't have pets don't seem to understand the attachment. I am very glad that you have enough support, both in family, friends, and online folks, that you know we all feel your loss. And we each have our stories to tell.
My thoughts go out to your family.
Posted by: Lise at March 29, 2005 06:36 PM
My sincere and heartfelt condolences, Wil.
Posted by: geezerette at March 29, 2005 06:39 PM
I'm so very sorry about your kitty. I know the best thing isn't always the easiest, and my heart goes out to you and your family... both human and pets.
Posted by: Lane at March 29, 2005 06:44 PM
I felt compelled to join the ranks of folks who have registered today, just to post a reply to this entry. I am truly sorry for everything you are going through with Felix, and as difficult as it is, acting on the knowledge that he's let you know its time is commendable. It takes a strong, compassionate person to let go of any loved one in this way, and you have all of my sympathy.
Posted by: sesen at March 29, 2005 06:46 PM
I'm so very sorry. I've lost two good friends and that last talk is very hard. You did your best and now you are repaying him for all he has done for you. They give us so much and don't ask much--just that we are brave and unselfish for them when they most need us to be.
My deepest sympathies.
at March 29, 2005 06:46 PM
I'm so sorry, Wil. Many thoughts headed out to you, Anne, and the boys. Sounds like he's ready to go on, and will be at peace.
Posted by: Toni at March 29, 2005 06:47 PM
I'm so sorry. I went through that with Harley, who was my One True Cat. My foster daughter at the time took my photo with my kitty girl, right before we left for the vet's. I don't let anyone see that photo, because we both look so horrible, me and Harley, but I get it out to look at it sometimes.
It's so heartbreaking and so hard, but it's the right thing to do.
Posted by: chrismm at March 29, 2005 06:47 PM
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Posted by: Lanna Lee Maheux-Quinn at March 29, 2005 06:48 PM
Somewhere in kitty heaven, there is a book entitled "The Best Humans Ever Owned," and you and Anne are in that book.
Posted by: leenerella at March 29, 2005 06:49 PM
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened!"
I'm not sure where I first heard that, but that kept me going when I lost my dog and my cat. Take care, and I'm sure Felix appreciates this and everything you and your family have done for him.
Posted by: dvmpadawan at March 29, 2005 06:53 PM
Oh Wil, I am so so sorry about Felix. I know how hard it is. I've lost several kitties over the years. I'm crying with you as I write this. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts.
Big warm hugs,
Tracey
at March 29, 2005 06:53 PM
I am so sorry to hear about Felix. I was hoping he would pull through. It seems though, despite the sadness you and your family may have now, that Felix will still leave you with many more happy memories to cherish, and in doing so Felix will live on.
You are doing what is best for Felix. Sometimes that is hard to do. But as time goes on, you will know that you did the right thing.
I don't know you or Felix personally, but I'll say a prayer for him regardless. Also, if it helps, you may want to take a look at petloss.com , it is a website I found two years ago when my rabbit of 6 1/2 years, Mulder, passed away. It is a very nice support site for people who've lost a beloved pet. There is a poem there called the Rainbow Bridge that made me feel a bit more at ease with accepting Mulder's passing, perhaps it will help for you as well. Just a thought.
Again, my condolences to you and your family.
Posted by: amanda at March 29, 2005 06:55 PM
I'm really sorry to hear that. I unfortunately know exactly what you're going through, and I know how much you're hurting now. My thoughts are with you and your family.
at March 29, 2005 06:58 PM
I just wanted to add my hugs and good thoughts to everyone elses. I, like a kajillion other commenters, have lost feline family members. I had four who ranged in age from 15-17 years old. It's been almost a year since Toad, the last one, passed away, and it's nice to remember still the way their fur smelled or the sound of their meows. It's the little things like those you talked about in your post that are really great to remember. I know I fell in love with Felix just reading about him!
You and all your family (including the four-legged portion of it) are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Kate at March 29, 2005 07:03 PM
I'm so sorry Wil. I know *exactly* what you're going through, having just gone through it a few weeks ago. You and your family will be in my thoughts. :-(
Posted by: Maggie at March 29, 2005 07:07 PM
***HUGS***
That is all I can offer for you and yours...
Take care, Odile
Posted by: Odile at March 29, 2005 07:12 PM
My sincere condolances. From your descriptions you did all you could and more, that's cold comfort believe me, but in the days to come it will be something to hold on to; knowing you did all you could, knowing you did more than most folk ever would for your friend. He was as lucky to have you as a companion, as you were lucky to have him in your life. I'm certain he knew how much you and your family loved him.
Posted by: James M at March 29, 2005 07:13 PM
Hi Wil,
I was where you're at now not that long ago with my beloved I-Chaya, and was there two years before that as well with Charcoal. Those two days for me were the most overwhelming, gut-wrenching days in memory. You and the Wheaton clan all have support from this here Monkey.
You did good, if I may say so. Felix lucked out when he picked your garage over any other place to camp out.
Posted by: Tim at March 29, 2005 07:16 PM
I'm so sorry for you and your family. My family has been adopted by quite a few strays over the years, and I also know how painful it is to lose such a cherished friend. Words are never adequate at times likes this, but you have my sincerest condolences.
Posted by: Steph at March 29, 2005 07:17 PM
Oh Wil, I wish there was something I could do or say to ease your family's pain. I know you are glad of the time you had with him, but it doesn't make the passing any easier. Take care, and our thoughts are with you.
Tim, Diane, Copper, Ping, Mr. Bojangles & Domino
Posted by: TimCalif at March 29, 2005 07:18 PM
I'm very sorry, Wil. I have been through this with two of my own cats. It is really hard. You gave him a lot of love and a good home. He wouldn't have had that if you all hadn't found him and taken him in. You vastly improved his quality of life. The way you describe him reminds me so much of my own old favorite cat Smokey. I was tearing up as I read, feeling bad for you and thinking of that cat who has been gone now for something like 16 or 17 years. It's amazing, what animals do for us. You'll have that with Felix -- all those memories.
Posted by: Dana Huff at March 29, 2005 07:20 PM
Hi Will,
I have been reading you blog for quite awhile now. I had to register so how I could let you know how much I feel for you. I have my own little family in my house also, two dogs and a cat. All hard luck stories that I rescued. They are everying to me, as I am sure your gang is to you. I believe everything happens for a reason. Just as I believe my gang found me, I know your Felix found you, and he picked you and Anne because he knew you would be the ones to help him do what he needed to do when it counted. He is somewhere in heaven purring contendedly, snuggled in a cloud, looking down on you and your family, watching over you, Anne and the kids.
Much love,
Tim
Posted by: TimV at March 29, 2005 07:24 PM
I'm truly sorry for your loss. It is such a difficult decision to make, even when they do let you know that it is time. Love and support to you and your family.
Posted by: mushrj at March 29, 2005 07:27 PM
i am so sorry. i'm sure felix will be very happy. i also know that probably doesn't make you feel better. the post was very touching. i was in tears by the end. it is obvious how much you love him and i'm sure he knows it.
Posted by: Megan at March 29, 2005 07:30 PM
many thoughts&hugs for you all. it's always hard. always. i love my fur so much; loved the ones that have already passed on so much too. but i can't imagine sparing myself their loss given the alternative of never having known them at all.
how lucky that felix the bear deemed you all worthy for his place to be. how lucky you got to meet him, earn his trust, enjoy his companionship and his bestowed 'chosen' moments. how lucky for him to have found you in return - a loving home, plenty of willing caretakers, and those understanding and thoughtful enough to take the best care of him, in all circumstances.
rumor sends furry hugs; mutton sends dog kisses.
Posted by: mmrrph at March 29, 2005 07:31 PM
Wil
You took in a stray being with no place to live and gave him a warm and loving home for many years. And you loved him enough not to force him to stay alive when he was finished in this world.
Your Bear will always be with you and Anne because you loved him that much.
I've been where you are twice now in my life. It hurts like hell for a long time. But it gets better. Take care and give your other companions that much more love.
at March 29, 2005 07:33 PM
Words to comfort escape me completely; however the sorrow I feel for you and yours is overwhelming.
From experience, I can tell you that tomorrow morning will be one of the hardest in your life. I sat in the exam room and cried for 20 minutes when I had to put my Punkins down a few years ago.
When I was finally able to come out, the people in the waiting room gave me a big hug. It was very “happy tv ending”, but it did offer me some comfort.
Good luck.
at March 29, 2005 07:45 PM
Sometimes our furry friends are only here for a short time, to make our lives better. And sometimes it seems like they have to go just when we need them the most.
But I know Felix will live on in your heart and great stories here and has gone to that Great Litterbox in the Sky (to quote my cat-fancying aunt who has had to out down her share of "kids").
I have held Todd, my first cat which I "raised" from an orphaned kitten from the time I was 6 until I was 18, when he was dying of cancer.
And Malkyn, who I loved like my own, who recently passed from a very unexpected liver and kidney failure.
We love you, you know you have our support. We love your cats and love you for loving your cats.
Take care and be strong, Wil.
Posted by: Saraphina at March 29, 2005 07:45 PM
Been there, know the pain. You and your family, two- and four-legged, have my thoughts and sympathy.
Posted by: puck_nc at March 29, 2005 07:47 PM
nothing more to say, except:
::hugs::
Posted by: dianna at March 29, 2005 07:51 PM
Wil,
By taking in Felix, you showed him great love and affection, and in return you were given the opportunity to serve a very loving pet and friend. I know that you understand that you are doing this out of love... but take the time to remember the reasons you love him.
Everyday, I regret not taking my old dog, Max, to the vet, knowing that he was suffering. I refused to have The Talk, even with myself. I wish that I had been more loving than that.
Be well, be strong. Take the time to remember
Posted by: Greg at March 29, 2005 07:52 PM
Flower, also once a stray, and I both send our thoughts your way, Wil.
Posted by: Cassie at March 29, 2005 07:53 PM
Just one more voice in the hundres of others, but i know how it is to make that decision, and its one that, even with a pet, no one shoudl have to make. It is, i would say, the right one, though. And i'll be sending mental mojo tomorrow.
Posted by: tuzanoore at March 29, 2005 07:54 PM
Wil, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a pet. You've made a tough decision, but it was the right one.
Posted by: Chuck at March 29, 2005 07:56 PM
My condolences, man. I've been going through a similar time with my dog lately, he's been sick but is pulling out of it. My prayers go out to you, the family, and Felix.
Posted by: Barry at March 29, 2005 07:58 PM
I know you're going to get a thousand emails and comments to this effect, but, I understand how you feel. Earlier this month, my dog, Juliet, was diagnosed with anemia. The night before was one of the hardest nights my family has ever been through.
We came home from dinner and the dog was lying in the hallway. She wouldn't move, and just kept looking at us all sad. We coaxed at her, trying to get her to move, because we had treats for her. She whined and couldn't move. We assumed she needed help, so my dad placed a hand under her sternum and tried to lift her up- she's had a series of leg problems over the past two years, from a minor knee sprain to ripping all the ligaments in one hip, so we assumed her legs were just hurting and she needed some help. When my dad pushed up, she yelped louder then I had ever heard before, even when she screwed up her hip. Again, assuming it was her legs, we tried to get her to take a little chunk of buffered asprin. She refused, which was so strange, because she'll normally take it in an instant if she's in pain. My dad put it in the shell of a mostly gone chocolate covered cherry and she still refused. We assumed she'd be there for a while, so we brough over her water bowl. She drank almost all of it and was still thirsty. I looked her over some more and we talked; it became apparent that she wasn't lying on the floor because she wanted to, but because she had collapsed. My dad gave her a hand and got her moved onto her side, which seemed to hurt her less. My mom went to bed, and my dad went to sleep in the living room. The dog was right outside my door, and I'm used to spending long nights up, so I kept the door open and just watched her all night, asking her what she wanted when she cried. She didn't sleep all night and neither did I. I went in the hallway and laid down with her quite a few times, with all the lights on, whispering to her to just sleep and everything would be okay in the morning, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't move. Around 4am, she finally ate. Around six, she started crying again, asking for something, so I got my dad and brought him in the hallway. We talked to her, asking her what she wanted, and she strained to get up. By this time, my mom was up too, so we all tried to talk the dog into getting up without help, and she did. She walked, slowly and wobbly, to the door. She was taken to the vet's office as soon as it opened, and we were told that with some extra TLC and daily multi-vitamins, she'd be fine. We're happy she's not as bad as she was that night, but it's still a daily struggle. Sometimes she'll just slump onto the floor and look sad. Most days it's a fight to get her to take her vitamin, but she's still with us, and she still wants to be.
I'm so sorry. I hope you and your family can always remember Felix, and the great things he brought to your household.
Posted by: Daini-chan at March 29, 2005 08:02 PM
You guys have done right by Felix, every day you've had with him. I'm sorry for how this hurts. You're in my thoughts.
Thank Felix for all of us here. We're grateful, just his simply having been. He's a good guy, we'll miss him.
Posted by: MtDewAddict at March 29, 2005 08:08 PM
I'm soooooooooo sorry to hear about Bear Wil! I had to go throught the same thing with 2 of my cats, and doing what your doing is the hardest thing in the world to go through. Quality of life versus quantity...doesn't make it feel any better. Bear knows that you and Annie and the boys love him, he wouldn't have stayed around if he didn't. He knows it's time, and knows your doing whats best for him. I know as soon as I read your post what was going on, and had to stop several times to wipe my eyes dry. It'll hurt forever, but the pain does lessen. Just know your doing the right thing for Bear. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all right now.
at March 29, 2005 08:14 PM
I've been following your blog for some time now, and wanted to register to send my condolences. My family's feisty tabby died at age 18 due to kidney failure. We did everything we could for Frodo, including a sad kitty IV, but her body just couldn't keep up with her spirit. She was my big sister, in the family three years before me. Remember the Bear's strength, love, and stumpin around. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Posted by: Lizzerbeff at March 29, 2005 08:14 PM
Dear Wil,
As I read your latest entry about poor Felix, my heart ached. My younger sister lost two pets, a cat and a dog, within a few days of each other. Then, just over a year after that, her firstborn son died of leukemia. So I think I have some small idea of how you, Anne, and the kids must feel right now--my family and I have been there, too.
The only advice I can offer is the same advice given by the late author, veterinarian, and cat lover James Herriott, who said that the only antidote to losing one pet is to get another one. Mind you, Wil, that doesn't render Felix's passing meaningless. On the contrary, in fact--it's a very special compliment--a tribute, if you will, to his memory. It means that you loved him so much that you now want to share that love with another cat. I honestly don't think that Felix would mind; in fact, I can't help thinking he'd WANT you to get another cat--not to replace him, but, as it were, to succeed him, to continue giving you and your family that special affection that only cats can give their humans.
I realize, of course, that you won't feel up to it right away, especially given Sketch's still-fragile state of health (which I sincerely hope will continue to improve!). Sooner or later, though, a time will come when you and yours will know it's time to get another cat. Who knows but that another cat may come into your lives in much the same way that Felix did? In any event, my thoughts and prayers will be with you all during this sad time. Take care, my friend, and God bless!
Sincerely,
Tom Nichol
at March 29, 2005 08:21 PM
*hugs* to your whole family. Know that you are in the thoughts of your readers.
You are right about cats letting you know when they are ready to go. My children and I were living with my parents when Sylvester, our 20-something old cat, died. For several months before his death, he had spent most of his time in my parent's bedroom and bathroom.
Then one morning, I found him in the guest bathroom. According to my parents, he slowly visited the whole house this morning and let the kids pet him. Then he went back to their bathroom, stretched himself out and died.
You're doing the right thing. It might not make things feel better, but you are.
Posted by: MamaSlyth at March 29, 2005 08:21 PM
Wil (and Anne),
All I can do is add my sympathy ("co-feeling", a la Kundera) to the supportive chorus. I am so sorry to hear that Felix's time has come, and for what you are going through. My little Panda is just whining and wondering why I'm not playing fetch with her. I know your house is full of pets to comfort you, but your memories of "The Bear" will always be special. Peace be with the little guy.
-- Christina
Posted by: Christina at March 29, 2005 08:23 PM
Wil,
This is my first comment to your blog. I have a cat that sounds exactly like "the bear." He is one of my best friends and just an extraordinary cat in every way: smart, friendly, and sweet.
When I read your post I could feel your pain. I also thought about what it will be like when my cat passes away, which is something that I can hardly stand to think about.
What I'm getting at is you your post made me cry, the first time I have ever cried after reading a weblog and one of the few times I have cried since becoming an adult.
You are a good man and Felix is a good cat. You'll both be in my thoughts tonight.
Posted by: jc at March 29, 2005 08:23 PM
Wil,
I've never cried over someone's blog entry until now. As a fellow cat owner, who sees her three as her children, your entry has just touched me profoundly. As soon as I get home, I'm going to go run and give a big hug and kiss to Sishi, Macky, and Waldo.
I'm sending you all kinds of mojo, love, strength - everything - right now for you, Anne, the boys, and of course, Felix.
Posted by: Kelly at March 29, 2005 08:24 PM
So sorry, Wil.
Posted by: AmyO at March 29, 2005 08:26 PM
Wil,
Really sorry to hear about Felix. I've got one of those sick kitties too and we've lost one in the past. It sucks.
My thoughts to you and the family.
Take Care...
Posted by: scottvan at March 29, 2005 08:30 PM
oh wil, i'm so sorry.
just think, if it was possible, all couple hundred of us would give you a giant group "bear" hug. pun intended.
Posted by: Jessie at March 29, 2005 08:30 PM
Dragoness and Socks are there waiting for Felix to help him find all the special places to sleep and play.
Posted by: Beth Rose Pizana at March 29, 2005 08:35 PM
About a month ago, my dog (of 11 years) was hit by a car, and had to be put to sleep because of four fractures to her pelvic bone and severe nerve damage. It was incredibly hard for me, so as I was reading this, I started crying again. At least Felix isn't in too much pain. I could see the pain in Sandy's eyes as I sat with her in the vet's office.
I've noticed that my cat, who is normally only friendly when she's hungry or wants outside, has become much more loving and friendly since the passing of my dog. That has helped me tremendously, hopefully the love of your other cats will help you through this pain.
Posted by: Indy at March 29, 2005 08:36 PM
I'm so sorry about your cat, who sounds as sweet as the one that I used to love. But I'm glad that Felix was loved by people who would give them everything he needed and listened to him when he gave them all he had.
Posted by: dymng at March 29, 2005 08:39 PM
Damn. I had such hopes that he'd bounce back and surprise the whole world.
I am really sorry you're having to go through this, you and your family. Felix picked you to be his staff for a reason, you know...lesser people would have given up on him at that first meow.
Posted by: Thumper at March 29, 2005 08:49 PM
4 years ago we, no, I had to decide to put my cat to sleep. Very similar situation, total kidney failure. Our choices were dialysis or the needle. She was miserable and told me right then and there. I was a wreck. I made the call, but couldn't see to drive (sobbing and crying), so my Mom drove her to the vet.
4 years ago, and I still occassionally wonder why she hasn't rushed to the bottom of the stairs when I get home from work.
I'm sure I'm saying nothng new, but, dammit Wil, you're post brought all this back and I'm crying again. Can't read the other posts to see how redundant my words are.
In the end, it doesn't matter how much it hurts, you have to. For them. they can't make the decision themselves. If Felix sees a scrawny lil maine coon named Sequel up there, have him tell her I miss her.
Posted by: Roy at March 29, 2005 08:51 PM
Wil,
You and Anne have been the best parents that a cat could have. Felix was so lucky to find you both. I know a lot of people who would give their life for their pets and do almost anything for them, but I have to say, you top them all! The love you have for Felix and all your cats ans dogs is wonderful.
What you need to remind yourself of is that you and Anne did everything possible to help Felix. I promise you, if Felix could talk human language,he would tell you both how much he has appreciated your love. I know how hard it tis to let your pets go. I have been there and almost did not think I could come back to reality. Then one day I said the same thing a lot of people have said. They will let you know when it is time to go. Felix will always be in your heart.
It wasn't just something that happened when Felix showed up at your house that day, it happened for a reason. Felix knew that he found "home". Home is where the heart is and you and Anne seem to have the biggest hearts around! Words cannot say how sorry I am for you both! In times like these words sometimes don't cut it. I will say that you all are in my prayers and If I could do more I would in a heartbeat! You just know that you have a friend on the other side of that computer.
Posted by: JCade at March 29, 2005 08:58 PM
I've never commented to one of your posts before, but I've been reading your blog for over a month now. I'm so sorry to hear about Felix. I work at a vet clinic and unfortunately get to see this side of things from time to time.
You gave Felix a great life and you loved him. You've been wonderful to him, and him to you and your family.
Posted by: Sim at March 29, 2005 08:59 PM
Blubbery mess now.
And not because I'm allergic to cats.
It's because I now feel for a cat I haven't even met.
Not to co-opt this into a political thing, but it's a relief (to me) in our society that at least we can assist our pets into the next life if they let us know their time this round is through. Wish it were that way for our human friends and family.
Posted by: jslicer at March 29, 2005 09:01 PM
I am so very sorry about this, Wil. This is a very hard decision to make, and I am certain that Felix will thank you for respecting him and his wishes up until the very end. The truest sign of love is the willingness to let go when the time comes.
Posted by: luvie at March 29, 2005 09:03 PM
Wil,
I am sorry to read that about your cat.
FG
Posted by: FABIAN at March 29, 2005 09:05 PM
Wil, I sat here for a half hour typing and retyping my comment. Then I said, "I won't comment because I don't want to be stupid or cliche", but screw it.
Dude, you and Anne are awesome people, and if it weren't for you guys, The Bear would have never had a family and would have walked around getting in fights with nobody to clean him up afterwards. You were a blessing for the Bear, and I imagine the feeling is mutual.
We're all keeping the Wheaton family in our prayers.
Posted by: drdrew at March 29, 2005 09:05 PM
My wife and I went through the same exact situation with our cat Tigger. My wife got her when she was just a kitten and when she turned 9 or 10 the same thing happend to her. For two years, my wife religiously gave Tigger an IV of lactaited ringers. Eventually though, it just didn't help, and we had to put her to sleep. It was probably one of the hardest days in our life, because unless you have a pet, you don't realize just who much a part of the family a dog or cat becomes, and it is the saddest thing when you lose one. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: xenos007 at March 29, 2005 09:13 PM
Bless you, Anne, and the kids. Remembering the good times with Felix will help you long-term. It's Hell short-term though. He was a lucky cat to choose you.
Love & Peace, Clarence
at March 29, 2005 09:14 PM
I know there's nothing some dude from Indianapolis can say to make you feel any better, especialyl after all the wonderful comments posted before mine. But know that the posse mojo is going your way. I guess it's about remembering who he was, not that he's gone. I know that Felix's memory will live on not only with you guys but with the whole Posse.
Posted by: Jason (xtra-rant.com) at March 29, 2005 09:16 PM
Wil! hugs and comfort to your whole family... there isn't anything harder than knowing you won't see any more of a familiar and loved face. you guys hang in there! ~~jolene
Posted by: Jolene at March 29, 2005 09:19 PM
To paraphrase a quote from the movie The Crow: "If the things we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them." First time poster, Wil, and my heart goes out to you, your family, and Felix. I can remember being about 3 or 4 when we had to say goodbye to our dear little Kit-Kat. My mom has told me that when she first brought me home, KLit-Kat slept by my crib. When I was older, she slept in my bed, and was basically known to the family as "Anna's Cat," even though we had come by her long before I was born, in much the same way that Felix came to you and Anne. We had to put her to sleep because she had been hit by a car, and there was too much damage done. I loved the little bugger, as my mom referred to her, and I miss having her around. Reading this reminded me of her, and how much I loved her. My mom will probably be coming out soon to tell me to go to bed so I can get up for school, and I know she's going to ask why I'm crying. My friends and I have been following this for a while now, and this is breaking our hearts. They want to say something now, so (on behalf of my family and little sister, who has been asking for updates every day) I wish you and the family all the love in the world, and send hugs.
(My friends want me to add these bits, they're on Yahoo Messenger and sent me these that way.)
Maddy: Oh my god...*cries* Poor Felix, poor Wil and Anne, poor Nolan and Ryan! *cuddles Mikey and Sassy The Wonder Cat* I've been in that situation before myself, and it was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. You and yours have all my love, and I send hugs as well.
Angie: *is crying too and cuddling Treat* Awwwww...I was hoping he would get better, but sometimes things don't go the way we want them to. I'm a recent pet owner, and I love my little Treat to death. I send hugs, love, and everything else to you and your family, Wil.
We prayed every night for Felix and your family, and we'll be praying again tonight. Just know that you did the right thing, and Felix will always love you for it.
Love and Hugs from the Sisterhood of Shes (Pennsylvania Division),
Analee Harriman (shewhobeatsass)
Madeline Kimmel (shewhokicksass)
Angela Stevanus (shewhowhupsass)
Wendy Harriman (shewhoistooyoungtostayuplate)
at March 29, 2005 09:26 PM
Wil,
My mother was given a Siamese kitten shortly before her wedding. Simon was the Supreme Kitty Overlord for eight years before I was born, and for years I was convinced Mom loved that cat more than me. Near the end of her life, Simon's body started failing her all at once. At that point she was 21 (human) years old and had many problems, kidney failure among them. She was old and frail and we did everything we could to make her better and keep her comfortable and happy. In the wake of treatment, she suffered a severe stroke and as we struggled to deal with the aftermath Mom had to make The Decision.
We could have kept Simon alive, but she let us know quite gracefully when she was ready to go. Simon remained affectionate and alert until the end, and we could tell she was grateful that we had cared for her and given her a chance to say her final goodbyes to what had been a long and full life.
As painful as those last goodbyes were, Mom never doubted that she did the right thing. Simon had been with her longer than most cats dream of living, and she would have never been as healthy or long-lived as she was without the care and love that she was given in our home.
You, Anne, and your family have given Felix the greatest thing any animal (or human) could ask for - attention, respect, and love, even to the exclusion of your personal feelings. Felix is a very special kitty; whether he's been with you six months or twenty-one years, you both gave each other your best, and that's what's important.
Kudos for having the guts to make your decision, Wil, and remember that we're all going through this with you, every painful step. Ya done good. You guys will be in my thoughts tomorrow and I'll smile at the thought of Felix winging his way to kitty heaven. Tell him some of my friends will be waiting!
Posted by: Code Pirate at March 29, 2005 09:35 PM
Wil, thanks for your post about Felix.
We had to put our dog Woody down two years ago this month, before he was even a year old. Your post really brought back all that pain and the memories of how difficult and sad that time was for us. But it felt good to feel that again, and to know again how much I loved that little dog and still do.
Our version of The Talk and the decisions that came out of that was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. But in the end I know that we did it out of love for our friend. It felt cruel that the most loving action we could take was to end his life, but that's how it was.
It wouldn't hurt this bad if it wasn't real love, and I hope there's some comfort for you and your family in that.
Posted by: Paddy at March 29, 2005 09:37 PM
Oh.. I had to go cuddle my cats after reading this. Such a sad time for all of you! Felix was definately a member of your family, and his memory will be a bright spot in your lives always. My thoughts are with you and know that Felix has a lot of friends on the other side, including my Ziggy, Calico and Autumn.
Posted by: Khali at March 29, 2005 09:40 PM
hey Wil,
Man, I am so sorry for your family's loss, but as a lot of others have already said, you guys are great people, and I'm sure that Felix has had a great life. He will live on with you.
Terry
Posted by: oboeterry at March 29, 2005 09:43 PM
Wil,
That's rough stuff. You write so well it was as if we were all there in the same room with Felix on your lap on that last night. You both did the right thing in that garage on that first day. And did all the right things until the very end. Like any good cat's staff should. :)
My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Mike W. at March 29, 2005 09:49 PM
Oh man. That had to hurt, to write. Thank you for sharing it with us, and all my sympathies to you, Anne, Nolan and Ryan. I will be thinking of you all, and Felix, tomorrow morning.
Posted by: jessa at March 29, 2005 09:56 PM
You don't know me, Wil, but I felt compelled to comment anyway.
Through your writing, you've shared The Bear's life - at least that part of it he lived with you - with all of us. We're the richer for having known him, even second-hand, and I'm sure we all feel your loss.
You know you're making the right decision, and you certainly don't need me to reinforce that. But it's always a fine thing to let go of those you love, when it's time, and not try to cling past the bounds of reason. I wish you and your family - the two- and four-legged members both - all the best in the days to come. Think of The Bear often, so he continues to be a part of your family, and I'm sure he loved being part of it, however much he might have tried not to show it.
Posted by: Lilith at March 29, 2005 10:09 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that, Wil. I'll be thinking of you and your family tomorrow.
Posted by: Celli at March 29, 2005 10:11 PM
We've had to make this hard decision twice over the past few years. We'll have to again, soon. Both of our babies are 14 years old.
There's one lesson I've learned. You say:
"I know I'm doing the right thing, but that doesn't make it any easier."
That's it. It's a time when your head must rule your heart. Listen to your intellect, not your feelings, because it will _always_ feel like murder.
It isn't. My saying that -- all of us saying that -- won't help.
But I hope knowing that there are others out here on The Internets who also know that sick feeling will help you deal with it.
Posted by: Leviathan at March 29, 2005 10:12 PM
In the last year I had to put down both of my cats, both were about 14 years old. It was sooo hard. Pumpkin I had to take to the vet and have the Talk all in the same afternoon by myself. I was house-sitting for my Parents at the time and I had to call a friend to drive me to the vet. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The other died about six months later and I couldn't bear to go to the vet with them so I said my goodbyes to her there on the kitchen floor. I know exactly how you feel. I feel for you...
Posted by: Kudra at March 29, 2005 10:13 PM
Wil,
So sorry to hear about Felix, all cats are special and letting one go is very hard. You are doing the right thing, however difficult that may be for you.
6.
Posted by: Number6 at March 29, 2005 10:15 PM
Wil, I also recently lost a our family cat, a friend of mine sent me this webcomic done by someone who also lost a pet cat. While reading it makes me sad, it also makes me happy to think of where he is now.
http://www.mows.com/and_so_passes_tigey.html
remember the good times, Felix will.
at March 29, 2005 10:15 PM
Wil and Anne -
I can't control the tears as I write this and I can barely read what I'm typing. My heart is breaking for you both. My parents had cats (and dogs) when I was born. I've never known a life without them. When most of the kids were out hunting and trapping, we were out rescuing everything in sight. I rescued my first pair of wild cats when I was in the 7th grade. And there have been many more since. Those of us who are lucky enough to be "owned" understand the pain and the loss you are both feeling right now. And there's nothing anyone can say or do to take that pain away - we can only tell you we're here sharing it with you. They're more than just pets - they're family. They're your children. And in many cases, it's more painful to lose a pet than a human. You don't get all the complicated crap you get with people. The relationship is just simple and pure. Completely unconditional. You feed them, give them water, they love you forever. Even if it is on their terms. You gave The Bear a wonderful and comfortable life. And he knows he was loved. Thank you for having a heart. Thank you for sharing it with a million people you don't know. Our thoughts are with you.
Melissa (and Pookie, Maggie, Mama Kitty and Stinker)
Posted by: Melissa Bugg at March 29, 2005 10:19 PM
Geez I know: it freakin hurts hurts hurts hurts HURTS.
I lost my beloved first dog ever, that I'd picked up as a stray in my 30s. Never did I think I would be a dog person, but he chose me... he looked into my eyes like no other living creature has ever done. For 13 solid years he was my Budley boy, a black lab/??? mix. He was doing OK and he BEAT cancer, and he had a great time the weekend before he died swimming in our pool and letting our young niece and nephew stroke his soft black ears, if a bit curmudgeonly.
While we were out one day, he had a complete neurological failure. He couldn't stand. He couldn't move his head the way he wanted. The vet didn't know what the hell was wrong. After a day of vet visits he looked in my eyes. It is SO hard to get that bad news from the one you love and feel that war with yourself. The war of wanting to have another day with the sweetie who is your family, battling what love says is the best thing to do, the only thing. Love sometimes is a hard whipping judge with a stern gaze and a solemn hard gavel whack. I hated that. I still hate it. And I am tearing up right now thinking of it. Damn.
Big hugs to you and your family, Wil.
Posted by: cosmiquemuffin at March 29, 2005 10:25 PM
Wil-
Your post brought tears to my eyes. You and Anne are in my thoughts while you cope with your loss. Losing a family member is never easy.
As staff for an older cat with health problems, I fear the day she decides to tell me it's her time. My heart is with you two.
Posted by: prettiekittie at March 29, 2005 10:26 PM
Wil,
I am so sorry to hear about Bear. I had a hamster named Pippen (after Perigrin Took)that was about 4-5 years old. Now the standard life for a hamster is 2-3 years. I think he was a Lich, because everytime we would bring home a compainion for Pippen, it would die off in a couple of days. Thereby extending Pippens own life. Anyway on March sixth I gave birth to a wonderful 7.8 pound baby boy, who we named Talon David. A week later we went to michigan to take Talon to visit my parents. We stayed for 3 days, then came back to Wisconsin. I went say hello to my little guy, and opened his cage. I found him lieing still, which was normal for him. He was the only heavy sleeper in the house. I found that he had pased away. I was heart broken...I had it in my head that he would be around for a couple more years, so I was not prepared to lose him. When we left for Michigan, he was happy and playful. We lost a very loving, family member that day. I feel what you are going through, and all I can say is...I am sorry. Stay with him, and let yourself (the family) be the last thing he sees. Much love to you and your family Wil.
at March 29, 2005 10:29 PM
Wil - my thoughts are with you and Anne and your family. The Bear may be ready, but you will never be. *hugs, tears and vibes*
Posted by: jj at March 29, 2005 10:35 PM
I believe that Felix found you guys for a reason, and you and your family gave him the life he deserved. It seems that many of us bloggers have lost members of our animal families recently, and i like to think that they are all up there together, playing freely without pain, and doing the things they loved to do. My prayers and thoughts to you and yours...( I have often been moved by many of your posts, but this is the first time i have actually commented)
Posted by: rileymom at March 29, 2005 10:40 PM
They leave such a hole in our lives. It can be a shock to realize how important they become in our every day existence.
Love to you and your family Wil. I'm making a little donation to Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Felix's name.
Posted by: Laurie Drew at March 29, 2005 10:40 PM
I' m sorry Wil. Hang in there.
at March 29, 2005 10:48 PM
Dear Wil, I'm so sorry for you and your family! I've never had to make the decision you've had to make, so I cannot imagine how that must have felt.
I'm just glad that you have such a wonderful story to remember Felix by; it really seems like he was meant to be with you, for whatever reason. *hugs*
at March 29, 2005 10:49 PM
I'm so, SO sorry, Wil! I've been in your shoes so I know how devastating it is. Felix is scampering in that big cat pasture in the sky but you've got all the memories that won't ever go away and will always be a part of your life. Felix and my Runt are probably screeching at each this very moment!
Take care, bud!
at March 29, 2005 11:07 PM
My condolences for your loss, Wil.
Posted by: Prodigal at March 29, 2005 11:17 PM
I'm sorry to hear about Felix. When I first started reading what you wrote, it didn't quite hit me why you were writing it, but once it did hit me, I immediately got tears in my eyes. I know how much it hurts to let your furry friend go, as do many of your other readers. I miss my little furry brother very much... so much so that right now my new kitty is looking at me, wondering why I'm crying.
You'll be okay in the long run, Wil, even if it doesn't seem like you'll ever feel the same again. You're doing the right thing, and I'm sure Felix appreciates everything you've done for him.
Posted by: RalFeeus at March 29, 2005 11:18 PM
Wil & Family,
I'm so sorry to hear that Felix has to go - he's had a happy time, with great staff, warm beds and a loving house and now you're letting him go with dignity. My thoughts are with you all right now - you're showing the wee chap such love to let him go now that he's ready but I know it doesn't make it any easier.
Cry, laugh and remember; and may he forever walk in your dreams.
love
Claire
Posted by: Claire at March 29, 2005 11:23 PM
What an incredibly moving post. Thank you for sharing all this whilst you and your family go through such a traumatic event. The Bear is expecially in my thoughts.
Posted by: steve newson at March 29, 2005 11:24 PM
{{{{{{Wil & Family}}}}}}
Posted by: Ravdoss at March 29, 2005 11:39 PM
i had a dog that i had for 14 years and i just couldn't part with it towards the end. i should've put it to sleep to end the suffering but i was selfish. you and ur family are doing the right thing and i'm sure that it will leave the world happily after being cared for by such lovely people. my condolences.
Posted by: folklorefrog at March 30, 2005 12:01 AM
Hey wil,
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you, anne, ryan and nolan. I'm sure that The Bear is happy wherever he is, and will be with you forever. Sending you some happy/condolences mojo! Bye Felix.
Take care
rach
at March 30, 2005 12:24 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about Felix. My cat Kelsey, whom I'd had since I was about 5 passed away in January, and I'm still having trouble getting used to not seeing him when I go to visit my mom's place. I'm sure Felix will stick around in some way though, he sounds too tough to just disappear completely.
Best wishes.
at March 30, 2005 12:25 AM
*HUGS* I'm sorry for your loss... :(
Posted by: Brandice at March 30, 2005 12:42 AM
I'm very sorry, Wil.
Expect lots of mojo from my neck of the woods in the morning.
~j
at March 30, 2005 01:10 AM
*Eyes are red right about now*
Wil,
Felix has blessed your and your family's lives, but he has also blessed our lives over the internet. Not many cats get to do that in the nine lives that they have. He will be greatly missed.
"If I should ever leave you,
Whom I love
To go along the silent way. . .
Grieve not.
Nor speak of me with tears.
But laugh and talk of me
As if I were beside you there."
~~Isla Paschal Richardson
Panda the cat, Tim, and I want to bid Felix The Bear a safe journey and a great big hug for his staff.
=^..^=
Posted by: Crissie at March 30, 2005 01:22 AM
Wil, I'm sorry to hear about Felix. I remember what it was like to lose my Butterscotch. I had him cremated, and still can't bear to part with the case his ashes are in. I loved that cat. You have my sympathies, Wil.
(And also, Comments from users on one of the LiveJournal feeds:
Sistersola: Oh Wil I'm so sad for you and your family. I'm so crying right now - I know how much it hurts to lose a friend.
Big kitty hugs for Felix, may we see him again in heaven!
Blackbirdshaq: Oh, Wil.
I'm so sorry.
*hugs*
Jade_Woulf: We just lost a ferret a few weeks ago due to old age. I know how it feels to lose a pet, and they do tell you when it's time to go. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Prettie_Kittie: This made me weep.
As a cat owner, I dread the day my oldest (who has had health problems) tells me it's time for her to go.
Wil, I am so sorry for your loss!
))
(Sorry to take up the space, but its so rare anyone posts comments directly on the LiveJournal feed, I thought I would share the ones that are there.)
Posted by: Eric/Fyre at March 30, 2005 01:25 AM
It's 1:30am and I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out in front of the computer. For the first time in many years, I feel the steady regard of many feline eyes. Rusty, the cuddly orange tomcat; Spook, black queen of our house; Tough Guy, long and lean and easy-going; Grey Cat, with his sly way of stealthing himself into your lap; Dee, a fierce temper whose heat steadied down into the warmth of love over the years; Abbey, my shoulder cat; and Mallory, who was in our lives for just 3 months and left us so much richer for her presence.
I've had many family animals put to sleep over the years, but Mallory was the first one I had to take the responsibility for. She came into our lives seven and a half years ago, a 13 year-old queen who filled the cat-shaped void in our lives. 3 months later, after a terrifying week of Mallory steadily growing sicker and weeker, I was standing in an emergency clinic at midnight with Mallory in my arms, saying good-bye. I held her until she'd gone on ahead.
I was crushed for a long time. Circumstances have conspired to keep us from having another cat, but for many months I didn't want another one. Mallory helped teach my daughter to crawl in her time with us and was patient and kind.
I feel them all now, looking on me, their hearts and mine reaching out to you and your family. As other commenters have said, Felix will be in good company. I know just a few of the stellar souls he will be joining, and I know he'll be with you always.
Posted by: Devin L. Ganger at March 30, 2005 01:44 AM
I'm so sorry.
Posted by: froya at March 30, 2005 02:39 AM
Wil, et al.
I am truly sorry to hear of your loss, I know it's hard to let go...I've just had to do it for the second time several months ago, with our cat Tabby. The first time I had to make that heartbreaking decision was last year with Tabby's brother, Syd. Each of them suffered from kidney failure, dropping weight at an astounding rate. I wish you all the best during your grieving, I still have those moments when I look for Tabby and Syd to come running down to meet me at the door after work...
Posted by: M.A. Durkee at March 30, 2005 02:58 AM
Sorry to hear that Wil. I'll go hug my two kittens (not really kittens, but that's what I call them) right now on your behalf.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Craig & Caroline
Durban, South Africa
at March 30, 2005 03:10 AM
That really sucks Wil. I was really rooting for you and The Bear, but I guess it's just time to let go. I remember when my dog ran away for two days, I was an absolute wreck, but knowing your cat is going for good must really tear at you. I am really sorry Wil, I hope things start looking up for you and your family soon.
Posted by: Mitch Malone at March 30, 2005 03:23 AM
Wil and family.
I sorry to hear about Felix. I have a cat and know exactly what it's like to be on the rotation. My cat loves to lay under my bent legs when I go to bed.
Pets are a big part of our families and life would be a lot poorer without them - even when they bring us pain.
My sympathy goes out to you and your family.
at March 30, 2005 03:26 AM
Our family of seven (2 adults, 1 child, 4 cats) offers our sympathies to your family.
It's weird that I picked this day, of all days, to start reading your blog.
Posted by: Jennifer at March 30, 2005 03:45 AM
I'm so sorry - losing someone you love, animal or human, is the worst thing there is, and having to make that huge decision, even when it's the only real choice, is shattering.
Posted by: phoebesmum at March 30, 2005 04:08 AM
Here in the material world, every story has a sad ending. That's why it's so important to enjoy the ride.
"Life is life - whether in a cat, or dog or man. There is no difference there between a cat or a man. The idea of difference is a human conception for man's own advantage." ~Sri Aurobindo
I'll chant an extra round of the maha mantra and hopefully send a little positive energy your way.
Posted by: FNRThomas at March 30, 2005 04:08 AM
I'm so sorry about your Felix, and I wish you and your family all the best. Love and best wishes.
Posted by: Green Queen at March 30, 2005 04:45 AM
Very sorry to hear it, Wil. It's always rough to do what you have to do in such circumstances, and that's the responsibility of taking on pets. My family lost a beloved dog just a couple of months ago, my girlfriend had to put her 'old geezer' dog to sleep six or eight months ago, and I just received word that a friend back in Ohio had to have her dog companion of 16 years put to sleep.
The worst was losing three cats that were 10-15 years old over the course of a week, two to the violence of a pit bull getting lose in the neighborhood, my brother was outside and saved the third cat. Unfortunately the cat was diagnosed with kitty AIDS and would not have tolerated being an indoor cat for his remaining days and he did not come home from the vet. Broke my heart.
But things improve, and my improvement this weekend was asking my girlfriend to marry me. I did it at the Arizona Renaissance Festival, on bended knee, and both of us in costume. It was fun! We also bought a pair of puzzle rings for our wedding rings, I'd bought a pair a year ago as sort of pre-engagement rings. Naturally I blogged about it. :-) http://www.livejournal.com/users/thewayne/27805.html
So life does go on, and good things will happen again, and odds are that you'll find yourself adopted by a charismatic feline sooner than you think.
Posted by: wwphx at March 30, 2005 04:53 AM
Wil,
I am so sorry. I know this is hard on your whole family. You make a tough decision but it was the right one. Felix knows how much his people loved him and you brought each other a great deal of happiness. He won't have to suffer anymore in a sick body that couldn't contain his lively active spirit. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts as you spend the next weeks adjusting and accepting your loss.
Sandra
Posted by: swl-mom2Bryn at March 30, 2005 04:57 AM
A beautifully written piece on a very sad occasion. You and your family will never forget the unique presence that was Felix. Despite your present heartbreak, aren't you glad you all found each other? Peace, Felix.
Posted by: maycomb at March 30, 2005 04:59 AM
Oh Wil, I'm so sorry. I can no longer have cats, due to allergy (which my husband loves, the bastard), but I know how special they are. We now have dogs, and my little bitches are simply the furry sisters to the naked baby. It's hard, but your family will come together, and all will be well.
Posted by: caraewell at March 30, 2005 05:03 AM
Goodbye, Felix. Please say hello to Pete and Leo and Hissy and Snowball and Junior and Cat for me, 'k?
I'm going to go hug my babies, now.
Posted by: Bronwyn at March 30, 2005 05:17 AM
Sorry to hear that, Wil. :( I wish you and your family all the best. Just hang in there.
Lots of love to you, Felix.
Posted by: Nadia at March 30, 2005 05:33 AM
I am so very sorry, Wil.
Tell Felix to say "Hi" to Mama Cat, Rowan and Nicky. I'll tell my dogs who have passed to give him a nice honor guard (ya hear that Jenny, Becky, Kate, Murfey, Maggie and Pinhead?)
Hang with it Wil.
Posted by: Jeff Ray at March 30, 2005 05:44 AM
Giant condolences to you and your family (including your animals). Losing a loved one is a hell of a thing, isn't it? There are just no words.
Lonely animals seem to have an ability to seek out the best, exactly right type of people to latch on to. I think Felix knew you guys would take care of him the moment he chose to show up at your house. He Chose You to spend the rest of his life with, and for that you guys can be so proud.
Elyssa
Posted by: Elyssa at March 30, 2005 05:46 AM
My heart goes out to all of you.
Once again you have bought back a mixture of memories for me, accompanied with good deal of tears.
Hold each other tight.
at March 30, 2005 05:54 AM
I'm so sorry to hear that Felix has decided to go. It's never easy to deal with that. Our Siouxsie had kidney disease 10 years ago, and I've only recently been able to have another cat in the house. He showed up at your house for a reason - he knew that you were a good family, and that's what he wanted.
All the best to all of you - may your hearts heal quickly.
Posted by: Spyderkl at March 30, 2005 05:54 AM
Wil, there are no magic words, no trite quotes, no amount of saying "you're doing the right thing" that can ease the hurting you're feeling right now. I've been in your situation and tried like you: The food, injections, everything.
It's time.
I'm crying for you too, man. A big linebacker-esque guy sitting at his desk at work, crying for a poor sick kitty thousands of miles away sounds silly, but I'm doing it anyway.
Strength to you.
Posted by: Thomas at March 30, 2005 06:00 AM
It’s always the “annoying” things we know we’ll miss the most. Last Monday I had to put my ferret, Piper, to sleep. He was five years old and it was the first time I had to make the decision by myself. He was really suffering and I didn’t want to let him go – for me and for his brother Knuckles, who has never been without him a day in their lives. But my ex husband and I took him to the vet and said goodbye. And you know what? I’ve only cried a couple times because I know that it was his time to go. He clearly told us. You can take comfort in the fact that you let Felix tell you when he wanted to go.
On Easter Sunday my five month old puppy, Pixel, had a seizure. We had to rush her to the vet. It’s quite clearly not her time to go because they brought her back from that horrible episode. Having had epilepsy myself I can sympathize and that makes me feel a little bit better.
One of the many things I thought about in that emergency room was that I’d have to make a post in my blog about some puppy mojo for Pixel. I got that idea from your blog of course. And you know, it made me smile in the midst of all that turmoil.
Now we’re just watching her for more seizures to see if she needs meds. It’s nice to be an “animal person” and to be able to (for the most part) see if your pet needs to be euthanized or not. Best of luck through all of this. Our thoughts are with you.
Oh, and if you’ve never read “the tenth best thing about barney” you should. Children’s books can be very comforting in the simplest ways.
at March 30, 2005 06:07 AM
As soon as I started reading this entry I was saying "No, no, no, no, no!" I knew how this one was going to end. It fucking sucks going through this Wil. Although you are doing the right thing, it still totally sucks having to do it. I've been there, the last time was about 7 years ago and I still think about the fuzzy, skinny lil shit, a lot.
I feel for ya man,
Sharfa
Now I need to go clean up my tear stained snot laden face before the boss gets in.
at March 30, 2005 06:18 AM
Wil and family,
My deepest condolences. Take care of yourselves. I don't have any stories to help inspire, or any similar experiences that I wish I could share to possibly make the hurt a little easier to bear, but all I can offer you are hugs and warm thoughts from far away. All the best.
Posted by: phoenix at March 30, 2005 06:21 AM
i'm so sorry wil. be strong, you've got a loving family and 50,000 friends.
Posted by: mike1138 at March 30, 2005 06:21 AM
Wil & Anne & Family -
I'm so very sorry. Having been there with two of my cats, I know there's not much to be said that will make a difference right now. I hope that you can feel all of the good thoughts we're all thinking for you, and for Felix.
Klutz from Michigan
Posted by: klutz at March 30, 2005 06:24 AM
I knew when I saw the title what was coming. And it still made me cry.
I've got several friends up there in kitty-heaven who will certainly be waiting to play (or in my little Bug's case, probably pick a fight) with Felix.
Posted by: brigid23 at March 30, 2005 06:28 AM
I'm really not a cat person at all...but your story really turned on the waterworks this morning. Damn you Wil Wheaton! j/k...I am sorry for your loss, but I'm sure Felix will be up kickin' some ass in Kat Heaven soon enough ;
Posted by: wheresmymind at March 30, 2005 06:28 AM
Wil,
Last night my roommate came out of her room, and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said 'The Bear is getting put to sleep'...I'm so sorry Wil. Losing a pet is heartwrenching and terrible. Thank you for being comfortable enough with your e-family to share your pain...
I can't really add to what others have said. you've made the right decision, a decision i don't know if i could make. my dog is getting older, and i'll never be prepared for that day, when I have to let him go. so I know how incredibly brave you are. Our thoughts are with you and anne and the rest of the wheaton clan.
-K
Posted by: Aethera21 at March 30, 2005 06:29 AM
I'm so sorry, Wil. My co-workers are probably wondering what the heck happened over in my cube. I know nothing will make letting go any easier, but Felix the Bear most certainly had a happy and wonderful life– one that you helped give him. My thoughts are with you & your family and I share your pain.
Posted by: ignote at March 30, 2005 06:39 AM
Awwww, I'm so sorry. Hugs and much love to you and your family. I can't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound smarmy or presumptuous, so I just wanted to send love and condolences your way. And a little mojo too, for the healing you'll be doing.
Posted by: MiladyGreenEyes at March 30, 2005 06:41 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this news. Thank you for telling us Felix's story, and about the very hard decision you and your family made. Your vet was wise, and you listened to Felix...it doesn't make it any easier, for sure, but I hope it helps you to know you all did the right thing, and you love him. And he loves you. I'll be thinking of you Wheatons today.
All my best,
Caro, Frodo & Gomez
Posted by: Caro at March 30, 2005 06:44 AM
So sad and sorry to read this. Our thoughts are with you and your family today.
Lacey, Loki, and Pumpkin
and their human, Marianne
at March 30, 2005 06:51 AM
goddammit, wil... i've been reading your blog for years now, and this really hurts. i *hate* crying while reading posts! my partner and i have 2 cats who are now 14 and 12, respectively, and lately i've been feeling the need to come to terms with the reality that they will not be around forever. they are healthy and happy, but i know it won't last forever. your recent posts about felix and sketch were reminders that i can't ignore it, either. i grieve for you and your family. i don't know if you will read this (over 200 posts ahead of me!), but if it's any comfort, you did all the right things, from a buddhist perspective: you held the utmost respect and compassion for felix during his life, and you did not hold on to him just because it was too painful for you to let him go when he was ready. i'm guessing his next life will be a good one. i will offer incense for you and felix today.
Posted by: franko at March 30, 2005 06:51 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about you and Anne's loss, and have nothing but respect for the hard choice you both had to make. Good thoughts for you all!
Posted by: electricsoup at March 30, 2005 06:56 AM
Coming to such a conclusion is NEVER easy and I'm not sure whether it is easier to see it coming and prepare for it or for it to happen spontaneously but reading your entry brought me to tears.
It's been awhile since i've had a good cry - since my cat, Tigger, passed away over a year ago. Felix 'the bear' was a very lucky kitty to have such wonderful people who all love him as much as you and your family do.
It's never easy to have happen to a feline family member and I want to wish your family well as you go through this tough time.
Much love.
Posted by: pyrofenix at March 30, 2005 06:59 AM
Just sending a giant hug and massive alpha waves of support your way, Wil. Thank you for wonderful proof of the power of love and the strength of compassion. Like others who've commented here, after reading your post I went around to our menagerie: four cats, a dog and tortoise, and gave them all huge teary hugs. Yes, you can hug a tortoise — it ain't easy and the tortoise wasn't at all into it, but it's doable on occasion. Tonight, you made it mandatory.
Posted by: Will Campbell at March 30, 2005 07:04 AM
Man, Wil, that's rough. I know exactly how you feel. One of our cats went through 3 seperate surgeries about 5 years ago to excise malignant lumps in her chest. We thought she was going to die each time, and each time she pulled through. But after the last surgery, she just didn't go back to her normal self, and she died a week later from complications (congestion, kidney failure, heart failure).
Mystic was part of my wife's life for something like 12 years, and part of mine for 2 of those. By the time I knew her, she was pretty cranky, especially towards men. (Apparently, one of my wife's VERY ex-boyfriends tormented her by putting her into the toilet bowl while my wife was out of the house, closing the lid, and flushing. I'll never understand some people.) But via love (and extensive bribery) I had just about convinced her that I was "all right". When she was dying, she crawled into my lap (something she seldom did on her own) at the Vet's office and looked up at me, as if to say "I have to leave, so it's up to you to take care of her now. I trust you." Then she curled up in my lap and went to sleep. She died the next morning.
Posted by: Rodan at March 30, 2005 07:12 AM
From the amount of comments, you are obviously not alone in this situation. We all feel for what you and Anne have gone through.
I remember the day Zooey came into our den and sat on the arm of the sofa and put her paw on my shoulder. She weighed less than 5 lbs and was all skin and bones with a bit of fur. She hadn't been sick, she was just old. She knew she was ready, but I certainly wasn't.
My husband and I made the decision to go to the vet that morning; waiting would only prolong our agony.
Zooey (and her sister Franny) had been my cats before meeting my husband. But it was Dan that stayed with her while the vet gave her the injection. I was outside the room looking in, sobbing, as was Dan.
It was the hardest decision I've ever made, but Zooey was ready and I couldn't make her want to live if she was done. I miss her to this day (it's been over 5 years) but I know we made the right decision. She's at peace and she had been a wonderful friend to me for over 15 years.
Posted by: mar at March 30, 2005 07:16 AM
He sounds like a really special cat. You have been priveledged to be his people. He couldn't have picked nicer or more caring staff to spend the end of his life with. You are lucky to have known him, and he is lucky to have had you.
Posted by: Grrly at March 30, 2005 07:21 AM
Letting go is always the hardest. You've done well by your cats; but you know you've made the best choice for his care at this point.
Major Mojo from my fat cat Buster, fighting kidney failure himself, hopefully for at least 10 more years!
Posted by: miskaffon at March 30, 2005 07:26 AM
God Wil, I'm so sorry. I've done this 3 times since I was an adult and it doesn't really get any easier to do.
Gather the family, tell your most favorite Felix stories, and love the rest of your animals even more. They will be looking for Felix too, you'll have to tell them, maybe more than once that he's gone, why he's gone, etc.
Best wishes.
Posted by: aeframe at March 30, 2005 07:26 AM
Dear Wil:
My best to you and your family. It's so hard when you have to make this decision for the animals you have brought into your home. As a responsible owner, you try to make the right decisions for care and feeding. This, too, is the right decision for you to make. Our small ones look to us to care for them. And as hard as it is to make the decision at the end of a life, it is the right decision. My thoughts and tears I share with you.
at March 30, 2005 07:30 AM
I lost my cat Molly after only five years just three weeks ago. I felt her heart stop beathing beneath my hand and watched her eyes glaze over. She had started "screaming" in the middle of the night. I came into the room and she was bouncing all over the place. Going nuts. Finally she flopped over and I stayed with her until she died. I'd had her since she was a kitten and I was living alone - right after college. About a year ago she started having trouble breathing. And she'd go through these stages where she wasn't able to sleep and she'd just lie there and force her body to breathe. We'd spoon-feed her the wet stuff (her favorite) until she got better. She hadn't had an incident in about six months so we thought she'd recovered. Not so much.
Reading your post made my eyes tear up. It brought back memories of me crying on the kitchen floor and then back in my bed in my wife's arms. Bill Clinton was famous for saying "I feel your pain," but rest assured that I *do* feel your pain and your sadness. I'm imagining Felix and Molly and millions of other cats prancing around in that place where cats go when they die. But they live on in spirit - their identity alive forever. Playful, ruinning.
at March 30, 2005 07:44 AM
I lost my boo a little over a month ago. I never realized how lucky I was to have her for 17 years of my life. She had been through everything with me... school, college, boyfriends, jobs. She was always my big fat cat.
Then about 6 months ago she just started wasting away. I ignored it. Partially for my own selfishness. I didn't want to admit there was something wrong with her. When she dropped from 17 pounds to what looked like 9 or 10, i finally broke down and brought her to the vet.
She wasn't there 3 hours before the doc called and said she was severely diabetic. He told me I would have to give her insulin shots twice a day and she should be okay. I debated it for the rest of the day. Would she really be okay? Does she want to be okay? Is she ready to just let go? Can I let her go?
I decided to give the treatment 30 days to see if I noticed any improvement. I learned how to give her shots, something I never thought I could've done. It's amazing what you learn you can do when you have a little tiny life in your hands. But she never did get better and I had to do the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I had to let her go. And she was ready.
Not a day goes by that I don't miss my Mauser.
I am so sorry for your loss, Wil, and I thank you for allowing me to shed a few tears for all of our loved ones this morning. And know that Felix is up there hanging out and chasing squirrels in Kitty heaven.
Posted by: freebird at March 30, 2005 07:45 AM
A toast! to Bear, who loved as he lived, with every fibre of his being!!
To Wil and Family, my deepest sympathies. . It was in that garage that Felix had chosen to share his life with you and your family.
best wishes
mels
at March 30, 2005 07:45 AM
Wil,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your cat. It's always hard to lose a pet that's dear to our hearts, but thank you for sharing it so elegantly.
Miles
Posted by: Miles at March 30, 2005 07:50 AM
This Monkey's Gone To Heaven.
Dude, I'm not ashamed to admit that I just balled my eyes out.
My deepest and most sincere condolences(sp?).
at March 30, 2005 07:54 AM
Wil,
I've been following The Bear's saga with tears in my eyes too. I lost my own sweetheart, Ben, two and a half years ago after his two year long battle with kidney failure. I had to let him go to the Rainbow Bridge a week after my son was born.
He let me know he was ready to go and he also let me know he was happy with time he'd had here.
Ben will be waiting for Felix, and I'm sure they'll have a grand time waiting for us to join them someday.
Strength to you and your family.
Melissa
Posted by: Ms. Lulu at March 30, 2005 07:54 AM
Wil,
I've been following The Bear's saga with tears in my eyes too. I lost my own sweetheart, Ben, two and a half years ago after his two year long battle with kidney failure. I had to let him go to the Rainbow Bridge a week after my son was born.
He let me know he was ready to go and he also let me know he was happy with time he'd had here.
Ben will be waiting for Felix, and I'm sure they'll have a grand time waiting for us to join them someday.
Strength to you and your family.
Melissa
Posted by: Ms. Lulu at March 30, 2005 07:54 AM
Wil I feel for you and your loss. Take comfort that his pain will stop, and he will only have the memories of you and your family to accompany him on this Great Path that you need to send him on, Wil my friend, it is his time. Remember, all roads eventually lead to the Great Path.
MattinJapan
Posted by: mailynx9 at March 30, 2005 07:54 AM
Oh, Wil...
I am so sorry that it has come to this. We knew the day would come, but we always hope it would be in the far distant future. You and your family are very much with us today, as always.
I know from experence that this is not an easy thing to do. However, it is the right thing to do for Bear. You are a good man, baby. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now. You are doing what is best for your boy.
I've already hugged Precious for you and will be thinking about y'all and sending you the best.
Remember that Bear will be waiting on the Rainbow Bridge for you, sweetie.
Posted by: Cookie at March 30, 2005 08:13 AM
Wil,
Saying goodbye to a pet is always hard - I can't imagine what I'd be like if I lost one of the Mascots.
You and your wife are awesome people for taking in yet another cat, giving him the kind of life he deserved, and making sure that he didn't end life in tremendous amounts of pain.
I've seen four pets go in my lifetime. It sucks hardcore, every time. But I'm sure you're strong enough to get through it.
Many of us out here have gone through the pain of saying goodbye to a pet, as I'm seeing from all the stories above. I won't bother spending the time sharing mine as well.
But it does get better with time, and I'm sure that as much as it hurts, you know you're doing the right thing for Felix. Treasure the memories, always.
Posted by: Mike at March 30, 2005 08:16 AM
Wil,
This is the first comment I've posted here, but I visit a lot... I just wanted to send my love and support to you and your family. I know how it is to lose a pet-- When I was only about fourteen my sisters and I lost our cat Sugar when our neighbour's wolf attacked it... I actually had to hold Sugar and watch her die, so I definitely understand your trouble. As a few others have said, I'm sure Sugar will also be there to welcome Felix.
Nani
Posted by: Nani at March 30, 2005 08:17 AM
Sorry for the loss you and your family are going through. Memories keep friends dear.
Posted by: Brian M at March 30, 2005 08:42 AM
Sorry for the loss you and your family are going through. Remember memories keep friends dear.
Posted by: Brian M at March 30, 2005 08:43 AM
Dear Wil, Anne and family,
While I am deeply sorry for your loss and this terribly difficult decision that you all have had to make, I have to thank you for opening your hearts and home to dear Felix/The Bear. To love is to risk such pain and you did so anyway. Thank you for your compassion for The Bear and having the strength to be able to say goodbye. I cry for your loss and I hope that the joy you have had will soon outweight the pain of saying goodbye.
Posted by: Emily_Nelfnoffen at March 30, 2005 09:08 AM
Just signed in to tell you this. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss.
Your kitty trials of late have mirrored my own. My darling Fizgig was diagnosed with a similar heart condition about a week after Sketch went through his drama. Fiz is 11 and I can't bear the idea of losing him, but I've had the Talk with him and he understands that I won't let him suffer. Fortunately it looks like the old man will be around for a little while longer, but one never knows.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Felix sounds like he was a lovely addition to your family and I know he will be greatly missed.
I wish I had something more to say, I've read your blog for years now and never commented. You're a very interesting man and I'm always delighted to read your stories. Give Sketch, and Ferris and the whole rest of the family my love.
Posted by: Teleri at March 30, 2005 09:12 AM
Lots of tears and love from here, Wil. I'm so sorry. It sounds like Felix had a grand, loving family with you, and that's the most any kitty can ever hope for.
You're doing the right thing, out of love. It's tough, but you all know it. I'll hug my kitties extra tight tonight and think of Felix.
Posted by: solcita at March 30, 2005 09:13 AM
Wil & Anne, I'm so sorry. Here's a poem us "horse people" passed around to friends. Hopefully, it will give you some comfort......
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable........... All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster... .... You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. ............. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Posted by: zipposwaywardsun at March 30, 2005 09:13 AM
My wife and I are very sorry for your loss and send our deepest condolences. Always keep Felix in your heart and he will live forever.
Regards,
Jeff
Posted by: numberwhun at March 30, 2005 09:13 AM
Wil,
Thanks for this post. My wife and I just put our 16 year old cat down 2 days ago - she had kidney problems, lost the use of her legs and finally gave us the look (with meows). It was hard but we did the right thing to help her. It sounds like you guys are doing the right thing too.
One other thing - keep writing about it. I'm a visual artist and I've made lots of drawings as she got sick and now that she's gone. Keep writing.
Posted by: wwc at March 30, 2005 09:14 AM
I'm really sorry Wil. I'm thinking of you and your family.
Posted by: Marie at March 30, 2005 09:22 AM
I've never known what to say at times like this, so I'll just kinda let it flow and see what happens.
Wil, Anne, the boys, and the menagerie: I'm so sorry to hear about The Bear. I hope that you'll all take the happy memories you have of him and keep them with you forever. That's what pets are for: The love and good times shared together, brightening everyone's lives, including their own.
What you did for Felix, taking him in when you found him and couldn't locate an owner, that's real compassion. You're to be commended for showing unbiased love to him, and he has certainly repaid that debt by giving you guys many years of love in return. Ultimately, you are responsible for making his last years truly happy ones.
Sending out lots of love and recovery mojo to all of you. It'll be a rough time for sure, and it won't be easy at first. Hell, I'm sure it won't be easy at all from here on in. But, like I said, just remember the good times and the love that your family and The Bear shared. Even after he's gone, he'll still bring smiles to your faces, and that way, he'll always be with you.
Good Journey, Felix. Thanks for being a part of our leader's life, and by association, all of the WWdN readers' lives. None of us will ever forget you.
Tonight, I'll raise my Guinness high for The Bear...
Posted by: Eric in PA at March 30, 2005 09:25 AM
Dear Wil,
As someone in my family passed away a few years ago, I had the uncontrollable thought that her animals (or the animals that had adopted her) might be her guide in the hereafter...a nice thought that just popped in my head as she left. I know that sounds crazy, but who knows? The thought of a horse, two dogs, and a herd of stray cats waiting for her on the other side kind of got me through the day.
We send our thoughts and love to your family. Hope your memories will comfort you as you all(human and otherwise) adjust.
at March 30, 2005 09:31 AM
Wil,
The degree of difficulty you had in writing this latest entry is quite evident.
Thank you so much for sharing these very personal thoughts with those of us who enjoy the skillful writing of this window into your life.
I have worn the cat/vet/saying goodbye shoes on more than one occasion.
Here are a few odd words of comfort: It never gets any easier.
Your Friend & Admirer,
Kevin.
Posted by: Kevin Hanson at March 30, 2005 09:42 AM
Wil, Anne, Ryan, Nolan, and all the furry members of your family:
There's a family here on the East Coast who is thinking of you as you go through this difficult time. We've been where you stand, and it is a bleak, but necessary place. Rest assured you've done what you can for your little friend, and he's let you know his wishes. You've done the right thing for him -- as hard as it was for you to do it.
He'll always be with you. Sometimes at the most difficult times, his purr, his sound, his smell, his presence, will rise up from the universe and comfort you. So, remember that -- as long as you remember him, he won't be totally gone.
Be well and be with each other this difficult day.
We're with you guys.
Warmest hugs and scritches to all of you, from Spacewriter, Space Composer, Pixel, Miranda, Laz, and Obie.
Posted by: spacewriter at March 30, 2005 09:42 AM
Oh Wil, all my love to you and your family. I went through the same thing last summer, and it was so hard, but take joy in knowing that Felix will be running around in kitty heaven having the time of his life.
-Bri
Posted by: Briski at March 30, 2005 09:42 AM
I hope all this support helps you in some small way. I really admire how much you've done over the years to help Felix, and I'm sure he appreciates it too - fewer animals than we would like are lucky enough to have their people dedicate so much time, effort, and money into giving them every possible chance. It takes so much courage to face this last day, and know that you have a lot of strength behind you, 'cause we're all thinking about you and Anne and the whole gang. He'll go on knowing that he was really truly loved, and who can hope for better than that?
Posted by: Alyson at March 30, 2005 09:44 AM
I'm sorry, man. I really am. I lost my cat Spot to kidney failure. He was two years old. It was caused by a birth defect in his kidneys. He went through the sonograms, the fluids under the skin, the medications and then he and I had the talk, and I took him into the vet and had him put down. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know how you feel and I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.
Maybe Spot and The Bear will meet up in the hereafter. I'm sure Spot would be happy to show your kitty around.
Hang in there. I know it's hard, but you're doing the best thing for Felix.
Posted by: swingbug at March 30, 2005 09:50 AM
As so many others have done, I'm offering my support and prayers to you and your family. This is such a hard thing to go through: I'm about a month from having The Talk with my vet about my Mandy, whose been with me for nearly 18 years. It never gets any easier to actually say goodbye, but it does get easier to know when that time has arrived. My heart goes out to you all.
Posted by: JT88 at March 30, 2005 10:08 AM
Signing in late, but I was so moved by the beautiful tribute to Felix you've written here, I wanted to let you know.
Posted by: Nikchick at March 30, 2005 10:20 AM
Wil,
I don't know if you'll read these all as you're probably being inundated with good wishes, mojo, and thoughts. But you know that it all comes out of our love, care, and/or respect for you and your family. To quote former Vice-President Walter Mondale, speaking about his friend and also former VP Hubert Humphrey:
"He taught us all how to hope and how to live, how to win and how to lose, he taught us how to live, and finally, he taught us how to die."
From your writings, I think we can all see that this applies to Felix just as much.
Stay strong.
Posted by: Schmutzig at March 30, 2005 10:23 AM
As one who had to make the same decision last June - I am thinking about you and your family. Why is it that the most important thing we can do for our animals is the most heartbreaking?
Posted by: Lionesstrader at March 30, 2005 10:26 AM
Wil, Anne and family,
Im am so sorry. Our animals have our hearts. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I hope I have the strength, as you both did, to know when it is time to say good-bye. It makes me so sad to even think about it. While he can no longer physically sleep in your bed (one of life's greatest joys - even when they take up all the room and you have to sleep in the fetal position AND they snore!)...he's in your hearts forever! With much sympathy. - A.B.
at March 30, 2005 10:27 AM
I realised there's absolutely nothing anyone can say that can make you or Anne feel better. But you're being thought of, as is Felix - and my own, Binky, Bilbo and Frodo. It's a terrible loss and my heart goes out to you - but like other readers have said, Felix chose you and Anne, he chose to make his home with you, and you know cats - if they're not happy, they'll up and leave.
So Felix must have been blissfully happy.
Posted by: Cybersyd at March 30, 2005 10:49 AM
Felix lived one hell of a life, and he was loved. His kidneys can't make him hurt anymore.
*hugs*
How are the other pets reacting to his absense?
Posted by: AT at March 30, 2005 10:49 AM
Oh honey... I know all too well what it's like to watch a kitty go. My first cat, Pywacket, was 16 when he decided it was time to die. For three days he wouldn't eat, hardly drank. He was just curled up in the corner of the couch and would love on us when we came near him. Then the third night, he wobbled his way under my mother's bed and just... went.
Cats are amazing little creatures, aren't they? Snag your heart with ease and don't let go. My three now have me wrapped around their little fuzzy paws.
Posted by: MelodyAnne at March 30, 2005 10:49 AM
Ah, Wil,
My heart goes out to your and your family. I've been reading without posting before but felt like I should because of your tragic news. We have been there twice. The first was 3 years ago Our youngest cat, Smee, got really sick, very quickly. Turns out that he was diabetic and his kidneys were failing. Never had a symptom until he lost alot of weigh in a short period of time, like, 3 weeks. He looked much like your description of Felix...Mr. Burns. It was devastating. He was 7. The second time was 2 years ago when our oldest cat, Ashley, also became very ill, very quickly. Liver failure. She was 15 and I'd had her since I graduated from college, so she'd been with me pretty much my entire adult life. She was with me all through my life as an actor/singer, up through my life as a mom who teaches others how to act and sing. I still miss them both, but especially Ashley, only now it's not in a sobbing, devastated sort of way. Now it's with slight melancholy over what things she might enjoy, or how our 3 year old daughter would love her, but mostly it's just with love. My thoughts are with you.
at March 30, 2005 10:49 AM
Well, it certainly looks like a lot of love and sympathies are being shared Wil. Good luck you and yours during these sad-times, I'm sure Felix and enjoyed every loving minute he's shared with you guys.
--T
Posted by: t_knotts at March 30, 2005 10:50 AM
This is an unspoken aspect of pet ownership; that we have to willing to make this very hard decision. You did the right thing for Felix, at the right time.
Posted by: Grmbrand Johnson at March 30, 2005 11:03 AM
Wil, Anne, Nolan, and Ryan,
I am so sorry that you had to make this decision about Felix. It is never easy having to say goodbye to a loved pet, especially when you have to make the choice for them, because they are not living life to the fullest any longer. I wish there was something I could do for you all, but since I can't I will just send you (((hugs))).
Tracy
at March 30, 2005 11:04 AM
Hey Wil (and family),
I completely understand your pain, and how incredibly hard it is to lose a furry loved one. Our dog died a little over two years ago, and it ripped my heart out. Her death was unexpected, which made it even worse - she was happy and vibrant in the morning, and that evening she was gone. The memories still sting a bit, even now.
I grew up with a cat that found us much the same way Felix found you and your family. He is approaching 18-years at this point, and while still healthy, is slowly deteriorating. My family and I have never regretted taking him in and providing a home for him. It's amazing how much you learn when you're "chosen" to be the cat's people. (I really like how you put that, btw - because that's exactly how it is.)
I've since moved out, married, and been chosen by a new cat (we were visiting the Humane Society - she stood up, stretched and looked at us like, "It's about time you got here. Let's go."). But I still love visiting my parents' house, and having my now-geriatric kitty curl up in my lap, and sleep on the bed we use. I know it'll hurt when he decides to move on.
Thank you for sharing your feelings and your experiences of Felix with us. Here's to Felix, his people, and the love that was shared and he thrived on.
-kre
Posted by: kreleia at March 30, 2005 11:10 AM
Wil-
I'm so sorry to hear about Felix. I know what it's like to lose a cat especially when he's one that is so close to your heart. My deepest condolences go to you and your family. He was so lucky to have found such a wonderful family to share his life with.
at March 30, 2005 11:11 AM
Wil and Anne,
I am so sad and I am so sorry for your loss. The story moved me to tears. Those of us who have been privileged enough to have a wonderful friend like your Felix know the pain you are suffering right now. It's never easy to say goodbye but you can bet Felix appreciates the fact that you loved him enough to end his suffering. It would be easier if they could talk, wouldn't it. Make sure that all the rest of the furry kids accept his leaving too. There may be a little upheaval in the hierarchy in the house. Keep going Wil. You are a fantastic author and a great story teller. I look forward to reading the site every day. Much Love and Sympathy.
at March 30, 2005 11:16 AM
Wil
I've been reading here a while, but this post has moved me to words. I really hope you and your family are looking after each other through these tough times.
Remember the good times with Felix.
Tom
Posted by: coasternut at March 30, 2005 11:16 AM
Wil,
Long time reader, first time leaving a comment. Your trial with Felix has brought tears to my eyes a number of times now, and I'm so sorry for you. My partner and I call one of our kitties a little bear too, especially when she stands up on her hind legs. Losing a kitty is losing a member of the family and my heart goes out to you.
Posted by: Colin at March 30, 2005 11:19 AM
Wil,
Our dog Sassy died a couple of days before Christmas just a few months ago. My spouse and I were on vacation. A friend was Sassy-sitting -- we weren't there. I can't help but believe she felt abandoned and gave up. She was old and quite frail, but we chose not to put her to sleep before our vacation, so we'd never feel that we rushed the decision due to our trip. I can't express how much we regret the manner of her death. Had we put her to sleep, she would have died with us there to make her feel loved. It's almost April, now and I still cry almost every day. (Heck, this brief note has been an ordeal to write.) I just want to let you know that while not everyone will understand your grief, many of us do. Further, we understand that putting your pet to sleep for the right reasons is an important act of love.
Steve
Posted by: Steve Hughes at March 30, 2005 11:27 AM
Wil,
I was going to give a long sympathetic message, but since everyone else beat me to the punch...I'll just send you some virtual hugs. Your kitty was very beautiful.
-Kaytlyn
at March 30, 2005 11:28 AM
Wil - I am so sorry for the loss that you and your family are suffering.
Alan
Posted by: OddieTaco at March 30, 2005 11:32 AM
Sending some love to Felix and you and your family. Thank you for sharing part of him with us.
Posted by: blackunicorn at March 30, 2005 11:38 AM
I won't lie to yas, I broke out in tears when my beloved pet rat, Farkus Bulkmire, died in my arms of a genetic defect. You probably aren't a rat person, Wil, but let me tell you, they are fascinating creatures. Farkus in particular was like a tiny dog, she would come running across my room to me at my command, and greet me with licks all over my face and arms. I would often wake up to her curled up in a little ball next to me on my bed, and it was fun listening to her scamper around and eating whatever edible object she could find. She was truly unique, it was very hard to watch her go.
Anyway, losing a beloved pet sucks, it's just one of the things you sign up for when you decide to be a pet owner.
Posted by: Waffleton at March 30, 2005 11:43 AM
Wil, our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours - sorry to hear about your loss. At least you do not have to go it alone.
Posted by: bugfreezer at March 30, 2005 11:54 AM
That's the bravest decision that you and Anne had to make and you know it's what's best for your little Bear. The only thing I can say is that know that he'll never truly leave. Your memories will keep him alive forever!!!
Posted by: Sweetbug74 at March 30, 2005 11:56 AM
So sorry, Wil. I lost my cat Fairy to cancer a few months ago. It was very painful to let her go, but I'm thankful for the joy she brought to my life. In time, the happy memories become a comfort.
Posted by: AnaE at March 30, 2005 11:59 AM
Wil and Anne,
So sorry to hear the news. My favorite kitty died from kidney failure over 10 years ago -- I can completely sympathize with you.
At the time I was away on vacation with my then boyfriend (dumped him before dating Martin), when my parents (who were also vacationing) called me to let me know that my cat, Tuffy, wasn't doing so good. Our house/cat sitter noticed Tuffy's deteriorating condition and took her to the vet -- my poor kitty's kidneys were failing. I rushed home from vacation just in the nick-of-time. Normally an outdoor cat, Tuffy had been brought indoors to the laundryroom where she could lounge in her basket bed. As soon as I walked in the door she started purring loudly and meowing as best as she could (which wasn't much at that point). I was sobbing. I was holding her thin figure in my lap and petting her for nearly 10 minutes when she purred and meowed once more and passed away. I was just devastated. I think she was just waiting for me to come home and let her know that it was okay to go. We had three other cats at the time, Butterfly, Miss Kitty, and Jasmine. I gave each of them a chance to say their goodbyes to the Alpha leader of their group. I really think that they could tell that she was missing. Jasmine especially was affected by the loss, because she was the only one that Tuffy let sleep with her or share her food.
Tuffy was the first born from my first cat's litter, and she passed away just a day before she turned 15 years old (human years). My deepest sympathies for your family.
~Jody
Posted by: Jody T. at March 30, 2005 12:07 PM
Wil, I'm so sorry you had to do this, even though you know and Felix knew it was time.
The great mystery writer Kinky Friedman had to say goodbye to his cat Cuddles a few years ago. In his tribute her, he wrote:
"People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.
They say when you die and go to heaven all the dogs and cats you've ever had in your life come running to meet you. Until that day, rest in peace, Cuddles."
I go back and read that when I start feeling overwhelmed with things (two of our cats have similar health issues): it gives me a bit of comfort. Rest in peace, The Bear. Say hey to Cuddles when you see her.
Posted by: Biscuit at March 30, 2005 12:09 PM
My heart goes out to you and the family.
When I was a teenager we had a poodle mix named Gypsy who I thought was the greatest dog in the world. She used to sleep on my bed most nights. I went off to college and eventually got married. In the meantime, my father died and my mother, who had been boarding Gypsy with friends who had other dogs, decided it wasn't fair to Gypsy to take her away from those friends, so she gave them Gypsy.
Years later, after my divorce, those friends moved somewhere where they could no longer keep Gypsy, who was getting quite old by then. They asked my mother if she would take Gypsy back, and she asked me if I wanted her. Gypsy was blind by then, and painfully old, but she still knew me, and was happy bumbling around my house for a while.
After less than a year, it became clear that life was beginning to become too painful for her. She never really recovered from my house being robbed while I was gone and she was there. I knew it was time, but it took me two weeks to get the courage to bring her to the vet for that final visit. When it was done, I took her home and buried her in the back yard, crying my eyes out the whole time. Even now, there are tears streaming down my cheeks writing about it.
Anyway, that's an awful long way to get around to saying I understand what you guys are going through and sympathize. I sure hope Kinky Friedman is right...
Posted by: RobertS at March 30, 2005 12:19 PM
Your family and Felix are in my prayers and thoughts.
Posted by: Anne at March 30, 2005 12:19 PM
As long as you remember Felix, he isn't really gone. Thank you for sharing him with us.
Posted by: animated_max at March 30, 2005 12:20 PM
Wow, Wil, that was an incredibly moving post. I've only had to deal with the loss of one pet in my life, but it still makes me all shakey to think about when it happened. And it took a long time to come to terms with my guilt for not putting him down when I probably should have. So just know that you ARE making the right decision. You'll be grateful for that in the years to come, whenever you remember Felix.
Sounds like he was a cool little guy, I'm very sorry for your loss.
Posted by: svenden at March 30, 2005 12:24 PM
My work-day started with tears after I read this entry, and ended with tears after I viewed the picture in your photo blog. So very sorry for your loss. Truly sorry. *sniff*
Posted by: Eury1074 at March 30, 2005 12:29 PM
(((((((((((((WHEATONS))))))))))))))))
You're in my thoughts. I've been through what you're going through too many times. I just appreciated my angels as long as there were here on this earth sharing their precious time with me.
XOOXXOXO
1cutebird.
at March 30, 2005 12:31 PM
OOOPS! Total typo....they were here on this earth with me.....I was crying while typing and my emotions got the best of me.
Posted by: 1cutebird at March 30, 2005 12:38 PM
I know you have heard this a couple of hundred times today but I am very sorry. Last Monday I had to put my Lab, Doc, down. He was 13 and he lived a long wonderful life. He had cancer that spread to his liver and kidneys which took him down very fast. When you get sad just sit back and remember how much joy Felix brought to your life and how blessed you are that he found you. Thank you for sharing this with everyone. I hope that this helps in some way. Take Care.
Nicole
Posted by: Nicole at March 30, 2005 12:41 PM
Peace to Felix the Bear, and Peace to you all.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Krissy at March 30, 2005 12:42 PM
That sucks. I'd like to be a bit more eloquent, but there's really no other way of putting it. That really REALLY sucks.
I can't imagine what that would be like to go through. I pray that I may never be stricken with such knowledge.
As I've followed The Bear's story I must tell you how proud I've been of Anne and yourself for the strength of your love. When you agreed to give him one more chance I exclaiming an all-too-cliché 'YES!'. This ending, while not unexpected, is not the one I would have chosen for you.
You both have decided to end the suffering of beloved friend in exchange for your own personal grief and suffering. To me this seems like an ultimate display of love. The Bear will not forget your kindness, and neither shall we all.
Posted by: icu at March 30, 2005 12:43 PM
I would just like to say that Felix is/was lucky to have you there to help him in his greatest hour of need. I lost my favorite companion a year and a half ago, and couldn't be there for her as I always promised her I would be. She had to die alone because of it. It still breaks me up.
You're a good man, Wil.
Posted by: Jeff at March 30, 2005 12:44 PM
Ugh.
(sigh)
/going to hug "Daisy", my white-socked little monster.
at March 30, 2005 12:47 PM
Oh, man, Wil, you made me cry.
Thinking of you and hoping you find comfort in the knowledge that you gave Felix a grand life. He knows he was loved: that's about the best thing you can do on this earth.
Posted by: Rachel Barenblat at March 30, 2005 12:58 PM
I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. Always keep Felix in your thoughts, and remember all the good times you had with him.
My little sister's dog is getting up in years, and I don't even want to think about what's going to happen in the future...
Anyway, stay tough man. Remember you're kids will look to you as their role model; don't let them down.
Posted by: Tron at March 30, 2005 01:00 PM
Oh Wil.
I'm so sorry about your loss... It's a tough decision to make, but it was the best thing for Felix...
I've been there and even though it hurt, I knew it was the right choice for my kitty, too.
Take care of each other
Posted by: Mari at March 30, 2005 01:17 PM
Gizmo was just wondering why I was upset; she came and mewed at me whilst I was reading the news. I wish I'd read this yesterday. I wish that in a few years time I don't have to go through this with her but I know it's going to happen and that makes life seem unfair. But then he does know it's his time, and in a way that is good; my late father-in-law knew when it was his time to go and although it was sad when he went it was also a relief because he expected it and was ready for it. I guess the last thing I really want is anyone - cat or human or whatever - leaving this world kicking and screaming; it's certainly not the way I'd want to react.
A cat to me isn't a pet; it's a friend and as much a part of the family as any two-legged member. Even the moodiest sod of a mog in the world is there for someone when they need them the most. And that doesn't just apply to cats; dogs, birds, anything that has become a part of life has that bond. And it really hurts when it's gone. Blackstar, one of my cats, died in May 2002, the victim of a car; the gap left behind remains to this day. Ogrek said 'If my cat isn't allowed in Heaven then I won't go.' I can't remember who originally wrote it but it's a good quote.
Goodbye Bear.
Posted by: Devil Girl at March 30, 2005 01:19 PM
You made me cry...once again. There is something impossible to articulate about the loss of a cherished pet. You are doing the right thing for The Bear, and he knows it. However, the thought of losing this little soul that has graced your home by his presence seems impossible to bear. The feelings of loss will eventually grow into cherished memories. All the best wishes for you, Anne, the kids, the menagerie - your memories of Felix will keep him alive in your hearts (and ours!)
Posted by: Clancysmum at March 30, 2005 01:27 PM
I am so sorry to read about your cat. It made me cry to hear about this. I have had beloved pets die in the past, and it is very difficult. But I believe animals have a place in Heaven, and we well see them again someday in the future.
Posted by: DonnaGrayson at March 30, 2005 01:34 PM
Oh honey, I am so very sorry. You guys have been so brave and strong on this (I know you don't feel like it) It won't be easy to take him in but you are respecting his wishes and that's awesome. God Bless the little furry beastie, he's earned a rest.
Posted by: Angela at March 30, 2005 01:35 PM
My deepest sympathy, Wil, to you and your family. From personal experience, I know just how hard it is to let them go (because, let's face it, they're not pets, they're part of the family). As I read through your entry I knew what was coming and I couldn't fight back the tears. *Hugs to you all*.
I'm awful at poetry, but here goes...
Poor little Felix.
He's not been feeling too well.
He's been struggling along,
But it's time, you can tell.
That cute little kitten
Grew up into a bear.
Now he's being taken away,
It just isn't fair.
A cute little soul.
A fighter of a boy.
It's sad to see him go,
He's bought you such joy.
Think of those good times.
Those feelings run deep,
But put on a smile
When little Felix goes to sleep.
He won't suffer any more
It's all for the best.
The poorly little kitty,
Will now get some rest.
at March 30, 2005 01:47 PM
I was crying even at the beginning of your post because I knew what it was going to say. I was in your exact spot Jan. 2 of this year, so all I can say is, I understand your pain, and I will tell my Schiele to give Felix some welcoming purrs and headbutts when he crosses the Rainbow Bridge. And I'll send some mojo to you, Anne, and the kids (human and fur) as well.
Posted by: chinamom at March 30, 2005 01:52 PM
Aw sheesh. I'm sorry about this.
Posted by: logovo at March 30, 2005 02:10 PM
Aw....I'm so sorry. I know how you feel, I too have felt the loss of a beloved cat. You have my deepest sympathy.
Posted by: Liz In Dallas at March 30, 2005 02:14 PM
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"
-The Beatles
at March 30, 2005 02:25 PM
I'm so sorry, Wil.
I've almost run out of tissues now. Every time I hear about someone losing a pet all I can think of is my kitty, that someone's bumper took away from me too young. I'm sure I'm not alone: just look at the 300+ comments. People all around the world are thinking back to pets they've lost, remembering when they first met them, all their little quirks, the look in their eyes, the touch of thousands of little wet noses.
I had a few confused moments to say goodbye, but you have until tomorrow morning. Fill Felix's last hours with all the love in the world.
This is hard :'( I need another tissue now, only two left. It's ok to break down and cry, because he's your Bear. All the mojo in the world to you and all your family, human or otherwise. I'd better save the last tissue.
lv j
at March 30, 2005 02:27 PM
Dear Wil and Family,
I am sorry for your loss. A few years ago, one of our cats developed kidney disease. It finally got to a point where he was really suffering, so we had to decide to let go. It was the right thing to do, but it was still hard. At least Felix is in a better place now.
Posted by: mcnultykl at March 30, 2005 02:57 PM
Give him all your love and know that he'll be up in that special kitty place that kitties go, chasing birds, squirrels, and other critters feeling as happy as can be. He'll have a few bouts to show everyone who's boss, but after that it'll be warm milk, pretty girl cats, and lazy days.
My condolences to you and your family.
Stay strong
at March 30, 2005 03:03 PM
I really shouldn't have read this at work. I can hardly sit here and not start crying. I've lost a cat I had for 18 years and that was incredibly difficult for me. I know exactly what you're going through and I dread the day my current cat's time is up. All I can do is say I'm sorry for your loss of a family member. I wish you the best.
That's it, I can't control myself anymore. Take care Wil.
Posted by: MrDigital at March 30, 2005 03:19 PM
I'm so sorry Wil. Take Care.
-L
Posted by: Laura at March 30, 2005 03:27 PM
My deepest sympathies to all of you. It is heartbreaking to have any pet die, the trip to the vet for the ones who are suffering tears you apart even when you know it is the best choice for your friend. Love has its terrible moments but is always worthwhile. CarolG
Posted by: Carol G. at March 30, 2005 03:27 PM
I am so sorry, Wil. (((Hugs))) to you, Anne, the boys and the kitties. Felix had a good life with you. Try to hold on to the good memories.
Christina in GA
Posted by: crouton at March 30, 2005 03:30 PM
I am so sorry, Wil. There isn't much more to say than that. I have four cats of my own and love them more than I love most people. One of them is chronically ill and we've had some serious scares, the most recent one right around New Year's. Your post has me sobbing and grateful that my Gus is currently doing okay. Much love to you and your family.
Posted by: viridescence at March 30, 2005 03:42 PM
aw, i am so sorry wil. i had to go through this same thing a couple of years ago and it isn't easy. ~m
Posted by: Merrily at March 30, 2005 03:50 PM
Wil, I am so sorry you are going through this. I thought I was going to have to make the same decision for one of my dogs, Mouse, just a week ago. She ended up having surgery to remove a huge mass from her abdomen. I had to make a decision before they took her into surgery - if there were tumors in her lungs that hadn't shown up on the xray, then he was to let her go, not wake her out of anesthesia. It makes me cry even now, and she's recovering just fine not two feet from me.
I'll have some very hard decisions to make regarding her future (as well as my next oldest dog, Bug), but I pray I don't have to make those decisions anytime soon.
You guys gave Felix a long, happy, safe life. I love you all for that alone and my heart goes out to your entire family for what you are having to go through.
at March 30, 2005 03:57 PM
Oh Wil - I'm so sorry. I'm in tears here for you and the other members of your *ensemble*.
This is one of the hardest decisions to make - and you've done it with heart and class. Felix knows how much you love him.
As long as you and yours remember Felix, he lives.
((((((Hugs)))))) from this mushy nerd girl.
Lorrian
Posted by: Lorrian at March 30, 2005 04:15 PM
To the Wheatons
After reading this post, I could not stop crying for near on twenty minutes. As a lifetime cat-person, I know what it is to lose a furry family member. I posted a small obituary notice to my blog here. It took me all day to come up with just this, too.
You are all with us in our hearts and minds and prayers. We're here for you, should you need us.
Posted by: gaerfindel at March 30, 2005 04:20 PM
Wheatons,
I'm sorry to hear about Felix. Being a pet owner, I know how losing one can be. I know that he had a great life and he knew who loved him and took care of him.
My deepest sympathy and sincerest condolences.
Rob
at March 30, 2005 04:24 PM
Hi Wil,
Another long-time reader (usually via the RSS feed on LiveJournal) who signed up today to comment after your latest entry left me in tears...
Your family is in my thoughts tonight. You did the best you could for Felix.
Posted by: Laura at March 30, 2005 04:32 PM
My best to you and your family.
Posted by: Alan at March 30, 2005 04:43 PM
Wil,
I think you gave Felix a great tribute on your blog and from the comment count, I think you've touched a lot of people, myself including.
I was sad all over again because your account reminded me of the day almost a year ago when I found my dog Snowy with that "ready to go" look in her eyes. I still have her picture next to my monitor at work.
We hurt much because we love deeply, Wil. One thing that helped me is the vet's reassurance that it was the right thing to do. It kept me from wondering if I've done all that I could to help her. I don't know if you and Anne have any burial plans, but you might consider planting a tree or something in memoriam.
You and Anne took great care of Felix.
Sincerely,
Holly
Posted by: Holly at March 30, 2005 04:45 PM
I'm so sorry, Wil. There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, but my thoughts are with you and Anne and the boys. You cared for Felix as best as you could, which is all anyone can do. *hugs*
Posted by: Carol at March 30, 2005 05:05 PM
Crying... Just know he will be happy over the rainbow - together with all our special pals.
Rainbow Bridge story->
http://hicards.com/platinum/joycards/joycard10.html
at March 30, 2005 05:10 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your Felix. He was loved. From your words you had a unique and special rapport with each of your pets. Peace be with you and know that you did what you could for him. He tried to stay with you but in the end, his heart was not enough. I'm glad that you and your family (including your four footed members) will be together in the grieving process.
Felix will never be completely gone. He's in your hearts and now ours.
Posted by: KarKar at March 30, 2005 05:27 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your Felix. He was loved. From your words you had a unique and special rapport with each of your pets. Peace be with you and know that you did what you could for him. He tried to stay with you but in the end, his heart was not enough. I'm glad that you and your family (including your four footed members) will be together in the grieving process.
Felix will never be completely gone. He's in your hearts and now ours.
Posted by: KarKar at March 30, 2005 05:28 PM
Wil and family,
Growing up on a farm has afforded me the privilege of always having pets around. None have brought greater joy to my life than my cats. At times we had about 20 or so cats living outside in our barn. Currently we have 11 cats living in our house. They can be a handful at times, but we really do love each of them like a member of the family (pardon the cliché but it is true). For years now we've had to put up with cats dying for one reason or another, and every time one of them dies it doesn't matter if it's a cat you've had for 15 years or a kitten that you barely got to know, it hurts all the same. You have to go on though.
Many people will say to think of the good times you had while Felix was alive, but I think that you should remember one thing. You gave Felix a home, a great home in fact, that he might not have had otherwise. If you hadn't taken him into your house he might not have had such a long and fulfilling life. While you mourn his death you should be happy that you could give him such a great life.
I'll be sure to say an extra prayer for you guys tonight.
Sincerely,
Daniel Schlegel
at March 30, 2005 05:28 PM
I'm so sorry Wil.
When I was in my late teens to early twenties I was a vet tech. I have participated in putting literally hundreds of much loved pets to sleep. I never felt sad for the cats and dogs, because I knew that it was peaceful and kind to let them go, but my heart always bled for the people they left behind. I have seen everyone from young children to big, buff, Major League baseball players fall apart when saying goodbye. And, yes, everytime it's one of my own beloved pets, I dissolve into a big bucket of helpless, grief stricken tears.
All this is to say that what you are doing is kind, beautiful, loving and right. Felix will know he is loved to his last breath, and that is all a cat really wants in life (whether they'll admit it or not).
Posted by: rachel h at March 30, 2005 05:44 PM
Life is eternal and love is immortal; And death is only a horizon, And a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
--Rossiter W. Raymond
Wheaton Family,
Our condolences and best wishes to you all.
Felix,
Have a happy journey.
Love Tara, Kenobi, and Anakin
Posted by: Kenobismom at March 30, 2005 06:07 PM
I think this is the first time I have read your blog and cried. I am so sorry for your loss.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
at March 30, 2005 06:24 PM
Wil, I'm sorry to hear about your cat's passing. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Posted by: wallflowergirl at March 30, 2005 06:38 PM
Wil and Anne
I know you two will be ok. You have a strong bond with eachother. Just remember felix may not be the bear on this earth but, where ever he will be after he passes on he will once again be the bear forevermore.
at March 30, 2005 06:57 PM
Wil, I'm so sorry about Felix. I'm crying as I type this, with some difficulty because one of my kitty boys, Tenshi, is trying to "help" me write it.
I haven't lost an animal friend since I was a child, but their mortality has been on my mind lately, since my beautiful little 4-year-old Russian Blue girl, Meep, was diagnosed with feline lymphoma in January. So far she's doing fine on chemo and with luck she might hold on for another year or even two (or if we're trememdously lucky, she might even be "cured"), but nonetheless I can't help but be reminded whenever I see her that she won't be around forever, that someday I'll be forced to make that decision for her. The thought devastates me, but on the other hand, my time with her after the diagnosis has been some of the best we've ever had, because I've valued every day with her as a precious gift.
Felix was so fortunate to have caring people who loved him and who were willing to make the hard choices with nothing but his best interests in mind. Your words make me cry, but the love you have for this little cat shines through in every last one of them.
"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” --Albus Dumbledore
Since we all know how well-organized cat's minds are...here's to Felix's next great adventure, and to all the stories you'll share with him someday when you meet up again.
Posted by: Rat at March 30, 2005 07:37 PM
Really sorry for you and your family mate, My Mothers cat 'Mooch' passed on monday maybe they will keep each other company on their new adventure staking out new territory to own, wherever that may be. I am sure the Bear will be a lot happier now, so you don't have to worry anymore.
Posted by: badboybubby at March 30, 2005 07:44 PM
Wil,
So sorry to hear about Felix. Your words were very touching and they brought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to the Wheaton family. ::hugs::
at March 30, 2005 08:10 PM
Wil,
Your story moved me to tears today while checking your site in a computer lab at school. We have a cat that is in bad shape as well and are currently making "the decison" so I know how hard these past few days must have been for you. My heart goes out to you and your family, as I'm sure this is a very hard time for everyone in your house.
at March 30, 2005 08:20 PM
I'm so sorry, Wil.
Hugs and love to you and your family, and I know, one day, you will see Felix again.
You did the right thing, even though I know how hard it was.
*cries*
at March 30, 2005 08:42 PM
It's ok, you knew what you had to do.
All I can do is make you laugh....
http://img233.exs.cx/img233/7096/minibath8pi.jpg
at March 30, 2005 08:57 PM
Just adding to all of the sympathy for you and your family. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. You have all of our love and support.
Posted by: entwife002 at March 30, 2005 09:01 PM
damn you for making me cry, wil wheaton.
(sincere condolences, too. letting go is soo-o-o hard)
Posted by: electrofork at March 30, 2005 09:04 PM
He chose you and you acccepted him into your life. He loved you and you loved him and both of you made each other happy.
Well lived.
I hope you hold him close and whisper of love and happy times. You are preventing suffering for him, and creating suffereing for you. What better definition of love is there?
My sympathies to you and yours.
I am sure you will meet again. Such love cannot, in the end, be wasted.
at March 30, 2005 09:50 PM
I admire the balance in your decision. You did not cast The Bear's life away carelessly, but neither did you hang on at the expense of his pain. You did good. You did right.
I am sure there are no words for how you are feeling right now--at least none that could soothe that ache. Ride the ache; its real. The only way out is through.
Mine is just another in the chorus of already over 350 voices wishing you well in this time, but it is even *one* more. That's good mojo. You guys and your Felix are in our hearts.
Posted by: naiah christine earhart at March 30, 2005 10:32 PM
hey wil,
i'm sorry about The Bear. i had to put down my cat, Tasha, when i was 16. god, that hurt. but it was the right thing to do. just existing isn't living, and she wasn't doing well. it still hurts to think about it, but she knew she was loved, and that was the most important thing. it's the most important thing with The Bear, too. remember that. he knows.
peace, amigo.
james.
Posted by: 100-1 at March 30, 2005 10:34 PM
So sorry to hear about Felix, Wil. Always such a tough thing to go through in life. But, as you know, you can't have one without the other. For lotsa important things.
Hang in there. Remember the good stuff. That's how loved ones you've lost, live on.
Posted by: EdwoodCA at March 30, 2005 10:38 PM
Just one of a thousand voices to say, "I feel for your loss". Take care, Wil. Felix will be missed by all who knew him, and all who read about him, thanks to you. Cheers.
Posted by: Skywalker at March 30, 2005 10:43 PM
My comment is probably going to get lost among the other comments, but I want to write this. Wil, I'm so sorry about this. I know how terrible it is to lose a pet. It's especially hard if you have to put them to sleep. I wish you and your family the best. Bear was very lucky to have such a great mommy and daddy.
Posted by: Angelwwolf at March 30, 2005 10:51 PM
::hugs:: My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing this. You are all in my thoughts.
M.
Posted by: Maliestra at March 30, 2005 11:23 PM
Oh Wil. I'm so sorry. What can I say that everyone else hasn't? Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I know how much you wanted poor little Felix to get better. I went through it myself not too long ago. I will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow. Its going to be a hard day for you and your family. You're all in my prayers. *huge hugs*
at March 31, 2005 12:31 AM
Dear Family of Felix,
Have you ever thought about the people who gave you a name? Maybe it's just the late hour -- or my still teary, snotty face... but this concept strikes me as very profound at the moment.
How appropriate that the lovely Anne selected "Felix" that day at the vet's office. Some people know that the name can mean "happy," but, in Latin, it also means "lucky," or "fortunate."
To be able to experience a loving life at the House of Wheaton would a very lucky kitty make. Most cats would give their right paw to be able to live out a few of their nine lives in such an ideal setting, and around such ideal creatures.
Ironic that such difficult times are inspired by such profound luck on all sides.
Wil closed his entry by saying that he would remember, among other things, how Felix would come tell him and Anne that he wanted to go out, even if it was in the middle of the night. I think that it was because of early-AM events like those that Felix knew that he could take comfort in you and trust you in the end to listen to his final wish to help him make his most recent exit.
What a *lucky* cat Felix is to be able to live forever in essence and memory through the very *fortunate* writing abilities of a loving family member.
Adam
Posted by: IanMcKellen at March 31, 2005 01:03 AM
Wil, thanks for your openess about your feelings and your wisdom to make the right decision although it's not the easiest. My heart is with you and your family as you grieve.
dgt
Posted by: WryterBoi at March 31, 2005 01:07 AM
Wil,
No words can make what you are feeling any better. My thoughts go out to You, Anne, and the Boys
at March 31, 2005 01:11 AM
Hey Wil, Haven't been here for a while. Wouldn't you know it, the day that I decide to visit you've got a story up that makes me cry my eyes out.
Wish I could say something to make you and your family feel better but I know that losing someone (even a pet) can't be smoothed over by a few well meant words.
Posted by: samanthalee1983 at March 31, 2005 01:28 AM
Wil,
having children I never understood how one could become so attached to a cat. I was always against adopting one. Well we finally adopted a kitten and to be honest I was the first one to run and get food, bowls etc. I've become so attached to Kirby that I can't imagine him not being a member of the family. He such a rascal.
everyone simply adores him. So there's only one thing I can say, I am sorry for your loss. I know how you feel.
at March 31, 2005 02:13 AM
Hey Wil this is the first time I have commented. I just wanted to say that you made the right decision with Felix. Sorry for your loss.
Posted by: ralerjak222 at March 31, 2005 02:43 AM
hey wil,
i'm so sorry to hear about your loss. pets are like family, just as precious, and its inevitable that you outlive them, but its tough and it hurts..
my parents used to have 2 german shepards, and the last one died about 13 years ago.. i was 10 and it was the first time i saw my dad cry. especially after you let them sleep-in, you come back home, and everything is still the same. the kittylitter thing is still there, some of their favourite toys are still in the livingroom.. and you expect to just walk in but it just doesnt.. I already get choked up just by thinking about it..
So my condoleances for your loss.. But luckily you have lots of happy memories so hold on to that :) It'll make you smile and cry at the same time, but atleast you will smile :)
take care and my support to you and your family!
Posted by: releaze at March 31, 2005 03:48 AM
Will, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I lost my cat two months ago. Yesterday I picked up a new kitty from the animal shelter. It is not the same I know.
I hope you and your family are able to mourn your loss and remember what was good.
Posted by: Debbie at March 31, 2005 03:53 AM
So sorry to hear about your loss, Wil. I know what a huge part animals can be of our lives.
Peace and blessings.
Posted by: taliendo at March 31, 2005 04:39 AM
Charlie the cat and I are sorry to hear about Felix, we know how much everyone in the family loved him. I'm going to do a banner of him so I can put it in my livejournal. I hope you don't mind. He was such a fighter and should be remembered with love. He was some character and I just wanted to let you know that was you did was not selfish or anything.It was out of pure love and charlie the cat and I think that Felix was the luckiest cat to come to your house and he was lucky to have such great people in his life. All our love,
Morgan and Charlie The Cat
Posted by: morgan at March 31, 2005 05:40 AM
Wil,
Out of all the entries you've posted this is the one that has made me cry. Maybe it's the way you've written about it; maybe it's because I've been through this more than once but now I have to explain to my 6 year old and 3.5 year old why Mommy's crying at the computer. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Posted by: warcrygirl at March 31, 2005 05:40 AM
We all understand where you are now, Wil. I wish we never had to go there. However, you did the most important thing for Felix, you reacted to his every need with love, and thus did the right thing for him. I had a very similar situation with my dog. He was this pathetic little ball of white fluff, hiding under the doghouse at the Humane Society foster home. I pulled him out and he barely looked at me. He was shaking so badly I could hardly hang on to him. I was ten, and wanted a puppy so badly, I didn't mind that this one was terrified of me and was a bit dirty. He was my dog, from the instant I touched him. In the car on the way home, he peed on my shirt front. We took him home and named him Michael Charles Scruffington the third, Scruffy for short. The next day, we decided to give him a bath, 'cause hiding under the doghouse, he had picked up some fleas, along with the dirt. . .While he was in the bathtub, he started bleeding from his anus. . .We took him to the vet, who said it was Parvovirus. He wasn't likely to live another 30 days. I cried unconsolably. Well, he lived that next 30 days. . .and for ten years thereafter. In that time, he was the sweetest dog ever, with personality to spare. When he got excited (when we came home from school, riled him up, or when he knew we were going to visit Grandma), he would sneeze along with wagging his entire body(just wagging the tail was apparently not enough to convey his joy). He also proved himself to be the most accident-prone animal known to man (with the most accident-prone owner). For awhile there, I was clumsily averaging a broken bone a year. Scruff somehow managed to match me, injury for injury. When I broke my foot, my brother tripped over the dog in the hall and broke the ball off his hip joint. . a year later when I broke my wrist and elbow, Scruff got hit by a car and broke two ribs. Suffice to say, that by the age of ten, he was a walking disaster. He had residual heart, lung, and kidney damage from the Parvo, he walked on three legs, and when he had wheezing spells from his emphysema, it seemed to hurt his chest (probably the old broken ribs). My sophomore year in college, it was looking like someone was going to have to start in with "the Talk." Scruff took that responsibility away, however. One spring day, he decided he didn't want to go in the house while my brother and mom were going to school. This wasn't too out of character for him, he often liked to spend sunny days outside, and we lived in a rural enough area that he could safely spend the day out and around, so my family chose to let him stay outside. When my brother got home, he found Scruff stretched out in the sun on the back porch. He had died peacefully in the sun. Sadly, it was only a few days before I was supposed to come home for Spring Break. . .My mom buried him in the back yard under the dogwood tree. She didn't tell me that he had died until I came home and she could hug me while she told me. Even then, my first thought was "He lived a bonus 9 years and 11 months. He did well." After that, came the tears, which still come every time I think of him. He was definately the Dog of My Life. A few months later, I adopted Gus, my big ol' black Siamese mix, whome I love like my life, even though he is so vocal sometimes I want to smack him. He's got kidney problems too, but they're mainly managed by diet. Gus turns 11 in June and he and I are the best of friends. Whenever I have trouble sleeping, Gus comes to snuggle next to me, using his amazingly soft fur, his sweet warmth and purr to help me get to sleep. . .I think maybe Scruff sent him to me 'cause he knew how lonely I was without him. When Scruff died, I couldn't see having another dog, so I got a cat. When Gus dies, I probably won't be able to get another cat for a while either.
Posted by: serendipity2 at March 31, 2005 05:57 AM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. It is a tough time.
Posted by: cilesmom at March 31, 2005 06:00 AM
You made me cry.
Good luck and allow the tears to fall. Felix deserves them.
Posted by: Uberminx at March 31, 2005 06:03 AM
i'm so sorry for your loss Wil, i've lost a cat too and it leaves a big hole in your heart that no other cat can replace... :(
but remember that he was a very lucky cat to get to live with you guys. a cat couldn't have it any better. he had a good life and what more can anyone ask? :)
*mojo*
Posted by: Milla at March 31, 2005 06:13 AM
wil,
I am so sorry for your loss. I will have your family in my thoughts. I know how hard this was. :(
at March 31, 2005 06:41 AM
I made a banner in rememberance of FELIX. I hope you don't mind. I sent it to you, but I had to fix it. It's yours to use if you want. I already put it on my livejournal to honor him.
Morgan
and Charlie The Cat
at March 31, 2005 07:01 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hillary, Taz and Puck are also sad. Misty and HowardCat are with Felix at the Rainbow Bridge, along with many others, I'm sure. It's hard to let go of your furkids.
Posted by: Ali at March 31, 2005 07:41 AM
Wil thank you for sharing this. Your writing talent is so amazing. You've brought me to tears. I can imagine how sad you are right now. Hugs to you and the Wheaton gang.
Posted by: Mel at March 31, 2005 07:58 AM
Dear Wil,
I have been reading for a while, but this is my first chance to say hello. I am sorry that the occasion is such a sad one.
My parents are both veterniarians, and I grew up in a vertiable menagerie; I'm farmiliar with this kind of loss from the point of view of the pet, the owner, adn the health-care provider, too. I'd like to add to he chorus of reassuring voices: you are a kind, gentle, loving owner, and you made a wise decision for Felix. He is as lucky in passing as he was in living, to have you there for him.
That doesn't make it any easier, though.
There is an old Viking saying, that happiness is when 'the grandfather dies, the father dies, and the son dies.' As painful as it is to lose a parent or grandparent, I think it's even more painfully contrary to our nature to lose a thing we have been responsible for nurturing. In loving our pets, we open ourselves not just to that possiblity, but (in msot cases) to that certainty. Living and loving and nurturing are brave acts. Setting a pet free from pain is a brave act.
I wish you and your family -- feline, canine, and human alike -- strength, and comfort.
garrity
Posted by: garrity at March 31, 2005 08:00 AM
I'm so sorry Wil.
My thoughts and sympathies are with you and your family during this sad time.
at March 31, 2005 08:00 AM
reading you heartfelt words about your pets...it is clear that all of them have been much loved.
Posted by: d. burr at March 31, 2005 08:11 AM
I just read your post Wil. OM, I am crying for you and Anne. I so understand your loss, and your decision. I know how much you loved Felix, and how difficult this is. Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
Posted by: Sue R at March 31, 2005 08:40 AM
As always your writing is beautiful because it is so heart-felt. You are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing yourself with us through your blog. I am increadibly sorry to hear about Felix. Your entry touched my heart and made me cry. I am sending good vibes for you and yours as some very small way to say I care.
Posted by: Tylan at March 31, 2005 09:03 AM
We had to put our 14 year old cat Rizzo down when I was 16 under similar circumstances. This cat was a member of our family- I couldn't remember a time without him, but we knew it had to be done. The day we lost him, Mom and Stepfather took off work, and I stayed home from school, and we went out to dinner to celebrate our memories of this incredibly cool cat. This sweet and poignant post has me thinking (and tearing up a little) of my 'Bud', a huge black cat with style to spare.
*hugs and positive vibes* You've got quite a support network here, and we're all thinking of you.
Posted by: Astoreth at March 31, 2005 09:21 AM
So sorry to hear this news...even though from reading day after day knowing it would happen soon. Just remember you gave the bear a good life and he loved you for it. You will see him again at the Rainbow Bridge...
"All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
at March 31, 2005 09:35 AM
I'm so sorry about Felix. My kitty Sneakers just passed away a few weeks ago. I miss everything about her, but especially whenever she would choose me to sleep with at night and when I would wake up to her shining face in the morning curled up next to me. Our kitties will live on in our memories. All the great, funny, heartwarming things that they did will stay with us forever.
My deepest sympathies to you and your family
at March 31, 2005 09:43 AM
I just wanted to say that you and your family will be in my thoughts. I know how hard that is. Much love and sympathy to you!
Posted by: tlt6677 at March 31, 2005 10:12 AM
Wil,
I'm terribly sorry to hear about Felix. I've only had my Dexter for a year and a half, but I can't imagine losing him. Upon reading this entry, I immediately called to him, and when he padded curiously into my room, I scooped him up, kissed him on the head, and cuddled him, grateful for his presence in my life. If it helps, try to take some small comfort in knowing that by sharing this story, so eloquently and passionately, you've clearly caused countless grateful, loving moments between kitties and their staff members. Your posse is behind you and thinking of you and your family.
-Jess
at March 31, 2005 10:32 AM
Wil and Anne,
I'm so sorry to hear about your Bear. It's amazing how these animals sneak into your life and then your heart. It's so easy to fall in love with them and when the tough parts come around you really understand how much they gave back to you while you gave care/food/shelter to them. My cat just got diagnosed (after spending the weekend in ICU and almost dying) with chronic renal disease so I'm at the start of your journey with your Bear. I'm really glad we got to know Bear through your website and thanks for sharing this tough day with all of us. I know this is such a difficult decision and my thoughts are with you and your family.
-S
Posted by: sarzini at March 31, 2005 11:03 AM
I had a childhood cat whom adopted my family when I was 8 years old. He passed away from a degenerative liver disease when I was in my 5th year of college. 18 years plus life for a cat, and it was still devastating. I went with my roomie from school and had a few drinks in honor of the cat.
It does get easier, as time goes on. Instead of remembering the frailo tired cat of his last few months, I now really only think about the robust young cat the used to chase me around the yard, nipping at my heels. Whenever I think of that cat now, I always smile. It will take some time, but that is how it is. Good luck, and remember, it does get better.
Posted by: srh at March 31, 2005 11:46 AM
Condolences on your loss wil.
Your post was the most lucid and articulate I have read in a quite a while about the loss of a loved one. The responses to it were authentic and incredibly HUMAN and universally positive and uplifting -- a testament to what a good blog CAN be about.
Your story of Felix's life has allowed him to touch so many more souls than he ever would have imagined. And hey, that's our mission in life, right? So, in Felix's case, I think we can say with honesty... Mission Accomplished.
Take care.
Charlie L
Portland, Oregon
(My ex-wife has my dog, but I'm still a lover of all living things.)
at March 31, 2005 11:51 AM
Good-bye Felix, I hope you know how many of us cried because you were leaving. I hope your next journey is as happy as living with Wil's family has been.
Thank you for sharing, Wil. Your blog truly is the best thing on the web to visit. My heart is with you and your family.
Posted by: sharon at March 31, 2005 12:05 PM
Wil,
I'm sorry to hear that things have gone downhill for Felix. I'm glad to hear he won't be suffering for much longer, if he still is by now. It is never easy to lose a pet. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Harry
Posted by: Harry at March 31, 2005 12:07 PM
Wil -
I am so very sad for you and your family. My little Angel died of Kidney Failure a few years ago - so I recogize the pain that your family is facing.
It is alway so hard to lose a part of the family.
I am sending good thoughts your way.
at March 31, 2005 12:14 PM
Wow - I just found your blog for the first time today, and all I can say is I'm sorry. My wife's dog just died a few weeks ago and I remember the loss that she felt, and can only imagine what it would be like to lose one of our gargantu-kitties (Bela is 16 lbs and Grizzabella is 22!). My thoughts are with you and your family during this trial.
Posted by: Jhsquint at March 31, 2005 12:18 PM
There will be people whose response will be, "Oh, come on - it's just a cat." When you or your family hear that, send them to look at the almost 400 comments posted above this (and, I'm sure, the many that will be posted below it). When humans allow themselves to open their hearts to other creatures, a genuine bond is forged, and both parties learn a great deal from it. Any culture, job, or family that expects us to sweep our empathy for others suprressed in order to appear "strong" is demonstrating its weakness and its fear of love. It takes strength to love and to empathise. If ever you see 'Peaceable Kingdom' [http://www.tribeofheart.org/pk.htm], you'll find you're not alone. And every time you look at the comments here, you'll know it too.
Posted by: Kaz at March 31, 2005 12:51 PM
Wil and Anne,
I'm so sorry. I have lost so many pets over the years and it never ever gets easy. I know you loved The Bear but you did the write thing. It is hard to make such a decision but it is even harder to watch them dieing and in pain. The Bear loves you, he chose to be with you both over the years. Don't ever feel like you made the wrong choice, I know his spirit is thanking you. Pets are as much of a blessing as children are, some even more so. My thoughts are with you as I wipe the tears from my face. I will keep reading as long as you write.
Best wishes and comforting thoughts to you both.
Blessed Be
at March 31, 2005 01:07 PM
Dammit Wil, ya made me cry. First time in years.
Be strong, bro - you've given Felix and your other anjimals a good life, and that includes not being selfish when it's time to say goodbye. The end of suffering is not something to mourn, but to celebrate. Hang tough and keep spreading your love to our 4-legged friends. They need staff like you.
Posted by: davelog at March 31, 2005 02:00 PM
Damn it. I read this two days ago, cried and walked away. I came back today, read some of the comments and am crying again.
I'm sorry wil
Posted by: sorebikr at March 31, 2005 02:37 PM
Hi Wil --
I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss. My Merlyn had the same problem and deciding when he was through fighting was the hardest thing I will EVER, ever do, barring nothing. I hope the pain eases, and you can remember the good times soon, knowing you let your Bear live his life his way, and helped him pass gently on to the next.
Blessings, and know a candle is lit for the Bear's gallant spirit.
at March 31, 2005 02:52 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. You wrote about Felix so vividly it was as if I'd met him.
We have an epileptic chihuahua - he's in a period of "seizure remission" right now - but we went through a period when he was cluster-seizing and we came within moments of having to make the decision you've just done. I hope when the time comes to have to make that decision again, we'll be able to do it with as much grace and love as you have demonstrated.
Be well.
Posted by: MissMeliss at March 31, 2005 02:52 PM
Wil,
I was sorry to read about Felix's passing. It's especially poignant, because my husband and I had to let our special little cat, Floyd, go on Monday. He, too, had been dealing with kidney issues. In the last few days, it hasn't seemed as if we are living in the same house as before. Despite having our other affectionate kitty, Mowgli, this place feels hollow somehow. There is definitely a void that was once filled by Floyd (rhyme not intended). We'll all be able to get back to some sense of normalcy, but I hope we never forget how much our cats meant to us. I hope your boys are dealing with this okay.
Posted by: Jeopardyjen at March 31, 2005 03:02 PM
Please accept my sincere condolences on your loss. I have four cats of my own and the thought of losing them tears my heart out.
May your sweet cat rest in peace.
Posted by: Jade Walker at March 31, 2005 03:28 PM
We all raise a toast to Felix. Much love to you, Anne and the kids in this heartbreaking time.
Posted by: BonzoGal at March 31, 2005 03:30 PM
I am so sorry Wil.
My husband just got home and I had the picture of Felix up on fullscreen. He said to me, "What's that? It looks like Mickey." And Felix does indeed look like our own Mickey.
Beautiful boy. I'm sorry you and your wife had to make such a hard choice. So very sorry.
Posted by: sleepingmommy at March 31, 2005 03:46 PM
Anne/Wil,
Just wanted to say that you are in our thoughts.
Something my Grandfather once told me - find a song that reminds you of someone and you will never forget why they meant so much to you.
Whenever you hear it, you will instantly remember all of the good things about your friend.
The same thing applies here I think.
Posted by: ~Brian~ at March 31, 2005 04:23 PM
Wil,
So sorry to hear about Felix. I began crying while I was reading your post today. I have a sixteen-year-old cat, and I am already having a hard time thinking about when his time comes... But I'm sure Felix was very happy that you and your family were the ones to take care of him for the rest of his life, and he sure won't be forgotten.
Posted by: Sangri at March 31, 2005 04:23 PM
Anne/Wil,
Just wanted to say that you are in our thoughts.
Something my Grandfather once told me - find a song that reminds you of someone and you will never forget why they meant so much to you.
Whenever you hear it, you will instantly remember all of the good things about your friend.
The same thing applies here I think.
Posted by: ~Brian~ at March 31, 2005 04:23 PM
Wil,
That was one of the saddest things I've ever read because our cat, Blackie, was so similar. He came into our lives as a stray and stayed (with THREE DOGS to boot).
He has not passed on yet but he had feline crystals and had the "change" (he's no longer a he or a she) and we worry about him daily (now an indoor cat, with no claws and no balls) but reading your post just brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you for sharing.
Andrew
Posted by: Akselsoft at March 31, 2005 05:00 PM
Man
Your comment choked me up. Especially tonight. My wife and I were listening to some music on my laptop (Wing - I followed the link from Boing Boing) anyway, she looks over and sees a spot of blood on the coffee table.
Right next to Mulligan, one of our two cats.
We check out Mulligan and he's bleeding from the rectum. I panic. She panics. We clean him up and he seems ok (I rilly rilly hope it was just some little bit of something he didn't digest properly). But I called the vet and made an apointment just to make sure.
Man, he's got me scared. He's as much a part of my life as the best friends I've got - him and Max and whatshername - oh, yeah, Mell, my wife (joking).
Wil, man, my heart goes out to you. I can't know what you're going through but it's gotta be tough.
Seeya, Felix. You were good to them.
at March 31, 2005 06:08 PM
Oh damn, Wil. Im so sorry. I know theres not a whole lot I can say right now. I understand, I remember my heart breaking as I watched Mike, who was my familiar, grow weaker a few years back. We finally had to put him down and I was never able to mourn him properly. I had to be at camp the next day, putting on a happy font for a hundred kids. I was crushed by the blow, my best friend sense I was five was gone.
Mikey was a tux, similar to your Bear (he'll always be The Bear), and he was dearly loved, and is dearly missed.
If/When you read this, know that I'll send positive energies your way, and you and your family (two and four-legged, and whoever else) will be in my thoughts
*megahugs*
Til the time comes when we are reunited on the Rainbow Bridge
at March 31, 2005 07:32 PM
Oh damn, Wil. Im so sorry. I know theres not a whole lot I can say right now. I understand, I remember my heart breaking as I watched Mike, who was my familiar, grow weaker a few years back. We finally had to put him down and I was never able to mourn him properly. I had to be at camp the next day, putting on a happy font for a hundred kids. I was crushed by the blow, my best friend sense I was five was gone.
Mikey was a tux, similar to your Bear, and he was dearly loved, and is dearly missed.
If/When you read this, know that I'll send positive energies your way, and you and your family (two and four-legged, and whoever else) will be in my thoughts
*megahugs*
at March 31, 2005 07:32 PM
Oh damn, Wil. Im so sorry. I know theres not a whole lot I can say right now. I understand, I remember my heart breaking as I watched Mike, who was my familiar, grow weaker a few years back. We finally had to put him down and I was never able to mourn him properly. I had to be at camp the next day, putting on a happy font for a hundred kids. I was crushed by the blow, my best friend sense I was five was gone.
Mikey was a tux, similar to your Bear (he'll always be The Bear), and he was dearly loved, and is dearly missed.
If/When you read this, know that I'll send positive energies your way, and you and your family (two and four-legged, and whoever else) will be in my thoughts
*megahugs*
Til the time comes when we are reunited on the Rainbow Bridge
at March 31, 2005 07:32 PM
umm...sorry bout the triplepost. my browser hates me.
Posted by: SandieK at March 31, 2005 07:34 PM
I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I belonged to my cat for 21 years and he was diagnosed with kidney failure 3 years ago. The doctor only gave him two to live at the most but sounds like my Squirt was a lot like Stump. After a really bad week of not responding to treatments I had to make the same decision and let him go on March 3. Reading your post definitely brought a tear (many tears actually)to my eye but it's nice to know there is someone else out there who know's what it's like to watch this disease progress and the tough decisions you have to make. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Even though you know from the start this day will come, it's not any easier. You gave Stump a wonderful and loving tribute.
Posted by: rkayla at March 31, 2005 08:19 PM
*Sigh*
We lost a family pet (Kimba) last year. She belonged to my mother who passed in 98.
When her pet passed we felt some of that familiar pain. I will tell you what I said to my daughters
"we get the opportunity to be with (people and pets) in this life... when they leave us, it is our job to remember the joy and the memories we shared".
It is still sad to lose our pets, they become part of our families as soon as they allow us to love them... usually it's with that first glance.
I am sorry for your loss... you wrote a wonderful story and with it Felix will live on.
Posted by: Keeme at March 31, 2005 08:27 PM
I am truly sorry to see the decision you had to make, and hope that you can find a way to recall the good, for as long as we remember those who we lose, they are never truly gone.
Posted by: Geek at March 31, 2005 09:06 PM
Sending lots of kitty mojo your way, Wil. And remember, loving too much is never a flaw.
Posted by: Trav_Laney at March 31, 2005 10:37 PM
Wil,
I've had to make that choice, and I let my dog decide. It was one of the hardest things to do, but he didn't want to hurt anymore and I understood.
And it was only a timespan of 3 days from happy to romping across the Rainbow Bridge.
Maybe Felix can keep my Sunny (my kitty I had for 17 years), and my Lestat (my dog) company where they are.
at March 31, 2005 11:39 PM
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
Posted by: Luis at April 1, 2005 12:17 AM
Many hugs for you and your family, Wil. Pets are a gift and it's always hard to let them go. Thank God for kind owners like you in the world. Take care and have a real good cry.
Hugs,
Nancy.
(mad fan that did a manip of you as Dream from Sandman).
at April 1, 2005 01:07 AM
keep the happy memories on your mind
Posted by: WinaLyn at April 1, 2005 04:31 AM
Our condolences. It sounds as if you went above and beyond doing all you could.
About 2 years ago my wife and I had to put our beagle to sleep. I had lived with that dog longer then my wife and he was like our first child. He was only 11 or 12 years old and should've had a few more years in him.
It was very hard, as he probably could've lived for quite some time, but his quality of life had rapidly deteriorated over the winter. In just 6 months he went from a good life to being a blind, incontinent, moody old man who didn't want to go beyond our deck or driveway. Worse, his behavior changed--he wasn't the nice dog we had loved, he bacame a snarly, angry dog. After many trips to the vet, and many different treatments, the vet told us there was nothing left to do due to Flipper's age. The dog would stay alive for some time, but he wouldn't be living. Further treatments would cause pain to Flipper and would be more for us then for him. Before long, all the dog would know is that we brought him pain when he saw us (this was a dog who would yelp in pain as soon as he saw the nail clippers, forget about actually trying to clip his nails).
2 years later, the decision we made that day still haunts and saddens us. Our heads tell us we made the right decision, Flipper's quality of life would only get worse as he was no longer well enough for long romps (although he could still move if he saw a rabbit or something) & we had to seperate him from our son (we couldn't be sure he wouldn't just snap unexpectantly, signs of which he was already showing). What it came down to was we did all we could for him and it was time to set him free.
Now 2 years later, we finally have been able to move on and have just adopted another dog (actually, he adopted our son). Clifford, the little brown dog, is part pug and part beagle (got him out of the pound) has many of Flipper's traits (except Clifford has cat issues he needs to resolve before one of the cats decides that they have had enough of his yapping) and is a worthy successor to Flipper.
Putting a pet down is hard, but at the end of the day, they are expecting you to do right by them. Even if that means putting them down, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Now 2 years later, Flipper's last days are no longer in our thoughts. Instead we rememember the good times when he was healthy and enjoyed life. Sure, we still feel sad about his demise, when we think of it, but it was his time. We did all we could, and that's what matters.
Posted by: M.Oliver at April 1, 2005 05:51 AM
Hey Wil,
Hope you guys are doing okay. I got this in my email this morning and thought you'd get a chuckle out of it. I'm sure your readers will, too. It's a bit long and I don't remember how much html I can use in this forum so if it's sloppy I apologize:
Movie Review: First Daughter (**)
By Mark Welch, special to Arcamax
Samantha Mackenzie (Katie Holmes) is the daughter of the President (Michael Keaton, yea...I know). She's off to college and wants to be a "normal kid," so of course this won't be happening.
After instant bonding with her freshman roommate (yea, that happens often), the pair go off to a frat party where they have fun on a slip and slide (I'm not making this up), and eventually Sam finds obligatory romance with a hunky guy.
There's more to the story than this, but First Daughter had lost me by this point; When the movie tries to surprise us with a revelation it's too late. Holmes is 26 and although she tries to make Samantha naive, I didn't buy it. I never bought Keaton as our Commander in Chief. And I know the story is aimed at a younger set than me, but even my almost 11-year old female moviewatching companion (I'll call her Brandin) became bored by the final act.
First Daughter is Jerry O'Connell's screenwriting debut. I think Vern needs to listen to some more of Gordie's stories by the campfire before he is inspired to write again (kudos to those who get THAT reference). And what is Forest Whitaker thinking? Instead of starring in the movies deserving of his acting ability, he's instead wasting his time on this mush. I'm nonplused.
SKIP IT! :(
10-point scale rating: 3
Mark's 2004 Movie List Rank: 78th out of 93 movies (.161 pct.)
Comparison Reviews: Roger Ebert: (**); Steve Rhodes: (*); NY Post: (*); NY Times: (* 1/2); LA Times: (* 1/2); Reel.com: (** 1/2); Seattle Times: (***); Entertainment Weekly: (C-); E! Online: (C); Rotten Tomatoes: 71 total reviews: 10% positive, average rating: 3.8/10
Quotable: "First Daughter is even more nauseating than most teen trifles." -- John Monaghan, DETROIT FREE PRESS
Cast: Katie Holmes, Marc Blucas, Amerie, Michael Keaton
Directed by: Forest Whitaker
Written by: Jerry O'Connell, Jessica Bendinger and Kate Kondell
MPAA RATING: Rated PG for language, sexual situations, and alcohol-related material
Now available on DVD.
at April 1, 2005 06:33 AM
Wil,
My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your family member. I started to cry halfway through your blog entry as we just recently had to make a similar decision about a feline member of our family. (Gives Wil and Anne a big virtual hug.)
-gil
Posted by: Gil at April 1, 2005 07:58 AM
I read this post very shortly after you posted it, I was too emotional to make any sort of comments. Over the past couple days I've checked in to see if you had any updates, I've bawled like a baby every time I read the title. Then bawled some more when reading the wonderful comments the posse has left for you and decided I needed to add mine.
I remember how alone and isolated I felt after I had to put my beautiful baby girl Ginger to sleep. How could ANYONE possibly understand how much my heart ached and the huge emptiness in my life?
I hope that you and Anne have gotten some comfort from all these awesome people all over the world sharing in your pain and sadness. I hope you felt all the arms of the WW Posse around you as you said goodbye to The Bear as we were all there with you in spirit.
Goodbye sweet Bear... there are so many people all over the world who mourn your passage and we will never forget you.
Much love to you Anne, Wil, Nolan & Ryan.
Megan, Drew, Nikitta, Trinity, Brandy and Nala.
Posted by: Nutmegger at April 1, 2005 08:01 AM
I am sitting at work, listening to the LOTR soundtrack, and reading and in a sense loving Felix the cat. Tears are streaming from my eyes, and my fondest wish is to run home now and grab my cat Coal, and just pet him, hold him and tell him that he is never allowed to go away.
These gentle creatures can only share a portion of our lives, but the are so much a part of our lives, that their end of the journey, I profoundly hope, is just another beginning.
To Wil, Anne, Nolan and Ryan and the rest of the clan Wheaton: My familie's sincerest sympathies, and our thoughts for you and your loss.
The Romero Clan
Philadelphia, PA
at April 1, 2005 10:15 AM
My condolences to all of your family. As all of us who share out cats's homes, I feel your sadness very deeply. Thanks for your expression of what we all feel and fear.
Posted by: mr frosty at April 1, 2005 11:50 AM
So sorry to hear about Felix, but I'm sure you made the right choice. He's off to a better place now, where catnip flows like water and there's always a house to prowl around in.
to you and your family...
Posted by: Techie1225 at April 2, 2005 03:30 PM
Wil and Anne, I am so sorry. I've never considered myself to be a cat person, though I have interacted with a few pretty cool cats in the past. You really brought Felix to life for me. Thank you for doing that. I know it was hard.
Posted by: Kazman at April 3, 2005 08:44 AM
I originally started to read this at work last week but had to stop so I wasn't bawling at work. Now that I'm safe in the confines of my own home, I can let loose... My heart goes out to you and your family...I've been there, done that, and it's never easy...But you've handled everything with grace and dignity.
Posted by: jen at April 3, 2005 02:39 PM
I went through a nearly identical experience with my beloved cat of twenty years. I am so sorry for your loss.
http://fasternu.blogspot.com/2005/04/and-now-im-sad.html
Posted by: fasternu at April 4, 2005 07:23 AM
Sorry to hear about Felix. We just had to let our dog go this weekend. After 17 years of friendship and love it is a hard thing to do. But you put it perfectly when you said roughly that the decision shouldnt be what we want but what she wants. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Posted by: Kingrooster at April 4, 2005 09:53 AM
Hey folks, I woke up yesterday to find that my cat was unable to walk. The vet told us that it's chronic renal failure. He's been shivering (spasming?) a lot. Has that been typical for anyone else? Have your cats gotten back the ability to walk? Did they refuse water?
My cat is 15 years old so... you know... but we're hopeful that we can help him to feel as good as possible until it happens.
Posted by: thunderjones at April 6, 2005 06:25 AM
We lost our Spooky to Kidney disease in Sept. 2002. She was with us for 16 years. We found her on Halloween, a ball of fur some crazy teens were trying to run over with their car. I rescued her and we were forever in her debt. She was a member of our family. She was a sister, a friend, a caring and perceptive feline empath. She thought she was human and after a while we just accepted that fact. We miss her no less than if she was. Our lives were better for having known her and having her in our family. We will see her again....'Spooky' cat. Our love goes out to you, Wil. Although the pain of passing is sharp and lasting, with time it turns into a greater feeling of the love left behind.
Posted by: potio at April 6, 2005 10:49 PM
Wil, our cat Shiva died of a blood parasite when he was 6 years old. He would have died anyway two days later if we had not put him down when we did.
Even now, more than two years later, I still see him running down the hall after waking me up in the middle of the night to let him out. I love him still. I miss him still.
When I remember Shiva now, it is with laughter and love. I strongly suspect it will be the same for you and the Bear.
Posted by: frombirthtodeath at April 7, 2005 03:14 PM
Wil,
I think Felix was a very lucky cat to have found you and your family. I too had and have my share of "Felix's" at home.
I always thought long ago seeing you on the Star Trek Next Generation episodes that you seemed like such a sensitive and caring person, and now I see that it is true.
God bless you and yours...
Beth
at April 14, 2005 09:49 AM
Wil,
I just don't know what to say, I just started getting caught up reading your blog and so much has happened...I lost "my" kitty about two years ago and his brother is still with us, but I am not sure for how long. He is very old...
I have grown up with my cats, I watched their birth when I was still very young and now I am 23 and still have one of them with me. And I still can't help but think of Michael...
I have read many sad stories and many blogs from many people... I have heard stories that would make most people break down in tears and I have always kept it inside...But to listen/read your events without knowing it I had been moved to tears.
What I am trying to say is I can relate to your pain, I believe that pain is an individual thing to each person and different for each so we can't truly know it, but we can relate to it... And while this is a bit late I know, and I will post it to something more recent because I want you to know how much my heart goes out to you, because I know even a year later I still miss Michael and it makes me sad when I remember I wont see him peak around the corner and meow at me and try to startle the heck outa me.. and that he wont be waking me up anymore by nuzzling me gently first and stronger and stronger till I get the message.
I want to express just how much my heart goes out to you. I like so many people remembered you from TNG, but until I saw you on The Screen Savers one day I never really realized what a wonderful person you are. Intelligent, Caring, Fun, Creative, and above all....Real. I would be ordering copies of your books but I just read the post a bit ago and already you were sold out. I do however look forward to more than ever reading your works.
So please accept my digital hug and know that you are indeed a special person in this universe. BTW I know I have referred exclusively to you, but this is also meant for your lovely wife and family as well.
A/G
Posted by: TNAlphaGeek1982 at May 3, 2005 08:59 PM
I must have been out of the country when you wrote this. Please accept these condolensces belated.
As I sit here and write this, Whipper is sitting at my feet and Mariah is sitting on Whipper's "perch" beside me. I know the love of a good cat. Due to financial contraints "the two ladies" went five years before being spayed, and Mariah almost didn't make it. She gave us a real good scare and we were actually at the point of preparing for the end when Mariah "told us" - "nope, I'm not ready to go" and came back literally overnight. I can really imagine the pain if she hadn't. I could feel it coming when she made the U-Turn.
On behalf of Whipper and Mariah and all the "staff" in the house, please accept our corporate condolensces in your time of grief.
Posted by: netnomad at May 5, 2005 09:00 AM
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