Wil,

Good idea about grief council, but I have to say, when my Lady had to be put diwn I was not right for about 6 months. I did get over it, asyou will too.

Enjoy Spring Break with the Boys, and stay well. Take care of you first and foremos,t because we all want a happy and healthy Wil W. :) BEST WISHES ALWAYS, AND THANKS FOR UPDATING TODAY!

Posted by: Quincey at April 4, 2005 01:04 PM

Wil,

Good idea about grief council, but I have to say, when my Lady had to be put down I was not right for about 6 months. I did get over it, as you will too.

Enjoy Spring Break with the Boys, and stay well. Take care of you first and foremost, because we all want a happy and healthy Wil W. :) BEST WISHES ALWAYS, AND THANKS FOR UPDATING TODAY!

Posted by: Quincey at April 4, 2005 01:07 PM

I think that many people think that it is strange to grieve deeply for lost pets, but I think we can feel almost as deeply for our animals as we can for people. Why should such love be valued less? I would be absolutely inconsolable if one of my cats died (I still tear up when I think about the stray cat I took in when I was eight that my parents forced me to give up at the animal shelter).

At any rate, I don't think you should feel that your grief in inappropriate. It honors the memory of your pet that you mourne for it. (Although, grief counseling probably wouldn't hurt...I don't want to discourage you from that.)

Posted by: Tina at April 4, 2005 01:11 PM

It is me or is the horse racing channel TVG trying to get more viewers by showing Texas Hold'Em in between races?

What's up with that?

Whenever I play Texas Hold'Em, every hand I ask myself WWJTKD?

(What would James T. Kirk do?)

Posted by: Governor Rocknar at April 4, 2005 01:17 PM

Hi Wil,
Your feelings are on the write track. Its not so out of the norm to feel the loss of a pet so deeply. Take it day by day, and rejoyce in the fact that he is not hurting any more and he is running, jumping and playing, and most of all making new friends. At least that is how I would think of it. I have lost way to many of my children over the years and that is the only way I can get through it.
Have a great week with the kids. God I wish they had a paid spring break for the working class like us, I miss being in school alot.
Best wishes and bright blessings

Posted by: dallasslayer at April 4, 2005 01:18 PM

Time and talking about it, those are the ingredients for recovering from loss. Hang in there Will.

Posted by: lois at April 4, 2005 01:21 PM

Hey Wil,
I believe that pets to be part of the family and you do grieve when you lose a family member so why not feel that deeply towards a pet. I know I personally lose it for a long time when I lose my dear pets. Getting help is the best idea if you need to go that route. It's helpful to get things off your chest.
I wish you all the best.

Posted by: 1cutebird at April 4, 2005 01:24 PM

The hardest thing about death is there is never any way to escape it. That's what sucks, that it's something that will happen to all of us eventually and the passing of a loved one, be it human or pet, reminds us of that.

I don't see your grief as anything wrong or unnatural, Wil. If anything, there'd be more something wrong with you if you didn't grieve. But it probably will help a lot to talk to the grief counselor, it might give you a chance to get the pain out of you without fear or worry of seeming weak.

Posted by: Governor Rocknar at April 4, 2005 01:25 PM

Sorry about your cat. Want one? Jack and I are on the outs since he took my eye Kill Bill style the other day.

Re: Trackbacks -- I'd go for the first option.

Posted by: mcsey at April 4, 2005 01:27 PM

Good idea about seeking help - the combo of all those things would get me down too. Give yourself time to heal. Your cat is the one that you saw everyday so he is harder to get over.

Take the kids someplace fun - I took mine to the zoo but that is something that we love to do - Kids usually get asked if they did anything so it would be cool for them to have something to say besides I hung out with my parents all week

You forgot to list sunscreen as part of the backyard clean up things to need - but then that might be more of my red hair requiring that ;)
but the beer is a great idea for it anyways

Posted by: Reddy at April 4, 2005 01:31 PM

Grief counseling is a good idea for anyone but honestly you aren't doing anything I didn't do. You're an actor/writer you feel things deeply, its just what you do. It's what we love about you. Your cyber friends are here for ya.

Posted by: Angela at April 4, 2005 01:35 PM

just an FYI on the trackback - there's a plugin for MT available on the MT website called "Conversation Killer" that kills access to comments and trackbacks after X amount of days. Thought you may be interested.

Posted by: somethingclever at April 4, 2005 01:40 PM

Good to see you back blogging so soon.

Firstly, hold off on the counseling. If this is the first time you've lost an animal that was *yours*, give yourself a couple of weeks to adjust.

You're self-aware and objective. You may not need any couch time yet.

Secondly, if you signed a bunch of books and actually made a little blog-ad for YOURSELF and put it up there saying: "Buy my books. Pay my bills", you'll make that cash back in two shakes.

You may want to work on that headline, though.

You're the writer. You'll think of something.

--AJ @ Egg Radio

Posted by: AJ at April 4, 2005 01:52 PM

I recently lost our family pet and I know how hard it can be. To top it off...my mother passed away about a month ago, so I can see where you might still have grief pertaining to your lost family member and friend.

I have been reading your site for some time now and have enjoyed what you have shared about your life.

Its very cool!

Posted by: Amy at April 4, 2005 01:59 PM

Wil,

I have lost three cats (and a lot of finches) in the last five years. I have grieved for each one (although the latest kitty loss was the worst for some reason, Chubby was Matt's cat, but she became my faithful companion during my stays at home after chemo rounds. She still loved Matt more than me, but I grieved her loss more than her mother Panther and my kitty Skinny). Skinny's brother Little Juan is still with me, though at 15 and with some serious weight loss (although the blood tests are not too out of whack for his age), I am scared of the day when I will lose him (he is my 'baby'). Anyway, I am not sure how one would quantify grieving, but I know that pets are a part of the family and are to be grieved as such.

All I can offer is hugs to you and your family, take care.

Odile

P.S. Hope to see you in Vegas! ;)

Posted by: Odile at April 4, 2005 02:16 PM

I still think you should go with the Adsense. In fact, I think Google Ads are less annoying and obtrusive than the BlogAds you currently have running. I have no idea how they'd compare in revenue, though.

Posted by: alan at April 4, 2005 02:16 PM

I'm really sorry about The Bear, Wil.

Re: Adsense, I'll give it just a little plug. It's inconspicuous, delivers remarkably relevant ads, and could seriously help you cover costs. (I'm continually surprised by how successful the ads have been on my site, and I've received no complaints from readers.)

Also: WordPress 1.5 has amazing spam protection. I ended up ditching MT for WP (took all of about 15 minutes to make the switch), and haven't received any comment or trackback spam in over a month.

Just my 2 cents.

Posted by: kim at April 4, 2005 02:19 PM

I just recently lost my dog, Bailey of twelve years...odly enough when I recieved the e-mail(I'm away at school)the song that was playing on my Launch Cast was "Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong... I'm sorry for your loss...

Posted by: bookwormgrrl at April 4, 2005 02:26 PM

Wil, I was out of town so I was unable to post til now. So sorry about Felix! You have had a very hard time with these sick cats lately, so don't be too hard on yourself. You may be pre-grieving Sketch, in part. But get help if you need it.

Your last couple of posts really tore me up -- I have a lot of unresolved grief about my own cat Spike, who died of kitty AIDS. Don't let anyone tell you your grief is inappropriate -- pets are family members. The deeper your grief, the deeper your love. Just remember you gave Felix a much happier life all these years than he would have had living in people's garages. And he knew it, and loved you for it. Try to remember that.

Posted by: RavenDX at April 4, 2005 02:27 PM

I know when my Frodo died I felt the same way, constantly looking for him in his usual spots, despite the fact that in my head, I knew he wouldn't be there. I guess the heart operates on a whole different level.

Posted by: Cybersyd at April 4, 2005 02:28 PM

Go with the GoogleAds. They are unobtrusive and you deserve to cash in on your celebrity! Think of it as payback from the 'net for alt.wesley.crusher.die.die.die!

:)

My condolences for you loss. You were lucky to have such a good friend for so long.

-adam

Posted by: AdamAnt at April 4, 2005 02:32 PM

I'm a big fan your your weblog and I was very sad to read about your Bear. I suddenly lost my dog several years ago and I remember the feeling of coming home and expecting her to great me for months after her death. My mom really took it hard and for at least a year would cry any time someone said our dog's name. I now wonder if she should have gone to a counselor for help with her grief. Pets can become a member of the family so it's no wonder we grieve for them as if they're people. But just like with people, it gets easier with time and soon the sadness of letting go will be replaced by the happy memories.

Posted by: Courtney B. at April 4, 2005 03:08 PM

Wil

There are grief counselors and support groups specifically for people who are dealing with the loss of a pet.

But honestly, give yourself time. I went to a support group after I had to put my previous cat to sleep. After listening to some of the people there, some who had been attending the sessions for anywhere from six months to a year and more, I realized that what I was feeling was completely normal.

(One woman was looking for a carbon copy of the dog she had lost; another had been grieving for three years over a dog he'd had for only a year and a half; one man was having violent nightmares about his dog because his family had completely stripped the house bare of everything that even remotely had anything to do with the dog while the man was out for the evening.)

You can certainly seek out counseling. But trust me, you're just going through the normal grieving process. Do what you need to to keep going. Remember Bear and keep him in your heart.

You'll be okay.

Posted by: ShelaghC at April 4, 2005 03:12 PM

Animals make a place in our lives when that place is suddenly vacated there is a big empty hole inside us. The rational part of you is saying this was just a cat and don't be so silly...well guess what? It wasn't just a cat it was a friend you've just lost (which always hurts) and you aren't a rational creature, you're an author and as such live in a world of emotions which you let sweep over you and through you. Yes you're going to feel it and it'll hurt, but remember it and use it when necessary in the future.

As for the books, well stick a few signed copies up on ebay...see what happens. It's got to be worth a try (I hope you are willing to mail them internationaly).

Phil

Posted by: Phil_B at April 4, 2005 03:15 PM

As a reader, I'd be willing to give the whole AdSense thing a try for a week or two. I rarely pay attention to ads as it is, but I might even be persuaded to click a few if it helps pay the bills for you and your family. Scratch that, I would DEFINITELY click a few. I'm sure other members of your posse would as well. Not that signed books and other assorted goodies aren't a good idea too...

Posted by: Code Pirate at April 4, 2005 03:41 PM

To the guy who posted the last comment about clicking ads just to get Wil some money -- don't do that, please. It's illegal and against the terms of services for google ads. If you want to click on the ad because it genuinely interests you, THEN you should click it. Being swayed by the host of the ad to click on it is not cool beans (and I know that's not Wil is implying).

BUT... now that that is out of the way... Wil... I recommend trying out the adsense banner on a test basis for a week or two. You won't know what the statistics are goign to be like for a couple of days at least (as it takes time for google to catch up and do some kind of quality filtering). If you want to be inconspicuous, trying the ad out on your archives pages only will do the trick.

Again, sorry about the loss of the Bear. He's in kitty heaven now and I'm sure having a great time.

Posted by: Super Genius at April 4, 2005 03:47 PM

One more recommendation for Conversation Killer here -- I'm using it on my site, and it works wonderfully well.

Posted by: Michael Hanscom at April 4, 2005 03:56 PM

When I loss my dog, I was floored by how upset I was. There was a little voice in my head that said, "you shouldn't get so upset over an animal." But I didn't listen because we grew up together and she has more than earned her right to be mourned as much as any person. It took me at least a month to not expect her little nose through the fence and her little eyes peeking at me as I drove up to the house. I still get a little sad almost a year after her death. Only you can judge what's "normal" griefing or not. Grief counseling can certainly be useful for both yourself and anybody else around you that has lost someone or something. I'm actually think that everyone can benefit from a little counseling. If nothing else, it makes us better listeners.

Posted by: Holly at April 4, 2005 03:57 PM

Re: AdSense

Considering the incredibly wide readership of WWdN, why not go the route Doug Kaye did with IT Conversations and add a "tip jar"?  That way, you don't have to bother with adds unless you (and your readers) okay them.

Posted by: gaerfindel at April 4, 2005 04:57 PM

The thing about AdSense is that we can sit here and click away, making it pretty easy to contribute...and those ads are fairly inobtrusive (unobtrusive? Sheesh...you'd think I make a living with words or something.)

Posted by: Thumper at April 4, 2005 05:07 PM

Sounds like Felix may be the emotional straw breaking the camel's back. Losing a pet can be as devastating as losing a family member; it sounds like you are very in tune to your emotions right now. It also sounds like you're on the right track as far as staying busy and enjoying time with the boys. Take care; as always I enjoy your updates.

Posted by: warcrygirl at April 4, 2005 05:20 PM

I have recently discovered your blog, love it by the way...Sorry to hear about your loss. Maybe a new pet will help ease some pain, I know it sounds bad, but for some people it works. Hope the blues lighten a little.

Posted by: nicole at April 4, 2005 05:30 PM

A grief counselor is a good idea. Look for a vet school near you, as they sometimes have grief programs especially geared to pet loss. That said, you are still pretty close to things. My cat Nick has be gone almost three months now. (It'll be three months this Thursday and he was only two years old.) I still see him out of the corner of my eye sometimes, but when I turn he's not there. Or I'll see his brother come around the corner and think its him.

It gets better, and easier, you still feel sad but you begin to be better at dealing with it over time. I thought my grief was disproportional to the loss as well, my Grandmother died last summer and I didn't feel this sense of loss. I think it was because Nick was the first living thing to die under my care, and his death seemed sudden, and I hadn't had any time to get ready for it emotionally. My Grandma on the otherhand was given six weeks to live just about three years before her death, she lived a rich, full life, and I had a lot of time to come to grips with her death, I could talk to her and there was plenty of opportunity to say goodbye.

With Nick though it always kept playing in my mind, "what if there was something more I could've done". If I'd just done something different he'd be alive now. I took on a lot of emotional responsibility for things that I shouldn't have, in the end, there was nothing I could do. He died at home, with his family all around him, his favourite snack of ice cream still fresh in his mind and as happy and comfortable as was possible under the circumstances. In the end I've had to accept that, like you, I did everything I could, more than many people would think was reasonable and there was nothing more I could've done that would have changed the outcome.

He was your friend, he died, its normal to be sad.

Posted by: James M at April 4, 2005 06:19 PM

I would love to buy an autographed copy of your latest book to help with your vet bills. It is touching to read about how much you loved your kitty. I have been and always will be an animals lover, and it touches my heart to read your words about Felix. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Posted by: Traci at April 4, 2005 06:58 PM

If you figure out either of those solutions to the trackback spam - let me know! I'd even be willing to go on a hunting spree with ya! It all seems to be coming in on a few specific entries and it's really fucking annoying!

Posted by: pyrofenix at April 4, 2005 06:59 PM

2 quick comments:

1) I found the intro to this piece (see link below) interesting. We lost 3 people in our immediate family in the past year. Losing someone you're close to (Human or other species) means rearranging your whole being. Your existence is different now. And I'd be willing to bet you're on the right track -- your feelings now are indicative of something larger.

http://www.thislife.org/pages/descriptions/04/257.html



2) IMHO, you're better off without Google. Everyone wants to be their friend b/c they're really popular right now, but they're just schoolyard bullies dressed up nicely. I haven't had any problems yet with AdSense, but their AdWords program is severely misleading and can cost you mucho bucks if you're not extremely careful. I've learned to be extremely careful when dealing with them.



Peace

Posted by: alibaba199 at April 4, 2005 07:06 PM

Wil,

It's not at all unusual to grieve a pet deeply or for months -- or even longer -- after the loss. I've written about grieving the loss of our ferrets -- but nothing up on any websites. My husband & I used to publish Modern Ferret magazine & we visited this topic several times. I think it's especially hard when you've been taking care of an ill pet for several months before losing him. You become closer to him as you feed him or give him subq fluids and meds to help improve his quality of life. When the pet dies, all that work is over; there's suddenly time to fill that used to be filled with caring for a sick animal.

If you feel the need for grief counseling, go -- there's no right or wrong to that. But what you're feeling is completely normal under the circumstances.

Spend time with your memories.

Take care,

Mary

Posted by: Mary S. at April 4, 2005 07:10 PM

I love this site for what it is. Totally horrific to look at, design wise, but it's a personal hobby so it should be horrific, and for that I love it.

The reason I thought I would post is I lost my kitty LizBeth last July - she was my mini me. Thankfully I have 3 other kitties to help make up for the much missed kitty love of LizzyB.

I named my graphics/photography company 4PhatKatz and it was hard for me to use the name after she died (Kidney failure) but now I feel it is a tribute to the kitties that have made my life worth living.

Take care.

Posted by: B at April 4, 2005 07:35 PM

Another option to limit trackback spam, which doesn't require closing topics, is to rename your trackback cgi script. It's amazing how infrequently the spammers update their search results. I changed my mt-comments script name several months ago and still get several 404 entries in my html logs for the old comments script.

Here's a description:

http://www.elise.com/mt/archives/000577trackback_spam.php

Posted by: virusdoc at April 4, 2005 07:38 PM

Wil,
I've recently added Ad-sense to my website (http://www.fyreplace.com), If you glance at the site, you'll see it on the right-hand column under the "Gratuitous Capitalism..." heading.

They allow several choices, and I chose the 120x(whatever, 300, I think) tower, displaying two ads. Customized the colors, and now it's relatively non-intrusive.

Personally, I feel it's a great way to make money, with Google's keyword targeting, it'll target towards things people who visit your blog may actually be interested in.

I'm hugely anti-ad and have even blocked a vast majority of the ads I see through a firefox plugin.

Try just adding a single tower to your site and see what you think. Maybe the revenue will take off. You can pretty-well control the ads displayed, once you learn the system, and you can always remove them, later-on.

Google also allows turning OFF PSA's - which are ads you don't get paid for, that are shown when there are no targeted ads availible for your site at that time. There is a small script you can include() to collapse the tower (if you don't see any google ads on mine, Google simply didn't match any ads to keywords on my site at that time) when there aren't ads availible.

Personally, I think it's worth it.

(As for trackbacking spammers, I think there's a plugin availible (for MT) for new TB Auto-disable after a certain time period. Unsure from where, though.)

Posted by: Eric/Fyre at April 4, 2005 07:40 PM

If you want a hand killing all the spammers, I'm game. Until then, I use the rather nifty "mt-close2.cgi" to close all my posts over a given age to trackbacks. Seems to Just Work, at least so far, though you do need to manually run it once in a while, it's not automatic.

http://www.arseburgers.co.uk/blog/archives/000977.html has more about it.

Posted by: James at April 4, 2005 07:49 PM

ohmigosh that looks SO cool. And I'm at work right now. So I can poke around with it and get paid to play (haaza!!!) You scored the big one with this engine :) it's the single coolest thing I've found on the internet in a while and I just want to stand near it to bask in some of it's radiating coolness Ok, that was probably nerdier than a girl should be, I confess. But I work 11p-7a, so, like... I don't see sunlight and stuff.

Posted by: battybeyond at April 4, 2005 08:22 PM

Hey Wil - Instead of going the "ad-route"... why not just throw up another 'tip jar' to help cover the vet costs? Believe it or not - the world DOES still have a few good people and they just might be willing to throw some bones/clams/duckets your way. You've done it before. Do it again. I should know all about the tip jar - I control the rivers of Heaven: I'm a bartender.

Posted by: Chicago Doppelganger at April 4, 2005 09:37 PM

Nice to hear from you and you are doing a good job of staying in your life. I just got my copies of "Just A Geek" and "Dancing Barefoot". I am pretty happy about it since I am desperately out of reading material, and old copies of "Asimov", while lovely, only go so far.

Re: Grief Counselor. I support you doing what you think is best for you at this time. No one else knows you any better than yourself.

Re: Acme - I *really* would love to see this show somehow, but there is no way to travel at the moment. Is there any chance there will be recordings of your shows for sale somewhere at sometime?
Pretty please? With Guiness on top?

Complete Kudos on igrep.com. You and they have chosen well. I wish you many years of happiness and geekliness.

Posted by: Emily_Nelfnoffen at April 4, 2005 09:42 PM

Wil:
Counseling is never a bad thing. What you really need, however, is TIME. The pain isn't going to go away overnight. You're going to be a lot better in a month I assure you. You lost a member of the family. That pain won't disappear just like that. Just take it easy and take it one day at a time.

Scott

Posted by: Scott T at April 4, 2005 10:41 PM

Hang in there bud, losing a loved one is tough. Just remember that he knew how loved he was when he passed, and that he was ready to go.

As for the ads, they wouldn't bother me a bit. In fact, why not put in the ads and offer some autographed books as well? I know I'd be interested in one...

J

Posted by: Jason at April 4, 2005 11:18 PM

As far as *AdSense* Banners..

You will have a choice of a *Skyscraper* Vertical ad on the side of your site or a Horizontal one on top or bottom...

Some are Text Ads pertaining to the topic you are currently talking about (and what area of the country your readers are viewing from), some are Banner Picture ads..

Your site shouldn't be *Infested* with Google Ads everywhere unless you add multiple ad codes..

Like I said they haven't done nothing for me, but I do not have alot of Traffic like you do...

I miss the *Kitty* also Wil... Had 6 when I was living in Houston and had to give them up when I moved to L.A. many years ago..

Chin Up Ensign Crusher!!!!!...

How you gonna make Captain With a Look Like that On Your Face???

:)

Posted by: Keith Xgaming at April 4, 2005 11:19 PM

YEAH! YEAH! Kill all the spammers! Let's do it!

Posted by: Joshua Archer at April 5, 2005 12:54 AM

Hey Wil,
I think that gardening is one of the best forms of therapy. It's so great to watch the patch go from being horribly overgrown, to just how you like it. I hope you feel better soon Wil, good luck with the show.

take care
rach

Posted by: rach at April 5, 2005 02:42 AM

Hey Will, I am glad your keeping busy, it might help a bit. It often does bring up some past that we have not grieved over when we experience another loss and your feeling are so normal. Try and remember the good times if you can and it will help. One day you will find yourself smiling at the photo's and memories instead of feeling sad. It just takes time. Congratulations on your sketches and well done! Sometime it is the ones we don't think will work that turn out to be the real winner. Also congratulations on your work with igrep. You'll do well. Have a good one and take care..

Posted by: LesleyInAustralia at April 5, 2005 02:57 AM

Wil,

igrep made a good choice in naming you spokesman^H^H^Hperson, I never would have known about the service if I hadn't read about it here. Good for them, good for you. I'll give them a chance next time I have a development question.

Death of a loved one is hard. There's no way around it; it messes you up for a while. Being surrounded by people you love can help, but if you're feeling the loss out of proportion, sometimes you need some outside perspective. Be well, man. We're pulling for you.

Posted by: Dan at April 5, 2005 05:52 AM

Wil, glad to hear your garden and your family are keeping you busy. If you are feeling as if you need to talk to someone, then you should. I am dreading the day one of my cats passes away, or my dog. I will be devestated. I have had them all since they were babies, and they are my family.

As for ads & such, I had planned to buy books, but saw a tease about autographed books, so I was holding out for those anyway. So if you decide to go that route, I am definitely contributing!

Take care and I hope the days get easier for you.

Sandra

Posted by: swl-mom2Bryn at April 5, 2005 05:53 AM

Hey Wil, just wanted to drop a note & say how sorry I am to hear about your loss. I've been reading your site for a while & getting all the other KC Actors to read it too. It really helps us to see things are about the same everywhere in the biz. Congrats on the CSI gig, you did great!
Anyway, I have been bawling my eyes out here at work following the stories of your cats. I have 4, and one of them is 19 years old, has just developed liver issues over the past year, and the recent bloodwork revealed his kidneys are starting to get weak too. Not too bad for a super old cat, but when you talked about how skinny Felix was getting it really choked me up, because my little buddy Fritz is the same. I've been pre-grieving big time, and it really helps me to see I'm not alone, and others are going through the same things. I know they're kind of short & hairy & they can't really talk right but they're still people! Sometimes even better than people to have around. Who knows how much time we have with each one? They don't come with expiration dates stamped on their furry butts after all, so it's hard the not knowing.
Well, this is probably sappy, but we really appreciate your candor, you are speaking to my generation really well, and it is very helpful.
Counseling sounds good, I'll be going starting tomorrow too, maybe they will have some strategies for dealing with this. Grief comes in waves. At first it feels like your chest is imploding and you'll never feel right again, but the waves come less often, I believe that. And you did all the right things for the Bear, never doubt that!
In the meantime, enjoy the moments of day to day living with all the positives if you can. Try to step out of griefland for a while!
hang in there!
Michelle

Posted by: Michelle the Madsongstress at April 5, 2005 07:04 AM

Your grief is NOT disproportional. It's just that contemporary society does not "approve" of people putting their animals/pets on such high pedestals. Don't worry---there are lots of us who DO understand, and have gone through it ourselves. When Osgood had to be put to sleep,I, too, was worried that people would think I was nuts for grieving so.

Posted by: rush at April 5, 2005 07:09 AM

Please make sure you let us know when you are selling the autographed books, as I need to replace mine. It went for a swim: http://griff.buzznet.com/user/?id=1011020

Posted by: griff at April 5, 2005 07:40 AM

Regarding income:

Firstly, I'm not too savvy about internet ads, but I don't see how google ads would be that different than the advertising you already have on your website. I've been visiting WWdN for about a year and a half and I wouldn't mind seeing a couple minor ads at all.

Secondly, can't you set up your site to sell some signed copies of your books directly to your adoring fans? I know, you don't want this to be another celebrity-selling-his-stuff site. So set up a separate site for the business stuff. Or an ebay store.

Just a thought.

Posted by: Sumo at April 5, 2005 07:44 AM

Pulling up the dandelions? Goodness, send them to me. I don't have a good crop of them this year, and the rabbits aren't getting as many as they want.

Posted by: drf at April 5, 2005 07:48 AM

Uh, sorry about the last post... I just re-read and realized selling books was what you had just mentioned. Too little sleep on my part, I guess. Anyway, good idea!

Posted by: Sumo at April 5, 2005 07:52 AM

And as for the $$ to pay the vets? Give us an opportunity to buy your books autographed! I would snap them up in a hurry!

Posted by: rush at April 5, 2005 07:53 AM

A family friend died yesterday... I just came back from visiting the family. It's just been a really sad day. You can't really measure your grief... you either feel it, or you don't. The wife's face kept reminding me of my mum's when my dad died. It's just so overwhelming for the first few days, but you know you just have to keep moving. It's good that you're keeping busy. Wherever Felix is, I'm sure he's at peace. :)

Posted by: Nadia at April 5, 2005 08:08 AM

Wil,
If you set up a confidential website, I am sure there are no shortage of ways people would be willing to help so your vet bill won't overwhelm.

I for one would be more than happy to get some autographed stuff; how about a program from your shows if there are any, 'cause so many of us live too far away to see the show.

How about making a recording of one or more of your live shows? Just a thought....
Jen in Illinois

Posted by: miskaffon at April 5, 2005 08:36 AM

Sometimes we have to take grief along with happiness. It's the opposite side of the same emotional coin. Your capacity to grieve speaks volumes about your capacity to love.

Emotional healing after the loss of a special companion animal takes time, something I know first hand. You did everything humanly possible for him, including making the final trip to the vet. You're a good man, Wil Wheaton.

Posted by: Thomas at April 5, 2005 08:50 AM

I'd go ahead with the ads. People that are really bugged by them can download AdBlock. Personally, I don't mind seeing a few ads in exchange for free content- it's (literally) a small price to pay.

Thank you for posting all about your Felix. My cat is 16 years old, and we recently adopted a stray dog who we found out has advanced heartworm. I will soon be going through what you are going through now, and sometimes it helps just knowing how other people handle problems (even if I handle things a little differently).

Posted by: FNRThomas at April 5, 2005 09:02 AM

Hi Wil,

I wanted to let you know that if your reaction to the loss of Felix The Bear seems disproportional then you're doing just fine. I sobbed like a baby reading your story, as did many of your readers. Because of the level and type of communication between humans and other animals, we often form our deepest attachments to our furry companions. We've all lost someone special to us and we all feel for you.

Anyway, it's good to hear that you all spent some good quality time together this week. I'm on my autumn break next week and hope I can have some quality time with Butterfly who turns 1 Monday.

In your time of grieving I hope you can cherish the beauty in your life and remember why you dare to love despite fear of loss. Sic transit gloria mundi.

Love,
Rockety

Posted by: Rocket Rainbow at April 5, 2005 09:11 AM

I say also, do the ads, Wil. They have never been intrusive in any sites I've seen them on, and considering how easy it is for you to make at least some money with it, I say go for it.

Posted by: Eaglet at April 5, 2005 09:25 AM

It's been almost a year now since my feline companion of more than 19 years, Cyr, passed through the door from this existence. He had been with me since college...through 2 divorces...3 living spaces...the death of my father (who he used to sit watch on while my father slept on the morphine while dying of cancer). He was the only consistent touchstone in my life for almost 2 decades.

There is no way that having that sort of change does not cause a strong emotional reaction. Our living companions, whether human or another species are our groundings in life. The connections that make this ride vibrant. You'll miss him. You'll miss him daily. And then, not so daily, but it will still be odd that he is not where you "expect" him to be. Over time, your mind and heart will come to the place where you will have truly taken in the change.

Don't begrudge yourself the waves of grief, they are normal. Anyone who says otherwise has not lost someone (whether human or otherwise) they held dear. However, grief will dredge up old hurts you may have packed away in the closet of your soul before you had truly worked through them. Such emotions stay packed in their little (or not so little) boxes until the container is kicked open...once open, you'll find that box holds your pain or whatever you packed there, just as fresh as the day you put it away.

Allow yourself to feel fully and completely. Don't pack this one away. Look at what it brings to the surface and try to feel those feelings too, so that they don't keep taking up space within your mind and heart.

When you have drunk fully from the cup of sorrow, you will put it down, ready again to feel joy.

D.

Posted by: rougewench at April 5, 2005 09:43 AM

From what we can glean from your post, I would say you're handling the loss of an immediate family member with great resiliency. The fact that within three days you're up and doing stuff (even to distract yourself) means that you're starting to grieve in a very healthy way.

If you're seriously non-functional in a month, then going to a councilor might be a good idea, but it sounds like you're already back on your feet, more or less. There's certainly nothing _wrong_ with going to a councilor, though.

Keep up the good work! I look forward to firing up WWDN every morning. Can't wait until your third O'Reiley book comes out.

Take care of you and yours.

Posted by: Craig Steffen at April 5, 2005 09:53 AM

. . . it's good to hear that you are out in the garden . . . and that you are going to check in with someone around the grief you've got going on . . . you never cease to amaze me with your sensitivity . . . and your practicality . . . I also wanted to let you know that I finally got to see your CSI episode . . . you did such a great job with it . . . the tremors going on - the righteous anger and ridigity - the attempts at being slick that were just loopdeloops. I don't have a tv so I put out a call here in the comments a couple of weeks ago and another wwdotnet reader mailed me the videotape of the episode which I just finished watching down in the library multimedia section. So well worth it on all levels . . . :) Best wishes to you . . . sending you and your family a hug . . . keep doing what you love . . . there are so many of us that appreciate your heart, passion, humor, and warmth :)

Posted by: Katherine at April 5, 2005 10:03 AM

Autographed books for sale is a great idea; but shoot- you could probably even just put up a PayPal button for donations for vet bills. We've all been there, pally, and many of us fellow cat-staffers would be willing to help share the financial burden.

My husband and I believe that since we're probably regarded as "unsaved" by most major world religions, we're counting on our cat buddies who have gone on before to sneak us into Cat-Heaven through the back door flap... Rubbing cat bellies for eternity would be a pretty nice thing.

Posted by: BonzoGal at April 5, 2005 10:04 AM

I grew up in San Diego county where we had droughts every year, complete with water rationing. Just how do you keep a nice yard year-round in So Cal? Do you have the droughts up in LA too?

Just curious...

Posted by: warcrygirl at April 5, 2005 10:14 AM

I grew up in San Diego county where we had droughts every year, complete with water rationing. Just how do you keep a nice yard year-round in So Cal? Do you have the droughts up in LA too?

Just curious...

Posted by: warcrygirl at April 5, 2005 10:14 AM

Sorry for the double post.

Posted by: warcrygirl at April 5, 2005 10:15 AM

mr Wheaton,

Hello. I am writing from Ohio, Columbus to be exact. So I wanted to let you know that I have never lost an animal personally. My mother said" no animals they make a mess" (unless you count fish.) My girls(cats/black and whites) are 7.5 years and are my first pets. My son is 4years(also black and white) and was found at my clinic in a Kroger plastic bag(Kroger is a grocery store in the east). His eyes were not even open yet and I raised him, with the help of my husband. Now I know that you should never have favorites, but seeing as I raised him it is hard not too. I have more of a bond with Joey than I have with the girls. Note I call them my cow kitties. Being a Veterinary Technician(8 years now) I have seen many different ways people will show their grief. There is not a right or wrong way, there is only the way you feel. I am very sorry your loss and know that Felix is better now.

On a happy note I wanted to thank you so very much. My husband is a Technical Writer and is working for Nationwide Insurance. Since he started school 5 years ago he has lost his desire to write freely. He recently found out about your blog and noticed that you have a book out, Just A Geek. Now you must understand that that phrase sums up my husband perfectly. After only a few chapters he has been inspired to write once again. Not the boring manuals that he gets to write at work, but really writting for himself. I will also be reading it when he has finished. Again THANK YOU.

Posted by: Akia at April 5, 2005 10:30 AM

Hey, Wil. Sorry again for your loss. It is very hard to get through, but it will get better.

I'm sure if you put some autographed books on E-Bay, they would sell. I know I would bid. I'm out on the east coast and would really like one. Just a thought.

Posted by: zipposwaywardsun at April 5, 2005 12:12 PM

Wil. A young friend of mine had this problem. He was terrified of dying young. I wrote this for him...

He does not try to trip us,
He does not make us fall.
Each day he walks beside us,
Our most loyal friend of all.
He does not try to guide us,
He does not try to lead.
He goes to where we take him,
He requires no act or deed.
He smiles at all our efforts,
Not turned by truth or lies,
And when our time is over
He will gently close our eyes...

So if that doesn't work, get your best friend to slug you - just to remind you that you're still walking the green grass and sucking in air. Death is just a full stop. It doesn't spoil the story that went before.

Posted by: David L at April 5, 2005 12:18 PM

Having read Wil's blog for a long time, there is one thing that is pretty clear to me: Wil is not comfortable with making money strictly off his celebrity. He doesn't like the idea of people paying to eat with him at conferences. I don't think he really likes the idea of selling autographs. He definately does not want to put a tip jar out to cash in on the good nature of his fans.

On the other hand, I don't think that Wil is really thinking outside the box very much in the money department. A few suggestions:
- Record a commentary for "Stand By Me". Do it informally in your living room. Do it in one shot. Sell it for $1. A two hour investment becomes a couple thousand dollars. This is not cashing in on your celebrity. It is providing a service that you can uniquely provide. I don't know the legal issues with this... listen to the movie with headphones on so that your recording doesn't include any copyrighted material.
- Get some of your filmmaking friends to make short films of your comedy groups' retired skits. Put them on DVD and sell them. Give everyone involved a cut of the sales (including the salesperson). Not only does it make you money, but it helps the careers of everyone involved (which in turn helps you in the long run). This has a larger time investment, but if you are willing to sacrifice some production quality, you could easily shoot a 5 minute skit in an afternoon.

I imagine there is a sense that no matter what you do you are relying on your fame to make it successful. Like if you picked up a piece of trash on the road, called it 'found art', and auctioned it off as a piece of original Wil Wheaton art. I think that there is some element of truth to that, but I think that both the ideas above go beyond self-exploitation and would provide real value. I'm sure there are many, many other things you could create that would have real value too. Go do one.

Now.

No, really. Stop reading this and go do it.

Go!

Posted by: Alan at April 5, 2005 12:21 PM

Per that satisfying yardwork feeling:
an entry of mine

I have a boxhedge that surrounds our entire yard outside the fence. I decided that I didn't actually *need* power clippers, just the regular shears. Blisters aside, trimming the entire thing (a multi-day process) is one of the most Zen things I've ever done.

When life gets too big, or somehow reminds me just how much of it is outside my countrol, I often take my solace in my yard. Dig in.

Posted by: naiah christine earhart at April 5, 2005 02:36 PM

Alan, I respectfully disagree. Wil said in his post that he was considering selling some autographed books. He's sold signed books, photos and action figures on eBay to raise a little extra dough before. And I don't think he feels uncomfortable about it- he personalizes the items he signs and the people who purchase them feel it's well worth the money.

He's also "used his celebrity" to encourage people to donate money to good causes, and to sponsor him and his wife for charitable walk-a-thons.

And since Wil is now a professional writer, it's not such a horrible idea to put up a PayPal button "tip jar" for his writing. It's not like he'd be telling people they had to subscribe to read his blog, but if they wanted to pay for the enjoyment of reading then fine. His writing is already something of "real value"- and if not for the web, we'd be paying cash-money to read his essays in a zine or magazine.

I'm happy Wil's blog is free; but when someone we like, someone who shares so much with us, has a financial crisis, it's no shame for his fans and supporters to offer to chip in a little.

Posted by: BonzoGal at April 5, 2005 03:40 PM

Alan, I respectfully disagree. Wil said in his post that he was considering selling some autographed books. He's sold signed books, photos and action figures on eBay to raise a little extra dough before. And I don't think he feels uncomfortable about it- he personalizes the items he signs and the people who purchase them feel it's well worth the money.

He's also "used his celebrity" to encourage people to donate money to good causes, and to sponsor him and his wife for charitable walk-a-thons.

And since Wil is now a professional writer, it's not such a horrible idea to put up a PayPal button "tip jar" for his writing. It's not like he'd be telling people they had to subscribe to read his blog, but if they wanted to pay for the enjoyment of reading then fine. His writing is already something of "real value"- and if not for the web, we'd be paying cash-money to read his essays in a zine or magazine.

I'm happy Wil's blog is free; but when someone we like, someone who shares so much with us, has a financial crisis, it's no shame for his fans and supporters to offer to chip in a little.

Posted by: BonzoGal at April 5, 2005 03:44 PM

I apologize for the double post.

Posted by: BonzoGal at April 5, 2005 03:46 PM

Wil,
I'm sad about the loss of your beloved Felix. Seeing a grief counselor isn't a bad idea and I applaud you for seeking help as you navigate this experience. And... It's also true that the pain is what it is and will take the time it takes to work through. Be gentle with you and know that the love you shared with the Bear continues, resonating throughout the universe. It is intact and whole. It cannot be lost.
Much love,
Dot

Posted by: Polka Dot at April 5, 2005 08:08 PM

Someone once defined sentimentality as "too much feeling for too small an event".

Events are NEVER small when you're dealing with true companions.

I'm sorry for all the heartache you've been through, kid, with family and friends and pets. I'm glad you're considering a grief counselor. (I wish I had gone to one when I lost loved ones...my family was really great, but I always felt a little guilty, venting to people who were hurting just as much as I was, ya know?)

Thanks for thinking twice about the ads. I shall buy many books in gratitude.

Posted by: MtDewAddict at April 5, 2005 09:35 PM

You might want to consider how much WordPress will tax your system since it does a dynamic page creation->load. Are you currently using that feature in MT?

Also, any chance in talking to the peeps at igrep and coming up with some firefox plug-ins like the mycroft search box (is it mycroft. I think it is...) or I might just have to do it the old fashioned way by associating a keyword with the bookmark then typing ipgrep into the toolbar. Yeah, that is the old fashioned way. lol. pretty neat still except I don't really use my local bookmarks.

Posted by: freecia at April 5, 2005 11:16 PM

Dear Wil,
There is nothing I can tell you about grieving for your pet that the hundreds of other people who commented haven´t already told you. However, my dog Jökull died in 1999, and I still tear up everytime I think about him. It is a lasting grief. Next time I´ll try to lay off the doom and gloom. :-P

Posted by: Emblita at April 7, 2005 04:05 PM

Two and a half years ago, I took my cat in because she'd been feeling poorly for about a week. The vet discovered a tumor roughly the size of a lemon in her abdomen and said they could probably remove it. As Shadow was 16 years old at the time, I couldn't, in good conscience, agree to put her through that particular misery, especially if the best I could hope for was another year or two.

I had her put down that morning, and I stayed with her until the injection took effect. I sobbed for the next four days, and it wasn't until UPS delivered her cremains to me that I started to feel human again. Yet just now, typing this out, all the grief and sorrow hit me again, the pain as fresh and sharp as it was that October morning.

My point is that saying goodbye to a much loved pet hurts like a bitch. You're supposed to watch over them and love them; when disease hits, it's impossible to fulfill one of your main roles.

Your grief isn't out of line. Accept it as a sign of how much Felix meant to you.

Posted by: elementalv at April 7, 2005 07:54 PM

Wil,

I'm so sorry to hear about Felix the Bear. I have had cats my whole life, and know that the grief we feel when we lose a pet can be every bit as acute as when a human family member passes away. I cried reading your post, and I don't think the grief you described seems disproportionate at all. But if you feel a grief counselor would help, of course you should see one.

Another option, however, is looking for online communities that deal with pet loss. There are also pet memorial websites; while they are heartbreaking to read, they can also be very reassuring because you see that you're not the only one who feels the loss so acutely. Here's one such place:

http://www.rainbowbridge.org/

Also: I haven't been there in awhile, but I think that iVillage.com has a pets bereavement message board that has been very helpful to people I know.

Take care of yourself, your family, and give extra love to the pets you still have. Time will help, but in the meantime, we're all thinking of you.

Posted by: oregonchick at April 8, 2005 12:23 AM

I feel for you on all those trackback spams. I can't believe that not only do we have to suffer email spam, but we have to be subjected to comment, trackback and even referer spam!

Someone should really shoot all spammers dead.

Posted by: Pia Miranda at April 8, 2005 07:25 AM

I don't like spam either, tastes awful. Oh, and the e-mail type sucks too.
Actually, Jesus himself is a spammer. Check out his website. tedjesuschristgod.org
The guy at the site is some man from Arizona who thinks he's God. Anyone who reads this HAS to check out the site! the man calls himself Ted Jesus Christ GOD (TJCG). The way he writes on his site would lead you to believe he's crazy, but an other section where he asks for money (well, how else is he going to buy the boat that flies to Heaven?) leads you to believe it's all a scam. I think it's really a bit of both. Go to the site, and Ted be with you!
PS, really sorry about your cat, Wil.

Posted by: Yaakov at April 10, 2005 03:51 PM

Wil,
So sorry to hear about your cat. Grief counseling can be a good thing if you get the proper counselor. When I lost my Amanda, I went to a group that was formed by the university Vet staff and it was a good thing to sit and talk about the hole I felt in my life. I have since lost 3 more cats and I don't think I would have made it through their deaths without the help of those that I met in the group. We are all still friends and get together once a month to just keep a check on each other. We all have other animals that have come into our lives since the deaths of our 'kiddies' so know it is important to stay in touch.
Good Luck
Shirley

Posted by: mainecoon at April 11, 2005 06:27 PM