WIL WHEATON dot NET: Where is my mind?: on the first day of summer, my true love called me . . .

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June 21, 2005

on the first day of summer, my true love called me . . .

Anne is spending the day with her friend and her friend's daughter, out at some health club that's allegedly got a really nice set of swimming pools. She just called me and said, "I know you're writing, but I just had to tell you — I'm sitting here between a little kid pool, and the regular pool, and there are these two little girls in the little kid pool. One of them just said to the other, 'Well, I don't want to pee in this pool. Let's go into the big people pool.' And they did."

"So I guess you're not swimming today?" I said.

"Probably not." She said.

"Unless you go in the little kid ool," I said. "I hear that there's no 'P' in it."

"You did not just say that," She said.

"Hey, they don't swim in your toilet . . ."

"I'm hanging up now," she said. I could hear a smile in her voice. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Posted by wil at June 21, 2005 01:44 PM

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Comments

That's pretty sick. I'm glad she caught that ahead of time.

And really...how could she not have expected a no p in ool joke??

Posted by: Devyn

at June 21, 2005 02:00 PM

That is just hilarious. Except for the kids actually peeing in the pool deliberately... that just ain't kosher. :-p

It's little moments like these that really make the blog worth reading. Keep on keepin' on, and all that!

Posted by: Brian

at June 21, 2005 02:03 PM

Oh man, I'm laughin'. That was good.

Posted by: jubalation

at June 21, 2005 02:06 PM

I'm never swimming in a pool again.

Posted by: foxforcefive

at June 21, 2005 02:16 PM

Ah, come on, there's nothing cleaner than little girl pee. Oh, except baby pee--pure as mountain spring water!

Posted by: maycomb

at June 21, 2005 02:19 PM

Hey, the kids were just sterilizing the big pool for the adults!!!! No harm done... LOL!!!

That's an ironic story. My (soon to be) stepson and I were in our apartment complex's set of two pools a few days back, and a similar thought went thru my head, as I was lying in the ONE FOOT deep kiddy pool, "do I pee in this pool or the big pool???", I thought to myself.

Shortly there after my almost stepson said out loud, "I have to pee, maybe I should go in the big pool."

I sort of chuckled and told him to hold it. He said he did "hold it" as he came out of the adult pool later, but I'm not sure if I believe him.

As for me, I staying in the kiddy pool (it was way warmer, as it was raining cats and dogs out), and I decided not to "shit where I eat" and didn't pee in the kiddy pool.

Footnote: Why we were both lying the the one foot deep kiddy pool is beyond me (other than the warmer kiddy pool temperature). I'm 33, he's 13. We must have looked ridiculous.

GREAT STORY WIL!!!

:) Kelly

Posted by: kelsquatch

at June 21, 2005 02:50 PM

Odd: I said above that I was 33... Actually I'm not 33 until July 12th. Weird.
:( Kelly

Posted by: kelsquatch

at June 21, 2005 03:12 PM

Kelly, that story was great...though more disturbing than Wil's.

Posted by: Devyn

at June 21, 2005 03:24 PM

With all the chlorine they put in public pools like that, I think she's safe.

Got the book today... can't wait to read it. Thanks so much!!!

~Susan

Posted by: TheSingah

at June 21, 2005 03:29 PM

I have moments like that, too, with my wife.
And yes, she, too, finds my jokes a little on the cheesy side.

Posted by: Prydonian

at June 21, 2005 03:55 PM

I love that joke! I've been using it for years and it still makes my girlfriend groan every time!

Posted by: The_Confessor

at June 21, 2005 04:11 PM

Madonna once gave a beauty tip to pee on your own feet in the shower to prevent fungus. And the episode of "Friends" with the jellyfish? Anyway, gross all around, and I'm a mom with 2 under 5 :)

Posted by: Running2Ks

at June 21, 2005 04:17 PM

As I sit here, shaking with a chuckle, I SO look forward to scolding my kids about peeing in the pool. Not that I look forward to getting after my kids, but it's so VERY funny when you have to do it about something like that. A 3 year old just does not understand why it's not okay to pee in the pool. It's all water, right?

Posted by: VeronicaKnight

at June 21, 2005 04:26 PM

*cracks up* My Dad had the same sense of humor, that could have come straight from his mouth. Thanks for making me think of him, and giving me a big smile.

Posted by: artaith

at June 21, 2005 04:34 PM

Speaking of pee among friends, my ex-boyfriend once peed on me in the shower. I was so frickin pissed off (lol... bad joke there), seriously I was pissed.

I guess he was just trying to sanitize my feet or something (not).

Not exactly a golden shower.

Fucker.

PS... how did we go from G rated kid pool talk to X rated porn talk here??? lol

Sorry Wil...

-Kelly

Posted by: kelsquatch

at June 21, 2005 04:39 PM

Ha ha! The grown-up pool is pwn3d!

Posted by: jslicer

at June 21, 2005 05:10 PM

My five year old nephew would have walked over to the nearest patch of grass and pee'd there.

Posted by: ZiggyNJ

at June 21, 2005 05:33 PM

This has absolutely nothing to do with the post, but in case you didn't know... you are Meg's boyfriend of the week: http://www.megwood.com/

Posted by: Turk

at June 21, 2005 06:49 PM

LOL That's absolutely hilarious! I always think about that when I get in the hot tub at our complex... "Hmm... what all is in here?"

Posted by: Laura

at June 21, 2005 06:50 PM

After reading this, I am *so* having a talk with my kids before we go swimming this summer. Yikes!

I hope Anne had a nice time regardless...

Posted by: naiah christine earhart

at June 21, 2005 06:52 PM

You can always tell when a little kid is peeing in the pool. They stop, look bemusedly forward into space, hang a leak, and swim off...quickly.

Posted by: dappermapper

at June 21, 2005 07:17 PM

Wil,
Well, the beach is far more toxic. I have not swam in years.

Posted by: FABIAN

at June 21, 2005 09:30 PM

Thank You Wil!!

I needed that laugh today. You never know what is floating around in pools these days huh? I guess I said more info than anyone needed to know. Again, thank you for the laugh!

Posted by: JCade

at June 21, 2005 09:45 PM

LOL

That joke was unny, Fil!

Posted by: Scott T

at June 21, 2005 11:15 PM

Hmmm, all this talk about pee...
People seem to think that pee is so dirty, you can drink your own to survive you know.
This all reminds me of a story.
Once upon a time, in a sushi boat restaurant in San Francisco's Japantown. There once was a young couple having lunch. A few seats down was a mother and daughter. The daughter wanted to order Uni. A mass of yellow mucus with seaweed wrapped around it. Mother says no, that stuff tastes like pee. From the mouths of babes comes the question "How do you know what pee tastes like mommy?"
Made my day.

Oh yeah, will? What is the secret to the elite poker invites here in LA?

Posted by: Dune23

at June 21, 2005 11:50 PM

Oh yeah, what that kiddie pool needs is a good mounds bar or babe ruth. Ala Caddie Shack.

Posted by: Dune23

at June 21, 2005 11:54 PM

Cute story Wil.
I saw on VH1 where you wanted people to look
at your blog. I love it! I'm glad you mentioned it. I'm hooked already.

Katie

Posted by: Katie

at June 22, 2005 04:33 AM

Cute story Wil.
I saw on VH1 where you wanted people to look
at your blog. I love it! I'm glad you mentioned it. I'm hooked already.

Katie

Posted by: Katie

at June 22, 2005 04:33 AM

bwahaha! That's friggin' wrong. And totally something I'd say if I thought about it. ^^;

Posted by: Rainne

at June 22, 2005 05:03 AM

Too funny.

For some reason this whole thread reminds me of the scene in the movie "Caddyshack" with the kid in the pool and the Baby Ruth bar, and then Bill Murray cleaning the drained pool later on.

And on the subject of wives, one of the best parts of my work day is having my wife call me up just to tell me that she loves me. Sweet.

Posted by: fgw_three

at June 22, 2005 06:11 AM

Wil, I LOVE that Creature from the Black Lagoon icon. Where did you get it, and may I use it as a LJ icon? If not, I understand, but it made me laugh so hard.

Posted by: Squirrelly

at June 22, 2005 06:31 AM

Come on, people, it's only pee. It's sterile.
Pee is just water products that go through your body. People breathe worse. The chlorine is what's toxic. I'm sure you all learned about urine high school science class. People get so grossed out about body functions.
Besides, pee warms the water. :)

There was recently an anti-smoking TV spot which made the interesting point that people are disgusted by pee in swimming pools even though pee is non-toxic, unlike cigarettes.

I've heard that urine has healing properties.
Through history it's been used to sterilize wounds, and used it medicinally.
(See Wiki entry for urine: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urine)

Back to your post, it is a funny story. I giggled. She should have told you that urine trouble for saying that.

Posted by: AT

at June 22, 2005 07:03 AM

All this pee talk is disgusting (in the ocean - in my youth - yes, never in a pool! The first thing I read above is Wil's lovely wife Anne sitting by the pool!

I am also reminded of the doody incident in "Caddyshack" and Bill Murray's character eating the offending matter (a Baby Ruth bar) after the pool was cleaned out.... "It's no big deal..."

I am glad I have my own hot tub, I have never used the community pools and probably never will.

Posted by: DPJ2005

at June 22, 2005 07:49 AM

i don't know why you've not yet reviewed this

https://s48.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0H1YCERR9CSA801C16EDR34CBQ

but it is amazing
and will always be
those damn ninjas
speaking of ninjas...

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/6/20kahn.html

thanks

visit me @ http://www.livejournal.com/users/el_rana_verde/

Posted by: frog fuzz n flying stuff

at June 22, 2005 08:02 AM

and people think I'm weird because I don't swim in community pools!

Posted by: Katco

at June 22, 2005 09:51 AM

Standard pool urination joke:

Lifeguard: "I've been watching you, Mr. , and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool."

: "But everybody urinates in the pool."

Lifeguard: "From the diving board?"

Posted by: rpresser

at June 22, 2005 10:27 AM

Its time to bring back the pool hoax of telling your kids that there is a special chemical in the pool that will turn their pee red if they pee in it so everyone will know who is peeing or not. :)

Funny thing is .. people won't swim in public pools, but they have no problem heading to the lake and jumping in where thousands of other critters are doing more than peeing in.

I prefer a nice chlorinated pool over a lake or ocean any day .. no matter how many kids are peeing in it.

Pool = filtered and chlorinated
Natural Water Source = Earth's sewage system.

Posted by: Widget

at June 22, 2005 10:34 AM

Pools are one of my favorite places in the world, but I know (deep DEEP in the back of my mind) that there is probably not a pool on the planet that didn't get peed-in at some point in its existance. Fact of life, common knowledge, whatever. Sick but true facts! That must be why they use enough bleach in the water to practically turn me into a blond. Happy summer!

Posted by: Veggie_gurl

at June 22, 2005 02:18 PM

When you hit that warm patch in the pool...now you know how it got there.

Posted by: Tamara

at June 22, 2005 04:20 PM

Heeheehee..

What's the diffference between roast beef and pea soup?

Most people can roast beef.

(Verbalise it if you don't get it)

Posted by: Bog

at June 22, 2005 06:03 PM

HAHAHAHAHA! That was too funny. Pee's not so bad, at least is't sterile. What's disgusting is when you run out of the bathroom to grab the kids' pajamas and hear "Mommy! Gavyn pooped in the tub!" It's happened with two of my three kids, and NEVER when my husband's home. Gives me the heebies just thinking about it.

Posted by: KimAbshire

at June 22, 2005 09:45 PM

Primus sucks! Actually anything by Les rocks! Primus, Oysterhead, Flying Frog Brigade, Colonel Claypool's Bucket of Bernie Brains and it looks like there's going to be a new one ... the Electric Apricot!

Posted by: mbogucki

at June 23, 2005 11:54 AM

Might help if I post my comments under the right entry ... sorry bout that.

/noob

Posted by: mbogucki

at June 23, 2005 11:57 AM

...and the world went, "awwwwwww!" :DDDDD

Posted by: frogger

at June 24, 2005 01:05 AM

Reminds me of the 2nu song 'Count Em Up Queek'

Welcome to the S A
S A?
So I said 'Hey Mona, there's no P in you SPA'
and she said 'Yeah. . .and we'd like to keep it that way too'

Good times . . . good times.