This is a public service announcement, with guitar!

I have signed on to attend the upcoming CruiseTrek to Alaska.

CruiseTrek is always lots of fun, and I'm really looking forward to being a part of this year's cruise. I'll be bringing a small sketch comedy troupe with me, and we'll be performing a sketch show, similar to the one we did in Las Vegas, but with some new material. We'll also be performing an improv show, and we're going to run some improv workshops for anyone who's interested. You can get more information about the cruise here.

In completely unrelated news, I hung a screen door over the weekend, and it was one of the hardest, most frustrating home improvement things I've ever done.

How about a thought for today? We haven't had one of those in quite some time:

"Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative."
-Oscar Wilde

Summertime in my youth was always a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, it meant no school, and long days of swimming, exploring the wash, daring each other to race our bikes without hands down The Big Hill, and endless sleepovers.

On the other hand, it meant that there wouldn't be anything new or interesting on TV for at least four months.

Isn't it strange, that as children we could watch the same episodes of Scooby Doo and Gilligan's Island over and over again, and never get tired of them, but when summer showed up, and CHiPs went into re-runs, it was a major thing?

Maybe it's just me.

So I hated re-runs. I always felt like the people making the shows were loafing, and I wanted my TV, dammit.

Then eMpTyVee came along, and gave me the attention span of a ferret, and I didn't care any more.

Oh, this is totally unrelated to anything, but I have really nasty poison oak on my right arm, and the back of my left hand. I must have gotten it when I took Ryan geocaching last weekend. Yesterday, I scratched my arm so badly I made it bleed. I looked like I was from one of those scary movies about a guy who has poison oak and he scratches his arm so badly it bleeds. Scary!

Where was I? Ah. Reruns.

So I hated them. But, since I work primarily as a writer now, I understand that there are days, weeks, or even months, when you are just completely out of ideas.

This week has been like that. All of my creative energy is going to Arena, the ACME show, and getting ready for the sketch comedy show on the cruise.

But you know the cool thing about re-runs? If you didn't watch every episode, the re-run would be what the geniuses at NBC called "New To You!" Meaning, of course, that they wouldn't have to do any new work, and they could entertain a whole new group of people for free.

So guess what I'm doing today? Re-running an old weblog entry from August 27, 2001.

It's a story that I really like to tell, and that I'd like to share with anyone who's just showing up for the first time around here.

It's the story of how my wife found our dog, and it's called "Save Ferris."

Save Ferris

I'm listening to Cake right now. Have you noticed that Cake is one of those bands that evokes a visceral reaction in people? I mean, they either really, really love it, or they really, really hate it. I dunno, maybe it's just me.

Here's the story of Ferris:

My wife is the coolest, ever. You know that stupid corny hallmark-card thing about someone making you want to be a better person? Well, sorry, I like to be anti and all Emo and shit, but it's true. I love my wife more than anything, and she really does make me want to be a better person. I could gush about her for pages here, but I'm not gonna. I am going to exercise restraint.

Oh, fuck that. I knew from the moment that I saw Anne that I would marry her. Isn't that weird? Has that ever happened to someone who wasn't in some godawful Nora Ephron movie? And the way we met...it was all timing. My best girlfriend, Stephanie, worked with Anne for YEARS, but she never introduced us...I mean, she even babysat Anne's kids, at MY PARENT'S HOUSE when we were younger, and she never introduced me to Anne...because, when we look back at stuff, the timing was just all wrong. We weren't ready to meet each other. But when we did, it was bootylicious.

Anne is beautiful. I mean, she is fucking hella rad.

Hella.

Hella.

Hella.

I always joke that when we are out, people look at us and complain that there's another hot babe with a geek. I say that I am Bob Goldthwait to her Nikki Cox, David Copperfield to her Claudia Schiffer, Sigfried to her Roy...I truly adore my wife, and that's all I have to say about that.

One of the things I adore about her is how she has what Soul Coughing called "Boundless Love". Anne works every day, takes her kids to school, picks them up, deals with their dad, and still has time to make me feel like I'm important in her life.

We have this fake dog poop that someone gave us a long time ago, and we have the game that we play, where we try to put the poop in each other's stuff. Recently, I stuck it in the toe of her shoe, which was in her suitcase. She found it when she put her shoe on in Vegas. She put it in the exact middle of my bed, under the sheets, and it scared the hell out of me when I jumped into bed around 230 or something last week. My point is, my wife is cool, okay? Yesterday, when I was sobbing like a little bitch in our bedroom, she came in, sat next to me, put her arm around me, and just sat there, loving me. I could feel it. Then she gave me Kleenex, and told me that she'd leave me alone until I felt better.

So you need to know that to understand the story of Ferris.

Anne is a sucker for hard-luck cases, especially animals. One time a few years ago, she almost got hit on the freeway, because she saw a kitten running in the slow lane...so she stopped her car right there and got out to save the kitten, but it got hit by a car just before Anne could get to it, and Anne sat on the freeway, holding the kitten while it died in her hands.

She was fucked up about it for months.

So about 18 months ago, she and I are on our patio, and we hear this meowing coming from our garage. We both thought it was one of my cats, Biko or Sketch, (who are both inside cats, but occasionally get out), so we went to look...and out comes this skinny black cat with no tail. Anne immediately falls in love with him, and she takes him to the vet, to get him healthy again, while I make the "Found Cat" posters. Long story short: We thought he was going to die, the vet said he was just dehydrated, we got him shots, and Anne named him "Felix". He has lived with us ever since, and he is one ot the coolest cats, ever.

Shortly after Felix came to live with us, a woman Anne works with told us about this guide dog she trained, who was also named Felix. She told us that Felix works for a guy up in Canada (and you can't spell "runaway production" without Canada!), and Felix had been hit by a car, and they weren't sure if he would be able to work as a guide dog any more. I guess when a service dog has to be retired, they give the person who trained that animal the right of first refusal as a place to live out their life, but Rita (Anne's friend) lives in an apartment with her husband and young son. Not the best place for a 90 pound lab. So Rita asked her if Felix could come to live with us, and of course Anne said "yes". Long story short: Felix was okay, and he's still working with his guy in Canada. Which is great, because I can only imagine what the bond between service dog and owner must be like. I would just speculate that it's similar to parent-child, and I always hoped that Felix would be able to stay with his guy. In the process of waiting to see if Felix would come live with us, we got on a list for guide dogs who flunk their final exam, because we have wanted a dog for AGES, and we thought that would be the best way to get one.

We are ADAMANTLY opposed to pet stores selling dogs and cats, by the way /soapbox.

Anyway, cut to Memorial day this year. We have no dog. Anne is taking the kids to Home Depot, so they can buy the materials necessary to make a grind rail (they're all about the short boards. I'm all about the long boards. It makes for an interesting dynamic when we skate).

Funny aside: Ryan (12) and Nolan (10) were talking about how excited they were to get a grind rail, which they kept calling a "pole". Nolan says to Ryan, "We TOTALLY have to get some grinding wax, Ryan!" Ryan replies, "Yeah, so we can wax our pole!"

Okay, so they're leaving the Home Depot, and instead of going to the left, to get back to the freeway like they always do, Anne goes right, and passes this bus stop, where this tiny little dog is chewing on a t-shirt. Anne says that she felt compelled to stop and save her. So she did. As soon as she got out of the car, the dog ran into some Oleander bushes, and Anne spent close to 30 minutes getting her out, and took her to an Emergency vet, for some shots and to get the ticks out of her ears.

So Anne brings home this skinny, 27 pound, depressed little dog, and I must be totally honest, I was pissed. I was so mad that she had made this huge decision to take on the responsibility of a dog without consulting me. I mean, we have enough responsibilities already, you know? We really had it out. There was much gnashing of teeth, and Sir Robin soiled his armor. We finally agreed to keep her for a few days, and see how she was, and if she wasn't any better, we'd take her to a shelter where they don't euthanize the animals.

Well, the dog was terrified of me. She had CLEARLY been abused by a man, and she was terrified of men. "Great," I thought, "I'm going to be responsible for a dog who never lets me pet her. Terriffic."

And for the first 12 hours--wait, I know I'm not supposed to start a sentence with a conjunction. But I can't spell for shit, so why are you complaining now? Jeeze. Get off my back, Mrs. Lee [9th grade english teacher who flunked me because she said I couldn't write. I win.]--for the first 12 hours, she sat by the side door, never moving, never eating, just looking depressed. But somehow, my amazing wife loved this dog enough, and totally turned her around. Within 12 hours she was wagging her entire body, eating, chasing a tennis ball, and generally acting like a dog. And she let me pet her, and started following me everywhere around our house.

So we decided to keep her. But she needed a name...and that was very important. I wanted to give her a name from Mythology..."Athena" or "Psyche" or something. I know, lame. Deal. The kids wanted to name her "Haley", which didn't work for me at ALL, because in high school I had the most painful crush on a girl named Haley who treated me like Duckie...so we decided that we'd try on different names for a few days, and the right one would reveal itself to us.

Anne comes home from work the next day, comes in the door, looks at me and says, "Ferris."

"Bueller?"

"Sort of. Save Ferris!"

Okay, there is this band from OC that we LOVE called Save Ferris. They play with our friends fairview a lot. They rule.

Anne says, "Get it? Save Ferris. I totally saved Ferris!"

I looked at the dog, looked at her sweet, marble eyes and soft little puppy-fuzzy-head, and it was perfect. Not surprising, considering that it came from my wife.

So her name is "Ferris".

Isn't that a cool story?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

Bueller?

Okay, so I'm probably way behind the curve on this one, but I found my way to this guy's website, and because of that, I found my way to the Build-Yourself-As-A-Southpark-Character-Thingy.

It requires flash, and it entertained me for tens of minutes.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

Go Lakers!

eBay is auctioning tons of really cool TNG things. They have original scripts, some props, and some stuff from some other shows.

Included in this huge lot of stuff is a series of memos written by Bob Justman, one of the main creative producers and a very cool guy, to Gene Roddenberry. In the memos, Bob gives notes on the various scripts and story ideas.

This memo is about the episode "Code of Honor":

"Next problem. No Wes. We have Will Wheaton on a 13 out of 13 deal -- just like our other regulars. We pay him whether we photograph him or not. If we don't use him, all his teenybopper fans are going to be disappointed and we won't be taking advantage of one of our new show's greatest assets. I'm told we're not using him because our writers don’t' know how to write for him. I find that hard to believe. They're writers, aren't they? I know damn well that *you* can write him -- so why don't you show them how? Put him in a scene. I know you can do it. Another problem solved." "Listen to what Rick Berman has to say about this script -- and everything else, for that matter. He's smart and has very good ideas. He's already a great asset to you and 'Star Trek'. I'm sure that, as time zooms by, he'll become even more valuable."

I've looked over most of this stuff, and it's just incredible the amount of work these people put into making this series work.

While I'm sure some lucky (and wealthy) collectors will gleefully add this stuff to their private collections, I sure hope that these memos and notes are copied somewhere, and eventually collected into a book. I'd like to read it.

Before I say anything, I should point out that, yes, the last entry should be titled TAKE THAT, Comic Book Guy.

It is a glowing, shining, permanent example of just how totally over-extended I am in my life right now.

I actually woke up last week, and realized with great horror that I was simply...empty. I was totally out of ideas, and didn't have anything interesting to write about here. I think I'm being pulled in too many creative directions all at once, which is A Very Good Thing(tm)...but I'm more than just a little bit bummed that I'm not living up to my own standards here, recently...I mean, come on, reruns?! That shit is played, y0.

Anyway, since last time I wrote, I've actually been out in the real world doing stuff: I hiked to the top of Henninger Flats with Anne and found a geocache, went to Sacramento to collect on my bet with Boomer and The Dave at KWOD 106.5, and signed 200 pictures for the Star Trek Cruise.

There's some other very exciting stuff, but I can't talk about it yet. :-(

I've been up since 4AM on 5 hours of sleep, so I'm going to slllllllmmzzxxlxpxhghgxxxxxxx

So the Lakers just won the NBA Championship for the third year in a row.

You know how I know that I am 100% Los Angeles sports fan?

As soon as the game was over, I turned on the local news channel so that I can watch the victory riot.

So far, it's pretty bush league, but I'm sure they'll be flipping over cars within the hour.

UPDATE: Dang. The LAPD got in there with their rubber bullets and tear gas, and they didn't even let the fans start one fire.

Oh well. There's always the victory parade.

I think it is important that everyone reads this.

If anyone sees this in an American paper, please let me know.

Today is Ryan and Nolan's last day of school.

I can't believe that it's here. The end of elementary school for Nolan, and the end of 7th grade for Ryan.

I recall those days when time was measured in terms of school years, but when I look back at my childhood, the only times I remember with any clarity are the summer vacations.

I remember the oppressive heat and still, smoggy air in the San Fernando Valley where I grew up.

I remember the sense of accomplishment I felt when I forced myself to stay awake nearly all night the day I got out of school in 5th or 6th grade, watching VHS tapes of wrestling on the top-loading VCR, just because summer had started, and I could sleep in.

I remember the progression of water-themed toys: The hose, the thing with the clown hat that spun atop the stream of water that you jumped through, the slip-n-slide, and finally the swimming pool.

The Sunland of my elementary and early middle school days only exists in those summertime memories of ice cream trucks and afternoon naps underneath the wall-unit air conditioner.

Back when the livin' was easy.

"This assistant, who was way overqualified to be doing this, turned to me and said in his French accent, `I have scouted this alley for Luc Besson, Neil Jordan, John Frankenheimer...and you.'

Metafilter was the first to share this story from the democratic underground. It seems that Bush was speaking at Ohio State University's graduation. The students were told that they were expected to provide a "thunderous" ovation and if they disrupted the ceremonies in any way, they'd be arrested.

That's right. At a public college, the students would be arrested and expelled if they expressed their unhappiness with George W. Bush.

One student, who exercised his constitutionally-protected 1st amendment right of free speech, and turned his back on Bush tells his story here.

Let's get something straight, because I'm really tired of being told to "move to Afghanistan" because I'm "anti-American": If we allow the Bush Administration to goose-step all over our civil rights, and we sit back quietly while Ashcroft dances all over the constitution, we no longer have a country worth fighting for.

Things like this transcend political ideology, IMHO. It doesn't matter if it's the Democrats or the Republicans who are currently in charge.

The thing that is so amazing about the USA is that I can (as of June 15, 2002) stand here, and loudly proclaim, "I DO NOT SUPPORT GEORGE W. BUSH, OR HIS POLICIES!!," without fear of reprisal. When graduating students are subject to ARREST for an action like turning their backs on a person who they don't respect, we have a very serious problem.

I hope that everyone can take off their various political mantles for a moment, and see this for what it is: the unconstitutional silencing of dissidents.

McCarthy would be so proud.

Yesterday morning, I had to run some errands. I had to go to the bank, put some bills in the mail, and stuff.

Ryan was working in the Snack Shack at the little league field, so I asked Nolan if he wanted to come with me.

Nolan never wants to come with me, because he's the kind of kid who'd rather hang at home and watch TV or play PS2, or do just about anything except ride in the car.

But I ask him each time, because I really do enjoy his company, and there's always a chance he could say yes.

Yesterday, he said yes. I think it had something to do with the fact that I have a new car (turned in my Passat for a Golf since my lease was up) and I suggested that I may be stopping at 7-11 for a slurpee on the way home.

Hey, a little bribe never hurt anyone.

Well, that's not even remotely true, but the point is, he agreed. :)

I was surprised, but happy, and we headed out to do our errands.

We had a great time, listening to Cake and Save Ferris, Nolan asking me all the technical specs of the new car, recalling drives we had in the old car, and talking about the coming summer vacation.

The bank I go to has this new security thingy, where they make you walk through this chamber where both doors must close before you can get in or out.
Nolan wants to go through by himself, but I told him that I wanted to go through together to save time. He agreed too quickly, and I could tell that he was scheming.

So we conduct our business in the bank, and as we're getting ready to leave, Nolan races ahed of me, and into the exit chamber. He lets the door close in my face, and crosses to the outer door, which he opens, and then holds open, pointing and giggling at me, because now I can't get out.

I laughed with him, and told him to close the door, so he lets it go, but catches it with his foot, so it's held open about 3 inches. He continues to giggle and point, and finally lets the door close.

We hit the post office, got our slurpees, and headed home. I went to an ACME workshop while he stayed with Anne and Ryan and played in the pool next door.

When I got home, we barbecued turkey burgers and went for a walk all around our neighborhood, the 4 of us laughing about all sorts of things, chasing each other, and enjoying the beginning of summer. When we got home, Anne took out the hose to water the lawn, and we stayed out front with her, watching Ferris jump through the water and tear around the yard.

When Anne was nearly done, the kids decided to limbo under the stream of water, which of course led to the 4 of us having a massive water fight at 9PM last night.

I can't remember the last time we had a day in this family where we just played, and enjoyed each other, and felt free of the burdens that have hung over us for nearly 3 years. Let me tell you, we needed it. Things have been extremely tough for Nolan and Ryan, Nolan especially, with their father the last couple of months. He often puts his interests ahead of theirs, with really upsetting results for the boys. It's been killing me to see these two little people, who I love so dearly, be constantly hurt by someone who they love. Not being able to really do anything about it sucks, too. They've both been really unhappy, Nolan especially, and seeing them both giggle and play and laugh and just relax for a whole day was really wonderful.

We ended the night eating ice cream and sitting on the living room floor listening to the radio.

When I put the kids into bed, I said to Nolan, "I really had fun with you today. I really enjoyed your company."

He lifted his head off his pillow and replied, "Me too, Wil. I want to spend LOTS of time together this summer."

I hope they're all days like yesterday.

I've been staying up well past midnight the last couple of weeks, to watch the World Cup.

I'm one of those rare people in the US who actually LOVES international soccer. I'm not a huge fan of MLS, because the level of play just isn't very good, but I watch English Premiere League all the time, and I never miss a USA Cup qualifier if I can help it.

So I get pretty damn excited every 4 years, even though I have absolutely nobody in my circle of friends with whom I can discuss the matches.

Last night, I watched Team USA (who is actually pretty good for the first time in my lifetime) take on Team Mexico (who has been a VERY good team since about 1997, I guess). You can read more if you'd like to hear my ramblings on the match. If you're planning on watching the delayed match, don't click it. :)

--

MEX 0:2 USA

I can't believe that Team USA beat Mexico, and beat them by shut-out!

Not only is it the first time Team USA has survived an elimination round, it's the first time they've won by shut-out since 1950. Not too surprising that they get their shut out this time, though, because Brad Friedel is a freaking WALL.

People who know always say that goaltending wins tournaments, and they were proven right last night.

The only blemish on the Team USA victory, if you ask me, was the non-call against O'Brien for a CLEAR handball in the penalty area, when the score was still 1-0 USA. On all the replays it was obvious that he punched out a cross, but they said that the ref missed it...not quite mano del dios, but still...there was some chippy play, especially in the second half, and the head-butt on Cobi Jones was Bush League, but expected.

The rivalry developing between these two teams is awesome, especially here in Los Angeles! When I go the the Rose Bowl to watch Team USA play Mexico, and I'm one of 25 USA supporters. :(

I am so excited to watch USA play Germany on Friday, I may do something I've NEVER done in my life: go pick up a Team USA shirt, so people can ask me if it's for the Olympics.

Best moment last night for me was when USA scored in the 8th minute, and I jumped up, held my arms above my head, and ran circles around my living room, silently screaming "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL!!!!"

If you don't like reading the political stuff, you may rather read a cool story about Pac Man today. :-)

I was talking with some friends about some recent entries, and the "Why don't you leave the country if you don't like it here" emails I've gotten. I was pretty upset, because I do like--no, I love--my country, precisely because we have a vested interest in keeping an eye on our leaders, and making sure that our checks and balances stay checked and balanced.

I'm upset lately, because I see the current administration trying desperately to unravel those checks and balances, and most people seem to be just fine with that.
So I have been trying to articulate why I think it's important to keep an eye on government, and why it bothers me so much that there are now people who vehemently hate me because I'm exercising my responsibility as an American citizen and doing just that.

Well, each time I would try and compose my thoughts, I'd become paralyzed with frustration, because I just couldn't find the words.

Fortunately, someone else has put them together, and she says exactly what I have been trying to say.

This comes from a friend of mine, who is a disabled veteran, and very smart person:

"It is our duty as responsible citizens to keep an eye on the government and to question them when we feel they are leading us astray. "We the people" have an investment in our country, and we must continually perform our due diligence to make sure our investment is not squandered or stolen. We've invested our lives, our freedom, the safety of our families in this country, and it would be foolhardy to let that go by unwatched. The founding fathers knew that governments could evolve into dictatorships, so they built safeguards against that into the Constitution. When those safeguards get whittled away, everyone should consider whether or not this is defeating the concept of a free nation that our forefathers envisioned. Everyone should consider how rights were slowly taken away in Communist Russia and Nazi Germany, until bit by bit, the nations became oppressive regimes. Everyone should consider how easy it is to justify temporary restriction of basic rights for the common good, and how this has often led to ruin in the past. I reiterate: it is not only our right under the First Amendment to question the government, but it is our solemn duty as responsible citizens of a free country to do so."

If you liked the make yourself as a South Park Character thingy, you're going to LOVE this! Or, if you'd prefer something more educational, you should read this.

In October, Anne and I are participating in the AVON Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk from Santa Barbara to Malibu.

It's a 3 day, 60 mile walkathon. All the money raised goes to Breast Cancer Research, and to support women and their families who are affected by the disease.

We are walking for a friend of ours who is a survivor. Even though she survived, her bills and lost income are still affecting her and her family.

I've set my goal at 5,000 dollars. I think we can easily do that. Please take a look at my walk homepage, and give whatever you can, no matter how small, and sleep well tonight, knowing that you've made a difference.

Thank you :-)
Thought for today:

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"

Wow.

I slept on the couch last night, and set my alarm to 415 am so I could watch the game without waking up my wife.

Nolan slept on the floor in front of me, and ordered me to wake him when the game started.

When the alarm went off, we both sat up, and watched USA take on Germany...

As a former goalkeeper myself, I can say with some authority that when you have two great teams, the difference comes down to goalkeeping, and Kahn is simply phenomenal. The US tested him more fiercely than he's been tested this entire tournament, and with greater pressure than Germany's seen.

I'm proud of USA, the same way I'm proud of Senegal. Nobody thought either of these teams would make it past the first round, much less into the quarterfinals.

My only real quarrel with the game was on the foul which resulted in the indirect kick which resulted in the goal. It really looked like a dive to me, but I'm watching through USA eyes, in the middle of the night

I don't think there was a hand-ball in the 2nd half. The ball clearly played the German defender, as I saw it, and heartbreaking as it was, that was the only time USA was going to beat Kahn.

Funny thing about Kahn...every time he'd make a huge save, we'd look at each other and in our best Captain Kirk, say:Kaaaaaaaahhhhnnnnn!!!

I thought it was a great match, and it was nice to see Germany have to play really hard against a team who wasn't expected to make it past the round of 16.

Anne and I are getting ready to leave. Our plane to Vancouver departs in just a few hours, and we're finishing up the last-minute packing, and cleaning up our house, because it's so nice to come home from a vacation to a house that's not a mess.

Our house is usually a mess. I say it's the hallmark of a family who works a lot...Anne says it's because I'm lazy...I think the truth is somewhere in the middle.

So the last 2 weeks have been crazy, as we get ready for CruiseTrek. I've been working on 2 shows for G4, finishing all my sketch comedy writing class assignments( we have a show the day after I get back from Alaska), and re-writing my sketches for the ACME show. I also enlisted the help of my friend Sean to help me design some cool T-shirts for our sketch comedy group, which we are calling Earnest Borg 9.

Get it? Who's with me?! Yeah!!

So the point of all this is, I've been really busy, just getting ready to go, and I sat down here about 10 minutes ago, just to check the weather in Alaska, and take a quick look at the website, and I thought to myself, "Hey, I think I'll check out my walk-a-thon sponsorships, and see how I'm doing."

Holy.

Moses.

You people RULE!! It's been less than a week, and already we're at $1,875.00!!

I am so ecstatic, and so proud. I don't think I'm going to have a problem reaching my goal of $5,000. As a matter of fact, if I hit that goal by the end of July, I'm going to reset my goal and aim even higher.

Thank you, most sincerely, to everyone who has donated to sponsor me.

I will attempt to update from Alaska, so keep watching this space.

Have you checked out my Message Board yet? It's a fun place to hang out while Uncle Willie's out of town.

Thought for Today:

"Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt."

-William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure