WIL WHEATON dot NET: Where is my mind?

Over the last two days, I've started to feel a little bit better. My spleen is still so enlarged I risk bursting it at just about every turn (boy, that's a lot of fun) but the various medicines my doctor prescribed have taken care of the secondary infections in my sinuses and throat, so while I'm super exhausted, at least I'm not in any pain.

You know what sucks? I haven't been able to do much more than passively watch DVDs, because even trying to focus long enough to read is exhausting. I can't even think about trying to write anything, either, so I feel like I'm just wasting time and losing days . . . and even though I know it's what I have to do, it's still annoying.

Because I can't do much of anything, Anne has become responsible for everything we normally share, like getting the kids to and from school, preparing meals, feeding the dogs, keeping the house clean and all that stuff.

When I told Anne that I just hate it that I can't help her, especially since I keep asking her to do stuff for me, she said, "It's okay. This is the 'sickness' part of 'sickness and health.'"

My wife is the most awesome person in the universe. She's made this experience much less miserable for me, with her compassion, patience and understanding. Hopefully, it will only be another week or so before I have the strength to pick up at least a little bit of the slack around here.

Posted by Wil at 01:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (104) | TrackBacks (0)

I can only sit up for about ten minutes at a time before I get dizzy, so I'm going to make this brief:

It has come to my attention that many people are upset with me, and some of them are even angry at me that I can't make it out to New Orleans for Red Hat on June 1.

Anyone who knows me will not be surprised to hear that I'm not happy about missing the conference, and I'm pissed that I can't finish the ACME show I've worked on for six months, but but there is just nothing I can do to make my body heal itself faster. Quite honestly, I'm a more than a little offended that anyone would expect me to perform under these circumstances, then have the nerve to get angry with me when I can't . . . but I won't go into a medication-fuled rant about that.

However, I really do feel terrible that I can't make this conference. I feel like I'm letting a lot of people down, and I just want to take a moment and make a very public apology to the Red Hat summit organizers, Jon and Shari at igrep, and especially everyone who was looking forward to hearing me speak. I wish things were different, and I wish I could take two magic pills and make a full recovery in two days instead of two months . . . but it's entirely out of my hands.

Posted by Wil at 10:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (153) | TrackBacks (0)

On Saturday night, I started to get the aches that usually signal the begining of the flu: my neck, lower back, upper arms and backs of my hands. By Sunday morning, I could hardly get out of bed, which was sort of a problem, because I was supposed to be in a wedding.

So I took it easy all morning, took a mega-dose of cold medicine right before the ceremony started, and did a nice job in an incredibly beautiful ceremony.

I spent most of the reception in a chair, which meant I was a pretty lousy date for my stunningly beautiful wife, but as usual she never wanted for a dance partner.

Sunday night, I woke up nearly suffocating on the phlegmy shit in my throat, in so much pain I couldn't swallow. I think I slept for about 52 minutes and when I woke up I couldn't even talk. Good times, lots of really good times. Monday morning I started running a fever, averaging about 101.5. So I gave in, admitted I was sick, and saw my doctor this morning. Holy mother of shit. I hit the trifecta:

1. A severe sinus infection
2. excra-something tonsillitis
3. and the mother of them all: Mono.

So that sort of explains why I have felt so tired for the last two weeks, and why nothing I do seems to make this infection get any better.

My doctor has ordered me to stay in bed for at least the next week, and he said that it will take anywhere from ten days to two months to completely get over the infections, so I'm probably not going to be able to finish the ACME run, and since I can't fly, I don't get to go speak at the Red Hat conference on June 1.

Because this is all viral, all I can do is take stuff to help me feel not quite so bad, and because it's mono, I have to rest for about three hours to get fifteen good minutes of anything done.

I probably won't be updating my blog very much for the next seven or ten days. If you're waiting for your Just A Geek from the fundraiser, I'm about half-way through. I'm doing my very best to get them all signed and shipped, but I hope everyone understands that I'm at about 30% right now. Okay, time to go sleep again.

Posted by Wil at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (147) | TrackBacks (0)

Boy, this has been a prolific morning for me, hasn't it? Before I walk away from the computer for the rest of the weekend (yeah, right!) . . . I forgot to mention that I will not be in ACME: A Day in the Life tomorrow, because I'm in my friend's wedding. (Hooray! Congratulations Stephanie and Patrick!)

A brilliant actor is covering all of my roles, and the show will still be fantastic, and worth seeing, but if you were planning to see my particular version of teh funnay, you'll have to wait until next week.

Okay, I'm totally walking away now.

Seriously! I am.

Shut up!

Oh, crap! I forgot: the story I did with Xeni for Day to Day will hit the Internets around 3PM EDT today.

Okay, now I'm walking away.

Have a great weekend, everyone.

Posted by Wil at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (25) | TrackBacks (0)

I like to think that I'm a pretty competent parent. I don't try to be my stepkids' buddy. I have raised them to be kind, compassionate, and honest, and I've impressed upon them the importance of living an honorable life. I've tried my very best to help them understand that education = opportunity, and always encouraged them to be the very best Ryan and Nolan they can be. For ten years, Anne and I have raised the kids with natural and logical consequences (good and bad) for their choices, and I've always loved them unconditionally. Along the way, it's been incredibly fun, the hardest thing I've ever done, a completely frustrating and thankless task, and the most wonderful and rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. I have a fantastic relationship with both of the boys, and when I occasionally catch little flashes of my influence in their behavior, it's all worth it.

But I still screw up from time to time, and last night I pulled a parental Bill Buckner.

I sat on the couch with Ryan and Nolan, and watched the two-hour finale of CSI. It was an intense and creepy episode, and by the last ten minutes of the second episode, we were all on the edge of our seats.

After a particularly tense and disgusting moment featuring fire ants, Nolan said, "Why don't we have CSI on DVD?"

"Because it's on TV fifteen times a day!" I said.

We went back to watching the show. After a minute or so, my parental sixth sense told me that Nolan had a dark little cloud over his head.

I replayed the last few moments, and immediately knew that it was my fault.

When Nolan said, "Why don't we have CSI on DVD?" what he meant was, "Man! This is so cool! I love this show, and I love that we sit down and watch it together every week!"

And when I said, "Because it's on TV fifteen times a day!" what he heard was, "I don't care."

I felt really bad, and after the show was over, I called him into the kitchen and told him how sorry I was.

"I wasn't trying to put you down, or make you feel bad," I said, "I just think it's funny that CSI is on TV so much, is all."

"Wil, it's only on twice a day," he said.

"Really? I thought it was on more."

"Nope, just twice a day on Spike."

"Oh. Well, that's not the point, really. I feel like I hurt your feelings, and I wanted to apologize."

"Okay." He said.

He hugged me, I hugged him back, and he walked out into the dining room.

I stood alone in the kitchen and wondered if I'd made it better or worse. I couldn't tell, which is pretty common with two teenagers. A few seconds passed, and Nolan poked his head into the doorway.

"Wil?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, Nolan."

Well, I guess I did okay this time.

As a post-script, if I may be so bold as to offer unsolicited advice to all you parents out there: I have found that it's important to respect and be aware of your children's feelings, and never minimize or invalidate them. I have also found that it's even more important to be aware of how your actions impact your children, and when you screw up, it's best to take responsibility and apologize. Your child will see that you're not perfect, that you're not afraid to admit that you're not perfect, and will learn firsthand the importance of respecting other people's feelings.

Posted by Wil at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (60) | TrackBacks (0)

Stephen Lynch, who wrote the article in the NY Post I linked yesterday, sent me a link to his personal website, where he has the full text of his original draft:

Geekdom is a clique like any other, and there were those who felt things have gotten out of hand lately. Like a cult rock band that scored a top 40 hit, geek entertainment got too big, ruining the fun.

Only the truly dedicated will stick with it, Wheaton enthuses.

"There are so many geek poseurs. Putting on Weezer glasses does not make you a geek," he says. "Until you have tasted the sting of a dodgeball on your face, you are not really a geek."

Mikki Halpin, author of The Geek Handbook: User Guide and Documentation for the Geek in Your Life, believes "there will still be comic book conventions and sci-fi movies, but the line won’t be as long."

Which isn’t to say there won’t be a period of geek mourning. Halpin advises charity — nerd style.

"If you have a geek in your life, give them a project – they love projects," she says.

To which I say: Anyone need their hard drive formatted?

Posted by Wil at 09:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

While looking at Sean Bonner's Flickr photos from E3 yesterday, I discovered that my name is a Flickr Tag. That's . . . a little weird. It sure makes it easy to send pictures to my mom, though.

And my friend Andrew told me that I am mentioned in a story at MSNBC about season five of CSI:

Best guest star: Pruitt Taylor Vince, as Marty Gleason in "Swap Meet." It was a small part, but this character actor made the most of it. He played a crime-scene cleanup man, who broke into a Southern accent when talking to the victim’s family, because, "The bereaved often find a southern accent very comforting." What does it take to be part of the "blood bucket brigade"? Marty said it best: "All you really need is a strong stomach, a thorough knowledge of solvents, a little sensitivity, a little tact." Runners-ups include Melissa Leo (also known as Kay from "Homicide: Life on the Street") for her heart-wrenching turn as the mother who uses her daughter to keep her son alive in "Harvest." And, of course, Will Wheaton, making a small-screen comeback as Walter the homeless man in "Compulsion."

Posted by Wil at 08:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (19) | TrackBacks (0)

I saw Phil Hellmuth at E3 today, in what I think was the Yahoo! Games booth (I'm not entirely sure, you know, with the cold medicine and everything.) He was taking questions from a huge crowd about poker, and doing what Phil does best: talking about how great he is, and how he only loses when some jerk puts a bad beat on him.

Phil is truly one of the greatest players to ever sit at a table, and he can absolutely beat anyone in the world, but his Shatnerian ego makes it very hard to enjoy watching him play.

However, ginormous ego or not, I just read that Phil did a really cool thing: he was all set to host the Phil Hellmuth Poker Challenge this weekend in Houston, Texas. Somewhere between 600 and 1000 players would pay $500 to attend a seminar taught by Phil, and then they'd play in a tournament that would send the winner to the Main Event in the World Series of Poker next month in Las Vegas. Best of all, the event would raise an estimated $250,000 for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

That is, until some anti-gambling busybodies in Colorado caused the charity event, which would raise money to help people who are stricken with breast cancer, to be shut down.

The whole story is at Pokernews.com:

"It looks like we have been shut down," said Chuck Frierson who, along with Dale Hunsucker, were the local organizers for the event. "Players who have pre-registered will be receiving a full refund."

"It started to unravel last week," Frierson told me. "It seems a person from an anti-gambling organization in Colorado heard about this event and contacted the Harris County Sheriffs Department regarding its legality. We were looking to hold the event at Reliant Park, which is part of the Reliant Stadium grounds that are overseen by the county. Reliant Park gave us a great area to present the tournament and the expected crowd that would be there for the festivities."

"It's very sad, because we have run these type of events in the past without an issue. Recently, we raised $105,000 for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. The $105,000 was after any expenses we had. It was a great tournament for a great cause and we thought this one was going to be bigger."

"We were expecting about 600 people," lamented Frierson. "With that number, it was conceivable that we could have raised around $250,000 for breast cancer research. If we had 1000," Frierson paused, "it could have been $350, maybe $400,000...The charity is the one who is hurt the most, with the players who wanted to participate being hurt as well."

Posted by Wil at 07:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (44) | TrackBacks (0)

A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from Stephen Lynch, who is a writer for the New York Post. He wrote:

I'm doing an article, the working theme of which is "the end of the geek golden era." By the end of May, "Star Wars" will be over, "Star Trek" will probably be over. The "Lord of the Rings" movies have been wrapped up, no more "Matrix." What do we look forward to now? Will geeks still rule the world?

I admire your blog and thought you would be a great person to comment on this. Thanks for your consideration.

I have learned to be wary of the Mainstream Media, but after a quick review of his articles, Stephen seemed like a good guy and the subject he was covering is something that I'm pretty passionate about.

I wrote back:

I actually think it's the beginning of a new golden era for geeks: technology is putting massive computing power in our hands, we're never more and a few hundred feet from the internets, we've got our own network (sci-fi channel) and the big summer blockbusters are all inspired by comic book movies. HHG comes out this year, it looks like Peter Jackson is going to do The Hobbit, there's talk about a movie based on The Watchmen in 2006, and there's a Firefly movie due out as well. Don't overlook Sin City, or Hellboy, and don't forget the new Battlestar Galactica! (Ron Moore is even connecting with geeks using the unprecedented medium of podcasting commentaries *for free* on all the new episodes, as well as communicating directly with the show's fans via his blog.)

I think the end of Star Wars is long overdue. The new movies are an absolute abomination. It's hard to figure out which sequel to The Matrix was worse, and Star Trek Enterprise had little in common with Star Trek beyond the name. There was an explosion of geeky goodness in the last few years, and now it's time to step back, and . . . well, thin the herd, I guess. We're at the dawn of a new geek era. The sun is only setting on the prologue.

This is just off the top of my head. If you'd like to talk with me, let me know and I'll give you a call today. If you'd like to use any of this material, let me know and I'll rework it just a little bit so it sounds less like e-mail.

So Stephen and I played phone and e-mail tag for a few days, but we finally connected and had a great conversation about geeky movies, where I tried to make it clear that, though I really hated Episode I, and nearly walked out of Matrix Reloaded, I am very optimistic that we are at the dawn of a new era of geeky goodness. I expanded my thoughts about thinning the heard, by pointing out that there is so much great fantasy, sci-fi, and comic book stuff out there now, the audience is less willing to accept any pile of crap that happens to have a laser gun or a dragon in it. Studios have realized that they can make movies which appeal to geeks and mundanes, without alienating either audience. This means that we should see more Spiderman, and less Catwoman.

Stephen's article We Fans Bear Up for a Long Geek-end (har) ran in today's Post. It's absolutely hilarious:

May 19, 2005 -- If you feel a sharp pain today — as if millions of voices cried out and were suddenly silenced — look no further than the guy at the next desk. The one with the Captain Kirk coffee mug and the light-saber pen.

Last Friday, "Star Trek: Enterprise" was shown the airlock. For the first time in 18 years, no "Star Trek" series will take its place next fall. And today, the final episode of the "Star Wars" series, "Revenge of the Sith," opens in theaters.

This is the end of the Golden Era of Geek. No more "Star Trek." No more "Star Wars." No more "Lord of the Rings." No more "Matrix."

My God. I'm going to have to start dating.

Unless you're still standing in line at Grauman's in protest, I think you'll have a great laugh. The whole article is really funny, and self-aware geeks will howl when they read it because it's so true but an important bit is left out when I am quoted:

It seems the geek age will end not with a bang but a Binks.

Yet that's exactly why some of the faithful welcome the implosion. Wil Wheaton, who starred as Ensign Wesley Crusher on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and wrote a memoir called "Just a Geek," says we're being put out of our collective misery.

"The end of 'Star Wars' is long overdue — the new movies are an absolute abomination," Wheaton says. "It's hard to figure out which sequel to 'The Matrix' was worse, and 'Star Trek: Enterprise' had little in common with 'Star Trek' beyond the name. There was an explosion of geeky goodness in the last few years, and now it's time to step back, and . . . well, thin the herd, I guess."

Yes, it's time to thin the herd, but I just want to clarify: I believe we're at the dawn of a new geek era. The sun is only setting on the prologue. In other words: Yes, Virginia, geeks still rule the world.

Of course, I reserve the right to take back all of these comments after I see Revenge of the Sith.

Nyahh.

Updated: Stephen — who you will remember I pegged as a good guy — sent me the following note, which I just uncovered:

Wil,

Well, the essay finally appeared today, on page 5 of the New York Post.

Of course, this being a dead-tree product, it had to run at about 16 inches, meaning a lot of our conversation was excised. If you want to post a link to it, which I would appreciate, you can add that I wished I could have included more of your comments about how there's still geek goodness out there (like "Battlestar Galatica") and that fans will take ownership of the franchises themselves. The toughest quote to cut out, though, was "if you've never tasted the sting of a dodgeball on your face, you're not a geek." Too true.

Thanks for all your help; it was lots of fun,
Steve

Finally, (and I don't do this very often [or ever, actually]) but for your RSS readers: in the comments, WWdN reader Kurt said:

It's not even so much that, with "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" gone, there can still be new material. It's that the presence of behemoths like "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" have, I think, long prevented the development of new material. We can finally get some fresh ideas!

Posted by Wil at 04:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (43) | TrackBacks (0)

That sinus thing I had last week is trying very hard to move into my chest. Im exhausted after being awake for three hours, and my cough gotten . . . well, I'll spare you the details. Guess I have to go see the doctor, after all. Dammit.

I spent the entire day down at E3 with Xeni and a kick ass posse or ultranerds, doing a story for NPR's Day to Day on the intersection of Hollywood and the video game industry. It should run tomorrow, and I can't wait to hear it — we got so much great material, it's a shame we'll have to cut so much of it out. It's a good argument for podcasting: since a podcast is always going to be timeshifted, it can be as long or as short as you want it to be. (Speaking of podcasting, I listened to Card Club on Lord Admiral Radio on the way down and back. It's the first poker podcast I've heard, and I really liked it.)

As usual, E3 was so crowded and loud, I had a very hard time separating the substance from the style. It's sort of like being in a giant venn diagram of sound effects, game monitors, music, lights, props, 50,000 decibel game demos, people talking, and the occasional booth babe. The problem is, everyone is trying to be louder than everyone else, so after about 20 minutes in the South hall (which is more crowded and therefore louder than the West hall) all I wanted to do was leave, or at least put on some noise cancelling headphones.

I know I saw some cool stuff, because I said something like, "Hey, that's cool!" But the cold medicine and that really neat exhaustion I feel made it very hard for me to actually absorb it.

The best part of the day was how I got there and home: on the Metro Line. It's rare that the MTA can conveniently (read: without riding a bunch of different busses and taking three times as long as it does to drive) get me where I need to go, but the convention center is one of those places. I really enjoy taking Metro, and I hope that Los Angeles will leap into the 20th century and continue to expand light rail and subway service.

I have to go lie down for about 65 hours now, or until my ears stop ringing, whichever takes longer.

Posted by Wil at 03:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBacks (0)

I hate unsolicited e-mail, of any kind. Period. I don't care about whatever alleged virus warning you heard about from your aunt's neighbor's secretary, or the kid who just wants to get ten thousand e-mails before he dies from cancer. And I've already collected my $5000 from Walt Disney, Jr. and Bill Gates, thank you.

I'm also not very impressed with the Mainstream Corporate Media, who are thoroughly obsessed with that fucking Runaway Bride, or the incredibly stupid Michael Jackson trial, but can't seem to find space or time to cover the Downing Street Memo and ignore the whole Jeff Gannon / James Guckert story. Why do you think so many Americans are turning to the BBC or Guardian UK for news about our country? It's not because we hope to catch the latest cricket scores between stories; it's because the Mainstream Corporate Media in America is a miserable failure.

Sorry you had to endure that rant. It's important for context, because these two things that I can't stand intersected tonight, when I got spammed by the Wall Street Journal with a "Dear Blogger:" letter.

Dear Blogger:

Check out today's free features from The Wall Street Journal:

A buyer's guide to the next-generation of videogame consoles.
[link removed - no google ranking for you!]
More companies are monitoring their workers' online activities. But not very many monitor the boss's.
[link removed - no google ranking for you!]

Plus, WSJ.com now offers an RSS feed of our free content with a 30-day archive:
http://online.wsj.com/xml/rss/0,,3_7077,00.xml

[Okay, this is actually good. On the same day the NYT decided to move even more content behind the stupid wall of subscription, it's nice to see that at least one member of the Mainstream Corporate Media understands that RSS is cool, and a 30 day archive isn't the best thing, but it's a step in the right direction.]

All of WSJ.com's free content can be found at [link removed - no google ranking for you!]
And please feel free to email me if you'd rather not receive these emails; if you'd prefer to receive them at a different email address; if this particular email is off-topic; or if you have any comments or requests about WSJ.com's free content.

Oh? Can I please? Okay. Let's try this:

Dear Corporate Media Spammer:

Checkout how lame it is to send form letters to spam bloggers with your crap!

Checkout all the free content that's already on the Internet — and let me clue you in on a big secret: if it's newsworthy, we'll find it. Spamming us with "Dear Blogger:" e-mails is not the best way to spread the word about your fabulous free content.

Did you know that there are already sources of tech news that respect our intelligence? Take a look at Wired Technology News or Arstechnica.com. They get read and linked because they don't spam us.

Did you know there are news sources who actually report the news, rather than repeat whatever the popular media narrative or White House Talking Point is? Check out Knight Ridder or Consortium News!

And as long as I have your attention, (especially you talking heads on cable news) please realize that you're not part of the problem, you are the problem. If you think I'm wrong, I have two words for you: Terri. Schiavo.

And please feel free to email me if you ever decide to get some spine when you report on Dear Leader; if you'd prefer to cover stories that actually make a difference in the world, like sending over 1500 Americans to die for a lie, instead of still more in-depth coverage of the aftermath of the Scott Peterson trial; if you care to explain why you think spamming bloggers is a really smart thing to do; or if you have any comments or requests about why we should pay attention to you at all.

See, if the Mainstream Corporate Media ever mentions blogs or bloggers, it's to either 1) suck up to the douchebags idiots liars at Powerline, or 2) pointedly declare that blogs and bloggers are so irrelevant. So why does The Wall Street Journal think it's a great idea to spam us?

This is an incredibly stupid move. I don't know anyone, blogger or otherwise, who enjoys spam. I can't think of a single person who is going to respond favorably to this ill-advised tactic.

I received two different e-mails like this from the Wall Street Journal, seconds apart. I immediately replied, and asked to be removed from the list. To their credit, while I was composing this entry, I was informed that I was removed, with brief apology.

So after they did the stupid thing, they did the right thing. Personally, I think the best thing to do would have been to not spam us at all. The smarter thing (that would have at least shown a little understanding of the medium they're hoping to infiltrate) may have been to send an e-mail that said something like,

We'd like to reach out to bloggers, and make weblog readers aware of our free content. If you'd like to help us, reply to this e-mail, and we'll tell you how to get set up. If you're not interested, please accept our apologies. This will be the only e-mail you ever get from us.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who got a "Dear Blogger:" e-mail from the WSJ, and I'm interested to see how other bloggers react.

Posted by Wil at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (70) | TrackBacks (0)

My friend and BBC Producer, Chris Vallance, has been in Los Angeles for a few months, working full-time on a podcast called Pocket Planet Radio. I did an interview with him when I was in Las Vegas for the WPT. (I just listened to my segment, and noticed the strangest thing . . . I sound exactly like my younger brother. That's weird.)

Chris is a talented producer, and his wonderfully dry British humo(u)r comes through in everything he does. His podcast will always be entertaining, so check it out.

Posted by Wil at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBacks (0)

It seems like the majority of bloggers are divided into two camps on The Huffington Post:

1. Some have decided to dismiss it out of hand, and criticize the shit out of it. Though they won't admit it, I think it comes down to petty, childish jealousy.
2. Others just don't care one way or another, and it's not even on their radar.

The two walk into my bedroom. Me? My feet still in cement…eyes still glued to the Vision; Suicidally thinking, Could this be the 7th Mrs. Evans?

He doesn’t even introduce us, but with great aplomb, turns to the Vision, “Get Undressed.”

Undressed!?

In less than a minute my future wife was shoeless, meshless, and boaless…

Blake tells the Vision to lie on my bed, and spread her legs. That did it!!! Hallucinating graduated to hyperventilating!

I rushed out of the room to look for something to put over my head. This cocksucker’s got me on the run before I ask my first question! I grabbed for a shopping bag, lifted it over my head for close to a minute. Quickly lifting it high, I spouted, "Be with you in 10 minutes, Blake, I’m on the phone with the chairman of the company!" Back went the bag went over my head…. Five minutes of inhaling gave me back my equilibrium. I ain’t braggin'…but if this happened to a non-pro, he’d be flat on his ass in a cold sweat, mumbling to himself, which is what I’m sure Blake had planned for me.

Poor Blake, he picked the wrong guy to headfuck.

Robert Evans, like William Burroughs, truly writes in his voice. I'm not sure if that makes sense, so let me try to explain: If you've ever heard Burroughs read from Interzone, for example, I think you'll agree that the difference between reading the words and hearing the words from WSB is the difference between looking at a picture of the moon, and riding the damn rocket there yourself. It's the same way with Evans. If you like any of the things I like, I am almost certain that you'll like The Kid Stays In The Picture.

Posted by Wil at 09:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (22) | TrackBacks (0)

When I was in Vegas for the WPT Championship, my iBook completely crashed, and made me very unhappy. If you'd like, you can refer to the Audioblog or moblog entries, and relive all the excitement for yourself.

When I got back from Vegas, I had a few e-mails from people who worked in various capacities at Apple. They all suggested I talk to different people in Customer care, and they were all optimistic that my problems with my iBook would be resolved. I was still pretty pissed about losing my laptop when I needed it most, so I was less inclined to expect the best, but I figured it would at least be worth a call to see if they'd be interested in helping me get the damn thing fixed.

So here's the deal with Apple Customer Care: before I could even call one of the numerous people I'd been referred to, one of them called me!

He never told me how he knew, and I didn't think to ask, but he said that he understood that I was having problems with my iBook. He listened patiently as I recounted my woeful tale, and he apologized that I'd had such rotten luck with my two iBooks. We talked for a few minutes, and though I'm legally bound to keep the details of our conversation confidential, I don't think Apple will mind if I reveal that the Apple rep who helped me was patient, understanding, and completely helpful.

And late last week, my faulty iBook was replaced with a shiny new Powerbook. And I mean shiny. It's all silver and tough.

So looking at the scouting report:

iBook: 0 for 2.
Powerbook: 0 for 0, but it looked great in Spring Training.
Apple Customer Care: 3 for 3.

Put another way . . . Will definitely do business with again!!!11 TOP RATING!!! A+++++++++!!!!!!!

Har. Har. Har. Gods, I slay me with my funny.

If you've ever had a problem with a huge company, you'd probably agree that (in most cases) customer service has all but ceased to exist. I can't speak for all their customers, but it's supermegaawesome that Apple cares about this particular customer.

. . . afterthought: In comments, Starkman says:". . . you cannot even talk about the experience because you received free stuff in return." I want to be clear: I can't talk about the details because I signed the same NDA everyone who replaces a product signs, and I didn't get anything for free. I don't expect, nor would I ever accept, something for nothing.

Apple is a HUGE corporation, and I'm sure the problems of one user aren't going to make a dent in their Big Picture, but they've always made me feel like they care about me as a customer. I appreciate that, and I wanted to share that appreciation in a public forum.

. . . one more thought: If you're so invested in cynically believing that this wasn't just good customer service, nothing I can say will change your mind, so don't waste our time reading the rest of this.

Quite a few people think that I got some sort of special treatment because, they say, I'm some sort of big celebrity or something. Newsflash: I'm not.

I'm sure experiences at the genius bar vary from store to store (I've always had a fantastic experience in Pasadena), but my experience, at the corporate level, is the same as I've heard from countless other Apple owners: if a problem can't be solved at the store-level, and it's properly escalated, Apple takes care of it. That's awesome customer service. I got called because I was already in the system from my previous problem, and that's just Apple CS protocol.

So why did I write about this? I didn't have to say anything, but I wrote about it when things went wrong, so I thought it was only right to write about it when things got fixed.

Posted by Wil at 07:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (59) | TrackBacks (0)

Even though I felt like total crap (that's better than a pile of ass but not as bad as complete and utter crap), the Midi-clorians that make me an actor took over just before showtime, and I had a great show last night. I had as much fun and felt as relaxed during and after the show as I did last week, which means that the performance last week wasn't a fluke — this show really is as good as I think it is.

In fact, that's the whole point of this entry: I want to make sure that everyone who reads my blog knows how honored and proud I am to work with the amazing actors and writers who are in ACME: A Day In The Life. I didn't think there would ever be a show as much fun as Love Machine, but it turns out I was wrong.

I wish we could extend for another ten performances, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen; with ten actors, many of whom have families, it's just too hard to commit to that long of a run, especially through summer.

The run ends on June 18th. Please, please please come out and see ACME: A Day In The Life before it's just another poster on the wall.

Posted by Wil at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (39) | TrackBacks (0)

I think I have 81 cubic feet of solid mucous in my head. When I blow my nose, it's thick and dark yellow — that means I have an infection, right?

Note: The preceding two sentences were awfully gross, and shouldn't have been read by the squeamish.

So I never got around to watching Star Wars yesterday. Instead, I read about half of Aces and Kings and studied Harrington On Hold'Em. Aces and Kings is really fantastic, man. If you liked Big Deal, Biggest Game In Town, or Diary of a Mad Poker Player, you're going to love Aces and Kings. And Harrington on Hold'Em is officially the most useful and easy to understand poker book for advanced players I've read. If you're serious about winning tournaments, it's totally worth the investment. (Winning Low-Limit Hold'Em remains the best for beginners, if you're keeping score at home.) In fact, I like these books so much, I think I'll write reviews of them at Amazon when I reduce the mucous in my head to a more manageable 11 cubic feet.

Note: The preceding sentence was awfully gross, and shouldn't have been read by the squeamish.

When I finally did watch TV, I watched this fantastic old movie called Fail-safe, and some episodes of Futurama. Speaking of Futurama, what the hell is wrong with [adult swim]?! They took Futurama off to run American Dad?! Are they high? Worst. Cartoon. Switch. Ever.

Today I think I'm doing some more Cold War thrillers: The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, and the original Manchurian Candidate. Then I'm loading up on cold remedies and sleeping a whole bunch, so I can hurry up and get better.

I have to be well by tomorrow, because we've got a couple of reviewers coming to see ACME: A Day In The Life, and a head filled with mucous really interferes with my funny.

Posted by Wil at 08:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (77) | TrackBacks (0)

When I was a kid, and I or my brother or sister would get sick, our mom always dropped everything and took care of us. We'd usually spend a day or two on the couch, where mom would bring us all sorts of herbal teas, feed us massive amounts of vitamins, and let us watch whatever we wanted on television. Before VCRs, when I was sick, I'd watch game shows until ten, then whatever was on PBS (usually Electric Company or Zoom) until noon, then Twilight Zone until one. After that, TV pretty much sucked for the next two hours, so I'd read a book or take a nap, depending on how lousy I felt. After we got our first family VCR — a top-loading monster with digital numbers and woodgrain accents that weighed about 70 pounds — I would spend the day watching Star Wars (taped from ONTV) over and over again.

Without fail, when the illness passed, Mom would get sick the very next day. I remember thinking that it was like she'd used all her energy taking care of us, and when she realized we were fine, she didn't have anything left to take care of herself. For the next few days, Mom would take my place on the couch, but she watched soaps instead of Star Wars — I never understood that.

This is, of course, a long-winded way of saying that as Nolan got better yesterday, I noticed a scratchiness in my throat that turned into burning in my sinuses by late yesterday afternoon. I'm not coughing, yet, but boy do I feel like shit.

Looks like I'll spend today watching Star Wars on DVD.

Posted by Wil at 07:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (66) | TrackBacks (0)

Everyone who is upset about the REAL ID act I mentioned on Monday needs to immediately head over to ArsTechnica, and read this story, written by Hannibal:

The big news of the past two days is the impending passage of the Real ID act. I'm going to spare you any kind of detailed analysis of the ID and database aspects of this bill for two reasons a) they're already covered very well in sources I'll list below, and b) this bill contains a truly bizarre provision that caused a run on tinfoil hats in the blogosphere when it was first introduced, but has now dropped out of all coverage of this bill that I've read so far. (You'd think a clause that uses an obscure and never-before-invoked part of the Constitution to place the secretary of DHS above both the Supreme Court and the Constitution itself would get more coverage, but more on that in a moment.)

More on that, indeed.

Section 102 of H.R. 418 would amend the current provision to require the Secretary of Homeland Security to waive any law upon determining that a waiver is necessary for the expeditious construction of the border barriers. Additionally, it would prohibit judicial review of a waiver decision or action by the Secretary and bar judicially ordered compensation or injunction or other remedy for damages alleged to result from any such decision or action.

To understand what this business about prohibiting judicial review means, you have to know two things. First, you have to know a bit about the contested history of judicial review. Depending on who you talk to, the Federal judiciary's power to overturn a law or to put a stop to an official act of government on the grounds that the law or act is unconstitutional and/or a violation of basic rights is either a core constitutional principle that ensures the rule of law and protects the rights of minorities from the "tyranny of the masses" (e.g. from Brown v. the Board of Education to Roe v. Wade) , or it's an affront to democratic governance and the chief enabler of left-wing "judicial activism."

Okay, prohibiting judicial review of anything is absolutely insane. Without judicial review of laws, how to we have a balanced government? How do we protect our constitutional rights when unconstitutional laws are passed? How do we prevent the tyranny of the majority? Does this mean that the United States ceases to be a nation of laws, and becomes a nation of men?

Let's look back at what I wrote on Monday:

The US Congress, the lawmakers who derive their power from the consent of the governed, are about to take a huge step toward turning our country into a police state, and they're doing it without any debate at all.

It's bad enough that Congress passed legislation which fundamentally changes our right to privacy, and possibly violates the Fourth and Tenth Amendments to the Constitution, but they've also taken away our access to the courts (right now it's just in cases related to this loosely-defined "expeditious construction of the border barriers", but don't think for a second that it will stop there) and they did it without a single word of debate. That these provisions — which are overwhelmingly opposed by the a vast majority of Americans — were snuck into a must-pass bill, and passed without debate is irresponsible at best, and criminal at worst. This is not democracy. This is fascism.

You should really read the whole story, where Hannibal sums it up for us:

Congress has crafted a completely unprecedented provision that guts the principle of judicial review by granting the DHS secretary complete and total immunity from the courts when it comes to the construction of "barriers and roads" in this one specific geographical region, and they've buried this provision inside a national ID card act which is itself attached to a large military appropriations bill that no Congressperson in their right mind would vote against (money for the troops and all that).

[. . .]

As a postscript, the icing on the cake of this whole thing has to be the way that the Republican sponsors of the bill actually voted down a proposed provision in the national ID card part of the law that would prevent the government from using the Real ID database as a national database of gun owners

As I wrote on Monday, the leadership in this Congress is out of touch and out of control. If this doesn't call for a general strike, I don't know what does.

Posted by Wil at 09:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (83) | TrackBacks (0)

Nolan's sick, so I've been too busy taking care of him to do much else this week. The good side is that we've gotten to watch a lot of Word Poker Tour DVDs together, but the bad side is I've lost almost all of the creative momentum that I created last week. Since my time and creative energy have suddenly become so limited, I probably won't do much blogging this week.

If lack of content at WWdN creates some free time for you, I suggest spending that time outside. If you find yourself unable to go outside, because the Sun burns your skin and threatens to reveal to the world that you're really a flesh-eating Zombie, stay indoors and visit . . .

1. Tony Pierce. Tony's one of the few bloggers who is consistently interesting, thought-provoking, and entertaining . . . often in the same post. Recently, Tony offered his review of the latest Weezer album, Make Believe:

   other than the cheesy single beverly hills, many of the tracks in the new record sound like typical post-pinkerton weezer: rivers singing little timid love songs of longing to girls who would probably do him if he just shut his damn mouth.

   He also writes beautifully weird little stories like

   balloon boy came from another town entirely. one where fences were made of crackers, trees were made a wood, and beer came right out of sky. the nerds had invented zero gravity luncheon meats but since the town was riddled with vegans the only way to sell any was to throw in a puppy and or a child.

2. Gawker has a new site called Sploid, co-edited by Ken Layne, that's earned a spot in my news reader

   Sploid is a news site with a tabloid mentality -- top stories up top, played big, as fast as they break. If there's a political line, it's anarcho-capitalist: sniffing out hypocrisy and absurdity, whether from salon left or religious right.

3. The Moderate Voice is a fantastic political blog, that is objective and intellectually honest. Unlike some of the so-called pundits out there who carry water for Dear Leader while they pretend to be something they're not, you won't find anyone, liberal or conservative, carrying water for anyone at TMV.
4. Jessica Stover, blogging.la, and Nickerblog fill out Wil's List Of Must-Read Blogs.

Anne and I packed about 1/3 of the Geek orders over the weekend. I'm teaching myself Scribus so I can build a cool little Chapbook out of Let Go. As soon as that's done and printed, I'll begin shipping.

Posted by Wil at 08:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (16) | TrackBacks (0)

Hooray! From LA Observed, via blogging.la:

It's official — the L.A. Times' ill-conceived experiment with charging a fee to read stories about film, music art, culture, style, and books ends at 5 a.m. Tuesday. No word on how much readership and good will it cost the paper, or on how many subscribers actually took the plunge. Starting tomorrow, LATimes.com will also get a new look.

Updateed 5/10/2005 8:10am: So it looks like the current content is freely available, without subscription or annoying registration, but articles that are archived are only available for a fee. This has got to be a hold over from a print-only mentality, when it actually cost something to dig up an older article, and print it out for someone. Eliminating subscriber-only access to Calendar Live is a great move, and the Times should be applauded for doing it. I hope that they'll continue to make their content available to more readers and open up their archives, as well.

Posted by Wil at 06:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (24) | TrackBacks (0)

Whether it's a play, an improv show, a sketch comedy show, a sitcom, or even a multi-million dollar movie, there is always one moment when it comes together: all the self-consciousness, all the mental note-taking that is a vital part of the rehearsal process, and all the uncertainty about the quality of the show seems to magically evaporate. The actors settle into their roles, and the material flows through them and into the audience. We trade the work of rehearsing for the fun of performing.

Saturday night, we had that moment. ACME: A Day in the Life came together for the first time, and it was awesome. With rehearsals, previews, and the opening of our run a few weeks ago, I've done the show several times, and I've always felt happy with my performance . . . but this last show was the first performance where I had fun the whole time. I wasn't watching myself, or gauging the audience, or wondering if one beat worked or missed. I just enjoyed the company of my friends, and had fun performing playing with them.

I noticed this feeling somewhere near the middle of the second act, and I told my friend Laura House, "I'm proud of the show, and I love the cast —"

"Yeah, we know," she said. "We all read your blog, Wil."

That sort of stopped me.

"Oh." I couldn't figure out if that was good or not, so I just continued. "Well, I love the cast, and I feel like we've been doing a good show, but tonight is the first time I've actually felt the same level of pure fun that I felt in Love Machine."

Just then, Laura P. walked into the dressing room and announced that she was having all kinds of fun. "Does anyone else feel like that?" She said.

"You know, I was just telling House that —" The audience erupted into applause. I looked up at the monitor we use to see what's happening on the stage, and realized that the sketch was over, and I was due on for "Roadtrip," in about 5 seconds.

"Oh shit, I'm in this sketch!" I said, as I ran out of the dressing room. I made it onstage in 4.9 seconds, and nobody will ever know. Sweet.

After the show, a bunch of us went out for drinks, and we talked about how much fun we're having. It was awesome, until Annie pointed out that there are only six performances left in this run. There is always the chance that we may extend, but it's pretty unlikely for this show, because many people in the cast (including me) have other commitments that start as soon as the show closes.

I believe that this show is just as funny as Love Machine, and I know a lot of WWdN readers saw that show. So if you can take me at my word, come and see us if you can.

Posted by Wil at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (17) | TrackBacks (1)

The House of Representatives just passed an appropriations bill that provided more funding for the war in Iraq. Though I've never believed the war in Iraq was necessary or justified, and I saw through the lies the Bush administration told Congress, the American people, and the world, I've always felt that the soldiers in the field should have the absolute best weapons, armor, and support available.

Like George W. Bush, I've never seen combat. Unlike George W. Bush, I think supplying our military with the best armor and weapons, and taking care of our veterans and their families are two of the most important things a nation should do during a war ever. Period. Even more important than repealing the estate tax. Most Americans and some Congressmen agree with me, so appropriations bills like these are almost always quickly passed. Cynical, Evil, Totalitarian Congressmen like Jim Sensenbrenner know this, so they sneak things into these bills that have failed when they were brought up on their own.

Herr Sensenbrenner's addition to this particular appropriations bill is a terrifying invasion of privacy: a national ID card.

If you're even moderately concerned about privacy and security, you're probably a regular reader of anything Bruce Schneier writes. If you're not concerned with privacy and security, you should be, and you should read Bruce's books, or at least his blog.

Today, Bruce breaks down the REAL ID act, and points out all the reasons it's such a bad idea. But the thing that got my blood boiling is this:

[The REAL ID Act] was voted down last fall, but has been reintroduced and attached to legislation that funds military actions in Iraq. This is a "must-pass" piece of legislation, which means that there has been no debate on REAL ID. No hearings, no debates in committees, no debates on the floor. Nothing. [Emphasis mine]

I believe that this is national ID card is incredibly stupid, expensive, invasive, and unnecessary. But whether you think it's a swell idea or not, ask yourself, "Do I want Congress passing laws that fundamentally change something as valuable as my right to privacy, without any discussion or debate at all?" If Congress is willing to force us all to submit to this invasion of privacy, without even allowing us to weigh in on it, how are they effectively representing us?

Does everyone understand what this means? The US Congress, the lawmakers who derive their power from the consent of the governed, are about to take a huge step toward turning our country into a police state, and they're doing it without any debate at all. Democrats urged Nuclear Bill Frist to allow some debate on REAL ID, but he refused, it was cynically attached to the appropriations bill, and it easily passed the House. Why are Republicans in Congress shutting the American people out of the legislative process? Could it be because Americans overwhelmingly reject the idea of a national ID card?

When the Social Security Number (SSN) was created in 1936, it was meant to be used only as an account number associated with the administration of the Social Security system. Though use of the SSN has expanded considerably, it is not a universal identifier and efforts to make it one have been consistently rejected. In 1971, the Social Security Administration task force on the SSN rejected the extension of the Social Security Number to the status of an ID card. In 1973, the Health, Education and Welfare Secretary's Advisory Committee on Automated Personal Data Systems concluded that a national identifier was not desirable. In 1976, the Federal Advisory Committee on False Identification rejected the idea of an identifier.

In 1977, the Carter Administration reiterated that the SSN was not to become an identifier, and in 1981 the Reagan Administration stated that it was "explicitly opposed" to the creation of a national ID card. The Clinton administration advocated a "Health Security Card" in 1993 and assured the public that the card, issued to every American, would have "full protection for privacy and confidentiality." Still, the idea was rejected and the health security card was never created. In 1999 Congress repealed a controversial provision in the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigrant Responsibility Act of 1996 which gave authorization to include Social Security Numbers on driver's licenses.

In response to the tragic events of Sept. 11, 2001, there has been renewed interest in the creation of national ID cards. Soon after the attacks, Larry Ellison, head of California-based software company Oracle Corporation, called for the development of a national identification system and offered to donate the technology to make this possible. He proposed ID cards with embedded digitized thumbprints and photographs of all legal residents in the U.S. There was much public debate about the issue, and Congressional hearings were held. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich testified that he "would not institute a national ID card because you do get into civil liberties issues."

The leadership in this Congress is out of touch and out of control. They are beholden to an extremist minority, and they're trying to force an extremist agenda on America.

Silencing the voice of the people on such an important issue sure doesn't sound like a Democracy, or a Representative Republc. This sounds an awful lot like fascism.

Posted by Wil at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (51) | TrackBacks (0)

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I wasn't an easy kid to raise, but somehow you helped me turn out okay. Thank you for helping me make more wise choices than not. I love you!

Happy Mother's Day, Anne. Your dedication to your children, your willingness to put what is best for them ahead of everything else in the world, and your singular focus on providing them the most opportunities and the best life possible, even when you didn't get one iota of support from anyone else, — especially those who should most willingly provide it — is phenomenal. You are everything a mother should be. You are awesome. Thank you for letting me be your husband. I love you, Ryan and Nolan's mommy. :)

Posted by Wil at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (25) | TrackBacks (0)

Though I didn't make the final table, last night's Poker Smoker was a lot of fun. I got a box of Camacho cigars, just for showing up! And if you haven't ever been up to Yamashiro, (until last night, I hadn't — even though I've lived here for nearly 33 years) I suggest adding it to your list of great places to visit in Los Angeles. It's on top of a hill in Hollywood, and the view is breathtaking. From my seat in the bar I could see the Griffith Observatory, Dodger Stadium, The Capitol Records Building and all of Hollywood, Downtown Los Angeles, Baldwin Hills, and out to Century City. If it had been clear, I could have easily seen across Santa Monica and down past Palos Verdes to the ocean. I don't know anything about the food or service, but the view is just incredible.

(Note: I will now do my best to describe a bit of the poker tournament in language normal people can understand. It may help to have the Wikipedia's Hold'Em entry open in another window, though.)

I play conservatively. This means that I don't like to bet before the flop without a "made hand": a big pair, or a very strong drawing hand like an ace and a king, or a jack and a ten of the same suit (and even that jack and ten I really hate to play if I am in early position.) I also like to raise, rather than call, because it's usually a stronger way to play. In most situations, this gives me something called "fold equity." What that means is, players who are paying attention to me will figure out that I only open when I've got a hand, and I rarely just call, so if a few players have checked ahead of me, and there's a big card or something on the board, if I bet at it, they will fold, because my playing style says I probably have them beat. (Sometimes this doesn't work, and ends up costing me a lot of chips, but I won't go into why that happens today . . . I'd really have to speak in ancient Pokerian to explain it.)

Unfortunately for me, a cold deck (lousy cards that I really can't play) and two calling-stations (players who call any bet with any two cards, hoping to get lucky) behind me made it really hard for me to out-play anyone.

But mostly it was the structure that killed me. We started with 1000 in tournament chips. The blinds started at 25 and 25, and went up every 15 minutes. There were unlimited rebuys until the fifth level, so the first few levels were all-in crapshoots. The guy to my right sucked out twice with incredibly weak hands (one of them was a suited Jack three. A real powerhouse.) So I was one of two people at my table who didn't rebuy. If I can drop a name for a moment, the other was Jason Mewes, who seems like one of the nicest, most down to earth people in the world. As far as I could tell, he's a pretty solid cardplayer, too.

I survived — barely — until level 5, when the blinds went up to 200/400 with a 50 dollar ante. I'd stolen a few blinds, and picked up a few pots, but I'd been blinded down to 800, so I was in "double up or go home" mode when I found AJd in the big blind.

The guy under the gun went all-in quickly. He'd just sat down, so I didn't know if he was trying to steal a blind from the short-stack, or what . . . but it was the strongest hand I'd seen all night, so I was calling no matter what. It was folded around to me. I pushed, and he turned up, incredibly, the Ace of clubs and the five of diamonds.

What the fuck? You go all-in with that crap under the gun? I gotta get this guy's number and invite him to a homegame!

The flop was J-A-7. Sweet.

The turn was another J. Jacks full, baby!

An excited murmur rippled across the table

And then, the river . . . an ace. Perfect. It gave us both Aces full of Jacks, and we chopped. Instead of doubling up, I halved-up, and I was right back where I started. When the small blind hit me for 200 on the next hand, I pushed in the dark. When the flop came K-8-x, I peeked at my cards: a black ten and a red six. I wasn't surprised, because this was the bullshit I was getting dealt all night.

I forget the way the hand played out, but Mr. All-in with a tiny unsuited Ace pushed again, and this time he made two pair with his king-little, I think on the turn, to beat the other guy's medium ace.

I mucked my cards in disgust, and stood up. I shook hands around the table, picked up my monkey, and walked out to the valet. I looked out across Los Angeles while I waited for my car.

If you don't read comments, you missed the following thought yesterday, from WWdN reader ruddyadam:

That clock is pretty insane. Kind of makes you realize that the reality we exist in is only one moment in time. And no matter how hard you try, you can't hang on to a moment longer than it is here. Once it's gone, you can only remember it, but really it will never be back again.

A cold deck in a loose/aggressive game is the most frustrating thing in the world to me, and I was pissed when I stood at the valet and waited for my car, but it hadn't cost me anything (other than 4 bucks for a watered-down coke and six bucks for the valet), and there are much worse ways to spend a Thursday night than smoking cigars and playing poker . . . so I looked out at the twinkling lights of my city, the Griffith Observatory, Dodger Stadium, The Capitol Records Building and all of Hollywood, Downtown Los Angeles . . . and enjoyed the moment.

Posted by Wil at 08:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (46) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm sure I'm about a thousand years late to the party on this one, but I thought this was really neat. (clicky the imagey. requiresy flashy.)

Posted by Wil at 03:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (47) | TrackBacks (0)

WWdN: The Fundraiser was an unexpectedly huge success. I think I may have to return some orders to people, because I'm pretty sure I completely sold out of Just A Geeks, and orders kept coming in, even after I updated.

I have set aside Saturday morning to sign all the books, and Anne has set aside Saturday afternoon to help me pack and ship them, so hopefully those of you who ordered books will have them within a couple of weeks.

A huge thank you from me and my family to everyone who participated. I hope you enjoy Just A Geek, and I'm interested in your feedback once you've finished it.

Posted by Wil at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (25) | TrackBacks (0)

Oh boy. It's a random morning on WWdN . . .

We got a little rain in Los Angeles last night . . . probably .00005", which is just enough to make the freeways a complete and utter disaster. On days like today, I'm so grateful that I can sit here in my office, open my window, and smell the wet grass and dirt while I watch a dozen finches crowd each other off the one feeder that still has seed in it.

I love it that I usually take my blog titles from whatever song is playing on iTunes, and right now it's Dave Matthews doing Proudest Monkey. I've had Crash since it came out, and I didn't know there was even a song called Proudest Monkey until just now.

I normally like the rain, but one thing I hate about it is this downspout that runs down the wall behind my bed. When we've got some real rain going, it doesn't sound like anything, but on mornings like today, when it's just sort of misting heavily, it drips down onto the bottom with this loud and steady tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap that manages to get through pillows and earplugs with ease. When it woke me up at 6 (an hour before my alarm was set to go off) I tried to ignore it and drift back to sleep, but the tapping was so insistent, somewhere in the back of my mind I heard a voice scream, "It's the beating of his hideous heart!"

That made me laugh, and there was no way I could fall back to sleep after that. So I've been up a little bit longer than normal today. This will require extra coffee.

Mmmmm . . . coffee.

Anyone watch WPT last night? What a great final table! It's always good for the game when an amateur outlasts a field filled with pros, and that kid seemed like a nice guy who appreciated his victory. A few poker-related things that interest me, but don't really warrant their own blog entries:

• I'm freerolling playing in a tournament tonight called The Poker Smoker at Yamashiro in Hollywood. The winner gets 365 cigars, and a seat at the Poker Smoker finals in Reno later this year.
• If you have enjoyed my poker stories, like Lying In Odessa and Viva Las Vegas, odds are very good you'll enjoy Richard Sparks' book Diary of a Mad Poker Player.
• My friend Chris the Poker Geek is offering some really cool T-shirts that are destined to become collector's items.
• I've been reading Dan Harrington's book, Harrington on Hold'Em, and it's awesome. I'm no Dan Harrington, but I'm about halfway through his book, and I think I play a a style very similar to his. There are great books out there for mega-aggressive players (like Killer Poker by John Vorhaus), but since that's really not the way I play, they're not as relevant to my game. The second volume of Dan's book is supposed to come out this month.
• Iggy, who is the Godfather of pokerbloggers, has this quote about Stu Ungar: "He seemed like the Brian Wilson of poker — a brilliant guy done in by drugs and his own strange, unmanageable form of genius." Iggy got the quote from part one or part two of a Cardplayer magazine story about Stu Ungar called To Live and Die in Las Vegas, which is excerpted from a book that I can't wait to read called Aces and Kings. Iggy also linked a story in Rolling Stone about some of the new superstars of poker that's also excerpted from Aces and Kings. Did I mention how excited I am to read this book?
• Oh, yeah. I did.

Final thought before I get out of here: I've noticed that when I link to things at Amazon, there are always a few people who go batshit that I'm hawking affiliate links, or selling out, or something. I have come to regrettable conclusion that there are just way too many people on The Internets who will bitch and complain about anything, and I'm done taking their shit and trying to explain myself to them. But for anyone else who is reasonable, here's my take on the links: I'm recommending things that I like, and I know that it's easy to buy on Amazon. I also don't see the harm in getting fifteen cents or whatever from an affiliate linking program. I'm not going to let this become an affiliate link farm, so just relax, okay?

Oh shit, it's 9:38. I'm so late for work.

Posted by Wil at 09:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (36) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm really proud of the work I do for The Onion AV Club . . . so this morning, before I officially clock into work at nine, I thought I'd excerpt some recent stuff that I thought was funny. (Click the titles for the full columns)

Ponpoko

Gameplay: Depending on whom you ask, Ponpoko is a squirrel, a cat, a raccoon, or a creepy dude dressed as a furry. His(?) mission is clearly laid out in the jaunty little tune that plays during attract mode:

Run run Ponpoko

To eat the fruits

Jump bound around

With your big belly out

Following in the successful footsteps of Donkey Kong, Ponpoko wants to climb higher and higher up each level, eating fruits and scoring big points. He has to watch out for deadly thumbtacks, though, and these... uh... mouse-scorpion-snake things that, for some reason, want to kill him. And the magic pots will sometimes hold oodles of bonus points . . . or deadly naked-snake-baby things. Which also want to kill him. Poor misunderstood Ponpoko! All he wants to do is jump bound around with his big belly out!

Could be mistaken for: A nightmare weekend at a furry convention.

Kids today might not like it because: Trying to figure out exactly what the hell Ponpoko is could very well drive them insane.

Kids today might like it because: If they play more than 10 minutes, their brains will help them cope by making them think they're high. It's cheap and legal, and they don't have to pretend they have glaucoma!

After Ponpoko ran, I got a lot of e-mail from people who told me that Ponpoko is, in fact, a creature from Japanese mythology. Hideka wrote

You may know this already, but Ponpoko is likely a raccoon dog/Tanuki. In Japanese folklore, it was kinda believed to have magic powers, and it can morph into many things to deceive human beings. Also, Tanuki was said to drum his/her own belly like gorillas pound their chest when it's full moon. The drumming sound is often described as "ponpoko" thus the name for the character.

WWdN reader C. sent me a link to a page filled with interesting Tanuki facts, and "Captain Tanuki" informed me that

What the game leaves out is another image from folklore: the tanuki as virility symbol, depicted in print and statuary with basketball-sized 'nads dragging underneath.

You mean . . . Ponpoko is a distant relative of Nutsack Squirrel?! Awesome.

Okay, moving along . . .

Tapper

Enduring contribution to gaming history: Parents, not realizing that supplying Budweiser is the best way to convince kids to swear off beer for life, forced Bally Midway to replace Tapper with Root Beer Tapper. It's the same game, but without the beer. Luckily, the cheerleaders survived the conversion.

One more, which is from this week —

Wait. This has nothing to do with anything, but there's a woodpecker on a telephone pole in my backyard, doing his woodpecking thing, and it sounds pretty cool. For mysterious reasons that are best left unexplained, it's in perfect time with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang that just started playing on my iMac's iTunes library, about five feet down my desk. Weird.

Okay, sorry. I'm back. Last one, which is from this week's edition of Games of our Lives:

Bagman

Gameplay: In a poetic metaphor for the inherent unfairness of life, when you drop one of your hard-earned money bags on a guard, he'll fall down for a few seconds and quickly get back up, but if he so much as touches you, you die. If things get too dicey, you can also flee in a mine cart, but be careful: They'll run you over just as easily as they'll whisk you to safety. (Figure out that metaphor on your own, and turn it in next week. Two hundred words or less, please.)

Kids today might not like it because: Even though he's obviously a convicted criminal, Bagman doesn't have a recording contract or a pimped-out Escalade.

Kids today might like it because: Bagman's flagrant disregard for safety and authority is an inspiration to all.

I am happy, honored, and proud to be a part of Team Onion. In fact, the first assignment I'm completing today is Games of our Lives.

And yesterday, I got the preliminary outline for one of my new books completed . . . oh man, it's going to be so much fun to write!

Posted by Wil at 08:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (28) | TrackBacks (0)

A few weeks ago, I observed that the vet bills for Felix and Sketch were well over $7,000.

A bunch of WWdN readers suggested that I put up a PayPal donation box, but I just don't feel right taking something for nothing, so I thought I'd have a fundraising sale instead: I have about 100 copies of Just A Geek here in my house. Lots of people have asked me where they can get autographed copies of Just A Geek . . . so I figured I could accept donations, but you'd get something kind of cool in return.

Until Friday (May 6, 2005), I'll be offering these signed copies at the "Fundraiser" price of $50, which will include a copy of the eulogy I wrote for The Bear, saddle-stitched with his stumpy little face on the cover. I realize that not everyone has the money or desire to dump $50 bucks on a book, so at the end of the week, if there are books left, I'll reduce the price to $30, which is just five bucks over the cover price.

If there is enough interest, I'll offer some copies of Dancing Barefoot, as well.

If you're interested, you can visit the fundraiser page (dial-up warning: the images are big) (thank you to WWdN reader Paul, who sent in optimized images!) and place an order.

Update: Holy crap. I leave the house for three hours, and when I come back, I'm completely sold out. Wow. Thank you, so much, to everyone who supported the fundraiser. I am speechless.

Posted by Wil at 10:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (139) | TrackBacks (0)

When I was under a deadline to finish Just A Geek, I couldn't wait to "feel like it" to work on the book. I had to give myself a schedule and stick to it, no matter what. I had to figure out a few things:

1. When was I creative?
   • Morning?
   • Night?
   • Middle of the day?
2. How long could I write before I reached the point of diminishing returns?
• Three hours?
• Four Hours?
• 1000 words?
• 5000 words?
3. Why do I enjoy abusing the <li> tag so much?

I'm sure this is just fascinating, but it's got a point: Yesterday, I put myself back on the official writing schedule, so I can complete at least one of the two books I've been working on. One is a Dancing Barefootesque collection of stories about being a stepfather. Ryan suggested the greatest title of all time: Would you like kids with that? The other is an anthology of poker stories, starting with Lying in Odessa, and ending up at the WPT Championship. It's got Viva Las Vegas, Fish On!, the as-yet-unpublished story behind The WPT Hollywood Homegame, and a lot of new material. When I was in Vegas, I talked with a lot of pros who agreed to give me interviews for the book, and I think I have a really cool idea that's never been done with one of these Big Deal Positively Fifth Street Diary of a Mad Poker Player (ie: narrative) poker books. I've got a working title for that one, which I really like . . . but I'm not going to reveal it until I can register it with Bowker.

I'm pretty sure that writing each morning will kick up other sorts of creativity that will turn into (hopefully) cool blogs . . . but the rest of the time, I'll be working on these two new books.

It feels good to have something to do.

Posted by Wil at 09:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (39) | TrackBacks (0)

The show was great. When we all walked backstage, we were happy and satisfied. Travis gave us all good constructive notes. This show is just going to keep getting better.

While I changed out of my costume and back into my regular clothes, Matt asked, "Are you coming next door for a drink?"

As I've written before, the esprit de corps I feel with the cast — the post-show bonding and goofing off — is the greatest reward I get for doing the show, but . . .

"Actually, I'm going to call Anne and Nolan and see if they're awake. If they are, I'm going home to hang out with them."

Matt is probably the only person in the cast who won't tease me too much about ditching the them to be a family guy.

"Cool," he said, "Maybe I'll see you next door."

"Maybe." I finished changing and closed my locker.

I walked out the back door of the theater, and pulled my cellphone out of my pocket. When I opened it, Felix's little face looked up at me.

"Hi The Bear," I said, as I speed-dialed my house.

Anne picked up after one ring.

"Hi Puss," she said, "How was your show?"

"I had fun," I said. "The audience was a little weird, but I think we did a good performance anyway."

"How were they weird?"

"There was this huge block of people who were 'smilers' rather than 'laughers.' I think they enjoyed themselves, but they were so quiet, it sort of sucked the energy out of the house."

"I'm sorry," she said. "Are you coming home?"

"That's why I was calling. If you guys are awake, I'll come home right now."

"Yeah, Nolan and I are just up watching COPS."

COPS is our full-on guilty pleasure. One time, several years ago, Anne and I had a COPS-a-thon. We invited all of our friends. None of them showed up, but we didn't care, man. We watched four hours of COPS alone, and it was awesome.

"Do you think you guys will be awake in forty minutes or so?"

"Yeah, I think so," she said.

"Then I'm coming home."

"Oh boy!"

I smiled. "Yeah, it's like that. See you in a little bit."

"Okay. Drive carefully. I love you."

"I love you too."

I hung up the phone, grabbed my stuff out of the dressing room, and walked out to my car. On the way, I passed through the bar where the entire cast was sitting together.

"Are you staying for a drink?" Margaret asked.

Margaret and I usually talk each other into staying out too late, having one more drink that we probably shouldn't have, eating the junk food that's been backstage for a week, but . . .

"No, I'm going home to hang out with my family," I said. "Well, two thirds of my family. Ryan's sleeping over at his friend's house."

"Tell Ferris I love her, and I hope she feels better," Chris said, as I walked out of the bar.

"She knows. She keeps asking when you're going to come visit her again," I said.

I opened the door, and heard Chris tell Kurt, "His dog is the sweetest . . ." as I walked out into La Brea and got into my car.

I listened to The Drop on KCRW on the way home, and the drive was over before I knew it. I walked into my house around 11.

Riley met me at the front door. Ferris had surgery on her knee on Monday, so she won't be meeting me at the door for at least five months.

I walked back to my bedroom, where my wife was sound asleep. Ferris was on the floor next to my side of the bed, wearing her "life of the party lampshade" cone.

"Hi Berris," I whispered as I walked into the room. "Chris says he loves you and hopes you feel better." She wagged her tail against the side of my bed and Anne opened her sleepy eyes.

"I think I fell asleep," she said.

"I think you did," I said. "I'll see you in the morning."

She rubbed her face and said, "Okay. I love you."

"I love you too, honey."

I walked around the side of our bed, and kissed her forehead. She smiled, and mooshed her head down into her pillow.

It always takes me a few hours to unwind after a show, and last night was no different. Though my house was asleep, and I was physically tired, my brain was still filled with adrenaline from performing. So I sat down in my office, and surfed The Internets.

After I read my e-mail and caught up on all my regular sites, it was only 11:30 . . . so I decided to hop onto PokerStars and play a tournament. You know, to unwind.

In these single-table games I don't open without a super-premium hand, and I let the aggressive players beat the shit out of each other for the first few levels. Occasionally, I'll pick up something to play with, but I'm primarily interested in establishing Fold Equity early on, and protecting my stack. Since I drew the 1 seat in this game, I got an entire round to watch the way my opponents played. It was pretty uneventful for the first level, but Seat 7 was one of the worst players I've ever seen: raising with draws, calling on the river when he was beat, always showing down when he got an opponent to fold . . . I thanked the poker gods for putting him at my table. I hadn't played many pots. I opened a few times, but never really made a hand I could play after the flop. I was still about average, though, when I got into it with Seat 7:

PokerStars Game #161708xxxx: Tournament #750xxxx, Hold'em No Limit - Level II (15/30) - 2005/05/01 - 02:54:26 (ET)
Table '750xxxx 1' Seat #7 is the button
Seat 1: [Wil] (1110 in chips)
Seat 2: (1620 in chips)
Seat 3: (1270 in chips)
Seat 4: (2580 in chips)
Seat 5: (2650 in chips)
Seat 7: (460 in chips)
Seat 8: (2180 in chips)
Seat 9: (1630 in chips)
Seat 8: posts small blind 15
Seat 9: posts big blind 30
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to [Wil] [Ac Kh]

[Wil]: raises 70 to 100
Seat 2: folds
Seat 3: folds
Seat 4: folds
Seat 5: folds
Seat 6: raises 360 to 460 and is all-in
Seat 7: folds
Seat 8: folds

[Wil]: calls 360

*** FLOP *** [5c Tc Ah]

The turn was the 9 of spades.

Okay, this is a three-outer for him . . .

*** RIVER *** [5c Tc Ah 9s] [Qs]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
[Wil]: shows [Ac Kh] (a pair of Aces)
Seat 6: shows [Ad Qh] (two pair, Aces and Queens)
Seat 6 collected 965 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 965 | Rake 0
Board [5c Tc Ah 9s Qs]

Oh fuck me. The goddamn AQo! Will I ever win a pot against that hand?! I took a deep breath, and let it go. "That's poker," I reminded myself. I settled down, focused, and I played well. Very few draws unless I could get in cheap and with position, and I stole blinds when I felt the time was right. Like TJ says, "Timing is everything."

Fun fact: According to Doyle Brunson in Super System 2, if you play in Texas, the AQ is called "The Doyle Brunson," because, he says, he tries to never play that hand. Additional, Less-fun Fact: I really wish they'd put the / back into the title, so it'd be called Super/System 2.

I played my tight/aggressive raise-or-fold game, knocked a couple guys out, and found myself in at least third place. The big stack was about T10000, I was about T3000, and the short stack was Broomcorned down to T280. He pushed against me when I held the . . . wait for it . . . Ace of Clubs and Queen of Spades in the Small Blind. I pushed all-in, so I wouldn't have to worry about the leader getting in cheaply to make some bullshit freak set or something, and he folded. The short stack showed the other, better-known, Doyle Brunson: 10-2.

The flop came Kc 3h Js, and I had myself an open ended straight draw.

The turn brought one of my three outs: the 10s, and I had Broadway. The river was the 2 of spades, and I was heads up!

The big stack was a very loose-aggressive player. After I busted Broomcorn's Uncle, I had T3500 while he sat behind T10000. I knew I was only one all-in bet away from seriously challenging him, and the blinds were only 100/200, so I had a little bit of time — not much, but a little — to pick my spot. I had a perfect read on this guy: he was using his big stack to call everything, then betting at every flop. He'd taken just about all of Broomcorn's stack playing this way, so it was likely that he'd play the same way against me. I don't usually trap, but I knew that if I flopped a big hand, I'd easily make him pay me off.

We went back and forth for a while, and he played exactly the way I expected. He stole lots of blinds, but I stayed on my game. I made a few little moves when I figured he missed the flop, and I was lucky enough to be correct each time. I won a few small pots without having to showdown, and worked my way back to about even with him. I stayed patient: If I got the opportunity to use the rope-a-dope, I could probably bust him.

PokerStars Game #161728xxxx: Tournament #750xxxx, Hold'em No Limit - Level VII (100/200) - 2005/05/01 - 03:53:16 (ET)
Table '750xxxx 1' Seat #3 is the button
Seat 1: [Wil] (6825 in chips)
Seat 3: (6675 in chips)
[Wil]: posts the ante 25
Seat 3: posts the ante 25
Seat 3: posts small blind 100
[Wil]: posts big blind 200
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to [Wil] [6s 6d]

Seat 3: raises 200 to 400
[Wil]: raises 800 to 1200
Seat 3: calls 800
*** FLOP *** [6h 7s 7h]

[Wil]: checks
Seat 3: bets 200
[Wil]: calls 200
*** TURN *** [6h 7s 7h] [3c]
[Wil]: checks
Seat 3: bets 2200
[Wil]: raises 3200 to 5400 and is all-in
Seat 3: folds
[Wil] collected 7250 from pot

Seat 1: [Wil] (10450 in chips)
Seat 3: (3050 in chips)

We traded blinds for the next three hands. On the fourth hand, he moved all-in against me pre-flop. I had the Ace and Ten of hearts. It felt like a loose call, but I figured it was a stronger-than-average hand heads up. I guess I should figure out for sure if it is or not, right? I'll probably have to make this decision again in the future . . . Anyway, it was a good chance to send him home, and if he won, I still had enough of a stack to keep going.

He showed the Ace of clubs and the 4 of diamonds. My heart started to beat a little faster.

The flop came Ks, Qd, 9s. It's not quite "w00t" time, but I'll at least take a deep breath.

The turn was the 9c. I'm still in the lead.

In the chat window, my opponent said, "gg."

"Dude, *fantastic* game," I typed back.

The river was the Kh.

Aw, fuck. We both made two pair, Kings and Nines. Our aces played, and we chopped.

"luck," he said.

Is he talking about me or him? No time to worry about that. The cards were out. I had the 6d and the 3c. He pushed, I folded. He may be tilting, but there's no way I'm calling with that trash.

On the next hand, I was the small blind.

Dealt to [Wil] [Ah Qh]
[Wil]: raises 800 to 1200
Seat 3: raises 3350 to 4550 and is all-in

Maybe the damn AQ will break my way this time.

[Wil]: calls 3350

He showed a King and a Jack, both of spades. Excuse me while I don't get excited.

*** FLOP *** [7h Jh 5d]

In spite of myself, I said, out loud, "A Jack?! Motherfucker! Why does Ace Queen hate me so much?"

Wait. Are there two hearts on the board? Holy crap, there are two hearts on the board! I've got a four flush!

I quickly looked over my shoulder at the open door, then back to my computer. "Come on, Heart! Give me a Heart! Daddy needs a Heart!" You'd think I was at the final table of the WSOP.

After a long moment, the turn card came out

*** TURN *** [7h Jh 5d] [3h]

I shot my arms up into the air, and shouted "Yes! Flush, baby!"

Riley jumped up from under my desk and cocked her head at me. From my bedroom, I heard Ferris' tail thump thump thump against the floor. I listened for The Wrath, but my outburst apparently failed to pierce Anne's veil of sleep. When I get lucky, I really get lucky!

Seat 3 said, "gg," as the River card came: the King of Clubs.

I won. Oh my god, I won! I stuck to my guns. I never lost focus, played my game, and I won.

I sat back in my chair, and smiled to myself. My console beeped that I had mail. I clicked into my desktop called teh mail and saw it

PokerStars Tournament #750xxxx, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $5.00/$0.50
9 players
Total Prize Pool: $45.00
Tournament started - 2005/05/01 - 02:43:29 (ET)

Dear [Wil],

You finished the tournament in 1st place.
A $22.50 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

Congratulations!
Thank you for participating.

I'm often asked why poker is so popular right now. Is it because it's on television all the time? Is it because guys like Phil Ivey, Erick Lindgren, and Daniel Negreanu are young, and seem like rock stars? Is it because anyone can buy into an event and have an opportunity to compete with the best in the world, something you just can't do in any other sport?

Maybe it's all of those things, but I think it has a lot more to do with the awesome rush I felt when I made my flush on fourth street. Yeah, I had only risked five bucks, and I only won 22 . . . but when the little window popped up and said "Congratulations! You're the winner!" I felt like I'd taken home a bracelet.

Now, I needed to unwind from my unwinding . . . so I grabbed a Newcastle from the fridge, parked it on the couch, and watched SportsCenter. In all, not a bad way to spend an evening. Not bad at all.

Posted by Wil at 01:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (62) | TrackBacks (0)